Chapter Twenty Three

December, 2011
Launceston, Tasmania

Jane paid for a beer and wandered over to the waist high fence that separated the kiosk from the outfield. She leaned on the fence with her left side and looked down the third base line toward home plate. She took a couple of swigs and watched with interest as Melissa stepped up to bat.

They only had a few days left together before she began her journey home, and so Jane wasn't missing any moment of it. Melissa had wanted to get straight back into playing the game she loved and that was that. She had already homered once in the first inning, and Jane wasn't expecting anything different this time at bat either as the pitching left a lot to be desired. Just as she had suspected, the pitcher had left one hanging straight over the middle of the plate and Melissa had dispatched it straight back over the pitcher's head and beyond the centrefielder. She raised her beer in salute as Melissa had offered a cheeky grin on her way around third base before high fiving Monica and other teammates after touching homebase.

Jane suspected Melissa was simply showing off because she could, and she didn't mind it at all because it was obvious that Melissa was at home on the softball diamond. She was glad being out there made Melissa so clearly happy. She wasn't even mad that Melissa actually looked happier running around out there than she had seemed in any of their moments together. She knew what it was to have a calling, so she absolutely understood it.

She straightened up and took a couple big gulps of the beer. It was the first drink she had had in a few days and she wasn't sure she should be drinking at all, not with Melissa's issues, but she needed it. She and Melissa had been making the most of her last week in town, and she hadn't had much time to slow down and think. Although those moments late at night or early morning were pretty hard to deal with, she had found a way to push through, but even she had her limits. So, with an hour or two alone, she had decided to have a beer or two.

It was one of those one sided games. Between Monica's pitching being very good and Melissa's hitting, it was apparent the Blu J's were no match for the Saints, at least not on this afternoon. The fielding innings for the Saints were going by so quickly with successful three up three downs that Jane realised she probably wouldn't fit a second beer in before the game was over, not without sculling the one she had, so she did. She then walked back over to the kiosk, dumped the can in the recycling and bought another.

Half the can was consumed before she made it back to the fence, the second half moments later when she glanced towards the carpark and saw Maura and Gabby lost in conversation headed her way. She tossed the can in the recycling and rubbed at her temple, she already felt a headache coming on. The last thing she needed was another confrontation with Gabby or Maura for that matter. It hurt too much to see the latter and as for the former, she had deep rageful feelings that could lead to behaviour that would only land her in hot water. She didn't want to put Melissa through that, which was the only thing stopping her from flattening Gabby.

"Jane?" Maura sounded both surprised and apprehensive to once again be confronted with the appearance of her estranged best friend.

Jane sighed and turned to face two very good reasons to upgrade from drinking beer to whiskey. "Maura," she acknowledged stiffly.

She noticed Maura immediately reached out to grab Gabby's hand, and figured Maura was concerned about a repeat of the violence from earlier in the week. She was actually impressed with the simple manner with which Maura had chosen to diffuse any potential trouble by effectively becoming an anchor to hold Gabby back through the guise of reassurance. She looked at Gabby and couldn't resist the temptation to smirk a little, "Gabby."

Gabby bristled with hatred, but she knew Maura's hand was more than supportive reassurance, it was a warning, a reminder of the short conversation where Maura had laid down the law. Outbursts of physical violence towards Jane, or anyone else for that matter would not be tolerated. It was apparent that Jane knew this based on the smirk on her face and that only served to irk Gabby more. "Jane," She managed to grind out a greeting in return.

Glancing from one woman to the other, Maura started to wonder if either of them cared that they were part of a civilised culture. She felt the tension in Gabby's body through her hand and she had no doubt that Jane would be quite content if her smugness prompted a reaction. "I'd like to remind you both that we are in public," Maura whispered harshly.

"Didn't seem to bother Gabby the other day," Jane retorted.

"You had it coming." Gabby hissed, barely cognisant of Maura's vice grip tightening.

Jane's left hand curled into a fist, but she kept it at her side with every last ounce of restraint she had. She was seriously considering acting and apologising later, because someone had to put Gabby back in her place and she'd be more than happy to be the one to do so. She looked back at Maura and asked, "What the hell do you see in this woman?"

