Higashikata Tomoko heard the doorbell and by the time, she assumed it was the mail so she abandoned her coffee and went to answer the door, suppressing a yawn.
-Good morning, Ishimura-kun.- she greeted the young postman who was carrying a huge box in his arms.
-Good morning, Tomoko-san. The things you asked for Josuke-kun's birthday and a lot of letters arrived.- said the young man, passing her the things.
-Thank you.- she said, receiving them.
-Tomoko-san.-
-Yes?-
-Would you like to go out one day? I don't know, to have an ice cream or a coffee?-
-No, thanks. See you.-
Tomoko bowed slightly and closed the door with her foot. What's up with that insistent guy? Every other day he asked her out on a date, despite her constant refusals. Why doesn't he go out with young people his age?
While thinking about that, she mishandled the box and the letters on it fell to the ground. Cursing, she set the box down on the table and bent down to pick up the mess when a sleek gray envelope caught his eye.
-What is this?- she asked, opening it curiously.
Kujo Jotaro & Susanna Bangles invite you and your companion to witness their union in marriage on September 23 at 5:00 p.m. in the ballroom of the Four Seasons Hotel located at 757 Market St, San Francisco, CA.
Please, confirm your assistance.
- What? Is Jotaro going to get married? and not with Kakyoin?
oOo
At the same time, but in a different time zone, Caesar Zeppeli was at his home in New York reading some legal documents when Roses, Suzie Joestar's butler and right-hand man, burst into the library startling him.
-Signor Caesar.-
-Roses, heavens, you almost scared me to death, what's wrong?-
The butler, looking circumspect, handed him an open gray envelope.
-Better go to the living room, Mrs. Suzie and Mr. Joseph are losing their minds.-
-That's nothing new, they always…-
His words were lost in the air as he read the marriage report. He had to read the information several times for his brain to process it. That his grandson was going to marry whom and when?!
He bolted out of the library and into the living room, where the voices of his husband and his friend could be clearly heard. As he entered, he saw them talking excitedly: Joseph was jotting something down in a huge notebook while Suzie was leafing through magazines.
-Oh! Caro, did you read the letter? JoJo bambino is marrying!- exclaimed Suzie getting up to hug him.
-Yes, but…-
-I didn't think it would be so soon!- Joseph said. -I would have liked him to tell us about his relationship with Kakyoin first, but well…-
-We did that too and no one was alarmed, JoJo.- Suzie told him.
-Hey…-
-Caesar, in the Netherlands they are still discussing same-sex marriage, but we can have an unofficial ceremony as we did, what do you think? Do you think the Lakota shaman is still alive?- Joseph asked.
-Wait, the thing is …-
-Would be great! The good thing is that society is advancing, so now it is not necessary to do it in secret- Suzie said passing him a bunch of bridal(?) magazines to Caesar. -I already had several ideas marked, I have been planning this wedding for years. Do you think Kakyoin likes to wear white or black?-
-But Jotaro didn't…-
-I knew this would happen eventually.- Joseph was saying. -Look at them, believing that they took us by surprise when we know very well that they love each other and have been together for years.-
-I don't know what is the point to hide it in any case, like, it's not as if we were going to judge them, right?-
-I don't have the audacity to do that.- laughed Joseph.
-Hey, listen for a sec…-
-I was literally the one who insisted that Kakyoin confesses to JoJo bambino, because our baby is stupid.- Suzie said.
-JOTARO IS NOT GOING TO MARRY KAKYOIN, HE'S GOING TO MARRY A WOMAN CALLED SUSANNA, CAN'T YOU READ?- Caesar bellowed, exasperated.
Joseph and Suzie blinked slowly at him.
-Don't be ridiculous, why would he marry someone else if he loves Kakyoin?- Joseph asked, as if it was obvious.
-Because that's what the invitation says?!- Caesar exclaimed, waving it in front of his eyes. -Did you read it or not?!-
-Give me that!- exclaimed his husband, taking the paper from his hands. -It clearly says Kujo Jotaro & Susanna here… No wait, it says Kujo Jotaro & Susanna… KUJO JOTARO & SUSANNA BANGLES?! WHO THE FUCK IS SUSANNA BANGLES?!-
Caesar sighed, and Suzie took the paper from her husband and reread it.
-ROSES GET ME THE PHONE!- she yelled.
oOo
In Europe, several hours later, Iggy was sleeping on Polnareff's hair while chewing on it. The sound of the phone next to the bedside table woke him up and when he saw that the human made no sign of moving, the dog settled down and farted in his face. He watched as Polnareff's nose twitched slightly and he began to count in his mind:
-5, 4, 3, 2, 1…-
-AGGGGHHH, IGGY!- Polnareff yelled, coughing and retching, sitting up in bed as Iggy jumped to the ground. -How many times have I told you not to do that!-
The phone kept ringing and Polnareff looked at it contemptuously next to the clock.
