Playlist:
Gasoline – Halsey
Battlefield – Jordin Sparks feat. The Jonas Brothers
'Till I Collapse – Eminem, Nate Dogg
I Think I'm OKAY – Machine Gun Kelly
Cry Pretty – Carrie Underwood
Breaking the Habit – Linkin Park
Scars – Boy Epic
True Colors – Zedd, Kesha
Clarity – Zeid, Foxes
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words. Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight series, and the songs belong to their respective people.
Gasoline
Edward was lounging on the couch while Bella muttered at her reports, occasionally sending bolts of golden light flying out the window through the dark rain to deliver messages.
"What are you working on?"
"Just a few civil disputes I'm hunting through. Lizzie takes care of most of this stuff, but I'm doing some investigative work and had her forward these to me. If you want to take off, I'll catch up with you later."
"I'm not leaving you."
She turned to smile indulgently at his vehemence. "I really am fine, Edward; it's just a little case of the shakes. It's not like there is an imminent threat right now. Well, except for the usual ones. You're really just gonna sit there and stare at me?"
"That's the plan. Until the effects of withdrawal from the deadliest magickal drug in existence wear off, I'm glued to you. I might never let you out of my sight again; I miss getting to be by your side all the time. If I get bored, I'll read." He picked up one of the books near him.
"Uh, Edward, I don't think you would find that book particularly compelling. Unless you've decided to reconsider my offer from the music room."
He knew exactly the offer Bella was referring to, failing to block out the intense memory of her seductive damnation as she tempted him with her blood. He looked down at the book he was waving around. Effects of Blood Sacrifice. Edward set the book down too-quickly, attempting to hide his predatory curiosity. "It's definitely bound to be more compelling than high school homework. The title certainly grabs a person's attention. Why do you even have that?"
Bella's responsive smile was sharp. "Know your options."
Edward was trying to absorb that comment when Alice bounced into the office, followed shortly by Jasper.
"Alice! We've talked about this." Bella whined.
Edward's sister dutifully walked back to the door and knocked three times. Then she was flashing to Bella, excitedly embracing her and bouncing on her tiptoes.
"Bella. Guess what!? I had a vision today, an itty-bitty teeny fragment of one. My trainer nearly burst from excitement; he says I'm a natural!"
"Of course you're a natural, Alice. You're always amazing. What did you see?"
"Some Fae in ancient clothes were gathering at the river; the one by that old church you took us to. In the vision, the church was still new. They were there to baptize someone; I couldn't see who it was—the vision ended before they came up for air. The Seers say it's rare for someone to see the past so soon, so I told them about my vision of Shannara. I hope you don't mind. They're excited, they say I could be a Scribe."
"Wow, that's awesome. Tell the Seers' council whatever you want, I trust in their discretion. Some of them probably know things even I don't want to know about this war. Most initiates haven't even mastered meditation to the satisfaction of the council yet, I'm amazed the Seers are already allowing you to pursue intentional visions at all. You should try to replay the vision, maybe you can catch a glimpse of the person in the water. Be careful though—the past can affect the future in unexpected ways, and visions aren't always what they seem."
"I know, I know. 'Don't rush the vision; don't jump to conclusions.' You sound just like my trainer!"
Jasper settled on the short couch by Bella's bookshelf, and Bella shot him a shy grin as Alice bounced over to sit in his lap. Jasper's answering quirk of lips was more affectionate than Edward expected. A hulking shadow fell across them, and Edward looked up to see Emmett punching the air in the doorway. "Babe, you should've seen me. I was like wham! He just crumpled. I've been trying to get the better of that guy for at least a week."
"Awesome job, hot stuff. Hey Bella." Rosalie followed Emmett through the door, carrying a complicated-looking wooden device in one hand.
Bella squinted in her growing confusion. "Uh, hi Rosalie. Welcome to my office. You know, seeing as how you've never been in here for longer than like one second before."
"Yeah, well. Jasper said you were working through some stuff, and that they were gonna hang out here. I can deal, the company is worth it." Bella blinked at the almost-compliment, completely nonplussed at Rosalie being so consistently nice to her. She scrambled to move out of Rosalie's way as she and Emmett kept walking past her, headed for the couch.
"Uh, cool then, I guess. Is that a Romanian puzzle box?"
"Yeah, I found it in the bazaar. It's not a car engine, but it's pretty cool."
"That's an advanced one. We'll make a spell-writer of you yet, Rosalie. You could design a helluva cast inspired by a puzzle like that."
Bella hovered as his siblings jockeyed for a spot on the couch. Alice gave up her spot, sprawling on the floor and leaning gracefully against Jasper's legs. Rosalie swung her feet up and tucked her toes under Jasper's leg so she could cuddle against Emmett, making Jasper roll his eyes.
"So, I'll just do my work with you guys here?" The words were a question.
Bella was clearly unsure of what was going on and how to proceed. Edward hid his touched smile. God, he loved his family. Jasper had raised the alarm, letting his family know that Bella was struggling and could use company.
Rosalie raised a manicured eyebrow, looking at Bella like she was the dumbest person on the planet. "Yeah. That's how it works."
Bella's gaze lingered on Rosalie like she was the puzzle worth solving. She took a cautious step back towards the desk and knocked into the stack of unopened reports, scattering the small containers that held them onto the floor. Edward flashed to catch her and set her on her feet. When he turned to pick the boxes up, Carlisle was already putting them back on the desk. Esme had her hands full with a plate of cookies and a small loom, but Carlisle only carried a book he had borrowed from Bella's collection and a small footstool, so he had a hand free.
Esme grinned at Bella, already taking the stool from her husband and setting up the loom on the low table between the armchair and the couch. "I hope you don't mind the equipment, Bella. I was so fascinated by the way our outfits have been manifesting, and Lizzie volunteered to help me learn the theory behind how it's done. Apparently, knowledge of weaving is a pre-requisite, and I'm a bit rusty."
Esme flapped a hand at Carlisle dismissively when he tried to give her the armchair, pointedly settling on the small stool. "Ta-da!" she exclaimed quietly, motioning to emphasize the comfortable reach the seat provided her. His father struck out with his book playfully in reprimand, but he took the chair.
"It's not the equipment." Bella looked adorable, trying to hide her amused smile at his parents' antics with one hand while innocent puzzlement widened her eyes. "It's just...um, what are you two doing in my office?"