Melissa had been heading out to centre field when she glanced over to where Jane had been watching from, only to have to search a little further. Her eyes wandered from the fence to the kiosk to several paces away where she saw Jane staring down Gabby and Maura and back to the kiosk where the attendant appeared to be concerned. She instinctively started moving towards left field, her eyes assessing the situation. Jane was tense, and Gabby looked to be chomping at the bit to unleash her fury. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." She muttered under her breath, launching into a sprint.

All eyes were on her as she left her teammates wondering what she was doing as she hit the fence at pace, using her hands to vault her over it. She landed with grace and her cleats crunched on the bitumen as she ground to a halt beside Jane. She placed a calming hand on Jane's arm and slid around to the front, breaking Jane's line of sight. "Come on, she ain't worth it."

Jane dropped her head feeling ashamed that Melissa had felt the need to intervene. She relaxed her hands and took a step back, things could have gotten way out of hand, and Maura hadn't been wrong. They were in public and she realised all eyes were on them and it made her do what she should have done from the beginning, turn and walk away.

Melissa watched as Jane wandered toward the bleachers before turning to offer Maura a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about that."

Before Maura could get a word in Gabby stepped up to Melissa and growled, "You just had to fuckin' bring her here didn't you."

Even though it hurt her in ways she couldn't even begin to fathom, she wasn't having any of it. "Like I said, you ain't worth it."

Maura was confused by the interaction. She knew Melissa had been angry with Gabby, but they had talked and it had appeared that the anger had subsided after their talk. "What am I missing?" she queried.

"You'd have to ask your girlfriend that." Melissa answered before turning and jogging back over to the bleachers so she could reenter the team dugout.

Maura turned to look at Gabby and repeated her question. "What am I missing?"

Gabby sighed and shook her head. "Not right now Maura. Tonight, okay?"

Maura nodded, "Okay then."

Maura watched as Gabby sat across from her absently playing with her food. Her girlfriend's mood had remained dark the entire afternoon after their second run in with Jane for the week and it had reached a point where she simply could not continue another minute without ascertaining what had been going on. "So are we going to talk about it?"

Gabby stopped stabbing her steak and looked up at Maura apprehensively. "I just don't like her," she grumbled.

Maura pursed her lips and shot Gabby a look that plainly declared she wasn't going to be distracted by misdirection. "Yes I'm well aware you don't like Jane, but that's not what we need to talk about."

"Sure it is," Gabby persisted, "'Cause she and Missy are hooking up and she's just going to hurt Missy and that doesn't sit well with me at all."

Maura sighed. Gabby wasn't exactly lying, but she was clearly obfuscating the real matter at hand and it was irksome. It wasn't easy to bare one's soul to an intimate partner, she surely understood after her own experience in owning up to Jane's inadvertent confession, but she didn't have an inclination to deal with anymore of these childish games either. Melissa was a part of their lives, and Jane probably wouldn't be for much longer, but Melissa was likely not going anywhere and Gabby needed to work her issues out.

"You do not know that, Gabby. You are guessing, and you are obfuscating. I am just asking for honest discourse."

Gabby resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. She loved Maura's vocabulary, hell she loved everything about the woman, but at that moment the language just irritated her. "Christ, Maura I'm being honest, alright? There's no way in hell Jane has actual feelings for Missy and you're sitting there like that shouldn't piss me off."

Maura knew there was no point attempting to explain to Gabby that the mere act of staying meant Jane was serious about Melissa, even if Jane may not yet be cognisant of said fact. In a perfect world she imagined that information would be welcomed and Gabby would relax and be more approachable and not in a cold war with her dear friend. However they did not reside in a perfect world and the more Gabby was adamant she only cared about Jane hurting Melissa the more she felt she wasn't being told.

"Should your hypothesis be correct then yes it would make perfect sense you would be angry on behalf of Melissa, but whether you would believe me or not, your hypothesis is not based in fact. So I ask you, what happened between you and Melissa that she no longer feels you are worth her time?"

Gabby placed her cutlery down and pushed her plate aside. She pushed her chair back and stood up. "I'm tired. I need to rest."

