They wake up the next morning wrapped in each other's arms and Olivia closes her eyes again when she sees the light. Gripping him even tighter, not wanting the harsh reality of daytime to take this moment from them.
Elliot kept his eyes closed and his arms around her. If he doesn't open his eyes then the day doesn't have to start.
"I should go" she eventually whispers into his chest, her hard placed over his heart again and he wonders if she keeps touching him there as a warning she's going to break it.
"I know"
She smooths her hand from his chest up to his cheek and pulls his face down. She doesn't know if she'll ever get to spend the night with him again. Even if she ignored her marriage vows and carried on this affair, Noah will be back in a few weeks and she can't do this again. She already worries what she will tell Trevor if he bothers to ask when she returns home.
Elliot rolls her onto her back, just as worried this will be the last time he has her in his bed and he knows he needs one more memory of her here. His lips move from hers and down to her neck and she whispers before she realises what she's saying.
"Make love to me Elliot"
—
It was a hard goodbye. They had hugged and kissed at the door until the cab driver was beeping his horn at her. She had worn her dress back home, not wanting to turn up in another man's clothes and it made her feel dirty. Made what they did seem shameful.
She fiddles with her phone all the way home. It was 10am and Trevor must have been awake for hours but still he hadn't contacted her. He must be beyond furious with her.
When she gets out of the cab at her apartment block she puts her shades back on, pretending that if she didn't see the doormen when doing the walk of shame then he wouldn't see her. She wondered how long she'll feel embarrassed for when walking past them, it felt like she had a neon sign on her head saying "I had sex with a man that wasn't my husband last night".
Her hands shake as she takes out her key to enter her apartment. She walks inside and can't hear any movement. Trevor is likely in his study so she slips into the bedroom to shower and get herself presentable before she bumps into him and is forced to have the inevitable talk about where she was last night.
She takes her time getting herself ready. Having a long soak in the bath and then blow drying her hair. She wasn't going to be doing anything today, there was no need to make this much effort by putting on a full face of makeup to sit in her apartment but she saw it as an armour for the row that was to come. It made her feel like she would have a better argument if she looked and felt good.
When she eventually leaves the bedroom she finds Trevor sitting in an armchair in the living room so she walks over to join him. She takes a seat on the sofa next to him and stares at the coffee table in front of her.
She sits there silently waiting for him to talk. She wasn't going to admit to anything unless she had to. She doubted he would accuse her of sleeping with another man, she'd never given him any reason to distrust her before now and she wasn't sure if she was going to be honest at all.
"I'm leaving you"
"What?" Her head shoots up hoping she'd misheard.
She knew he would be annoyed but she didn't think for a second he would leave her over this. He didn't even know the truth.
"I'm leaving. I'm leaving you. I'm leaving this house. I'm leaving"
"You can't"
"Why?"
"Because we're married!" She practically screams at him as if he has just asked the stupidest question ever.
"But we're not happy are we?"
"I…" she's lost for words. So what if they weren't happy? You don't just walk out on a marriage because of a bad patch.
"Olivia" he sighs and leans forward to place his head in his hands, taking a deep breath to work up the courage to be honest. "I've met someone"
"You've what?"
He drops his hands to his knees and wipes them nervously before answering.
"Someone at work. It's been going on a while. I'm sorry it just sort of happened"
She nods, staring back down at the bowl of pompiree on the table.
"And I don't think I'm the only one am I?"
Her head shoots up to him again, they look into each other's eyes and she notices the sympathetic look. He isn't angry with her she can tell, he looks sorry.
"I never should have pushed you to that. I should have been honest in the beginning. I know this is my fault"
She looks back down to the pompiree trying to compose herself. She was so angry at him yet she felt she had no right to be. Even though things were bad she had never intended for her marriage to end. She'd spent twenty years of her life with this man, what would she do without him.
"I never wanted this," she mutters.
"I know. But why shouldn't we want this? Why shouldn't we be with those that make us happy? I can see how happy you've been these last few weeks and it's made me realise we're both here for the wrong reasons. Noah won't thank us"
He sounded convincing in his words, no longer guilty but as if there was a positive.
