Chapter 53: The Story
Bucky couldn't wait to see Sarah again. It had barely been a week since the party, but he wanted to continue the conversation. When Friday evening finally rolled around, he threw on his favorite red Henley and least-worn pair of jeans. He spent a frankly ridiculous amount of time in front of the mirror making sure the cut left sleeve sat just right and his hair wasn't too unruly. After deeming his appearance acceptable, he set off for the address Sarah gave him. She lived closer to the city, so they chose a halfway point for their date.
He parked the car and walked towards the restaurant's entrance. Sarah was easy to spot on a bench by the door, wearing a casual floral-patterned sundress with her braided hair down. "Hey Sarah." Bucky greeted her with an awkward three-fingered wave that he immediately regretted. It had looked much cooler in his head. Fortunately, she didn't laugh at him. He offered his elbow, she took it, and together they walked inside and were shown to their table.
Their waiter was a tall red-headed man who was either always flustered or just new to the job. He took their drink orders—both waters—and left them to look over the menus. Bucky held his up high enough to block his face from Sarah's view. It hadn't occurred to him until now how much of a minefield a steakhouse menu was to a one-armed guy trying to impress a girl that he just met last week.
"Is there a reason you're hiding?" Sarah asked teasingly.
He put the menu down and smiled. "No." Hoping his eyes carried no obvious panic, he continued to scan the pages in front of him. In an ideal world, he wanted a steak, but there was no guarantee the staff would agree to cut it for him. He'd never been to this particular restaurant before, and of the others he'd ordered at, maybe sixty to seventy percent agreed. Bucky had always let Steve cut it for him if they refused. Sometimes people stared, but they usually figured it out after a closer look at Bucky. Still, he wasn't about to ask Sarah to do that. She'd probably be more than happy to, but his self-esteem refused to even consider asking. He could try to cut it himself, but it would take forever and he didn't want Sarah to feel awkward. And he refused to pick up the whole thing on his fork and take bites like he sometimes did when he ate steak at home surrounded by people he knew well. That sort of thing he never did in public.
There were some other options, but none of them really appealed to him. Sandwiches and burgers could get messy way too easily; he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Sarah. He didn't really like seafood, and he knew a salad would just leave him distractedly hungry for the rest of the evening. Bucky hated to settle because of worrying about lack of accommodation, so he decided to just go for it and hope they heeded his request to cut it before bringing it to their table.
"Have you decided yet?" Sarah asked. Only then did Bucky realize he hadn't said a word in at least a few minutes. That was…definitely awkward.
"Yep. You?"
"Yeah." She smiled. "So…this may be a little personal for a first date."
Bucky braced himself for the arm question. The answer was widely available on the internet—he'd done plenty of interviews that covered the subject throughout his career—but maybe Sarah was the type who never Googled her dates.
She continued, "Why do you think we met?"
The question took him completely by surprise. Sarah was looking at him with wide-eyed expectation and thoughtfulness. Bucky had no idea what to say. He hadn't planned on dating again anytime soon after Leah, but meeting Sarah changed his mind. Meeting Sarah was why he changed his mind, but he wasn't sure if him needing to change his mind was the reason why they met. He still wasn't sure if Steve was right about him finding love again. So far, his every attempt at a romantic relationship had been slaughtered by either his inability to move on from his late husband, or his partner's opinion of him having a late husband. Sarah still had no idea of Bucky's status as a widower, and Bucky was honestly scared to find out how that revelation would go this time around.
Without a real reason to provide, he settled for humor, "We met because we both like Coke and both apparently have a tendency not to look where we're going."
She laughed, just as he'd hoped. "You make a good point."
"But you were looking for a more…philosophical answer?" he presumed.
"Maybe. I actually always ask that on a first date."
"So what I'm hearing is that I'm not special."
"Not when it comes to this question, no."
"Why don't you answer first?"
"No, that's now how it works."
