Chapter 7

Admin's note: God fucking damnit I'm back here again. Supposedly I'm supposed to write another chapter - no pun intended - but I've been gone for like almost a month now because I don't even know what to write dawgs/dawgettes/doggie pool.

"Ho ho ho", is the first thing you hear when you open your eyes to a dark figurine in the shadows.

Oh god, not again. You think to yourself as you draw the covers up over your head like you're a little kid trying to hide from your drunken uncle. But just like the covers didn't stop your uncle, neither does it stop this thing.

It lunges towards you and yanks off the covers, pulling open the closed blinds letting light into your room. You shriek in terror and fall off the bed determined to find a dark area.

"Get the fuck up you lazy shit" Andr's commanding voice says.

"What the fuck was that!" as you get up to your feet ignoring the fact that you were cowering just a second ago.

"Well, you were sleeping, and now you're not. I know it takes a long time for your underdeveloped brain to process that but I'll try to talk slower, W-e-l-"

"Man, fuck you! The doctors told me I was gonna be big and strong when I grew up and my mom always told me I was special"

"I don't know what a doctor is but you do sound special" she laughs to herself as she walks out of the room.

"Yeah yeah fuck you too" as you put on your shirt and exit the room.

Heading down the stairs, you notice the flicker of a shadow slip around a corner but you hear Andr on the opposite side of the mansion making an ungodly amount of food.

This is rather sus. Perhaps I should check it out... "Yes, perhaps you should." Yes perhaps I - wait what the fuck?! Who's talking inside my head? GET OUT OF HERE - As you shake your head back and forth.

Andr notices this and asks you what the fuck you're doing.

"I was uh, had a bee in my ear." "Yeah that's a good excuse" - you mutter to yourself

"Whatever weird-o, I'm setting up breakfast and you" She points to you with a makeshift wooden spatula "Are not allowed any" she smirks and walks away.

"Bitch" you say at barely a decibal.

"The fuck did you say?" As she whips around and walks directly up to you, staring down at you with fire in her eyes.

"I said you're a bitch" - Is what I would've said if I had a death wish and was ready to fulfill it

"I love what you've done with your hair" you say in the meekest voice possible.

"That's what I thought" and she knees you in the balls then goes back to her tasks.

"Uh huh, love you too" with a finger in the air as you fall to your knees groaning throughout.

"She sure is a wild one eh?" Yeah, *cough cough* fuck wait who's in my head again?

"Don't freak out but... I'm a figment of your imagination turned real and I'm here to give you super powers."

Really?

"No dumbass."

You see a small entity appear in front of your eyes akin to one of those friendly house imps in the old folklore tales you read online.

"What are you?"

"Shhhh, speak in your mind only. Most others can't see me but you don't want to draw attention by speaking outloud to yourself you mad man."

Sorry sorry, so what's your name?

"Fellows of my kind don't give out our names but you may call me; Sir Ruffled Feathers."

Sir Ruffled Feathers? Yeah no I'm just gonna call you Ruff.

"Fine by me"

So Ruff, 2 questions. 1st Who are you? and 2nd Why are you talking to me?

"I've already told you who I was you idiot." Oh yeah

"Second, there's a very bad thing going on in the world and only you can stop it."

Fuck me, this sounds like the plot of a two-bit shitty ass anime made in America

"You do realize I can hear/read your thoughts right."

Ignore that and this actually just stop reading this.

"Listen, I don't want to do this and neither do you it seems but I've got higher ups telling me what to do and if I want to pay for my daughter's college tuition, I gotta do this."

College tuition what fucking college tuition this is Minecraft?

"I'm just fucking with ya I was pulling random memories and facts from your memory. Something about a bridge on September 10th 2017 with this guy called Pew-"

DO NOT LOOK INTO THAT

"Ok ok fine, I don't care

Admin's note: haha there was no pun I just said pun intended so you'd think I put a pun in there but really there was never a pun. Snooze you lose, Nurd.