all credit goes to who lost all his stories,lucky i saved them in my old journal not all stories chapters been saved
Chapter 15 Dragons and Dunces
"Hurry Clyde!" Lincoln said, running with his buddy. "It's almost time for the joust!"
"Right behind you, Lincoln!"
They stopped when they saw a medieval castle with the sign "Medieval Moments" on it. One top was a man blowing a horn. There was a speaker with a knight's helmet on it.
"Welcome to medieval moments." Said the announcer. "You're just twenty wizard paces away from swords, sorcery, and bad hygiene."
A door opens up. Lincoln and Clyde walk towards the castle. A henchman is seen on the other side.
"Right this way." The henchmen said.
"I believe you meant to say rigteth this wayeth." Lincoln corrected, and giggled with Clyde.
The henchman was about to hurt himself with the spear but stopped himself. "Someday...but not today."
Inside the castle, Lincoln and Clyde are seated in the arena.
"How's that mutton Clyde?" Lincoln asked.
Clyde took a bite out of his mutton. "Me thinks it's mutton-tastic."
The event was now starting. The queen looked at the king who was sleeping. "Maurice, you're supposed to announce the jousting tournament!"
Maurice woke up and spoke into his microphone. "Good evening, fair patrons of Medieval Moments!"
The crowd cheered.
"By royal decree, we ask that two audience members come forth and participate in this, um, royal joust."
Lincoln and Clyde raise their hands and shout excitedly, getting the king's attention.
"Alright." Said the king. "It appears the bushy haired kid and the white haired kid are our lucky contestants tonight. Hooray."
Lincoln and Clyde walk up to the joust excited.
"Can you believe this, Clyde?" Lincoln said. "To think we'll be watching the joust up this close."
A henchman handed them their outfits and weapons. "You're not watching the joust, you're in the joust."
Lincoln and Clyde were on horses.
"Clyde, do you know how to ride a horse?" Lincoln asked.
"Nope." Clyde replied.
The horses took the two boys in opposite directions.
"Mr. Horse, sir, you're gentle on beginners, right?" Lincoln asked. The horse just charged towards the other horse. Clyde's horse charged too.
"Lincoln, help!"
"Take his head off!" Yelled someone from the crowd. Clyde shielded himself.
"I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask for a bathroom break!" Lincoln yelled.
The two horses ran into each other, causing Clyde to fly off his horse and out of the arena.
"Clyde!"
Lincoln's horse threw him off and out of the arena. Clyde landed face first on the ground.
"Glad that's over." He said, relieved. Then he heard screaming and Lincoln landed on him. The boys got up and saw a bunch of knights and horses coming.
"Look! Some employees from the restaurant came to help us!" Lincoln pointed out.
The boys were now surrounded.
One knight pointed his sword at them. "Arrest these traitors for committing the act of witchcraft by falling from the sky!"
The knights pointed their spears at the boys.
"Woah." Lincoln said. "They really go that extra mile for authenticity. Salutations fellow knights."
"Silence heathen!" Said a Knight. He used his sword and cut Lincoln's hat in half.
"Ah! I get the point."
Lincoln and Clyde get tossed in the dungeon.
"Nighty night, ladies!" Said the dungeon master. "You'll have many more in here!"
He left. Lincoln and Clyde looked at all the stuff in the dungeon. Most of them were skulls. "Gee Clyde, these props sure are convincing." They looked a little scared. Just then, they heard the sound of bad clarinet music. It was coming from someone else who was in the dungeon. It was a jester who looked like Luna.
"Blast this confounded instrument!" Luna said angrily. "If I never play with ease, may my great grandma be cursed ten fold."
"Luna, what are you doing here?" Lincoln asked.
Luna looked around confused. "Dost thou talketh to me?"
Lincoln laughs. "Good one, Luna." (imitates her) Dost thou talketh to me?"
"Scoff not, young squire." Luna said. "Thou hast mistaken me for another. I'm Looney, the king's royal fool. Or at least I was until I royally messed up."
"Wow, what did you do?" Lincoln asked.
"I'll show you." Luna begins to sing a song. "I was the king's favorite fool. I made merry mirth and laughter. Then I told one bad joke and the king had a stroke. Now I hang from the olde rafter."
Clyde's stomach growls. "What does a guy have to do to get some mutton around here? I'm starving!"
"Don't hold thy breath." Looney advises. "We'll be lucky if we get fed again by the 12th century."
"They sure do take their role playing around here seriously." Lincoln told Clyde.
Suddenly, they hear an explosion.
"What's that?" Clyde wondered.