-Who the fuck calls at half-past four in the morning? Hello?-
-Jean-Pierre Polnareff, if anyone knows what the hell is going on, it's you.- said a threatening voice.
Iggy looked at the human and the phone curiously. Polnareff rubbed his eyes and tried to get his neurons to synapse. Fortunately, it didn't take much effort to recognize a friend's voice and accent, so he rewired his brain to speak English quickly.
-Noriaki? What's happening? Don't tell me that Mr. Joestar cheated on Mrs. Joestar and Mr. Zeppeli again, please, my spirit can't take another family drama.-
-Jotaro is getting married.- Kakyoin said.
"Get married, Kujo Jotaro? Yeah right, and I'm British." Polnareff thought.
-Are you pregnant or what? Aren't you too young to get married?-
-He is not going to marry me, you idiot!-
-You have not denied the pregnancy.-
-Jean, I'm not for your lame jokes now.-
-Instead of calling me at four in the morning, you should call him and ask him what the hell is up.- Polnareff said between yawns.
-He doesn't answer the phone.-
-Surely it's a misunderstanding, Noriaki. How did you find out he's getting married?-
-How is it going to be a misunderstanding if I got the invitation to the wedding? He's getting married to a certain Susanna Bangles, do you know her?-
-Invitation? Was it serious about the wedding?-
–WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M CALLING YOU AT THIS TIME? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR ATTENTION CAPACITY, JEAN! DO YOU KNOW A SUSANNA BANGLES OR NOT?-
Polnareff sat up in bed attentively. Why did that name ring a bell? Susanna, Susanna. God, it was too much effort for his sleepy brain. He needed a very strong coffee for this, why the hell hadn't Kakyoin waited for a more decent time to…?
And his head lit up.
Oh, holy shit.
Susanna Bangles, the college professor? The guilty college love that Jotaro always told him about because he didn't know what to do because he loved Kakyoin too? THAT SUSANNA BANGLES?! Was he going to marry her?! At what minute had this happened?!
-Jean! Do you know her or not?!-
-Y-No- Polnareff corrected himself in time.
-Jean Pierre…-
A chill ran down his spine. Who knew Kakyoin could sound so scary on the phone? Jotaro was a dead man.
Rest in peace, Kujo Jotaro, amen.
-I mean, I don't know her in person…- said the Frenchman.- But Jotaro told me about her, bu-but I didn't think it was anything serious, I thought that if one day that fool got married, it would be with you, if everyone knows that you… Hello? Hello? Iggy, he hung up on me!-
oOo
-Honey?- Kujo Sadao said, going out into the garden where his wife was struggling with the weeds. -Jotaro is dating his friend, the redhead, right?-
-We're not supposed to know anything, but yeah, why?- Holy Kujo replied, looking up from behind the mint. -Don't tell me they're going to make it official at last.-
-Not exactly- said her husband, with a gray envelope in his hand. -Unless the redhead's name is Susanna Bangles and they're getting married.-
-What?-
Holy straightened up, removed her gloves, and took the envelope from her husband. After reading it several times to make sure it wasn't a joke, she strode into the house, angrily exclaiming:
-NO AGAIN! God, the men in this family are going to drive me crazy!-
oOo
Back in the United States, specifically in California, in some other time zone, Kujo Jotaro woke up startled, as if he were going to receive an attack from a stand user. The morning light filtered through the curtain and hit him directly in the eyes. With a groan, he got up to go to the bathroom as Susanna's voice came from the kitchen. After urinating, washing his hands and face, he ran damp hands through his hair and looked at his exhausted face in the mirror. He left the bathroom and walked to where his now future wife was, who was talking animatedly on the phone. Seeing him, she gave him a short kiss on the cheek and gestured to a cup of steaming tea on the table.
Jotaro sat looking at the mess his apartment had become with the amount of boxes, magazines, fabric samples and typical wedding stuff. After taking a sip of her tea, he took the box of elegant invitations that had arrived a couple of days ago from the printing shop and began to play with it.
I couldn't stretch it any further. Today was the day. He would talk to his family to explain that he was getting married and then he would send them the invitations. He would talk to Noriaki in person when he traveled to Japan in a few weeks and explain…well, everything. He would probably hate him forever, but the redhead deserved to know the whole thing in person...
He opened the box.
What the hell, the box was…empty?
THE BOX WAS EMPTY.
He spits out some tea and desperately checked the box again, then the counter, and with his eyes the room, perhaps Susanna had moved them?
-Su.- he called in a panic. -Where are my invitations?-
She covered the phone with her hand and looked at it, tilting her head.
-I sent them about two days ago. You told me that they had to be sent soon because all your family and friends live scattered around the world, so I sent them for special service… what's wrong? You look pale.-
-Did you send them all?-
-Well of course.-
Jotaro felt his soul leaving his body, but he didn't have much time to despair because the apartment's interphone rang. Stunned, he went to answer it out of habit.
