Oh God, I struggled so hard with this chapter… But here it comes!

"He will be fine," she replied in a stifled voice, hoping more than anything that she was right.

Because if Elliot dies… I don't know what will happen to me.

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The first rays of the morning had already hit the tall buildings of New York, when Olivia woke up. She hadn't noticed that she had fallen asleep, as the last recollection she had was that Violet had fallen asleep on her lap again, and she had allowed herself to cry after Fin had left home. He had protested leaving them, so Olivia had practically had to force him to go home. He would have work in the morning, and he could do nothing for Elliot.

Sleeping on the chair hadn't particularly caressed her body, so she tried to stretch carefully and not to wake her sleeping daughter. She blinked, trying to find a nurse with her gaze, so she could ask if she could see Elliot again. However, she saw no one, and she glanced at the clock. There would still be an hour before Violet's psychologist appointment, and the girl would need some breakfast.

"Violet," she stroked the girl's cheek gently. "Wake up, sweetheart."

Violet curled tighter against her mother and groaned tiredly. But then her eyes suddenly opened rapidly.

"Is Dad alive?"

The doctor hadn't come to report any changes in Elliot's condition, so she nodded: "Yes, he is."

"Can I see him?"

Olivia looked at her daughter hesitantly, because she wasn't sure if it would be very wise to take the girl to the ICU. Elliot was very weak, and the hoses and wires would make the situation scary for the little girl.

"You know, honey…"

But the door to the waiting room opened, and a flock of older Stabler kids rushed in. Everyone looked more or less nervous when they noticed Olivia and their little sister.

"Liv!" Kathleen exclaimed and leaped towards them. Violet jumped down from her chair and rushed towards her to hug her sister.

"Hi, V," Kathleen wrapped her arms around the girl and then looked up at Olivia. Maureen, Richard, Lizzie and Eli looked at her waiting at the waiting room door. "Where's Dad?" Kathleen asked as she let go of Violet.

"Hi," Olivia smiled wearily. "Elliot is in the ICU, I don't know how much Fin told you, but he was shot while he was taking Violet to ballet class. He underwent surgery, which was successful, but he is very weak because he was seriously injured and…"

"Wait," Maureen suddenly frowned. "Was Violet with him?"

Olivia glanced at her daughter, who seemed embarrassed by everyone's gaze on her, and lowered her gaze to the ground.

"Yeah," she answered quietly, because she felt a lump rise in her throat. She didn't even want to think about how close it had been, that she would have lost them both in the worst-case scenario. Everyone in the room was silent for a moment, but then Kathleen's whisper broke the silence:

"Oh my God… Are you okay?"

"I don't want Dad to die," Violet's eyes filled with tears, and Kathleen pulled her back into her arms.

"It wasn't your fault," she said, and Olivia was grateful to the older girl. It was important that so many people as possible would tell her daughter that she was not guilty for Elliot's injury, so that the more certain she believed it. She felt tears well up in her own eyes as she looked at Violet and her older siblings, but then the waiting room door reopened, and she had to blink because she didn't believe her eyes.

"Hi, Kathy…" She greeted Elliot's ex-wife in amazement. After she and Elliot had told her about Violet, Kathy had treated them coolly for understandable reasons. If Violet hadn't been born as a result of the only night she and Elliot had spent together, Olivia would have classified that night as a mistake. However, because of her daughter, she could not regret anything, but was aware of it shouldn't have happened. Elliot and Kathy had been married at that time after all, and cheating was always cheating. From Kathy's point of view, the fact that it led to the birth of a child did not improve the situation either.

"Hi," Kathy looked embarrassed while looking around. "How... How is Elliot?"

"Not good," Olivia pursed her lips. She hadn't seen Kathy in a year, but she didn't seem to age at all. Her blond hair beautifully framed her face and blue eyes, and suddenly, like out of nowhere, Olivia involuntarily felt the sting of jealousy.

Kathy had always been a bit of a sensitive topic for her, especially since Eli was born. When Elliot had divorced her ex-wife for the first time, Olivia had felt that she and Elliot had gotten closer significantly at some level. She wasn't sure if she had fallen in love with her ex-partner unnoticed then or before that, but she had felt some kind of hope for a moment; hope that Elliot would notice her differently than before. But then Dani Beck happened, and not long after that he announced he was moving back home, it had hurt her more than she could have expected. She had felt that she had missed the only opportunity she had gotten. She had tried to move on, but something had changed. Her dating life had changed as committing to other people had become increasingly difficult. It was as if her heart had decided to belong to Elliot, whether she wanted it or not.

