Chapter Twenty Two

"You're making a mistake."

Melissa's head snapped sideways to find Gabby leaning up against the fence a few yards to the right of the gate. The first thing that stood out was that Gabby had cropped her hair quite short. She hadn't noticed that morning but she pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to be distracted by sympathy for the ordeal her ex was still recovering from. "Thought you were resting."

"Yeah, should be." Gabby shrugged and pushed away from the wall. "But I heard you talking with Maura and I needed to talk to you."

Melissa moved closer to Gabby just to avoid standing in front of the gate where Maura might notice something was going on. "I'm not interested in what you have to say."

"I get your pissed but I'm not sorry about this morning."

"I don't care." Melissa ground out slowly.

"She's using you Kiddo," Gabby tried a softer, friendlier tact to get Melissa to at least entertain conversation.

Melissa rolled her eyes and shook her head in annoyance. "You don't know shit."

"I know she's in love with Maura."

"And?" Melissa asked, folding her arms across her chest and staring down her ex-girlfriend.

"And you deserve better than that." Gabby hated that Melissa was allowing herself to fall into whatever it was she was falling into with someone whose heart was not so readily available. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

For the first time in her life Melissa didn't want to hear it. Gabby had spent years pulling away, only to come crawling back to a place so close but just out of reach and she was tired of it. "You don't want me to let go do you? You just want to punish me for the rest our lives for a mistake I made six fuckin' years ago."

"I'm not trying to punish you Missy. God, I just… I can't just turn off how damn much I loved you all these years. I can't just sit back and watch you break your own heart like that. Jane is bad news."

"Jane is honest. Jane hasn't promised me a thing, but she cares Gabby. She genuinely fuckin' cares, and I need that alright?" She knew she was starting to get worked up, years of pent up emotion ready to explode. "She doesn't judge me, she just sees me for who I am. She sees me. Not some ghost of me."

The more she listened the angrier she got. On an intellectual level she knew that Jane had to have been a pretty decent person to be Maura's best friend, but she had the most visceral hatred for Jane she just couldn't shake. "Enough." She growled, "You're acting like there's some kind of future for you with Jane. She's only gonna end up goin' home and what then huh?"

"What the hell does it matter to you Gabby?" Melissa asked, mildly frustrated at Gabby's insistence at trying to blow up the one good thing she had found in recent times.

Gabby huffed air out of her lips, stuffed her hands in her sweat pants and turned away, pacing a few steps before turning back, opening her mouth to speak only to close it again and shake her head. She repeated her pacing process, unable to bring to words the cacophony of emotions swirling inside. Things weren't as clear in her head since the accident. Her temper was shorter. She had anxiety. She just hadn't felt at all like herself. The last thing she needed was to be confronting Melissa in the state she was in and yet she had. Finally she turned and looked again at her ex and shrugged, "I dunno, okay. I don't know."

Melissa's eyes narrowed as realisation dawned on her. "I thought this was all about Jane's feelings for Maura. I thought you were just being an angry fool…"

Gabby noticed Melissa take several steps toward her and backed up accordingly. "Just don't go there."

Melissa shook her head softly as she stopped a few inches short of Gabby, who had accidentally backed up into the fence. "You're jealous of her with me aren't you? This isn't about protecting me. This is you being straight up jealous."

"I told you," Gabby said very slowly, "I can't just turn off years of loving you."

"So what did you think was going to happen here?" Melissa asked, her heart breaking a little at the timing, while her mind was feeling a little perturbed.

Gabby turned her head and stared absently down High Street, anything to avoid making eye contact. "I don't know," she replied tiredly.

"You think I was just going to agree with you and distance myself from Jane and return to pining after you while you lived your happily ever after?" Melissa's tone was accusatory. "Or did you think you could have your damn cake and eat it too?"

Gabby's head snapped back at that accusation. She could see the storm raging in Melissa's eyes and realised they were in a really bad place. "I'd never do that." She snarled. "Never!"

