Rule Fifteen | Don't Panic

"This is bullshit!"

"Have you tried getting good?"

"Fuck you, Emmett."

"I told you this wouldn't go well."

"You too, shortie."

With a gasp, Alice rested her hand on her chest. "How dare you."

Bella only snorted, the little plastic wheel she was turning, frantic, only another loss or two away from cracking in her grip. "How the hell does he even-"

She was cut off by Emmett's cheer as his little baby Mario puttered over the finish line in a glorious, pixelated display of smoke and fire. Tires skidded across the track and kicked up sparks as the computer took over and drifted him around the corner like some goddamn action star.

"Bullshit."

"And this is why I don't play with Emmett," Jasper drawled, one arm slung around Alice's shoulders and a small smirk twisting his lips as he watched Bella glower. "Except for shooters."

"Bet you kick his ass in those."

"No-"

"-Yes."

"Okay. Maybe." Pinching his fingers, Emmett floundered. "Sometimes."

"Jazz kicks his ass every time."

"Cool. Your turn?"

Reaching across Alice, Jasper grabbed the controller already being offered to him. "Fine by me."

"Won't win this time." Emmett grinned, determined.

"I'm sure I won't."

Alice, meanwhile, rolled her eyes and detached herself from her husband, plopping down next to Bella and looking up at her. "So?"

Humming, Bella canted her head. "What?"

"Any more questions?"

"I could ask you that. I thought I'd get chased out of town if you guys figured out what I was. And you didn't just figure me out, you walked in on me eating."

"Like I said, we've had run-ins with ghouls before. And you're alright. You're not territorial, like the others, and you're not crazy either."

"You sure about that?"

"Okay. Not too crazy, kakuja withstanding. But yeah." Alice shrugged lazily, watching out of the corner of her eye as Jasper trounced Emmett. "We've each had a century, at minimum, to see the world and watch it grow. To push you away when we've had to consort with proper monsters? It would be silly, to say the least."

"And what makes a proper monster?" Bella asked, her jaw dropping as- Jesus, Jasper, how the hell did you even pull that off?

"Power and time. The leaders of our world are ancient and… pragmatic with their cruelty. If it wasn't for you they would have killed half the ghouls from Miami to Montreal - man, woman, and child. A culling, so to say."

"They'd kill them? All of them?"

"The Volturi like to think of it as population control. You have too many wolves on the preserve, well, you have to remove some so that the deer can flourish."

"And what do you think?"

"I think it's abhorrent."

"...Then what does that make me?"

"A survivor."

Dimly, Bella felt as Alice squeezed her arm and glanced at her. "A survivor, huh?"

"It's the difference between a bear hunting for food and a factory farm. One is based on necessity, but the other?" A click of the tongue, and Alice shook her head. "The other is planned excess. It's methodical. At least, I think that's what I'm trying to say."

"Is that why I'm still here? Doing this?" She asked, gesturing to the television just as Jasper popped the top of Emmett's digital head like a ripe grape.

"You're still here because you're my friend, and because you're nothing like the man you ate."

"And how can you know that?"

"Because Edward could still hear him thinking. The man was cursing himself for underestimating you, but he thought that if he hunted your family first you would have been easier prey."

"You could still hear him… even when-?"

"Even when there was nearly nothing left."

"Fuck… jesus."

"What can I say? Vampires are resilient creatures."

The sudden thud of feet on stairs made them all turn to see Carlisle come thundering into the living room, and somehow his face looked even more pale than it usually was - which suddenly begged the question, how did vampires live without a beating heart? Bella frowned, choosing to ignore that.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I've discovered something miraculous looking at the sample you gave me," Carlisle spoke, hands waving with frenetic energy. He swallowed heavily. "My apologies, I've barged in on you all."

"It's fine, right?" Emmett and Jasper both nodded, pausing the game. "So, uh- what's up with me?"

"I'm so glad you asked. I noticed that your finger still retained a great deal of warmth even after being removed, and after putting it and some of your blood under the microscope I noticed something odd, even for a ghoul. Your capacity for healing and regeneration is, to put it plainly, beyond anything ever before recorded."

"So… I can regrow my limbs faster than other ghouls? I kinda' knew that already." Rolling one shoulder, Bella slapped her left bicep. "I've had to grow this one back a couple times."

"Not like that." Shaking his head, Carlisle walked over and stuck a few sheafs of paper in Bella's hands. Fumbling, she looked them over only to give up after a few seconds, not understanding in the slightest what it was she was actually looking at - closeups of her blood cells and whatever else, she didn't know.

