Title: Communication Breakdown

Summary: Kokoro writes Kakashi back. She hangs out with Junichiro. Gaara writes back.

Dad

Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to write back. It's been 4 months and you haven't written a single letter to me. How do you think that makes me feel? It's almost like you forgot about me. I wouldn't be surprised if you did. You've always been like that. I think you've tried your best at raising me and being there for me, but you didn't try my best. You've always been distracted when it comes to being my dad. I have fond memories of us spending time together, but I always have memories of being sad, angry, embarrassed, and disappointed.

I know I'm not something you ever wanted in life. I overheard you talking to Asuma about it. I was young, but I remember the way you sounded when you talked about me, like you regretted having me and taking me in. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I knew you were under so much pressure to be a great shinobi and to protect the village, but I felt like a burden. You always told me how much of a big responsibility it was to be a high-ranking shinobi, that you had to protect others whenever you had to leave me all those times. But how was I supposed to take that when I wanted you to protect me. I wanted you by my side for whatever life threw at me, but you weren't there. I thought that if I asked for as many details as possible about your missions that it would make me feel like I was there with you, but it didn't. So, I started asking you to come on your missions. If you had to leave, then I was going with you.

When you finally took me on that mission to Suna, I was so ecstatic! I was finally going to spend time with you, experience different things with you, roam the world with you! You weren't leaving me behind! But we didn't spend that much time together on that trip. I know you had a mission to uphold, but you left me to play with Gaara the entire time. I know you had down time; discussions don't take the entire day. Coming back to the room after playing all day and seeing you cleaned up and lazing in the bed only strengthened my suspicions.

When I found out you were assigned as my jounin teacher, I was secretly pleased. I had wanted to train with someone new to increase my skill set, and I was annoyed that you were so late, but I was glad we were going to spend more time together. Even if we had to share that time with two other people, I was willing to ignore that. But nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to spending time with you. You favored Sasuke over everyone. You left me and Naruto to our own devices, for the most part. You praised Sasuke and pointed out Naruto's and my flaws. You willingly only trained Sasuke before the final round of the Chunin Exams while giving Naruto a subpar teacher and just assuming I'd train with Haku. It's like you didn't want me. If you didn't want me, you could have just left me at the orphanage or with anyone else.

I am grateful you took me in and raised me despite your age and occupation. I don't think my life would have been the same had I been dropped off at the orphanage. But I don't like it when you ignore me and then try to act like a parent. I don't know why you're writing to me all of a sudden. Shouldn't you be training Sasuke? He has to get ready for the next Chunin Exams. The Mizukage actually demoted me to an Academy student, and I've been working my way up the ladder again. I'm certain I'll be ready to take the Chunin Exams in 3 months time. I guess I'll see you there with Sasuke. I'll make you regret choosing him over me. You'll see. I'll be just as strong, if not stronger than him.

Maybe even then you won't acknowledge me. Honestly, I don't even know if I want you to acknowledge me. What would I gain from that? It'd only solidify my fears that you only want to be around people who are strong. I must not have been strong enough for you. I'm sorry I disappointed you. And I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear from you again. Your letter brought me nothing but sadness and anger, and I don't want to feel that way towards you anymore than I have.

Until the next Chunin Exams,

Kokoro

"Roke!" Junichiro shouted from behind her. Kokoro turned around and waved as he approached. She was glad the other day wasn't a fluke and he actually wanted to be her friend. She had never encountered someone who was cruel enough to do such a thing, but she wouldn't put it past someone from Kiri to do it. That little girl had certainly been a little actress.

"Yo, Juro!" she shouted back. She hadn't seen him much in the past few weeks, but she was certainly glad to see him.

"What have you been up to?" Junichiro asked as he threw an arm around her shoulders. She threw him a raised eyebrow before answering.

"I've been training. Usually training takes up my entire day."

"Yeesh," he said. "That sucks."

"You're so well-spoken," she said sarcastically.

He looked proud of himself as he said, "One could even call me compact."

"The word you're looking for is cogent," she corrected him with a shake of her head.

"You're such a bratwurst," he scoffed.

"I think the word you're looking for is braggart, and I am not!" She shoved him to the side playfully. He rolled his eyes and pushed her back roughly. "Hey!" she yelled in protest. She went to push him again when he dodged her hands. He dodged her again when she lunged towards him. He stuck his tongue out at her, yet ran away when she started chasing him.

