Chapter 18 a Life of Crime
"And now back to Citizen Crime Theatre."
In Flips Food n Fuel, a tv show is shown on Flip's TV. Everything is black and white like an old timey cartoon. An old lady is walking down the street and then a thief comes and snatched her purse. He ran off with it.
"Stop thief!" She shouted.
The police arrived. "Which way did he go?"
"He went that way!" The lady pointed in a direction.
The police officers charged after the criminal and carried him back to the police car. He is then thrown in jail.
"Curses! Foiled again." The thief said.
Flip, and Lana and Lola, who came to the gas station to get some snacks saw the whole thing on the TV.
"What a no good punk that guy was!" Flip ranted. "There ain't nothing worse than a thief. Thieves should be locked up forever. They should be forced to eat nothing but gruel!"
"But Mr. Flip, what about all the stuff you stole?" Lana pointed out.
"What do ya mean?"
"Like that ketchup dispenser." Lana pointed. "It's says Property of Royal Woods market."
"Oh, that's where I rent my ketchup from." Flip explained.
"Are you renting the dispenser too?" Lana asked.
"Well, no."
"Then you bought it."
"No."
"Then isn't that stealing?"
"Well, I, Uh-"
Lola held up a towel. "What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?"
"Well-"
Lana holds out a public phone. "And this Royal Parks phone?"
"Well, it's-"
Lola holds up a hedge clipper. "And our mom's hedge clippers?"
"Well, they're-"
Lana holds out a white wig. "And Mr. Grouse's wig?"
"Well, he-"
Lana holds out hair curlers. "Even Mrs. Johnson's hair curlers?"
"That one was a gift!" Flip said and swiped it away from Lana. "Listen, all that stuff is uh..borrowed."
"Borrowed? That's a relief." Lana said. "I thought you took it without permission."
"Ah, permission spermission! You can borrow anything anytime as long as you get it back before it's missed. Everyone knows that, right?"
"Ok!" The twins replied.
"Alright girls, hugs!" He hugs them and shoved them out the door. "You put in a hard days work girls!"
"But we don't work here." Lola stated.
"See ya later!" When the twins were gone, Flip took out the hair curlers. "Oh that was a close one."
Later at Ketchum Park, Lana and Lola are walking through the park in a derpy fashion wondering what they're going to do.
"Hey, what do you wanna do today?" Lana asked.
"I don't know. What do you wanna do today?" Lola asked.
"I don't know. What do you wanna do today?"
"I don't know. What do you wanna do today?"
"I don't know. What do you wanna do today?"
Lola stopped when saw she saw a guy selling balloons. "I know what I wanna do today. I need some money."
Lola checked her pockets but found no money. "I don't have any money. Lana, I want a balloon really really badly. Really really badly."
"It's ok Lola." Lana said. "I think I've got money in the First National Lana Bank."
Lana checked her hat only to find a paper clip and her chewed up gum. "Uh oh. I'm broke too. Let's go borrow money from Dad."
"Wait. Instead of borrowing the money, why don't we just borrow the balloon?" Lola suggested.
"Yeah! Like Flip!"
"It's just borrowing, right?"
"Yeah! And borrowing is ok as long as we bring it back, right?
"Right."
While the balloon guy was attending to a customer, Lana took a balloon when he wasn't looking and ran off with it with Lola.
"This is great!" Lola said.
"We're gonna have so much fun!" Lana added. "First, we'll run with the balloon!"
"Then we'll go to the beach with the balloon!" Lola added.
"Yeah! Then we can take a bike ride with the balloon! Then we can go to the mall, and Gus place, and the woods, and the candy shop!"
"And to the beauty pageant, and the sky, and under my car!"
"And the roller rink!"
"And in our backyard!"
"And under a hill!"
"And on a roof!"
"And in a plane!"
"And with a pig!"
"We love borrowing!" The twins cheered.
Suddenly, the balloon popped.
"It popped!" Lana stated.
The twins stared in silence at the balloon pieces that were on the ground. Then they panicked.
"How are we gonna return it now Lana?" Lola asked.
"I've got the pieces!" Lana said, gathering up the pieces.
"I've got the air!" Lola said holding the air.
"Hurry! Put the pieces back on!" Lana put the pieces in the air but they just fell back on the ground.
"We popped the balloon!" Lana panicked. "We can't return it! We're thieves! We have to confess!"
"Confess?" Lola exclaimed. "Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking here! WE STOLE A BALLOON!" Lola yelled so loudly that everyone in the park heard her. "And they're gonna lock us up forever!"
Lana covered Lola's mouth. "You're right. We just gotta keep our heads. Act normal."
The blonde twins begin talking gibberish and start acting like they have no brains. They attract a crowd.
"Look! Street performers!" One guy said.
The crowd cheered for them.
"It's not working!" Lana and Lola shouted and ran away.
They bumped into the balloon cart where the guy was giving away balloons.
"Hi there." The salesman greeted.
Lana and Lola ran away screaming.
"Hey, don't you want a free balloon?" He asked. "It's National Free Balloon Day."
The twins continued running.
"He's onto us!" Lola cried.
"It's not safe for Royal Woods anymore!" Lana said. "We gotta move fast and cover our tracks!"
"I'm on it Lana!" Lola literally covered their tracks with pink paint as they kept running for their lives.
Soon, the twins were on the outskirts of town. They took a last look at their city.
"Take a last Look, Lola." Lana said. "We can never go back."
"Goodbye Royal Woods!" Lola waved.
"We've only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs." Lana stated. She had a hobo stick in her hand.
