A/N: Same with the fic description. Continuation of my previous two fics, Goodbye, Idiot Shinji( s/14056760/1/Goodbye-Idiot-Shinji) and A Trap, Pretendings, And Standards( s/14083542/1/A-Trap-Pretendings-And-Standards). Timeline-wise it sits between the two. I recommend you to read those two first, if you haven't.

Bathing is the washing machine of life, Misato once said.

Or, did she? Shinji stirred the lukewarm water once and raised his hand. He focused on his dripping hand, surrounded by white steam, and clenched it into a fist.

She probably did. Even the most vivid dream faded quickly under the morning sun, and just like that much of what had flowed into Shinji in Anti-Universe has receded to the deeper side of his consciousness. Just like the last night's dream, it was becoming ever more difficult to recall minuscule details without focusing hard. And Misato's words were clearly apparent in Shinji's memory without any curtain of blurred ambiguity. It must be part of Shinji's real experience.

Or, maybe that particular conversation was repeated so often in different times and spaces that it just stuck in his conscious memory without actually being his, even after exactly two weeks has passed after his return to the physical universe. He wasn't sure. It didn't seem important anyway.

Was it, though? The distinction between your true self and something that isn't? Come to think of it, it really was somewhat strange to say such a thing didn't matter. Shinji sighed, dropping his hand. Splash rang through the village public bath he was using alone, and soon the wave hit his chest.

With the spirit mellowed by a proper bath after a long time, Shinji put aside the frustrating thoughts for the time being and thought about Misato's words again. How mature and wise she looked when she said that. In truth she was just about his age now back then, and even more of a lost child than the average.

The washing machine of life. She just meant he would feel refreshed and hence forget his woes. But it wasn't sweat, dirt, or physical fatigue that was weighing down Shinji now. And even if it was possible to wash what's troubling him off, to get rid of the whole thing, would that be wise? What would that make of him? Washing away the memories of other worlds. Wouldn't that make him just the 14-year-old depressed boy? If such a thing happens what would it make Shinji? Would he have to redefine his relationship with the world, and people?

What would make his relationship with Asuka?

No, he didn't need to assume such an impossible situation. What is, the relationship between him and Asuka, now?

Shinji put his elbows on the edge of the pool, leaned back and looked up at the wooden ceiling. He was fully aware that Asuka's 14 years were not normal years. Perhaps, objectively, he knew it better than Asuka herself. He was also aware of the fact that, even by the most pessimistic and conservative standard, he could not be considered a 14-year-old boy now. But... that still did not put them on the same standing, on the same age as they were before. Between the one who hasn't learned from experience and the one who has learned but not experienced, would there be a real imbalance in their dynamics? If there is, to which way would it be tilted? The question that has arisen several times past two weeks has once again risen and disturbed him.

And, as always was the case with this particular question, Shinji's thoughts once again shifted to Kaworu Nagisa.

Kaworu, who had memories of different worlds, but who, most of the time, was physically younger than Shinji when they met, being born out of cloning. The relationship between the two, so tilted to the point it was futile to deny the existence of such an imbalance. The love, Kaworu gave him. Was it something acceptable? To give such a thing? Was it acceptable, to accept it? And, while it wasn't completely the same, he thought if there's one thing he could even compare to him and Asuka's relationship it was him and Kaworu's relationship. Then, would the answers to those questions also imply something to him and Asuka's unconventional situation?

Shinji wondered if Kaworu ever thought about this. He had plenty of time, at least. Shinji didn't know if he actually did it or not. People who, no, entities who delved too deeply into the technology of the First Ancestral Race were not entirely exposed even to Shinji's power he obtained in Anti-Universe. Examples were mother, Kaworu, Mari, and the being, or beings, that could only be described as a black shadow in the middle of an otherwise fully explored world because he probably never met them throughout the whole possible universes. Such entities were observable only indirectly, so to observe Kaworu he had to bring up his memory of interacting with him, unlike so many other people he had direct access to their headspace. Similar to the way scientists observed a black hole.

And that was why Shinji couldn't even have a fair guess at where Kaworu would be or what he would be doing now. Did he really find peace? Shinji wasn't so sure of that now as he was before. He still vividly remembered the night he fell to the forest nearby, escaping Anti Universe. The moment he was reunited with Asuka. And her looks. A gaunt face, eyes, shaking with shock and distrust, and a deep dark shadow beneath them. Hair, noticeably knotted here and there, disheveled. Tears, deeply shook him because it was the first time he witnessed it with his own eyes, and because it was something he never even dreamed that he would be the cause of. If Asuka, someone he had an iron-clad conviction would be happy, was like that what guarantee did he have about Kaworu who he sent away with a similar thought?

Would he blame Shinji and regret everything like Asuka? Or, like Ayanami, would he be cold and distant and sadden Shinji by doing so? Maybe he would just smile and understand, say it's okay. Shinji felt his heart breaking apart, because the more he thought the more this scenario sounded likely. Unlike the two women whose essence was preserved in Evangelion, Kaworu was irrevocably cut out from this world through his death. He will continue his journey for nearly infinite times until the vacuum collapse comes, and Shinji, who was left behind here, would never be able to make up for his mistake if there really was a mistake.

"Kaworu, at least my hope was sincere, if anything. Please, remember that."

Shinji murmured and sighed. He was so immersed in his memories of Kaworu and memories of Kaworu that were not his, that he was only half aware of a scream that erupted from the direction of the locker room, and rushing footsteps that followed.

"Mimimimimimimister Ikari!"

The wooden sliding door rattled open to reveal a naked, skinny boy with a face of pure horror. It was Ryoji Kaji, who had monopolized this place until Shinji came, and after about two minutes of awkward shared bath left with some barely registered excuses just a minute ago. The scene was such a mixture of deja vu and weirdness that Shinji for a moment wondered if he was seeing other person's memory again. Perhaps in one of the many Katsuragi residences there was a case or two where that boy was standing in that position instead of Shinji or Asuka. But he never had this vivid imagery since the first few days, not to the point of this. He brushed away the sweat from his forehead, shaking his head, and blinked. Still, the surrounding area did not turn into Misato's house, and, above all, the stale moldy odor that pierced his nose reminded him that he indeed was in the public bathhouse of the Village-3. Shinji frowned ever so slightly. What did this boy see in the locker room to run away like this? This boy wasn't a skittish type, he knew that fairly well, and not like there was Penpen running around to freak kids out.

Shinji was smiling wryly at the memory of a now-gone friend when Kaji started to stutter. "Thethethethere's something weird in the locker room."

