Chapter 52: The Third Foster

"I went to a party last weekend," Bucky began. For the first time in a long time, he found himself actually eager to share with Dr. Raynor. Just the thought of Sarah had him grinning like a lovesick teen.

"What kind?"

"A retirement party, actually. Josiah's dad's friend, who funnily enough actually worked at Gravesen. I even talked to him a few times back then."

"That sounds like fun. But considering the smile on your face," she continued with a curious tilt of her head, "You had even more fun than just going to a party."

"I met someone."

Dr. Raynor smiled and scribbled something down in her notebook. "That's great. Tell me about them."

"It's a woman. Her name is Sarah, and she's actually the retiree's daughter."

"Interesting."

"Yeah. We reached for the Coke at the same time and bumped hands, and then we got to talking and kept it up the whole party. We exchanged numbers and we've been texting since."

"Do you have plans to see her again?"

"Yeah. We're going to get dinner on Friday."

"That sounds great. I'm happy for you. How are you feeling about this? You sound excited but I know dating can come with mixed feelings for anyone, especially someone in your situation."

"I'm mostly excited. I really enjoyed talking to her at the party. There was only a little bit of awkwardness at certain conversation topics, but overall it just felt really easy and…good," he concluded.

"Okay. This is great news, James. Finding love after loss is really hard, but you're putting in the work, putting yourself out there, and making great progress."

"There's only one thing," he said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"She doesn't know. About any of it. Well, she knows I'm bi, but my ring was hidden under my suit and she didn't ask about my arm. What if…when she finds out…she changes her mind?"

"There are lots of reasons people change their minds about relationships. That's a risk we take when we go out with a new person. If you being a cancer survivor or a widower is a dealbreaker for her, better to know that and end it than to keep it a secret. Keeping Steve in your life is also a priority, right alongside making new relationships."

"So you think I should tell her? Like soon?"

"Maybe not this Friday. It's up to your judgement. Nobody's in control except you and Sarah. You decide when to share what about yourself."

"I'm not good at making those sorts of decisions."

"Then take her lead. Use the same level of disclosure that she does, unless she shares more than you're comfortable doing at that moment."

"Okay." That sounded like good advice. Sarah certainly didn't seem like the type to overshare.

"Where are you guys going for your date?"

"I let her pick. We're going to a steakhouse."

"Sounds like fun."

"Yeah, I bet it will be."

Bucky actually couldn't wait to see Sarah again. He'd never felt this way about anybody, not even Steve, because their relationship had come about so differently than the norm. He only hoped Sarah felt the same way about him.

~0~

They didn't get another call until weeks after Nathaniel left. This was probably for the best, considering the physical and emotional damage Parker sustained during Nathaniel's time with them. The call was for a younger girl this time, only four years old, single mother sent to prison again for drug charges. Mary didn't say the exact number, but Parker sensed this was nowhere near her first offense. The poor kid had been bounced from foster home to mom and back again too many times in her short life. He knew most foster kids came from similarly troubled families, but it still hurt to hear. Parker asked Mary about the visitation plan—but there was none, with the mom in prison—anything else he ought to know about the history, and any allergies or other medical considerations. Mary told him there was no known history of physical abuse, but because of the mother's addiction there was definitely neglect. Parker took a deep breath. They could handle this.

"Okay, thank you. We can take her. When will she be arriving?"

"We would like to get her placed today. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes. We can do that." Parker started writing a mental to-do list. There was a lot to get done before she arrived.

"Thank you. She should be there sometime this afternoon."

"Okay." Parker hung up the phone, and squared his shoulders.

MJ was still at work, Carol May still at school, so he settled for telling Ben about the soon-to-be new member of their family. Whether he understood or not, Parker couldn't really tell, but if Maya's and Nate's time here were anything to go on, he'd be a great companion. Parker picked up the kid and swung him around joyfully. Ben giggled. He was so proud of his son already. The lack of attention he received when foster kids came into their home hadn't seemed to bother him. "You're such a good brother. You know that, right?"