"Never what?" Melissa asked, her irritation bleeding through into her tone. "You'd never cheat on someone you love? Like me right? That's what you're sayin' right?"

"Yeah," Gabby stood tall and stared straight into Melissa's eyes and quite coldly said, "Exactly."

Melissa took a step back like the words were an actual body blow. This was the most honest Gabby had been about her feelings in a very long time and it hurt as much as it did the day Gabby had walked away from them. There wasn't a day that had gone by that she didn't regret what had happened with Rachael and she had spent six years denying herself forgiveness for it. Not any longer. "Let it go, for your own damn sanity."

"What do you think I've been trying to do for the last six years?" Gabby asked incredulously. "I've been trying to let you go but you keep sucking me back in and it's doin' my head in."

"How do you think I feel huh? Six fuckin' years waiting for you to forgive me so we could be us again. Six fuckin' years of you making me think just maybe you will, but you never do. Six fuckin' years of giving up my damn dreams for you."

"No. Don't put that on me. I never…"

"You didn't have to," Melissa yelled. "You didn't fuckin' have to. You knew I would wait for you and you just fuckin' let me."

"Missy, please." Gabby was concerned her yelling would draw Maura's attention and that was the last thing she needed. "Not here okay."

"What? Worried your pretty little girlfriend will find out you're still pining for me huh?" Melissa knew she was just being mean, but she couldn't stop the pain pouring forth through hurtful, spiteful words. They were in the middle of a reckoning, six years in the making. "Well I don't give a shit. You took it all from me Gabby, acting like you care. You're just a vindictive bitch."

Gabby's brows furrowed in confusion. She knew Melissa had finally snapped and her emotional viscera was showing, but she had no idea what she had ever done that could be considered vindictive. She had gone above and beyond being there for a woman who had betrayed her on the deepest level. She had been a friend, she had cared, she had supported and yeah maybe loving her from a distance had been the wrong thing for both of them, but never had she been vindictive. "What are you talking about?"

"Three weeks locked away," She spat bitterly. "You honestly thought that the national team wouldn't find out?"

Gabby slumped back against the fence, all fight in her dissipating. She looked up at Melissa and shook her head in disbelief. "No… God Missy, no. I didn't think…"

"No, you clearly didn't." Melissa punched the side of her own leg and turned away. She couldn't begin to process the rawness of her emotions. Love and hate were so closely intertwined. "Six fuckin' years."

"I'm so sorry," Gabby genuinely hated how things had transpired. Her heart ached for Melissa's lost opportunity, and that she had been the cause of it. She closed the distance between them and put a comforting hand on Melissa's shoulder, "I don't blame you if you hate me."

Melissa shrugged away from the touch and turned to stare Gabby in the eyes. In that moment she knew that she was the vindictive one in the situation, she had cracked. Knowing precisely the impact of her next words she said, "I loved Rachael."

Gabby grimaced outwardly, but held her ground while her insides felt like they were caving in on themselves. She simply nodded and numbly accepted the words as gospel.

Stepping really close, she whispered in Gabby's ear, "And I love Jane, maybe even enough to encourage her to chase what she really wants."

Gabby pushed Melissa away and stumbled back into the wall, sliding down to the ground. She could barely breathe through the agony coursing through her chest. Hot tears bit her cheeks and in that moment she wasn't too proud to pull her knees into her chest and just cry. She just wasn't the same person she once was, and she hated it. She hated giving Melissa the satisfaction of seeing how badly her words had hurt her. She hated it, but she couldn't stop it.

Seeing Gabby so broken made Melissa almost instantly regret her actions, but she couldn't back down. She simply shook her head in pity before turning to cross the road and head home. She had no intention of ever encouraging Jane to chase after Maura, she wouldn't put Jane through that. But in that moment of her feeling so much hurt, she had just had to lash out and as she half walked, half stumbled down Howick Street back home, she realised she had pretty much destroyed whatever had been left between her and Gabby.

