A/N: Lotta flashbacks here. Nothing is mine, it's all Shonda's and ABC's
Tell me how you close the door
Knowin' nobody could love you more
Tellin' all your friends that
This love is just made for bleedin'
Oh, hung upon the water
But still keep on, tryin' to breath in
Run, Run, Run- Kelly Clarkson ft. John Legend
He was always the early riser so to see him this early asleep was a rare occurrence. He'd be the one to stare at her while she was sleeping. A creepy yet comforting notion- though she'd never admit it.
But for once, she had beat him to it. Meredith had happened to rise early. His left arm under her pillow as his right arm lie lazily over her mid section as if he were securing her close to him. She turned over to the opposite side to see his eyes shut closed and brows doing that frown thing that Ellis and Bailey would do.
Then again, it was his birthday and she always made an effort to be up before him. To surprise him with birthday morning sex before the kids bursted through the door.
But something about this morning, made her pause and stare at his features. To memorize his face over and over again. He wasn't much different. His blue eyes still lit up with his charming smile. His head was still a head full of hair. He was still handsome, more if possible. But the jet black hair had turned into silver and gray curls. The wrinkles on his face printed the endless smiles he gave his children and her. The scars on his body marked the many times he nearly left her but fought hard enough to stay.
She ran a finger against his chin, feeling the bumps of morning stubble until she heard him hum.
"You're watching me sleep," he whispered as he kept his eyes closed.
"I'm waiting for you to wake up," she whispered back as she leaned closer to kiss his soft lips gently, "Happy Birthday."
Derek chuckled sleepily as he returned the kiss and kept his eyes closed, "Can we just skip this year-"
"Oh please, you love the attention and your Little Shepherds wouldn't forgive you for skipping a birthday," she scoffed as she scooted her body closer to him until his eyes hazily opened, "Hi."
"Hi," he smiled back, "You're not running away from my halitosis."
"You didn't nudge me last night," she retorted with a raised brow.
"I'm used to your snoring, it's almost a lullaby at this point," he teased, "I can't sleep without the loud, gargling music."
Meredith giggled as she entwined her hand with his. They remained silent for a moment, staring into each other's eyes before she broke the silence, "Do you know what you're birthday wish is going to be?"
"If someone had told me you'd ask me that years ago, I would've said they'd lost their mind," he snorted as he reached to push her hair back.
"Well, I've evolved," she smirked, "It's the happy, married, mom in me."
"Oh really?" he raised a brow.
"Yes, now are you gonna tell me?" Meredith insisted with yearning eyes.
He thought about it for a moment as he played with her hand in his, "Time. I wish for more time."
She raised her brows at the unexpected answer, "Time?"
"Mmhm," he nodded, "More time with the kids. More time to enjoy their childhood because they're growing up so fast. Soon they won't want to go fishing or ride the ferryboat for fun."
"I don't think that's happening anytime soon but go on," Meredith briefly added.
Derek shook his head in amusement before continuing, "I'd ask for more time to enjoy mornings like this one. Time to kiss my wife and tell her that I love her because God knows I've wasted so much of it."
"I really hope I'm the wife you're referring to here, Derek," she taunted.
He laughed heartily, his smile reaching his sparkling eyes. Some things never changed between the two. Their banter. Their effortless way of making each other smile. That look between them. And some had evolved. Grown. Like patience and understanding of each other's needs. Because even though they were very similar, the age difference between them reminded them that he had hit milestones and she was still climbing to reach some of them.
"I just want more time," he whispered again as he gently caressed her cheek, "With you and our kids. To watch whatever they choose to do in life."
Meredith stared into his eyes with a tender smile, "That's a good wish."
Another moment passed between them. He seemed nervous for a moment. As if what he were to say was embarrassing or as if he'd regret what would come out of his mouth.
"I'm gonna ask you something that may or may not kill this nice little mood we've got going on here," he rambled.
"What?" Meredith smile faded quickly as she picked up on his rambling. He never rambled. He was always confident and secure in his words.
"Has it ever," he sighed unable to find the proper words, "The gap between us? Has that- has it ever bothered you?"