"Oh, well Jasper said..."
"Please, do tell me what dear Jasper said." Bella slid from pleased confusion to petulant annoyance quickly, shooting a vitriolic look at Jasper. Edward's empathic brother raised both eyebrows, and the conversation that followed was rapid-fire.
"Expecting ghostly company?"
"I'm not, and it wouldn't be any of your business if I were."
"Then perhaps you have other plans." Jasper sent a significant glance towards a certain panel on the wall. Edward made a mental note of its location.
Bella gritted her teeth. "I have plans to work. You know there's a war on, right?"
"Are you saying we have to leave?"
"No. I'm not saying that. You have had full security access since your first day in Havana, and I'm through keeping secrets. But you have to know that this is unnecessary. You will prefer it elsewhere. The battle maps are not conducive to a relaxing evening, and I don't procrastinate on active reports. I will happily join you guys in the Attic when I'm finished."
"I thought you were through keeping secrets."
"It's not a secret, it's just not..." Bella threw her hands up. "And you guys say I'm stubborn! I'm fine. I don't need to be babysat! Nosy vampires."
Carlisle interjected. "Jasper is concerned about your health following an incident you had no control over. We are not here to impose or distract you from your work; we are here to share your burdens and your company. Doing so is a pleasure in and of itself, regardless of circumstances. Please accept our support."
"Seeing as someone drugged you with coffee I provided, Bella, I would appreciate the opportunity to help."
Bella held up her hands as his parents protested. "Okay, okay. Jeez, Esme. I can see you're not above the guilt card. This is completely unnecessary."
Esme grinned unapologetically in victory as Bella gave in. When his mom was focused on setting up the loom, Bella shot Edward a worried look that he didn't understand.
"My military work is just a bit...grim."
Battlefield
They settled in, each pursuing their own tasks. The atmosphere in the room was comfortable and quiet as night fell, a multitude of multicolored lights illuminating Camp softly through the window. Bella was humming along with Alice absentmindedly within the hour. Edward had been left without a place to sit and considered stealing Bella's chair so he could hold her in his lap, but she quelled his plans with a warning look. He settled for leaning against the wall by her desk so he could read along over her shoulder without losing his view of her expression.
She was leafing through the last stack of civil reports when her focus sharpened suddenly. She stiffened with adrenaline, crying out in excited triumph. "Yes,that's it! I need to compare this to the battle reports, I knew the boy had to have been too close to the marketplace. That son-of-a-bitch put down his real location so he could get paid. This is only a week ago, and it's from Haven. He filled this out less than an hour before the Core hit the valley." Bella stood, grabbing a velvet bag from the low shelf above her desk, pulling it open in a rush and dumping a pool of black onyx shards onto the desk. "Where is it?" she muttered, shuffling through the battle reports for a second before she found the right stone. "Yes, yes, yes. Lord, please give me this today."
To the right of Bella's desk by the window was a subtle panel hidden in the sandstone, and behind it was an alcove with only a plain black box inside. The panel opened when Bella waved a glowing hand in front of it. Bella snatched the nondescript box up excitedly. The other battle reports usually came in the same type of palm-sized square boxes, but they were brown or white; once, Edward had noticed Kaedra carrying a red one. Edward had never seen the black one before. Bella opened it to show a raw diamond and laid the piece of black onyx into a well on the top of the raw gem. She pulled a pincushion from where it hung nearby and belatedly remembered her audience, sparing them a look of regretful sheepishness.
"Uh, there's gonna be some blood for a second. Not a lot of it, just a drop."
The Cullens gave her their attention curiously, holding their breath collectively. She pricked her finger over the gem, letting a single drop of blood fall over the two stones. The blood sizzled and burned when it made contact, and a tiny flash of blue signaled Bella had healed her finger.
A detailed map appeared over the desk: a three-dimensional overview of the island of Havana, nestled in its pocket world. Marked on the landscape were multiple battle markers, plans for the future overlaid with depictions of the present. Next to the map was a collection of various gemstones in a neat set of lines on the desk.
When Bella pulled at the map, zooming in on the city, echoes flashed against the walls around her desk; they were larger images, big enough that they filled Bella's field of vision. She stood, manipulating a composite glitch of a vicious battle frozen in time. The bird's eye view of the battle still glowed over the desk. Bella didn't even react to the shocked exclamations of her vampires, preoccupied with her rabid search for someone on the battlefield. She snapped sparking fingers distractedly at her side.
"Girls, I require your input."
Suddenly, the number of people in the room doubled. Nhamo and a group of five other women bowed to Bella seriously. Bella didn't bother with introductions, just led the suddenly-there warriors through the intricate maze of the translucent battlefield, noting entry points and potential weaknesses. Vicious violence flashed by Edward in a kaleidoscope. She found an echo of a man on horseback who was in the process of kidnapping a small boy and zoomed in on his face.
"Found you."
Her voice was high-pitched, singsong and threateningly playful. A darkly proud smile ghosted across her face. Bella's voice dropped to a growl that carried the promise of violence.
"Him. This is after the portal guards shut the gates, he's stuck in the city."
There was a flood of activity as Bella marked the map with her warriors, heads bowed and muttering. Bella isolated the information relevant to the mission at hand and cast it into a ruby so that her soldiers would have the information they needed. "Once the boy is recovered, return him to his father and offer our assistance in return for the defensive spells he wrote. I want that defensive cast broken, ladies. I expect the report of your success to be on my desk when I wake up tomorrow. I'm not burying another soldier because of that fucking shield. Should the spell-writer request asylum, grant it. Nikki, you're leading on this one. Babydoll is your second. Nhamo, you're staying here. Don't get caught, ladies. I'll come get you, but I'll be fucking pissed when I get there."
As quickly as the women had appeared, they left, melting away in the general direction of Bella's office door. Edward and his family were ready for whatever came their way and full of terrible awe at the magicks that had engulfed them. Bella barely glanced at them, frantically drawing lines and symbols through the map on her desk with one hand while she tapped at two of the gems next to the map with the other. Two bolts of golden magick zinged past him: a message.
When an echo moved, stepping forward through the wall beside him, Edward attacked it on instinct. The half-transparent form of Bella's commander flinched as Edward's hand tore through where his neck would have been if he were solid.