"I'm not a doctor, Carlisle."

Sighing, he took them back. "I'm sorry, again, it's a force of habit from work. What you're seeing in that image is your cells attempting to look for your body so they can reattach your missing limb. They're… strained, in essence, and far more distant from one another than they would normally be. Your finger actually began to grow into another hand before halting and, if my guess is correct, I believe if your body was destroyed and you had - say - only a finger remaining, you would regenerate an entirely new body from it in the span of an hour, give or take."

"Wait, wait-" Putting her hands up, Bella stood. "Are you saying I'm indestructible?"

"You'd certainly be very, very difficult to kill. Think… being thrown into a volcano, or a cremation chamber."

"How is that even possible?"

"If my assumption about how your 'ability' works is correct," he said, making air quotes with one hand. "Then you have what I'd call a 'shield.' Until this moment I believed it to protect your mind and body from the intrusions of other powers, such as Alice or Jasper's. Like them, other vampires sometimes gain abilities upon turning. In Alice's case she had them beforehand, even as a human, though far lesser. In your case, I believe these abilities turned outward into something more physical as opposed to mental, perhaps because of the difference in our species. We can't know for sure, seeing as your cells reacted violently to the small bit of venom that I introduced to them-"

"-Venom?"

"Yes, we produce venom. Almost all of our body fluids become replaced by it. Blood, spit, and so on."

"Alright, alright, so- so I have a shield? I regenerate fast, is that my deal?"

"Bella, you regenerate faster than any other ghoul that exists, or will exist. Your body works with such efficiency that you're effectively unaging. You're not simply shielded from damage to your body, you're shielded from the passing of time."

"I'm shielded from…"

I don't age?

"What?"

The room grew further and further away, yet seemed to close in all at once. As it did Bella's vision began to tilt, turning blurry, fading at the edges. A distant part of her could feel her heart as it began to run a gallop, picking up speed until it reached a furious pace, bashing against her ribs like knuckle on bone. She took a few steps forward, staggering, and reached to her side only to grab nothing but air. Flailing, Bella toppled over, massive hands catching her by the waist just as her legs were cut out from under her.

I don't age.

She could see nothing but a vague suggestion of a room around her. Hear nothing but the pounding of her own heart and that churning whorl of blood rushing past her ears. Her hands pawed clumsily at the carpet beneath her and dug into the fabric, into the wood that lay below it, and curled until sawdust and ragged flecks of canvas squeezed out from between her fingers.

I'm immortal. I'm immortal. I'm immortal.

On and on that thought went, ricocheting off the corners of her mind until it picked up a blistering pace, enough that it should have manifested - become reality - and burst out of her skull in a haze of meat and bone. Bella wished it would, dimly, that the thought would pop her head open and paint the walls with her final hurrah. Instead her heart clenched, her gut roiled, and Bella nearly threw up on the spot as she realized what it meant.

She'd have to kill, time unyielding, until she herself was killed or, realistically, took her own life. Suicide wasn't and hadn't ever been an option, but all of a sudden it became that much more tangible. How many lives could she save if she ended her own right now? How many people who were entirely undeserving of their eventual fate would avoid ending up on her dinner plate?

But she couldn't. She couldn't. Otherwise- otherwise her mother would have died for nothing. Otherwise Renee's empty, gore-stained stare would become nothing but a meaningless sacrifice, unwitting or not. And there was so much she wanted to do, to see, to enjoy and experience and-

Bella retched, just barely choking down her own sick.

She couldn't do it. She refused to do it. The thought alone was so anathema, so horrifying that she physically recoiled, pushing back into a cold, strong body that hunkered over her as though a crooked mountaintop. Bella knew, deep down, that a younger version of herself would have killed for such an opportunity. The chance to live as long as she wished unfettered by the passage of time nor the aches and pains that came with it. The dwindling of the self and the mind, a horrifying sight that had been etched into the deepest recesses of her being after witnessing her grandfather succumb to a slow, steady death of all that he ever was. All that remained at the time of his final breath was a husk. A husk that spoke, that asked questions that never made any sense, reeking of his own detritus and - occasionally - cursed with a single, terrible moment in which he was conscious of the horror bestowed upon him only to slip away once more.

And Bella would kill. She would continue to kill, over and over and over until the bodies buried in her wake would number in the thousands and beyond. Because she knew herself, and she understood that deep down she'd never take that choice even when offered and it would only take screaming, furious duress to stifle her heart once and for all.

