Chapter 2 – The tale of Lord Slutemort
…
"I'll be damned. They really could track him down," Harry remarked in surprise after one the casino managers—apparently his new employee—made a few calls and reported that a man by the name of Remus J. Lupin had been found … and in a highly amusing location, too.
"Told ya' they could!" Harley said proudly.
"Harley, you're a genius!" he praised, kissing her on the cheek.
However, the beaming girl apparently deemed this less than sufficient. The only warning he had was the smoldering look in her eyes before she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back, kissing him about as thoroughly and as enthusiastically as he had ever been kissed.
When she finally pulled free, he was left staring off into space, completely stunned.
"Much better!" she declared, patting him on the cheek and leading the way back out of the casino with a marked sway in her step.
Everyone there stared after the girl in dead silence, making it extremely audible when an apparently sulky Kara quietly muttered, "I helped him find Sirius."
Kara's flame-red blush when they all turned and looked at her said that she definitely did not mean to say that out loud.
"Shouldn't we be going? I think we should be going! … I'm going!" Kara hastily stammered before darting off after Harley.
Those remaining all looked at the still dazed and speechless Harry, Sirius with a smirking, snickering look on his face, Nym with one of amusement, and the manager with one of sheer confusion.
Without another word, Harry, Nym, and Sirius started following after the girls, while the manager shook his head and got back to work.
As Harry looked at the now skipping Harley and the clearly-kicking-herself Kara, though, a fond smile spread across his face.
"You know, I'm not exactly surprised that one of us ended up here," Harry admitted, "but Moony?"
"Actually, I'm not surprised by that at all," Sirius said. "You've only seen the straight-laced, tucks-his-shirt-in, goody-two-shoes Moony. You didn't know him back in school. In those days, two shots of Firewhiskey was enough to turn him into the wildest party animal you've ever seen. Which is probably why he's so careful not to drink anymore." Sirius' grin took on a decidedly evil glint. "And which is exactly why I made sure to spike his Butterbeer before we headed out."
"Of course you did," Nym commented in exasperation, staring up at the sign over the entrance.
Las Vegas Detention Center
"You realize he's going to kick your arse for this, right?" Nym pointed out to Sirius.
"Eh, totally worth it," Sirius replied in an utterly unrepentant grin.
"You have … quite the interesting family, Harry," Kara observed. However, the amused look on her face said this was far from a criticism.
"You think this is something? You should see them when they really get going," Harry told her.
"Guess we're gonna have ta plan some visits with the ol' in-laws, then!" Harley decided.
"Um … yeah," Kara hesitantly agreed, not quite sure how to break it to Harley that they'd probably be getting an annulment before all was said and done today.
In the meantime, though, they had a family member to spring from jail.
… legally, she hoped.
"Feels weird ta be walkin' in here with my hands free," Harley commented as they stepped inside and Harry started speaking to the officer at the front desk.
"Please don't remind me, Harley. I'm having a hard enough time with the fact that I'm just hanging out with–," Kara paused and looked around furtively, "–with Harley Quinn!" she finished in a whisper.
"Didn't stop ya' last night," Harley pointed out with a frown. "You said ya' liked that I was a 'bad girl'," she reminded her, wiggling her eyebrows.
"… You know, I'm starting to think alcohol had nothing to do with my memory loss," Kara mused as she watched Harry hand the desk officer enough cash to pay off an astonishingly high bail. "I think I probably just repressed it all out of shame."
Harley sighed. "All my hard work gettin' ya' ta loosen up, right down the drain," she pouted.
Just then, however, another officer arrived leading a wan, shaky-looking homeless man with matted brown hair and wearing the sad, tattered remnants of what might have once been a suit.
If you squinted.
"Wow, Remus. You look almost like your monthly little problem had an unexpected flare-up last night," Sirius snickered at the apparently-not-homeless man.
The man simply glared at Sirius with bloodshot eyes as the officer undid his handcuffs.
"Remember, you have a court date on the 18th," the officer reminded Remus.
The now unshackled werewolf simply continued glaring at Sirius.
"Maybe you should have paid extra to have them leave the cuffs on," Sirius whispered to Harry.
Remus stared silently at Sirius, making the man increasingly and visibly nervous. Then, without a word, Remus turned and headed outside.
In various degrees of eager anticipation or growing dread, the eclectic family followed suit.
Once outside, Sirius looked like he was going to say something, but Remus cut him off with a raised finger. Turning to Harry, he held out his hand expectantly.
"Am I seriously the only one who bothered to prepare for our trip?" Harry demanded as he rummaged in his pouch for another hangover cure.
"Ahem!" Sirius interrupted indignantly, gesturing at himself.
"Oh, you so don't count. I'm the one that gave you that bottle in the first place," Harry countered.
"I wasn't exactly expecting to be drunk," Remus croaked in defense, glaring once again at Sirius as Harry tossed him a bottle.
Kicking back the contents, and like the others, expelling smoke from his mouth and ears, Remus' skin tone recovered and his eyes cleared.
This did not, in fact, lessen the impact of his glare, as Sirius discovered.
"Now, Remus, let's not be hasty," Sirius said, nervously backing away from the steadily approaching werewolf. "Come on, let's use our words like civilized folks, buddy."
"Don't listen to him, Remus! Kick his butt!" Harry happily egged him on.
"Harry, you traitor!" Sirius yelped, still backing away from Remus.
"Three shots," Remus finally said.
"Three … wait, what?" Sirius asked in utter confusion.
"Three shots," Remus repeated, still glaring murderously at Sirius. "That's what you gave me, isn't it? I remember seeing the shot glasses."
"… Yes," Sirius hesitantly admitted.
"Then it seems only fair that I get to give you three shots of my own," Remus continued, his glare darkening. "Any. Where. I. Like."
"It does seem fair," Nym commented, grinning in a remarkably unsubtle display of schadenfreude.
"Oh, without a doubt," Harry agreed wholeheartedly, his grin matching hers perfectly.
"Or I could just kick your arse wholesale right now," Remus suggested as Sirius hesitated.
"Oh, for– … fine! Three free shots," Sirius finally relented. "Just not in the face!" he quickly amended, covering his head with his arms. "That's the moneymaker for me!"
"You mean you're broke? Why didn't you tell me?" Harry asked him with a laugh.
"Hilarious, kid," Sirius muttered, though whatever else he was about to say was cut off with a gulp as Remus stepped forward.
They all waited with bated breath to see where Remus would land the first punch. Sirius, meanwhile, kept his eyes clenched shut and his arms wrapped around his head, completely determined to take the hits stoically.
Making it somewhat hilarious when Remus clapped him on the shoulder and Sirius nearly jumped three feet in the air with a high-pitched "Eeep!"
"Oh, relax, Padfoot," Moony told him with a smile. "I'm not going to hit you."
"You're … not?" Sirius asked, giving voice to everyone's confusion at that moment.
"Of course not, Siri!" Remus laughed. "At least, not right now." At Sirius' confused and somewhat alarmed look, Remus decided to elaborate. "After all, we never said that the shots had to be taken right now. In fact, we never even said that the shots had to be punches … or that they couldn't be spells." Sirius look of horror was perfectly complimented by Remus' own low, evil laugh. "Oh, I think I'm going to have some fun thinking up the perfect revenge … three times over … all while you spend every waking minute wondering if it'll be coming tomorrow … or the next day … or even ten years from now."
"I thought you said he was the mature and responsible one?" Kara asked Harry as Remus belted out another triumphant, villainous laugh.
"He is," Harry said. "You now, comparatively."
"I'm likin' yer family more n' more," Harley informed him with a smile.
"Okay, seriously, how much alcohol did you pump into me last night?" Remus asked Sirius as he rubbed his temple. "I can't remember anything that happened after we headed out."
"Hey, don't blame me for that. All I gave you was that one Butterbeer with a few shots' worth of extra fun added to it," Sirius defended. "Everything after that was all on you."