"Yep." Lola said, carrying her hobo stick. "But I wish I could've brought my princess car."
"We're criminals now." Lana said. "We're gonna have to travel by foot."
And so the young girls went on their way leaving their beloved town. They were now in the middle of nowhere sitting near a fire they used to warm themselves.
"I wanna go home." Lola whined.
"We can never go home, sis." Lana stated. "We're wanted women. We'll spend the rest of our lives running. But at least it's warm around the fire."
"Yeah, hopefully it'll last long."
Suddenly, a strong wind blows out the fire.
"Aw, come on!" Lola whined. "I'm scared Lana!"
"No more nice warm beds." Lana said sadly. "No more Burpin burgers! No more getting mail! No more Hops or Charles! No more Lincoln, or Leni, or Luna, or the rest of our family!"
Lola was crying.
"No more anything!"
"I want my princess car!" Lola whined.
Lana sniffed. "Well, it doesn't have to be all bad, right? At least we have each other."
"Yeah." Lola agreed.
"And all that running is good for you buns and thighs too, right?"
Cuts to Lynn posing and flexing her muscles. "Yeah. Buns and thighs."
Cuts back to the twins.
"And the bitter cold is bracing, isn't it?" Lola said.
"Yeah!" Lana agreed. "Maybe being a felon could be fun! We can go wild!"
"Yeah!" Lana said and rolled around in the dirt.
"And we can fly!" Lana jumped off a small cliff and landed with a thud. "Ok, we still can't do that..."
She gets back over to Lola. "But we don't have to follow orders."
"You got that right." Lola replied.
"And you get to talk tough too." Lana said and changed her tone into a manly one. "This town ain't big enough for the two of us."
"Let me try." Lola said. "HEY PUNK, you're messin with the wrong sista!"
"And the best thing about being a felon is we don't have to return anything we borrowed!"
"YEAH!" The twins yelled again.
"And we owe it all to you." Lola said.
"What are you talking about?" Lana asked. "Taking the balloon was your evil plan."
"Nah. I'm nothing but a lot of talk. You're the one with the sticky fingers."
"Aw Lola. You're the best bad influence ever."
"You too."
The twins hugged.
"I wish we had something to eat though." Lola said.
"Look What I've got!" Lana said happily holding out two chocolate bars.
"Rectangles?"
"Not just any rectangles. Candy bars! All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives!"
Lana handed Lola her candy bar.
"Thanks sis. I'll save this for later."
Lola buried her candy bar. Three seconds later, she changes her mind. "I think I'll eat it now."
Lola digs in the spot she buried her candy but found out it was missing. A couple of ants had marched away carrying her candy bar away. "Huh? Where's my candy bar? I know I buried it here."
"Lola?"
"Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve!"
Lola digs frantically like a dog. Lana gets buried in dirt. Then Lola appears under her.
"I can't find it! Where could it be?"
She looks up and sees Lana holding a candy bar. "Aha!"
"What?"
Lola gets up. "You stole my candy bar!"
"No I didn't." Lana replied.
"So that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief."
"You ate yours." Lana stated. "This is mine."
"You took my only food." Lana complained. "Now I'm gonna starve."
"Here Lola, just take half of mine." Lana offered.
"Yours? You mean mine."
"Do you want it or what?"
"I don't want it unless you admit you took it."
"This is my candy bar."
"You big dirty liar!" Lola critizied.
"I'm dirty, yes. But I'm not lying." Lana said.
"Liar."
"Well, if you're gonna be that way I'll eat it myself!" Lana said.
"You better not." Lola warned.
Lana took the wrapper off. Lola warned her to stop but Lana started to lick the chocolate bar and chew it in Lana's face, much to Lola's agony. She even put it between her ears and made a squeaky sound with it. She finally ate the whole thing.
"You're a crazy person!" Lola yelled. "I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!"
"Did I, Lola?" Lana wondered. "Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?"
"THAT'S IT!" Lola yelled and stomped on the wood, causing the fire to light up again. She screamed and held her foot up in pain. "First the balloon, now my candy bar! You're out of control! I'm...I'm telling on you."
Lana gasps. "Not if I tell on you first!"
Lana runs off.
"I'll beat you there!" Lola ran after her. She caught up with her sister.
"You're gonna get in trouble!" Lana taunted.
"No, you are!" Lola replied.
The twins kept running. They soon reached a police station and ran inside. They came to a police officer behind a desk. They started talking at the same time and couldn't be understand clearly.
"What can I do for you girls?" The police officer asked.
"We stole a balloon!" The twins confessed.
A female officer showed up. "What's the problem here?"
"Well, it appears these two stole a balloon." Said the male officer.
"What are you gonna do to us?" Lana whined.
The female officer whispered something to the male officer.
"Ok, follow me." Ordered the male officer.
The police officers lead the twins to a prison cell. He opened it and the girls went inside.
"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." The male officer said.
Four seconds later.
"Ok, time's up." The male officer said and opened the door. "Now get out."
"But we stole a balloon." Lana whined.
"Yeah, on Free Balloon Day." The male officer said and he and the other officer laughed.
The twins were surprised and relieved to hear this. The officers then walk them out of the station.
"How about some lollipops for the road girls?" The male officer said handing them candy.
The girls happily took a lollipop.
"Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again." Lana declared.
"You said it." Lola agreed.
They make a toast but Lola's lollipop has been eaten. Lola's the one who has eaten it.
"Alright, which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?"
Lana glared at her.
"Just kidding." Lola said.
The twins and the officers all laughed together.