Playlist:
Angels on the Moon – Thriving Ivory
In My Blood- Shawn Mendes
Unfaithful – Rihanna
Just Give Me A Reason (feat. Nate Ruess) - P!nk
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words. Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight series, and the songs belong to their respective people.
Angels on the Moon
Jasper was getting dizzy from watching Bella flit about Camp and the Castle. Bella had spent all night easing the panic after the gala. It was near dawn now, and Bella would only have a short break until her closing meetings with the noble leaders before their departure.
To the Fae, Carlisle's public murder of Aphroditus was nothing but a satisfactory sidenote to the breaking of the silence. Most of the bloodline bigwigs at the party seemed more horrified that a vampyr had called a blessing to himself. Then there were the Fae people, who were worried about Bella's security, Camp's defenses, and wasted no time demanding to know the exact circumstances of what had happened to Bella in her captivity.
Jasper and the rest of the Cullens had quickly been shuffled off to the medical wing, where a shaky Josephat had performed aura examinations on all of them, trying to parse out if vampires had magickal potential. When Bella came whirling in not even an hour later, Jo pulled her aside to speak privately; they were accidentally within range of Jasper's hearing.
"Jo. You can't possibly have any results yet, what's urgent? Not that I mind terribly, but I'm needed in about five other places right now."
"I have cause to speak to you. I first wish to apologize for my inaction in the ballroom."
"You don't need to apologize to me. You and Aphroditus were friends since 'Tuss was in diapers. I am sorry for your loss."
"Are you?"
Josephat's voice was sharp and accusatory. Bella's focus sharpened on the healer as she crossed her hands behind her back, falling into parade rest with her eyes narrowed and her face blank. Josephat crossed his arms over his chest.
"You thought he was going to free you from the Silence. I must believe that. You pushed him because you thought he was going to free you from his cast. That, at least, I must believe I know you well enough to say."
Bella's voice was pitched low and dangerous. "I hoped so. I did not know what would happen. I also knew I had to make my choice anyway. Just like I know that I don't owe you an explanation."
"Of course. A pity then, that there is no one else to explain, now that Aphroditus is dead. He is dead by Carlisle's hands. I know Carlisle to be a righteous man. It's good to know that you realize what a powerful weapon a righteous man can be."
Jasper crept a glance at his father. Carlisle was firmly out of earshot, still shaking slightly, holding Esme's hand and speaking to her seriously.
Jasper had lived through the newborn wars, and he had fought for Maria for too long to pretend he didn't know what Josephat was hinting at. Maria had never hesitated to order him to kill in her name, but Jasper knew Bella too well to think she would dismiss it as easily as Maria did. Power was a cutting thing, especially power over life and death. Jasper's suspicions were confirmed when Bella stiffened.
"Say what you're saying, Josephat. It was not my intention for Aphroditus to die."
"You wanted the silence to end. You wanted my friend of eighty years to be exposed as a fraud and a liar. You wanted these things. You pushed and manipulated until a situation came about where they would happen. You got what you wanted. And now you are free of the silence. But Aphroditus is dead. It's possible that you did not intend for him to die, but it sure did work out well for you. Funny how often that happens. If your luck improves much more, we'll need to build a new cemetery."
"Josephat, you are out of line." Marcos had appeared next to Bella, one hand on the pommel of the dagger in his belt with his lip curling up. Bella suddenly looked very tired.
"Marcos, stop. Jo, you know me better than that."
"Do I?" Jo nodded towards Marcos. "Because a lot of righteous men seem to be taking up arms."
"I don't have time for a philosophy lesson, Josephat. I'm a bit busy. I hold no man captive. If you want to leave, go. If you want to lead, fight. Otherwise? I'll leave the philosophy to you and take my leave."
Bella took two steps forward, until she was right in Josephat's space, and pinned him in place with a serious glare. "I intend to pay for my mistakes with my life, Josephat. I am aware that it is not nearly enough, but it is all I have to give. That will not stop me from holding my citizens accountable for their choices. Consequences are the price of choice. Aphroditus deserved to pay for his offenses against me with his life, though I would not have seen him dead. Carlisle was indeed a righteous man, and still is. Do you think, even if I had wished to end 'Tuss's life, that I would have chosen Carlisle to take it? If you know me at all, you know that I would not. No one is free from the consequences of their choices. Not you— and most especially not me. Just something to keep in mind."
Bella left quickly. She didn't even stop to say goodbye to Edward. After overhearing that, it was all Jasper could do not to punch the man as he took his samples of hair and venom. He settled for glaring at Josephat until the healer shifted uncomfortably.
The next time Jasper saw Bella, Marcos was unceremoniously shoving her into her usual seat in the dining hall with a dangerous glare. "Stay put."
"Marcos, we can't increase the panic around our security right now. It's not a big dea—"
"Isabella Swan, if you move from this chair before I return, I will personally throw you into the panic room. If I can't be by your side, Edward and the vampires are the next best thing. Do. Not. Move."
"Marcos." Bella took hold of Marcos' forearm to comfort him, gripping it firmly and meeting his eyes. "I'm okay. I barely took a single sip; Kay caught it. I promise, I won't move from this spot until you return."
Marcos' face softened and he stroked Bella's cheekbone in a way that made Edward bristle visibly. Neither he nor Bella offered further explanation to any of them. Instead, Marcos snapped a turn on his heel, and Jasper saw him signal Kaedra to join their group as he walked away.
"Hey guys. I'm sorry about the exams, I appreciate you all going along with them. The consensus on your magical potential is a lot of healer gobbledygook that boils down to 'No one knows.' — No offense, Carlisle. The whole medical wing is frothing at the mouth, and the librarians are considering a revolt of their own. How's your morning going?"