Shinji was about to ask what, but didn't have to. The weird thing in question appeared right behind the boy's shoulder.

"Hey, weird thing is a bit too harsh."

Ryoji Kaji shook visibly, red-faced, and shot a look that's pleading for deliverance to Shinji. Shinji just sighed.

"Ms. Makinami, what brings you here?"

A spark of light passed through Mari's eyes. "Because I have something to do with Mr. Ikari."

Shinji kept his face blank and nodded to Kaji. He disappeared in the direction of the locker room with eyes full of distrust, hands covering his groin. Soon, the sound of the wooden locker door slamming was heard, and some seconds later the sound of the front door followed.

Shinji closed his eyes and focused on his hearing. Only after the sound of footsteps from outside was sufficiently distant and the surrounding area became quiet he opened his eyes again, to Mari who was still standing at the entrance of the bath. "Hope you didn't sniff him."

Mari smiled, showing teeth. "It's only for special people."

Shinji swept away damp hair and laughed helplessly. "I suppose I should feel honored."

Leaning against the doorway, Mari folded her arms. "Maybe I should start considering it, though? At least it would look better than doing it to you. You're an old man now. He fits the age bracket better."

"Except for one inconvenient fact that you're actually older than his mother, even though you look like a high schooler."

"He doesn't know it yet, does he?"

"Of course he..." Shinji stopped, scrunching his forehead.

Mari nodded. "I mean, about his mother."

Shinji organized what little information he had in his head. "He thought he was an Impact orphan, Kensuke told me. He once asked Kensuke to put his name on the list for family search-and-reunion, thinking his parents would have returned at this point. Kensuke told the boy he would tell everything when he became an adult. I trust his judgment, but..."

Mari clicked her tongue. "Well, enough with the boy anyway, I don't think Princess would like it if I sniff on you."

The corners of Shinji's mouth rose slightly without him knowing it.

"There was a time when she burned you alive because you become too touchy with me. I'd advise you to be careful."

Mari frowned at that. "Well, one or two out of the infinite possibilities..."

Shinji shrugged and turned his head to the wall with the clock on it. 4:50 p.m. It was about time to get out, and Mari, who he was just about to go looking for, has kindly presented herself to this place for him. All the better.

"Is there no women's bath here?"

Shinji turned his head to Mari again. "What?"

Mari, who was looking inside the bath pulled her head out to the other side and peered in the direction of the locker room. "I don't see women's bath."

"Ah, it is, every other day. Tomorrow it's a women's bath. Today it's a men's bath. Everyone went to Kredit loading dock, though, so I'm using this place all for myself."

Mari nodded, slowly. "I'm coming from there. Knew you'd be alone here. The boy was a surprise. Are you avoiding people on purpose?"

Shinji frowned a bit. It was true that he felt uncomfortable around people, like with the boy that left earlier, but... "No, I didn't intentionally pick a quiet day to come here."

"Is there any other reason, then?"

Pretty silly reason, Shinji thought, standing up with a smirk. It was about time to get down to business. Mari shamelessly gazed at him and grinned.

"Princess is eating well, I see."

Shinji picked up a towel that he put on the edge of the bathtub and wrapped it around his waist. "I try my best. Not sure if she's satisfied, though. Her appetite is robust enough at least."

As Shinji left the bath and walked the short hallway to the changing room, Mari followed behind at one step distance. "If there's a problem it's not the ingredient's fault, I'm sure."

Was it? Shinji wasn't quite sure about that. Instead of replying, he opened the locker door, removed the pile of clothes he had taken off earlier, took out a large backpack that was hidden underneath it and put it on the floor. A heavy thump rang. He opened the zipper to reveal 1.5L PET bottles full of water. He took one out, turned the lid open and sipped directly from it. Mari watched the whole thing with curiosity. "A bag full of water, huh? What's the deal with that?"

Shinji wiped his lips with the back of his hand and put the bottle back in the bag. "I'm taking it home. Got a problem with water. I think the pipe is frozen. Had a fight with Asuka over it, even."

Mari scratched the back of her head at that. "Fight? Why? Cold weather isn't anyone's fault."

Shinji let out a small sigh and put his hand deep into the bag. "You're right, but forgetting to leave the faucet open after using them is."

Sound of huh, came out of Mari's mouth. "And who's fault was that?"

Shinji felt a cold sensation at the tip of his hand. Holding the object he was looking for with his fingers, Shinji smiled wryly. "Try a guess, will you."

Marie giggled. "So the whole house is out of water? Both the bathroom and the kitchen?"

"Yeah, yesterday was her turn on dishwashing. And she was the one to take a shower later, too, but," Shinji frowned slightly. "I've spent the whole morning looking for a frozen spot, after Asuka left for work I mean, and I couldn't narrow it down. Both cold and hot water is out. Nothing suspicious on exposed pipes. Maybe the ones in the wall or the ground got frozen? I have no idea. I didn't know what to do with the boiler so I haven't even touched that. I tried turning on the heater but the gas limit is strict, and the wood stove is never enough to heat the whole place. At this point I'm not even sure if it's the house's problem, could be the water meter down the hill. I'm not sure if it's Asuka's fault either. I don't have a clue. I've never dealt with this kind of thing anyway."

"Never? Isn't there any case to refer to?"

Shinji frowned at that. "My head is not some kind of an encyclopedia. Unless it's something that left a deep impression it doesn't, say, float up clean and concrete on call. In this case if I lose my concentration even for a moment I suddenly find myself in, like, empty convenience stores and such. I must be subconsciously connecting post-Impact cold snap with scavenging experiences, probably."

"Hey, that's more complicated than I thought. And interesting. You should have told me earlier."

If you tell me everything you went through in the contact experiment you did with my mother, then I would tell you my story all, Shinji almost said. That specific time was such a huge hole in his encyclopedia, with three huge black holes in the form of his mother, Mari, and one unknown entity.

Instead of saying that, Shinji picked up the scissors he found in the bag and stood up. "Be that as it may, I was just planning to go looking for you."

Mari raised her eyebrows, eyeing his hand. "Why?"

Shinji lifted the scissors to eye level and shook them a bit. "To borrow your words, preparing the ingredients. I need your help on that."

Mari looked genuinely bewildered. "What?"

Shinji wanted to laugh at the sight. Sometimes it was refreshing to see such a look on that almost infuriatingly smug and cheery face. "Asuka hates my hair. Told me to go and ask you to cut my hair, says you always did it for her before."

Mari folded her arms. "I've never had a chance to try man's hair before. And you, your hair isn't that long anyway, there won't be many ways to touch it unless you want me to cut it really short. Is that what she wants?"