There was no positive for her though now her mind had got to Noah. What would he think coming back from camp to a broken home? Would he blame her for it all? He barely saw Trevor as it was, how often would he see him now?
When she doesn't speak for a moment he thinks it's best to leave her to process what he has told her. There was no changing his mind and he didn't want to drag it out.
"I'm going to go"
Trevor stands up and walks towards the door where she notices a bag in the hallway. He must have placed it there when she was in the bath.
"Trevor no. Please don't do this!"
She stands and follows him to the door reaching out to grab his arm.
"You can't do this. Think of Noah. Think of what people will say!"
He turns around to face her and sighs.
"I don't care anymore Liv. Damn I'm getting old and she's made me realise that life is too short"
"So what, are you going to leave me for some younger woman? Wow. What a cliche Trevor!" she spits angrily.
He shrugs.
"Maybe. But I love her Olivia"
"And you don't love me anymore?"
"I will always love you Olivia but I'm not in love with you"
He gives her one last sympathetic smile and turns around and walks down the hallway.
"Trevor!" She calls after him but she doesn't know what more she has to say to him. Does she really even want him to stay? He doesn't listen though he picks up the bag and opens the door.
"I'll be in touch ok?"
With that he walks out and closes the door behind him. Olivia swipes the vase off the hallway table and starts to sob. She felt humiliated. All these years she had tried to fight for him, this summer she thought she'd fix all of their problems and instead she was now alone.
In just a few short weeks they had both thrown everything they've worked their lives for down the drain.
It had been two days since Trevor had left. She hadn't heard from him and she wasn't sure what he was doing about all of his things. She wasn't even sure where he was living. Had he moved in with her? Gone to a hotel? The bag he took couldn't fit in more than a week's worth of clothes and she knew his appearance meant a lot to him so he had to come back soon or maybe he'd buy a whole new wardrobe just to avoid her.
Part of her wanted to change the locks and cut up all of his suits. Another part of her wanted to beg for him back but neither of those thoughts were the real her. She would let him in, talk to him calmly and let him leave again. He had stayed with her longer than anyone else had, she had to give him that.
Elliot had been texting her. It was ironic that he thought she was ignoring him because she had ended things with him to sort out her marriage when she was really just too ashamed to tell him the truth. She also didn't want to run to him and have him think he was an afterthought. A second best to Trevor. The craziest thing of all of this was that Trevor leaving had been the moment she had decided to end it with Elliot. He didn't need this sort of drama in his life, she was a mess right now and they needed to be apart.
When Noah had called later that afternoon after Trevor had left it had taken her every bit of strength to not cry down the phone the second she had heard his voice. She was lucky he hadn't asked to speak to Trevor because she doesn't think she'd have been able to hold back if he had. When she had hung up the phone that's when she had let herself cry. Let herself grieve her marriage. Trevor having an affair hadn't been what had hurt her the most, she knew she'd be a hypocrite if it did too much. What really got to her was the fact he could leave her, leave her and Noah for some twenty something bimbo. Her ego was hurt.
Her phone rings on the bedside table next to her and she sees Amanda's name pop up again. She must know by now. Trevor and Dominic work together often enough, it makes sense he would have mentioned something to him. She gives in and picks up the phone and places it on her head as she lay on the bed.
"Thank god you're ok I was worried!"
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I know what's happened. I'm on my way around"
"Amanda, honestly I'm fine!"
The last thing she needed right now was visitors. She must look like an absolute mess.
"I'm not taking no for an answer. You can't be on your own at a time like this"
She sighs knowing she can't fight her. Amanda had her own key that she had given to her for emergencies years ago to get in if she is that determined.
"Fine. Okay"
"Good. I'll see you in ten"
Liv pulls the phone away from her ear and she sees another text from Elliot on the screen.
Elliot - Liv. Please talk to me.
She sighs again and puts the phone screen down on the bedside table. He had no chance.
When her buzzer rings a few moments later she groans. She was hoping Amanda would have gotten side tracked somehow and not shown up. But sadly here she was so Liv flung the bed sheet off her to get up. As she walked past the mirror in the hallways and saw herself she grimaced. Her hair shoved up in a bun looked like a bird's nest and her eyes were bloodshot and swollen.