When Jane awoke from much needed sleep she immediately felt the absence of Melissa. She blinked several times to adjust to the soft light streaming in through the bedroom window. She figured she must have slept for at least five or six hours. With a stretch and a yawn she rolled off the bed onto her feet. She was still dressed and realised she must have fallen asleep pretty quickly.

She had been subdued on the cab ride back to Melissa's home and after that felt a little hazy, she just remembered Melissa being worried enough to stay with her until she fell asleep. A small smile graced her lips as the memory of being curled up against Melissa's side found its way out of the fog of sleep. She had been quite comfortable.

She took a moment to glance around the room, familiarising herself with an unfamiliar environment. Bed was against one wall, half way along, flanked by two bedside tables with drawers. The entire wall opposite the bed was covered in shelving, a stereo and what Jane could only consider a massive collection of assorted CD's and Vinyls were stacked neatly in those shelves.

The window on the side wall was flanked by a couple of framed signed posters, one of Melissa Etheridge and the other Reba McEntire. It was apparent Melissa's taste in music was quite eclectic, further proven as she perused the albums which were stacked in what looked like alphabetical order via artist and then via release date for each album. A lot more organised than the CDs she owned, that was for sure.

Melissa's absence started feeling too noticeable so she stopped searching through the CD's and padded softly over to the bedroom door and opened it. She walked down the short hall to the living room, which was well furnished, a nice looking leather couch, a pine coffee table, a pine entertainment unit with the largest TV Jane had ever seen in her life and a couple of leather recliners. It was starting to dawn on Jane that there was a lot she didn't yet know about Melissa, namely where she got the funds to furnish her home so nicely.

The sound of shattering glass caught Jane's attention and she quickly ducked out of the living room into the dining room. She skirted around the dining table and found Melissa in the kitchenette, hands braced against the sink, her head hung low with broken glass at her feet.

"Y'okay Missy?"

Melissa stiffened at the sound of Jane's voice. She quickly wiped the tears from her face and nodded. "Yeah, glass just slipped."

It didn't take her finely honed detective skills for Jane to realise that Melissa was not okay at all. Especially since Melissa still hadn't made a move to clean up the glass. Jane stepped into the kitchenette and looked around, quickly locating a dustpan and broom tucked between the wall and cabinet. "Hey, I've got this."

Melissa listened while Jane swept away the dangerous shards and dumped them in the garbage bin. She was an emotional mess and she didn't want to put Jane through that, because she knew Jane already had her own stuff going on. "Thanks," she managed to offer tremulously.

Jane closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around Melissa's waist. She pressed several kisses into the hairline behind Melissa's ear. "I'm here. It's okay to let it out, whatever it is."

Melissa turned in the arms that held her and allowed Jane to see her pain. She wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and looked into her eyes. "I just wanted one day. One single day."

"Yeah, me too." Jane offered a sad smile. Gabby's unsuspected arrival and subsequent actions had really thrown a spanner in the works, not that her lack of sleep the night before helped any. She reached out and wiped the moisture from Melissa's cheeks. "Fuck her, Missy. Seriously, fuck her. I dunno what her deal is, but she doesn't control either of us. I'm here. I'm with you."

Melissa's heart hurt so much knowing that Jane hadn't a clue what had transpired while she slept. It would have been so easy to fall into Jane's arms and let the night take them wherever it would, but she had grown to realise that she didn't want anything hidden between them. Jane had been so open and honest even when it may have hurt, that she needed to do the same.

She pulled back and took Jane by the hand and led her into the living room and motioned for Jane to sit. Satisfied that Jane was comfortable she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, finally garnering the courage to speak. "I went to see Gabby while you slept."

Jane did well to keep her face neutral despite the fact that the mere thought of Gabby filled her with rage. She simply nodded, "And?"