"She didn't specify, actually," Shinji thought for a moment. "I don't think she'll like it too short, though...?"

Mari sighed and turned her head to a mirror mounted on one wall.

"You guys are pretty settled already, I see."

Mari said, after spending about two minutes combing through Shinji's hair with fingers with one hand and holding the scissors with the other. Shinji looked up in his chair at Mari's face in the mirror. "What?"

"Reunited for two weeks, and already having a petty fight. That's what I meant." With that, Mari put her fingers in Shinji's side hair and measured the hair that passed through her fingers. She sighed. "Too short."

Shinji shrugged his shoulders. "It wasn't a real fight anyway. I was frustrated, must have shown it a bit, unintentionally, mind you. Asuka didn't like it, showing, eh, some displeasure. Few words exchanged about that, and, that was all. Not like we screamed at each other or something. Maybe I shouldn't have called it a fight at all."

Mari started to fiddle with the top of his hair. "Some displeasure, huh? How did Princess show, this, displeasure?"

"Oh, that..." Mari tilted her head in the mirror. Shinji felt heat rising in his ears. "She refused to kiss me when she left for work."

Mari stopped moving her hands and burst into laughter. Her nails poked in on the top of his head. "It's cute, but, I wouldn't call not kissing your," she guffawed again. "hubby nothing."

Shinji shook his head slightly and shook off Mari's hands. "That's not serious by Asuka's standards, though. There was a time when she mounted on top of me and stuffed my mouth with rations. Some of my teeth got loose, shook for weeks after that."

Making a hmmmm sound, Mari put her hand in Shinji's hair and cut off a handful, making Shinji tremble slightly at the cold sound of a snip. "When and where did that happen?"

Something cold that was at the same time seething hot crept through the back of Shinji's throat. "In this village. A few months ago. To me."

Mari's hand stopped. Shinji looked in the mirror and saw himself staring hard. He swallowed once and looked away. An uncomfortable silence fell for a moment, with only the sound of the scissors to fill the void.

"I didn't imply anything. It was just a question." Mari said, turning Sinji's head sightly sideway with her hands. Shinji closed his eyes and bit his lower lip.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Silence fell again, same as before with only the sound of scissors ringing. Mari seemed to have finally decided the direction, quickly and without hesitation cutting Shinji's side hair. After the sixth cut Mari broke the silence again.

"You'll get used to it, sooner than you think. Living outside of the usual timeline. If you have any concerns, any worries, you can tell me. I have quite an experience about such things."

A corner of Shinji's mouth went up slightly. His eyes remained closed. "I don't think our problems are the same."

"I'd say it has some similarity."

How am I supposed to know if you don't tell me, why do you expect me to tell you my story when you don't, Shinji wanted to say, but kept his silence. Mari turned Shinji's head to the opposite direction. "I think it would be best if you just don't mind."

Shinji opened his eyes. Mari, in the mirror, was looking at Shinji's head, avoiding Shinji's eyes. "What?"

"Just, things like that. How different you are from others. It's not even a big deal, if you think about it. So what if you saw some things in Anti Universe. If you really are different, like, for example, if you knew everything about Princess, you wouldn't have fought over stupid little thing like you did today and piss her off. The fact that you did means you're more normal than you think."

"I know everything about Asuka."

Mari's eyes turned to Shinji's in the mirror. It had this faint smile, different from her usual smirk, which rubbed him the wrong way, almost offending him. He made a face and stared hard against that. Mari laughed at that again. "Really?"

Shinji said nothing and looked away. Mari stayed still for a while, then pushed Shinji's head, making him look like he was bowing down to the mirror. Soon she started to cut off his backside hair.

Once again, silence fell and only the sound of scissors rang out. After about a minute Mari took her hands off his head. He was starting to wonder how much she was cutting his already not-so-long hair. He looked up. Mari was wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of the hand that was holding the scissors. "This is more work than I thought."

Shinji sighed slightly. "I'm sorry. Come to think of it, I owe you so many favors but never paid back."

"Yeah, you definitely owe some things. This one is not a big deal, though. Did you know there was a time I was genuinely angry with you?"

That, sparked Shinji's curiosity, a lot. He looked up at Mari in the mirror. "When was that?"

Mari's smile was so huge corners of her mouth threatened to touch her ears. "Your mom used to bring you to the lab often. One day, we had an important result coming in from the Hamburg facility, and the only fax we had was in the next room, so everyone including your mother and father was over there, no one to change your..."

Shinji quickly raised his hand. "I don't think I need to hear this."

Mari laughed out aloud. Shinji couldn't resist laughing along. The silence that soon sank again was not something as tense or uncomfortable as before. Once again, only the scissor echoed in the locker room.

In that silence, Shinji thought about what Mari said earlier. No matter how much he thought about it, he found himself couldn't agree with Mari on that. In the moment, and at the same time the eternity he spent in Anti Universe he read everything. Except, of course, some very few obscured beings. He already knew the answer. To everything. Even if he failed to reach the answer sometimes, that was more of a matter of his performance, not the said answer itself. He could fail, but that did not mean the answer itself was wrong or nonexistent. Yes, a performance issue. He knew what to do and how to do it, he just wasn't skilled enough to always pull that.

In the midst of such a conclusion, one thing that he had forgotten so far came to mind belatedly. Shinji almost jerked his head up. Mari pressed him down again with a firm grip. "What's wrong? Did I cut you?"

"Didn't you say you had a business with me?"

He heard Mari gasp. Next moment she grabbed Shinji's temple with both hands and raised his head straight. "Right, I forgot!"

Shinji tried to turn his head to her, but Mari wouldn't let go and brought the scissors down to his forehead at a frightening speed. Shinji winced a little. "What is it?"

"Today's rationing."

Shinji, caught in Mari's grasp, nodded as much as he could under such a situation. Today was the day of regular distribution from Kredit, and Asuka was at work from the morning since as the local Wille liaison officer she was the nominal commander of the unloading work. The actual work was, according to her, done by villagers and working-level staff that would come with the convoy, but nonetheless, she had to be present. The whole town has been waiting for today, with the clothing, fuel, and food stock situation becoming ever more critical.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"The commander's here, too. Came with the convoy."

Funnily enough, it was the face of his father that came first to Shinji's mind. Next was Misato. Only a moment later did Shinji recall that the person Mari referred was Ritsuko Akagi. Shinji frowned a little. "I guess it was a matter of time."