She opens the door and Amanda's mouth practically drops open.
"Shit Liv"
Liv glares at her though only half serious and turns around walking back into the bedroom and jumping back into bed. Amanda closes the door behind her and walks into the bedroom to sit on the end of the bed.
"Come on Liv. You can't stay like this forever"
"I can't go out ever again. Have everyone know my husband left me for a younger woman? That's humiliating!"
"Well nobody knows yet and so what if they do? Have you looked on the bright side?" She turns her body to fully face Liv and Liv lifts her head off the pillow just enough to look back at her, curious to what upside her friend seems to have. "What about Elliot?"
Liv groans and lays her head back down on the pillow.
"Why is everyone going on about Elliot? This is about me and Trevor"
"Who else knows?"
"Trevor. Well, he thinks he knows. He said i've been happier lately and he thinks he knows why"
"It's true, you have"
Olivia lifts her head off the pillow again to talk to her friend. She felt she was being a hypocrite right now.
"It doesn't mean I wanted my marriage over Amanda! You shag everyone behind your husband's back but do you want your marriage over?!"
Liv glares at Amanda until she notices the hurt on her face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I just mean. Well.."
"I know what you mean and no I don't want it over but Liv it's different. I've never fallen in love with anyone else"
Oliva lays her head back down on the pillow as she feels her lip quiver, she can feel her throat closing on her as tears threaten to fall. Was it really that clear to everyone she was in love with Elliot?
"It's too late. He won't want me when he knows the truth. He will think I am only going to him because I have nobody else"
"He won't think that Liv. Have you spoken to him?"
She shakes her head, not willing to talk and let the tears fall. She was feeling so many conflicting feelings she didn't even know what one was making her cry anymore.
"Talk to him"
"I'm a mess Amanda, the last thing I need is Elliot"
"Or maybe he's the one thing you do need?"
Olivia doesn't answer her. It's true that Elliot is probably the only person that could make her smile right now but he wasn't going to see her like this, crying over another man. How sick was that?
Maybe everyone pushing her to Elliot was right but she wasn't ready and she was accepting the fact that by the time she was he would be gone. Back to his bachelor life and forgetting he had ever met her.
The next morning she finally gets out of bed properly and sorts herself out. She showers and washes her hair and blow dries it nice but she puts on loungewear, clips her hair up and moves from her bed to the living room. But still it was something. She orders take out for lunch realising that she's barely eaten in days and she tells herself that she won't even need a personal trainer with the break up diet. The joke backfires when she thinks of Elliot again. He had only texted her one more time last night to tell her that he was there if she ever needed him and that he just wants to know she's alright.
She does want to text him and let him know she's fine, she doesn't want him worrying about her but if she texts him she knows where it'll lead and she's not ready for that conversation. She wonders if he knows about Trevor already, she assumes it's all the gossip between her peers right now and lord knows what he has overheard in that gym over the years.
She must have drifted off to sleep watching "The Bachelor" reruns because she hears a pounding on the door that jolts her awake. She's disorientated to find herself asleep on the sofa and she has no idea what time it is or who would be banging on her door like that. Her phone was still in the bedroom so she had no idea if someone had been trying to contact her.
"Olivia please. Open the door"
Elliot?
She kicks the throw off her and walks slowly to the door, listening again to check it was him.
"Liv, I'm worried. I heard.. Well I just want to check you're ok. This is all my fault. Liv?"
She opens the door, not because she wants to have him in her apartment but because she wants him to shut up outside it more.
"Elliot, what the hell are you doing here?!"
"You haven't been answering my texts" he states so matter of factly she wonders if she's the insane one here.
"So you just turned up at my door in the middle of the night?!"
"It's 9pm Liv"
"Well whatever time it is you shouldn't be here"
He wonders if he's gone too far turning up here. He'd had a few beers and it seemed like a good idea. He pictured her running into his arms so happy to see him, not her standing in front of her door blocking him out.
"But I am so why don't you invite me in? The quicker we talk the sooner you can kick me out again"
She steps aside and lets him in. Not because she wants to speak to him but because he is right, the quicker he gets his words out the quicker she can get him to leave.