Esme kissed Bella's cheek, and Bella grinned at his mom as she stroked Bella's hair.
"I am incredibly glad you are well and recovering. Did the coffee I sent to your office get to you?"
"Yeah, I got it. Thanks, it really livened things up."
Bella turned to Carlisle, reaching to touch his father's hand without interrupting his conversation with one of Camp's many historians. Carlisle let her know he was okay by squeezing it gently. Alice had gotten pulled into the discussion with one of the Seer's council while Rosalie listened intently. Emmett was glaring at every person who approached their table requesting Bella's signature or opinion; Jasper's brother managed to scare most of the petitioners away. Those he missed quickly turned around at Edward's intimidating stare. Edward put an arm around Bella's waist possessively.
"Have you slept at all, Bella? Honestly, you'd think you hadn't nearly died yesterday."
"Well, you know how it is. One near-death experience leads to another, and suddenly it's breakfast!"
"Uh-huh. I'd appreciate it if you rested some. I'd also really like it if you could go today without anyone trying to kill you."
"No promises."
Bella nicked the toast off Kaedra's plate when she joined them. Jasper was reaching for a pitcher across from Emmett when —
Suspicion. Fear. Despair. Self- Disgust.
The emotions were loud and red-hot, like a sudden burn across his empathic senses. He looked around for the source of the emotions, and Bella frowned as she put the toast back on Kay's plate.
The regent glared and took a bite before she passed it back, this time with a packet of peanut butter and a knife. She pointed the knife at Bella and her face was mocking as she threatened her queen. "Eat it, Bella, or I'll tell on you."
Kay pointed the knife towards Edward and Esme as she took a bite of an apple, passing that over too. Bella rolled her eyes and her emotions faded into amusement and grateful warmth. She ate her secondhand breakfast ravenously as she began to joke around with Emmett, pulling Kaedra and Edward into the teasing.
It was nothing more than a blip in the conversation, nothing more than another snarky aside between Bella and her regent. No one else even noticed the quiet exchange. Bella's intense emotions had been gone in less than a second, replaced with a reasonable, surface-level amusement.
Jasper felt every muscle in his arm move, hypersensitive and careful to remain nonchalant as he poured himself a glass of thick red fluid. He was careful to cover his thoughts from his mind-reading brother and give no indication of the adrenaline sharpening his predatory instincts. Jasper let out a quiet breath through his teeth, proud of his control over his sudden animalistic need to defend.
Bella took her last bite as Marcos returned, bending low to whisper directly in Bella's ear. She got up quickly. Jasper couldn't quite hear what he said, unable to focus on him properly. He was too caught up in suppressing his need to fix whatever had made Bella feel that way — preferably by killing it immediately. How had she been able to dissipate such intense feelings? It was unnatural. Every instinct Jasper possessed was screaming wrong at him.
Later, he walked with Alice to the Seer's compound. When she kissed his cheek to say goodbye, he surprised her by sweeping her into a spin and kissing her passionately. She giggled at him, drawing closer. Jasper let his wife's effervescence seep into his bones, an armor for his empathic senses.
"What was that for, Major?"
"I just love you. Have a good day, okay? I'm going to take a break from the training grounds today, just hang out around Camp a bit."
"Ja-azz." Alice drew out his name as she pulled herself onto her tippy toes to kiss him teasingly. She shook a finger at him, mockingly stern. "What are you up to?"
Jasper affected an exaggerated faint, putting one hand to his forehead like a southern lady. "I'm afraid, my darling, that I have been reduced to meddling in the affairs of witches."
Alice snorted at his dramatics, grinning brightly. "I'll look out for it then. Sounds exciting, at least."
Jasper had planned to accompany Alice this morning and run drills with the first years this afternoon, but Alice was content and only mildly curious as to why he was changing their plan. She kissed him properly before she left, and Jasper turned back to Castle HQ.
He found Bella as she was saying goodbye to Edward, gently insisting that he would be horribly bored waiting in the hallway for her all day. He eventually agreed and kissed her goodbye with a sweetness Jasper had never seen in him. Bella tried to walk away, but Edward didn't let go of her hand, instead pulling her back in for another kiss, and Jasper began doubting what he had felt from her that morning. Bella was bubbling over with love for his brother, her emotions sweet and giddy, as steady as the river. Still, when she walked to the stairs alone, Jasper followed stealthily.
This time, the emotions seeped into her like an insidious mist, slowly and steadily building until they hurt. There were the bitter notes of fear and sadness, the dark bass of despair, the staccato beat of protective fury. There was a quiet loneliness that comforted her somehow, like the sound of wind chimes gently lacing themselves through her emotions. Underneath it all was an overwhelming and familiar longing that robbed Jasper of his breath.
When Bella stepped off the stairs to meet Marcos and Kaedra, the emotions disappeared like they had never been there.
What the hell?
Jasper had never known someone who could manipulate their own emotions so easily, as though it was second nature. Even unable to access the council chamber where the meetings were held, Jasper noticed the strange breakthrough of emotional turmoil two more times.
Bella's emotions were loud and urgent, at least twice as strong as any he had encountered. It was like he had only seen lakes and rivers his whole existence, and suddenly he was seeing the ocean for the first time. Jasper was nearly hyperventilating, and he had the advantage of missing a heartbeat. Bella's grief and despair pulled at him painfully, seeking to drag him into the undertow and drown him.
The noon bell rang out, but Bella begged off accompanying Marcos to the dining hall, claiming she needed to de-escalate after the tense and focused meetings and muttering about how she shouldn't eat anything today anyway. Marcos seemed concerned, protesting that Bella shouldn't be alone, but Bella convinced him. He headed off, leaving Bella alone at her office door.