Looney sang another song. "The evil wizard's dragon is here. See the townsfolk scream in fear. See the townsfolk try to run. I can tell this won't be fun. The dragon will torch everything. Everything in the valley. Hospitals, schools, retirement homes, and even ye olde bowling alley."
During the song, a red dragon was outside destroying everything in sight while the people were running in fear.
"Not the bowling alley!" Yelled one guy. The bowling alley was now destroyed.
Lincoln started to panic. "Knights? Jesters? Dragons? Medieval bowling alleys? The 12th century?! Don't you see, Clyde? We really are in medieval times!"
"Oh no." Clyde said worriedly. "I think I left the water running at home."
Then the dungeon master came back. "The king wants a word with you two." He was talking about Lincoln and Clyde.
"Yeah!" Clyde said happily and he and Lincoln left.
Lincoln looked back at the jester. "Wait! We don't leave without Looney."
"And why should I take her?" The dungeon master asked.
"Because-" Lincoln tried to come up with an excuse. "Um, Looney has thought of some brilliant songs for the king and he just has to hear them. Right, Looney?"
Looney nodded. "Absolutely."
Looney started to play but Lincoln stopped her. "Um Looney, maybe you should wait for the king to hear that."
"Suit thineselves." Luna said. "Thou dost not knoweth what thou art missing."
And with that, the gang began to walk over to the king's castle. At the king's castle, the king, who looks like Lynn Sr, is crying.
"Oh, woe is me! Woe is me! What to do? What to do?"
The princess, who looked like Lola, walked over to her father.
"Father, what art thou going on about now?"
"Oh, just the same ol thing dear daughter." The king explained. He pointed to an evil looking place. "It's that wretched witch Lenamor! Her insidious dragon's destroyed half the kingdom. Soon, there'll be no citizens left. Not one of my best knights has been able to defeat her."
The king was about to faint but his daughter grabbed him before he hit the ground.
"This always happens." Lola said looking at the viewers. She helped the king onto his throne.
Just then, a henchmen came by. "Your highness, the dungeon master has brought the prisoners you asked for."
"Well, don't just stand there." The king demanded. "Send them in!"
"Sure thing your highnessssssss!"
The king and princess look at each other in confusion. Lincoln, Looney, and Clyde entered. Lincoln gasped when he saw his father as a king and Lola as a princess. "Hi Dad! Hi Lola!"
"Dad? I'm not your dad." The king stated. "I'm the feared ruler of the kingdom and shall be addressed as such."
"Sorry."
"And why have you brought this fool back into my throne room?" The king asked, pointing at Looney.
"If your majesty may be so kind, I think I have a song that'll answer all your questions." Looney replied nervously.
The king hesitated for a bit. "Ohh, alright, alright. But this is your last chance, fool."
"Oh, thank you sir, thank you. You won't be disappointed." Looney began to sing her song. "Oh hear me king, for I must sing how you are the greatest at everything. Like letting a dragon burn down our city. A horrible sight that wasn't pretty. 'Twas all your fault and 'tis a pity. You are bad, you are to blame, now hang your kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!"
Looney shakes her butt as Lincoln and Clyde snicker. The king does not look pleased. The boys join Looney with her song.
"The king is bad, the king's to blame. He hangs his kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaa!"
The three of them laugh together, but the king is angry.
"Guards!" The king ordered. "Send these slanders to the guillotine."
The boys turned and saw a guillotine. One guy used it to cut a pineapple in half. Lincoln and Clyde were horrified.
"Wait, you don't understand." Lincoln tried to explain. "We're not from here."
"That's because you're witches who were sent by Lenamor to destroy me." The king said.
"No. We're time travelers."
The king growled. Lincoln gulped. "Help me out here, Clyde."
"Well, I'm not sure if there's anything I can add at this point." Clyde responded.
"Alright, I'm through playing around." The king said. "Guards!"
He gives them the signal for their beheading. The guards take the boys and Looney with them as they plead for mercy.
"Father, you must spare them." The princess said. "Hast thou forgotten about the prophecy?"
"What prophecy?" The king asked.
"The one right above your head." The Princess pointed a large prophecy on the wall that was above the king's throne.
"How long has that been there?"
Lola explained. "The story tells of two brave knights who fall from the sky, and are sent by the king to rid the lamenting town of the evil dragon controlled by the evil witch. Daddy, don't you see? It's them. These strangers have come to rescue us, like in the prophecy."
Suddenly, the dragon burst through the wall.
"How dare you defile my house, demon!" The king yelled. He gets blasted by the dragon's fire. The dragon grabbed the princess who screamed in fear.
"Princess Lola! I'm coming Lola!" The king charged toward the dragon. "Prepare to meet thy maker, foul beast!"