Shinji and Mari's return was reported immediately on the day of their said return, but Wille was apparently too busy with the final confirmation of the Christmas Treaty and various follow-up measures, and Shinji didn't hear from Akagi except for brief reporting and confirmations he did at Toji's hospital the day after his return. Since then Shinji has forgotten everything about Wille and Akagi because his own mind was in turmoil with Asuka's business. But it couldn't have been the same over there, he supposed. Now that she's managed to intimidate Texas and taken care of the most urgent things, his turn must have come.

"You and I have to coordinate our stories! The curse and such! I came here to talk about that!"

Shinji narrowed his eyes, looking at Mari through the mirror. "Wouldn't it be okay to just tell her everything I know? It's not that big of a deal. You participated in the E project as a graduate student, the project that was ostensibly led by Professor Kozo Fuyutsuki. Exposed to the curse after an unknown accident. Since the mechanism of your exposure was different with me, Asuka, Ayanami, it was not fixed even with the restoration of the world."

Indeed, this was all Shinji knew. That specific time and place were so full of people who had become deeply immersed in the First Ancestral Race's technology at some point in their life it was really hard for him to peer into and gauge exactly what has happened then and there. You could call it an exceptionally high density of black holes, Shinji thought.

Mari hurriedly cut Shinji's bangs. Shinji, seeing what was being done to his hair in the mirror, opened his mouth to protest but she was faster. "I wasn't there, officially. The records have been wiped out thoroughly. I think she has her suspicion, but if you confirm it like that she definitely will start to question me about her mother, something I can't disclose at this stage."

Commander Akagi's mother? Shinji frowned. Maybe she was one of the dark holes that existed in Shinji's memories of that time. Was she one of the researchers? He had some general idea about what his mother was like, because he was aware of her existence and that gave him some idea of where to look in other people's memories. Just like he could still see Kaworu in indirect ways. But this person was probably out of his realm of acquaintance. So, one of the old researchers I wasn't aware. Shinji concluded quickly. What does Mari want to hide? But then again, he didn't even want to ask. He was sick of these Evangelion related secrets that seemingly had no end. And above all, nothing would change at this point, regardless of him knowing those things or not. So, he replied accordingly.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell her you couldn't get close to it, like a, like a giant shroud or something was blocking you. Or tell her you didn't fully understand what you were doing, that you just vaguely wished for the world to be restored."

Shinji clicked his tongue. "If getting dissected by Akagi is what you want leave me out of..."

Mari grabbed Shinji's front hair urgently and put scissors there, as if declaring that she wouldn't hear from him anymore. "She would've sent someone by now. The latter sounds better. That you didn't understand what was going on, tell her you don't know anything about me. I've been avoiding her so far but I have to make my own report soon and,"

Then a few things happened at the same time. The sliding door of the bathhouse opened with a loud noise. Mari's hand jerked, cutting away half of Shinji's bangs. Shinji, seeing that, tried to open his mouth in dismay. Then the second sliding door to the locker room opened with a bang.

"Mr. Ikari! Is Mr. Ikari here? Oh, Major Makinami! Have you seen Mr. Ikari?"

The girlish voice, with the kind of subtle awkwardness that was trying its best at hiding dialect but was still noticeable to experienced ears, rang loudly from the front door.

Shinji clenched his teeth at the sight of his hair in the mirror. Mari's last move left it cut obliquely all the way to the base of his forehead. He just couldn't possibly turn his attention to the front door. Not in a million worlds Asuka would like this. "I think we should fix this."

Sakura Suzuhara's face in the mirror sparked noticeably with curiosity. "Hello, sir. Are you one of the returnees? I don't think I've seen you in the village before the last deployment."

Shinji restrained his irritation that was slowly beginning to rise and turned his eyes to Sakura. It wasn't her fault, anyway. Looking at her green Wille parka, the same one Mari and Asuka wore today, he considered the way to introduce himself and not surprise her too much. At that short moment Mari intervened and opened her mouth first.

"Yeah, sort of. Mister? This is Sakura Suzuhara, Lieutenant of Wille Armed Force. Cute, don't you think? Quite popular with young soldiers."

Shinji laughed even though he didn't feel like laughing. He concluded it wouldn't be too bad if he played along for a bit. "I can see that."

Seeing the slight flush on Sakura's cheek, Shinji recalled the fact he was sitting with only a towel around his waist. What a sight he's providing, he thought.

"Oh, oh... Do you have a family in the village, sir? Is that why you came here?"

Mari opened her mouth first, again. "He doesn't. But he has a woman he lives together. Someone you already know, lieutenant. Do you want to guess?"

Shinji felt a slight heat rising on his face. Maybe that gave the wrong signal to Sakura, because her eyes widened at that. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Wow! I thought you weren't interested in... I'm sorry, major."

Now this was becoming weird, Shinji decided. "It's not her, Ms. Sakura. Not that it's important right now. You were looking for me. Why?"

"Huh?" Sakura's eyes narrowed, then widened again, and her whole body froze. Mari burst out laughing.

Sakura was silent while heading to the graveyard where Commander Akagi was waiting for Shinji. The only sound they made was the squeak their feet made on the dirty snow that melted under traffic and froze again. Crisp, cold air dried up Shinji's nostrils.

Sakura, while saying not a word, repeatedly glanced at Shinji. One time the gaze stayed longer than usual, and Shinji pretended to fix his backpack strap and turned his head to her. She hurriedly turned her head forward, making him smile wryly.

"Congratulations. Now you're a first lieutenant, right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, thank you..." Shinji felt a strange sorrow at the sight of her blushing and shy smile. There were missed opportunities, and there were opportunities that did not exist from the beginning. There was nothing he could do about the latter of someone others when he himself was barely dealing with his former.

The short exchange ended like that, and the two walked in silence again. From where he was walking, over the sea of snow-covered slate roofs to the direction of the center of the valley, he could see elevated cranes busily moving with a roaring sound. The trucks, or villagers and Wille personnel that would be unloading cargoes from them were not seen from this angle, but the noises they were making were unmistakable. Asuka said she would probably have to work until late night, overseeing the unloading work and the whole preparation for tomorrow's distribution. At this rate today will be the longest separation between the two since his return. He didn't know what to feel about that fact. They were stuck together for the past few days, both literally and figuratively.

"Mr. Ikari."

It was a strangely hoarse voice. Shinji stopped and turned to Sakura. She was looking forward, not meeting his eyes. "Are you willing to come back by any chance? I mean, to Wille."

Shinji frowned. "Coming back means someone once belonged to the place before. I was never a part of Wille."

"Oh. Yeah. You're right."

They resumed pace. After an awkward silence of about five steps, Shinji opened his mouth again. "Even if I go, I won't have anything to do."