"What? Derek, where is this-"
He clicked his tongue as he rolled onto his back almost embarrassed at what he asked, "I don't know I just-"
He sighed and ran a hand through his silvering hair and laid on his back. Meredith propped herself on her elbow and watched as he put together the puzzle in his head.
"I started thinking about it when Ellis asked my age last night at dinner," he muttered, "How there's this gap between us- you and me. It never bothered me before, even when Addison taunted me about it when she arrived in Seattle but-"
He ran his hand through his hair again as he looked to his wife for an answer.
"It did. But not in the way you're thinking," she confessed with a huff, "What bothered me was that you were so accomplished and I was playing catch-up."
"Mmm," he nodded as he recalled their seemingly never ending fights, "Does it still bother you now?"
"No," she shook her head, "Because Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey make an effort to stay at the hospital and I've finally caught up."
He smiled as he watched her beam with pride.
"When we're here- in our home- it's just you and I. You're just my husband. The father of my children. And the guy from the bar."
He smiled. Genuinely. The kind of smile that told her she'd made him content with her answer. Maybe not fully,but he accepted it.
"And," Meredith leaned in to kiss him fully and whispered huskily. Her hand roamed under the sheets until they reached their destination, "I think this you getting old this is kinda working for you and I don't foresee any performance issues anytime soon."
He returned the kiss with a chuckle as he helped her climb atop of him, "Oh really?"
"Mmhmm," she kissed him again before sitting up, "Now are we gonna keep talking about you getting old or are would you like your present now?"
He could've stayed in that memory forever. He'd turn back time to go back there if he could. But the door bursting open shook him back to reality.
"I heard you got a big offer from Hamilton," Amelia walked through the door to her brother's office, "Why the hell didn't I get one?"
"Who told you? Meredith?" he looked up at her only to see an enormous, smug grin gracing her features.
"Who else!" Amelia chuckled, "She seems like she wants to accept it."
There was a jump to her step as she reached the chair across from his desk. She sat down gleefully and he envied her for that. For not having such a heavy decision on her shoulders.
"She does," he eyed her carefully.
Amelia frowned, "Why am I getting the feeling that you're not on the same boat?"
"Amy-"
She scoffed, "Stop being an ass! Your wife is breaking medical ground and we got to be a part of that! You should be happy that-"
"Amy-"
"No! Don't Amy me! Your wife deserves your full support Derek. You know how hard-"
"Amelia!"
That caught her attention. Her full name.
"This. Has nothing. To do with me being jealous of my wife," he gritted, "I need you to understand that."
"This is about the doctor-"
"Yeah, this is about him," Derek shook his head, "And the fact that I'm trying- I'm trying to tell my wife exactly what I'm feeling but it all seems to come off as if I'm just a jealous prick-"
"Which you kinda are-"
"Alright, fine! I am," he raked his fingers through his hair, "I am doing exactly what I told you I never wanted to do-"
"Derek," Amelia shook her head, "This is more than-"
"No, I am," Derek insisted, "And I don't want to take this job because we were doing great. We were-we-"
If there was a time machine, he'd turn it back. He'd turn it straight back.
"We were happy. Our kids were happy. Zola was-," he sighed, "I just want things to go back to how they were before all of this mess."
Amelia pursed her lips sympathetically. She cared for her brother. Cared for his wife- who was also like her sister at this point. Her nieces and nephews were a part of her as she had a hand in raising them. She saw her brother hit rock bottom and nearly lose it all. And despite their fights and constant sibling bickering, she only wanted the best for him.
"When I first moved here, you and Meredith were at the lowest point in your marriage. You were fighting, bickering, glaring at each other, it was bad," she nodded with a grim look, "There was a brief moment I really thought you wouldn't make it."
Derek stared at his hands. He remembered that period. He was selfish and let his own arrogance get in the way of any possible happiness. He stood in her way even when he claimed he didn't. That dark cloud that hovered over him then, was slowly making his way back.
"I don't ever want to see you two that way. I don't want to see you both hurt that way again," his sister continued, "You're my brother, and I love you and she is my sister and I love her too. So if it's not working Derek, fix it."