So she clutched at the heavy arm that held her, shaking, until she realized what, or who it was, and the pain they must be in. Her fingers retracted from Emmett's arm with a pop, thin cracks wrapping around his elbow that leaked a viscous, translucent silver. He shook it off without a word or grunt, patting Bella on the shoulder and softly asking, "Do you want me to let go of you?"

Still beyond words, Bella nodded, just barely holding herself up on one trembling arm as Emmett retreated, but didn't move away. Instead he sat beside her, and she looked up to see not pity, but understanding in his gaze, and Bella realized he too - all of them, in fact - had come to the same conclusion as her. Not just about Bella, but about themselves. How long did it take them to learn that humans weren't the only option for them, and did they simply resign themselves to a life of murder for the sake of their own existence?

Carlisle had never tasted human blood, she remembered, her foggy gaze slowly drifting to his still form. He stood rigid as a statue, the papers in his hands crumpled and torn. What drove him, so many years ago?

It took her a moment to see that Rosalie had arrived, standing next to Carlisle with not just understanding in her eyes but such a deep, all encompassing empathy that even Bella could read it as clear as day.

"You heard?" she managed to say, her voice quieter than she could ever remember it being.

"Carlisle needs to work on his bedside manner."

While Esme shot Rosalie a flabbergasted, almost offended look on her behalf, all Bella did was laugh. Somehow Rosalie knew exactly the right words to say to her, and ever so slightly the horror dimmed and the tiniest sliver of sunlight peeked through the cracks of her conscience. "He does."

With that Rosalie nodded and then strode over, passed Bella, and sat herself down on the couch noticeably closer than she'd ever sat near Bella before. If she chose to ignore Rosalie's little confrontation in the library, that was, but to Bella that didn't exactly count as an interaction and instead more of an interrogation.

"Fuck, sorry about all that, I just-"

"It's fine. You have nothing to apologize for," Esme babbled. "It's an impossible idea to be confronted with, and you reacted far better than many of us did."

"How did you react?"

"I screamed for… how long was it?"

"Four hours," was Carlisle's succinct response.

"Four hours."

"I killed seven men," Rosalie uttered, and her tone brokered no follow-up question.

From behind Bella, Jasper spoke, no hint of shame in his voice. "I cried for days. I could feel other's emotions battling within me, and my own were so strong I could barely move."

She grunted and slowly stood up, a weary glance at the destroyed floor at her feet garnering an instant response from Esme. "Don't worry, I'll have that fixed in no time."

"Are you sure? I-"

"Please, it's fine. These walls and floors have been smashed to pieces more times than I can count. The plight of having so many young vampires in one house."

"Alright, alright…"

Still dazed, Bella stumbled back to the couch and sat down, staring at the wall ahead. Alice, meanwhile, slunk up beside her and patted her knee. "You alright?" she asked, biting her lip. "It's… a lot to take in."

"I don't know. I'm scared, really. I don't… I don't really know what to think. Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"You're saying I'm… immortal?"

"You are. In the same manner that we're immortal."

"So I'm… I'm what? Forever seventeen?"

Alice tilted her head. "You're nineteen, aren't you?"

"I was changed at seventeen."

"Makes you one of us then. I was nineteen." She pointed at herself, then made her way around the room. "Same for Jasper. Rosalie was eighteen, Emmett twenty, and Edward was seventeen."

"And… what should I expect?"

"If you don't want to be a nomad? A lot of highschool and college. You'll have to get used to it. And Bella?"

"What?"

Before Alice spoke she turned her gaze to Carlisle and Esme, giving them an inquisitive look. Carlisle's eyes widened, and he nodded. "Of course."

"Of course what?"

"You're an immortal, like us, and… if you'd like it, you could be a part of our coven. You don't have to say anything now, you could even leave and then find us again in a century, and the offer will still stand. It's a terrible thing, to be immortal and alone, and you'll always have a place with us."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"But I'm a ghoul, I'm not- I'm not a vampire. And you don't feed off people which- do they die when you feed on them?"

"Either they're drained dry or they eventually turn. In either case, it's death. Just a different kind."

"Then you choose to save people. You can't- why would you let someone like me into your family when I can't decide? I won't… I won't ever be able to stop."

Clearing his throat, Carlisle spoke. "For a time, Edward used his powers to hunt down those who murdered or did far worse to others. It was his choice, and while I myself will never do the same I'm no stranger to death. We do what we must to survive."

"I kill people. I eat them."