For a little while, Bella stayed determined and focused on the papers in front of her; eventually she sighed and put aside the work for a break. When Bella put her head in her hands, rubbing her eyes, that undertow of terrible longing came again. Bella was sitting at her desk, sunlight streaming in through the window and the civil reports open in front of her, and all she could think about was how much she wanted to die. Her despair was intense, enough to blur Jasper's focus. He fought to keep his eyes on her, swallowing his own fear.
She got up as though in a daze, opening a hidden cubby in the wall. Something inside it glowed with a vivid blue light that illuminated her face. She reached out, rolling a small vial filled with glowing fluid between her fingers.
Anticipation. Desperation. Fear.
She closed the vial in her hand tightly, before—Regret. Determination. Disappointment.
She returned the vial to its hiding place with a sigh. Instead, she reached into a hidden hip-pocket in her dress as she swung the door to the cubby closed, pulling out a jagged piece of shattered glass. She fiddled with it, gripping it tightly and running her thumb along a dull edge. She was considering something.
Considering what?
Jasper watched as she made her decision. She tapped the mirror shard twice with drumming fingers before holding it up, gazing at her eyes reflected at her. At the edge of Jasper's perception, he realized the eyes in the reflection were the wrong color to be hers. Before the thought could process, Bella spoke.
"Alieya Keia."
Jasper was startled by the light giggling that echoed around the room.
A ghostly set of figures outlined in golden magic became more opaque as they stretched out of the mirror shard in Bella's hand. A woman with red hair and large green eyes held hands with the handsome, brown-eyed man, both grinning softly at Bella. The figures were still somewhat translucent. They were echoes. They didn't speak, but each of them reached to caress Bella's face gently. The longing and loneliness in Bella spiked sharply.
"You know, I should be having lunch with Edward and his family right now. Not hiding in my office playing with ghosts. You aren't even real." Bella reached for the man's hand, twirling her fingers through the golden light that made up his form as her hand passed right through him.
The woman- Adeline, it had to be. She was older somehow. Adeline's face grew sad, and she stroked Bella's cheek with a teary smile, her fingertips passing right through Bella's skin. The tears made tracks on the echo's face, but they dissolved into shooting stars made of golden light before they hit the floor.
A bittersweet smile formed on Bella's face, painful to see. "Don't cry. I haven't cast you in so long, I had forgotten that freckle in your eye. Jeez, how could I forget that? Let me see you smile, Addy. There's no time for tears now, save them for later." The man drew nearer now, wiping the tears from Addy's face. The echoes were solid to each other.
Bella spoke to them again. "God, I miss you. I want to talk to you, to tell you about Edward and the Cullens. Oh! You don't know. Edward—you remember I told you about him, right? Last time." Adeline nodded eagerly; her head bobbing childishly though her features were adult. "Edward and the Cullens are in Havana now." The two ghosts looked suitably shocked, before the man clapped his hands together in surprised pleasure. No sound was transmitted, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference to any of them. His grin was broad and inviting as he embraced Adeline in celebration.
Both turned back to Bella excitedly, but Bella's smile had dropped, turning to face the man. "I've submitted them to become a bloodline. They want more than that - for me to be part of their family, you know. I can't...well. I can't do it, obviously." The man, who had to be Fiore, stepped into Bella's space, stopping just short of touching her. He quirked an eyebrow at her, and his face was mock stern.
"Quit looking at me like that, Fio. I can't. You know why. You-" Bella swallowed hard, staring into the echoes' brown eyes. "You of all people know why."
Fiore smiled broadly as he leaned back, shrugging. He spread his arms in a questioning gesture and turned a slow circle in front of the two women with cockiness in every movement, as if to say, "No problems here, just look at this perfection."
Bella's laugh was almost a sob. "Well, I mean there's the fact that you're dead, you dumbass. Might be a slight problem." She threw a pillow through him.
The figures sat on the couch and Bella settled between them, careful not to touch the echoes. The furniture didn't so much as rustle when the echoes settled on it. For a moment, Bella seemed to drink in their faces. The group leaned in close to one another, their foreheads barely not-touching and speaking without word or sound. They were sharing something, something precious and joyful and intimate. Jasper felt like an intruder of the worst kind, a peeping-tom in the window. A lock of Adeline's hair fell between them, and Bella reached to tuck it behind her ear. When her fingertips couldn't grasp it, her soft smile dropped.
"No." Bella jerked back from the echoes, getting up quickly. "This isn't..." Bella closed her eyes on a hopeless sigh. "This isn't right. It's a lie. You're not real. It's not better than Glow, it's just a different sort of addiction. It's not fair to Edward, I don't like it. I need to send you away, now."
She didn't.
Bella leaned against the desk with her hips canted to hold her weight. Her shoulders slumped as tears began to form in her eyes. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes from the golden echoes in front of her. Fiore and Adeline's smiles dropped; the rays of golden light that outlined their forms dimmed. Jasper could feel the wave of Bella's emotions form like watching the ocean gather water. It pulled him under the tide of feeling mercilessly. There were too many emotions in her to name them all.
The weight, it's crushing me. She's feeling...everything right now. It's too much. I can't focus, I can't get away from it. Jasper felt like he had when he was a newborn, on the cusp of losing himself in someone else's emotions, on the verge of being consumed.
Jasper was ravaged by the blistering heat of the emotions in Bella's mind, unable to hold on to himself over the din of her feelings. The undertow pulled Bella under, and Jasper drowned with her for a long moment.
He faintly perceived another decision from Bella. When Bella fell to her knees on the floor of her office, all at once the tornado of emotion was gone. The emotions had been sheared off, a wire pulled too taut and sliced free. It hurt, enough that Jasper had to muffle his yelp. Suddenly, Jasper could feel nothing from her. She was a wall of silent ice that turned his fingertips cold and shoved him back into his own mind mercilessly.