"Oh, well, that's much better," Remus dryly amended.
"Don't worry, Uncle Remus," Nym told him. "It doesn't matter that you don't remember what you did last night. We have a notarized list right here!"
"Oh, Merlin," Remus swore upon spotting the list of charges Nym snagged from the police station.
"Ooh, ooh, I want to read it!" Sirius insisted, snatching the list like the hyperactive child he was. Only two seconds into reading it, though, and he was cracking up. "Oh, I am so sorry that I don't remember this!"
"Do I even want to know?" Remus asked tiredly.
"Streaking down the main boulevard," Sirius began listing off, "somehow turning traffic lights purple, to much chaos and confusion; peeing on a fire hydrant …" Sirius paused to peer at the list more closely. "Sorry, fire hydrants, plural."
"Oh, God," Remus groaned.
"Several cases of mooning," Sirius continued with relish. "Nice one on that, Moony," he complimented. "Stealing a woman's Chihuahua and insisting it was your 'Beloved'." Sirius snickered. "I think that might be my personal favorite," he commented happily before continuing on. "Snatching off a man's toupee … with your teeth."
Remus paused in picking hairs off his tongue upon hearing that particular entry.
"Several cases of you biting people on their arses," Sirius continued with a laugh. "And one case of you bursting into a restaurant kitchen and mauling a poor, defenseless side of raw beef."
As Remus clutched his stomach with a disgusted look on his face, Sirius turned to the next page.
"Page two!" he began.
"Give me that!" Remus yelled, snatching the list away from a giggling Sirius.
"So, just to clarify," Kara said to Harry, "this is the man you referred to as a goody-two-shoes? Meaning this is your standard for mature, responsible behavior?"
"Well … yeah," Harry replied simply. "Why? What's yours like?"
Images of her infuriatingly perfect cousin Kal flashed through Kara's head. "Just a tad bit different," she answered.
"You know, yer uncle kinda reminds me o' my Nana, now," Harley remarked.
"That actually explains a lot," Kara commented.
Nana Remus, meanwhile, after rifling through several more pages after the first one, had slowly lowered the list of crimes to reveal bloodthirsty eyes staring straight at Sirius, who was now looking more nervous than ever, especially upon hearing the growl that started to ripple its way out of the werewolf's throat.
Fortunately, Sirius had one ace up his sleeve to distract him.
"Harry got married last night!" he blurted out in an inspiring display of loyalty and self-sacrifice.
"He what?!" Remus yelped, taking the bait as he whirled around to look at Harry, and the two blondes he now noticed standing next to him.
"Yeah! Twice!" a relieved Sirius happily piled on.
Harry sighed. "Thank you, Sirius. Thank you so much."
"Well, technically, it wasn't two weddin's," Harley corrected. "It was one three-way weddin'. But you should know. You were the best man!"
Remus blinked. "I … was the best man … to a three-way wedding?"
"Yep!" Harley replied.
True to form, Sirius displayed a remarkable focus and sense of priorities. "What the hell? How come he got to be the best man?! What about me?!"
"Well, you couldn't even stand by then, you was so drunk," Harley informed him. "Ya' just kinda inched yer way inta the chapel like a caterpillar. So Harry wanted Tonks ta take yer place, but she was cryin' too hard ta do it. So that left Remus! I mean, sure, he bit the King and humped the cake, but it's okay!" She snuggled into Harry's chest. "When ya' marry a guy, ya' marry inta his family, too." She turned to Kara. "I just can't wait ta meet yers! I mean, ya know, when they aren't tryin' ta beat me up and throw me in Arkham an' everythin'."
"Yeah, that meeting should go well," Kara muttered.
"I was not crying!" Nym butted in, showcasing a very Sirius sense of priorities. "I mean, sure, I don't exactly remember what happened, but no way was I crying! I don't cry!"
"Um, the Quidditch World Cup?" Harry reminded her.
"Okay, that was one time! But you'd cry too if you lost fifty galleons to the stupid Weasley twins!" Nym defended. "Those bastards are gloaters!"
"Hey, I told you that bet was a bad idea!" he reminded her. "I mean, Ireland has one of the best teams of Chasers in the league, while Bulgaria just coasts by on Krum! And he was going up against Lynch, one of the worst Seekers Ireland's ever had! Of course Bulgaria was going to end up with the Snitch, and of course Ireland was going to stomp them with their Chasers until that happened!"
"Oh, Merlin, not this again! That bet was solid gold! I mean, what kind of shit team still loses after catching the Snitch?! That never bloody happens! No one could have predicted that ending!"
"The twins did," he pointed out rather smugly.
"Alright, you know what? You and me, right now!" Nym yelled, drawing her wand.
"Bring it!" he shouted, drawing his own.
"ENOUGH!" Remus shouted, interrupting yet another fight over this. "You'll remember that we're in public? Surrounded by muggles?"
He was not wrong on that front. In fact, they had by that point gathered a crowd of curious bystanders who didn't seem to know whether to put money on the outcome or call the nice men in white coats to come deal with the lunatics who seemed about to fight each other with drumsticks.
Mumbling angrily to themselves, Harry and Nym both reluctantly sheathed their wands, and the crowd slowly started to wander off.
"The hell were you two talking about?" Kara finally asked.
"Quidditch," Nym said.
"Nym being an idiot," Harry answered simultaneously.
Unfortunately for Harry, Nym wasn't limited to using her wand to express her displeasure, as she demonstrated by turning and kicking him directly in the shin, which was a far more serious deal than it seemed, given the clunky leather boots she wore.
"Man down!" Harry cried as he rolled around on the pavement clutching his leg.
Rolling his eyes, Remus bent down to help him back up. "Getting back on topic, you got married?" Remus repeated to Harry, clearly trying to come to terms with this. "And not just once, but twice? To girls you hadn't even met before last night?"
Harry sighed. "Somehow, I figured you'd fixate on that particular detail."
Remus rubbed his temples. "Harry … I'm very disappointed in you." Nym looked pointedly at the list of criminal charges in Remus' hands. "I thought we had raised you better than that."
"I didn't," Sirius chimed in, rather honestly.
"Luckily," Remus continued, completely ignoring Sirius, as per usual, "we should be able to get you an annulment without too much trouble. For one thing, even if you're an adult by our standards, you're still legally a minor in the muggle world. Plus, we should be able to claim mental incapacity pretty easily, since I'm assuming you were less than sober when this happened."
"Hey! Who said we wanted an annul-thingy?!" Harley demanded, tightening her grip—fairly painfully—on Harry.
"Harley, be reasonable," Kara said gently. "I'm sure we all had fun last night, and I'm sure you thought this would be a good idea at the time, but the fact is–"
"It was your idea," Harley interrupted.
Kara was taken aback by this. "It … was my idea?"
"Yeah!" Harley insisted.
"Regardless of whose idea this was," Remus interrupted, "you have to recognize that this was a bad one. None of you really know each other. Especially since you don't even seem to remember last night."
"I do," Harley countered.
"But they don't," Remus pointed out to her, as annoyingly reasonable as ever. "The responsible thing to do would be to annul this marriage."
"Um," Harry finally spoke up, "this may all be a moot point, actually."
Remus certainly didn't like the sound of that. "And why exactly is that?"
Harry looked around at the muggles streaming past them. "Can we go somewhere else to talk?"
"Ooh, there was one cafe that you absolutely loved last night!" Harley told him. "Let's go there!"
"That actually sounds like a pretty good idea," Sirius said. "I could kill for some bacon right about now."
"Oh, Merlin, bangers and mash," Nym drooled.
Remus sighed. "Okay, fine. We'll talk there."
Skipping in excitement, Harley began leading the way.
As it turns out, Harley wasn't the only one to retain memories of their exploits last night.