The king pointed his scepter at the dragon. The dragon just flicked him away.
Lincoln was about to get his punishment at the guillotine. "Well, I guess this is it, Clyde."
"I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, Lincoln."
"I'll miss you too, buddy!"
Lincoln and Clyde started crying. The king was flying towards the guillotine screaming. This caused him to break it, saving the boys and Looney from getting beheaded. But the dragon escaped with his daughter.
"Daddy, help!"
"Lola!" The king cried. "Can no one stop this madness?"
The sun shines on Lincoln and Clyde. The king went over to them.
"Yow two. My apologies." He kisses their feet. "Most noble and valiant warriors."
"I guess this is what they call the royal treatment." Clyde said.
"I grant you safety on your perilous journey to the evil witch's castle to which no one has escaped alive."
"We're going on a perilous journey?" Lincoln questioned.
"Well, of course." The king said. "You're the chosen ones."
He notices something on the floor. "Huh? What's this? A lost piece of the prophecy? Hmmm.."
"Lemme guess, more praise for our heroic stature?" Lincoln asked.
The king shows them the piece. "Actually, it says I'm supposed to kick you outta here."
"Say no more, your majesty." Lincoln said. "Us manly knights are so manly, we kick ourselves out of places. Come on, Clyde."
Lincoln kicks himself out.
"Look out, trouble!" Clyde said, and kicked himself out too.
"Well, so much for their company." Looney said. She began to play her clarinet again but the king stopped her.
"On second thought, you better go with.
They could use the entertainment."
"Have it your way." Looney said and walked off.
"Good luck, strange ones!" The king said as the three of them walked off to begin their journey.
Now Lincoln, Clyde, and Looney were walking down the road.
"I know we're a prophecy and all but I don't think we can stop that dragon with our bare hands." Lincoln said.
"Yeah, we need some gloves." Clyde said.
Looney pointed to a blacksmith shop. "Perhaps yonder blacksmith can provide some arms for your battle."
"At last, an honest man of the soil." Lincoln said. "Observe, as I effortlessly commingle with this brutish native."
Lincoln enters the shop. "Greetings Ironman, I am Sir Lincoln of Royal-"
The blacksmith grabbed Lincoln with his tongs.
"..Woods."
"I told you people before, I'll have the rent when I have it!" The blacksmith said angrily.
"We just wanted to borrow some armor." Lincoln said weakly.
"Well, why didn't you just say that?" The blacksmith said and dropped Lincoln. "Hmmm, I've got just the thing for you."
Clyde was given a helmet that looked exactly like his first one. "This is awesome." He puts it over his first helmet. "Hey Lincoln, come out here!"
Lincoln walks out wearing tall metal legs and wearing a big helmet.
"Whoa, Lincoln, you look incredible."
"And now for the piece de resistance." The blacksmith got to work wielding a sword for Lincoln. "Your sword, brave knight." The blacksmith presented the sword to Lincoln. "Hand forged from anodized dragon's skin. It is truly a weapon worthy of a knight of your stature."
Lincoln tried to lift it, but it was too heavy for him. "A little heavy, isn't it?"
Lincoln drops the sword and it lands in the blacksmith's chest. But he didn't seem to feel any pain. Instead, he laughed.
"That's gonna need some stitches." He said. "Let's see what else I've got."
The blacksmith searches through his trunk. "Unfortunately, all I've got in the way of light weaponry is this net." He handed it to Lincoln and he tried it out.
"Sounds good enough." Said the white haired knight.
Lincoln, Looney, and Clyde continue their journey.
"We doth have a long journey ahead of us." Looney mentioned.
"It's a good thing I brought us these delicious Burpin burgers for lunch." Lincoln said, pulling out a bag with burgers.
"Ooh!" Clyde said happily.
Meanwhile, Lenamor was watching our heroes through a crystal ball.
"This be the legendary prophecy?" Lenamor laughed evilly. Lola is tied up in rope. "Oh, that be-eth rich. Twould almost insult me were it not so funny."
"Lenamor, thou art cocky and overconfident with thyself." The crystal ball said.
"Trusteth in me, Alison. I knoweth what I am doing. Come hither, boy."
The dragon came over to it's master. Lenamor handed it a paper. "Deliver my demands onto his majesty, King Loud."
The dragon went off with the message. Lenamor laughed evilly. Lincoln, Clyde, and Looney approach the bridge that's in front of Lenamor's tower. But a knight stops them.
"Halt, who goes there?" Said the knight in a deep male voice.