"Ya," he cooed. Parker didn't know if that was a real yes or baby babble, but it made him smile nonetheless. He set Ben down to play and stripped the bed in the spare room to wash the sheets so they'd be fresh for the new kid. MJ got home with Carol May just as he pulled them out of the dryer.

"Another kid's coming?" MJ asked.

"Yeah. In and out of the system her whole life. Mom's a drug addict."

"That's so sad."

"I know. But we just have to do our best to take care of her while she's here. The rest is out of our hands."

"That's right."

Carol May tugged on the hem of his shirt. "I'm getting another foster sister?"

"Yep. And this time, she's your age."

"Really? Is she deaf too?"

"No. At least, I don't think so." Mary probably would've mentioned if that were the case.

"Will she be scared too?"

"Yeah, sweetie. I think all foster kids are at least a little bit scared. Everyone's experience is different."

"Okay. I'll go make her a card."

"Good idea."

She dashed off to the arts and crafts cabinet and then to the floor beside where Ben was playing. Parker and MJ ran through their pre-new-foster-kid checklist and braced themselves for whatever state this kid might be in when she arrived. MJ made a quick grocery store run to restock the kids' snack pantry while Parker waited for another phone call. It came just as MJ packed away the last of the food.

"We'll be there in ten minutes."

Parker braced himself. This was really happening. When the knock at the door came, he plastered on his friendliest face and opened it. Mary was there with a small, brown-haired girl who carried a trash bag in one hand. Parker fought the urge to start crying because no kid should have to carry their things around in a trash bag, but he knew now was not the time to address it. He could buy the girl a suitcase later.

Parker crouched down to her level. "Hello, I'm Parker. This is MJ," he said, pointing to his wife standing behind him. "Would you like to come inside?"

She nodded ever so hesitantly.

"What's your name?" he asked. He already knew, but he wanted to give her a chance to introduce herself.

"Morgan," she said, so quietly he almost couldn't even make it out.

"It's nice to meet you Morgan. Would you like to see your room?"

She nodded again. Parker took Morgan to her room while MJ talked to Mary and got the paperwork settled. He thought to himself, "We make a great team," as he opened the door and let Morgan inside. She gazed around the space, seemingly in awe of its size or maybe its color. Parker and MJ had chosen a nice baby blue for the walls and the bookshelf had the books displayed cover out instead of spine out so they were easier to see. Morgan put the trash bag down next to the bed and reached out a tentative hand to feel the comforter.

"Is that soft?" Parker asked.

She nodded.

"This is where you can sleep. Now let me show you where MJ and I sleep." He took her two doors down to his and MJ's room. "So if you need us in the middle of the night, you can come and knock on this door or yell and we can help you, okay?"

"Okay."

He took her through the living room and showed her all the toys she could play with, hoping she liked the same sorts of things Carol May did because that's what they had the most of, and ended in the kitchen. "You can always take any of these snacks, you don't have to ask," he explained, pointing to the kid-accessible drawer. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"When will I go back to Mommy?"

Parker had been prepared for just about every question except for that. "I don't know," he admitted. "Your mom can't take care of you right now, but don't worry, because MJ and I will take care of you until she's ready to take you back."

"Okay." She sounded beyond disappointed.

"Now, are you hungry? Or do you want to go check out some of the toys?" He kept the list of options short so she wouldn't have to think too much.

"I want to play," she said.

"Okay, that sounds fun. Before we do that, there's two more people I want you to meet." Parker called for Carol May and Ben; he and Morgan met them in the living room where all the toys were. "This is Carol May and Ben; they live here too."

"Hi," Carol May said.

Ben waved hello. Morgan waved back shyly.

"I made this for you." Carol May handed her another card. Morgan only stared at it. Carol May frowned at Parker, probably wondering why Morgan didn't say thank you.