Derek let out a snorted chuckle, "Mom said that to me when I left to D.C."
"I remember. The woman may be good at suppressing information from us but she's damn good at telling us the right thing when we need it," she chuckled.
Amelia reached over his desk and extended her hand. He took his sister's hand with a grateful look. Whatever animosity that once existed between the two had dissipated. It vanished and turned into bond of understanding. Because they were too similar in many ways. Because the trauma they had each experienced had hurt them in different ways. They felt so much and having those feelings scared them. So, she tried to suppress them with alcohol and drugs. And he tried to run from them by pushing everyone he loved away. But now they were both older and knew that they needed each other.
"Derek, you need to talk to her," Amelia whispered, "You need to tell her or else you will lose her."
He wanted to tell her. The voice in his head was screaming at him to tell her everything. That he was scared he'd push her away. That he was scared he wasn't enough anymore. That he was petrified that his daughter would think they weren't enough. That the fear of never being enough for their kids was very real. That everything they fought so hard for was slipping from his fingers and he was scared he'd never get it back.
"Dr. Marsh, you're the attending on this case?" Meredith asked as she tried to make sense of the situation. How the hell did she land here again?
"I am," he smiled, "I searched for the perfect candidate and your chief presented him to me."
She turned to Miranda who was beaming with pride. How was this not run past her as chief of general?
"And he's agreed to credit Grey Sloan when he publishes and we're doing it on a day when we so desperately need it," Bailey added, "It's a miracle and ground breaking medicine. Oh they're here!"
The doors opened as the class of residents stepped in.
"You got this Grey?" Bailey asked as she gripped her arm. She needed a win and she was certain that her top surgeon would be able to provide it.
Meredith turned to her, "Uh Chief, can I talk to you outside?"
Bailey looked at the transplant surgeon apologetically before following Meredith outside the room, "What's going on?"
Meredith bit her lips, "You walked in on Derek and I figh-"
"Uh-uh. No!" she stopped her, "Grey, you leave your personal issues aside. You know this. You both know this."
Personal problems were left outside the hospital. That was a clear policy Bailey tried to enforced. She tried to make sure that they didn't make the same mistakes that they had made years ago. Personal stayed personal. It stayed at home.
"I know, Bailey, but this time-"
"Uh! I know you two and whatever this is, set it aside because I need both your heads in the game and right now, Dr. Marsh and our residents need you. I need you! You got it?"
Meredith sighed, "Fine."
Miranda adjusted her jacket and gave her one final look. Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat and took a breathe.
You wanna know why I'm not ready to build a house with you? This is why! Because I cannot trust you!
You can't trust anybody. And no matter what I do, you're always gonna look for reasons not to trust me.
She had never given him a reason to doubt her. He was being unreasonable.
She was simply doing her job. He was clinging to the past.
She was not going to make the same mistakes he did. His guilt wasn't her problem.
I wish I could believe you.
You can I'm here.
I know how this works. I was your resident once. Seems like you came home because you thought you were in trouble.
The sound of the door opening interrupted her thoughts as a crowd of residents walked in expectantly.
"Dr. Bailey said you had something exciting for us today, Dr. Grey?" Helm asked with a smile.
Meredith nodded at her students, "We do. Follow me."
"When were you gonna tell me?"
Derek grimaced as he stared at the tablet intently, "Richard-"
"David Hamilton is poaching you and Meredith Grey?"
"Richard-"
"Shepherd, I thought we could count on you during this time," Richard gritted as the disappointment settled on his face, "You are on the board of this hospital and the hospital is-"
People in the hallway stared as they passed by. Richard Webber, Director of the Residency Program yelling at him while the same program was being assessed did not bode well today. They could not hash this out today.
"We weren't offered anything, Richard!" Derek interrupted, "Meredith was offered a contract, I was offered one on contingency that she accept."
"I knew it the minute he brought her to Minnesota! I knew this would happen and I warned you, didn't I?"
"You did, I know you did, and I'm sorry this is how you found out. There's just- there's," he puffed as he shook his head, "Richard there's a lot to consider. Our kids, our sisters, the hospital-"
Richard tried to read him, "You don't want to take the job."