"As all ghouls do."

"I don't-"

"Everyone eats, correct? Ghoul, human, vampire, we all consume. Yet there are those out there who would do unimaginable harm to others not through any necessity but because they can, and because they enjoy it." Taking a deep breath, he muddled over his thoughts for a moment. "I don't feel I'm explaining myself as best as I'd hoped, but what I'm trying to say is that in the world we live in, one already steeped in death, you make a conscious decision about what you choose to eat. You've said yourself that you go out of your way to hunt other ghouls and, what else, if I may ask?"

"Murderers. Rapists. People I hear or catch in the act."

"Then continue doing so, and I foresee no issues in your inclusion to our coven. That is, if you decide to accept."

"You're serious."

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because I trust Alice. And while she's had many difficulties in seeing you, what she has seen has been nothing but positive. Except for today's events, it seems. Are you a danger to us?"

She shook her head emphatically. "No. Not unless you're a danger to me."

"Then once more, I see no issue with it." He smiled patiently at her. "Don't doubt yourself so much, Bella. You're young and have had the world forced upon your shoulders, yet you've done remarkably well in trying to live as kind a life as you can. I looked up Mantis when I was in my lab, and do you know what I found? I discovered that you're one of the only ghouls in the continental United States without an active kill order from Homeland. If those in charge of your kind's extermination see no reason in hunting you down, then I'd say you've done quite well for yourself in the grand scheme of things."

Bella nodded for what felt like the fiftieth time that day, and just like that it all caught up with her. The fight, the breakdown, the discussions, the high, it all piled up so high that it had to come crashing down, and hard. Even her eyes felt tired, lids dragging as she blinked and her every movement slow.

"I think I need a nap."

The instant those words left her lips she found herself drifting, falling backwards into the plush warmth of the sofa and shutting her eyes.

A nap would do her good.

-::-

It was with confusion that Bella woke, the room dim and unfamiliar. A show played quietly in the background, quick quips and snarky drama drifting from a much too expensive speaker set bolted against the far wall. In a haze, she tilted her head to see most of the Cullens sat around her, Emmett offering her a lopsided smile and a jerk of the chin. She frowned as she took her phone out of her pocket, flipping it open to see the time.

Four in the morning.

Yawning, Bella looked around the room with half-lidded eyes until the previous day's events caught up with her and those lids snapped open, her heart stuttered once, and every head in the room turned to look at her.

For a moment she stared back, her jaw quirked in the way it always did before a fight. Yet no fight came and Bella had to remind herself that they'd accepted her, miraculously, and she didn't need to worry about the Cullens. That thought alone left her shoulders sagging and a breathy sigh escaped her lips as Bella sank into the couch, half of her attention directed towards the television where an old episode of Buffy played.

"Really? She found herself asking, pointing at the TV. "Buffy?"

"What? It's fun."

Even Rosalie nodded an affirmative, though she didn't speak, and Bella chuckled quietly. "Fucking surreal."

There she was, sitting in a room full of vampires as they watched Buffy, and somehow it was perfectly fine. The concept alone was ludicrous, yet it clicked in a way that was entirely unfamiliar to her. It took her a few moments to realize she was comfortable, a feeling that had long become alien to Bella what with her usual day-to-day of research and survival, wondering if the roof over her head would soon be replaced by rainy skies and a bed of wet cardboard.

And then she remembered her immortality.

It was like all the warmth in the room had been sucked out of it, siphoned from an open window like blood from a vein.

What the hell am I going to do?

For the last two years she'd built up an idea in her head, a dream - a frivolity - that involved her growing peacefully old after decades spent living under the radar. Bella wanted to get a job that would allow her to work from home, to never have to see another person unless she wished to do so and instead collect pay cheque after pay cheque until she knew for certain that unless Homeland came knocking at her door, she'd never have to want for shelter ever again.

She could still do that, but it wouldn't ever end. Not unless she wanted it to or managed to get herself killed, which sounded like far more effort than any reasonable person should go to even for the sake of putting her in the ground.

So Bella did what she did best and chose to ignore it, wrestling with the thought until she could cram it in a metaphorical box which was swiftly shuttered with yet more metaphorical chains and a comically oversized padlock. She had forever to worry about it, after all.

"Feeling better?" Jasper asked, studying her with his usual, inquisitive gaze.

"A bit."

"Good."

Bella almost asked them why in the hell they were still awake until she remembered they didn't sleep. "Is this what you normally do?" she asked instead. "Watch reruns at four in the morning?"