At least, that was what Harry interpreted from all the yelling and attacking and chucking of plates and pans that the workers of the cafe did upon spotting the married trio.
He didn't feel too inclined to stick around and ask, though.
Instead, they simply—and very hurriedly—relocated to another cafe that the trio had hopefully not visited the night before.
There, they found a much calmer reception, and a fairly decent menu, too, even if Harley pouted and mourned, "It's not the same," while Nym complained that "These savages don't even have bangers and mash! What fresh hell is this?!"
Eventually, they were all settled and calmed and eating what Harley still stubbornly referred to as "the second best food in Vegas."
"Alright, Harry," Remus finally began, drawing his wand and casting a muffliato charm on the table. "I think it's time to explain."
Harry sighed. However, he didn't exactly need words for the next bit, as he rolled up his sleeve and revealed his new tattoo.
Remus appeared confused at first, but his eyes quickly widened in realization. Glancing at Harley and Kara, he spotted matching tattoos on their own left arms.
"Oh, Harry," he groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Please tell me that isn't what I think it is."
"Okay. It isn't what you think it is," Harry dutifully, if dishonestly, parroted.
Remus gave him an unimpressed look.
"Wait …," Sirius interrupted, his own eyes widening. "You mean that's …"
Harry nodded.
They were all suddenly very grateful for the silencing charm, as otherwise, Sirius' mad cackling would definitely have gotten them kicked out.
"Am I missing something?" Kara asked, clutching her new tattoo in concern.
"Nothing dangerous or anything," Nym assured her, after finally connecting the dots herself. "Just … complicated." She started rubbing her own temples. "Very complicated."
"I'll explain in a moment," Harry assured her and Harley, "but first …," he turned to Remus, "does this mean what I think it does?"
Remus appeared to be giving it some serious thought.
"I mean, they're muggles," Harry pointed out. "The law never said anything about applying to non-magicals."
"But it was also never specified that it only applied to magicals, either," Remus countered. "I don't think anyone even considered the possibility that the Mark could be applied to non-magicals, so no one bothered to specify that one had to be a witch or wizard for the law to apply. I mean, I'll need to do some research when we get back home in order to be absolutely sure, and I'll definitely have to get Andy involved …"
"Oh, perfect," Harry groaned, knowing a very painful encounter was in his future.
"But for the moment," Remus hesitantly continued, "… I'd have to say yes. I think this does mean …" He trailed off, but he didn't exactly need to say it out loud for Harry to get what he meant.
"Oh, very bloody well done, drunk-Harry," he groaned in exasperation.
"Could someone please hit the translate button sometime in the near future?" Kara asked, tired of being left out of the loop.
Harry sighed and turned to the girls. "You're right, I'm sorry. You see, Remus is a lawyer in our world. He works in my Aunt Andy's firm. So I was just … trying to get a handle on our situation before explaining it. But … I think that time has come."
"So … you're going to tell them about us? About our world?" Remus asked, looking somewhat uncomfortable.
"I have to. And they have a right to know," he said.
Turning back to the girls, he got started. "Okay, I don't know how much I told you last night, or how much you've pieced together today, so I'm just going to start from the beginning. You see, many centuries ago, certain people started developing magical abilities. Rudimentary compared to modern magical spells and abilities, sure, but still enough to terrify the non-magicals around them all the same."
"You mean like with the Salem Witch Trials of 1692?" Kara asked, remembering the event from her studies of Earth history.
"Exactly," Harry said. "That was one of the later instances of what I'm talking about. But our people faced a lot more persecution than that from non-magicals who envied their power or feared that it was the work of demons or some such nonsense. So, several centuries ago, the surviving magicals banded together and formed their own secret communities where they could live their lives and embrace their powers without fear, safely hidden from the pitchfork-and-torch-wielding muggles, or non-magicals. And that's where we all come from."
"Aaaawesome!" Harley breathed, her eyes shining. "We're part of a magical conspiracy, Kara!"
Harry grinned at Harley's excitement as she folded her legs underneath her and started bouncing in her seat. "Unfortunately," he continued, "while most witches and wizards simply want to live their lives in peace and quiet, safe from the muggles they fear, some have wanted to use their powers to conquer the world."
"Naturally," Kara dryly commented, having had more than her fair share of experience of supervillains trying to do exactly that the moment they gain even the slightest hint of power.
"Well, one such wizard was called Lord Voldemort, and he became the most powerful and feared dark lord our people have ever known," Harry explained. "Around the time I was born, he had gathered an army of lackeys and psychos, labeled them Death Eaters, and started leading them in a bloody war against the rest of my world. Sometimes, they targeted government officials, or their families. Other times, they simply went on rampage, slaughtering muggles or magicals indiscriminately."
"Good times," Sirius commented sarcastically, a shadowed look coming over his face.
"It was a dark time in our history," Remus picked up the explanation. "Not only did we never know where or how they would strike until it happened, but no one possessed the power to stop them. Even if we could occasionally manage to rouse up a strike force quick enough to hold the Death Eaters at bay, no one, not our police force, nor even our most powerful and experienced wizards, could ever stand against their master. Anyone he faced, ended up dead. Period."
"Rao," Kara breathed, while Harley started biting her nails in anxiety over the story.
"Then, a prophecy was made, which of course made everything better," Harry dryly picked up.
"What did the prophecy say?" Kara asked.
"Basically, that a child was about to be born who would have the power to kill that snake-eyed bastard. And since the oh so wise and brilliant man who originally heard this prophecy didn't bother to silence the other person who he saw had overheard it—despite knowing that man was a Death Eater himself!—guess who soon found out about this little issue?"
"Voldemort," Harley whispered, her eyes the size of dinner plates.
"And I'm guessing this prophecy was about you?" Kara astutely figured out.
"Right and right," he answered. "And obviously, old Moldyshorts wasn't going to let something like this stand, so he started hunting my family down. Eventually, he succeeded."
"What happened?" Kara asked while Harley started chewing her nails all the way down to the quick.
"He murdered my parents," he said simply, to two gasps of horror. "And he left me a parting gift." Sweeping his messy black hair clear of his forehead, he revealed a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his temple. "I was fifteen months old."
"I'm so sorry, Harry," Kara said, reaching out and taking his hand, her face showing nothing but sympathy … and understanding.
"It's okay," he told her, squeezing her hand in gratitude. "My parents weren't his first victims, and sadly, they weren't even his last. It happens." He gave a dry chuckle. "They got the last laugh, though."
"What do you mean?" Kara asked.
"My mother sacrificed herself to try and save me," he explained. "And when she did, this shrouded me in an incredibly powerful form of protective magic. When Voldemort tried to kill me, his spell backfired and destroyed him instead, leaving me with just this scar." He fingered the lightning bolt on his forehead. "And so the world was saved from the evil Lord Voldemort … even if it came at a terrible price." His eyes lost their glimmer at that.
Harley got up from her seat and squeezed her way onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight.
"Thanks, Harl," he told her with a small smile.
"That wasn't even the worst part, though," Sirius growled, his anger at what happened remaining unchanged even decades later.
"How so?" Kara asked, at a loss for how things got much worse than that.
"Someone sold Harry's parents out to Voldemort that night," Sirius answered, his eyes glittering darkly. "And that someone is a person that we had all called a friend."
Remus placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder and picked up the story. "Harry's parents had been hidden with very powerful magic," he explained to the girls. "The only way to find them was to be told how by someone called 'the secret-keeper'. Otherwise, you could walk right past their house and never even see them."
"It was supposed to be me," Sirius confessed, his hair hanging like a curtain in front of his face as he lowered his head in shame. "I was supposed to be their secret-keeper, but at the last minute, I told them to use Peter instead. I thought it'd be safer, that everyone would suspect it was me and never even look twice at shy, nervous little Peter. And then he sold them out to Voldemort. My fault."
Harry gave Nym a pointed look. Nodding, she drew her wand.