Sakura stopped abruptly. Shinji stopped one step ahead and looked back with slightly narrowed eyes. Sakura frowned, slouching a bit.

"If the commander..." Sakura closed her mouth and gulped. Her eyes adamantly refused to meet Shinji's. He shook his head at that.

"I don't think you should say more about this, lieutenant. I know what's going on. Or at least I have a fairly good idea."

Sakura looked up eyes widening. Shinji smiled bitterly at the sight. "And, you don't have to worry about that."

Sakura opened her mouth slightly, closed it again, and nodded.

The two kept silent until they reached the graveyard.

The graveyard for the Wille crews that were killed in the last campaign against NERV was built by demolishing and recycling parts of the old railway fence. Unlike the last time he came here the place was covered with white snow, and he couldn't see rusting tracks and rotting wooden sleepers that passed right next to the graveyard fence. He wondered briefly if they would need to move the graveyard when the time to rebuild the infrastructures come.

There were about ten bodyguards, all dressed in black suits, posted both in and out of the graveyard fence. Shinji and Sakura were walking toward the two that were standing side by side at the entrance. They stood still while the two passed them, but Shinji was sure they were looking at him under their black sunglasses.

Ritsuko Akagi, the current commander of Wille, was standing in front of her predecessor's grave. The green parka -the same military-issued one Mari, Asuka, and Sakura wore- she wore was unzipped, flapping wildly at cold gusts. She slowly turned back to them as they reached about five steps distance from her. Brown eyebrows drew under short, cropped yellow hair.

"Shinji Ikari,"

Shinji stopped right where he was. Sakura followed suit. He opened his mouth with a forced smile. "Commander,"

Sharp green eyes fixed on Shinji. He knew in his head what kind of person this Ritsuko Akagi was, but this was the first time he was exposed in person to the kind of gaze she had. Things were different from before. He was no longer a child-pilot who she never had a reason to be wary about. Under the gaze that seemed to break him up and analyze him, with even a hint of potential hostility, Shinji kept a calm face and smiled. He so desperately wanted to swallow because his throat was dry as sand, but he held it in, not showing any kind of weakness. After agonizing seconds where he started to feel he could no longer hold anymore, something that barely amounted to a smile formed on Akagi's lips.

"You remind me of your father. Though I have to say he had a better standard in personal grooming, unbelievable as it is. Is that how you imagined yourself?"

Sakura covered her mouth, shaking visibly. She couldn't completely stop her giggle, though. Shinji was almost dreading Asuka's reaction at this point, if Akagi of all people would be like this. But when he shrugged his shoulders he managed to look somewhat uncaring. "No, commander. I didn't come out like this. I'm just trying a different style."

Akagi turned to Sakura. "You can go, lieutenant. Have a good vacation."

Sakura Suzuhara stood upright and saluted. As Akagi nodded slightly, Sakura turned with her heel and moved away.

Shinji gazed at Akagi without turning his eyes toward Sakura's receding steps. Soon, a trace of a smile hanging on Akagi's lips disappeared abruptly as if they had been washed away. He was expecting it to happen, but nonetheless he was still intimidated by such a sudden shift.

"I have to confess that I don't know what to make of you." Akagi made a slight gesture with that remark, so Shinji walked closer to her. She turned halfway to Misato's grave, looking down at the tombstone. How would she know? He himself didn't know what to make of himself. He kept his mouth shut, stood next to Akagi and looked down at Misato's grave.

This was the third time he came here. He felt an ache in his chest. He recollected his short yet eternally long memories with Misato in silence.

Akagi glanced at him, and turned her eyes to Misato's grave again. "You know how she died, don't you?"

Shinji nodded. "I know. I would never have succeeded without her sacrifice."

"Succeeded," Akagi turned again and looked sideways at Shinji. "You succeeded in eliminating the effects of Evangelion contamination from Asuka. Why did you fail in Makinami's case?"

Shinji clenched his teeth slightly. She was more straightforward to the point than he expected. He felt sympathy for all the people who had to deal with her. "I don't know, commander. There was a limit to what I could do. Just look around and you'll know."

And that was the absolute truth. He wasn't lying about this.

If Shinji could have done everything he wanted, without any restrictions, he wouldn't have made a world where he could cook less than half the kinds of dishes for Asuka than he could have done under the tight and not so plentiful budget of Katsuragi residence. He wouldn't have made her sleep in a cold house where they lacked gas for heating and a wood stove must be put out before sleep for the fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. He wouldn't have made himself worried every time if it was a disappointment he was seeing from her eyes after he collapsed, unable to hold out more than a few minutes.

"If your goal is to make Makinami dissected, you're doing a stellar job."

Shinji had to hold back laughter. "Surely she's still worth keeping alive, commander."

Akagi turned to Shinji. Shinji also looked up and faced her eyes squarely. Looking at the seemingly expressionless eyes, he wondered if he had chosen the wrong approach. Akagi was a person who feared and loathed something that was beyond her control, something unknown. No one loved those things, but Akagi's aversion to them was exceptional. He was fairly aware of that.

Akagi's eyes narrowed and then returned to Misato's grave. "How about your worth, Shinji?"

That was unexpected, letting Mari problem go like that. Instead, the part which Sakura tried to warn him was coming, he thought.

"It would depend on the person. For you, commander? Close to zero, probably."

Akagi tilted her head slightly. "You don't have to be so defensive. And no, you have some worth to me. To Wille. If you're worried about being separated from Asuka, you're making a mistake. I wouldn't separate people from their loved ones, why would I? As commander-in-chief, I could provide you with special wavers on top of married enlisted personnel privileges. Same field assignment, shared dormitory, rationing privileges you couldn't even dream of in this village. A single signature from me and you'll have it all. All I'm asking in return is..."

"Piloting Eva. But how will you let me pilot Evangelion that doesn't even exist, commander?"

If his words took her by surprise she hardly showed it. Even Shinji, who had been waiting for such a clue from the start, barely saw it. "We're building one now. Even as we speak the construction is going smoothly. We have secured almost all old NERV facilities except a few, after all. You don't need to worry about the logistics side."

She would have fooled anyone. She would have fooled him. But he came with the answer sheet in his back pocket, little did she know. He almost laughed at such a bald-faced lie. "You make it sound so easy, commander."

Again, she didn't show a noticeable reaction, but her confusion was palpable in her silence. The voice that soon followed also had a trace of something Shinji was both familiar and not familiar at the same time, a panic she showed when the battle against Angels didn't pan out as she expected. "I had my suspicion, but how?"