Looney gasps. "Do my eyes betray me? ''Tis the nefarious dark knight." Luna sings. "Oh dear knight, spare us please. Don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. Pray take these two and let me go free and I will give to thee some...cheese." Looney hides behind a rock.
"Dark knight?" Lincoln and Clyde said in unison.
"I asketh once more." The dark knight ordered. "Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyselves."
"I'm Lincoln and this is Clyde." Lincoln answered. "We've been sent to rescue Princess Lola from Lenamor."
"If thou wishes to get across, thou whilst have-"The knight opens the helmet to reveal herself as Medieval Lynn. "-to get through me!"
Lincoln gasps. "Medieval Lynn! I know how to handle this with a little karate!"
Lynn charged at Lincoln with a battle cry and Lincoln charged at her with his battle cry. They bumped into each other. Lynn swung her flail at the white haired knight but he dodged it. Lincoln swung his foot and tripped Lynn onto her back. Lynn was confused by Lincoln's fighting style.
"By the power of Odin, this be a new fighting style my eyes have not yet seen."
Lincoln did a weird dance. "I am bad! Oh yeah! Whoo!"
"Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame!"
"Pssh, did you hear that Clyde?" Lincoln pointed at Lynn. "I told you she zings like a girl."
The female knight attacks Lincoln, ripping off all his armor. Looney and Clyde watch behind a rock. Lincoln slams into the rock as his clothes are torn.
"Man, Medieval Lynn is just as tough as modern Lynn." Lincoln admitted. "But can you handle my feet of fury?"
The white haired boy charged at the knight with his shoes on his hands. She jumped out of the way. Lincoln bounced off the rock and kicked Lynn, sending her into the other rock. Lincoln ran towards her but she got up and pushed the boy against the rock.
"Wouldst thou like a little rub down?" Lynn said. She rubs Lincoln against the rock, causing dust. Lynn coughs. With her distracted, Lincoln puts a blanket over both of them and does the deadly Dutch oven on her.
"My eyes!" She yelled and fell to the ground, weakened. Lincoln was about to finish her.
"You have bested me, white haired knight." Lynn said weakly. "Strike quick and true, noble one."
"I don't understand a word you just said." Lincoln said. Medieval Lynn has x's on her eyes.
"Uh, Medieval Lynn, you don't look so good. Lynn? Lynn?"
Lynn passed out. Then she was soon awakened by a splash of water.
"It's working, Clyde." Lincoln said. "Do it again." Clyde sprays more water at Lynn with his water bottle. Lynn gasps.
"Thou hath spared me, kind and noble knight." Lynn said. "And unto thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you on your quest to defeat Lenamor and learn a trifle of that karate."
"Yeah, karate!" Lincoln karate chops Looney's jester hat, slicing it in half. Looney even felt the pain.
"Oweth."
Meanwhile, at the king's castle, a henchman came up to the king with a scroll.
"Your majesty! Your majesty! A scroll has arrived for thee."
The king takes the scroll and reads it. "Thou must hand over thy village and thy throne or thy daughter shall be dipped into a cauldron of lava?! LOLA!"
Lola is seen dangling over a pot of lava, screaming. Lincoln, Clyde, Lynn, and Looney hear her.
"That be the shriek of the fair princess." Looney stated, then started to sing. "Hark the princess, she screams from the tower. By the sound of the shrieks this is her final hour."
"Then time be of the essence." Lynn said. "Doth we all remember thy plan?"
The guys stutter.
"No." Clyde blurted. "Uhh, I mean yes. That's what I meant to say, heh. Yes."
"Then we must forge on." Lynn ordered, taking the lead. The other three shake in fear but follow her. The four make their way to Lenamor's tower. Two guards are blocking the entrance.
"Make way heathens." Lynn commanded. "Dark Knight coming through."
The guards blocked her.
"State thy business, Dark Knight." One guard said.
Lynn explained. "These village idiots are conspirators against Master Lenamor and I needeth to know which form of torture thy master wishes upon these wretched fools. Do I have their limbs tied to horses and swiftly yanked apart? Rip! Or pluck each individual piece of hair one by one, taking away their every single last piece of hair wish!"
Lincoln screams.
The guards were convinced. "Very well, Dark Knight. Entrance be granted."
Lincoln is terrified.
"Halt! Make a wish!" A guard plucks off a piece of Lincoln's hair. The gang head inside and Lincoln whines.
"Wow, goodsome thinking, Sir Lincoln." Lynn complimented. "Posing as a frightened wee babe in ye ol' diapers did make it most believable."
"Yeah, you think we fooled them?" Lincoln asked.
Suddenly, Lola screams.
"That's Lola! I must fulfill the prophecy while you untie Clyde and the royal doofus."