"YOW!" Sirius yelped, jumping in his seat and clutching his now sharply stinging buttcheek.
"Thanks, Nym," Harry told her.
"My pleasure, Har," she said with a smile.
"Sirius has a tendency to sink into the 'it's all my fault' pitfall from time to time," Harry explained to the surprised girls. "I've taken it upon myself to snap him out of it when he does. Sadly," he looked at Harley in his lap, "my hands are a bit full at the moment, so I had to outsource this time."
"Don't worry, cuz. I've got you covered," Nym assured him with a smile, fingering her wand and eyeing Sirius, who was rubbing his arse and muttering darkly.
"We have been over this, Sirius," Remus told the man. "The blame for their death lies with Pettigrew and Voldemort, no one else."
"Unless you want me to start taking the blame for their death too," Harry threatened. "After all, my birth is the reason they were targeted in the first place. If you say that their death is on you, then I have to say it's on me, too."
"Stupid Andy, teaching you stupid word games," Sirius muttered.
"So, getting back to the story, after my parents died, Sirius, my godfather, took me in," Harry explained.
"Still think I should have gone after that traitorous son of a bitch that night," Sirius growled.
"Yes, and if you had, what then?" Remus asked in exasperation. "We all thought you were the secret-keeper, remember? The only ones who knew different were you, the now-deceased Potters, and Pettigrew. Meaning we all thought you had been the one to betray them to Voldemort. If you had run off chasing Pettigrew, then who would have been there to tell us different? Merlin knows what could have happened then. You could have been killed by the Aurors! Or thrown in Azkaban! And then what would have happened to Harry?"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know," Sirius begrudgingly admitted. "That's the only reason I didn't run that bastard down and blow him to kingdom come; I couldn't be sure what would have happened to Harry if I had failed. I couldn't take that chance."
"And thank God for that," Remus said, clapping his friend on the shoulder again.
"And that was the start of our strange family," Nym explained to the girls. "But of course, no one in their right mind would trust Padfoot here with an infant all by himself."
"Hey!" Sirius protested weakly.
"So me mum and dad decided we'd move in with them to help out," Nym continued. "Mum was Sirius' cousin, so we were all family anyways, and me an' the tike here practically became siblings." She reached over and tousled Harry's hair fondly. "Then old Moony here seemed to think he'd be running off to live as a hermit somewhere, but Mum and Sirius wouldn't have that, so he ended up dragged into our little clan too. Mum even got him a job in her law firm so he could stop his whole 'homeless drifter' thing."
"Very unwisely, too, I might add," Remus groused.
"He's a werewolf," Nym confided to the girls, to a squawk of displeasure from Remus. "Thinks that gives him an excuse to avoid the family gatherings. We weren't buying it, though."
"Yer a werewolf?" Harley exclaimed. "That's awesome!"
"'Unsafe' would be a better word," Remus complained.
"Oh, come on, Moony. With your potion, you don't even lose your mind when you turn anymore," Sirus pointed out. "Unless you tripped and somehow impaled someone with one of your fangs, everyone was perfectly safe."
"That was largely the point Andromeda made when she originally suggested me moving in," Remus admitted. "Well, that and the fact that we couldn't be sure that even two other adults in the house would be enough to save poor little Harry from your influence."
"Well now you're just being mean," Sirius pouted.
"So, back to the story, Voldemort was gone, the world was saved, and we were all living in a somewhat cramped mansion," Harry continued. "Unfortunately, as we later learned, everyone's favorite dark lord was only mostly dead. He had stuck around in wraith form and was trying to regain a body so he could get back to business as usual. Yay us. And after several years of trying, he finally succeeded at that, too."
"Ugh. Don't you just hate it when the bad guys are supposed to be gone forever, and then they come back out of nowhere?" Kara sympathized.
"Yes! Exactly!" Harry emphatically agreed. "So all of a sudden, we've got dark lords and death eaters running around again. For a while, though, they weren't outright attacking people or anything. They were mostly just building up their forces for when they'd be ready to make their move, and until then, the Death Eaters mostly just went about their day-to-day lives."
"What, were they wearin' masks or somethin' when they were doin' stuff fer the Big Bad, an' so you couldn't figure out who they were the rest o' the time?" Harley asked.
"Good question. The answer is yes and no, actually," Harry said. "Yes, they typically wore masks when actively working as Death Eaters, but we still knew who they all were, for the most part."
"How?" Kara asked.
"Simple: All of Voldemort's followers received a tattoo marking them as part of his organization," Harry answered. "They were called 'Dark Marks'."
Harley seemed highly confused at this revelation. "But … but then didn't yer cops just check fer the tattoos and arrest the people who had 'em?" she asked in a display of logic that far surpassed anything that passed through their mockery of a government.
"That is another very good question, Harl," Harry told her. "And the answer is no, they did not."
"But … why?!" she asked, astounded and confused.
"Well, you see, there's something you need to understand about the wizarding world, and our government in particular," he told her.
"What's that?" Kara asked.
"They're morons," he bluntly informed them. "Complete … and utter … morons." He shook his head in disgust. "I mean, seriously, you have no idea. You wouldn't even believe the hoops I had to jump through just to get those idiots to acknowledge that Voldemort was back in the first place. They were utterly determined to bury their heads in the sand and blatantly ignore or actively suppress anything resembling evidence or even basic coherent thought." He turned back to Harley. "So no, they did not check for Dark Marks, because that would simply be too close to actual logic for their tastes."
"Sadly … he's not exactly wrong," Remus reluctantly agreed. "Especially in recent years, logic and reason have often seemed distant strangers to our leaders."
"Course, it didn't help that half our leaders were so deep in the Death Eaters' pockets that they were practically coughing up lint," Nym growled. "Get yourself captured in full Death Eater regalia? No problem! One little 'donation' later, and suddenly, you were just another innocent victim brainwashed into joining their little cult, and shouldn't such upstanding citizens be given a second chance to regain their seat in politics and continue pushing through laws that still perfectly match the manifesto of the Death Eaters? And of course, since the Auror that brought you in clearly just arrested an innocent man, shouldn't she be given a demerit? I mean, who cares about her reputation or the mountains of evidence she brought in with the guy, right?"
"Needless to say, we ended up handling a lot of the war front ourselves," Harry told the girls as they watched Nym brutally stab one of her sausage links.
Repeatedly.
"So, am I right in assuming that our tattoos have something to do with these 'Dark Marks' you mentioned?" Kara asked, studying her left forearm.
"You would indeed," he told her. "You see, one of Voldemort's most terrifying attributes wasn't the unparalleled power of his spells. It wasn't even how ruthless or just downright sadistic he could be in who he went after and what he did to them. It was his sheer talent at magic. He had a knack for creating unheard-of spells capable of accomplishing what our world had always considered to be utterly impossible, and he did so repeatedly. When he wasn't doing that, he was dragging the depths of our past to resurrect ancient spells long thought lost to time, if they were even remembered in the first place." Harry shrugged. "Well, pretty early on, I learned about how I was going to have to fight this bastard, and just how terrifying and even utterly laughable a notion this was, given what he was capable of. So, I started making it my mission to make myself his magical equal, whether by developing my own magic or by learning the secrets of his own. I had to. If I couldn't stop him, the prophecy stated that no one else would, and damned if I was going to just let this psycho run loose over all the world."
Harley started rubbing the back of his neck soothingly as she felt him get worked up over what he was talking about. Smiling at her appreciatively, he continued on more calmly. "Well, in my studies, I learned that the Dark Mark he used on his followers was far more than simple decoration. It was powerful magic forcefully binding his followers to him. More than that, though, I learned that it was old magic, hailing from all the way back when humans started to take their first proverbial steps in magic."