Shinji kept his mouth closed. Akagi's green eyes shook ever slightly. "How did you do that? The records, memories, they're all the same, but the result is a failure every single time. Even the most basic cell division process doesn't work when it comes to Evangelion building. It's impossible."

"I don't know why you're surprised at magical phenomenon when you majored and spent your whole life in a field that's named metaphysics."

Akagi's eyes narrowed, wrinkles forming around them. "If it's a spell you cast, you can also un-cast it, right?"

Shinji shook his head. "One of the few things I can say with absolute confidence, commander, is that I can't turn it back even if I want to."

Akagi's revealed her teeth slightly, showing real emotion for the first time today. "You fool!"

Shinji looked around. The bodyguards were close enough to hear such a raised voice, but no one acted like they heard anything. Perhaps because of Shinji's motion Akagi took a step closer and lowered her voice.

"It's a world full of wolves, this world you created. Wille European force is showing signs of factionalization, personnel from old Euro NERV becoming the catalyst. I can't control them forever. Not to mention the absolute mess that is the Middle East. No, we don't even have to go that far, you'd like some closer examples, wouldn't you? How about the Korean Peninsula? They're already fighting a war over there. No one even knows what's happening in inland China. And Texas," She raised her hand and pointed to a crane, spinning in the center of the town. "Why do you think they capitulated this time? They were scared because their own little Evangelion project kept failing. There was nothing more than that."

Shinji smiled bitterly. "Maybe you should take comfort in the fact that they have no more chance of success than you do."

"Only Evangelion could bring peace and stability. You think you did a good job, I can see it from your face. Would you smirk the way you do after this little village is burned to the ground and a gang of thugs comes in claiming themselves rulers and breaking you and Asuka's little peace? Do you even know what happened to pretty young things like your Asuka in Texan Civil War?"

Shinji stared at Akagi, heat rising in his throat. Something from his face must have caught her off guard, for she closed her mouth and averted her gaze. "Sorry. That was pointless."

Nodding slightly, Shinji turned his face to Misato's grave again.

For some time the noise of a crane from afar was the only sound he could hear in the uncomfortable silence that fell. The noise vaguely reminded him of the time he visited Ayanami's apartment.

Akagi, after quite a long time, breathed out a deep sigh. "I'm glad you two ended up together. Believe it or not. Misato would have been exhilarated."

"Did Misato know? And you, commander?"

"She was the one who told me. Asuka was trying to cook for you and Misato caught it, I heard."

Did she? He didn't know. If he dug out Asuka or Misato's memory he would find it, he figured, but that wasn't something he was comfortable with. Something he wanted to refrain from.

Commander Akagi reached out and gently swept the snow off the wooden cross. "Misato and I, we both lived not knowing what ordinary life is. It would be pointless to even speculate when exactly things went wrong. What's important is that such a chance is lost forever, at least to us." with a melancholic voice, she gripped the cross.

Shinji had nothing to say about that. He didn't know what was a proper and natural response for Shinji Ikari who, ostensibly, didn't know Akagi too well. So he just nodded weakly.

"You're dismissed."

She said with eyes on the far side, to the direction of the village where the work was in full swing. Or to some point in the past that would not come back now.

Shinji turned and left without a word.

It was a little bit after sunset that Shinji returned to their house, to the isolated home of the two, alone on the quiet hill that was located right on the border of the forest and the village. Asuka would be late as she said, he would have to eat dinner alone, so he figured he could spend some time having a walk around the border of the village, to clear his troubled mind. On the way back he saw the lights of the house were on, and white steam flowing out of the kitchen vent. Thinking he might have made a mistake, he picked up a pace and climbed the hill.

As he opened the door Shinji had to suppress a groan at the state of the house. Small and large paper bags and boxes were littered everywhere from the entrance to the sliding door that led to the kitchen-living room, some of them opened, some not. And it wasn't just the sight alone that dismayed him. The smell flowing over the half-opened sliding door had that characteristic sting of rice that just had begun to burn. It seemed Asuka tried her hands at cooking since Shinji wasn't home, he figured.

"Asuka, I'm home."

There was no answer. Shinji shook his feet roughly to shake off the snow and mud attached to the soles, and then bent down to take off his shoes. As he walked to the kitchen, he looked at the boxes scattered on the floor and saw clothes and various industrial goods, all with Kredit marks on its packagings. If he knew it would be this much he would've gone to her and helped her bring them, he thought as he opened the sliding door.

Shinji was somewhat expecting the scene that would unfold in front of him. A steaming pot on the range, it wasn't surprising at all. A rice cooker that was on the -fortunately- turned-off spot right next to it, it wasn't a surprise either. They were all things he noticed by smell even before he saw them. Boxes that were scattered on the table and the kitchen counter, they were also within the realm of expected things. Asuka, right in front of the sink, turned her back this way, fiddling with something unseen. That was, of course, expected, too. No one else could have done all this.

What Shinji didn't expect was Asuka's state of dress. An apron, with just a blue bra and shorts that almost showed her cheeks under that. The heating was on, he noticed it from the moment he set foot on the house, but it wasn't nearly warm enough to justify such a dress. Was she trying to show off to Shinji? Then something clicked in his mind. Something he -shamefully- remembered while his walk after the meeting with Akagi. Asuka and Misato's encounter, shortly before the horrific Unit-3 incident.

Shinji, with an aching heart, slowly crossed the kitchen threshold, with a drying-up throat. Her well-defined erector spinae muscle and the creamy long legs kept attracting his eyes and caused uncomfortable reactions on his lower body, but he had no reason to be nervous. This was a natural part of Shinji's life now, something that was willingly given to him. No, he shouldn't be nervous. Asuka was a grown-up woman and had her own expectations of her man. And those expectations were not limited to something sexual. He shouldn't lose his words and freeze like a 14-year-old boy now. That would disappoint her, something he had done too many times. He wasted too many chances with her he couldn't afford even a single mistake from now on. He reminded those facts to his uncooperating legs and willed them forward. He cleared his throat once, took off his backpack and put it down on the table chair, and slowly opened his mouth. Fortunately, as was always the case for the past two weeks, his voice hid his nervousness pretty well.

"So you fixed the water too?"

Asuka's shoulder tensed and stopped moving. A thud of something falling down in the sink followed. She let out a sigh. "Don't sneak up on me, alright? Announce yourself when you're home like a proper Japanese."

"I did. You just didn't hear it."

Asuka just snorted at that, without an actual reply. Shinji looked around, thinking she must be still angry. A large glass bottle that sat in the middle of clutter on the table caught his eyes. The bottle was transparent, and was fat in the middle. It was full of something thumb-sized, wrapped in white paper. The lid was made of the same glass, and attached to it by a small string were origamis of a white cat and a black cat rubbing each other's forehead with their own.

