syml- where's my love, Is a weird choice for Charlie missing Bella but it made me think about him as he found her missing.

~I'm searching high, searching low into the night- If you're scared, I'm on my way-Did you run away, I don't need to know. If you ran away, come back home. Just come home~

Jacob showed me to his room which was practically around the corner in this tiny 2 bedroom. We hung out most days for nearly a month before he became scarce, but I hadn't been in his room yet. It was all in warm tones. A tapestry, a large dreamcatcher and random posters covered the walls. You could barely see the floor, it was so tiny, but he made a bean bag fit in the corner. Clothes were everywhere and his bed was a mess. He rushed past me and started flinging things away.

"Sorry! I wasn't expecting anyone,"

"Yeah, obviously." I laughed. "No worries, I think my room looks the same most of the time." I added for his sake. Everything was left neat in my room before I left. I even made the bed. My letter to Charlie propped on top.

He looked up with an appreciative smile.

"It's nice. It's you," I said. Smelled like him too.

"I'll get your bags," He said.

"They're in the trunk bed," I told him, sitting on the mattress. He bounded away after that.

"You doing ok in there, little one?" I mumbled to my bump. We're not out of the woods yet. I'm sure it's a regular baby, just...growing fast for some reason. They'll see it's a baby and we'll be fine.

I looked forward to seeing a medical professional, make sure we were both fine, but I also dreaded it. Jake returned with my bags in tow.

"Brought your pj's?" Jake said.

"Yeah, they're in there," He brought the duffle closer and helped me look. I half considered staying in jeans since they were so hard to get on in the first place.

Jacob stepped out while I changed. When I was done, he helped get me into bed and tucked me in.

This isn't my bed. This isn't my room. I'll never be home again, I thought.

"... you're going to be okay," He said. I was going to nod but sniffles came out. I wished I didn't have to leave Charlie, the home I knew, the life I knew. Jacob sat on the edge and brushed my hair away.

"Sorry, I just-"

"It's ok. You ran away from home. It's ok."

"I'm not a bad person. I didn't do this on purpose," I mumbled.

"I know that." He said, gripping me tighter. I hugged back, glad to have the comfort I needed the past couple of weeks, glad to have my sun returned.

I woke early in morning, dawn was just breaking, lighting the dark room just a bit. Jacob's sleeping form was on floor, between me and the door. He said he wanted to stay close, just in case. It seemed a bit silly.

I really didn't deserve a young (and inappropriately responsible for his age) friend like him.

I carefully tiptoed out of the room into the kitchen. I didn't have anything to give, but I figured I could thank them by cooking breakfast.

"Jesus, Bella, what are you doing!" Jacob said. I was struggling to get the tray of muffins out of the oven with my belly in the way.

"I got it, sort of," I said.

"Why are you making muffins?" He asked, setting them on counter one-handed.

"I thought I'd thank you guys for your help," I said, tucking a piece of my hair in.

"Not in the state you're in," He said looking at my arms.

"Precisely. Before I won't be able to anything."

"Let me help then,"

Breakfast with Billy was an awkward affair but he was appreciative.

"I don't have much, we live humbly here, but...this is your house. There's not much I can do about the council, but at least they've been stalled until..." We both looked down at my swollen abdomen.

"I'll support you for as long as I can. For Charlie." He said.

"Thank you, Billy. I can pay for myself though, I have a stash. Let me do that." I said, keeping Alice's help a secret. I can't let Jacob find out either because of the hive mind.

"Maybe keep it safe for now. Is it chow time or is this just to look at?" He said, changing his tone.

We laughed and tucked in. Or, they did and I watched, which didn't go unnoticed.

Charlie called. I could only hear Billy's side, but hearing how Billy tried to get him to calm down, breathe, so he could think a bit more clearly and hear what he was saying-I knew he was worried sick and it tore me to shreds.

"No, Bella hasn't been here. Why? What's happened?"

"I see."

"No, I haven't heard from her. I don't think Jacob has either- sure, I'll ask."

"Charlie-Yes, I know."

"That's not possible- I know you're still angry."

"She wouldn't go back into the woods-Charlie, just stop for a second. You're thinking of worst case scenarios when there isn't a clue. Calm down. It's going to be alright. It's only been a day- then maybe she went to a school friend's house,"

He was actually trying to reassure him, opposite of what he gave me. And was even making up other possibilities for my disappearance, feigning ignorance, to cover for me.