"I was honest with you, I am merely asking for the same respect in return." Maura picked up her glass and took a sip of the wine she had to accompany her dinner. She suspected she was going to need to push Gabby on this one, which was tiring, but she tried to show patience with the process because she had noticed the behavioural impact Gabby's accident had had.

Gabby sighed and sat back down knowing that Maura had a valid point, but she didn't know where to begin or how to begin or how to finish without possibly losing her in the process. She focused on her hatred for Jane because it was easier than trying to articulate the mess the thought of Melissa moving on was causing in her head. If she couldn't process it and understand it, how on earth could she think that Maura could or would?

"Please don't make me do this."

Maura's eyes softened as the distress was clearly conveyed by Gabby's tone. "I'm only trying to help you love, because whatever has happened has left scars and I only wish to help you heal from them."

Gabby rubbed her hand through the short fuzz on her head, missing the hair that she had removed to try and take back some control after having a section of hair removed during surgery. She closed her eyes and counted to ten to stop her thoughts spiralling out of control. Opening them again she locked eyes with Maura and said, "I know you do Maura, but I barely understand my own thought processes and feelings, so how do I communicate that to you without fear of repercussions?"

"There will always be fear of repercussions. Repercussions are an indisputable fact of life, but if you're afraid that I will judge you, I will not. I'm just incredibly worried about you, love."

Gabby knew Maura meant well, it was the simplest truth of her nature, but she judged herself and found herself wanting and couldn't fathom anyone else not judging her accordingly. "I don't know where to begin."

"Start with when," Maura prompted, hoping that by easing into it Gabby would feel more comfortable.

"The other afternoon when she stopped by here."

Maura was surprised. "You slipped outside while we were talking?"

Gabby nodded. "Yeah. I came downstairs for some juice and heard you talking and yeah I wanted to talk to her so I slipped outside."

"Why didn't you join us?" She hadn't wanted to disturb Gabby's rest but if she had been up and about and really wanted to, she should have just joined them.

"Didn't want to piss you off any further by being so anti Jane. She's your best friend and I'd already decked her that morning, I honestly didn't think you'd appreciate it." She took Maura's silence as encouragement to continue, not that she really wanted to, but there wasn't really any turning back. "Turns out Missy didn't want to hear it either."

"Understandable given the circumstances."

"Yeah, so is that it? Can I go now?"

"You tell me," Maura pushed back, not completely convinced the entire truth was out. Melissa could understand Gabby feeling anti Jane on that day, she knew as much from her own conversation with her. There was definitely more to the story.

"Fine," Gabby huffed, feeling pressed and hating it. "We got into a massive fight alright? Things were said."

"Verbal altercation?" Maura sought to clarify, just to be sure she had interpreted correctly.

"Yeah. Nothing physical although I'm pretty sure she wanted to hit me."

"Why?"

"Because I said something that hurt her deeply." Gabby was hesitant to go into further details.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it was the damn truth." Gabby growled, feeling suddenly irritated by the thoughts of her argument with Melissa. "She accused me of being jealous that she was moving on and Christ Maura, why do you think reliving this is good for me or you or us?"

That nagging fear in her stomach from the time they discussed their exclusivity made an intense return. Was Gabby capable of truly letting go of Melissa? "Are you jealous?"

"Yeah I think I might be. Are you happy now?" Gabby retorted angrily, standing up and walking out of the dining room not wanting to entertain the conversation any longer.

Maura followed her out into the foyer. "Do you want her back?"

Gabby paused in her tracks, her heart absolutely wrenching hearing the fear in her girlfriend's voice. The precise reason she didn't want to delve into the fight with Melissa, because it sounded bad and the last thing she wanted was Maura having doubts about them, not with Jane lurking in the shadows. She turned back to face Maura. "No. That's how I hurt her with the reminder I'd never cheat on someone I love and that hit a bit too close to home for her."

Maura attempted to process the information. "Did she want you back?"

Gabby shook her head. "No. She made that very clear, not that I had been asking. I'm just, I'm scared Maura."

"Why love?"

"That I've given you a reason to reconsider Jane. I know you care about her deeply, and all I've done is make stupid decision after stupid decision and tell you I'm jealous that Missy is moving on. Why the hell would you want to stay with me? I'm clearly a fuckin' mess."