"We all have hobbies. I make things in my free time. Horseshoes, knives, saddles… the sort of tools I used to make back when I still needed to."

"Huh."

"I hunt when it's the right season. Otherwise, games," Emmett said, canting his head towards the TV. "Blew my mind when pong came out and I've been hooked ever since."

That seemed to spark something in the rest of the room, and Alice decided to speak. "I've always loved fashion and historical clothing. Making and researching clothes has always been a passion of mine and… it's just fun, you know?"

Her head turned to Rosalie, who only said one word. "Cars."

"Neat. Uh- you must all be really good at what you do then, with, you know- a century to get good at it."

Something sparked in Alice's eyes and she grinned at Bella. "You should see what Rosalie can do to a beater, let alone a nice car. She could have your truck purring in a week."

"Alice."

Confused, Bella looked between the two of them. "That's… fine? I think? My truck runs alright all things considered."

"It really doesn't."

"Are you actually talking to me right now?" Pointing at the ceiling, Bella wondered if she was still asleep. "Is this real?"

All Rosalie did was glare at her. At least, it felt and looked like a glare but with her, Bella didn't really know. And she continued to glare at her for far longer than was comfortable until Bella was ready to shout something more than uncalled for when Rosalie finally, blessedly spoke.

"Bring your truck by and I'll take a look at it. Alice can drive you to school."

"I can walk-"

"Nearly an hour each way? You need to learn to keep up appearances if you want to enjoy this life. No." She shook her head, standing, and the look she gave Bella sparked something in her. Sparked what exactly, she didn't know, but she didn't like the feeling.

"Bring your truck by in the next week, otherwise I'll assume you don't want it fixed which, again, it desperately needs." Pausing, Rosalie seemed to mull over her thoughts before she smirked. "You'll kill the poor thing if you wait too long. You wouldn't want to do that, would you?"

"No. No I wouldn't."

She hummed. "Good."

And with that Rosalie left, Emmett socking Bella in the arm and grinning. "Gonna' get your truck fixed, huh?"

"Apparently."

What the hell just happened?

Never before had Bella been so goddamn confused, even when she was running barefoot and bloody through the streets of Phoenix. She decided then and there that Rosalie was weird, very much so, and the less she had to deal with her the better - invitation to the coven or not. If she accepted, Rosalie could just be her… bitchy not-sister or something.

Yeah, that worked. Bella's bitchy, confusing pseudo-family.

At least Emmett was cool. And Jasper. And Alice. And, really, all of them now that she thought about it, even Rosalie. Sort of. Not to mention Carlisle and Esme, who seemed like people she could get along with, Esme most of all, and… well, she'd forgotten entirely about Edward but that can of worms could wait for another day. He certainly wouldn't be happy to find out she'd been invited to join their little family and, while the idea was tempting, it had become even more so just for the fact that she knew it would piss him off.

So Bella continued to do what she did best and tried desperately to live in the moment, all the while that locked and shuttered box in the back of her mind rattled about. And no matter the way her foot tapped or her fists ground flat against the top of her thigh, she didn't voice the worry that brimmed inside her.

She didn't say a word when it finally came time to leave after having sat silent, watching far too much television to the point where her eyes stung and her thoughts flowed as thick as molasses.

She hardly spoke when she got home, thanking Alice for the ride and waving at her dad as she walked in and made an excuse about being tired. Not much of an excuse, seeing as she was still exhausted, but it was an excuse to avoid talking to him all the same.

And still, Bella said nothing when she walked into her room to see a little plastic cooler sat on top of her bed. A cooler with a note on top, sealed into an off-white envelope that was stained at the corner with a drop of fresh blood, the name Victoria signed with more of that deep, sweet crimson in an elaborate, cursive scrawl.

She didn't speak when she opened the cooler to see a hand inside. Very much human, very much fresh, laid gently on a bed of ice and flanked with fresh-picked wildflowers. The bright purple of hollyhock poked out from beneath the palm and was wet with frosty dew, sprigs of lewisia jutting out from in between.

Bella continued to stare at the hand until her frantic gaze raised to her open door and she ran over and shut it. After that she quickly took the cooler and stuffed it underneath her bed. Shakily, Bella opened the envelope only to find a single sentence inked across the page in mouthwatering red.

For you, for freeing me, and for opening my eyes.

- V

Setting the letter down, Bella took in one, sharp breath, and then stifled the scream that threatened to pour out of her open mouth. Instead, she spoke.

"What the fuck."