They ran through the streets, trying not to run into anyone. Kokoro laughed freely and shrieked when Junichiro grabbed hold of her. He swung her around before shushing her and looking around suspiciously. Then, he pulled her towards a secluded place away from the glares people shot at them for being so disruptive.

"Are you doing anything soon?" Junichiro asked her.

"No. Masumi-sensei gave me the day off."

"Masumi-sensei," he echoed in surprise.

"Do you know them?"

"Yeah, I wonder if. . . No, they would have told us."

"What are you muttering about?" she asked.

"Nothing that concerns you, old lady," Junichiro said, distracting Kokoro from his musings.

Kokoro gave him a deadpanned look and began walking again. Honestly, she did have homework from Masumi. She was supposed to be resting her mind and working on some breathing exercises. Masumi had said learning how to breathe would help in strengthening her mental state. They had said that the first step to strengthening it was acknowledging that it was fragile, understanding that there was a small crack in the center of it that at any time could grow and shatter her entire mental being. Kokoro thought they were being dramatic. She was nowhere near that fragile. Sure, a lot of things had happened recently, and sure she wasn't as welcomed as she normally was and in turn felt lonely, but she had made a friend! And she got to talk to Ao and Masumi during the day and her ninken during the night. Sure, her family rarely wrote to her; whether by choice or because they were busy was still unknown. Sure, almost none of her friends wrote to her. Sure, she felt conflicted because she wanted to get stronger to be able to protect those closest to her so that she wouldn't have to feel tremendous loss, and those same people practically abandoned her as it'd been four months and the only person who wrote to her regularly was Gaara.

She understood why, though! They were busy! Shikamaru was a new chunin that had a lot of new responsibilities placed on him, Naruto was training and traveling with Jiraiya, so it was pretty hard to write when he was experiencing so many new things. Plus, he didn't exactly have an address to send it to. Sasuke was probably busy training with her d, and the guy was so mad when she left, she doubted he was going to write anyway. Kiba was a wandering soul that was so forgetful he needed reminders constantly. Everyone was busy and living their lives in Konoha, and Kokoro was in Kirigakure.

What was the point of going to Kiri to get stronger if by the time she came back she'd have no friends to protect. That's the whole reason she went to Kiri! She wanted to get stronger and learn new things and gain new opportunities to protect the ones she loved! Now she didn't know why she was getting stronger. For herself? She didn't know if she really cared. She never really cared about that stuff until she found a purpose. She could find another way to stand out as Kokoro instead of a Hatake if she wanted. She didn't have to be a shinobi. She could start up her own business or be a traveler or be an actress or whatever she wanted and she would be oh so different from the infamous Hatakes of her family. So, why was she doing all this? What was she gaining?

"You think anymore and your brain's gonna explode," Junichiro joked. "Your brain isn't big enough to hold all them thoughts, so you might want to get rid of them."

Kokoro shook her head a couple times and said, "Huh?"

"All I'm saying is if you gotta word throw-up, do it away from me."

She closed her eyes and tried to remember what he said, but she couldn't conjure up anything. "I have no idea what you just said, but I know it must have been utter nonsense."

"Why's that, dead for brains?"

"Because you come up with comebacks like that," she replied.

"Lots of people like my comebacks, I'll have you know."

"Just as much as they like your ugly mug?"

Junichiro placed a hand against his chest and said, "I'm offended."

"And I'm impressed you knew the word offended!" she said happily. "I'm so proud!"

Junichiro scowled and rolled his eyes at her playful banter. He was quite relieved she was behaving more like herself. He hadn't liked that far away look in her eyes. She looked sad and so dejected. He had never seen a look like that on her face before, and he didn't think it belonged there. She was confident, brave, cheerful, and witty; not depressed, lost, scared, and unhappy. If she needed someone, even if he really hated when someone ranted and rambled about their problems, he would lend an ear.

"So, what do you do on your days off? I've only seen you walk around."

"That's just about all I do," she said with a shrug. "I amble around. Sometimes I stay home and play with my ninken, but that's about it."

Junichiro's eyes enlarged as he all but shouted, "You have ninken?"

"Blast out my eardrums, why don't you," she bit as she covered her ears. His close proximity was a problem.

