Chapter 19

His mouth was dry and sticky. His whole body ached. His stomach hurt from the intense cramps.

But he was still alive.

Unknown to him that his family had spent all day before begging him to wake up, Chara finally did.

Sitting up slowly, Chara rested his head in his palm and looked at the monster at the side of his bed. Asriel was on his knees, arms draped on Chara's bed with his chin resting on top. It appeared that Asriel was fast asleep.

Chara forced himself to swallow and blinked back the hot tears growing in his eyes.

This is not part of the plan. I was supposed to die, and Asriel was going to absorb my soul. He was going to cross the barrier and find six more human souls. Asriel was supposed to free everyone. Now he can't because I failed.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Chara bit the inside of his cheeks in anger. He was so useless he couldn't even kill himself. It really would be for the better for everyone if he were dead, and Chara couldn't give them that.

Before Chara could begin thinking of other ways they could go through with the plan, he heard a soft voice speak from the side.

"Chara?"

Eyes locked onto his brother's, Chara forced the fake smile on his face and croaked out, "Hey, Asriel."

Chara didn't have time to imagine how Asriel was going to react to his waking up before Asriel jumped to his feet and threw himself at Chara. Hugging Chara tightly, Asriel began to cry. It was without giving any thought to his actions that Chara wrapped his arms around Asriel, buried his face in Asriel's shoulder, and also began to cry.

Word of Chara's miraculous recovery spread through the Underground like wildfire. To Chara's surprise, a lot of monsters had sent notes and letters to his family saying how happy they were that Chara was going to be okay. If only they had known what they were losing as a result of the human child's living.

"Toriel made you some soup," Merla said as she carried the tray into Chara and Asriel's room. "I, um, offered to bring it to you."

Chara, sitting up in bed, rose a brow. "Why would you do that? I know Mother would not mind bring the soup to me herself."

"Well, you see . . ." Merla scratched the back of her head and stared at the flower drawing next to Chara's bed instead of at Chara. "I wanted to apologize for . . . , well, for everything. I have been a real butt to you, and it wasn't right of me. You may be a human, but you're still a person. The truth is, you're not really that bad."

Touched by the unexpected, sincere apology, Chara replied, "Thank you, Merla. I . . . I forgive you."

"What, that fast? After how I've treated you this long, you're going to forgive me that freaking quickly? Come on, Chara, don't be such a softy. Say something mean to me. We both know I deserve it."

"I do not want to be mean to you."

"Look, it'll make me feel a lot better if you insult me or something. Just, say one of your dumb playground insults. I'm grown; I can handle it."

Trying not to chuckle, Chara replied, "I don't like it when you make toast for Asriel and me because you always burn it."

"No, I don't!"

"Merla, the toast is as black as charcoal!"

"I just don't think you appreciate my cooking." Merla showed Chara a toothy grin. "See? Now was that so hard?"

"Extremely," Chara deadpanned.

Merla snorted. "Eat your soup, kid. You need to regain your strength so I can yell at you to stop running in halls again."

"I will run so fast, you will not be able to see me."

"Nice try, but Asriel has been trying that since he was five."

With a real attempt to display affection by gently patting Chara on the shoulder as a parting, Merla left the room. As soon as she walked out, Asriel walked in. His eyes were wide saucers on his face.

"Did I hear that right?" Asriel asked, dumbstruck. "Did Merla . . . apologize to you? Chara, she has never said sorry once in her life!"

"Maybe my almost dying had her feeling guilty for how she treated me in the past." Chara shrugged as he stared intently at the soup. He wasn't sure in the pang in his stomach was nausea or hunger.

"Yeah, about that . . . I, umm . . ."

Chara looked up to see Asriel avoiding eye contact as he shuffled from foot to foot. A lump formed in Chara's throat as he realized that Asriel was thinking about their failed plan. It was obvious to Chara that Asriel was disappointed he was not already on the other side of the barrier, finding six more human souls he could use to free everyone from their underground prison.

"It's okay, Asriel," Chara tried, now his turn to avoid eye contact, "I'll think of some other way we can go through with our plan. We will be strong. . . . We will free everyone."

"Y-yeah!" Asriel chirped, but he still didn't look at Chara. "We'll free everyone . . . together."

Silence so loud that it was deafening hung in the air. Normally, the silence between Chara and Asriel was comforting, like the two didn't need to interact to find enjoyment in the other's company. Only now, the unspoken words between them weighed so heavily, Chara could barely breathe. As much as Chara felt like a failure, a part of him was glad he was still here now. It was beyond selfish of him when the freedom of everyone Underground depended on whether Chara lived or died, but Chara could continue to live with everyone hating him for simply being alive.

It was Asriel's disappointment they were still trapped Underground that caused an ache in Chara's chest, making it hard for him to breathe his chest was so tight.