Derek rubbed his face with one hand, "I promise you this has nothing to do with professional jealousy of my wife. I know it seems that way and I know I don't have a very good track history of being supportive-"
You will always be that hotshot surgeon and I will always be that young intern who fell in love with you!
That's how you see yourself that's not my problem. I can't do anything about that!
That is not how I see myself! That is the problem here!
"Derek?"
"Richard, right now, my family is my priority," he clarified, "I get you have high hopes for her and this hospital but right this second, my wife, my kids, my marriage are bigger than this hospital or any job for that matter."
"Shepherd-"
Derek couldn't do this. He shook his head in an attempt to stop the conversation before it ot any further, "And we have to focus on the program today. Now's not the the time."
Richard stepped back. He'd always had plans for Meredith Grey. He had high expectations that Meredith seemed to reach and then some. But the fine line between colleagues and family was easily overstepped between the two of them and this decision would make things messy.
"Well you better tell her that because we can't lose Meredith Grey either. It's her on that chair eventually, you know that."
Derek nodded. She'd be chief one day, they had joked about it several times. She'd run the damn place because everyone knew that without her, it would fall apart. Everyone would fall apart and they'd take the place with them.
Miranda made her way down the hall and waved at Derek, "Derek, we're ready for you."
He nodded and turned back to Richard.
"Discretion is appreciated Richard," Derek warned, "No one knows about this."
"Okay, Dr. Marsh, let's begin," she turned to the residents as they all listened intently.
"Right," he nodded, "This is Mason Taylor. He was declared brain dead after being hit by a drunk driver"
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Shepherd," the neurosurgeon whispered, "Dr. Shepherd was- is- a tremendous surgeon. Tremendously gifted. I long admired his techniques. It was an-"
"Stop talking about my husband like he's dead. You made wrong calls and nearly killed him-"
"We're not a trauma center, Mrs. Shepherd" the resident insisted.
"It's Dr. Grey!" she shouted, "He would tell you it's Dr. Grey if you had done your job right!"
Helm's voice interrupted her, "Um, if he's the donor then what's in the cooler?"
"Did I not mention that he's also the recipient?"
"Wait- I'm lost," Helm shook her head.
Nick chuckled, "Well, the kidney donor is a pig-"
Wright gasped, "We're doing a xenotransplant! A pig kidney into a human- brain dead- human man!"
Meredith couldn't help but smile at the excitement of her students. The last time she had seen them be this excited had been when she performed surgery on David Hamilton. But even then, they simply watched from the gallery. This time, however, they'd have a hand in helping. They'd scrub in and learn hands on. A unique offer that couldn't have been offered without Nick. Even she had to admit that.
Meredith tilted her head at her student, "Perez?"
"I'm just so confused!" he exclaimed with a light laugh.
The room laughed. Meredith turned to the fellow attending in the room. He chuckled alongside them and gave her a wide grin.
So am I, she thought.
"Dr. Shepherd, thank you for meeting with us," Jamarah Blake shook his hand as they all took a seat in the conference room. She was a confident and sharp woman. She seemed prepared and had already interviewed a handful of the attendings.
"I've followed your work for several years now, it's quite impressive," she acknowledged, "I imagine the residents must also be equally impressed?"
Derek shifted on the chair and provided a brief nod before smiling at Bailey, "I hope so. Chief Bailey makes sure her attendings are all at the top of their game. She doesn't let any of us slip."
"Dr. Shepherd is one of our founding board members along with Dr. Grey," she beamed proudly as she gave him a thankful smile, "He's also one of the residents' favorites."
"Mmm, yes, Dr. Shepherd has quite the reputation here," she shuffled through her papers, "And speaking of Dr. Grey, I have to ask - considering that you both met here and forged a relationship while she was a resident, actually an intern-"
There's no room for personal in being chief.
What is that supposed to mean?
How long have you been sleeping with an intern?
So I guess part of being chief is personal?
"Let me be absolutely clear," Derek cleared his throat as Richard's voice rang in his ears, "Dr. Grey and I engaged in a completely consensual relationship-"
"I mention it because Grey Sloan has a history of inapropriate sexual conduct here so we have to be thorough-"
He could see Bailey squirm in her chair and could practically see the grimace on her face.
