Chapter 8

Despite his uncle's attempt to apologise the night before Jon couldn't help but be angry at him still. Had the man honestly believed that he would forgive him simply because he'd said sorry? He hadn't even heard Robb try to calm. Jon was still angry after an almost sleepless night. Though he couldn't help the sense of relief at the idea of leaving the bad memories behind him. with a sigh, Jon silently grabbed his baggage and headed for the stables where Ser Barristan was likely already waiting for him.

To Jon's surprise there were a number of people – a mixture of servants and guards – who seemed to almost follow him and Ser Barristan from the stables to the gate. He was even more surprised when none of them seemed as angry or as negative toward him as he had thought. "A brave lad," one voice murmured. "Good that he's leaving," came another, "he deserves more than this". "That child has always deserved a better life," yet another voice agreed. "The lad will make the North proud." That last one was Ser Rodrik. Jon couldn't help but smile to himself as he heard them. Maybe Lord and Lady Stark didn't care for him, but he had never been as alone as he had thought.

Jon's smile fell almost immediately as the people crowded by the gates came into sight. The last thing he wanted to do before leaving Winterfell forever was deal with Lord and Lady Stark. Ser Barristan's presence by his side kept him moving forward and the additional presence of Uncle Benjen, Maester Aemon and Robb calmed his nerves. Jon was momentarily disappointed, however, that the rest of his siblings weren't there. He wanted desperately to say goodbye to Arya and Bran.

Seeing him with Ser Barristan caused Lady Stark to glare and did not trouble to keep her voice down. "I find it hard to countenance the fact that you are allowing this to happen. Allowing a bastard to usurp the place that rightfully belongs to a trueborn son. I pray you will right this wrong. Otherwise I fear that you will all but allow the bastard to usurp your trueborn son's right as heir of Winterfell without batting an eyelash."

"Enough, Catelyn!" Eddard snapped angrily. "If we haven't been able to convince Ser Barristan to change his mind by now, I doubt you will be able to now that they're leaving. Besides, I spoke to Jon last night, attempting to convince him to stay, however he refused to listen to me. Impertinent child."

"Really? Is that why you came to me last night? I thought you said last night that you wanted to apologise to me," Jon said loudly. "Though I can imagine that you would want to pretend otherwise. It was a rather shitty apology. And I have never once been impertinent."

"I… I…" Eddard stuttered. Clearly he hadn't expected Jon to overhear him, nor expected him to call him out for it. "I hadn't expected you to hear me."

"Evidently," Jon scowled while feeling somewhat gratified by the number of glares that his uncle and aunt were receiving. "And for your information, the reason I'm leaving is because the way your wife treats me makes it impossible for me to want to stay. I don't want to leave, but I can't stay. I just can't. I hope you understand that."

If Eddard had been shocked before, he was absolutely gobsmacked by now. If only because Jon had never spoken up about the way he was treated. He had always been quietly obedient. Eddard rued the day Jon had found out the truth about his heritage. If he hadn't found out, he would still be obedient and would still be following his wishes without question.

"Of course I can understand how you feel, Jon," Eddard attempted to soothe the boy, although his words fell flat. "You may not bear my name, but you're still my blood. This is why I attempted to make arrangements for your future when I wanted you to join the Night's Watch, or go to the Citadel. However I must admit that I was quite shocked when you turned my offer down."

"If you think that the Night's Watch would take a pair of unwilling boys then you have another thing coming," Benjen snapped, ignoring Lady Stark's disdainful glare. "I already told that the Watch is no place for Jon. He'll be far better off with Ser Barristan. It'll give him a far better future than he would have at the Wall."

Sensing that the situation was about to deteriorate, Ser Barristan spoke up. "Perhaps you ought to say your goodbyes now Jon. It will be a long time before you see them again."

"As if I could care about what happens to the bastard. What happens to him is not of my concern," Lady Stark said snootily, before turning on her heel and stalking back towards the castle. Eddard didn't even hesitate before following his wife without a word. Everyone stared after the couple in absolute astonishment. They may have expected such behaviour from Lady Stark, but it was out of character for Eddard to fail to farewell a guest. It was even more out of character for him to fail to farewell a family member.

Ignoring the staring adults, Jon embraced his brother. "I don't think I like your parents very much," Jon muttered hoarsely. "I know I never liked your mother much, but even our father has changed lately. I don't think I like him anymore."

"I wouldn't be overly concerned about the people who love you and care for you," Maester Aemon attempted to reassure his young namesake.

