Chapter 7 Procrastinator
It was another typical day at Royal Woods Elementary School. The kids were chatting and Lincoln's teacher, Mrs. Johnson was trying to get her students to quiet down.
"Alright, everyone. Quiet please." Mrs. Johnson said.
Everyone shut up.
"Take out your pencils and papers and write down the assignment." Mrs. Johnson told her class, causing them to groan except for Lincoln and Clyde.
"Did you hear that? We get an assignment!" Lincoln and Clyde said simultaneously.
"At what not to do during a lockdown drill." Mrs. Johnson said as she pulled down a projection screen. It showed a giant lock.
"Did you hear that? What not to do during a lockdown drill!" Lincoln and Clyde said together once again.
"In no less than eight hundred words." Mrs. Johnson added.
"Ya hear that? Eight hundred words!" Chandler told Lincoln and Clyde, who was mocking them.
"Yeah, we know!" Lincoln and Clyde both said excitedly. Chandler frowned.
"Due tomorrow. And remember class, work hard and no goofing off." Mrs. Johnson advised.
After school, Lincoln went home to start on his right away. He was in the dining room.
"Ok Charles, no goofing off." Lincoln said to his dog. "I am about to write the greatest essay ever."
Lincoln took out a notebook and ripped out a piece of paper. "Like most essays, it should be written on paper."
Lincoln took out a pencil. "Even more important than the paper is the pencil. A pencil as sharp or as dull as I like. Funny..as my ideas grow, you shrink."
Lincoln looked out the window, noticing how nice it was outside. "Well, I couldn't have chosen a more beautiful day to write an essay."
Lincoln went back to his essay and began writing. "Ok, here we go. What not to do during a lockdown drill by Lincoln Loud." Lincoln paused. "Ha, this is easy. This essay is pure gold. Ok pencil, get ready to do your stuff cause here we go."
Lincoln got ready to write. Time passed by and it turns out Lincoln hadn't written anything besides that one sentence.
"Gee, this harder than I thought." Lincoln said.
He went to look out the front window. He saw his sisters hanging out in their swimming pool. Leni was adding sunscreen on Lori's back.
"Come out here, Linky." Leni suggested.
Lincoln went back to the dining room. "It should be against the law to write an essay on such an awesome day." Lincoln groaned but then look determined. "But I must press onward. Because with this pencil and the completion of this paper, I'll be on my way to getting a another good grade. I mean, I got plenty of time."
He checked the time on the clock. "It's only six o clock."
Lincoln focused on his paper again. "Ok, here we go." Lincoln tried to write but just couldn't. He banged his head on the table. He sat up.
"I got it. I just need to get some blood pumpin in my brain." Lincoln said. "How about some calisthenics?"
Lincoln got up and did some exercises, moving his arms up and down. "Hup hoo. Hup hoo. Hup Hoo. Hup Hoo.
Cliff the cat joined him. "Meow hoo. Meow hoo. Meow hoo. Meow hoo."
Walt the canary joined in too. "Chirp hoo. Chirp hoo. Chirp hoo. Chirp hoo."
"Thanks for the support guys." Lincoln said to both his pets. They left. "I can feel those juices pumpin now."
Lincoln got back in his chair and scooted it towards the table. It made a squeaky sound. Lincoln moved it back again and forth a couple of times. Then he created a nice rhythm that he enjoyed. He laughed but then stopped.
"Wait. What am I doing? I gotta write that paper!"
He scooted his chair up to the table. "Come on pencil, make words!" He begged.
Just then, Charles walked up to Lincoln and barked at him. Lincoln noticed him.
"Charles! Hey, who's my favorite pet doing?" Lincoln greeted. "How about I fix you something to eat?"
Charles barked.
"What do you mean you're not hungry?"
Charles barked again.
"I know I have an essay to write. Now come on."
Lincoln took his dog to the kitchen. He prepared some dog food for him and put in his bowl. He overfilled the bowl.
"Now I gotta make sure you get your nutrition, so I'm not leaving until you finish every single bite." Lincoln said.
Charles ate the food in one bite and burped out the bowl. He left the kitchen.