Wrong.
The sudden numbness scared him more than the storm had. The golden echoes of Adeline and Fiore knelt next to Bella on the floor, but they couldn't touch her, couldn't speak. The ghosts had tears in their eyes as they clasped hands with one another, reaching for Bella though their hands could not grasp her.
Jasper felt everything he had believed about Bella shift sideways just slightly. This was what Bella felt when she was alone. This was what hid behind that teenage mask in Forks, the entire time. The tapestry of emotions was neon in a world of pastels; Jasper was an empath; he could feel it. The everything of it all had achedthrough him as it did through her. Bella's empathic self was massive, intricate and expanding in every direction. She was happy and sad and guilty and free and everything else, all at once.
Jasper could hardly wrap his mind around how much depth rang through Bella's psyche, much less how she could so effectively concealit at any given moment. How had he missed this? It was all Jasper could manage to stay hidden. He wanted so badly to embrace her, to give her that simple gift of a comforting touch.
Bella was still for a moment that stretched, and her voice was emotionless when she mumbled the words.
"Afiorte. End."
As Bella rose from her knees numbly, the mirror shard dangling from her exhausted fingertips glowed golden.
Fiore and Adeline disappeared.
In My Blood
The numbness rang through the room, everything suddenly silent and motionless save for Bella's panting breaths. For long moments Bella stood, exhausted and rooted to the spot where she had sent the echoes away. Her dead face and numb emptiness lasted a second longer than Jasper could bear, so he pulled himself out from between the bookshelf and the wall slowly, trying not to startle her.
Her movements were dreamlike as she turned her head and when she saw him, her eyes went wide with the knowledge that she had been caught. Her emotional camouflage snapped back into place, and Bella's emotions were innocuous once more. But Jasper knew what to look for now, and when he sharpened his empathic senses the deep ocean of her feelings was still there, just below the surface.
"Oh... Empathic. Dammit, there's always something that gives away the con. How long have you been spying on me?"
"Since breakfast." Jasper kept his voice pitched quietly. He took a few cautious steps towards her, hands raised like he was approaching an animal in the wild. "You know I'm real, right? Not an echo."
"Yes. I can usually tell the difference. That's why the illusion only works if no one else is around." Bella's head followed his movement around her, but her face did not change. Her emotions remained a faraway mist.
"They were Adeline and Fiore, right? Why did you call them?"
Some tension inside Bella released suddenly, and Jasper could read her more clearly than he ever had before. She sighed as she sat on the edge of the couch, turning the mirror shard over and over in her hands. Now, she just projected exhaustion. She was silent.
Jasper realized she wasn't going to answer him easily, so he leaned against her desk and crossed his ankles. He had nowhere else to be, and he was Emmett's brother. He could play this game. They sat in tense silence for almost five full minutes before Bella met his eyes.
"I have work to do, Jasper." Bella's voice held warning.
"And yet, here we are." Jasper almost grinned at her threat. Bella was seriously freaking him out, but she wouldn't hurt him.
Her face twisted, and Jasper felt her emotions begin to rise again. Before Bella could snap at him, he flashed, taking her hand and sitting next to her. "Bella. What's going on? I can't believe I'm saying this to you right now, but...you're scaring me." He sent her a wave of his emotions, letting her feel the knot in his stomach for herself.
Her face softened. "You know, you and your family are really nosy."
On an impulse, Jasper twisted them so that Bella's head lay on his lap. He looked down at her, keeping her hand in his as she settled her feet up on the short couch with a raised eyebrow. Jasper knew Bella liked to be touched, it made her feel safe. Alice would be proud of him later, and the affection came easily to him when he looked at Bella.
"Yeah, well. You're really stubborn. Come on, out with it."
She sighed, but this time she gave in. She gripped the mirror shard tightly in her free hand. Bella mumbled the words like a child caught breaking a rule.
"Someone put Glow in my coffee this morning."
"Were they trying to poison you?"
Whatever Jasper had been expecting, this wasn't it. Carlisle and Edward had let the rest of them know about Bella's history in Miami and her troubles with addiction, but Jasper had to admit he hadn't paid the drug much attention.
"...In a sense. Glow is incredibly addictive, and I used to have a problem — a big problem. Glow strips away my mental defenses, leaves me vulnerable to all sorts of fun telepathic manipulation. Don't worry, the Castle has some defensive abilities that keep my mind safe. Still, it's why you were able to feel my emotions even though I was trying to conceal them." She tapped her forehead. "Sheilds are compromised."
Jasper doubted the telepathic manipulation Bella referenced was in any way "fun".
"Do you always shield your emotions from me? How? It's like you just...turned them off."
"I don't hide them from you...actively. Usually, I don't shield them; it takes energy. It's more like...distraction. I've noticed that if I think of something else when you're around, you don't tend to focus on one person enough to notice their deeper feelings."
She was right. Bella must have paid very close attention to him to realize that, and Jasper felt a rush of affection for his sister, not at all dissimilar to what he felt when she beat him at chess. He frowned at the thought of her struggle.
"It's hurting you. The poison. Glow."
"Yes. For lots of reasons. Think of a chemical explosion. All the emotional soup that the spell can whip up, a chemical buffet that doesn't end. Well, for a few minutes at least; until your brain can't maintain the pace and your neural receptors malfunction. Kaboom. An explosion like that? When I'm high, I don't feel anything, no emotion at all. The numbness is intoxicating and addictive. It can push the Master away, even, if I get the dosage right. But the come-down is a bitch. As in, it can kill you. Any and all mental shields can fall—not to mention seizures, strokes, the whole lot. Your brain scrambles to replace the chemicals and goes into overdrive for about twenty-four hours. Everything in your mind does a hard reset— bye-bye euphoria, hello psychosis. Sometimes, the only way to stop it is to get high, even if you don't want to. All our healing power can't help. To say it sucks is a colossal understatement. Only about five percent of Glow addicts ever manage to get clean, and some of them die trying."