"Woah! Hello, vampires." Marcos rubbed his throat nervously. "Damn, that reaction time you guys have is insane."
Keadra shimmered into existence next to Alice, wiping her face with a towel and fresh from a workout. "Aw, Esme made cookies? You better save me one! Why are all of the vamps stalking you now?"
Both the regent and the commander were glowing, lined in their aura colors and translucent. Edward could faintly see the dojo behind Kaedra; Marcos was in a back room of his club that held a huge, cluttered desk.
Bella flapped a hand at them excitedly, still not looking up from the map over the desk. The larger scene flashed by him, changing again.
"Not now, guys. I have news. I found the spell-writer's son. I sent my girls after him. Guys, I think we can break through to the marketplace in Haven."
Kaedra's mouth dropped, and Marcos let out a low whistle. Both subconsciously fell into a parade rest as Marcos addressed Bella. "Damn. Impressive work putting all this together."
"That's why they pay me the big bucks."
Marcos ignored Bella's snark. "We're one step closer to shutting down the marketplace for good. I can't believe that slave-mongering beetle was dumb enough to file a civil dispute in the middle of all this. I'll get started putting together an attack plan. We have a lot more offensive options without those damned shields. Do you want to try to bottleneck the beetles at the mountain pass? I've been thinking it could minimize casualties."
Kaedra nodded along with him, examining Bella's hastily drawn plan and adjusting a battalion to cut further north. "I wouldn't say no to the high ground we'd get if we cut around that way. This could work. If we get the spell-writer to cooperate, we can get past the defensive shields and storm the low gate before they even know we've broken through. There are challenges though. What are we going to do about those wretched sirens in the gulf?"
"The sirens are just as dangerous to the beetles as to us. The death toll if anyone is forced onto the water would be massive, but it would be the beetles that would pay the price. If we back the beetles up against the water, we can get the citizens out without having to push forward and deal with the sirens. Do not go into the water under any circumstances. Still, that risk doesn't mean that we can leave Haven under Master's control. The people there have borne too many horrors already. If we have a shot at getting even some of them away from the black beetles, we have to take it."
"Agreed." Marcos and Kaedra snapped their heads down decisively as they answered together.
Kaedra grinned at Bella, looking like a satisfied cat. "Don't sit there waiting for the reports to refresh. If you reorganize the filters one more time, I will make you pay for it in training. Me and Marcos found a bottle of that homemade rum from the coast. We'll meet you in the Attic with it when you're done. We have to celebrate."
Bella glared. "Premature celebration is the only sure path to defeat, Kaedra. I'm not jinxing it. Besides, I don't rush through reports. You'll probably be asleep."
Marcos waved sarcastically as his echo faded away. "Message me when you're done for the night. Don't traumatize the Cullens. Try to remember, it's their first time seeing what a workaholic you are. Be gentle with the virgins, Izzy."
Bella waved her command team away half-heartedly, ignoring them in favor of a new glitch that flashed to fill the space over the desk.
When it became clear that Bella wasn't going to stop to explain the still present birds-eye view of translucent violence, Edward's family started to discuss the possible magicks behind the map quietly. Edward paid little attention. Marcos' playful and crass warning repeated in his head as he observed Bella's suddenly altered state of being. He drowned in the foreboding feeling that things were about to get much worse as he took in the change in his lover.
'Till I Collapse
It was like Bella had switched frequencies. Bella was beginning to work through her military task list: an intricate and seemingly endless process he had seen her do only a few times before, and only when he visited without warning. She always switched to other tasks within a few minutes of his arrival or convinced him to come back later.
This time, he kept watching.
A web of varied reports was displayed in front of her: each connection showed in soft lines that shimmered between the icons hovering in midair. She focused in on a tangled knot of reports hovering between where mountains and ocean met to the northwest of Camp; the deep valley surrounding the city of Haven was lush and green. The landscape shimmered, the echoes offering a more detailed view of the city.
Bella was processing reports of how her battlefield positions had changed since the initial battle, casting them through the room to examine each part of the conflict street by street and soldier by soldier. She used any possible chance to outsmart her enemy, developing strategies that managed to kill less people than they saved against hopeless odds.
She would solve one problem and move on without stopping, her mind always whirring behind multicolored eyes. She never paused for longer than it took her to focus on the glitch for the next conflict or search for the next piece of onyx. She considered all possible outcomes of each battle on multiple scales at once as she moved across the battle lines that curved outward from Camp.
Edward wanted to read her thoughts so badly, the pain was physical; his head ached. The room went silent within the hour, each of his family members discarding their projects in favor of observing Bella's feverish dedication with concern. Bella didn't even notice their focus on her.
She was too busy repeatedly pulling miracles out of thin air. Sometimes, her plans hinged on details that were more implied than certain. There were some plans that relied on unverifiable information from questionable sources; Bella's plans were still the best possible option but fell woefully short of being a safe bet. She agonized over which of Camp's warriors to carry out the missions she was designing; she wasn't willing to send anyone but the most qualified people for the job.
He couldn't read Bella's thoughts, but he could read her face. Bella's thoughts raced across her features. Edward was terrified at how horrifically driven she was to complete her tasks. The scope of what was happening in this miraculous world hit Edward hard, altering who he was. God, how had he lived in ignorance of this?
Edward had somehow thought that Bella's feral protection of Ntombi was the furthest extent of her instinct to protect her people, but he had been wrong. It hit him all at once; the scenes flashed through his head rapidly.
This truth had been hiding in the shadows since the beginning, since the endless days of paperwork that flooded the Attic when Bella first retook her title. It was there in the stacks and stacks of reports Lizzie brought to her office every day. The truth was there in Bella's gentle meddling in Alexandra's love life; it was there in her quick maneuvering in Tomas' dungeon.
Other scenes gathered new meaning that brought the truth into the light. He was hit again with how uncontrollably grief-stricken Bella had been when Forks had burned, how astute Bella was on the battlefield; how quickly Kaedra had been able to pull Bella into that insane situation with Nix. Bella had turned the rules of that place to her advantage so easily. Even her careful dance at the gala was a calculated risk: a controlled explosion that blew up in her face.
These weren't exceptional situations for Bella. They had not survived those situations by chance; they had survived them through practice.