Both Harley and Kara started leaning closer in interest, even if for Harley, this just meant bringing her face within an inch of his own. "You see, back then, our people faced a pretty serious threat of extinction. Magical talent had only just started to surface in humans, so our proto-sorcerer ancestors lacked the more advanced abilities needed to defend themselves, and they often couldn't even control what abilities they did have well enough to reliably hide them. Unfortunately for them, non-magicals were also extremely determined to destroy the 'demon-worshipers', as they saw them. Eventually, this left magicals on the verge of dying out."
"What happened?" Harley asked, gently tugging on one of her pigtails as she listened, spellbound by the story.
"Well, up to that point, early magicals had mostly gotten by on their own, just families on the run. It was typically just one magical with their non-magical spouse and children, or maybe a magical child with their non-magical parents and siblings. Whatever the details, one fact remained: they were always running, and they were always hiding. For those unlucky bastards whose non-magical families felt more inclined to join the torch-wielding mobs than shelter 'devil-spawn', they simply struck out on their own … if they were fortunate. Unfortunately, neither tactic was all that successful. In the end, most found themselves on the receiving end of witch-hunter blades, or simply caught up in the chaos of 'witch trials' and executed alongside a few hundred other falsely accused non-magicals. And after a few generations, this left our numbers teetering on the brink of extinction. So, magicals were forced to change things up a bit."
"What'd they do?" Harley whispered, now chewing on the end of her pigtail.
"They started forming what would become the foundations of modern magical communities," he explained. "Instead of running and hiding on their own, the remaining magicals started banding together to survive. They started learning from each other, and teaching others the techniques they had developed themselves. And so the magicals that remained started to grow more powerful, and better able to defend themselves from the mobs of non-magical fanatics. However, their numbers were still too few and their abilities too raw to form any permanent, standing community safely. Instead, they resorted to caravans, for the most part, continuing life on the move, but now as groups instead of on their own. They relied on their ability to hide in plain sight, posing as circuses, or as merchants peddling cure-alls, or even as gypsies." Harry grimaced. "Unfortunately, this tactic brought with it its own problems."
"Like what?" Kara asked, now practically sitting on his lap herself, she was leaning in so far.
"The stakes were higher, now," he explained. "Before, if the non-magical fanatics wanted to hunt down magicals, they had to do it one at a time, and they often had to end up butchering huge swathes of their own people in the process to accomplish even that. But now? If they found one single caravan, even one of the smaller ones, they could accomplish in a day what had previously taken years of trials and hunting to achieve." Harry sighed. "Worse than that, though, was the fact that it wasn't unheard of for magicals to betray their own caravans to the witch-hunters."
"But why?" Harley asked, horrified.
"Greed, sometimes," he said sadly. "They were often paid extremely well for the information. For others, it was because they actually believed in the witch-hunters' cause and felt that those with their abilities were sinful abominations that needed to be eradicated, and so they worked with the non-magicals to track down and slaughter their own people. These lunatics often either took their own lives before too long, unable to deal with being 'abominations' themselves, or else they eventually found themselves on the witch-hunters' noose if the latter felt they weren't leading them to enough of their own people. Whatever the reason for their betrayals, though, the fact remained that the magicals simply couldn't afford to lose entire caravans' worth of their people like that. Their numbers were just too few."
"How did they stop it?" Kara asked.
"By creating the magic of coven-bonds," he explained. "This powerful form of sorcery connected people's very souls, binding them together in an unbreakable link. In doing so, they guaranteed that their people would never betray their fellow bondmates. Doing so would be like cutting off their own arms. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone in the coven was still an individual, and just as capable of disagreeing with the others as anyone, but they could never sell our their bondmates to the mobs and hunters. It was just unthinkable. They were as loyal to each other as any family. More so, even. On top of that, the bonds made it easier for magicals to share their power and teach each other their own talents and spells, thus guaranteeing the group's survival better than anything ever had before. These covens then typically went their own ways in their own small caravans, constantly protecting each other while they learned and grew together. They would then meet with other covens and teach them more of the magic they had perfected in their group while learning from the other in turn. And so human magical ability grew by leaps and bounds. In time, magicals grew powerful enough to form standing communities, and these covens went on to become the ancestors for modern magical family lines." Harry suddenly grinned. "And after learning all of this a couple years ago, I came up with a very amusing idea."
"This should be good," Harley predicted excitedly.
"You see, Voldemort's Dark Mark is a perversion of this coven magic," he explained. "Rather than marking each other as equals, as a family, it marks his followers as subservient to him, little more than slaves, or tools. It forces their loyalty towards him while he himself feels nothing for them. He doesn't even wear a Mark himself. So, while his followers were physically incapable of turning against him no matter what he did to them, he was free to torture, kill, or betray his followers as much as he liked. And believe me, like it he did."
"He sounds like a terrific boss," Kara dryly commented.
"Oh, you have no idea," he agreed. "But, despite how he altered and even corrupted the original spell to form his Dark Marks, the fact remained that they were still based off of coven-bonds …," Harry's face lit up in a wicked grin, "… which is essentially the magical equivalent of making someone your soul mate."
"Oh, no," Kara breathed while Harley began giggling.
"Oh, yes," Harry said, grinning madly. "Now, something else you need to know. Our little clan," he gestured at the rest of his family, "wields quite a bit of power in our government. We're a combination of the family lines of the Potters and the Blacks, two very old and extremely powerful houses in our world. Plus, for various reasons, I've found myself the heir of several other houses that are even older and more powerful. Not to mention the fact that the idiots where we're from practically worship me simply because I was physically present when Voldemort was vanquished the first time." He shuddered in annoyance. "So, put simply, if we want a law or something to go through, it's pretty much a given that it will. And, bearing this fact in mind, I came to the rest of my family with an idea for just such a law."
Sirius sniffled emotionally. "I've never been as proud of Harry as I was at that moment," he warbled.
"My idea," Harry explained, snickering all the while, "was to 'rediscover' the coven-bonds of our yesteryear, and to get them recognized as an act of marriage."
"Oh, Rao," Kara giggled, seeing where this was going.
"And, of course, this would also apply to offshoots of coven magic, such as, oh, as just a random example, Dark Marks," Harry added happily.
Harley now had to bury her face in his chest to stifle her cackling.
"And as a final detail, it should be mentioned that the vast majority of Voldemort's followers are men," Harry mentioned.
Nym was now snort-giggling too.
"And so, with Remus and Andy's help, we came to the Wizengamot with a proposed bill for the recognition of coven magic, and all variations thereof, as a legally binding act of marriage," he proudly declared.
"You have no idea how much smoke we had to blow to get that through," Remus mentioned. "Even with our near voting monopoly."
"But it worked!" Harry picked up. "The law went through, and the next edition of our newspaper boldly declared that our dread Lord Voldemort was officially married to a whole bunch of dudes. The slut."
The entire table burst into laughter, even Remus.
"But that wasn't even the best part," Harry choked through his laughter.
"It gets better?!" Kara asked incredulously, tears of laughter streaming down her face.
"Oh yeah. You see, most of his followers were the lords and scions of the wealthiest and most powerful families in our culture," Harry managed to explain. "Their insane wealth had been funding Voldemort's entire campaign, just like they had in the first war. But, as part of our culture, virtually all of these lords had married their spouses as a result of betrothal contracts with other powerful families. And, with them all now being legally and magically recognized as married to Voldemort, all these contracts were suddenly broken, and those things carry notoriously harsh penalties for that. As a result, all those rich and powerful SOBs lost their titles, their influence, and their wealth all in one fell swoop."
"It was brilliant," Sirius boasted. "Voldemort's entire operation was crippled overnight, and those rich, snobbish bastards suddenly didn't have two coins to rub together, meaning no more bribing their way out of prison."
"But at least they had their new husband to take care of them," Nym pointed out with a grin.
"By the way, if you haven't seen a Dark Lord throw a temper tantrum, I can personally attest that it is utterly hilarious," Harry told the girls. "It got even better after my dear friend Luna printed an article in her father's magazine discussing just how many marriage consummations Voldemort had in store for him. She even recommended several oils and lubricants to help him prevent chafing."