"Charles, wait! Are you sure you don't want some beef jerky?" Lincoln asked. "Or some doggie biscuits?"
Lincoln stepped in a bit of dog food on the floor. "Man, Charles sure made a mess."
Lana rushed in and noticed the dog food on the floor. "Don't worry Linc, I've got this."
Lana bent down and ate the dog food off the floor which disgusted her brother.
"My work here is done." Lana said satisfied and left the kitchen.
"Well, while I'm here I might as well clean the rest of the kitchen." Lincoln suggested. He cleaned up Charles' food bowl and the kitchen floor. He then went to clean behind the fridge.
"Gotta reach those hard to clean places." He said.
He cleaned the dishes. "And these dishes need cleaning."
He even cleaned the trash. "Can't have dirty garbage.
Soon, Lincoln was done cleaning the entire kitchen. "Well, I think it's clean enough now."
It was so clean to the point where everything was chrome. Lincoln went back to the dining room.
"That didn't take too long." Lincoln said. "It's only-" He looked at the clock. "Ten o clock! I gotta get back to work!"
He went to the dining table. "Ok essay, I say prepare to be written!"
Lincoln lifted up his pencil and started writing like he'd never written before. "Yeah! Yeah! I'm doing it! Some of these and some of these! Almost done and there!"
Lincoln had finished and laid down his pencil. The tip was burned from all that writing. Lincoln wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"Now let's see how it looks so far." Lincoln said as he held his paper in front of him. "The-"
It turns out "the" was the only word Lincoln had written but it was written in fancy handwriting.
"Break time!" Lincoln declared. He snapped his finger. "Pacing always helps me think."
Lincoln got up and started pacing the living room. "Ok, I only have 799 words to go. Think, Lincoln, think."
He stopped and got out his cellphone. He looked at the dining room and then back at his cellphone. In Lori and Leni's room, Leni was sleeping. Suddenly, her cellphone rang from her nightstand. It startled her as she woke up. She answered the call.
"Ugh, hello?" She answered tiredly.
"Hey Leni." Lincoln greeted. "What are you up too?"
"..I'm sleeping."
"That's great!" Lincoln said. "Are you having a good sleep? Have any particular dreams that you want to disc-"
"Lincoln, you and I both know that you're just using me as a distraction so you don't have to write your essay." Leni confirmed.
Lincoln gasped and stuttered. "That is so not true! I called to have a engaging conversation with you."
"But we have school tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep." Leni said.
"Please Leni, it's important."
Leni sighs. "I'm listening."
"Uh..Marco."
"Polo." Leni hung up and went back to sleep.
"Well, I gotta go Leni. Got an important essay to write." Lincoln said before he put his phone away. "Sheesh, what a chatterbox. Can't she see I'm busy?"
Lincoln goes back to the essay. "I can't write with all these pencil shavings all over my paper." He swatted them away and they were floating in the air. "Now they're in my thinking space."
Lincoln blew them away. "So long pesky particles."
The shavings came back and flew into Lincoln's face. He swatted at them and one flew into his mouth.
"I swallowed one!" Lincoln gagged. "I'm choking! Water! H20!"
Lincoln ran into the kitchen and got a cup. He poured water from the sink and drank it. He breathed heavily. "That was a close one."
Charles came over and barked at Lincoln.
"What do you mean overly dramatic, Charles?" Lincoln asked. "All that choking made me hungry."
Charles barked again.
"I can't write on an empty stomach, Charles. I gotta have my brain food." Lincoln stated.
He went to the fridge. "Let's see. Should I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?"
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "A visitor?" Lincoln wondered. "For me?"
Lincoln opened the front door to see a mailman outside.
"Hi." Lincoln greeted.
"Package for Lincoln Loud." The mailman said, handing the boy his package.
"Wow. Thanks. So do you like being a mailman?"
"It puts bread on the table."
"What do put on bread? Peanut butter and sauerkraut?" Lincoln joked.
"Wait, what?"