"Okay, fine. I think we met because…we both know Dr. Wilson, and we both got invited to his retirement party."
"Maybe slightly more philosophical than your last answer, but not quite there."
Bucky considered for a moment. "I think we met because we both needed a person we could have fun with," he decided. That sounded philosophical enough.
Her eyes sparkled. "I think so too."
They stared at each other so intently that they both startled when the waiter returned. He placed their drinks on the table and said he'd be back soon to take their orders. Bucky reached for his glass, brought it to his lips, and—almost too late—realized it was undrinkable. Not wanting to look too awkward, he faked a sip, the smell of it making his stomach coil in anticipation, before putting the glass back down. They put lemon in the water. Not just a slice on the rim of the glass, but a half-squeezed wedge submerged among the ice cubes. At no point did the waiter ask him if he had a preference.
Bucky didn't know what to do. There was no way he could drink even a single sip of this without suffering crippling nausea the rest of the night or literally throwing up on Sarah—neither of which was an acceptable option. His only way out was to ask the waiter for a new water without lemon. But what would Sarah think? She'd probably chuckle and ask him why he hated lemon enough to trouble the waiter for a new water. Bucky was not prepared to explain his cancer history, but he didn't want to lie and make up some other reason for his hatred of the flavor.
His panic must've have bled through onto his face, because Sarah quirked a smile and asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah," he said reflexively. Bucky watched as Sarah drank her lemon infused water without reservation. When he chose Lemon Drops as a scapegoat food, he hadn't anticipated developing such a strong aversion to everything lemon. It rarely bothered him, because he knew how to avoid triggers, but that meant when he did encounter one, it caught him completely off guard. His thoughts were still roiling when the waiter came back.
"What are you having tonight?" he asked.
"He'll have a new water—without lemon, please," Sarah said.
Bucky's mouth nearly fell open. Luckily, he caught it at the last second.
"Sure thing," the waiter replied. He grabbed Bucky's glass and slid it to the end of the table to take away.
"I'll have the eight-ounce sirloin," Sarah said.
"How would you like that cooked?"
"Medium."
He took her menu and turned to Bucky. "And for you, sir?"
Bucky decided to bite the bullet and hope this place accommodated him. "The twelve-ounce ribeye, please."
"How would you like that cooked?"
"Well done." Old habits from his life with Steve. Their meat was always well done. "Also, would it be possible for you or the chef to cut it before you bring it out?"
A look of pure confusion descended on the waiter's face. Bucky subtly flexed his pec and waited for him to put the pieces together. He stifled a laugh when the confusion turned to realization and the guy's eyes widened comically. "Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll be sure it's cut."
He internally sighed with relief. "Thank you."
"No problem. Anything else I can do?"
"I think we're good, thank you." Bucky watched him go, taking the lemon water with him, then turned to Sarah. "How did you know I don't like the lemon water?"
"Your eyes scrunched up all tight when you sipped it," she explained.
"Oh." Evidently, he hadn't hidden his reaction as well as he'd hoped. "Well, thanks. I was too embarrassed to ask for a new one."
"Don't be embarrassed. It's not your fault if you don't like something."
In my case, it kind of is, he thought. He smiled sheepishly. "I guess you're right."
"Me, I don't like garlic. It's okay in small amounts, but anything cooked with just a little too much," she crinkled her nose in disgust, "Is not for me."
"Are you trying to tell me you're a vampire?"
"No. I wait until the third date to reveal that."
"Oh, okay." Their laughter made him forget all about the stress the first half of this dinner had brought. His steak was brought out precut into bite-sized pieces just as he'd asked, which further reinforced his confidence. They talked about everything from his cat to Sarah's childhood encounters with alligators back in Louisiana. By the end of the night, he'd laughed so much his gut hurt and his heart ignited with a burning desire to kiss the beautiful smile right off Sarah's face.
Luckily for him, that desire was reciprocated.