The truth was Bella never stopped; she never ceased in her fight to keep the bloodlines she cared for as safe as she could. Bella's unyielding will to save everyone around her, except herself, infuriated Edward with how relentlessly unfair it was.
Bella dropped her head back to stare at the ceiling, rubbing her nose in frustration and muttering. The air was heavy. Unknown to Bella, each Cullen was reflecting on the horrors playing out in the glitches around them.
Emmett waved his hand through the image of a dying soldier, watching as the echo dissipated into glitter before reforming. Emmett was trying to convince himself that the soldier was a real person: a snapshot of a man in the instant of his death. That man had possessed a life and a family all his own. He had found himself fighting in the same war Emmett found himself fighting in, and now Emmett was watching him die.
Jasper was deeply disturbed, noticing Bella's overwhelming anguish and guilt at each new glitch that coalesced. The cutting emotions were quickly hidden away into her feverish focus; a focus that was powered by a cold fury. Her emotional intensity burned across Jasper's empathic senses.
Alice clutched Jasper's hand tightly, but she was calmer than the rest of them. She ached at all the knowledge weighing her sister down; a weight Alice knew very well from her work with the Seers.
Carlisle and Esme were horrified at the echoes of carnage as the images changed before them, fully aware that each new glitch represented a reflection of a true event. Carlisle was impossibly nauseous, flashing back to his own experiences on the battlefield and mourning that his daughter had not even been spared this pain. His mother slumped, shielding her eyes.
His first and most frustrating sister echoed his own grief, her usual apathy replaced with a desperate worry for Bella.
Bella knows. Rosalie thought. Bella knows these people; she grew up with them. She knows that her decisions touch everything, that no one is safe from the horrors of war. She's lived through those horrors for herself; she knows them intimately. She knows the price of the greater good and she grieves it every day. How can she stand it? How can she grieve their deaths while still sending them to risk their lives? I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs.
Bella made a distracted spinning motion with her hand, resetting the map. There was a light chime that Edward instantly hated, and three new things were added to her task list. The line of varied gems that served to filter the incoming information lit up with two reports and one distress call, marked non-urgent.
Three updates later, his mother was the one to finally escape his family's slow-motion horror enough to intervene.
Bella had started on a knot on the other extreme of the battlefields, the side of Havana that bordered the empty desert. Her most likely chance of extracting a battalion trapped behind enemy lines involved replaying an echo of a dead voice: a man who was detailing how he had escaped his cell. She played the audio on a loop, trying to adjust her half-finished model of the enemy fortress.
When Rose put her hands over her ears to block out the man's shell-shocked voice, Esme forced herself to move. She flashed to Bella's side, swiping through the glowing icon for the audio viciously. The sudden silence was enough to break the rest of them free from their motionlessness.
"That's enough. I can't watch this anymore. It's nearly midnight for God's sake." His mother reached out and took hold of Bella's forearm, shaking her. "I said that's enough, Bella. It's time to rest now."
Bella blinked twice, coming back down to a frequency Edward recognized. She looked around the room as though suddenly remembering they were there, a blush rising on her face as she dissolved the rest of the glitches.
"Shit. I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to zone out on you. Marcos won't stay in the room when I work on the battle maps, he says I'm scary. Did you just say it's midnight? I have to be up early tomorrow; the girls should have a preliminary report on how to tear down that shield by then."
Bella began packing up her stuff, casually putting the black box back in its cubby. She shot a message out the window to Marcos.
"You guys weren't gawking the whole time, were you? I hope I didn't freak you out."
Edward's hands shook as he reached to pull Bella into an embrace. He needed the reassurance of her skin briefly warming his. He forced his voice to come out steadily. "Let's go home now, Bella. I've decided I hate this room."
"Seconded." Jasper's voice was a shivery imitation of his usual snark.
Emmett ignored his family's feeble attempt at normalcy and pulled Bella off her feet as Edward released her; Bella yelped indignantly.
"Emmy-bear, put me down! What's wrongwith you?"
"You honestly don't know why we're acting weird, do you? You just spent all night fighting a war with your mind. It was super terrifying by the way. We are officially freaked out. I will not put you down. I am going to carry you to the Attic; you're gonna shut up and deal with it or I will wrap you in bubble wrap when we get there. That is what you call 'doing paperwork'? Jesus Christ, Bella. That was insane."
Edward couldn't help but agree. Bella's cluelessness about why they were upset spoke to the truth: this was everyday behavior for Bella. It was still sinking in; he was furious at himself for being in the dark about what Bella's work was like when he wasn't looking.
"Every day, Edward; this is what my people face every day. Every day that I spend in your company, this is the cost. I know it, Edward. I've always known it. Do you think I have always wanted to love you?"
Edward had to stop at the top of the grand stairs to the Attic door, bending over to hold back the sickening self-disgust roiling in his gut. While he had been blissfully oblivious, Bella had been fighting a war to keep him safe.
Carlisle put a comforting hand on his shoulder, waving Emmett to continue on with the playfully-protesting Bella. "Don't, son. You can't do better until you know better. At least we can provide a safe place for her, a place away from all this evil. It will get better, Edward. You will learn to help her carry it."
"It doesn't end, Carlisle. It doesn't get better, not for a second. Bella doesn't deserve this - I can't stop it. I just want to make it stop."
"You can't stop it, Edward - not alone. But you are not alone, son. Just help her carry it a little farther; just give her all the love you can. Love her the best way you know how. It will be enough."
Edward caught his breath, leaning on Carlisle's strength for only a moment longer. He could do nothing else, it seemed. He could only hold Bella to himself as tightly as he could and pray that she wasn't taken from him by the war that the Master raged against her. He raised his head, channeling Bella's stubbornness. He squeezed his father's shoulder in thanks before they went through the door to the Attic.
There was still the night to face.
I Think I'm OKAY (with YUNGBLUD & Travis Barker)
When Edward got to the threshold of the Attic, he was surprised by the sound of Marcos whispering to Bella just inside the door. "Just ask him, okay? If you think it will help. You know I've got your back. I know Glow better than I want to; I'm not even carrying anything that could interact badly."
"Ask me what?" Edward interrupted. Marcos stepped away, accompanying Carlisle up the stairs to the kitchen and distracting Esme by starting to pop the pan of popcorn in her hands before she could reach the stove. His mom swatted at the commander playfully. Kaedra whispered teasingly to Alice and Emmett, who laughed boisterously in response. Bella bit her lip before she answered him.