"Be careful down south, Jon," Benjen said quietly. "It will be dangerous for you in the capital. You need to let people believe the lies. If the wrong person were to find out the truth about your heritage…"

"I'll look after our boy," Barristan said, mounting his horse. "I promise you I'll make sure he is well looked after."

Realising that the time to leave had come, Jon followed his lead and mounted. Taking a deep breath, he stroked his horse's neck. From the moment they rode through the gates before them, Epona would be his only connection to his home. Jon knew that Benjen was right in saying that it would be dangerous for him in the south, even with his a heritage still secret. With that thought in mind, he attempted to savour his last moments at Winterfell. With one long last look around him, Jon nudged Epona into a walk and rode through the gates of Winterfell for the last time.

However instead of the sense of sadness, of loss and pain he had expected to feel at leaving his home, in that moment all Jon felt was a sense of relief. A weight he didn't know he carried lifting from his shoulders. Leaving the poison of Lady Catelyn Stark behind him seemed to rejuvenate him immensely. They had been riding for a little over an hour when Jon noticed Barristan was looking at him oddly. The knight frowned when he realised Jon had noticed.

"I would have thought that you would be rather more sad about leaving your home and your family behind," he said quietly. "As I said earlier, you don't know when you will see them again."

"I thought I would be sad about leaving as well. Up until the moment we left, that's what I thought I would feel," Jon replied. "But at the moment I'm simply more relieved about away from Lady Stark. You saw a little of how she was like, imagine being treated like that your entire lifetime. It's… Well, depressing isn't the right word for it. In a way it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Like a burden I didn't know I carried has slipped away."

"I know that it may seem like that right now," Barristan said slowly. Truth be told, he was worried about the boy. He had been almost since he met him. "But the way Lady Stark treated you Jon, it's like emotional abuse. And it stays with you, no matter how much you pretend otherwise. You need to let it your feelings out, before it destroys you."

"Maybe," Jon said. "But for the moment, maybe this is enough for now."

Barristan didn't agree with that line of thinking, but nodded anyway. His king needed to work through his feelings by himself. And when his king needed him, he'd be there for him. He was surprised when his king spoke again after a moment.

"I had hoped to have been able to say goodbye to my other brothers and my sisters as well," he said sadly. "I know Lady Stark has never liked me, nor I her, but I do care about my siblings. How could someone be so petty?"

"I don't know, my king, I just don't know," Barristan said, shaking his head. "But I do know that Lady Stark's hatred of you won't vanish just because you have left Winterfell. Hatred like that is a weed, insidious and choking, not responding to reason. She believes you a bastard and her husband's shame, and a shame to her house. That is all the justification she needs to fuel her fears. It's all the incentive she needs to believe the worst."

"So she kept my siblings away from me simply because she's scared that I'd harm her family? I'd never do that!"

"I know you wouldn't," Barristan soothed. "But her fears aren't rational. She has convinced herself that you'll harm her children, usurp their places and positions, even when you wouldn't dream of it."

Jon felt suddenly miserable at the older man's words. His life had been turned upside down because his uncle likely felt threatened by who he was. And because of his lies, his wife hated his guts. He had no wish to retaliate against them one day, but if they ever moved against him in the future, he might not have another choice. He could not imagine them getting over their fears just because he had left their home.

Noticing the king's abrupt change of mood, Barristan sought to change the subject. "Now, it's a pleasant day and there are still many miles between us and the South. Perhaps you could show me more of the North on the journey."

"Not bloody likely," Jon snorted. "I only rarely left Winterfell. If you want to know any hidden details about the keep come straight to me. You want to know about the land, go straight to my uncle or my brother Robb. Sometimes it only feels like the only things I know about the North is book knowledge."

"That's not right," Barristan murmured. "Perhaps we can learn more about this and on our way South. Any lord or king worth their salt is knowledgeable about both their lands and their people. They have to be if they don't want to risk being overthrown."

Jon looked lost at that. "How am I going to learn about the people and places down South when we get there? I only barely know anything about the North and I grew up here. I'm nowhere near ready to reclaim my family's throne and I'm beginning to think I never will be."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Barristan smiled at his young king. "With the right advisors and counsellors, you'll do fine. You think I am going to leave you with bad representation and faulty advice? If you are anything like your father and mother, I have reason to believe you will be a great king."

Jon didn't know how he felt at that, but at the very least was reassured by Ser Barristan's support. He didn't know what the future would hold, but it was a slight comfort at least to know that Ser Barristan the bold was on his side. Even if some of his family wasn't. It was almost enough to put a smile on his face.