Chap 11
Loid POV
I knew walking up the stairs toward the apartment that something was different in the air. I couldn't put my finger on it, but knew that change was coming. Part of me wondered if Anya's fight at Becky's party compromised the mission but I see it was helpful according to HQ. I need to get it together, my mind is so scattered I need to focus.
I enter the house and the lights are on and only Anya sits at the dining room table, she stands once she sees me enter. She looks like she wants to say something but seems to be holding her tongue.
I'll start then "Anya I'm glad you're out of your room. I've been wanting to tell you how sorry-" she raises her hand.
"Before we apologize, I actually wanted to talk to you about something. I want to put everything out on the table between us so we can move forward." She says lowering her arms by her sides, taking a deep breath.
Her posture shows that this is important to her. I shrug off my hat and jacket, placing my briefcase by the door, before walking and having a seat across from her.
"Of course, anything you want to say, I'm listening to you." I say calmly, wanting to reach across and comfort her because she's shaking just slightly.
"I just want to be honest with you, you deserve that much and hopefully we can work together to complete Operation STRIX" my heart dropped into my ass, I kept my face straight not a single muscle twitch.
"What are you talking about? Are you talking about your show right now?" I ask her, but obviously my mind is going a mile a minute.
Where could she have gotten that from, there's no way she could know about.
"I know you're a spy for the West… Agent Twilight." She says confidently and I stand out of reflex.
"What are you-" she cuts me off to continue "I know you needed to start a family to infiltrate Eden to get close to Donovan Desmond. Which is where I came in, isn't it? You needed a child to play your perfect little daughter." The venom that is laced with the last sentence is enough to tear at my heartstrings.
"Anya that's not all-" I try to counter but she just continues over me like I'm not even speaking.
"Only you didn't get a perfect daughter, you got a problem child. Who has no talents, can't get anything higher than a C average without having to resort to cheating, can't make friends and is useless to your mission. I was looking for a family and you manipulated my entire life to your agenda while using me as a tool!" Tears streamed down her face, the pain strained against her vocal chords as her voice rose louder.
I put my hands up "Anya please calm down, let's talk about this." trying to stress the urgency in her volume especially when announcing my secrets for the entire complex to hear.
She takes a deep steadying breath before she continues. "What you don't realize is I'M in charge of my life because when you're done with your mission, you get to move on. I'll be back to where I started, taking care of myself and never seeing you again."
My heart shattered with every truth she spoke, I could not even think I just listened. I realize at this point this is the least I owe her.
"I won't have the luxury of moving on so easily. I'm not trained to turn my emotions on and off like you! Do you even know what love is? What it really feels like to love someone?"
She wipes her face, "a part of me always hoped you loved me. But I realized I don't care if you don't really love me, or if it's your mission to love me because I do. I love me." I reach across the table and take her hands in mine but she pulls away.
"Anya stop, it's not like that." I plead to her and she glares at me "Then explain it to me, but know that I'll know if you're lying." she crosses her arms and I don't know why I found it very intimidating, I never thought I would be put on the spot like this especially by my own daughter.
But after my talk with Yor and her saying I should just be honest with how I feel with Anya. Especially after hearing her announce my deepest darkest secret at the dinner table. I literally have nothing else to lose.
I square my shoulders and look straight at her and tell her everything.
"Anya, yes I do have a mission, I did choose you for the mission which I realize was wrong. Not for the reasons you think. It's because you did deserved a family who could be there for you longer than I knew I could. Because you are worth it and deserving of happiness. I shouldn't have put this pressure on you, especially so young, it wasn't fair to you." I clench my fist tightly.
"But don't you think for a second that I don't love you or that I have to love you. I've learned to be a better person with you. While I protected, cared for you and watched you grow into the most beautiful young woman that I know. I would be damned to let Damian Desmond destroy if he's like his father, because I love you!" I pant not realizing I barely took a moment to breathe.
She stared at me intently for a moment, not responding, just looking at me as if she was peering into me.
"I believe you." She said a small smile ghosting her lips. I almost want to ask 'You do?' But know that would sound stupid, but I only feel that way because it feels all too simple.
She nods her head "I know you're being honest in what you're saying. Which makes the apology just that simple." I want to exhale a sigh of relief but the tension remains.
She knows my identity, if I tell HQ they'll pull me.
"Don't tell them!" Anya says quickly "we can finish this ourselves."
I raise my brow at her "what do you mean? I didn't say anything."
She blushes a bit and fidgets with her fingers "I guess I should be honest too now, it's only fair."
