My castle crumbled overnight. I brought a knife to a gunfight. They took the crown…but it's all right…

So. It finally happened. Dawn finally left that stupid server.

No. It wasn't stupid.

…Ok, maybe it was a little stupid. But ultimately, it ended because it was a bunch of broken people turning against each other, none of them knowing how to speak in peace because none of them knew peace. Everyone and no one was to blame. None of them used good communication skills, because none of them really knew how. The outcome was inevitable.

It would be a lie, though, to say that Dawn didn't feel a little stung, especially because it forced her to open her eyes to the truth of how few of them actually cared for her, and how few of them she cared for in return. She certainly wasn't a blameless victim in all of this. But, as cliché as it was to say, she'd come to realize that the lyrics from that song were just too true…

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing. Sometimes to run is the brave thing. Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing! And she'd known, in her soul, that it was time to go, even though it took her so long to finally go. That server had her past frozen behind glass, so now all Dawn had left was herself and her future…That didn't seem like such a bad deal after all.

At first, it felt strange to be gone. She could only ask herself, "Now what?" What to do with all that new free time, when that place that held her past two years was suddenly just gone? It was lonely at first, and she constantly wondered what she was missing. She hated that they'd taken the crown. But then she remembered that she had someone to run to…Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing!

"Hey, Penelope." Now Dawn was finally back on the right path.

"Hello!" Some things never changed, did they?

It was funny, in some ways, Dawn did feel changed. A fair bit had happened in the past two-ish years. In other ways, though, this only felt like 2016, Part Two. Even down to Penelope being the only person Dawn felt like she could relax around, even though Penelope had no idea how much she was helping Dawn just by existing, it felt like it was the first time, five and half years ago.

Nobody's heard from me for months…I'm doing better than I ever was…'Cause my best friend's fit like a daydream, walking with her head down, I'm the one she's walking to! My best friend's fly like a jet stream, high above the whole scene, loves me like I'm brand new!

Dawn didn't believe in invisible strings, but sometimes she wondered if maybe something was there anyway…What else would explain how or why she and Penelope became such close friends even though they actually had very little in common? What else would explain how or why, even now, all these years and changes later, it still felt the same with Penelope, and in such a wonderful, relieving way?

Sometimes, Dawn wondered and worried when Penelope was next. Surely this was too good to be true. She'd leave eventually…right? Whether it was next year or next decade, surely it would happen eventually. Everyone always left, just because that was how life worked. So how on earth had Penelope lasted this long already? Five and a half years…It was the longest Dawn had ever kept a friend, because it was the first time she ever felt so inclined. It was a wonderful feeling, yes, but she still couldn't wonder and worry when it would finally meet its own inevitable end. She could only hope it didn't end the way her original Discord server did…

All my flowers grew back as thorns. Windows boarded up after the storm. She built a fire just to keep me warm…Was Dawn talking about today, or five and a half years ago? She honestly couldn't tell. All the drama queens taking swings. All the jokers dressing up as kings. They fade to nothing when she comes on in. To the library, or to the VC? Dawn honestly couldn't tell.

The only thing she knew was that she was very prone to making the same mistakes at every turn. Did she never learn? Well, seeing as how it took her nearly a year to leave the server even after realizing that it was probably for the best if she left, the answer was no. And seeing as how she managed to land in another sticky situation, another depressive episode, after surviving a first five and a half years ago, the answer was no again. And even throughout the last two years on Discord, in smaller altercations, she'd made the same mistakes over and over again, burning bridges.

But, at least she did one thing right. Even if it was only one. This was when some of the magic of the invisible string, or whatever it was, made a second appearance. It wasn't just the magic of Dawn and Penelope somehow becoming, and staying, friends. It was that, somehow, Penelope always seemed to bring out the best in Dawn without even trying.

Dawn felt like a better person around her, and wanted to be better, too. The only one she wasn't nervous around…She didn't really consider herself a good advice-giver, or even an older sister figure, they were just two friends, two equals, but when Penelope revealed her own server troubles, Dawn was quick to try to help and console her as best she could.

"I know it's hard to leave big servers you've been such an integral part of for so long, so I won't tell you to just quit, but a wise woman once said that sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing, and you know, in your soul, when it's time to go."

But once all the serious chatter was over, they turned to fun and play. That was another beautiful thing about their relationship. Without even trying, they could just feel the balance and know when to talk about heavy stuff, but when to be light and silly. They knew when to sit with the sadness, then when to get up and try to cheer up.

Even better than lovers, we make forts under covers, I trust her like no other, yeah you know I did one thing right…Now, two starry blue eyes shine through my longest, coldest nights!

Ah, there it was again. For just a moment, Dawn paused. Was it the romance-saturated culture doing this to her? Why could she make no analogy other than to jokingly compare herself and Penelope to lovers? Not in the sexual sense, obviously, but their emotional closeness…Well, at this point, Dawn was sure that any attempt to describe her relationship with Penelope would make anyone assume it was romantic by nature, and any attempts to clarify would be met with further disbelief.

"Actually, we're just friends."

"Suuuure, just gals being pals, I getcha, wink wink, nudge nudge! No need to be closeted around me though!"

"But…I'm not closeted. It just so happens that the most important person in my life right now is someone whom I feel an intense platonic affection for. It's not my society has taught us that the only real, deep, true love has to have romance, hugs, kisses, and sex attached."