"I understand and I'm making it clear that my marriage to Dr. Grey does not fall under that category," Derek emphasized.
"Noted, thanks," she nodded, "Now let me ask you this; considering the fact that you were an attending and she was a resident and then you were a department head when she was a fellow-"
"Is this an interrogation about my relationship with Dr. Grey or about our residency program?"
"Humor me for a second will you?" Jamarah asked as she took note, "Has your relationship ever been a problem when it came to your work with the residents or any cases at all?"
It was my mistake. You weren't even in the room!
My mistake was leaving you two alone. I can't believe you would do this.
Derek glanced at Bailey. Her face said it all. Of course it had. The Alzheimer's trial had been terminated after her indiscretion. They separated and they nearly lost their child for good. Meredith had allowed Lexie to remove a tumor without a plan and without Derek's consent. Meredith overstepped over and over again. And he overreacted over and over again.
"Dr. Grey and I know our limitations when it comes to our professional work and we make an effort to set an example for our residents as well," he cleared his voice.
"You took a leave of absence in 2015," she noted, "Can I ask why?"
I'm ordering a head CT. We don't have know the extent of his injuries-
We don't have time for a CT.
"I uh," Derek swallowed the lump in his throat, "I was in an accident and sustained injuries that forced me to step away. And then I felt the need to extend my leave until I was ready to fully return."
Bailey could feel him retreat into himself as he recalled the incident.
"I'm sorry to hear that it must've been difficult for you," Jamarah nodded as she took notes, "And at the time, your sister, Dr. Amelia Shepherd took over as Chief of Neurosurgery?"
"She had taken over that position since before the accident and she still holds it. She's an excellent teacher and the resident's love learning from her."
"Has that dynamic affected-"
"How could you do this to me?"
"I will talk to them! I will talk to all of them and I will fix it!"
"You're my brother!"
"If you are insinuating that the close bonds here at Grey Sloan have caused our program to-"
"Dr. Shepherd, I'm just doing my job. I'm not insinuating or implying anything," she shrugged, "We all want what's best for the residents who will be holding scalpels on their own in a short time."
He nodded, "I understand. And I want what's best for our hospital as well."
"I think that what Dr. Shepherd is saying is that," Bailey gave him a quick glare as she attempted to soothe the citation, "we are truly family here at Grey Sloan and out close bonds and relationships have only made it possible to instill to our students the importance of trust in our field."
Jamarah seemed unconvinced, "I'll ask one more question. You are the head of research and oversee projects that many of your doctors work on, yes?"
"That's correct," Derek sighed.
"How will the work that Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, and yourself affect the program? Sometimes these projects have an outcome in which doctors leave the program their in in favor of continuing the research."
"What the hell was that?" Miranda hissed as soon as they walked out of the conference room.
"I did my best, Miranda," Derek walked towards the elevator. The interrogation left him agitated and ready to leave the hospital.
"She just inferred that this project is going to-"
"Now's not the time to talk about this."
"Then when the hell is the time Derek? Because it seemed to me like you were trying to avoid answering the question," she growled. Her disappointment was evident and he was aware that she had caught onto his neutral answer to Jamarah's final question.
Derek placed both hands on his hips as she followed him into the elevator. She pulled the emergency lock and stared him down.
"What part of the story am I missing, Shepherd?"
If he told her the truth, Meredith would kill him. Meredith was ready to kill him. But he was literally deadlocked. Richard knew and it was only a matter of time that Bailey would too.
"You'll have to talk to Meredith, Miranda," he replied quietly.
She pushed the button and turned away from him. The minute the doors opened, Miranda stormed out.
"What happened?" Meredith asked as she entered the room.
"BP is" he motioned his thumb going downwards and blew a raspberry, "plummeting. He's not producing any urine."
"Oh," she sighed in disapointment as she turned back to the patient.
"Blood flow is not strong enough to profuse to the kidney so he's not producing any urine."
The patient lay on the bed. Meredith turned to him as she tried to come up with solutions.