My heart races at the thought of what type of secret could she have kept from me all these years. Thinking of any and all the possibilities they could be, even to the ones I may have heard in the wind along the years as a spy.
"Stop, those are weird, no, that exists?" She starts to ramble where it doesn't make sense.
"Okay how about this, think of a number between 1 and 1,000." She says smiling at this game.
"I don't see the point." I say pointedly, it's impossible for her to know with that many options available.
479
"You thought of 479" she said factually without hesitation. I sit up closer to her and think of a different number quickly deeming it a fluke.
735
"Now you changed it to 735, we can't play if you're going to cheat me. Already out the window with honesty?" I gape at her and shake my head.
"What are you trying to say Anya?" She tilted her head at me as if it was obvious "I'm a telepath, I can read your-"
"Thoughts?" I finish her sentence in disbelief. I just kept thinking in my head.
How is this possible? How long? When?
"Slow down with the questions." She says even though I clearly haven't said a word yet. I stand shaking my head.
This can't…no…impossible.
"I know this is crazy and I'm prepared to be interrogated." She crosses her arms on the table and she begins her story. "Look all I remember were some doctors or scientists giving me tests all the time, forcing me to study and wear wires on my head. Saying that I would change the world as we know it." She shrugged sadly, "I don't remember much other than I was miserable there."
"Do you remember how you escaped?" I managed to say after the initial shock wore off, thinking of the trauma she must've endured at such a young age.
"This older woman who worked there snuck me out a staff entrance and drove me a few towns over and dropped me off at an orphanage… I don't even remember her name…" She says with a frown.
I move to a seat beside her and hold her hand in mine, and for the first time in what could be since we became a family. We talked about her past and our collective past and I was able to help her through some of her feelings. Even if I didn't like hearing how I made her feel at times. Which breaks my heart, because in those days the person I was, heartless and devoid of emotion because that was the job.
But the person I am now, after feeling the love of a family, I've changed. Which is why I wanted to protect Anya so strongly even if I forsake the mission. Especially when it came to Damian, because I don't want him to disappoint her and break her heart.
But not only for the success of the mission will I encourage their relationship, but because it will make Anya happy. I hope that he is not who his father is. But even if he is, as her father I'll be right there.
"Why don't you invite him over for dinner next weekend?" I say with a smile, and her eyes shine. I'm unsure if she's reading my mind, but either way I mean it. I've only seen him from afar or on the rare occasion I get a call from the school about Anya's behavior to him and his friends. Which feels like just yesterday, but maybe the tide is turning in our favor. I have to lean into this good fortune and hope that it has the end result the world needs, she nods. "I'll ask him." she excitedly exclaims.
It felt like hours of us talking and making up with apologies about what was said and apparently unsaid between us. But it couldn't have been that long, as Yor entered the house with take out for dinner. They obviously worked it out so we could talk in private, but to what extent did she tell to Yor of what she knew about me or herself.
Already attuned with my thoughts Anya shakes her head 'No' at me without Yor noticing, which I'm assuming means she hasn't told Yor about her findings about me or herself. I take a sigh of relief, I can't have Yor knowing with her close relationship with her brother. Even if it were to slip to him what or who I am, that would be the end before we could even really begin. Especially when she's more likely to spill secrets if she's had too many glasses of wine.
While we sat and ate the array of dumplings with rice she bought I pondered on how this will shift the mission. What ways could this make it easier to get to the target and make contact in such a way.
If only I had planted a bug on Damian or those men from Becky's party.
Anya's eye widened a bit as she was speaking to Yor about classes picking up this week now that the first week is over. She opens her phone and does a few clicks and passes me her phone. If Yor notices she doesn't say or acknowledge it at all. I recognize the interface since it's the same one that came with my spy kit. She must've copied the software, when did she get so resourceful. I eye her warily, and she smiles while talking to Yor but I know it's for me.
Seems we have more to talk about.
I see there were some recordings from the night of Becky's party and the evening after. I click to see if they were saved and thankfully the settings are set to Auto-Save. I forward them to myself so I can analyze them later and see if anything useful comes from it. Sliding her phone back to her, it just feels surreal that Anya has grown this much.
She truly isn't a baby anymore, she's a young woman.
A/N: I have been working very hard on this story guys, I'm hoping the stuff I have planned is to your enjoyment! Todays the last episode of the sub version of Spy X Family. So if you still want that fix, I'll be posting updates periodically. So you can follow along with Anya's mission.