Chapter 14 - Goodbye.
The ticking of the clock hadn't been noticeable; not once, not ever. It was especially absent in the past few days and nights when she peacefully lay in his arms. Now each movement echoed like unrelenting raindrops on a tin roof that seemed especially loud when all Mac needed was silence.
The tension that she thought had been eradicated when they became lovers had returned with a different kind of weight. They spoke on the ride home, after Harm was sure that the police hadn't given chase. He pointed out a small art gallery he wanted to visit 'next time' but in her bones Mac knew they'd never return. There was an aura about him, a harshness to his normally gentle touches that exploded when they stepped into the cabin.
Harm had pressed her against the closed door when they walked in. The groceries she carried fell and spilled across the hardwood floors, discarded as he kissed her so demanding and needy. His touches were desperate as if he had little time to map out every inch of her and it was almost painful how he roughly grabbed her hips, his large hands holding her still while his mouth plundered hers.
It was different and very exciting, this new kind of ardor until Mac realized the promise Harm made as they sat curbside was all a lie. He was leaving her, trying to find a way to free her from him and this was the last time they spent together.
A sane woman would have stopped him but her sanity had been questionable once Mac felt rumblings of a romantic interest for him. She was now a statistic, another silly female who fell for the likes of a convict. Why did that thrill her?
Had her life become so mundane and boring that this adventure was inevitable? No. No. She was in love and Mac knew it because the power she felt when they were together was indescribable. Harm was crazy if he thought she'd let him go without a fair fight.
Her own despair had her undoing his belt, lowering the zipper tab of his jeans that she pushed down his hips to free him. Harm was already hard, straining to fill her and between fevered kisses and shaky hands, he peeled her own jeans off with three hard tugs.
Harm's fingers parted her panties and he groaned at how wet she was. He lost control, giving in to unrestricted passion that replaced his fingers with one hard push of his hips that she felt to her womb. He cried out her name when he pulled out and pushed back in, not gentle when he thrusted again but then, neither was she.
Mac's fingernails scored his back, her teeth bit down on the sensitive flesh of his neck when he pounded into her. Her heart raced, matching the same pace that his took like a galloping horse that was set free. Her back hit the door with each rentleness buckle of hos body and Mac knew that he needed this - a good hard fuck to rid himself of the notion that she was better off without him.
Harm led, Mac followed. Even when he carried her to the throw in front of the unlit fireplace and held her hands above her head as he entered her again and again and again. It was fast paced, wild, reckless. Mac had never come so hard, so quick and when she thought he was done, he was ready again. He wanted her on top and she obliged after quickly stripping whatever clothing was left between them.
Harm was sitting when she came down over him, guiding his length into her moist channel. Her legs were on either side of his torso, feet on the ground in a half-lying position that allowed Mac to control the depth, the movement. His eyes alternated between watching his cock disappear within her and Mac's expression as she came again and again until her quivering body fell onto his incredibly satiated and numb.
Eventually they showered and went to bed, the exhaustion enough to make Harm pass out almost immediately and forgo any type of conversation. For Mac, sleep wouldn't come. Her mind kept replaying the night's activities and building a narrative she'd come to hold true - he was saying goodbye.
Quietly, she slipped out of bed and sat on the large chair by the window. She watched him sleep, taking comfort in knowing the hard love making would keep him resting for sometime. If he slept, he wasn't building an escape out of this cabin and away from her. She'd keep him her prisoner of love if it meant he'd stay.
For added precaution Mac hid the house keys, SUV keys and even the ones with the tiny yellow buoy that belonged to the boat. She much doubted he'd leave on foot but still checked that the loft window was properly sealed - a silly precaution as it was impossible to jump out of without breaking a limb. Once satisfied, she descended the steps, picked up the discarded food items and put them away. She needed something to do and while the small paper bag that held her new books sat on the coffee table, Mac was too wired to read.
The blinking blue light of her laptop caught her eye. Its persistent glow a beacon Mac had to follow and was glad that she did once her State Department contact sent her secured communique that led her down a rabbit hole of information.
A soft light glowed from behind the closed curtains alerted him that dawn had barely broken but it was the smell of coffee which dragged Harm out of bed at this ungodly hour. He followed the scent, padded down the steps to find Mac leaning against a kitchen cabinet while she buttered a slice of toast.