"Did you try ebolis? Epi?"
"Maxed out one dopamine, atropine," Nick shook his head, "his wife is out there waiting for good news. We can try Epi."
"This is the worst part," she crossed her arms, "Telling someone they lost their person."
You know today in the waiting room? How did you know Sheryl was Holden's wife?
Waiting rooms are full of people hoping for good news. She was the only one who looked like she'd completely given up
"How does one do it?" Nick asked quietly, "Pick yourself up after losing so much? I just can't-"
"You try to live enough for them," she whispered, "It's not enough- it never is but there's comfort in knowing that you're trying. They'd want you to try."
"Sounds like you're talking from experience."
"I am," she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, "I've lost-I've-"
My mother is dead.
It's George!
I'm having a miscarriage.
Lexie's dead.
Everyone is leaving and everyone is dying!
"Then maybe it is time to take that offer?" he suggested, "Maybe this place has just, taken so much from you?"
He didn't know anything. He didn't know that she had lost her mother here. Susan Grey. George O'Malley. Izzie Stevens had abandoned them. A miscarriage. Mark Sloan. Her sister, Lexie. Cristina was halfway around the world. Alex followed Jo off to Boston. Jackson left after taking over the foundation.
And Derek. She'd nearly lost him one too many times. And he nearly lost her. Their children nearly lost both their parents.
Maybe Seattle was really cursed.
Oh God love you Mer! You know, so many horrible things have happened to you, and maybe you're okay with it, but you shouldn't be!
"If you had lost friends, sisters, mothers, and everyone you considered family left," Meredith quietly asked, "And you put your hands on a bomb, drowned, crashed on a plane, and nearly lost your spouse, you'd think that leaving was the right choice, right?"
Nick's eyes widened, "You're still here? After all of that?"
Meredith crossed her arms and turned to the man on the bench, "I need to ask you something."
"Shoot,' he offered.
Meredith stared at him before she asked. She had to ask. Because if she didn't, she'd be allowing whatever he was doing to continue. And a giant part of her was hopeful her husband was wrong.
"My husband is under the impression that you have some sort of infatuation over me," she began cautiously, "You aren't- I mean this is strictly- Look if we do decide to make a move to Minnesota-"
"You're taking the job?" Miranda stood by the door in disbelief. Heartbreak and anger were written all over her face.
"N-no-no, we haven't made a decision-" Meredith stuttered. It was evident Miranda knew about the offer.
"But I couldn't get the courtesy as your friend to know that you were considering it? How selfish could you be? I raised you! This hospital raised you! Taught you all that you know! And made all the concessions you needed-"
"You agreed because it benefitted the hospital," Meredith stepped closer to her as she tried to keep her voice calm.
"Of which you are the owner of!" she reminded her, "You and Derek never change do you? You're still the same arrogant people who are sneaking around breaking rules, having sex in cars, running around without caring about any of the consequences-"
"Enough!" Meredith shouted, "That's not fair! And you know better than that! My marriage isn't just any dirty cheap thing! You of all people know that!"
She could feel her heart break at the words Miranda aimed at her. Miranda was known to be tough on her, maybe moreso than her other former students, but to call her selfish and arrogant- and point fingers at her marriage- was an insult she never expected to hear from her.
"Okay maybe we should just calm-" Nick tried to stand between them.
"You stay out of it, I know where you stand," Bailey pointed at him before she turned to Meredith again, "You are still that girl who's chasing the attending-"
"Stop it!" Meredith's eyes widened, "I'm not chasing anyone! He wasn't offered the contract I was! Why the hell are you treating me this way?"
Bailey's breathe hitched. She looked like she was about to fall over as she held her chest.
"Bailey?" Meredith asked with caution.
Nick reached over to help her sit, "Okay let's get her down-"
"Bailey!"
Her eyes closed as her hand clenched on the blouse. And then the world went dark.
"What happened?"
Meredith looked up at Derek as he ran out of the elevator. Meredith stood outside watching Maggie tend to Miranda, "I need her to be okay, I need her-"
"Meredith? What happened?"