He walks just inside the door and waits for her to lead the way into the living room. She offers him a seat on the sofa and takes the one on the opposite side of the coffee table.
It doesn't make him feel good with the distance but he wasn't going to let that shake him so he takes a seat and starts to talk.
"I was worried about you"
She was looking at the bowl of pompiree on the table between them again. Who knew something so small would be such a distraction for hard moments.
"There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine"
"Then why won't you speak to me?"
"What is there to say?"
"You just left my apartment and never said another word. I expected something!"
He's right, she was in the wrong. She never planned to leave him hanging like that but Trevor's news had changed everything. She looks up and he can see that she feels guilty.
"I'm sorry"
Elliot takes this as his opportunity to get closer to her so he stands up and rounds the table to sit next to her and grab her hands in his.
"You shouldn't be here Elliot. I can smell the booze. You're drunk"
"I'm not drunk. Brave from it" he laughs slightly. "But not drunk"
Now he's here she doesn't want him to go. She wants to take him into her bed and hold him tight but they need to speak first. She can't give him any false hope and they also can't take while he's intoxicated.
"You can sleep in the spare room and we can talk in the morning"
He nods. That was better than he expected so he didn't fight it. He could wait a few hours to finally talk to her.
She squeezes his hand before pulling hers away and standing up, motioning for him to follow her to the spare room. She doesn't remember the last time someone had stayed over and hopes it's still fresh in there. Then she remembered Trevor sleeping there a few weeks ago and she should have seen the red flag that her marriage was already dead at that point.
She opens the door and flicks on the light and Elliot follows her in and admires the room. Her whole apartment was pretty stunning, if you were into that sort of thing.
He walks past her to stand between her and the bed and turns back to face her. He wants to ask her to stay, to spend the night with him but he worries he might scare her off so he stays silent.
"I'll leave you to it then"
"Yea" she turns to walk to her room but stops at the door when he speaks again. "Thanks Liv"
"It's fine"
She turns and gives him a fake smile, as if everything in her life was fine then she walks out and closes the door behind her.
Elliot takes off his clothes, folding them and placing them on the chair in the corner of the room and crawls into bed.
It's comfy is all he can't think. He wonders how good her bed must feel if the guest bed feels this nice. It pains him to think of her only a few feet away but he can't see her, can't touch her. He wants to hold her as they sleep like he had done only a few nights ago. It was one of the best nights of his life and it was followed by one of the hardest times he's ever been through. He understood now why people say love hurts but you fight on, you fight for that special person no matter how much it hurts because they're worth it. Olivia is worth it.
Liv is laying on her back in bed. Her earlier nap has made her wide awake and she curses him for waking her. Though even if she hadn't already napped she wasn't sure she could sleep knowing Elliot was so close. He was in her apartment for god's sake. What are you doing here alone? Her heart asks her. You're doing the right thing. Don't lead him on. Her head argues back.
It's a sleepless night. She tosses and turns before picking up her phone to see the time. 12.25am.
It's not too late. Go and join him.
Please liv. Come and join me. Elliot begs in his own head, just as unable to sleep. He turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling wondering if she's having as hard of a time sleeping as he is.
She groans again and kicks the blanket off her and just lays there staring at the ceiling.
Fuck it.
She gets out of bed and tiptoes to the door, opening it and walking down the hallways silently. She still wasn't sure she should go through with it.
He thinks he can hear something so he turns his head towards the door and prays. Then it opens and around pops Olivia's head and he grins.
She doesn't speak as she closes the door behind her and walks around to her side of the bed. She wonders if she knew deep down she'd end up doing this eventually. This silk nighty she has on certainly wasn't top of her pyjama pile.
She lifts the blanket in and slides into bed. They face each other but none of them speak and none of them move. He can see she isn't sure about being here so he leans down and kisses her forehead.
Her eyes close at the contact and she tells herself to enjoy the moment. Whatever has to be said in the morning can be said then.
"Let's go to sleep Olivia"
She wraps her arm around him to pull him closer to her, her other arm laying between them. Both of his arms are wrapped around her, holding her just as tight, trying to tell her everything is ok and that's how they fall asleep. Arms and legs wrapped together, comforted and content just by the presence of the other.