"I just...I don't think I can sleep, tonight. I know I haven't slept in a couple of days, but I'm not ready to face my nightmares, especially with Glow still in my system. And, well, getting drunk with my friends sounds really awesome right now. Can we just, I dunno, sit around here and hang out? Maybe play a game while I get cuddly from too much wine? Marcos even has some things in his bag that he's hopeful will help manage withdrawal symptoms. I don't want to make you uncomfortable; I know you don't like drinking."
Edward was surprised at how wonderful that sounded to him as he led her up the stairs. He didn't even mind Bella having a few drinks and getting high, if it meant she could finally catch a break.
"Bella, I don't like hanging out with kids like Mike and Tyler and Jessica when they drink. You are hardly comparable. That sounds good to me too."
Marcos held up his hands in a timeout motion at the table next to them. "Okay, I try to drown out the sugarspeak as much as I can, but I thought you weren't on board with the whole young, wild and free campaign."
"I guess I just don't care as much as I thought I did. If it helps Bella relax, I'm okay with it. I trust her to know what she's doing."
The rest of his family thought about it, but in the end even Carlisle shrugged as he and Esme settled in the living room. "I was around when wine was usually safer than water and cannabis was some of the only medicine available. I prescribed pharmaceuticals often when I worked in the mortal world. I certainly have no problem with it, within reason."
Marcos grinned as he held his hand over the tabletop expectantly. Kaedra cursed, handing him a small sack of coins. Bella tutted at Kaedra, shaming her for losing another bet to the commander. The regent stuck out her tongue. "What? They're from the mortal realm. Mortals are always upset about weird stuff these days. That one was a puritan." She jabbed a finger at Carlisle. "I loathed the puritans. I didn't know he was interesting before I bet on it. Marcos, since you're taking all my coins, I want something for free. What do you got?" Marcos opened a jug of wine, setting it on the table so he could grab his nearby shoulder bag.
"Yeah, yeah. I got you some of those purple glitterbombs you like."
Bella turned up her nose as she grabbed a piece of the popcorn Esme had set on the table. "Thanks, Esme. Honestly Kay, I don't know why you like those so much. They're so...saccharine."
"Hey, you heard your lover over there. If I wanna float on sweet clouds of pink cotton candy tonight, that is my decision."
Bella settled herself against the corner where the table met the wall of the kitchen, leaning forward on the bench so Edward could get between her and the wall. She sat half in his lap and settled to lean against him. "No way. I'm keeping it mellow tonight. The mission of the evening is to avoid ending upin mortal danger. Read my lips, Kay. W. I know! Marcos, do you have those buttercups that we took over Christmas in there?"
"Reading my mind, as always. I have three left. Buttercups or glitterbombs, Kay? I wouldn't mix, that sounds like the hangover from hell."
"I'm okay with a buttercup level of fucked up-ness, but I reserve the right to glitterbomb later on, regardless of hangover potential."
"Done."
Small yellow pills were distributed between them, and Kaedra filled the human's glasses. There was a knock at the door to the Attic. "Come on up!" Marcos called out. A steward appeared with goblets that smelled of sweet dragon's blood. Edward was strangely touched by the commander's gesture.
"Who knows a game we can play?" Edward asked the room as he took a goblet from the tray, feeling a release somewhere near his heart when Bella smiled at him beautifully.
Kaedra's eyes gleamed wickedly as she produced the bottle of rum and three shot glasses. "Let's play 'Would you rather?'. Vampires must complete a dare if they pass, humans have to drink."
"Done." Emmett barely even let her finish her sentence.
Bella's laughter was clear and frequent during the game, and Edward floated on clouds without any help from a purple glitterbomb.
Cry Pretty
After Rosalie had learned more than she had ever needed to know about Kaedra's lack of propriety and watched Emmett attempt to catch a ball of water that floated above him using only his teeth, she excused herself from the sudden death round. She noticed Bella slipping away in the direction of the balcony and followed her.
She watched as Bella stretched, bracing her weight against her arms and looking over the railing at Camp. She shimmered into ratty shorts and a tank top, gauze winding down her arms. Rose considered just sneaking into the shadows and observing, suddenly painfully sympathetic towards Edward's proclivity for stalking Bella. Instead, she cleared her throat as she approached.
"So, should I be expecting the boy that beetle was kidnapping in my group of kids tomorrow? It'd be nice to prepare for a new arrival in advance for once."
Rosalie's little daycare had become increasingly popular in Camp over the last couple of weeks; she had about ten children in her care daily now. New ones popped up every day as her kids started bringing their friends to her presentations. The presenter for the fire-casting show had promised to come back to teach the kids how to create sparks, and there were at least twenty kids already signed up.
Bella leaned back, resting her elbows on the railing and kicking at a bit of dirt with her toes. "Nah, it should take at least a few weeks for him to be well enough to attend a show, and that's if his father is smart enough to request asylum." She turned and looked at Rose, managing to give a genuine smile. "Don't think I haven't noticed, Rosalie. I don't know how to thank you. I saw that you're looking for more presenters to teach the kids basic magicks. It's a wonderful idea. I think every kid in Camp has been to one of your shows. You're incredibly gifted with them."
"Thank you. I love it. Some of them have been through a lot, they're good for each other." Rosalie drew equal to Bella, watching the throne platform rotate into view and resting her forearms on the railing. She crossed her fingers together, wondering how long it would take for Bella to shift her eyes to the platform. The three thrones gleamed in the moonlight.
Rosalie had noticed small quirks when it came to Bella. Little habits that showed how Bella was coping, small and barely noticeable concessions to her trauma. Often, the quirks hid in the things that weren't there, like the fact that Bella never set foot in any of the Attic's bedrooms except her old one. Rose thought of all that had happened to Bella that day; and the day before that, and the day before that. She thought of all the little habits that had been becoming more and more frequent since they had arrived in Havana. It wasn't doing Bella any good to ignore the way she was feeling. She wanted to help.