"This morning, I just got a small amount in my system. Kay caught it in time, before I got a full dose. That's good, it means I won't get high, no explosion. But even the little bit I've been exposed to today is dangerous in a different way. My brain recognizes Glow, so it's kicking into overdrive, prepping for the reset."
"The exposure put you straight back into withdrawal."
"Yeah."
The room was silent, Bella was focused on the ceiling above him.
"And the echoes?"
"I had to stop using. There was no choice when I left Miami. I had to get clean before I went to Forks, there was nowhere to get any Glow. I wanted to stop; I knew I would never really be free until I did. I called my mom and told her I was road-tripping it down to Forks to finish high school with Dad, that I'd like to stay in touch once I got there but wouldn't be around before then. I couldn't detox around people; there was too much risk of me going under, losing my shit. Charlie had a fishing cabin, this little shack by the lake. Damn thing isn't even windproof, but it's pretty secluded up there outside of fishing season. I went cold turkey, and I cast Addy and Fio to help me, to keep me distracted. I'd make it a few days before I'd slip. But then I kept relapsing, kept trying again..."
"You couldn't tell what was real." Jasper's voice cracked at his horrifying epiphany.
"Got it in one. It took me almost a full month to crawl out of the crazy. It turned out to be a good thing, it gave the town time to talk about me before I arrived, and made the move seem more planned and natural. Mom and Dad didn't worry too much; I just told some story about my truck breaking down."
"A... good...thing." Jasper almost choked on the words. "You were detoxing from the world's deadliest drug addiction, so you made magickal hallucinations of your dead lovers and went crazy in the woods outside Forks for a month... and you want me to believe it's a good thing."
Bella shrugged at him. "To be fair, I didn't know about the vampires and shapeshifters at that point."
Jasper loosened his hold on her hand, he must have been crushing her in his grip.
"Okay." Jasper took a deep breath, pushing aside his horror to deal with later. "How long will this last? From the little bit that got into your system. How long will it affect you?"
"It should be out of my system by tomorrow morning, but it'll get worse before it gets better. Tonight should be interesting, but there's nothing to do but carry on. I should probably sleep here instead of the Attic." Bella snorted. "I'll be okay, I won't use. I couldn't do that to you guys. Marcos, especially. He hated it when I got high, before."
But Jasper suddenly hated the walls of Bella's office with a passion he usually reserved for inaccurate history books. In fact, Jasper hated even just the thought of his sister being alone while she faced this. It was unacceptable. He wouldn't be able to convince her to accept help on his own, but he knew who could. The words left his mouth before he thought to say them.
"You need to tell Edward about this."
Bella sat up so fast she almost knocked their foreheads together, wrenching her hand from his. "The hell I am. Jasper, you cannot tell him."
"I'm not Fae yet, Bella. You can't tell me what to do. You need to tell him."
"Or what? You will? I don't respond well to threats, Jasper." She was scrambling to put physical distance between them, and Jasper felt the sharp tang of her feeling of betrayal hit him hard. He pushed his good intentions at her, but they only made her eyes flash dangerously.
"It doesn't have to be a threat. Bella, you don't have to do this alone. Let us help."
"There's nothing you can do. If I don't relapse, it's not a problem."
"You can't possibly believe that. And Bella...Bella there is Glow in this room. I saw you looking at it."
"I put it back. That doesn't mean I'm going to use it, it's only there for contingencies."
"You expect me to leave you alone, knowing all of this? Just leave you to drown in what you're feeling? Tell me, Bella, what's the Fae equivalent of a coroner?"
The moment of unexpected silence lent power to the sudden threat of violence that rang through the room. Bella had been pushing off the couch to get away from him, but she stopped dead in her tracks at his insinuation. She rang with shock and something darker before she ruthlessly cut off those emotions too. Jasper winced.
Bella's eyes narrowed. "I am not suicidal."
Well, he'd said it now. He may as well use it to his advantage.
"Maybe not right now. But you have been before. I've felt it, that longing in you. I recognize it, I know it better than I'd like. And when you were pushing at Aphroditus yesterday, it was there then. Josephat wouldn't be happy to know you lied to him this morning."
"Are you blackmailing me, Jasper?" Bella's tone was calculating and empty, but her emotions vacillated between horrified and mildly impressed, with no small dose of grudging respect growing below her panic.
"If that's what it takes. I cannot in good conscience leave you to suffer this. I don't want to. I want you to be well, Bella. You need to tell Edward. I'll stay with you, if that will help. I'll go get him, even. But I want a promise. I want you to promise me you'll tell him. You said it yourself, it isn't fair to him."
Bella visibly gave up. She seemed to collapse inward, and Jasper could practically see her retreat behind mental walls. He could feel nothing from her, and it was wrong. Bella's emotions were vivid, a complicated and beautiful melody. It was a tragedy for them to be so muted. Jasper sent her a wave of his newfound determination. He would be watching his sister more closely from now on.
After a moment of searching his countenance for weakness, Bella held out the mirror shard in her hand. "Just...just give him this. He'll know what it means. I'll be here, when you get back."
Jasper took it, giving her a questioning look.
"I promise, I'll be here, sober, when you get back." The flash of annoyance on her face matched her emotions, and she held up three fingers in the girl scout salute, crossing her heart with her other hand. Jasper took the comfort for what it was, showing her a cheeky grin as he flung open the door.