~0~
Morgan was very different than either Nate or Maya. Parker didn't like to think of one kid as easier or harder to parent than another, but they each definitely presented unique challenges. Morgan threw at least one tantrum every day, only some of which Parker managed to defuse safely. Among the victims were one of Carol May's Barbie dolls and a framed photo of Parker and his dads in the front hall. Carol May actually handled the destruction of a treasured possession better than Parker did. Fortunately, MJ was home when it happened, so she took over handling the situation while Parker stepped back to cool off in private. He wasn't even mad at Morgan, but at the circumstances that smashed her happy family the way she'd smashed the picture of his.
No kid should ever be taken from their family with no idea of when they'd return home. At least in Parker's case, he knew when: never. But that certainty of never at least helped him adjust and move forward. Morgan was even younger than he'd been, and caught in the worst kind of limbo imaginable. As part of his training, he'd taken classes on how to destress for situations much like this one, but in his fury, he couldn't remember a single one of them. All he could do was pace back and forth and grit his teeth in frustration.
He lost track of how long he'd been fuming when MJ came into the room. "She's calmed down now. Wanted to be alone in her room for a bit. How are you doing?"
Parker only sighed. "Of all the things I thought I'd learn by becoming a foster parent, the last thing I expected was to learn just how lucky I was." All his frustration, anger, and sorrow rocketed from his fingertips to his tear ducts. MJ gently ran her hands through his hair and tipped her forehead down to rest against his. Parker took a deep breath and made no effort to quell the tears.
"It's okay to be grateful for the people in your life," MJ reminded him. "You having a steady family that loves you does not make you responsible for the kids that don't. You're not taking anything away from them."
He knew that, but it still hurt. "I just wish they could all be as lucky as I was."
"And you're doing everything you can to make sure that happens." She paused with a thoughtful hum. "I think we could both use a break. What would you say to respite care?"
"What?"
"You know. Having Morgan stay with another family for a night or two. We could get a sitter for the other kids too, take some time to ourselves. A reset could be helpful for us."
Parker tried to imagine how he would've reacted if the Jones sent him and Ned to stay with another family during their time there. Guilt and fear were the first things to come to mind. "I don't want Morgan to think that we need a break from her."
"We'll make sure she knows it's not her fault. I've been reading up on this lately, finding advice from other foster parents. We can just tell her we have a few things we need to take care of. Another family's going to help us do that. She can even meet the family ahead of time to help prepare her for what it's going to be like. And it's only a few days."
"I don't know."
"Do you trust me, Parker?"
"Of course."
"I think you need this. After Nathaniel, you've been a little…obsessed with being a 'perfect' foster parent. Anytime Morgan's not thriving, you take it personally. That's not the right way to approach this, and I know you know that. But a few steps back from the heat of the situation, just for a little while, I think could be really beneficial."
Parker knew she was right. MJ was rarely wrong, especially when it came to reading him. "Okay," he relented. "On one condition."
"What?"
"She stays with Tony."
~0~
Tony had been fully certified for a while, now just waiting on the right child to welcome into his family. When Parker and MJ asked if he'd be willing to watch Morgan for a weekend, he seized this perfect opportunity to practice parenting a child with a complicated trauma history. He visited the Weaver house the week before respite care was to begin so that he and Morgan could get to know each other.
Tony knelt down to her level as soon as Parker opened the door. "Hi Morgan, it's nice to meet you. I'm Tony."
"Hi," she said shyly.
He didn't really know what to expect of this interaction, deciding just to play it by ear. Parker directed them to the room where all the toys were kept. Tony noticed that Morgan gravitated towards Tinker Toys. Her building skills impressed him. Within minutes, she had a vast structure going, without looking at any of the pictures on the barrel or in the booklet. Whatever it was, she designed herself.
"Tell me about this project of yours," he said, indicating the build.
"It's a machine," she said.
"What does it do?"
"Turns air into candy." She pointed to a pile of smaller pieces sitting beside the structure.