"I'm, umm . . . ," Asriel looked at everything in the room but Chara, "what I guess I'm trying to say is . . . Uhh, actually, never mind."

Chara didn't ask what it was Asriel wanted to say. It might have been to express disappointment, or Asriel may have had suggestions for their idea. Either way, Asriel clearly wasn't ready to bring any of this up at the moment.

"I'm . . . going to go sit in the garden," Asriel finally said. "When you're feeling better, want to go bug hunting with me?"

Suddenly, Chara was brought back to when he first fell Underground. As he rested in bed, Asriel was a constant companion with whom he got along famously. Now, all this time later with the two becoming brothers in every way but by blood, it felt as if Chara was in a hospital, and this child before him was an unwilling visitor. It was upsetting to Chara how the situation had drastically changed as if for the worst. It almost had him wishing that he ate just one more buttercup, anything to prevent the disappointment on Asriel's face now.

"That sounds fun," Chara forced out when he realized he didn't respond to Asriel.

Nodding, Asriel still didn't look at Chara as he said, "Okay, we'll see how you're feeling tomorrow. Uhh . . . I'll . . . I'll see you later. Rest well, okay, Chara?"

"I will." As he watched Asriel leave the room, Chara felt his stomach tying itself into knots. The taste of bile rose up his throat. Suddenly remembering that he was holding soup, Chara could only set the bowl aside.

Asriel's eyes burned. He wanted so badly to tell Chara that he was happy his brother was still alive, but seeing the disappointment in Chara's face as they could no longer pull off their plan kept Asriel silent. As much as he wanted to be happy that Chara did wake up, he felt bad for being so selfish since Chara's waking up meant that everyone would have to remain trapped Underground. Asriel should not be selfish. Being prince and one day king of monsters, Asriel should be willing to put the needs of his people above his own wants and desires.

Yet in this moment, Asriel found that he didn't care about anyone else.

If wanting Chara to stay alive meant Asriel was being selfish for prolonging monsters' imprisonment, then Asriel was going to be the most selfish person alive.

Asriel's breathing grew heavy as he sat in the garden, but this was not the heavy breathing of one about to cry or already in tears.

This was the heavy breathing of anger.

Eyes locked on the very buttercups he had selected from to give to Chara, Asriel could feel nothing but rage.

It was Chara's idea to eat the buttercups so he could grow ill and pass away, but it was Asriel who gave them to Chara. It was Asriel who hand selected the very best buttercups with which to poison his own brother. It was Asriel who in his blind desire to do whatever it took to make Chara happy was ready to kill the one person he cared about most in the world.

As Asriel stood in the garden and stared at the buttercups, he felt himself begin to shake. As with the heavy breathing, this was not the shaking of fear. This was pure, unadulterated anger. This was a rage with which Asriel had never known before. He felt almost like a different person.

It made Asriel feel powerful.

Feeling a strange, hot sensation in his paws, Asriel looked at them. What he saw startled him. Fire had ignited in his fingers and consumed his paws. The fire didn't hurt him, but it hotly burned. As harmless as this fire was to Asriel, he knew it would damage and destroy anything else with which it came into contact.

Asriel slowly looked back up to glare at the buttercups. As his anger rose, so did the fire he held in his grasp. He could feel his fire burning hotter and brighter, giving Asriel a sense of power he had never felt before.

And Asriel knew exactly what he was going to do with it.

After finally getting himself to eat the soup, which had grown cold by that point, Chara started to feel restless. He was tired of staying in bed. Deciding that he would rather ask for forgiveness instead of permission to move around, Chara slowly crawled out of bed and grabbed the bowl to take it to the kitchen.

Shuffling through the hallway, Chara was surprised at how quiet the house was. Neither of his parents was anywhere to be seen. He at least expected Toriel to be in the kitchen making her famous cinnamon-butterscotch pie, but she was not there. However, the ingredients were out as if Toriel indeed planned to make the dessert. It was as if she was about to start before something more important pulled her away.

Chara, wanting to feel useful, pushed the stool towards the sink, stepped onto it, and began to wash his bowl. He tried to ignore the pie ingredients on the counter. It would be a very, very long time before Chara could feel comfortable with the thought of pie making, if ever again.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

Startled, Chara quickly spun around to see Merla walking into the kitchen. Her hair, which was in a neat braid earlier, was disheveled with strands sticking straight out the sides of her head. Sweat glazed her forehead, and there was a large burn patch on her shirt.

"What happened?" Chara asked, dropping the bowl in the sink as he took in Merla's distressed form. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Merla answered as she picked up a clean cloth, held it under running water, wrung it out, then pressed it against her face. "I enjoy playing fire fighter. Nothing like being an aquatic monster surrounded by intense flames!"

Merla's sarcasm made Chara uneasy. Something very valuable must have been burned if Merla was trying to make light of the situation. Struggling to speak, Chara managed to ask, "What caught fire?"