"She sounds incredible!" Harley snickered.
"In all honesty, that plan was brilliant, though!" Kara complimented after finally getting her breath back. "You managed to completely cripple your enemy without throwing a single punch. I can't believe you thought of that!"
"Hmm? Oh, no, that part was just an unexpected bonus," Harry candidly admitted.
"It … wait, what?" Kara asked, confused.
"Yeah, when I came up with this idea, I didn't actually realize this would get his followers' marriages voided, or that this would leave them all completely broke," Harry confessed. "I just wanted to see the newspaper article announcing that our fearsome dark lord was now legally married to a bunch of guys. I thought it'd be hilarious."
"I framed a copy and hung it over a painting of my mother I could never take down," Sirius happily shared.
Kara stared silently, not sure how to respond to someone accidentally decimating his enemy's army as the result of a prank.
Harley did, though. "My new hubby is awesome!" she proudly declared, running her hands through his hair and grinning at him.
"And that leads to our current dilemma," Harry segued, raising his marked left arm. "The three of us are marked with the original coven-bond magic. And according to the law that I actually helped create, we are now, by law and magic, recognized as married so long as we bear these marks." He sighed. "And, unfortunately … I don't actually know how to remove them … or if they even can be removed."
Harley seemed fairly unconcerned by this revelation as she happily traced his tattoo. By contrast, Kara's expression turned unreadable as she studied the serpent adorning her own arm. "These are permanent?" she asked quietly.
"As far as I know," he confessed. "They weren't exactly designed to be removed, after all. The whole point was to bring people together in an unbreakable bond, binding them together as part of a family. I don't know of any instance where any form of the Mark had been successfully removed after being applied. Even Voldemort's death didn't remove his Dark Marks from his followers." He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I can do some more research on it, though, and I can try some experiments to see if they can be removed, but for now …"
"For now, they're permanent," Kara completed, still utterly expressionless. "And that means that our marriage can't be undone."
They all watched her silently as she studied her tattoo. That silence turned nervous as she stood up and stepped closer to Harry.
And that silence broke as she grabbed his face and kissed him.
"Well, hello," Sirius muttered.
Harry, meanwhile, was simply lost in the soft, warm feel of her lips, and the gentle tickle of her long golden hair caressing his cheek.
When she finally pulled away, he was left staring speechlessly into Kara's deep blue eyes, an expression mirrored by Harley, who was still sitting on his lap.
"What? You act like it's weird for a wife to kiss her husband," Kara teased as she regained her seat with a smile.
It took a few moments for all the synapses of his brain to start firing again. "Wait … you mean, you're okay with this?"
Kara sighed. "I dunno. This whole thing … it's weird. To say the least. But even if I was drunk at the time, a part of me did still think this would be a good idea, apparently. Plus … well, you're cute. Very cute."
Harry wouldn't think he could still blush, given what he apparently did last night, but blush he did.
"And you're funny, and fun to be around, too. And we clearly get along well, if we were willing to get married in the first place," Kara continued listing off, her smile returning. "So if we're actually stuck together, even if just for now … well, I could think of worse fates."
"Oh, be still, my heart," he dryly remarked.
"Oh, you know what I mean," she said, rolling her eyes, though still with a smile.
"So we're all stayin' married?!" Harley squealed in excitement.
"At least until Harry here finds out for sure if and how the Marks can be removed," Kara answered.
"Woohoo!" Harley cheered, planting a massive, wet kiss on Harry's lips. She didn't stop there, though, as she reached for Kara, too.
The self-proclaimed superhero barely had time to widen her eyes before Harley was on her, giving her a kiss that looked like it would rival the one she gave Harry earlier that morning.
Once again, the room was dead silent as Harley regained her seat on Harry's lap, this time grinning widely at Kara's shell-shocked face.
"What? We're married too, ya' know," Harley pointed out to her with a wink.
"Uh," Kara eloquently responded, her face crimson, "… right."
"Aw, don't worry, Goldie," Harley comforted her. "You'll get used ta it in no time!" As she settled more comfortably onto Harry's lap, though, a look of surprise passed over her face. "Oh! I see someone is already gettin' used ta it, isn't he? Or is that just a wand in yer pocke–"
"And moving on!" he hastily interrupted, pointedly ignoring Harley's teasing, smoking glances, along with her blatant wiggling and his family's snickers.
"Perhaps we should literally be moving on," Nym suggested upon spotting the stares the rest of the cafe was giving them.
"That sounds like a good idea," Kara agreed, still avoiding eye contact with the grinning Harley.
After they gathered up their things and made their way outside, however, they continued their conversation.
"So how about you two?" Sirius asked the two girls now married to his godson. "Tell us about yourselves."
However, his interrogation didn't get any farther than that, because at that moment, the ground beneath their feet began shaking in dull, pounding thuds, and their group was buffeted by screaming throngs of terrified muggles all fleeing from …
"Is that a giant metal playing card?" Harry asked in befuddlement.
"NONE CAN STAND AGAINST THE ACE OF SPADES!"
"Ugh. Great, now he shows up," Kara groused as the black-and-white, robotic monstrosity patterned like the aforementioned Ace of Spades used two hulking metal hands to tear apart the roof of a bank like cracking an egg.
"Friend of yours?" Harry asked. However, as he turned to look at Kara, he found her suddenly wearing an entirely different outfit.
She wore a bright blue, skintight, long-sleeved top bearing a strange red and gold shield featuring a prominent, stylized "S" on her chest, backed by a brilliant red cape hanging from her shoulders to the back of her knees. Below the cropped shirt was a bare, toned midriff and an equally bright blue skirt that ended at mid-thigh, leaving an expanse of smooth, curvy leg bare to just below her knee, where a pair of crimson, flat-soled boots completed the ensemble.
"Be right back," she told them before flying at the giant, card-themed robot.
"Um … what?" Sirius asked for all of them just as Kara crashed into the robot with a punch that seemed to strike with all the force of a meteor, sending the giant card-man staggering back.
"Hey, wait fer me!" Harley cried before grabbing a bag Harry hadn't noticed before and darting into a nearby phone booth.
"Shy, isn't she?" Nym asked as Harley started stripping down inside the clear-glass phone booth in full view of everyone.
"Whoa!" Harry called out in surprise, hastily transfiguring the glass to something dark to preserve Harley's dignity.
Just then, the ground jumped once more as the giant metal man was sent crashing to the ground by Kara.
"Would you all excuse me for a minute?" he asked his family as he went to join her.
"Hey, sweetie?" he called up to her from next to the giant robot, which was currently flat on its back and sprouting craters from being waled on.
"Yes, Harry?" she called back to him as she grabbed two metal plates forming the robot's chest and tore them apart with her bare hands, sending sparks flying as she exposed more of the robot's inner workings.
"I have questions," he informed her.
"Just a moment, dear," she informed him as she struggled against the metal behemoth's grip after it managed to grab her.
"Oh, sure. Take your time," he told her.
"Thanks!" she replied, just before the robot managed to whip her into the air and started struggling to its feet.
"My wife," he boasted to the metal card-man as he watched Kara catch herself in the air and start flying back.
The clearly jealous robot responded by trying to smash him. However, when it lifted its fist out of the new crater in the street, it seemed rather confused to find that he wasn't there.
"Need some help, love?" Harry called out to Kara from the other side of the street.
"Nope! I got this," she assured him as she crashed into the oversized Tin Man once more.
"Alright, then. Have fun," he told her as he conjured up some popcorn.
"Thank you!" she told him brightly before she started tearing into the robot with a rather impressive display of savagery, if Harry did say so himself.
"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, SUPERGIRL!" the robotic Ace boomed in what Harry deemed a rather dubious claim. "AND THEN I'M GONNA BUST OUT THE REST OF MY TEAM, AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE THIS CITY FOR EVERY SINGLE CENT!"