"Sorry. Didn't know you had super hearing and all that. But seriously, You have ninken? I've never met anyone who does."

"Yeah. It's kind of a tradition in my dad's clan to get a pack of ninken after you graduate from the Academy. It's kind of like a rite of passage."

"Can I meet them?" he asked with sparkles in his eyes.

"Why are you so fascinated by them?"

"I've never seen one in real life. We specialize in water here, and dogs aren't made for the water."

"That's fair," Kokoro said. "My dogs don't particularly like that I have water as one of my elements. One time I was messing around and I got FuwaFuwa all wet." She giggled as she remembered the pouty, drippy ball of fur. "He was angry and wouldn't talk to me for a week."

"See, those are the types of stories I want to hear about! I'm tired of hearing about fish the size of boulders being caught or how someone's pet fish did a backflip in its fish bowl," he said excitedly.

"I'll introduce you one day."

"What about today? You're not doing anything, and I'm not doing anything, so let's do something together and see your ninken!"

"They're taking a break today. Masumi-sensei had us training together yesterday and they're exhausted. They told me not to summon them for a few days."

"They can't keep up?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that going to be a problem on missions?"

"They're still puppies. technically," she said. "They'll get better the more they train, but they need sufficient rest, too."

"Then. what do you want to do, because I'm bored and I have nothing to do."

"You tell me. I don't know any cool places to go."

Junichiro thought for a moment before he lit up and said, "I have the perfect place." He grabbed her hand and pulled her along, all the while chatting her ear off about how much she'd love the place. Kokoro just hoped it was a place so distracting she couldn't and wouldn't think at all.

He led her away from the center of the village and towards the outskirts where houses and people were few and far between. After fifteen minutes of walking, they began walking through a dense forest. She briefly wondered if he was going to kill her and get rid of her body. Maybe he had only befriended to gain her trust and do the thing everyone in the village wanted to do. It was weird how Akane came out of nowhere. Maybe she lied about knowing Ao and had set this whole thing up. Kokoro knew there was a slim chance of that, but it crossed her mind as she stepped over a fallen log and into liquid mud. It clung to her shoes and some of it dripped back onto the ground.

"We're here!" Junichiro exclaimed. Kokoro looked up and was surprised to see a small, swampy clearing. There was a green pond on the far side with weeds and tall grass poking out of it. Lily pads floated on top and a few frogs croaked and jumped about. Other than the pond, the rest of the land was made up of grass and mud, with a few logs and sticks littered about. Three logs were set up beside each other in a line in front of the pond.

"What is this place?" she asked in wonder.

"It's a spot I found a while back," he said smugly. "I come here a lot when I need to think or when I need to get away from people."

"It must be nice," she mused, "to have a secret spot no one knows about."

Junichiro watched her as she gazed at their surroundings. He watched her walk up to the pond and bend down to card her fingers through the water's surface. She smiled at the cool feeling on her skin and giggled as a frog sitting on a lily pad floated towards her and blinked at her. She cupped water into two of her hands and stared down at the reflection casted back at her. Confused about what she was doing, Junichiro walked up to her. Seeing the lost look in her reflection, he sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder.

She turned around as he said, "You know, if you ever need a place to get away, you can come here."

'You don't have to, Juro. I don't want to take over your spot. You found it first."

He shook his head and vehemently said, "I don't care about that. You're my friend, Roke."

"I don't understand why," she whispered. "It seems like none of my friends ever really wanted to be friends."

"What are you saying now?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Nothing," she said.

"It's not nothing. Tell me, or I'll push you into the pond."

"You wouldn't," she challenged.

"Try me."

They stared each other down for a second before Kokoro conceded and patted the pot next to her. Junichiro shook his head and said, "Actually, so you want to sit on the logs? I put them there because they're more comfy." They walked over to the logs and sat down. Junichiro left her alone because he knew that whatever was bothering her was huge, at least in her mind. He didn't want to push her and then have her hate hanging out with him.

"I moved here about 4 months ago," Kokoro started suddenly. Junichiro turned his head to look at her, giving all of his attention to her. "I left behind friends, family, team mates. I told them I was leaving and we got to say goodbye. It was bittersweet."

"Do you miss them?"