"Nothing." Lincoln said. "So do you deliver your own mail or does another mailman do that? But then who delivers his mail? Is there a never ending chain of mailman delivering mail to other mailman? Then again, a P.O. box in theory could break the-"
"Don't you have an essay to write?" The mailman asked and left.
Lincoln gulped. "How did he know I had a paper to write?"
Lincoln looked both ways suspiciously, walked backwards into his house and shut the door. He walked into the living room. The tv was suddenly on.
"In other news, local resident Lincoln Loud only has a few minutes to complete his essay." The newsman announced. "And yet, he continues to goof off." He stuck his head out of the tv. "When will he learn?"
In a state of panic, Lincoln grabs a baseball bat and smashes the tv. Everything went pitch black. Lincoln found a flashlight in a drawer and turned it on.
"Hey Lincoln." Said a voice. "Over here."
Lincoln pointed his flashlight to the source of the voice. It came from an issue of one of his Ace Savvy comics. Ace Savvy was on the cover.
"Relax and read an issue of your favorite superhero, Ace Savvy." The superhero said.
Just then, a clock on the wall shined light at Lincoln. Lincoln gasped when he saw the time. "Oh no! Midnight!"
Lincoln ran back to the dining room but it seemed to be getting further away from him. As he ran, there were floating clocks all around him.
"Must get back to paper!" Lincoln yelled as he finally reached the dining room table.
However, the table and chairs were huge now so Lincoln had to climb up the chair now. He finally got to the top. "Phew. That was close." He noticed his pants were gone. "AAH! My pants!"
"Oh Lincoln, down here." His pants somehow came to life. It was at the ground.
"You get up here! I gotta get back to work!" Lincoln declared.
His pants ignored him and ran out the front door. Lincoln chased after them. "Stop pants! You get back here this instant! Pants!"
Suddenly, the door shut behind him. Lincoln tried to open it but it wouldn't budge. He locked through the front window. The clock on the wall came to life.
"Time's up, Lincoln." The clock informed in a demonic tone.
Lincoln gasped. Just then, the flashlight also came to life and walked into the living room holding Lincoln's essay. "Only 799 more words to go!" The flashlight stated. It chuckled evilly and burned Lincoln's paper with his the light.
"NOO!" Lincoln cried.
Now the whole house caught on fire.
"AAH! What have I done? Help! My house is on fire!" Lincoln shouted in terror.
Lincoln ran around in circles for a couple of times until a he heard a voice.
"Lincoln!" Lincoln saw the voice came from his stuffed toy bunny, Bun Buns. He was now a ghost. "Why? Why did you set me on fire, Lincoln? Why didn't you just write your essay?! STOP WASTING TIME!"
We flash back to reality. Lincoln wakes up surprised from his dream.
"Where's my essay?" He asked. He saw it on his head. "Oh, there it is."
He picks it up and laughs. "I must have dozed off."
"Hey twerp!" Lori called from the living room. "Get ready. It's almost time for school."
"What?!" Lincoln looked at the clock. "Oh no! 7:45! Class starts in a few minutes. How am I supposed to get this essay done on time? How am I supposed to know what not to do during a lockdown drill?"
Lincoln was about to give up but then he knew what to write. "Feeding your dog is something not to do during a lockdown. And making a sandwich. And cleaning the kitchen. And calling your friends. And smashing the tv with a baseball bat. And drinking water. And talking to the mailman and-"
Lincoln was now at school and he finally finished his paper.
"Mrs Johnson! Mrs Johnson! I finished my essay!" Lincoln announced. He enters the classroom. "Mrs. Johnson?"
He saw nobody was there. "Where is everybody?"
Just then, his teacher arrived. "Oh, Lincoln. There you are."
"Here you are, Mrs. Johnson!" Lincoln said, holding out his essay. "Eight hundred words on what not to do during a lockdown drill."
"I'm sorry, Lincoln. I tried to call you." Mrs. Johnson confessed. "I have a teacher's conference to go to."
"But what about my essay?" Lincoln asked.
"I decided to cancel the assignment." The lady said. "We're just gonna practice for a lockdown drill instead. See you on Monday."
Mrs. Johnson left. Lincoln, who was smiling, ripped his paper in half and fell face first on the floor.