Harry was rather doubtful of this claim as well.
"Supergirl, huh?" he casually asked her as he watched her tear into the left arm of the now flailing giant metal man.
"Yeah, it's my superhero name," she answered as she finally managed to tear off the robot's left arm and started using it to methodically beat the crap out of Ace.
"I think you missed a spot," he facetiously claimed, pointing at the card-man's head.
"Oh, thanks," she told him cheerfully before amending this issue by repeatedly swinging the giant metal arm like a baseball bat right into the very worse-for-wear robot's face.
"So, a superhero, huh? What's that?" he picked up right before Ace managed to land a lucky shot that spiked Kara into the pavement right next to him. "Whoa! You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she assured him as she brushed some rubble off her costume. "But seriously? You don't know what a superhero is?" she asked as she dodged Ace's giant metal foot and started repeatedly flying into the staggering robot's back like a super-strong gnat.
"We're kinda reclusive where I'm from," he explained.
"Well … a superhero is … well, kinda just this," she answered as she started working on removing the robot's right arm. "We fight giant robots and invading aliens and megalomaniacs with giant lasers, and we just kinda save the day." Sadly, the robot managed to tear itself loose from her grip—literally, as the scraps of metal in Kara's hands attested—and continued its hopeless fight.
"Really?" Harry asked, intrigued. "So you just … run around doing hero stuff, all the time?"
"Pretty much," she answered as evaded several wild strikes from Ace.
"… Huh," he responded thoughtfully. "Interesting …"
As he watched, Kara apparently gave up on brute-forcing the arm. Instead, she simply shot lasers out of her eyes that cut through the arm like a warm knife through butter, sending it clattering to the ground to join its fellow.
Harry didn't even bother to question the ability at this point.
"NO! I AIN'T GOIN' DOWN LIKE THIS!" the disarmed robot bellowed furiously, if somewhat impotently. Suddenly, however, several sparking and dented panels on the robot's body slid open, revealing what Harry felt safe to assume weren't flower dispensers.
Roaring, the robot fired a barrage of missiles at Kara and the street around them. Kara didn't seem too concerned, though, simply shooting down several with her laser vision while catching and smashing several others with her bare hands.
For the missiles that got past her, they just sort of magically disappeared before reaching the buildings or the crowd of rather stupidly rubbernecking civilians.
Harry gave his wand a twirl before re-sheathing it and returning to the show.
Unfortunately, that was when the show was rather rudely interrupted by a non-Kara-shaped red-blue blur that came out of nowhere to slam into the giant robot, which was promptly sent crashing into what was left of the bank it had broken into.
… as well as the two buildings on the other side of it.
"Oh, great. Here we go," Kara muttered.
Harry didn't have to ask what she meant, though, as a red-and-blue-clad man—who Harry was now mentally referring to as Property-Damage-Man—rose from rubble to float across from Kara.
Neither looked thrilled about the meeting.
"Where have you been?!" the man demanded, his long crimson cape snapping in the breeze. However, Harry paid more attention to the sigil on his chest, which perfectly matched Kara's.
Ah. This must be her cousin, Harry inferred.
"You know … around," Kara answered evasively as she returned to the ground.
"No. Not good enough!" her similarly dressed counterpart yelled, floating closer to the ground, though Harry noticed he didn't land, leaving him with the high-ground in their confrontation. "I've been looking all over for you since yesterday! And here you are, dressed as Supergirl! We agreed that you wouldn't do that without me! We–"
"No, you agreed!" Kara interjected furiously, clearly having had this conversation before, and not thrilled to be having it again. "You are the one who has a problem with me fighting crime without you hovering over me, fussing over my every move. But you know what? I don't need a babysitter! I can handle myself! For Rao's sake, I'm just as strong and invulnerable as you are! I'm fine! So yes, I've been fighting crime on my own. In fact, I came out here to take down the Royal Flush Gang. And you know what? I did! Except for Ace here, they're all locked up because of me!"
"But you shouldn't have done that without me there!" the newcomer insisted as behind him, Harry watched the giant robot slowly start to climb to its feet. However, both he and Kara were too focused on their argument to notice. So Harry drew his wand.
"You're not used to your powers, yet!" Kara's cousin told her as Harry, ignored by both of them, started holding up both his hands like he was trying to eyeball a picture, or like he was lining up a shot in American Football.
"You could hurt someone, or get hurt yourself!" her cousin continued as Harry shifted back and forth to get the right angle. "That's why you don't do this without me there! It's like Robin with Batman. I'm supposed to teach yo–"
"Oh! So now I'm your sidekick?!" Kara demanded, her eyes glowing red again.
Harry was fairly sure that the only safe answer to this question was 'no'. However, he also didn't give her seemingly somewhat dickish cousin a chance to respond, as the ragged Ace had finally staggered to its feet, meaning it was time for Harry's intervention.
"Waddiwasi!" Harry incanted, gaining their attention at last. However, as confused as Kara's cousin clearly was, he didn't have a chance to do more than squeal as Harry's spell sent him flying into and through the approaching Ace with all the speed of a bullet.
Kara's eyes bulged as her cousin, one of the most powerful beings on the planet, was sent careening across the sky while the enormous robot she'd been fighting suddenly started having to come to grips with the gaping hole in the middle of its torso.
Her face when she turned back to Harry showed nothing but pure awe and delight.
"That was amazing," she praised, overjoyed at seeing her perfect, overbearing cousin brought down a peg when she was so mad at him.
"Hey, before he comes back, is your cousin … 'special'?" Harry asked her.
"'Special'?" she asked, her face furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Yeah, like, is he all there in the head? Cause I mean, he wears his underwear on the outside of his pants, so I was worried that maybe …"
"Oh!" Kara exclaimed as she finally got it. However, her giggling made it difficult to answer. "No, he's not 'special'. Just fashion impaired. And insanely overprotective and smothering. And a major pain in my butt."
"And you said he's invulnerable?" Harry asked as he watched her cousin rapidly returning.
"Pretty much, yeah," she answered.
"Good," he said, though he didn't tell her why, as her cousin had returned, and for some inexplicable reason, he seemed somewhat peeved.
"Kara, get away from him!" he ordered, staring at Harry mistrustfully and taking a defensive stance.
"What? Kal, he's fine. This is Harry," she introduced. "He's my … friend."
Harry stared at the flying man, who was clearly preparing for a fight. Strangely, even though he didn't know the guy, he kind of reminded Harry of Dumbledore, in a way. Not in the older-than-dirt, senile-old-fart kind of way, but just in the way he carried himself, the way he held his chin with an air of self-righteous assurance. Like Dumbledore, he just oozed a quiet aura of moral superiority, as if he felt he was a bastion of goodness that the world should aspire to, as if the whole world saw him as some idol of perfection that could never be tarnished, and after years of hearing their praise, he had started to feel that maybe they were right.
It made what Harry was about to do much, much more enjoyable.
"Kara, he's dangerous! You need to geeeeeEEEEE!"
Collateral-Damage-Man was cut off from yelling at Kara as Harry pointed his wand at him … and started using him as a blunt instrument to bludgeon the heavily damaged but apparently still functional Ace as it started stomping towards them once again.
Kara's jaw dropped as the squealing and helplessly flailing Superman was used as an indestructible, human-shaped wrecking ball to smash into Ace.
Repeatedly.
"Let – Me – Go!" he yelped as he was swung into the now heavily crumpled giant robot over and over again. "I'm – Gonna – Barf!" Sure enough, her super cousin looked decidedly green around the gills, wrapped helplessly as he was in the grip of Harry's magic.
Of course, the almighty Ace wasn't feeling too hot either, at the moment.