"Every day," she answered. She picked up a pebble and threw it at the pond, watching it plunk into the water and disrupt the calmness.

"Did you write a letter to them? I know you mentioned you have a friend in Suna that you write to."

"I. . . haven't. But hey haven't written to me. I was waiting for them to write."

"But you didn't write to them," he pointed out.

"And?" she asked exasperated. She wasn't in the mood for figuring out his point.

"And you can't expect something from people when you're not willing to do it yourself."

"Seriously?" Kokoro said, annoyed.

"Yeah, seriously," he snapped. "If you talked to someone first every day and one day you forget to and they don't talk to you, wouldn't you think that's unfair?"

"Well, when you put it that way . . ."

"Exactly. It's the same thing with your letters. You can't expect people to write letters to you when you don't plan to put in the same effort and do the same thing."

"But what if they don't respond back? I think that'll feel worse than not getting a letter at all."

"I don't know, Roke," he said honestly. "You won't know until you try. Is that why you're all spacy today?"

"Kinda," she said as she bit her lip. Thinking over Junichiro's words, she really had been unfair. She hadn't even given them a chance! She could try to excuse herself by saying she was busy with training, but then that would mean her friends could also be excused, too. All of them were trying their hardest to grow stronger. She was lucky she had someone as great as Junichiro to talk some sense into her.

"Then what was it? Because you being all spacy is weird."

"You're so nosy today," she commented. She contemplated if she wanted to tell him. She didn't want to, but it would be a good idea to get it all out rather than bottle it in. She made up her mind. "The whole reason I decided to come here was to get stronger to protect my friends and my family. During the Chunin Exams, Lee, one of my friends, got badly hurt."

"I remember that," Junichiro butt in. "He was roughed up by that sand guy, right? Man, he was brutal."

"Yeah," she winced. Gaara's reputation might be changing in Suna, but it was still the same everywhere else. She decided not to mention Gaara was her friend for the time being. "Seeing him get so hurt made me decide that I had to stop slacking and had to take every opportunity presented to me to get better and to protect them. My nindo, my ninja way, is you have to be strong to protect the ones you love. My nindo doesn't mean anything if I don't have any loved ones."

"You should probably change it," he said. Kokoro gave him a hurtful look, so he backtracked. "I didn't mean your nindo was stupid or that you wouldn't be able to protect them, but," he paused and took a harsh breathe, "look, I used to have the same nindo, or a similar one."

"What happened to change it?" Kokoro asked.

"One of my teammates died."

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to make you say anything you didn't want to." She didn't want a repeat of the time they went shopping together.

"You didn't make me say anything, I wanted to tell you," he huffed out. "I think that if I tell you this, it'll help you, so take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," she said before he could change his mind.

"Right, well we were on a dangerous mission after the Chunin Exams. Sensei thought we could handle it despite none of us making chunin. I can't tell you the specifics, confidentiality and all, but we were outnumbered. I was fighting an enemy when I heard her cry out. She was getting ganged up on by three shinobi. She was holding her own for a while, and I tried to keep an eye on her during my fight. I was trying to end mine as quickly as possible so I could help. I knew she didn't have any backup besides me. Sensei had gone ahead to scout when we were ambushed, and my other teammate was knocked out.

Before I knew it, she was screaming my name. It was the worst thing I've ever heard." He shuddered as the memory replayed in his head. "I knew the both of us were running out of time, so I went for the kill and ended my opponent. When I turned around to help, she was already pushed to the ground and stabbed. She saw me and reached out a hand as the enemy slit her throat and killed her. I watched the life drain from her eyes. I couldn't move." He shook as he told her how he had been paralyzed with fear and hopelessness, how he had done nothing but stared at her lifeless body as the three enemies pursed him, how his sensei had to rescue him from the oncoming slaughter, and how mad their teammate had been at him for getting her killed. Kokoro grabbed his hand and held on tightly, letting him know that she was there to support him. He gripped her hand just as tightly.

"It wasn't your fault," Kokoro told him firmly with tears in her eyes.

"I think I'm starting to realize that," he said slowly as he crawled out of his nightmares. "It's taking a while, but I'm starting to understand what sensei was telling me. She meant so much to me. She was my first friend. You might not get it, but I wasn't the most liked. Everyone thought I was too soft growing up."

"You're kidding."

