A/N: Please don't murder me in my sleep, it will make at least one person very unhappy.

Chapter Twenty Five

Maura had known Jane Rizzoli for a long time. Long enough to have seen inebriated Jane and unfortunately long enough to have seen heartbroken Jane too. This new Jane though, had her so very concerned. Drunk and broken. She had really wanted to try and help but found she mostly just watched while Jane sipped water and slowly ate the grilled cheese. When the food was consumed they had sat in silence and Maura's heart just kept breaking into little pieces. She knew Jane needed her, which was plainly obvious, but she didn't know where to begin.

Unable to take it any longer she stood. "I'm here for you Jane, if you want to talk we can. If you want to watch TV together and just sit, we can do that too. If you just need a safe place to sleep I can make up the spare bed. Just please tell me what you need."

Jane followed Maura's lead and mumbled, "TV."

They settled down on the couch, each on their own end. Maura knew that she and Jane had once had an extremely intimate friendship, which in hindsight had perhaps been a little too intimate. Snuggling up with one another while watching TV and sleeping in the same bed to provide emotional support had felt so natural but she suspected had only sent mixed messages. So now she sat far away, absolutely hating not being able to provide the physical comfort she was used to offering.

She handed Jane the remote and what little comfort she could. "You may choose."

"Thanks," Jane almost grunted. She appreciated the offer but hated the distance between them. Not just the physical distance but the emotional distance. This was the awkward space between before and after. Before she had dropped a bomb on their friendship and after they picked up the pieces and put it back together again. They were somewhere in between and it was awkward and painful and absolutely necessary.

She flicked through the cable channels, appreciative that she had fifty odd channels to flick through instead of five back at the motel. Although the more she flicked the more it felt like fifty channels of nothing. She eventually gave up and left it on the country music channel. She already felt like shit, she might as well compound it with music that either mirrored too closely how she felt or rubbed in her face what happiness looked like. She turned it down to a low background level out of respect for Maura's differing music tastes.

Jane glanced over at Maura who was doing a surprising job at not showcasing any displeasure at the choice in channel. "You let me in."

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Because you are my friend, Jane."

Jane simply nodded and averted her gaze back to the television.

"What happened?"

"I did." Jane responded despondently.

Maura sighed. Jane was so very good at being cryptic. "I don't understand."

"I stayed."

Ah so this is about Melissa.

Maura shifted a little closer, she couldn't handle not reaching out to Jane in her time of need. Sure they had to find a balance if their friendship were to continue, but Jane needed her and friends provided physical support. She reached her hand out a little and sat it in the space between them, palm up, inviting should Jane seek her out. "You stayed for a reason Jane."

Jane felt the shifting in the cushions and turned to look at Maura. She glanced down at the offered hand and reached out with her own, allowing Maura to entwine their fingers and squeeze gently. "You got in my head. I just wanted to tell her I was leaving…" her voice trailed out, it was still too much. She wanted to talk to Maura, she desperately wanted to understand what she was feeling and she felt like only Maura would be able to decipher it.

"How did I get in your head Jane?" Maura kept saying her friend's name in an attempt to keep her emotions grounded. She was concerned that Jane would either shut down or explode catastrophically, it was hard to identify with the combination of Jane's broken heart and alcohol consumption.

Jane heard the question but ignored it. Her mind flashing back again to the kiss with Melissa, the intimacy, the intensity that simmered beneath it, the look in Melissa's eyes when she said those three little words. "She said she loved me and I lit… literally ran away."

Maura upon hearing that was instantly glad that she had encouraged Gabby to go check on Melissa. She was worried the impact Jane running would have had on the woman, but she attempted to push those fears aside to focus on the person she could help. "Why did you run?"

Jane shook her head. "Too much."

"Okay, let's just slow it down then." Maura gave a reassuring squeeze to Jane's hand.

"No Maura, I mean that… I couldn't say it back."

Maura felt such sadness for Jane. "Why not?"

"Don't love her." Jane responded distantly, her eyes flicking to the bottom left corner of the screen of the television. Reba McEntire, What if it's You flashed across it and it caught her attention. She vaguely knew of Reba, she didn't live under a rock, but country really wasn't her scene. She was curious about the artist that Melissa so clearly considered a favourite.