His fake grin faded to a soldier's focus as he raced through the Castle. He wasn't leaving Bella alone for a half-second longer than it took him to find Edward.
Unfaithful
Edward was in the Library when Jasper came to him, still fighting his disappointment that Bella had missed lunch. He sensed his brother before he saw him. When Jasper rounded the corner, Edward was already aware of his near-panicked state.
His family was very good at communicating silently and efficiently. In less than a heartbeat, Edward was setting down the book in his hand and reaching for the mirror shard Jasper held out to him. He forced himself to take one deep breath through the intense jealousy that strangled him at the thought of Bella's delusions. He took one more breath to get through the fear that followed as he thought of the drug. Clearly, he had underestimated the hold that Glow had on Bella. An impotent anger flared to life in him, an impatience to destroy anyone who had brought harm to his lover. He held up a hand so his brother wouldn't follow him. Then, he was running, already down the hallway and the staircase.
When he reached Bella's office, the door was closed. He was reaching to open it when he felt his body freeze, motionless in the hallway. He couldn't go in there like this, fearful and jealous and angry. Bella needed him. He squared his shoulders and opened the door softly, closing it gently behind him before he turned to face her.
Edward had never seen such relief fall across Bella's face or anyone else's. A great release of pressure rang through the room like the ring of a bell. He took two steps, and she was in his arms.
"Hi." Her voice was small, just a little weepy. "I wasn't sure you'd come. I mean, I knew you would come, but you don't really like to talk about them and I'm sorry, but I messed up a little bit and now Jasper probably thinks I'm crazy or something. I'm not, but I do have to tell you something and it involves them and I'm pretty sure you won't like it and …"
Edward put one hand over Bella's mouth, and she stopped rambling. "Jasper told me. I can read minds, remember? I'm still here. I'm not angry. Well, I'm very angry that you got poisoned and didn't tell me, but we can talk about that later. I'm not mad about..." Edward took a deep breath, realizing as the words left his mouth that he meant them. "I'm not mad about Adeline and Fiore. I want to talk to you about them. You've cast some kind of spell, something where you can still see them. Why?"
"No! No, it's not like that. I haven't cast for the echoes in years, since shortly after I met you- the night of prom. I just needed...them...today. With the Silence, and the Glow, I wanted to remember for myself. I needed to remember."
She took a deep breath before she backed away from him slightly, beginning to pace. She wrung her small hands, gesticulating wildly. Her eyes were lighting up with passion like they always did when she was sharing new magick with him. "Okay, so. Don't tell anyone this. It would be bad if certain people found this out. But the mirror shard is a special thing. It's part of this invention that was made so that me and Addy and Fiore could stay together, even when we were apart. Fiore designed it and cast the original spell work. It took him forever, and Fiore was brilliant, really. He could create things that would make your jaw drop, and he outdid himself on this one. We each had one; it was just a small hand mirror. And when we had it with us, it would collect our memories. It could cast echoes of our surroundings so that we could all watch them, later, or even in real-time."
Bella's face fell slowly, back to a faraway place he could not go. He could almost see her happy emotions dissolve, replaced by darkness and pain. "The mirrors must have broken when they died...I found them in the music room, after. It..." Bella's brow crinkled in pain; she tripped over her next breath like she'd taken a punch to the stomach. In the space of her heartbeat, Edward had her hands in his. He laid a kiss on her knuckles as she continued, softer now. "...It hurt me. To see them lying broken on the floor like that. I took a shard with me."
"It wasn't until later I remembered that it holds all the memories, still. So, I used it to build the echoes. It's just magickal math, predictive text. Artificial intelligence at its finest. They're not...real. They're just echoes of what might have been. I'm not unfaithful to you, Edward. They're just ghosts. They're important to me, but I don't, I would never...It's hard to explain. I just need you to know that I wouldn't give you up for anything, yeah? Not even this."
Edward nodded thoughtfully at her. He knew that Bella loved him, but some part of her loved them too. Even the memory of them. Bella still grieved them, would never stop grieving them. They were a part of her. Would she share this part of herself with him?
"Can I see? Can I see the echoes, can you introduce me to them?"
Bella stumbled suddenly, tripping over her own feet. Edward caught her. She was shaking slightly, clutching at his waist to stay upright. She had dropped her head, trying to catch herself; when she looked up, he was caught off guard by doe-brown eyes that were slightly misty.
"Yes. Yes, Edward, I would love it if you wanted me to introduce you to them. I would—I would really, really love that."
Her pleased smile was infectious, and for a moment Edward and Bella smiled at each other. Bella stroked his face.
"That's my favorite smile on you." Bella breathed the words from under low lashes, hints of gold and brown peeking from the irises beneath; it was unintentionally seductive. Edward was dazzled and dazzling, and Bella inhaled sharply as he met her lips with his. He could taste her relief and joy in the kiss. She tugged at his hair, signaling her need to breathe, and she giggled in his ear when he reluctantly pulled away. "Now who's making who jealous?"
"Huh?" Edward was distracted by her breath on his face but followed her gaze over his shoulder.
There, leaning weightlessly against Bella's desk, were two golden-lined echoes. The woman was sunshine in a yellow sundress - all red hair and freckles, big green eyes and pale skin that stretched into long legs. She was slightly more voluptuous than Bella, with a round face and plump lips that curled into a mischief-laced smile as she leaned toward him from the man's lap.
The man was gorgeous. A cropped, short haircut with longer bangs fell into warm brown eyes that peered at him with the glow of sharp wit and intelligence, framed by high cheekbones and a strong jaw. His tan skin glowed from a life spent outside. Fiore arched a fine eyebrow, and Edward had been attracted to other men before, but he was surprised by how beautiful he found the two of them, sunshine and starlight.