"The garden," Merla answered. "It looks like Asriel learned from you after all."

"Asriel?"

"Yeah. The little twerp was able to summon his own magical flames, and the first thing he did was set fire to Asgore's entire garden! Man, I thought your burning a single rose bush was bad. Well, your brother was not going to let you outdo him."

Unable to believe what Merla was saying, Chara jumped off the stool and began running to the garden. Merla called for Chara to stop, but he didn't listen. This was something Chara had to see for himself.

Even knowing what he did, Chara still was not prepared for what he walked into. The garden was left in desolation. There was not a single green thing left. There were a few blackened stems, but that was all that remained of the garden. Even the walls were scorched.

At the end of the room, Asgore and Toriel stood by the untouched thrones. Asriel was seated on Toriel's throne. Their parents had their backs facing the entrance, so they did not notice Chara walking in. Asriel, however, saw Chara the moment he entered. They made eye contact, and Chara felt as if he was looking at a stranger.

Asriel did not appear to be ashamed of what he had done. If anything, Asriel appeared almost proud. It was as if this destruction was not an accident caused by Asriel suddenly gaining magic he could not control, but instead intentional carnage by someone who had nowhere else to release his overwhelm of emotions.

It was like looking in a mirror, Chara realized as his chest grew tight. Before running away, Chara threw a similar tantrum – broken glass and destroyed China, toppled furniture small enough for a child to flip, all to release the rage that had built up from days being trapped in the bad room and breaking out to find nobody else home. After coming back to his senses and knowing that his life was as good as forfeit when someone came back to see what he had done, Chara ran to the mountain, believing someplace from which nobody ever returned would be more merciful than what he could expect if he stayed.

Asriel had released a similar rage. Moreso, Asriel looked as if he would do it again in a heartbeat. Chara swallowed.

Is Asriel this upset with me?

In the split second it took for Asriel and Chara to make eye contact, Toriel turned around and saw Chara standing in the doorway. She spoke. Chara didn't hear what she said to him, but he was sure it had something to do with his not being in bed.

Although he already knew the answer, Chara still asked, "What happened?"

"I happened."

Asriel did not sound remorseful or shocked or apologetic. He stated a fact. It was as if he had aged from a whimpering child to a certain grown up in the hour since Chara had last seen him.

For a moment, nobody moved. Then Asgore and Toriel looked at each other. Whatever was exchanged in their unspoken conversation was done quickly, for after a brief moment Asgore approached Chara while Toriel stayed with Asriel.

"What happened, King Dad?" Chara again asked as Asgore took him by the hand and lead him out of the throne room.

"Asriel can use his magic now," Asgore answered.

"He destroyed the entire garden."

"It's okay. Whatever was lost in the garden we can grow again. What's important right now is helping Asriel learn to control his magic."

"Will it be bad if Asriel can't control his magic?"

"Our magic is how we express ourselves. Unchecked emotions can result in a lack of control over one's magic. Normally, this isn't the worst situation to have with a young monster developing their first magical abilities, but since Asriel developed so much so quickly . . . It will involve some growing pains, but I assure you that everything with Asriel is going to be okay.

"It is you I am more worried about, Chara."

Heart skipping a beat, Chara looked up at Asgore to see the fatherly monster looking at him with love and concern. It was still hard for Chara to have others look at him not with condemnation, but with love. Even though Asgore was the adult Chara trusted most, it was still difficult for him to accept that his adopted father truly did love Chara unconditionally.

"Why are you worried about me?" Chara asked, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

Asgore squeezed Chara's hand. "I know you're aware of this, but I have to voice it no matter how hard. We almost lost you, Chara. When you wouldn't wake up . . . we were so afraid that we were never going to hear you laugh again, or see you playing with Asriel again, or embrace you in our arms again. I don't think you can begin to imagine the kind of despair that would have befallen us had we lost you."

Eyes burning, Chara couldn't stop himself from saying, "But why would you care so much for me? I am a mistake, and all I will ever be is a mistake."

"Don't say that," Asgore softly replied. "Chara, you're the hope for the future between humans and monsters. You're—"

"I am not the hope of anything!" Chara shouted, yanking his hand out of Asgore's. "I'm just some stupid kid who climbed a mountain I shouldn't have."

Asgore stared at Chara with an expression that was a combination between confusion and hurt. It pained Chara to see Asgore looking at him in such a way, but it was only fair Asgore knew the truth. Tears streaming down his face, Chara continued to let it out.

"Don't you see, King Dad, I'm not good for anything. My whole village hated me. My own parents were ashamed of me. I can't do anything right. How can you expect me to free everyone when all I ever do is fall short? King Dad, my gran—"

It was Chara's turn to be interrupted. Yet instead of Asgore shouting back at Chara, the larger monster fell to his knees and pulled Chara into a hug. Stunned, Chara could only stand there as Asgore's body enveloped him.