"That be Royal fool." Looney corrected.
"Hang on, Lola! We're coming to rescue you!" Lincoln yelled as he ran up the stairs with his friends. "(panting) We're coming. Almost there."
They were so exhausted from running up all those steps.
"So...tired."
Up on the tower, Lenamor was getting ready to boil the princess alive. "Soon the king's village will be mine, mine, mine!"
Princess Lola screamed in fear. Lincoln and the rest finally arrived on top of the tower.
"Unhand her, you fiend!" Lincoln said, out of breath.
"The prophecy is nigh!" Said Princess Lola.
"We're here to rescue you Lola. Whew! Can I get a glass of water?"
"Sparkling or regular?" Lenamor is about to offer Lincoln water but throws both bottles away. "Psycheth!
Lincoln gasps. "You truly are the nastiest witch in all of Royal Woodlands. Prepare to be vanquished!"
"Bring it oneth, knave."
Lincoln charges at Lenamor but he trips onto her.
"Ow." Lincoln groaned.
"Get off." Lenamor uses her magic on the white haired child but he laughs.
"Ha! That tickles!".
The others are rescuing Lola. Looney and Clyde push the boiling pot of lava out of the way and Lynn cuts the rope with a knife. Princess Lola falls on the ground.
"Thou shouldeth made a safer landing." Lola groaned.
"She's ok." Lynn said.
Lenamor is still "attacking" Lincoln. Suddenly, he gets zapped by the dragon. Lenamor thought that was her magic.
"Wow. Huh?" She notices the dragon. "Yes! Yes! Sicketh them boy!"
The dragon chases after them. Looney is trapped but gets an idea.
"Perhaps a soothing limerick will calm thee." Looney pulled out her clarinet and sang."There once was a dragon so handsome and smart, he let me go free for he had a big heart." She formed her arms into the shape of a heart but only got blasted by the dragon. "Everyone be-eth a critic."
Lynn goes to attack the dragon but he grabs her and throws her away. Clyde runs in fear. "No! No! No!"
The dragon zaps Clyde, sending him to land next to his best friend. The dragon came closer to the two boys. They hugged each other in fear. Then, Lincoln had an idea.
"Wait a minute." Lincoln grabbed his net. He leaped towards the dragon and captured it in the net.
"Wow, the boys back home will never believe this." Lincoln said.
"I'm right here and I don't believe it." Clyde stated.
But the dragon burned the net. Lincoln ran over to Clyde.
"No! No! No! No!" The boys yelled.
"Well, I guess this is it, Clyde." Lincoln said.
"Yeah." Said Clyde. "Hey, can we eat those Burpin burgers now?"
"Sure, buddy." Lincoln pulls out the Burpin burgers. The dragon takes one.
"Hey!" Clyde glared. The dragon eats it.
"Look Clyde, he's eating the burger!"
"No!" Clyde cried. "The horror! The horror!"
"No Clyde, it's a good thing." Lincoln said.
"It is?"
"Sure it is." Lincoln stated. "Just listen to him purr. He loves that Burpin burger."
Lenamor sees this. "Forsooth. What be-eth going on here? Destroy them! Do it now or so help me!"
"I have more burgers and I'd be happy to offer you them." Lincoln said.
The dragon zaps Lenamor.
"Curses. You win." Lenamor said defeated.
Now everyone is at a celebration. Looney walks down the road and Lincoln and Clyde are riding with on horses.
"Make way. Thy king's heroes cometh through." Looney announced. She sings a song. "Hark! Ring the bell, ''tis all ended well. The dragon vanquished, the princess returned, and only a few of us got badly burned."
Lynn, Princess Lola, and the king are on the king's castle. The king is grilling burgers. "Order up!"
He flips a burger and the dragon catches it and eats it.
"Hmm, I wonder if I could sell these, um, Burpin burgers." The king suggested, then laughed. Looney plays her clarinet badly. The townspeople covered their ears in agony.
"Not that horrible noise!" Said one citizen.
"Make it stop!" Said another.
One guy grabbed a rock and threw it at Looney, knocking her down on her back. This causes the horses to freak out and launch Lincoln and Clyde into the air. They fall back down on the ground.
"Hey. Hey kid, are you ok?" Asked a female. Lincoln opened his eyes and saw the queen and king standing in front of him.
"That was some fall you had." The queen said.
"Oh, I guess I shouldn't have agitated that horse." Lincoln groaned, rubbing his head. "That was some dream, huh, Clyde? Clyde?"
"Try telling that to Looney." Clyde said. He gets to reveal that Looney was squashed under him. Her clarinet was squashed and sounded like an accordion.