"You know, Ntombi fell the other day during a three-legged race. The kids have really latched on to the game. It was the first time I had seen her cry. It was such a little thing, a skinned knee, but she was bawling and screaming. It didn't take much to realize she was crying over more than her knee. I didn't know what to do, how to help her. Then, Lily came over and casually put her little hands on Ntombi's face. She gave Ntombi a hug and just stood there, kissing Ntombi's forehead and stroking her hair. She kept saying 'It's okay, it's okay- you go ahead, you cry. It's okay, it gets better.' Lily's six this year. Ntombi cried for maybe another minute, and when she stopped it was because Lily made her giggle. Next thing I knew, the two of them were chasing Nicolai around with a lizard."
Rosalie took the leap, reaching over and tangling her hand with Bella's without moving her focus from in front of her.
"It's funny, how complicated we make things as we get older."
Bella didn't respond except to grip her hand gently; she didn't look up from her contemplation of the sandstone balcony floor. Rose finally turned her head to take in the shadows growing under Bella's downcast eyes, the way her pupils were blown too big from the chemicals in her system. Bella had a slight tremor in her fingers where Rose held them.
Rosalie didn't show her heart to people, always kept her feelings close to her chest. But as she considered the girl she was starting to think of as family more carefully, she saw a great deal of herself reflected at her. She wondered how often Bella walked on this knife's edge: only a slight push away from a breakdown and holding it together with nothing more than avoidance and force of will. She gentled her voice.
"Vampires can't cry. It really bothered me when I was turned. Sometimes, I just wanted to cry, to feel the release of throwing a tantrum. It seemed unnecessarily cruel, the fact that I couldn't even cry over all that had been taken from me. It took me a long time to realize that I didn't want to cry as much as I wanted someone to hold me close and tell me it was gonna be okay."
Bella's voice was hollow and hoarse, like it had been torn by screaming. "It's an awful idea for me to throw a tantrum, Rose. Besides, you can't know that. It might not be okay."
Rosalie kept her voice light and soothing, as gentle as she could as the words fell from her lips. "I believe it will be. And it helps to hear it, even if it might be a lie."
When Bella finally looked up from the ground, Rose expectantly followed her gaze. Bella's eyes immediately locked on the throne platform, as always. Rosalie moved her focus back to that unreachable waterfall. She let the silence grow between them for a moment, swallowing her nervousness so that her voice came out matter-of-fact. She was careful to look anywhere but towards Bella; there was no pressure here.
"I've never seen you cry, Bella."
Bella's eyes were wide, but dry, when she finally turned to take in Rosalie's profile. She shrugged, trying not to show how much Rosalie's invitation meant to her. "I'm the Queen of the Fae. Very few people have seen me cry, and most of them have lived to regret it."
Rosalie remembered those dark days after she was turned; she remembered the need to break down in tears and how it had always remained, like a splinter under her stone skin. "I'll close my eyes, then, so it doesn't count."
She didn't look at Bella as she pulled her over to a nearby chair and closed her eyes. Bella gave in all at once, wetness streaming down her face as the dam on her grief broke. Bella couldn't swipe away the tears fast enough. Rose stopped her when she tried to cover her face.
From inside, Alice laughed, unaware of their soft conversation.
"It's okay, Bella." Rose pulled Bella into her lap, pushing Bella's head to rest in the crook of her neck with a guiding hand.
Bella made no sound except the occasional hiccup, keeping her face hidden as gasping breaths escaped her. It only lasted two or three minutes before Bella's breaths began to slow and soften. She twined her arms around Rosalie's middle when her tears ran dry, sagging in unseen exhaustion.
Rosalie stroked Bella's hair, blindly staring at the unlit fire pit and murmuring reassuringly. Bella's vice-like grip finally eased, peace falling as gasping breaths faded into sleepy murmurs. "It's gonna be okay, Bella. You go ahead and cry. It'll be okay."
Breaking the Habit
Inside the Attic, the sudden death round ended and Kaedra was declared the winner. Alice clapped her on the back good-naturedly as she said goodbye to the Cullens.
"I was not expecting that game to get so competitive. Talk about things I didn't want to know about my siblings."
The regent laughed in response to Alice's comment, barely tipsy as she headed down the stairs. "Whatever you say, Seer. I bet Jasper is still boggling that you'd rather have sex in the middle of Times Square than inside a pool of warm oatmeal. One of you better go rescue the bitchy sister from carrying Bella to bed on her own, or you'll never hear the end of it."
Edward immediately flashed to take Rosalie's sleeping burden from her, shooting his first sister a grateful look. He was settling her limp form against the pillows when he noticed Marcos. Bella's ex-boyfriend was shaking out a blanket as Esme set a pillow down; he was standing at the head of the couch opposite the futon. Maybe three feet of space lay between the couch and the edge of the futon closest to Bella.
"What are you doing?"
"Going to sleep. You didn't think I was going to go home while Izzy was in withdrawal, did you?" Marcos yawned obnoxiously.
"You're not sleeping here."
"Uh yeah, actually, I am. This is Bella's house, not yours. Besides, I know a hell of a lot more about what to expect tonight than you do. I'm telling you now- if you try to get me to leave, you'll face a fight. It's bound to wake her up, and she'll take my side on this."
"You can sleep in Bella's old room then."
"No. I need eyes on her. For a telepath, you're completely clueless about the level of risk, here." A wicked, teasing smile flashed across Marcos' face. "Would you relax? It's not the first time I've slept next to Izz."
Edward let a low growl rumble out of his chest as he pulled the blanket up a little more forcefully than he needed to, making Marcos go serious again. The commander held up a quelling hand, as apologetic as he could manage. "Look, Edward, I promise not to interfere with your nightly cuddle-fest or whatever. I won't even get close to her unless it becomes necessary. But one way or another, I will not leave Izzy unsupervised while she's this vulnerable. Even disregarding my conscience, Kaedra would eviscerate me."
Edward grumbled mentally, but he could respect that.
"Ugh - Fine. But don't you dare wake her up. Remember what I said in Miami—touch her again and your life is forfeit."
"Believe me, I remember. My face still hurts when I think about it too hard."
"Good."
Edward settled next to Bella on his side, placing his hand on her waist as she sleepily shifted to get comfortable. She turned into his embrace, facing his chest with one hand on his arm to hold him there. Edward tried not to be too smug when Bella mumbled his name.