This was the tough part for Melissa because if she were completely honest Jane might just lose it, but she didn't want to hide any of the painful truths at all. "She thinks you're bad news 'cause Maura told her about your feelings for her. She thinks you're using me."

It took every ounce of self control for Jane not to jump off of the couch and go find Gabby and give her a piece of her mind. "Where the hell does she get off? She's the one that's kept you hanging on by a thread…"

"I know." Melissa knelt down in front of Jane and reached out for a hand, which readily entwined with hers. "I told her that she didn't know what she was on about. I know what we have is fluid. I know you haven't made any promises and I told her you have been nothing but honest with me."

"Yeah," Jane squeezed Melissa's hand to offer comfort as she suspected this was the easy part of what must have happened, because none of what she had heard so far felt like it would do anything other than piss Melissa off a bit. Melissa's heart was clearly aching and until she knew why there was nothing she could do to help, which she so desperately wanted to do.

Melissa sucked in a deep breath. "We ended up in a heated discussion because I realised she wasn't being protective. She's jealous Jane and I called her on it and she seemed a little lost if I were honest…"

"She wants you back?" Jane interrupted, unable to contain her agitation.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she just wants to punish me for eternity. I asked her what the hell she thought I was supposed to do with what she was saying and she quite adamantly denied any desire to start anything back up, but by then I was incensed." She took a breath to allow Jane an opportunity to speak up if she felt the need, but Jane simply nodded, although the gears were so clearly turning in her brain. "I lost it, I fuckin' lost it. Six years of these games Jane, I can't keep doin' it. I won't."

Jane was filled with many conflicting emotions. Torn between feeling outrage at the crap Gabby continued to put Melissa through and outrage at the thought that Gabby was only leading Maura on and couldn't possibly give her the love she deserved if she was so clearly incapable of letting go of her feelings for Melissa. She realised that honesty from Melissa would have felt like it came at great risk. It was ammunition for Jane to use in pursuit of Maura, in pursuit of love and it wasn't lost on her that Melissa's feelings had grown exponentially. Melissa still chose truth and that respect meant everything to Jane.

"It doesn't matter." Jane said softly, "I don't care what happened. If you need to talk about it for your reasons, I'll listen. I'll always do that for you, but I don't need to hear it." She stood up and pulled Melissa into her body. She brushed some hair back behind her ear and then leaned in and kissed her softly. She broke the kiss and brought her forehead to rest against Melissa's and whispered, "I choose you."

Melissa took a long minute to process what she had heard and she really wanted to take it seriously and treat it with the reverence with which she felt Jane had said it, but she resorted to something else altogether. "Good, cause I tossed a hand grenade at what was left between Gabby and I."

Jane simply smiled and pulled them down onto the couch together, feeling so much warmth blossoming in her chest as Melissa tucked in by her side and she wrapped an arm around her. "All I'm hearing is you chose me without any guarantees this would turn out in your favour."

Melissa nodded against her side. "Yeah. It has pretty much always been you since we met, Jane."

Jane turned to press a kiss against the top of Melissa's head. Deep down, as outrageous as it felt, she suspected it had been the same for her too. She had just been too blind to see. All she had to do now was shake those pesky feelings for Maura and figure out how the hell she and Melissa were going to work long distance, but that was a thought for a different day. All she wanted in that moment was to revel in the blossoming relationship she found herself falling into. "Same, Missy, same."

A/N: Happy update day. *ducks for cover* The worst part is, there's still a couple chapters before things really get turned up and i have to start pulling knives out of my back. Please trust me and don't murder me guys... I love you all, I promise and like, doesn't Missy deserve a little happiness for a little while? Jane too? But in all seriousness, I appreciate you all and I know for some of you this story is a tough one, but please keep telling me how you feel. Y'all think Gabby is acting like a bit of an ass? You glad Missy finally let her have it? You guys think Missy truly loves Jane? I'd love to hear your thoughts.