He shook his head. "I had to pretend to be this badass person. You remember when we first met? I gave you my name and even gave you a nickname."

"I remember," she said softly. "You were the first person my age to talk to me."

"Usually, people in Kiri don't give out their names so easily. It's all about information. Once you have a name, you know practically everything about that person."

"But I didn't know anything about you," she said, confused.

"Because you didn't grow up here," he said. "Rumors are forever, and everyone talks about everyone."

"Unfortunately, I've noticed," she said dryly.

He shushed her and complained, "You're getting me sidetracked. Stop asking questions and just listen."

"Oops, sorry," she said.

"Anyway, I promised to always protect her no matter what, and on that day, I failed her. I couldn't protect her or keep my promise. I felt so lost after that. Why was I a shinobi when the whole reason for it was gone? I wanted to quit or die, whatever got me away from my misery. Sensei talked some sense into me. Sensei told me it was impossible to protect and save everyone. I was only one person, they said. I had to come up with a different nindo, one that was possible and one that I believed in. It took me a while, but I took their words to heart."

"Did you figure out a new one?" Kokoro asked hesitantly.

"What did I say about the questions?" he joked. She rolled her eyes as she awaited his answer. "No, I haven't. Sensei says it takes time to develop one, especially after the old one was ripped apart and thrown away. I'm hopeful something will strike its way into my heart."

"Thank you for telling me," Kokoro said earnestly. "I don't know if I can give up my nindo, but I will keep your advice in mind." She was scared she wouldn't be able to figure something else out. If Junichiro hadn't, how could she? It'd been months since his teammate died, and he still hadn't figured out a new ideology to live by. Kokoro didn't have much time before the next Chunin Exams. She hoped someone responded to her letters. That would make her choice so much easier! If someone responded, she'd stick to her nindo, but if no one did, she'd try to scrap it and look for a new one. The latter was not her first choice.

Kokoro

What's going on? It's not like you to talk about trivial things in your letters. Something important must be on your mind. I know I haven't been the best friend in the past, but I am always here to help as much as I can. Even though you don't want to talk about it, I'm glad talking to me, even if it's through letters, helps alleviate your stress. You're a good person, Kokoro, and I don't want you to ever feel any negative feelings. I want you to be happy; I want to help in your happiness. I know it's not possible, but that's my only wish.

Nevertheless, it would be nice to know the little things about you. I always thought your favorite color was blue because of the blue bow you wear with your outfits. I had no idea you liked green, as well. Maybe it's a mixture of both that catches your eye? I'm curious as to why that's your favorite color now. My favorite color is red, but lately I've been attentive to gray. Gray is usually such a dull color that reminds people of despair and blandness, but I find myself seeing it as an accent. Gray accompanies so many different colors, and every time I can't help but see the way the gray makes the colors and everything around it that much more beautiful. I just wish the color was more abundant here.

Yes, my favorite food is still salted tongue. I also enjoy gizzard, both of which you probably won't enjoy. Must you always insult such a delicious delicacy? If I put it in front of you and told you it was beef, I guarantee you'd like it just as much as I do. You mentioned you like fish now. Fish can be salty, I think. I haven't had much fish, so I can't remember the taste exactly, but I remember it being salty when I ate it. Maybe eating fish will make your taste buds familiar with saltiness and therefore more interested in the taste of gizzard or salted tongue. Perhaps you can bring some of that creamy sauce with you.

I have some questions for you, in return. What is your favorite plant or flower? I am rather partial to the desert lily. What's one thing you'd love to do when you get the chance to visit Suna? I hope it is sooner rather than later, but I know you are very busy with settling down in Kirigakure. What's one thing you wish to have? It can be anything.

I am glad you have made a friend. From your letter, he sounds like he will make a great ally. I don't believe I know who you're talking about. I admit I was in a bloodthirsty rage during the exams, so I have no recollection of those around us. I am jealous that he gets to spend time with you and compliment you in person. If only I was there to tell you how pretty your eyes are. You must be training hard if your hand is hurting so much that you can't write. Please be careful with training. I don't want you to be put under too much pain. You are a wonderful person and shinobi, Kokoro. Always remember that when you go about your day.

I look forward to your next letter,

Gaara

Next Chapter: Kokoro graduates (again), meets her new team, and (tries) to get to know them