"Thank you, Carol May, that's very nice of you," he said. "Morgan, you can put that right here while we play." She placed the card on the top of the shelf and went straight for Carol May's favorite action figure. Carol May—bless her—didn't argue over who got to play with it first like she did whenever Ben took it—but just picked up a different one. Parker smiled, beyond thrilled with how his kids were adapting to having foster siblings. Morgan didn't seem to know what to do with the doll, she just turned it over in her hands, staring at it. Horrified, Parker wondered if she'd ever played with toys before. But Mary said she'd been in foster care before, and any good foster home would have toys. She must've played at some point in her life. Maybe she just needed a little prompting.

Parker told her the toy's name and explained a few of the ways Carol May usually played with him, which included making obstacle courses for him to run, playing with him in the dollhouse, or having him fight other toys. Morgan latched onto the fighting option. Parker knew aggressive play was a good outlet, but he mentally prepared himself for things to go south. He dug out a small stuffed animal for Morgan to have fight the action figure and watched as she raised the figure's fist to punch. It quickly became far more violent than any of Carol May's pretend fights, and Parker urged MJ to take Ben and Carol May out of the room. Fortunately, Morgan didn't notice, too busy pummeling the stuffed animal into oblivion.

She kept at it for over ten minutes. Parker watched with bated breath, hoping she didn't resort to throwing the solid action figure. "If you want to hit something too, we have a toy for that," he offered. An inflatable punching bag had come highly recommended by all the foster parent advice blogs, to redirect violent behavior towards a safe target. Parker pointed her towards the bag in the corner. Morgan threw both toys at it and then wailed on it for a little while longer until she grew tired.

"Do you feel better?" Parker asked.

"No."

"That's okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay. That's fine. Do you want to spend some alone time in your room?"

"No."

"Okay. Do you want to go for a walk outside? That sometimes makes me feel better when I'm upset."

She didn't immediately say no, which was encouraging. Eventually, she even nodded. It was chilly outside, but Morgan hadn't come in with a coat. Parker asked if he could look through her trash bag for a coat, and she gave him permission, but he didn't find one. He grabbed one Carol May had just outgrown that he and MJ saved just for this sort of situation and offered it to Morgan. "It's pretty chilly outside, so you can wear this if you get cold. Later, we can go out and buy you one of your own, how does that sound?"

She didn't respond, but she did accept the coat. Parker helped her put it on, but she refused to let him zip it up. "We're going for a walk," he announced to the house. "Be back in a few." He opened the door and followed Morgan outside. They took a lap around the house first, then up the street. When they reached the edge of the sidewalk, Parker stopped because there was a car approaching, but Morgan kept going.

Parker panicked and grabbed her by the back of the jacket to pull her back to safety. The car drove by without slowing down, reassuring him that he'd actually needed to take such drastic action to protect Morgan. But her reaction to the sudden contact had the opposite effect. She recoiled and pulled the jacket tight around herself like a shield.

He knelt down to her level and immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry I grabbed you like that. There was a car that might have hit you." They could talk about the "look both ways" rule later, after he'd deescalated this situation. "Did I hurt you?" he asked.

She shook her head no. "Scary."

"Yeah, that must have been pretty scary. I'm sorry I scared you. But everything's okay now. Do you want to keep walking, or go home?"

"I wanna go home."

"Okay we can do that." He started back towards the house.

Morgan stomped her foot. "Not that one. I wanna go home."

Oh. She meant her home. With her mom. "I'm sorry Morgan, but you can't go there right now. Not until your mom is ready to take care of you again." He couldn't exactly tell her that she had to finish serving a prison sentence and then probably a drug rehab program.

"And then they'll come and take me again."

That was hopefully not true, but Parker couldn't guarantee that. He didn't know exactly how many, but Morgan had been removed and placed in foster care several times in her four years of life.

"I hope that doesn't happen," Parker said genuinely. "But I don't know what's in the future. All I know is that me and MJ and Miss Mary are going to do everything we can to take care of you and make you feel safe and get you and your mom back together."

She didn't look particularly convinced. Parker knew a little speech wasn't going to fix years of trauma, but it was better than doing nothing. Morgan asked to go back to the house, and that's exactly what they did. She beat on the punching bag a few more times and retreated to her room. He had a lot to write in the day's notes.