Later, in the earliest hours of the morning when the moon was just starting to set, Edward was doing his best to drown out Marcos' nearby snoring. He was just starting to consider whether he should grab Rosalie's abandoned puzzle box from the nearby table.
They had left the balcony doors open, letting in the warm night air that had since gotten much cooler. When Bella shivered, Edward thought she was just cold. He was mindful of his lower temperature and put some space between them, tucking the blankets closer.
Bella shifted to lay flat on her back, but she kept her hand on Edward's arm where it stretched across her hips. Edward stayed put, relishing the slide of her touch down his arm and taking a moment to appreciate her beauty in the moonlight. Light was streaming in through the fluttering curtains on the balcony, and it illuminated Bella's face in pale lines and too-red lips. In that second that he lingered on her features, everything changed.
Bella had continued to shake, a fine and barely noticeable tremor that was growing into full shudders by the second. Her eyes fluttered, showing glimpses of a blue glow. From far away, Edward heard the caw of a Shade.
She convulsed in pain without warning. Her neon eyes forcibly snapped open; her hand against Edward's bicep suddenly went tight and desperate. All thoughts of jealousy abandoned Edward immediately as he cried out to the commander.
"Marcos! Something is wrong with—Bella!"
As quickly as Bella had woken, she was pulled back into limp unconsciousness. Only Edward's quick correction prevented her from slamming her head on the headboard as she fell back against the mattress.
"Shit!" Marcos jerked awake with a curse, scrambling towards them. He pushed Edward out of the way in a panic. Edward growled instinctively when Marcos crowded into Bella's space. The commander ignored him, throwing himself over top of Bella and sitting on her legs. Marcos braced Bella against the futon with all his strength just in time.
"She's seizing!"
Bella was thrashing, writhing against the bed uncontrollably as her nerves spasmed, sending signals that made her muscles tighten and release. Marcos' hands glowed with green and blue healing magicks as he restrained her, pushing her down so that she wouldn't throw herself to the floor.
"Edward! My bag; it's on the kitchen table. Get the syringe with the red cap from the front pocket. Do it now. Move!" The horrified shock that held Edward in its thrall broke, and he flashed to bring Marcos what he needed.
His family was rushing into the main room. Carlisle brought the bag closer to the futon as Edward hurriedly thrust the syringe at Marcos. Edward took over holding Bella's arms, keeping her from scratching herself by trapping them above her head.
"Hush now, Bella. It's okay, you're gonna be fine. We can fix it, it's okay."
Marcos ripped the cap off the injection with his teeth, spitting it over his shoulder as he barked orders at Carlisle.
"Get the syringes with a blue tab. They're numbered, give them to her in order- they'll stop the convulsions. A muscle injection is fine, don't waste time looking for a vein. At the bottom of the main compartment is a false bottom, pull it out and grab the vial of Glow and the thing that looks like a piercing gun. The vial snaps into a clip at the back of it. Load it, but don't give it to her yet. Things are about to happen fast, brace yourselves. She can be violent when she comes to. Edward, hold her very still. She's about to go boneless."
He turned Bella's head firmly and tapped at her jugular, shooting Edward a look. Edward gathered Bella's wrists in one hand, reaching out to hold her neck in place with the other. Her body bucked and shuddered.
Edward couldn't look at the needle as it punctured Bella's neck.
Scars
Bella didn't register the panic around her in the Attic. She was far away, lost inside herself. Bella's aura - that part of her that existed independent of skin and bone - coalesced into the shape of her physical body against her shattered mindscape. She blinked golden eyes slowly.
She tried to remember how long she had been numbly wandering the endless darkness around her. She stopped walking for a moment, trying to remember something important...something worth dying for. She couldn't recall what it was. She was suddenly aware of the presence of light.
Was that always there?
The light made her aware of the lax chains that trailed from her limbs to somewhere out of the path of illumination. A malevolent whisper echoed around her.
...Mine...
The ever-present drumbeat began to speed up as she changed direction. She wanted to be closer to the light. Her new path made the darkness angry, and the whisper got louder.
...Mine!...
As she got closer to the source of the light, it illuminated her surroundings. She felt shadows of a faraway horror, but the sensation was more that she should be horrified instead of an actual feeling. She was walking along an archway filled with dead foliage, looking out at the shattered Arena and the smoldering ruins of her home. She tried to feel something, some emotion in response to this new knowledge of where she was, but she could only summon up a numb apathy.
A shadow fell over her. Something was blocking the light.
She looked up, shielding her eyes from the brightness to see what it was, and the outline of the destroyed throne platform threw her out of her dream-like detachment.
Adeline. Fiore. Edward. I remember, those were their names. They're...
The echoing whisper was gleeful as it finished her thought for her.
...Dead. Dead, they're gone and dead. You killed them...
She stopped walking.
…That's right. That's right, I killed them. I destroyed this place too, a long time ago. I laughed as it burned…
She knelt in the ashes, staring at the blood that dripped from her hands. Why would she have done that? She wished she could feel something. She brushed her bloody fingertips against her cracked lips, touched her hollow stomach. How long had it been since she had felt anything? Happiness; fear or horror; hunger or thirst? Even the passage of time escaped her.
If you can't feel anything, are you still alive?
The whisper laughed at her. ...Not Alive...Mine...
What? She didn't belong to anyone. She was herself. Right? She was confused, puzzling over the problem as she kept walking distractedly, forcing herself not to look at the rotting remains of the skeletons in the street.
Who was she anyway? She looked down at herself for clues and was surprised at the sensation of metal brushing her jaw. When she touched the metal collar around her neck, the chain connected to it pulled taut, glowing a neon blue. It jerked her backwards, away from the light.
…Hey!
She didn't want to go that way. She wanted to get to the light. Wait.
She did?
She did.
She celebrated at the glorious emotion as it radiated through her. She wanted to. The light was beautiful, promising rest and clarity, and she was so tired. She had been wandering for too long.
A voice, velvet and beautiful, begging, came to her from the light.
…Time to wake up. Come on, love; come back to me…
She fought against the pull of the chain as the darkness twisted angrily around her. She gained ground, struggling for every step. She wouldn't give up.
She wanted the light.
True Colors
The stifling quiet of Bella's mindscape would have been a welcome counterpoint to the panicked frenzy in the world she had left behind. As Marcos had promised, Bella went still and limp in an instant. Carlisle administered the last of the numbered injections into her leg and Marcos took a relieved breath, turning his full attention to Bella's face.