-Mr. Kujo?-
-Yes?-
-You have a million urgent calls in reception. They've been calling for quite some time saying their line sounds busy.-
Jotaro looked at Susanna and she shrugged.
-I'm talking to the musicians, darling.-
-Your grandmother, your grandfather, your other grandfather, a certain...Jean Pierre Polnareff called.- the receptionist continued. -The tailor shop, your cousin…-
-I don't have a cousin-
-Well, I don't know, that's what she said. She also told me her name, I don't know if I wrote it down correctly… Jigachi something, Tomoco or something like that.-
Even had Tomoko called him? Had the invitation already arrived? That meant it had also gotten to…
Oh no, Noriaki.
Oh shit. Oh shit.
Why the hell was the special mail service in San Francisco so fast just now?! It took weeks to bring you the Japanese foods I bought across town, but sending letters to the other side of the world took them two days?!
-She's not my cousin.- he was able to say, closing his eyes because he felt his head was going to explode. -Did someone named Kakyoin or my parents call? If my cousin called, one of them must have called too.-
-Let me check… No, just your parents. Oh, and the catering service, your attorney, Miss Jo Brown, and a certain "granny" Lisa Lisa who thought she was calling a pizzeria, but taking advantage of the fact that she had contacted your building, she wanted to talk to you.-
Jotaro could imagine what a mess his family would be in right now by the invitation. But they weren't a priority right now, he needed to talk to Noriaki. Urgently.
-To all those who have nothing to do with the wedding, tell them that I embarked and that I will not be back in three days, okay? Tell the others to keep calling the department. Please. We'll try to clear the line.-
-Okay. Oh, by the way, I called you because you have a visitor. I let him up because he said he was the MC for your party.-
-We haven't contracted…-
The doorbell of the apartment sounded almost singsong.
"Fuck it", Jotaro thought.
-Good morning, thanksbye- he said, hanging up.
He looked through the peephole in the door and saw nothing because someone covered it. Star Platinum poked his head out the door and saw a tall, burly man with a turban on his head looking at him seriously.
-Hello Jotaro, will you go out or will I have to get you out like when I got you out of jail?-
oOo
Kakyoin walked into the meeting room of the SWF Research Department with a blank face, even though he wanted to kill someone. The room included Bonnie Jo Cherilyn, director of SWF Tokyo (who preferred to be called just Cher), her direct boss, the head of Operations, and Hol Horse.
Wait, what was that idiot doing there?
He saluted politely before frowning at Hol Horse, who was looking at him amusedly.
-Ah, Kakyoin-san! I was telling Cher-sama about the progress of your investigation of DIO's cursed arrows.- said Akimoto, her boss, bowing to her to continue speaking.
-It is proven that they are made from the same meteorite that fell in Greenland almost twenty years ago, Cher-sama.- said the young man. -The arrows and the meteorite carry a virus that either kills the person or they survive by acquiring a stand. Excuse me, but may I know what this man is doing here?-
-Mr. Horse is helping us track down the arrows Enya sold to an unknown buyer.- Cher said in her trademark husky voice. -Our latest information is that some of them are in Italy, specifically in Naples, which is where a major criminal network is rising.-
-We'll send someone undercover, Hol Horse will accompany them.- said the boss. -We will need you to leave us copies of the report on the effects of the virus to be prepared.-
-Excellent, when are we leaving?- Kakyoin asked.
The others exchanged confused looks, especially the two women. Matsubara Miki, the head of operations looked at the young man with a critical look. Akimoto cleared her throat.
-Kakyoin, with all due respect, you are not a field agent. It could be dangerous.-
-No, but I want to go, buchō. I think I'm ready.-
-Is there any particular reason you want to go risk your ass in Italy and deal with mobsters, pretty boy?- Hol Horse asked with a sneer.
Kakyoin decided that this was not a good time to be a caveman and hit the blond fool, so he sighed in resignation and spoke superiorly.
-My knowledge of arrows and how they work far exceeds yours, my stand has more range and powers than The Emperor, plus I have more experience chasing down "bad guys" than you, who has only been running away, or am I wrong?-
-I don't need a babysitter.- Hol Horse looked at him unfriendly.
-Kakyoin, right?- Matsubara said, speaking for the first time. The young man nodded. -It's a dangerous mission and even if you have experience, I'm worried that, by your expression, you want to do it for the wrong reasons.-
-What would those be, ma'am?- Kakyoin asked, trying not to sound haughty to her.
-To run away from something.- replied Matsubara. -And plunge into work so as not to face it. And believe me, it is not a good motivation to…-
-My boyfriend, with whom I have a three-year long-distance relationship, sent me in the morning the invitation to his marriage with another person who will be in two months on the other side of the world and he never told me that he was dating another person.- Kakyoin said as if presenting the weather forecast. -I need to escape and sink into work, ma'am.-
Cher and Matsubara looked at each other, while Akimoto choked on his coffee and Hol Horse gaped at Kakyoin.
-You're leaving in two days.- Cher and Matsubara said at the same time.