I think I'd wear her wear her initial on a chain 'round my neck, not because he owns me, but 'cause she really knows me, which is more than anyone else in the world can say.

Dawn recalled multiple points throughout the time she knew Penelope where she said something to the effect of, "You don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?" From the early years at the library when Dawn was still warming up to Penelope, to the discordant days of 2021, to finally leaving her old server, to listening to Penelope's own growing troubles, to now, Penelope was always the one Dawn went back to in the end.

Walking with my head down, she's the one I'm walking to…

And every time Dawn asked Penelope to run away with her and just forget the rest of the world, Penelope always said yes.

ooo

"It's a new year," Dawn murmured to herself. "A new 22…" It was a chance to start over and try to find happiness once again. As the days turned into weeks into months, Dawn's sense of self slowly came back to her. Now that walking out led her to the right thing, she felt ready to get back on track and come back stronger than a retro trend. She was doing better than she ever was. Then something occurred to her…

We can't see the last page, but I stay when you're lost, and we're scared, and I'm turning away. I want your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day.

A wise woman once said that the true friends in life were not the ones who were there for the New Year's party, the kisses and jello shots at midnight. True friends were the ones who stayed until the dull, weary morning light when all that remained of the party was the cleanup. Who was the one friend Dawn had that would stay with her after the party was over? More important than New Year's Eve was New Year's Day. That was the first and true test of the New Year.

You leave red hearts three times in the text of the VC. I can tell that it's going to be a long road. I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home…Dawn found herself comforting an anxious Penelope again. It almost felt like comforting a past version of herself, but slightly to the left.

In a way, Dawn's worst fears were realized. Penelope was starting to go through her own mental decline, and right at the same age Dawn was when shewent through her first mental decline. But, to Dawn's eternal relief and gratitude, she'd woken up just in time to be able to be strong enough for herself so that she could support Penelope, too.

"I'll stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes," Dawn promised, determined to keep it.

Roles were reversed that night in the voice chat, Dawn finally able to care for Penelope rather than always being the one to seek care from her. Even though Penelope was feeling down, Dawn was feeling up. She knew it would get better, and even if Penelope didn't, then Dawn would just help her through the night until she reached her own metaphorical New Year's Day.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you, she silently encouraged her companion. Look to the joys of the past to help carry you to the hopes of the future. It got better once, and it got better for me, so I believe that it can get better for you, too, and I'll do my best to help you through it. If you're too young to know it gets better, I'll be summer sun for you forever. Just please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…

Dawn couldn't read the last page because they weren't there yet. Even if they did eventually drift apart and Dawn lost the best, closest friend she ever had, she would still recognize and remember Penelope anywhere.

I hope that wherever our futures take us, life will lead you back to my door, oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful!

No matter what happened next, it would never erase the past, so Penelope would forever be immortalized in Dawn's memory, and her writing. The stories she told about her friend, and the stories she chronicled in her mind, were an everlasting monument. That was the true key to eternal life, Dawn would joke to herself, befriend a writer. Penelope would live on in her stories, no matter what happened next.

But, until that day came, Dawn decided to enjoy the time she had now. It was a far cry from how she used to think back in the library almost six years ago. Six years! The longest friendship she'd ever had…And the closest…How lucky she felt…What were the odds? She still didn't believe in the invisible string, but she did wonder how any of this was possible.

No, no more thinking or wondering, just enjoying. That was another thing that cropped up recently. To return to the early concern about how to properly display and explain her affection for Penelope, Dawn had come to realize that she was most likely asexual, and she was flirting with the idea that she might also be aromantic (ironic as that sounded, flirting with aromanticism).

Most people were supportive, but some were still overly concerned with labels. Granted, Dawn also loved labels because she loved being able to have words and terms for things. She loved having the language to be able to properly describe how she felt, but sometimes it was a bit much. "A lesbian in denial", that was definitely not true. "Queerplatonic", that seemed to be the most reasonable, but even though it was called "platonic", Dawn wondered why it had to be "queer" and why it couldn't just be platonic. What was wrong with normal platonic?

Well, nothing, of course, it just varied from person to person. And then to wonder, what was the actual term for someone who was still sort of into women despite being mostly asexual and maybe aromantic? Especially since, even though they weren't technically in a relationship, Dawn still felt a sort of loyalty to Penelope.

Dawn smiled and shook her head. Her mind, and the well-meant friends she had, could be such overthinkers and worrywarts. That had its virtues, but Dawn had finally decided on something much simpler. My love for Penelope by any other name would be just as sweet, so I'll let them call it what they want to, and I'll call it what I want to. I'll call it what it is: love.

AN: Aaaand this finishes the "Rep trilogy" of this anthology. In case you couldn't tell, this is how and why Rep's become my new top album. I still ADORE "Speak Now", but Rep's become very personal to me these past couple years, especially in relation to "Penelope", my Delicate-Call-It-What-You-Want friend. And as an easter egg to any Swiftie who might've caught it, that is also why the Rep fics were always posted on a day that ended in 5, Taylor's most vulnerable tracks on every album.

(CIWYW is honestly such a beautiful song, I still cry to it sometimes. It's like Delicate's "sister" IMO.)