"Yeah, I'll let you know what he says. I'll call you if I know anything. Bye." He hung up and turned to look at me. He only held my gaze for a moment but it was long enough.

Dad,- I wrote,

I love you. I'm not gone because of you. You were there for me all this time.You waited for me to come back home after Reneé left.

You were more than enough. I really can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You're the best dad a girl could ever ask for. You're the dad I would ask for, but I can't stay in Forks anymore.

Please don't look for me. Trust I can take care of myself, so try not to worry too much.

I love you. I'm sorry.

In the days that followed, Jacob would try to get me out in the sun, walk around in his backyard, keep me entertained. He held my hair back when I vomited, worried for me.

Word spread and Sam's fiancé, Emily, came by to offer maternity clothes from the reservation's donation center and food she made.

"Food cooked by these specific men can't be that good," she joked. She smiled wide. She was beautiful, but it was hard not to notice the scars on the side of her face. Jacob later told me the story.

She was very kind, apologized for Sam but also didn't try to convince me he was a good man. She turned her attention to my belly and asked if she could touch it. I allowed it, since it was a sudden request, and wondered if curiosity was what brought her here, and not the desire to help. Or could she be 'eyes'?

"A child is a blessing...Sam and I are sort waiting til after the wedding before we start trying," she explained with a smile, her hand feeling warm and gentle on my bump.

"Congratulations," I said.

"Thank you. It won't be for a long time but I worry about it whenever I think of it." Her smile then quickly disappeared.

"Bella...We just met, but I'd rather not ignore the elephant in the room. You're frail. You're having trouble standing already. I could study the human skeleton just by looking at you."

I looked down as if I was ashamed. Jacob and I noticed. Billy noticed. I avoided the mirror when I showered because the dangers were clear.

"I can't really bathe myself," I admitted. I started crying. Without missing a beat, she sat next to me and held me close, rubbing my arms. I'm pregnant and dying, I know it.

There still wasn't news of a technician being found, so I was in the dark about how much more time the baby needed in order to survive after birth. I had no idea if I would still be alive to look after him.

Jacob shouted at people to hurry. It was as if they were comfortable with me dying. Almost like they were comfortable only half looking or easily giving up the search.

"I'll come by often to help you do that." Emily said.

With my parents out of my reach, moments like these were precious to me. I was lucky, despite everything, to have a bit of help when I needed it. I wondered and hoped that I'd be lucky again, often enough when the time came to leave La Push.

Weeks passed and he came looking for me.

Charlie barged through the front door and stormed inside, head whipping side to side.

"I'm sorry Billy but I have to. I'm not here as the Chief of Police but as your friend," He said, moving around Billy in his wheelchair to get to the living room.

"I understand, but I don't know why you'd think I'd hide her."

"It's just...she and Jacob were close. If you didn't hide her, maybe Jacob did without you knowing," Doors were opened and slammed shut.

"I think I'd notice," Billy huffed.

"I wouldn't let Jacob break the law by any stretch even if it was for Bella,"

"Maybe she ran away with the Cullens," He said, barely listening. "Maybe she found out where they were,"

"Charlie, there's no way she could have done that. Carlisle didn't even leave a way for the hospital to contact him. He's not here. She's gone." Billy said, trying to keep Charlie out of trouble from going after the Cullens and knowing that I likely would be so he might as well break the news to Charlie. But Charlie wasn't happy about that.

Charlie stormed out of the house. I watched Billy wheel himself after him from where I hid underneath the kitchen sink. I heard them shouting at each other from outside, but Billy was apologizing, Charlie yelling.

I had heard him, watched him with my stomach sinking. He looked like a crazed father would: unkempt, dark circles underneath tired eyes. I could hear the worry and pain in his voice. When your mother took you away and I didn't know if I'd ever see you again...he said. I had to cover my mouth to muffle any sound I made. I repeated this event for the third time. First was Reneé, second was when James was hunting me, and now. I put Charlie through so much and he didn't deserve all this pain.

With the coast clear, Jacob, who hid underneath the back of the house, helped me out of my hiding spot.

"I'm gonna go talk to him, " He squeezed my hands then ran out the back door to secretly get into the garage and look like he had been there all along. I couldn't hear anything, standing there, but I could imagine how it would go.

outtake:

I didn't have a restful sleep. I was feeling like someone was disturbing me. When a cold hand was going grab my shoulder, a hot arm draped itself on me. I woke and turned. It was Jacob, but he was still asleep.

been meaning to post this but I had many shifts to do. Hope you've been well these past 3 weeks.