His arms instinctively came around her waist. His lips brushed the gentle slope of her neck where he buried his nose to take in Mac's scent. She always smelled incredibly good; too good for any man to resist. When her hands came over his and she turned to face him, an unbelievable amount of guilt made him apologize. "I'm sorry, Mac…About last night, the sex was…rough."
"You were saying goodbye."
"You knew?"
"I felt it." Mac's hand pressed against his cheek which was now tinted pink from the way he blushed. "And don't apologize. I figured that's how we'd be our first time. I had a fantasy you'd take me just like that the second we walked into the cabin."
He did too. "So, we're good?"
"Yeah, Harm. We're good, are you?"
He let her go and grabbed a mug that sat at the edge of the sink, filling it to the brim with coffee that he took a sip from. She was watching him and the myriad of thoughts that ran rampant through his mind in the span of two seconds terrified her as they played across his facial expressions. If he ran, she would follow. If he turned himself in, Mac would become something of a prison wife - she wouldn't let him go; she couldn't and he knew it. "I'm over it."
"Just like that?" Mac sounded doubtful and her brow rose in silent contemplation when he slowly nodded and then took another sip of coffee.
"Yes, just like that. This place is almost impossible to find. I'm not gonna - I shouldn't make it easy for them, not when it was self defense. I'm not a murderer. I'm not a murderer."
She was still looking at him when Harm leaned against the counter and stared into the cup of coffee as if he were unsure of what came next. There was a sign of determination that was absent last night and it was the edge Mac needed to show him what she'd tirelessly unearthed. "My Undersecretary friend may have found something."
Harm's mood suddenly changed, he perked up and scowled at the mention of this friend. He wasn't sure, he hadn't asked but something about all of these favors being done for Mac made leery. He felt a pang of jealousy and folded his arms across his chest when she settled at the small table and began to type her credentials into the laptop. "Is this Undersecretary friend of yours a guy friend, Mac?"
"Yes, in fact he is." She looked up from the monitor, a small smile of satisfaction on her lips. "Are you jealous, sailor?"
"No." Oh but he was and the way Harm stood with his arms so tightly folded was a tell that would have cost him his hand if they were playing poker.
"Right. He's just a friend."
Harm snorted, grabbed his coffee and dropped into the chair across from her. "Just a friend, hah. No man is interested in being 'just a friend' with a woman that looks like you."
"You don't wanna be friends with me, Commander? Not even the kind with benefits?" Mac's smile turned into a pout, one that she over exaggerated to the point of making him laugh.
"Well…when you put it that way." His hand grabbed the edge of her chair, pulling until her legs touched his and he could lean in to kiss her. She tasted like butter and cinnamon and Harm briefly wondered if this is what life with Sarah MacKenzie would look like. Despite his past reluctance to settle with anyone, the two years of prison had bled the jet fuel out of his system and he found that he didn't want that life anymore. Being on a carrier was its own sort of incarceration. "I guess we can be friends."
"Lovers can turn into friends, can't they?"
"Yeah, they can." He motioned with his chin to the laptop, his eyes focusing on a personnel file she popped up on the screen. "So what did your 'friend' find?"
"I don't think I like this jealous version of you."
"That makes two of us." Because he'd never been this jealous of any man when it came to any woman he'd ever dated. Diane had a slew of suitors as did the flight attendant he was hot and heavy with for a time. They were hit on constantly, a mild annoyance for him but it wasn't this seething jealousy over a man he'd never met and yet wanted to beat to a pulp. "Have you…have you slept with him?"
"No but, I'm sure he'd love to." Mac rolled her eyes and cringed at the thought. The man was well-dressed, pomp and circumstance but had this slimy air about him that gave her the willies. "Don't worry. He's pretentious as hell, a mama's boy and certainly not my type. I saved his ass once or twice, he owes me. He owes me real big."
"Hmmm, I think I hate him."
"Well, don't hate too much. He found the man you killed." She turned the laptop his way and Harm saw one picture and then another one of which had his assailant standing next to a familiar blonde. "This is John William Crenshaw, Allison Krennick's step brother."