"I know you're happy and I'm happy for you, but since you found each other I've been so confused…"

Jane sighed and turned to look at Maura. The song certainly spoke to a part of her soul. "Can't love two people at once."

They were moving into dangerous territory, and Maura wasn't sure how to proceed. She loved Jane deeply, she was her North Star, but she just couldn't love her the way she needed and the thought that Jane couldn't see what her heart had so clearly declared in the past month bothered her. She needed Jane to be happy almost as much as she needed her own happiness. She realised she might have to cross a few lines to get Jane's brain and heart functioning together, because clearly Jane's brain was getting in the way of what her heart already appeared to know.

Maura reached out to Jane and gently guided her closer, drawing her into her body to hold her close. Thankfully Gabby was probably doing the same thing down the road. It didn't bother her as much as she thought it would and she wondered if maybe there would just end up being an acceptance in her relationship that sometimes, if there was trauma, she or Gabby may be called upon to provide comfort that might make other spouses uncomfortable. She couldn't imagine a world where she didn't hold Jane when things were bad. "It's alright Jane," she cooed softly, "I'm here."

Jane welcomed the warmth and tenderness in Maura's touch. She kicked off her sneakers and curled up next to her friend, allowing her head to rest against her chest while she wrapped her arms tightly around her, clinging on a subconscious level to a past she didn't choose. "Why's it gotta hurt so much?" She asked, her eyes still tracking the music video on the television.

The truth of the matter was Maura could only surmise, and while she was the literal encyclopedia on everything Jane Rizzoli, there was a level of guesswork when emotions were involved. All she could do was analyse the facts as she knew them and those facts pointed to only one logical conclusion; that Jane was in love with Melissa, but unwilling to admit it to herself.

Maura sighed and rubbed Jane's back tenderly while contemplating whether her rejection of Jane's romantic feelings had prompted an unconscious fear of allowing herself to truly acknowledge loving another. "I suspect because your heart and mind are at war with one another."

"Well it sucks."

"Yes Jane, I imagine it does."

The song concluded and a whole new level of misery started playing. Jane sighed and closed her eyes, she was feeling drowsy and sleep felt like a great idea, certainly a lot better than trying to navigate her feelings. "She held the darkness back. She made me feel warm."

Having witnessed Melissa's protectiveness of Jane first hand, Maura had no doubt that she did those things. "I'm sure she did."

"Now it's just darkness." Jane mumbled right before her breathing evened out and she slipped into slumber.

Maura continued to rub soothing patterns into Jane's back. Her heart ached and they were only just beginning to scratch the surface of what Jane felt. She hoped that Gabby was fairing better with Melissa, because she knew that if her actions sent Melissa over the edge, Jane would never forgive herself. That was the last thing she wanted for her friend. "Oh Jane," she murmured, "Please, please find your way through the dark."

Jane's eyes snapped open. She shifted her body so that she was lying on her back with knees drawn up and her head on Maura's lap. Staring up at her dearest friend with intensity she asked, "Why don't you love me?"

Maura's heart broke to pieces at the level of sadness she could hear in Jane's voice. She wished so dearly she could see Jane the way she wanted to be seen, but she couldn't. She glanced away, unable to meet the intensity in her friend's gaze. She blinked away a couple tears as she wondered why it was her heart had never opened up to Jane romantically. She was at a loss. "I do love you, Jane…"

"Just not like that huh?" Jane interrupted sadly, knowing exactly where Maura was headed.

Maura looked back down at Jane and realised she had never seen such vulnerability in her eyes before. "Oh Jane, I wish I could. I hate being the cause of such significant pain to you."

Jane nodded a little and closed her eyes. "I wish you could too."

Maura gently stroked Jane's forehead and watched over her sadly. She hurt so much from the pain she brought Jane, but she truly believed that Jane needed to ask her questions to be able to move forward, so she intended to be as honest as possible no matter how painful. She had to fight the urge to just tell Jane that she was simply running from her feelings again, and wallowing in a safer heartbreak, because at the end of the day Jane knew she could return to her and she would always take her in and be there. There was a sense of safety that would have come with that knowledge, but it appeared to be holding Jane back. She sighed softly and whispered. "I wish you would open your eyes Jane."