"She-she came in and she," Meredith turned to her husband as she brushed the lone tear away, "Did you tell her? Did you mention Minnesota? Did you tell her about the job offer?"
Derek pursed his lips together and ran a hand through his hair, "She put it together. I didn't want to confirm anything. I told her to talk to you."
He walked over to stand next to her against the counter. He watched as Maggie spoke to Miranda and turned to his wife. He could see the concern in her eyes. The nervousness as she fiddled with the skin around her nails.
"Meredith?"
"She called us selfish. Called me selfish," she whispered.
Derek turned to her slowly, "What?"
"She was pissed and she told me that I wasn't thinking about her or the program and basically told me I was anything but loyal," she swallowed the tears that formed in her eyes, "And then she mentioned you and said that we were still the same arrogant people who were sneaking around breaking rules without caring about any of the consequences."
Derek tried to read her through the heartbreak written all over her face, "Mer-"
"She still sees me as the intern who is chasing you around and I'm not that person anymore, Derek."
If you think I'm gonna stand back and watch while you favor her-
I don't favor her! She's good.
I'm sure she is.
"You never chased me around Meredith," he whispered, "You know that."
"Well she just revealed everything she thinks about me. She thinks I'm disloyal and you're pissed at me because that's exactly what's going on through your head." Meredith muttered.
Derek closed his eyes briefly as he let out a huff, "That's not what I said. I never said you were disloyal-"
"You implied it Derek." she stated numbly, "You threw a big tantrum and accused me of letting a colleague get closer."
"Hear me out, please, just hear me out," he begged, "My arrogant ass is pushing you away, I know I am, and I shouldn't be. I know you- I trust you!"
"Doesn't feel like it, Derek," her tone was ice cold as her gaze remained on Bailey, "It feels like you're just trying to find a way to blame me."
"I'm sorry, I am," Derek moved to stand in front of her forcing her eyes on him, "You're right, I'm not being fair to you. I-"
"Dr. Grey!" Wright ran down the hall, "Dr. Marsh asked us to tell you that the patient is producing urine!"
Timing. Timing was everything. A doctor would tell you that minutes, seconds were everything. One second too late or one second too ealy could mean fatal disasters.
She should've been excited. Thrilled even. But instead, Meredith released a slow sigh, fully knowing that as soon as she turned, her husband- who was finally admitting his feelings- would be fuming.
"Nick Marsh is in this hospital?" Derek asked cautiously.
"Yeah!" the resident replied enthusiastically, "We just scrubbed in on a xenotransplant with him and Dr. Grey."
Meredith winced as she slowly turned to face him, "Derek-"
"Dammit, Meredith-" He pushed himself off the counter and walked away to the door concealing the stairs.
Wright was confused, "Should I tell Dr. Marsh that-"
Meredith ignored the resident as she followed the blazing steps ahead of her.
It's unforgivable.
I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me!
"It was a xenotransplant surgery that Bailey asked me to scrub in because the residents-"
"Fine, I get it," he called back as the sound of their steps clanged against the metal floors.
"Derek, listen to me! Marsh has nothing-"
"Were you gonna tell me he was here?" he asked, "After our argument this morning, were you going to tell me-"
"Was this how you were going to react if I told you?" she shouted back, "Because if it is, do you think that I wanted to tell you?"
Frustration filled within him, "I told you from the beginning that he-"
"He hasn't done anything, Derek," she desperately insisted, "I haven't done anything! You are over-"
"No! Stop! I'm done," he shouted as he turned to continue down the stairs, "I'm done talking about this and I'm done fighting over this"
Meredith tried to follow him, "Derek, what the hell does that mean?"
Derek turned to face her one final time, "I'm gonna tell you the exact same thing that you told me years ago."
"You are overreacting!"
You're asking me to choose between this job and my family?
"I am not going anywhere! I am staying here!"
A/N: OOF! How are you doing?
Finding the balance between what happens in the season and where I see this story going is nuts but oh man is it fun to pin these two against each other! The goal here is to show Meredith's frustration at Derek and also the conflict of leaving vs. staying and to show Derek's insecurities as time has passed.
How were the flashbacks? How was this chapter?