"What's this, Asuka?"

"Chocolate." Asuka said, still not looking his way.

Shinji lifted the cat decoration once and put it back. "Is this a part of rationing?"

Asuka turned on the water and started to rinse something. Shinji smiled slightly as she stubbornly not looked at him.

"I don't think so. I don't think I saw chocolate on any of the general distribution lists. That thing was Akagi's parting gift before she sent me off early."

Rationing privileges you couldn't even dream of, he recalled. He could only imagine the trouble of producing such a thing and transporting it all the way to Japan in the current world. And if Akagi handed those things to Asuka...

"Asuka, did she say something to you?"

Asuka turned off the water, lifted up what she had been rinsing and placed it on a plate next to the range. It looked like a fish, but there was so little shape left the thing just looked like a heap of reddish flesh to the point you couldn't even tell what kind of fish it was. He thought for a moment that maybe that was the way it was distributed, filleted in a factory or something, but the shape was too off.

"Nothing of note. Why?"

While slightly relieved by that, Shinji stepped forward with a newly rising concern that was as severe as the previous one. "Asuka, what is that thing?"

"Mackerel. Got it today, going to grill..." Asuka froze as she turned while shaking off the water from her hands. Shinji was confused by this totally unexpected response and stopped on the spot. Asuka's whole face contorted and...

She burst into a fit of laughter

Shinji finally remembered the condition of his hair and smiled awkwardly. "Is it that bad?"

Asuka couldn't even answer properly and leaned over, covering her face with one hand. She winced so much the apron and bra's straps started to fall down on one shoulder. Shinji took a step quickly and held Asuka, genuinely thinking she would collapse to the ground if left alone. She put her forehead on Shinji's shoulder and began to tap his chest. She was stronger than she looked, her arms were well muscled-something he was feeling right now under his grips- and every hit knocked the wind out of him. But he didn't complain and just buried his face on top of her head.

Her scent rushing through his nose, the sound of her laughter tickling his ears, the warmth radiating out of her trembling body in his arms, and the pleasant stiffness of his groin, all of those things overwhelmed his senses and for a moment he completely forgot all the complicated memories that occupied his head. Thanks to those strong sensations Shinji was Shinji and no one else, he was here and nowhere else, completely grounded down to this place and time. In his heightened sense he thought of Akagi's words. What a pretentious and arrogant, backhanded compliment it was. There was nothing ordinary about what he was feeling now. It was the most special thing in the universe and he wouldn't trade this with measly Evangelion or anything else for that matter. It was the chance he almost threw away once, the chance that was given again miraculously. He suppressed a manic impulse to crush Asuka in his embrace and shout gibberish on the top of his lungs. Instead he gently caressed her back.

Asuka finally stopped laughing and looked up at him, reaching out to his hair. Her hand stank of fish. She put her fingers through what little hair that left on his forehead and grinned. Her eyes were full of mischief and joy, something he rarely saw from them, something he wished to see them more in the future.

"Did you do this on purpose? To make me laugh?"

Shinji smiled wryly. "Of course not. I'm bad at jokes, you know that."

For some reason Asuka seemed to like that very much, burying her face in Shinji's chest and bursting into laughter again. Shinji waited until her laughter died down again.

"So I'm going to eat your food today."

Asuka did not respond for a while, then raised her eyes, rubbing her cheek against Shinji's chest in the process. The eyes had some strange longings on them. "Yeah."

Shinji held Asuka's waist right on her bare skin and lowered his hands further down, trying his best to suppress all the anxiety and self-doubt that started to rise the moment he thought up this attempt, the attempt to joke away the potentially heavy topic. He hoped against hope this was not a mistake. "Is this on the menu too?"

Asuka shuddered slightly. "No," Asuka then turned her gaze away. "No, I mean, that's not why I'm dressed like this..."

Shinji pondered for a moment. What would it be a natural response? Ask her, inquire more? What could he do to make her feel better while still keeping her unaware that he knows why she's doing this, that she was trying her missed chance this time?

Then, another thought crossed his mind.

Wasn't this whole thing simply a deception? Tricking her and manipulating her, measuring her with something she doesn't know?

Shinji's body stiffened. Asuka must have felt everything since they were stuck together. She looked up at Shinji with curious eyes, then smiled shyly, blushing. "It is on the menu. Don't be worried."

Shinji let out a dry laugh. "Yeah."

Asuka rubbed her legs on his, intention very clear. "What a filthy pervert."

Shinji pulled her waist tenderly. "Don't complain to me. Brat's got his own head."

"Yeah, he definitely has a head. Don't know if he actually thinks with it, though."

Shinji turned his head toward the sink. Asuka's eyes were slowly sinking in thoughts again, and he wanted to come up with a new subject quickly.

"How did you fix the water?"

Light returned to Asuka's eyes. "Plumbers and special equipment came with the convoy. I brought them. They didn't even bother to look around for frozen spots and whatnots, just opened the faucets and shoot steam on pipes. And that was just it."

"What if they freeze again?"

"They're leaving the equipment behind. And some of the village's men were designated for training in the next few days."

"Well, I guess that would be enough."

Then there was a moment of silence. Shinji raised a hand and gently caressed Asuka's fuzz behind her neck. Asuka burst into laughter and tapped Shinji on the chest. "Don't. You keep reminding me that and I'll start to want to shave them, and I'll bleed to death in the process probably."

It was, in a sense, disappointing news. "So they don't make cartridge razors for good?"

"No, I mean, the Suzuhara girl said they're exclusively distributed to fleet crews."

"Then did you get it before? Do you happen to have anything piled up somewhere?"

Asuka shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not. I always took out the batteries from the supply package and threw the rest away."

Maybe he should join Wille after all, Shinji thought, while turning his eyes to the plate next to the range.

"Asuka, are you sure that's mackerel? Did it come like that?"

Asuka turned in Shinji's arms and pointed to the sink. "Yeah, it is. I mean, yeah it's mackerel but no, it didn't come like that. I think Kredit logistics system is pretty bad. It smelled really terrible, you know, and the outside part went so bad they were all brown, so I took those parts off and left only the pink part."

"What?" Shinji craned his neck forward, looking into the sink while holding Asuka. Blue skin and brown flesh were scattered everywhere in the sink. Shinji had to hold back the groan. "Asuka, mackerel is supposed to have..."

Asuka's body stiffened. "Shut up. Just eat what you're served." Then Asuka quickly got out of his arms, without giving him a chance to retort. "We're going to have dinner now. You clean the table. All that's left is grilling those."