"Because I love you Gabby. I would be lying if I did not admit that your feelings for Melissa worry me, but I believe you when you say you love me."

Gabby offered her hand and pulled Maura into her arms when it was accepted. "I do love you, unequivocally."

Maura smiled softly, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. She kissed Gabby gently and then shifted to lead her girlfriend to the living room. "Come now let's forget this and watch some television."

Gabby relaxed a little and walked arm in arm with Maura for a few steps before stopping. "Wait, good TV right though, not some documentary?"

Maura smiled warmly, feeling a little better already. "I thought given it's the season that we might watch a Christmas movie."

Gabby bit back her groan. At least it wasn't a documentary. "Sounds awesome," she managed to sound half enthusiastic.

Maura looked innocently at her girlfriend. "I have it on very good authority that Die Hard is a Christmas movie."

For one brief moment in time Gabby was so very thankful Jane Rizzoli existed. She grinned and nodded enthusiastically, "Uh huh, sure is. Best Christmas movie, ever."

Jane had been broody the entire afternoon and she knew Melissa was worried, so she readily accepted when Melissa suggested they go for a walk after dinner. They had walked side by side down Howick Street, in quiet contemplation. Jane sensed that Melissa wanted to talk and as much as it was the last thing she wanted, she bumped shoulders and offered half a smile. "So what did you wanna talk about?"

"Who said I wanted to talk about anything at all?" Melissa retorted playfully.

"Detective, remember." Jane offered with a knowing look.

Melissa nudged Jane towards the path into Ockerby Gardens and shrugged, feeling a touch apprehensive. Departure day was fast approaching and they really couldn't keep putting off the inevitable discussion around that. She hadn't been able to get a sense of where Jane's head was at with regards to the future and she feared they weren't even close to being on the same page. "You're going home soon."

Jane took the hint and turned into the park, casting a sideways glance at her companion. She sighed. Melissa had become a beacon lighting her way, but her life was in Boston and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or do. She hated the thought of Melissa not being in her life, but she didn't have any good answers, only questions. "You really want to do this now? We can't wait until the last possible minute?" She attempted to jest, as it would be typical Rizzoli fashion to wait until the very last moment to make a life altering decision.

"I suspect that it might take me the last few days to actually get answers." Melissa's tone was jovial, but there was a little truth behind her humour.

Jane took the remark personally, but not with anger. She recognised that she had fallen into her usual habit of closing off. She had tried really hard to keep up the open honest communication that she had shown Melissa when they first met, but the more her feelings shifted into focus the less vulnerable she wanted to be. She had let her guard down for one evening and she had ended up proclaiming to Melissa that she chose her. That was as close to a declaration of love as she could get without actually saying it. She couldn't say it. She dreaded the thought of Melissa saying it and having to stand there and not return the sentiment. She wasn't sure what she felt, other than very strongly and beyond that, she wasn't even sure if they had a future.

Jane sighed. "Yeah, I guess you've got a point."

"I don't want to push you on this, but I don't think we can ignore this conversation."

"Nah, we probably shouldn't."

Melissa linked arms with Jane as they walked up the path towards a bench. The sun was slowly setting and the sky was a beautiful mixture of red and orange. It was a nice evening to be out walking and she just wanted to enjoy a few moments with Jane before things got serious. She was now the one feeling hesitant to broach the difficult topic.

Jane sensed Melissa's hesitance and couldn't blame the woman one bit. They had connected with one another almost instantaneously and their connection had only grown in the almost four weeks since and despite her reservations and concerns about there not being a future for them, she couldn't deny the importance of what they had found with one another. She was barely avoiding being swallowed by her own darkness and she knew if not for Melissa, the darkness would have devoured her whole.

"Missy," Jane's voice was warm, tender, a little regretful. "You know I can't stay. I got a job to do, I gotta go home."

"I know." Melissa acknowledged while sitting down on the bench they had been walking towards, tucking under Jane's arm when she joined her. She appreciated the comfort, because she was under no illusions about where this conversation would inevitably end.