Jane's drunk brain took the request literally and while she kept her eyes shut she said, "Nope. Sleep is my friend."

"You have someone who loves you," Maura attempted to get her friend thinking about what she ought to be thinking about.

"She's not you." Jane responded sadly, wishing Maura would just stop talking and pushing her to think about really painful things.

"Jane," Maura's voice was firm, it was time to take the kid gloves off. "You're not here to win me over. You're here because what happened with Melissa scared you."

Jane opened her eyes and looked up at the concern in Maura's eyes and shook her head. "Just stop."

"You didn't have to show up at my door Jane. You showed up here because you knew I would be honest with you. You're here because you're hoping I can clarify things for you. So tell me Jane, how can I help you see what your heart already knows?"

"Kiss me."

Maura instantly frowned, "Jane I don't think…"

Jane sat up and turned her body a little, bracing a hand next to Maura's head on the couch. "Kiss me like you're going to lose me."

Maura searched Jane's eyes and quickly realised there was actually a method to the madness. This wasn't some ploy, there was something genuine behind the request, but she couldn't quite figure it out. She definitely didn't think it was a good idea though. "I shouldn't."

Jane leaned a little closer, giving Maura every chance to push her away or firmly say no. "Like you're going to lose me," she reiterated.

So she did. Maura's hands cupped Jane's face and pulled her the rest of the way, their lips crashed together. She did her best to follow the request, she kissed Jane urgently, almost feverishly and she soon felt herself pushed firmly against the couch as Jane pressed in closer to her and deepened their kiss. Tears pooled in her eyes. Jane tasted like bourbon and cheese. Jane felt like home.

Jane broke the kiss off and gently kissed Maura's cheek. "Thank you," she uttered quietly.

Maura was shaken. She had wanted to help Jane figure out whatever it was she needed to and had made a discovery of her own. She already knew from the way Jane had already moved away and reached for her sneakers that Jane had gotten her answer too. She swallowed nervously, "Jane?"

Jane finished stuffing her feet in her shoes and looked sideways at her friend, oblivious to the realisation plastered all over her face. "Her kiss broke me," she explained, "I just didn't realise it was a good thing."

Maura smiled weakly, swallowing down her own realisation. Jane looked determined, and like she knew what she wanted. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

On her feet already, Jane nodded. "Yeah, yeah I think I am."

Maura stood and walked over to her friend and drew her into a hug, holding on a little tighter than she should before pulling away. Taking a deep breath she forced a smile and uttered what might end up being the hardest sentence of her life. "Then you better go get her, Jane."

Melissa stood motionless. Her brain stumbling over what she had heard. Six years. Six whole years she had been waiting to hear something like that fall out of Gabby's mouth. The shock to her system slowed her brain down so much she hadn't realised Gabby had leaned in for the kiss until they were in the middle of it. Her body reacted out of familiarity and her hands were gripping Gabby's shirt and pulling her closer before her mind caught up. "I don't want…" her words disappearing into the kiss she had yet to break away from. "Don't…" she tried again, her body betraying her as she pushed Gabby back towards the couch and they tumbled down, barely breaking apart.

Gabby grunted a little, her ribs aching from the impact, they were still healing, but she pulled Melissa in closer anyway, desperate to feel her against her body. "It's you," she mumbled into their kiss, "It's always been you."

It only took those words to drag Melissa's brain and body back to reality and out of the past. She pulled back and looked down at the desperation on Gabby's face and felt a sense of impending doom. They had officially found an entirely brand new way to repeatedly make the same mistakes. She felt sick to the pit of her stomach.

Whether Gabby had intended to or not she had dragged her into a situation where she was being the person she never wanted to be again. Gabby was involved with another woman. Not to mention Jane. She didn't know what was happening there, but she knew one thing for sure. "It's not you."