Bella took in his reaction, looking pleased, and tugged him closer to the desk. "Come on, say hi. They don't talk, but they can communicate pretty well around that."
When Bella drew closer to them, Edward had to stop and breathe around the picture she made, standing next to them. Night and Sunshine and Sky, Bella added balance to the other two. They drew nearer to her, reaching around her waist to clasp hands with one another over Bella's form, a strange hug that sandwiched her between them. Edward was awed by how seamlessly they complimented each other, and on the tail end of the feeling he felt a profound sadness. Where was there room for him in such beauty?
He summoned his courage and took another step towards the echoes. Their acknowledgement was immediate. Adeline stepped back and away from Bella, something wicked and seductive in her eyes as she began to circle Edward, taking him in. Fiore stepped forward into Edward's space and waved his arm over Edward's hand, making his skin react and shine under the man's glow.
"That's beautiful." Bella was breathless, and Edward snapped to face her. "No, no, don't. I just didn't know I would like it so much. Watching you with them. They like your skin so much because I used to tell them about how you shine, in Forks."
"You did?" Edward was distracted by Adeline's predatory circle getting closer to him and Fiore's contemplation of his heartbeat. The ghostly man had put his ear to Edward's chest for god's sake, and now he was motioning for Edward to lift his arm, seeming preoccupied with his hands and the pulse point of his wrist. When Fiore put his hand through Edward's, seeming to test for resistance, Adeline rushed forward and took hold of the man, chastising him silently.
Bella was sitting in the desk chair behind him. She crossed her legs as Addy began her examination, poking at Edward's hair and smiling up at him. "Well, yeah. I told them lots about you, that first year. But like I said, I haven't called them in a long time. You have one too, it's been called a little more recently."
"I have a what?"
"You have an echo, like them. Well, it's nowhere near as advanced as they are. I haven't spent as much time on it, yet, and it's harder without the frameworks Fiore laid down. I made it while you were gone. I learned from the first time that it's easier to get the whole picture while it's still fresh. The details last longer. You can take your time with them. It's the more general things."
Addy was motioning him to raise his hands too, just like Fiore had.
Edward complied, but soon his attention was ripped from the woman in front of him and back to Bella. She was suddenly near to him; she was stroking his jaw where it met the curve of his throat with the back of her knuckles. "This line here, this angle. I could identify you with nothing but this touch, a thousand years from now."
Edward curved into the slight touch, tried to increase contact at their solitary point of connection. Adeline swiped at Bella with playful jealousy, wanting Edward's attention back.
Bella was back in her chair in a blink. "But I wanted to remember everything. It had to be perfect. Not just that angle, but how it changed when you gritted your teeth, when you were frustrated with me because I wasn't behaving like a teenage human should. So, this time I started early."
Adeline distracted him with a ghostly hand waving in front of his face. She locked eyes with Edward, studying his amber gaze with intensity. Edward noticed flecks of silver in her emerald eyes. The echoes were incredibly detailed. He had one of these?
"Wait, you told me about mine. You told me you hallucinated me, when I was gone. This is what you were talking about." Edward ripped his eyes from Addy's to meet Fiore's coffee-colored gaze. His eyes were a different shade of brown than Bella's; there were hints of a mossy green that shone in his iris in the light. It was more like looking into the forest than pools of rich chocolate, but nonetheless compelling in a new way.
"Yes. I couldn't let it be like you had asked, as though you never existed. You had to exist, just as much as they did. I had to remember you. Like I said, it was harder. I did most of the work on it when I was in the water, after I jumped off the cliff. It was why I did everything I did, motorcycles and cliff diving. The adrenaline helped me picture you more clearly."
"I'm glad I went to Volterra, then. I was a fool to leave you alone, to give you more grief."
"I will never be glad that you went to Volterra. There are things I did not wish to know about myself."
Bella reached for him through the insubstantial echoes, molding herself against him and pushing him back against the couch. They seemed to understand, drawing away and perching on the desk. Adeline sat cross-legged on its surface while Fiore leaned against it, taking her hand.
"Bella?" He let her settle against his shoulder, gathering her close. He set her in his lap as he sat, looking into the warm molten chocolate eyes he adored.
"Do you know why these echoes are so vivid, Edward? I put obsessive detail into them, but a lot of their liveliness comes from Fiore's enchantments, not mine. The mirrors contained just a touch of our aura magicks: mine and Fio and Addy's. These echoes have it too. Just a thread of Fiore and Adeline's souls. You have an echo, and you stood in the full sun in Volterra. Only for a moment, but it was enough. It was long enough that I knew."
He kissed her forehead. "Knew what?"
"That I would've stolen you. That I would've taken a piece of your aura and put it in your echo, if I hadn't gotten to you in time. I would've found a way; I'd have stolen you from death and kept you tucked away where only I could see you, forever. For as long as I lived. It was the one time. The one time I ever wondered if I had it in me to Bind someone."
"And would you? Would you have Bound me to you?"
"Maybe. Yes."
"Good." Bella shoved against his chest angrily, sitting up, but Edward only looked at her steadily. "I told you. You're my heaven, you're the only redemption I need."
"You shouldn't say stuff like that, Edward."
"Why not? It's true."
"Because." She buried her head in his chest, turning so she draped over him more completely. "Because I might not make it. There are times when I wonder if I'll make it another second, another minute. I fall or I die, Edward. There is no other option for me."
Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw the echoes of Adeline and Fiore stiffen and glare, their faces fading into warrior's determination. Edward understood their meaning perfectly, because he shared their feelings. "That's not going to happen, Bella. I will not allow it."