"Chara, I am so sorry," Asgore said softly, shocking Chara more than the sudden hug. "Did you really believe that I expected you to be the one to free everyone?"

"Well . . . , um, yeah . . . I mean, yes, I did." Chara was uncertain of what was happening. He couldn't figure out where Asgore was going with this.

That was why it was as if the floor was swept from beneath Chara's feet when Asgore told him, "I never expected you to break the barrier, my child."

All the air was sucked from Chara's lungs. There was no way Chara heard Asgore right. It was Chara's ancestor who helped set up the barrier, and although Asgore interrupted Chara from revealing that truth, it was Chara's destiny to be the one to break that same barrier.

No longer having the courage to confess his lineage, Chara could only softly whisper, "But you always told me that I'm the hope between humans and monsters."

Breaking the hug to pull away but still hold Chara at arms' length, tears flowed from Asgore's eyes as he said, "Oh, my child. My precious child. Had I known the pressure I was putting on you, I never would have said those words.

"I know you can't break the barrier. It took seven humans to cast the spell, and it will take the power of seven humans to end it. You are only one; nobody ever expected you to undo what seven others had done.

"What I mean was . . . Chara, I don't think you understand just how much hope we all receive when we see you and Asriel together. A human and a monster, yet you two are siblings in every way but blood. The hope you give us is not the hope of freedom, but the hope that if there's a human who can love a monster so much to call that monster their brother, then perhaps there are humans who would come to love us monsters half as much. Who knows? Maybe the humans will change their minds and break the barrier to free us. You see, Chara, the hope you give us is peace between humans and monsters, and you have been providing us that hope since the day you fell into our lives."

As Asgore spoke, Chara's chest grew tighter and heavier with each word. By the time Asgore had ceased speaking, the dam had burst. Finally hugging Asgore back and burying his face in Asgore's shoulder, Chara cried harder than he had ever cried before, repeating over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Chara," Asgore said, returning the hug, "you have nothing to apologize for."

Chara didn't have it in him to correct Asgore. If only his monster father knew what Chara was trying to do and almost done. I almost made a serious mistake.

After an unknown amount of time passed, the two broke the hug but still held onto one another. It was some time after that in which Asgore once again stood and took Chara's hand. The two walked together down the hall and back to Chara's room, where Asgore helped Chara back into bed and promised that he wouldn't have to stay bedridden for much longer.

"I'm sure your mother will be okay with your moving around the house tomorrow," Asgore said as he gently pat Chara on the back. "For now, get plenty of rest. I'll be back in a little while to check on you."

While Asgore was walking out the door, Chara called for him to wait. When Asgore stopped and turned to Chara, the human swallowed and said, "I love you, Dad."

Surprised for only half a moment, Asgore smiled and said, "I love you too, Chara."

After Asgore gently closed the door behind him, Chara settled under the covers. It was then he realized that the weight he had been carrying all this time was lifted. Chara was not the hope and future between humans and monsters because of the massive task he would one day fulfill; Chara was the hope and future between humans and monsters because of who he was.

For the first time in his life, Chara – the imperfect, broken child weighed by the guilt of who he was and what he had done – felt like he was enough.

It was after Chara had awaken from a surprise nap that he finally got to speak to Asriel. Opening his eyes, Chara saw his brother lying on his own bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. When Chara called Asriel's name, the monster kept his gaze locked above.

"I did it on purpose," was the first thing Asriel said. Before Chara could ask Asriel what he meant, the monster continued, "Just looking at those buttercups . . . I got so . . . so . . . angry. I don't think I had ever felt that angry before. Do you know what that anger did, Chara? It made fire come from my fingers. I had the hottest fire ever in my paws, but it did not hurt me. I wanted it to hurt something though, and those buttercups were right there."

In one swift motion, Asriel swung his legs over the side of the bed, sat upright, and finally looked at Chara. Like the crybaby he was, Asriel was in tears. Yet without a single hiccup, Asriel continued to tell Chara what had happened.

"I'm angry at you, Chara, for your plan." Before Chara could process any sort of emotion from that comment, Asriel then said, "But I'm angry at myself more. I don't know how I could think your plan was a good idea. I don't know how I could hand pick the flowers we were going to use to kill you. Chara, had you died . . . it wouldn't have been you killing yourself. It would have been me killing you. I saw those flowers and I just . . . I don't want to be reminded of what almost happened, so I burned them all, and I'm not sorry for it. Chara . . . , never again. Please, don't ever have ideas like that ever again. I want you to be happy more than anything, but I won't let it be at the cost of your life. Please, Chara . . . never again. . . ."

His own eyes burning with tears, Chara uttered one short promise with a lot of weight behind it. "Never again."

Asriel finally broke down and began to cry.

Chara soon followed.