"What if I want to have you first?" It was a bold mix of the lust that was sparked by her appearance, her feels on his skin, and her scents, and the boldness he cultivated over the past week. He was still somewhat nervous as he reached out and grabbed her, so the sound of her giggle was an immense reassurance to him. The reassurance which quickly faded away by the unfamiliar feelings on his fingertips.

Asuka tilted her head and poked her own breasts. "Uh-huh. The hook is on the front."

That's just perfect, Shinji thought, biting his lips. "Is that a thing? Front hook?"

"Yeah, I got it today. And don't you even try. I know the Sun would rise again by the time you unhook it yourself. Later. After I wash. I didn't shower today because of that damn pipes."

Shinji bowed his head and pecked Asuka's shoulder. "But I like the way you smell, Asuka."

"...do I smell?"

So this was it, he finally made a slip, he thought, almost panicking. "Everyone has a smell."

Asuka walked out of Shinji's arms again and looked back at Shinji with sharp eyes. "Now that's evasive. I was asking if it's more than the normal average range."

Shinji shrugged his shoulders because he honestly didn't know. "I don't know. I don't get sweaty with anyone else. And it's not like I'm sniffing around on people like someone we know."

Asuka stood with a completely unconvinced stare. Shinji shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Hey, what's the fuss? It was only a day. We were not soapy on our first either, remember?"

Asuka raised her finger with a straight face. "At that time, both of us, the point here being both of us, smelled like smoke, remember? It's different now. You went to the bathhouse and washed all you'd like, it's not fair."

At the end of the sentence, Asuka turned to turn off the gas range (Shinji briefly wondered how long did that, judging by the smell, miso soup boiled) and opened the cupboard, took out a frying pan, and put it on an empty spot on the range. She was oozing annoyance, and Shinji thought about a way to soothe her. Then he remembered the trick that other him loved to use.

The said trick once began as a sad mistake of childhood, became a shameful memory that both of them wanted to put behind, and eventually turned into a spousal in-joke that only the two understood.

Shinji walked to Asuka and hugged her from behind. Asuka looked back at Shinji with an irritated face. "I said no!"

"Asuka, do you want to kiss me?"

Asuka closed her eyes, clenched her teeth once, and opened her eyes again. "After bath. If you're that desperate go and get the bath water ready so I could dip in right after dinner. I'll clean the table."

Shinji was convinced that maintaining the original line would backfire. He had to adapt here. "If you're worried about the smell, cover my nose."

"What?"

Reaching out, Shinji grabbed Asuka's hand and put her index finger and thumb on his nose. Asuka looked away and sighed. "You're so persistent. Skipped one kiss in the morning and see how you're bugging me."

Shinji pressed Asuka's fingers to pinch his nose. When he opened his mouth, it was all nasally and ridiculous. "What is this nonsense? Kissing you in the morning would never make me not want to kiss you at night. I'd still want to kiss you even if we did in the morning."

Was it too corny? Shinji felt heat rising to his own face. Yes, that was too over the top. Fortunately Asuka just chuckled as if it was too ridiculous even to argue anymore. "How are you supposed to breathe?"

"I can't."

"Are you an idiot? Who kisses like that?"

Without a word, Shinji shook Asuka's hand that was holding his nose. Asuka smiled weakly as if in defeat, wrapped her still free hand around his neck and pulled him. She must have thought it so absurd, because she chuckled once just before their lips met.

He didn't last long.

He didn't last long that night either.

Like Shinji's other concerns, it was more frustrating because there was no one to confide. The other participant, Asuka, was sending mixed signals that only furthered the confusion -a typical case being their first morning after- and it just made him more anxious. It wasn't just verbal signals from her that were confusing. She seemed excited enough every time they started, but once the deed started in earnest she was very expressionless and the only gesture she showed was an awkward movement of her hands that looked like someone who never had hands in their whole life.

Under the dim moonlight, she was lying sideways, facing him. Shinji looked into her sleeping face. Asuka, like he himself, must be full of ideas that her body just couldn't perform, Shinji thought. Like a miso soup that tasted too stuffy, overboiled. Like burnt rice that they salvaged just a single bowl of edible parts. Or like grains of dried-up rice he finds on the corner of the sink and silently disposes after Asuka's dishwashing. Seemingly simple and easy things that are actually easier said than done. The frustration.

This was the state of man and woman who were closer to thirty than twenty-five. How many chances have they missed? He wondered.

That thought prompt a torrent of memories both his own and not, as if they were waiting for the cue all this time. Shinji hurriedly moved his head close to Asuka's forehead. When he floats in such a torrent his sight, his hearing, his sense of touch always failed him, overloaded by alien senses, deceiving him into somewhere else and making him unable to identify himself out of thousands of imageries. But his sense of smell never failed him so far. And, although he would never confess this little secret to her, it was Asuka's scent he used to bind himself to reality in such episodes, both consciously or unconsciously.

Shinji reached out and brushed Asuka's bangs, tenderly and carefully so as not to wake her up. She must be not aware that covering them up with cheap synthetic shampoo and body was viable only against people she interacts during the day. It wasn't just a matter of the body, either. It was only a week of cohabitation but her scent was already all over the house, it was everywhere, in the dent of the slate ceilings, in the pillows of Shinji and Asuka, in her sweat and love that was drying on his body, in a drool that was pooling on her pillow right under her lips. It wasn't something she could hide from him even if she tried.

Come to think of it, even on that night when she came over to his room, back when they lived with Misato, it was her scent, so unfamiliar yet enticing, was the thing that left the most impression.

As he caressed her hair with a smile on his face, she slowly opened her eyes. Shinji froze for a very short time, and then resumed the move again after seeing no trace of irritation in her sleepy eyes.

'What time is it?' Asuka murmured. Shinji checked the electronic clock on the nightstand.

"10:27 pm. It hasn't been long."

Soft smile appeared on her lips.

"That's a new record."

"What?"

Asuka turned her body away, wiping her mouth without elaboration. "You woke me up. Take responsibility and put me to sleep."

Shinji's brain stopped working. "Uh... Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

He heard a small snort, a clatter in the dark, and something flew over Asuka's shoulder and hit Shinji's chest and fell. Gray plastic packaging glossed under the dim light. Shinji licked her lips nervously.

"Wouldn't it just wake you up more?"

Her voice was curt. "Wear me out."

Shinji clenched and unfolded his fist once, and reached out to Asuka's shoulder with the tension he felt only when he was fighting against the Angels.

A/N: As always, reviews are appreciated.