"Edward, it isn't that I don't believe you, it's that you don't know. My dreams...sometimes it takes everything I have to make it to morning, and then there is the day to face. Your father had never taken a life in anger before. And yesterday, he did. Carlisle killed a man, and he did it in my name. I have to live with that."
"Edward, I'm not scared to go to the other-side. I'll face judgement gladly. But I can't think I'll be absolved of my sins, and I'm scared of leaving you behind. I'm scared to be separated from you like I am from them. An echo will never be enough."
A new ghost began to shimmer into existence. As Edward watched, he saw himself shimmer and form, shakier than the echoes of Adeline and Fiore, in the center of the room. He felt a shiver, like someone was walking over his grave. It looked like him, like his reflection in water. Even as Edward watched, it changed, shifting to look more like him. It reached towards where Bella clung to him on the couch, but it moved slowly, dream-like.
Edward hated it. He was afraid of it, almost. The echo was a symbol of his absence, of all the pain he had left Bella when he ran from her. He turned Bella into his chest, clinging to her warmth and the sound of her heartbeat.
She was here, now. She was alive, and she loved him.
"Make it go away, Bella. Make it leave."
Bella clutched at him a little harder as she mumbled a word and his echo faded away, leaving only Adeline and Fiore. They came to sit on either side of the tangle of Edward and Bella that had formed on the couch.
When Edward looked into Fiore's eyes across from him, he didn't expect to see the gentle compassion there. The echo held out a glowing hand, hovering over the brand on Bella's shoulder. When Fiore withdrew his hand, he placed it over his heart with a somber expression. Adeline had begun stroking Bella's hair, her fingertips centimeters from Bella's face but not touching. When Edward shifted to face her, green eyes were meeting his fiercely, challenging him to do better.
Bella lifted her head from where she had hidden herself in his tight embrace.
"It's past time, Edward. You and your family are so curious; you care so much. You'll know everything about me soon. Can you love me anyway? Can you love me for who I am and all I've done? For all I will do? Leave me a piece of you. Just a small piece, so that I can make an echo. Please. Just in case."
Just Give Me A Reason (feat. Nate Ruess)
Looking down at Bella's begging face, Edward suddenly had a surreal clarity hit him. Bella had laid herself bare before him as surely as if she had dropped her clothes. He had to tear his eyes from hers or he would burn alive with his need to claim her, to make her his forever and for always. He forced himself to look at the echoes of Adeline and Fiore, at the glowing testament of how deeply his Bella loved those she considered precious. She held these ghosts so very close.
She hadn't called them since the night of Prom.
Edward held a special place in his heart for his memories of dancing under the gazebo with Bella, her slight weight balanced on the tops of his feet and her body aligned with his. Something had clicked into place between them that night. Bella had felt it too. And so, being Bella, she had said her goodbyes to the only expression of her grief she had allowed herself to harbor. She had packed away all the richness of her life here in Havana and chosen him.
And then he left. He had spoken blasphemy and left her alone with nothing to even remember him by. But, being Bella, she hadn't hated him. Instead, she had built herself a single keepsake out of all her memories of him and locked it away with her heart. And when he had faltered, again, in his faith in their love, he had run to Volterra to be free of the very pain that Bella held so close- and Bella, being Bella, had come to Volterra, walked straight up to Aro and all but demanded to be let free with him by her side.
All the times he had failed her, all the times he had faltered, and somehow Bella was ashamed because she was afraid to lose him, that he would leave her. He had left his own scar on her heart. Bella was still making contingency plans for if he left. Some part of her still believed the lie.
"You're no good for me, Bella. I don't want you to come." As if there was any good in him outside of the man Bella thought him to be. As if there would ever be anywhere he wanted to be without her.
All his soul belonged to Isabella Swan. He had known it the moment he heard her mumble his name in her sleep, the moment he felt her embrace in Volterra's sunlight. She was all the heaven he needed. Edward loved Isabella Swan, and it was redemption and damnation all in one.
Edward set Bella down firmly beside him on the couch so he could sink to his knees in front of his love. Bella hid from him, picking at the threads of the furniture until he reached to tilt her head up gently, meeting beloved brown eyes. He held her gaze until he could almost see the shimmering gold behind her iris, wanting her to hear him. He looked at her until it hurt, like it was the last time he might get the chance. Then, he covered her hands with his, pressing the mirror shard into her palm.
Edward braced himself to face her pain when he shook his head, not breaking his focus on her for a moment.
"No. I will have all of you, Bella- with all of me. You want my soul? It's yours. But you will not turn me into a shadow of all that we are together. I will not be jealous of an illusion, nor be separated from you while a memory takes my place. You don't have to be afraid of us being separated. I will follow you to heaven or hell, wherever you are destined." He gripped the back of Bella's neck as he released the mirror shard into her care, tangling his fingers in her hair and tilting her forehead to meet his own. "You said you could do anything for me, Bella. Do this for me: Believe that we will find our way to each other. Believe that we will get our happy ending. Believe that there is an after for us, one where we are together. Keep believing it. No matter what."
Bella shuddered. Her eyes flooded golden; sparks sizzled along his fingers where he touched her. Outside, lightning cracked through the sunny sky, making the world flash and boom. Edward didn't falter, just held Bella's gaze.
The mirror shard clinked as it landed on the stone floor.
Her hands shimmered with heat when she pulled him in for a bruising kiss. Edward embraced her eagerly, his hands coming around to her bare back and pressing her closer, always closer. He pulled her to rest on top of him on the rug, aligned from their foreheads to where her bare feet brushed his calves.
Rain began to pour outside the cavern as Bella pulled away to breathe.
"Okay, Edward. I can do that."
Edward grinned, brushing their noses together affectionately before kissing her again. He didn't even notice the soft smiles that Adeline and Fiore wore as they faded away.