"Now that's a neat invention. I could use one of those."
"I'll make you one."
"Great. Thank you."
Parker, standing out of Morgan's field of view, shot him a thumbs-up. Tony couldn't wait for this weekend.
He stocked up on kid-friendly snacks, made up the bed in the second bedroom on his floor of the tower, and reviewed all the tips and techniques for trauma-informed parenting that he'd learned in all his courses. Hopefully nothing too terrible would happen over the course of these two days, but he wanted to be prepared for the worst. Morgan's social worker dropped her off at four thirty on Friday afternoon. Parker and MJ were driving up to Bucky's to leave Carol May and Ben there for the weekend, but they promised they'd be available by phone all weekend should he need anything. Tony hoped it wouldn't come to that. He wanted them to have the restful respite they deserved.
"Your house is so tall," Morgan remarked.
"Well, it's not just my house. I work here too. So do a bunch of other people. I really only live at the very top. Every floor does something a little bit different."
"Wow. I want to see out the top window."
"Sure thing. You want to take the elevator or the stairs?"
Her jaw fell open. Suddenly, he realized that she may be too young to interpret sarcasm.
"Just kidding," he corrected. "We don't have to walk all that way. The elevator will be much faster."
"Okay."
Tony offered to carry her suitcase for her, a suitcase that Parker and MJ had bought her for this occasion. They took the elevator all the way to the penthouse. Morgan bolted straight for the first window she saw. "Whoa. We're so high."
"I know. You can see the whole city from here."
"Do you think I can see Mommy?"
Tony's heart ground to a halt. "I don't know."
Morgan immediately deflated. "Nobody knows anything about Mommy. I hope she's okay."
"I hope so too." He couldn't tell a four-year-old that serving time in prison and detoxing from drug use wasn't exactly okay. "Hey, do you like trampolines?" he asked, hoping the redirect successfully distracted her from thinking about her mom.
Morgan nodded.
"What if I told you there's a place in this tower where the floor is all trampolines."
"I don't believe you."
She started believing him when the elevator doors opened onto the trampoline floor. They bounced for hours, until Morgan was so tired she could barely stand up. Tony presented her two options for dinner from the list of things Parker said were her favorites, and she chose spaghetti. "Lucky for you, that's one of my specialties."
His anticipation grew as they approached bedtime. He knew this could be the hardest time of day for kids like Morgan. She changed into her pajamas all by herself and let Tony help her brush her teeth. Her favorite stuffed animal had been packed in her suitcase, and she curled up with it in bed as Tony tucked her in.
"Can you tell me a story?"
Tony didn't know any bedtime stories off the top of his head. "Once upon a time, Morgan went to bed," he said, hoping that she found it funny enough to accept as a story.
"That is a horrible story," she told him.
"Okay, okay, you're right. Let's see…" with no better ideas, Tony launched into a very personal story. "Once upon a time, there was a man."
Morgan eyed him skeptically, but allowed him to continue.
"Growing up, he didn't get along with his dad. They didn't really fight, but they didn't understand each other. The man grew up thinking that there was something wrong with him, a reason that his dad didn't connect with him the way parents were supposed to. When he was a teenager, he learned more about his dad's past, and they started getting along better after that. The man started to think that he wanted to be a father too.
"A lot of his friends were getting married and having babies, and he was jealous. He wanted a baby of his own, but he didn't have anyone to marry. But, he was getting lots of practice being a daddy by looking after his friend's kids. He practiced and practiced and even took classes to learn how to be a good dad." This was as far as Tony had gotten in his own life story, but he decided to tell Morgan the ending that he hoped came to fruition. "And then, a kid came along who didn't have a Mommy or Daddy to take care of them. They needed a home, and the man opened his door to welcome the kid into his family. They all lived happily ever after."
Morgan didn't pass any judgement on his story. She was fast asleep by the time he finished. Tony couldn't wait for her to find her happily ever after.