"I surrender! I surrender!" he cried, though in a very human voice rather than the booming speakers from before. Harry paused in his superhuman bludgeoning as creaking, shredded panels slid open in what remained of the giant scrap heap's body, ejecting a trembling man dressed in a ragged, card-themed costume. "Please, no more! I give up!" he cried again, holding his hands in the air.
One quick bop from Harry's new indestructible—if quietly groaning—floating battering ram, and the human Ace was deep in lala land, and ready to be taken in to complete Kara's Royal Flush.
"There you go, Kara," Harry told her. "That should complete the se–"
Chink!
He cut off in surprise at the strange sound. Looking down, he spotted a bat-shaped piece of black metal embedded in the concrete by his feet. However, before even Kara could do more than widen her eyes, the bat exploded, sending them both flying through the air.
Fortunately, Kara was indestructible, so she quickly gained her bearings and caught herself in the air. To her surprise, though, Harry was already back on the ground near the tiny crater, looking completely unharmed, except for the charred leg of his pants and the slightly miffed expression on his face.
However, of greater interest was the group of colorful individuals lined up on the street behind them.
"Oh, Rao," Kara breathed as she took in the sight of virtually the entire Justice League, and their sidekicks.
All of whom were currently glaring at Harry.
Batman was front and center, as he was wont to be. At his sides were Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter, while flanking them were Captain Atom and The Flash, followed by Green Lantern and Hawkgirl. Following them were Aquaman and Black Canary, flanked by Green Arrow and Red Tornado. Captain Marvel and Zatara took up the far edges. In a separate, far less neatly organized group were the assorted sidekicks of the heroes, including Robin, Kid Flash, Aquagirl, Wonder Girl, and Zatanna, who Kara was extremely surprised to see out and about at all, given how her father Zatara was even more obsessively protective and smothering of her than Kal was towards her, which was really saying something.
"I'm guessing by the pointy ears and the picture of the flying rodent on your chest that that little surprise was yours," Harry asked the caped and cowled man in front.
"Lower the wand and surrender," Batman ordered, the pure white eyes of his cowl narrowing threateningly. "You're coming with us."
"No, it's fine! Everyone relax!" Kara hurriedly interrupted, before she was suddenly grabbed from behind.
"Stand down, Kara," Kal told her, apparently released from Harry's spell in the surprise of Batman's attack.
"Let me go, Kal!" she yelled, thrashing in his steel grip.
"Relax, Kar. It's fine," Harry told her in a remarkably casual tone for someone staring down the most powerful beings on the entire planet.
"It is not fine!" she yelled. "Everyone, you got the wrong idea! He was just messing around. Kal is fine."
"Supergirl, he attacked a member of the Justice League," Wonder Woman pointed out to her.
"A member of the what?" Harry asked curiously, still looking completely unconcerned by the hostile intent of the small army staring him down, many of whom now looked extremely surprised by his question.
"Kal doesn't even have a scratch on him," Kara pointed out to Diana. "Harry's my friend. He's not a bad guy. It's fine. He was just messing around. And look! He helped capture a criminal!" She gestured at the downed Ace.
Most of the League started looking at each other uncertainly and lowering their weapons, apparently starting to listen to her, giving Kara hope that she could end this before a fight started. Worried that Harry's family would intervene and make things worse, though, she glanced over at where she and Harry had left them. To her surprise, she found them all still standing there, not trying to intervene at all. Though, if she didn't know better, she would have said that they were listening to something inaudible, given the way they had their heads cocked. In fact, it kind of looked like it did when Martian Manhunter was speaking to a member of the League telepathically, which seemed even more likely when she glanced at Harry and saw a slightly distant look in his eye, also just like the Manhunter got when telepathically communicating.
"Well, I must say, you've certainly got an interesting technique for crime fighting," Green Arrow finally chuckled, lowering his bow and smiling at Harry good-naturedly, an expression definitely not mirrored by the ever-suspicious Batman. However, many of the other members of the League followed Green Arrow's lead and lowered their weapons fully, or just otherwise relaxed. Even Kal reluctantly released Kara and floated over to join his fellows, though his expression still mirrored Batman's.
"Thank you," Kara told them all gratefully, feeling almost boneless in relief.
Even if only very briefly.
"Hang on, guys! I'm comin'! Don't finish robo-man off without me!"
Kara felt her stomach drop as Harley forced her way through the crowd of watching pedestrians and ran up panting, fully dressed in her traditional skin-tight, red and black jester outfit, complete with makeup and an over-sized mallet that Kara was utterly clueless both as to where she had just got it from and how she even used it. Of course, at the moment, Kara's priorities had her focusing more on how the entire League tensed up and lifted their weapons upon spotting her.
"Holy shit, Harley. You look incredible," an awestruck Harry with apparently very different priorities informed Harley.
"Aww, thank you, sweetie," she said happily, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "But where's the Tin Man? Did you guys finish him without meeeeoh no." Her face fell as she noticed the Justice League for the first time. "Aw, crap!"
"Seconded," Kara groaned.
"Harley Quinn," Batman growled.
"Uh, h-h-hey, B-man! Long t-time, no see!" she nervously greeted over Harry's shoulder as she huddled behind him.
Batman's glare simply deepened.
"You know, I almost get the sense that you two don't quite like each other," Harry dryly commented. "Weird."
"Well, you wouldn't like 'im eitha if it was you he was constantly beatin' on and bullying and scarin' and lockin' away!" Harley whined, peeking around him nervously to stare at the entire army of superpowered heroes in front of them, all of whom would happily see her returned to Arkham, if not simply prison.
"That girl is a wanted criminal," Batman informed them, glowering at the gulping Harley all the while. "Stand aside and release her to us."
"Hmm …," Harry tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Nah," he then casually replied.
The surprised looks on several of the heroes said this was not the response they expected.
Batman's glare grew even more threatening, if that was possible. "That wasn't a suggestion," he growled, drawing a batarang. "Stand aside and release her to us. You won't be told again."
For achingly long moment, silence reined in the street, disturbed only by the creaking of leather and the rustle of cloth as members of the League hefted weapons or took a combative stance. All except Batman and Harry. Kara's eyes jumped from one to the other like a ball in table tennis, but neither moved an inch. Batman's unchanging glower remained as fearsome as ever, while Harry's expression still showed his usual look of casual, general amusement, though now tinged with … excitement?
Harley gulped and tightened her grip on the back of Harry's jacket.
Finally, the stand-off broke, as once again, Harry made the strange hissing sound that Kara had heard earlier, only this time, she noticed the locket on his chest start glowing under his shirt.
What Kara saw next made her eyes bulge.
Between one eye blink and the next, Harry's entire outfit simply … changed. Where once, he had been wearing casual, if well-made clothes, now … now, he looked ready for war.
He still wore the engraved, red-black leather boots she had noticed before, but that was all that remained the same. Rather than blue jeans and a black button-up shirt, he wore what could only be called armor, made of the thin, glossy green-black scaled leather that Kara recognized from the jacket he had been wearing, only this was carved with more of the strange designs and symbols that graced his boots. On his forearms were fingerless gloves and bracers made from the same reddish-black leather as his boots, too, and they bore still more of the delicately engraved runes, while on one of his fingers, Kara noticed a strange ring bearing a simply cut black stone featuring yet another symbol that she didn't recognize, resembling a triangle containing a circle and bisected by a straight line.
His new attire was completed by an odd silvery cloak that seemed to make parts of him disappear, as well as his golden locket dangling on his chest.
"Make me," Harry finally spoke, grinning excitedly at Batman while twirling his wand made of a strange, knotted wood.
"Ah, hell," Kara muttered as she saw Batman's grip tighten on his batarang.
Author's note: Hello everyone :) I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. I gotta say, it ended up being a lot more expository than I expected, so sorry if that bugs you. For Harry's armor, if it helps, I'm picturing something like an altered version of the Nightingale Armor from Skyrim, sans the hood and mask. Beyond that, I hope you're enjoying the story, and I'll see you next time!