Gabby immediately felt Melissa's absence when she pulled herself up and walked away. It took a few moments for Melissa's words to sink in and then she felt sick with grief. She rolled off the couch and used it to ease herself back to her feet, she was paying for their briefest moment of passion. Her ribs ached and her heart too. "Fuck," She muttered under her breath before stumbling down the hall after Melissa. "Missy, wait."

"Go home Gabby." Melissa urged forcefully, "This never happened."

"I know you feel it too." Gabby declared, refusing to believe Melissa could truly walk away from the history they shared. "I love you Missy. Never stopped."

Melissa turned and shook her head sadly at Gabby. "You had six years to say that to me when it counted. I'm not doing this with you Gabs, you are literally becoming the person you swore you never would be."

The truth hit Gabby pretty hard, but she clung to the one difference she could grasp. "Tell me you want this too and I'll go straight up there and end it with Maura right now."

Melissa just shook her head again and rolled her eyes at how ridiculous Gabby sounded. She knew that Gabby was reacting emotionally, but in the light of day she knew even Gabby would realise how cold, callous and not at all loving that sounded. "If you truly wanted this, you'd have ended it with Maura already. It wouldn't matter whether I wanted it or not. You'd have just taken that leap. You're not ready for that Gabby."

Gabby nodded. It made sense. In her haste she had made a mess of the situation. She probably wasn't really ready, but she wanted to be ready. She just feared she was already too late, she'd made Melissa wait entirely too long for her forgiveness. "You really are in love with her, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"You gonna tell her what happened?"

"Yeah."

Gabby nodded. She was going to have to tell Maura first. If it came from Jane, then the damage would be catastrophic. "Even though you might lose her?"

"I'm not going to lie to her. I learned my lesson the hard way." She paused a moment to let that sink in before adding, "I just hope for your sake Maura is a lot more forgiving than you were."

Gabby swallowed thickly. She sure hoped so too.

She didn't want Melissa to lose everything because of her, despite how she loathed Jane and hurt from knowing she had lost Melissa to her. She couldn't wish anything bad on the woman she had never been able to stop loving. "Just tell the truth, that I kissed you and that you pulled away. Don't bury yourself in your body's autonomic reaction."

Melissa raised an eyebrow at her ex. "I think you've been spending too much time with Maura. Autonomic, seriously?"

"I just mean…"

"I know what you mean. You need to go home and you need to tell Maura what happened. She can't hear this from Jane."

Gabby agreed completely. She and Maura were due to have a very long conversation and where they would be on the other side of it, she didn't know. She walked the last steps to the front door, gripped the handle and turned back to Melissa, "Don't bury yourself."

"Be honest with Maura. Don't beg forgiveness if you don't truly want it. Don't lead her on like that." Maura was the innocent victim in their decade long love story, and she didn't want to see such a kind hearted woman hurt any more than need be. "Promise me Gabs."

Gabby nodded. "Promise." She opened the door and almost ran straight into Jane who was about to knock. "Jane." She acknowledged before ducking past her and making a beeline for her Triton.

Jane locked eyes with Melissa and immediately strode the three paces to pull her into her arms and hold her tightly. Immediately apologising, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have run like that."

Melissa melted into Jane's arms. She couldn't remember a time they didn't feel like home, but now they brought tears to her eyes. Jane had returned. Jane was back. Was she about to lose her all over again?

Melissa pulled back to arms length and through her tears said, "We need to talk."

It felt eerily ominous and Jane resisted the temptation to run again. Besides, whatever it was they would find their way past it, she had to believe that. Because she couldn't exactly tell Melissa how she felt without first coming clean to how she came to that conclusion either. She quickly closed the front door then joined Melissa outside her bedroom door. "Yeah, we really do."

A/N: so yeah... two steps forward, three steps back... but progress nonetheless. It's a soapie drama my friends, it can't be easy... but yeah please don't murder me in my sleep. I really do appreciate everyone, and I actually do feel the end is closer than I imagined before, but not quite yet and my what an ending I do have planned, once we do get there hehe. Yes still rizzles.

Thank you for reading, reviewing, favouriting and following. I write the stories for myself, but I give them the endings you guys want, for you, for allowing me to entertain you. So, come on, lay it on me, analyse our girls to death... I wanna hear it... cause that's how I know I am doing my job right!