Jane's life was in Boston, and her life was in Launceston. She hoped they could find a way to make it work until things could change, but she dare not hope too much, because to have her heart broken after holding onto the hope that a statement of I choose you gave her, would be too much. She used her brain and ignored her heart which had worked incredibly hard to hype up the prospects of a future with Jane.

Jane ran her hand up and down Melissa's arm soothingly. She felt the tenseness in her body and hated that this is where they were now. She pressed a soft kiss against the top of Melissa's head. "Where's your head at?"

That was a difficult question for Melissa to answer because her heart was trying hard to hijack her mind. She kept flashing back through the little moments that added up to a lot. She had almost convinced herself that Jane loved her too, and that if she just told Jane how she felt she would stay, or beg her to go with her, or any number of things that equated to them not severing their romantic ties. The ache in her chest permeated through her entire body. "Head non-existent at this point. Heart well and truly in control."

Jane closed her eyes and tried really hard to choke back the emotion attempting to claw its way out of her body. In her mind she was sucked right back in time to the moment she had walked away from Maura. That was the level of pain she knew Melissa was feeling and it gutted her; she had been so lost in her pain from Maura that she had allowed something to happen she was definitely not ready for and no matter how much she had felt she had needed it at the time, no matter the depth with which she felt for Melissa, she had made a mistake. She should never have stayed. She should never have put herself in a position to be breaking the heart of someone who had seen more than her fair share of heartache for a lifetime. It hurt so damned much she didn't know what to do with herself.

Melissa shifted her positioning a little, realising she had to go for it. She knew the odds were small, she knew she was probably headed for more heartache, but there couldn't be any regrets with this one. Jane meant too much to her. "Hey, hey, look at me yeah?"

Jane opened her eyes and looked over as requested, it was the least she could do, even though the sense of dread building in her gut told her that Melissa was about to make this hurt a hell of a lot more for the both of them. "Don't, please don't."

Melissa's eyes darted briefly to Jane's lips and back to her eyes before she leaned in and put every ounce of love she felt into a tender kiss that slowly deepened, lingered and was emotionally intimate. She felt Jane respond in such a way that she had no more doubts, she only hoped Jane would accept it. Breaking the kiss she spoke the words that would dictate their fate. "I love you Jane and I want to find a way to make this work."

It was too much. The kiss broke something in Jane she didn't even know existed and for Melissa to follow up with those three little words that could move mountains, she didn't want to be there. She couldn't be there. She wasn't ready. She felt tears roll down her cheeks as she pulled away from Melissa and stood up and started pacing. She shook her head and berated herself out loud, completely forgetting where she was. "Such a bad idea. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Melissa was on her feet instantly and trying to pull Jane in for a hug. She would have been forgiven for thinking Jane was talking to her, but she knew better. She had seen the look in Jane's eyes and it terrified her. "Jane, please."

Jane just shook her head more vigorously and pushed Melissa away. "No." She said firmly, "I can't." She then turned and took off at a sprint.

"Jane!" Melissa cried out chasing after her for fifteen metres or so, before grinding to a halt upon the realisation that Jane's long legs would quickly out pace her and that just maybe the best thing she could do for Jane would be to let her go. "Fuck!"

A/N: I can feel all your premature joy from here people... this is me we're talking about...

I'd like to offer my continued thanks to all of you that have stuck with me. We're heading into the really rough stretch, and once upon a time I wouldn't forewarn, but honestly... you still dunno what's coming, but at least you know something is, something y'all won't like. So now you're mentally prepared, strap in this ride is about to get interesting.

Appreciate you all so much, it's why I am busy writing as much as I can to keep this story progressing for you all.

So now, who thinks Die Hard is or isn't a Christmas movie? Do we think Maura is starting to wake up to the inner conflict within Gabby? Is Gabby the one that's clearly dense about her own feelings? What about Jane? Why's she struggling so hard? And how's that, literal running from Jane... literal running ha ha. Sorry, I am in such a good mood, so motivated, so happy, and you guys are a big reason why. Be safe all y'all.

Was also thinking, this is a soap, I should totally bring a character back to life right? lol what a spanner that would be... Rachael returning from the dead... alas I am not sure I can quite make myself THAT soapish.