Edward gentled his grip as he begged Bella unashamedly. His panic released him as he anticipated the end of this nightmare, but something was still wrong. He could feel it, in his head. "Open your eyes, Bella. Time to wake up. Come on, love; come back to me."
Marcos was just as tense as he muttered over Edward's begging. "It shouldn't be taking this long."
When Bella's eyes finally opened, there was no hint of gold or brown in them. There were only twin pools of black void, each iris outlined in an unnatural neon blue. Marcos released Bella and tackled Edward off the bed in one fluid motion. In the same instant, the mattress caught fire.
Bella was levitating off the bed.
"Fuck. This is way more than withdrawal. Now we've got real problems." Marcos jerked out a hand to help Edward stand, pulling them both towards the kitchen and further away from the flames. "I don't understand! Castle's defenses should have kept the Master out of her head. He's going after her, telepathically. She's going under. This might be it; she might fall."
Edward grabbed the commander's shoulder, his eyes fixed on where Bella's hair was tossing in the sudden wind. The flames below Bella flared higher. She shimmered into her golden dress as he watched; her body was jerking wildly in the air as the wind roared in his ears. He had to yell to be heard. "What do we do?"
The wind was already throwing papers and pillows around the room as the sandstone started to shake beneath their feet.
"We can't do anything for her right now. All we can do is mitigate the damage. We're headed straight for hell, here, so any ideas are welcome. The Master and Bella are fighting for control. There's nothing we can do; the battle is out of our reach. I don't get it; how could he have reached her telepathically?"
Alarms began to sound throughout Camp.
Clarity
An endless stretch of time had passed while she had struggled towards the light. She was crawling now, pulling at the chain with all her might. The slick blood that always coated her hands made her lose her grip on the ashes and dirt beneath her. Her strength was at its limit; she had wanted to give up so many times.
As she struggled nearer the source of the light, the darkness around her had turned misty and gray, fading away quickly. It recoiled from the light like the ocean tide ran from the shore. That malevolent echo of whispering voices, her only companion through the eons, had faded away as the darkness did. She found she didn't mind its absence; if she had been able to feel any emotion, she might have liked it. Even the ever-present drumbeat was fading away, growing softer with every inch as she labored.
...just a bit closer...
The angry darkness spiked towards her suddenly, trying to pull her back with its gravity. It reached for the light, trying to consume it.
...No!
With the last of her strength, Bella reached to curl herself around the starburst of light, shielding it before it could be consumed.
When the blinding light faded, she was in the Attic again. It was whole and lived-in, crowded with her long-dead companions. She swallowed roughly, taking in the panicked faces of those she had loved so long ago that it was another life. She tried to remember who they were, but the information danced just out of reach, eroded away by numbness and forgetting.
There was something about one of the pale ones, the man with the funny hair and strong jaw. His brow crinkled as he looked at her, and the sight of the awe that followed was beautiful.
He was...he was Important. He was hers. Did that make her his? No, it couldn't be. She belonged to the voice. It had told her so. Bella shook her head, trying and failing to shed her confusion.
Where had the light gone?
She had to get to it before it was swallowed up by the darkness. Everything was too loud and too close after eons of wandering in the dark. A loud whine was grating against her hearing, a sound that she wanted to stop. She put her hands over her ears, even as she registered that the sound meant danger, bad. The sound meant the darkness was coming.
No!
This place was too much like that other place, the home she had destroyed. She didn't want the darkness here! She had to protect this place; the light was here. The Important man was here.
She looked towards the sound coming from beyond the balcony, bracing herself as she crept towards it. This place seemed real, but she knew it was just a memory. There was only the darkness now, only the voice. And then, light, suddenly there and so indescribably precious.
The Attic had been rubble for millennia now, destroyed by her own hand.
But when she looked out over the railing of the Attic's balcony, she could see her people streaming towards the Arena for safety. The possessive instinct to protect was not a shadow of feeling, not a should-be emotion; it was all too real. She flinched. When she registered a displacement of air against her neck, she struck out on instinct.
Protect!
The Important man caught her wrist in his hand, looking at her with pretty honey-colored eyes.
"Bella?"
Who was that? Was that her name? She blinked at the man, uncomprehending.
"Bella, it's me. Come back, Bella. Be here with me."
He was crowding her against the railing, but he didn't feel threatening. Being near him was...soothing. She looked at him curiously. Who was this strange man?
A shadow fell over her, so she turned back around, fearing the darkness was near. Three thrones were cast in shadow, close enough that she could fly to the platform that held them.
Bella froze. The throne platform was whole; it was not a shattered slab of marble silhouetted against the light.
Adeline. Fiore.
She turned her confused gaze to look at the man behind her, still holding her wrist in his grip.
...Edward?
The voice roaredat her, the darkness flashing before her eyes.
MINE!
He pulled her closer like he could hear the voice; he…he acted like he wanted to protect her. What a ludicrous idea! No one protected her; she was alone.
She felt herself jerk back, breaking the pale man's weak hold on her; it was like someone else controlled the movement. Her hand bumped against her hip as she regained control of her body, and she felt a shard of smooth glass in the pocket of her dress.
She turned back to that impossibly whole and sacred space that circled only a small way from her, only slightly above the Attic balcony.
The man spoke to her and she replied, but she couldn't focus on him. There was something important, something she had to do. She tried to remember, tracing the outline of the mirror shard in her pocket.
The throne platform called to her like the light had before, promising clarity and rest. Somehow, she remembered the spell from long ago, from before the darkness came. She murmured the words softly just to hear them and lost herself in the euphoric blanket of golden sparks that unexpectedly engulfed her as she spoke, losing her sense of her physical body.
"Remember that you are water.
Remember that you are fire.
Remember that you are air.
Remember that you are earth.
Remember that you are spirit.
So mote it be."
She had not expected it to have any effect. Her casts had never worked inside the darkness. But this time, she had been wrong. There was a crack through the air that echoed around the cavern like thunder. She felt shock race through her.
The throne platform stilled in its orbit before beginning its long descent to the Arena below, and Bella knew what to do. She called on her body to hover in the air, preparing to make the leap.
...yes, that's it. I remember. The magicks will know the truth...