Kathy's gaze wandered to Violet, who looked at her a little hesitantly, and for a second something inexplicable flashed in Kathy's eyes. Although Olivia partially understood her, anger still flashed inside her. It was not Violet's fault that her mother was who she was, nor was it her fault that her father had made a desperate mistake. She had not asked to be born this way, and she did not deserve Kathy's cold treatment.

"Fin told me what happened, I'm…" She looked for her words. "I'm really sorry."

"Yeah… Me too."

The oppressive silence descended in the waiting room again, for no one really knew what to say. Olivia glanced at Kathy, who had clearly come to see Elliot, and she suddenly felt as if she had returned to the time years ago, when Kathy and Elliot were still married. Elliot had been the most important person in her life, her mainstay and anchor, but he had had a family. And in the end, she had always had to to watch from the sidelines.

"Morning," he took turns looking at everyone in the room. "You are all here because of Mr. Stabler?"

"Yeah, these are his older kids, Olivia waved her hand towards them. "And his… Ex-wife."

"Okay…" The doctor looked at her questioningly, but then lowered his gaze to his papers. "Mr. Stabler survived the night well, and his condition has remained the same. He hasn't woken up yet, but we can move him out of the ICU, and then you can go see him."

"Will he survive?" There was Kathy's worried voice that made Olivia purse her lips. Get it together, Benson, a voice inside her head scolded. Of course she cares about him even if they're not together anymore.

"I can't say for sure because anything can still happen," the doctor replied. "But I could estimate the probabilities are on the side of survival." Then he glanced at his watch and looked at them apologetically: "I'm sorry but I have to go. The nurse will let you know when you can go see him." Then he left the waiting room, leaving them to glance at each other.

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Olivia had taken the protesting Violet to the psychologist's appointment and was heading for Elliot's room. The nurse had come to announce that visiting him was now possible, but Olivia had first given the turn to the older children and Kathy, as she had to take care of her daughter first. Only with promising that Violet would get to see her father immediately after meeting the psychologist, she had managed to get the girl leaving to the appointment.

She knocked the door of the room, and stepped in. To her surprise, the kids had left the room, and only Kathy was sitting alone next to Elliot's bed.

"Oh, sorry," Olivia said, and was about to turn on her heels, but Kathy stopped her.

"No, you can stay. I was just leaving," she said. She turned to look at her ex-husband, and her expression was suddenly full of sadness. Olivia walked quietly to them and sat down on a chair next to Kathy.

"Listen, Kathy, I'm sorry. Elliot would have never…" She started, meaning that specific night, but her sentence was interrupted when Kathy raised her hand.

"I know, I know. You don't have to apologize anymore; you can't change the past."

"But…"

"I'm actually quite surprised it happened only once," she grimaced, and Olivia frowned.

"What do you mean? He was married and…"

"I mean," Kathy lifted her gaze to Olivia and bit her lip hesitantly. For a moment Olivia thought she wasn't going to continue her sentence, but then she took a deep breath and opened her mouth: "I mean, sometimes I actually feel sad for him. He… He looks so happy with you, like he's finally where he has always supposed to be. And sometimes I… Sometimes I wonder if I was the only block of his happiness."

"Kathy…" Olivia started, and Kathy turned her teary eyes back to Elliot. "You know that's not true. He loved you and the kids more than anything. You were his wife; I was only his partner."

"No, Olivia," Kathy's voice was suddenly firm. "You were not only his partner. You two were maybe able to deny it to yourselves, but everyone else around you saw it."

"Saw what?" Olivia asked, frowning, even though she could already guess the answer.

"He fell in love with you the day you two met," Kathy stated. "I saw it from him many years ago. And I can't blame him. Because what you two have is… Something I can't explain. Something primal. Something I never had with him. And…" The words seemed to get stuck in her throat as she turned her gaze back to Olivia and looked deep into her eyes. "And I'm happy for you. I really am."

Emotional tears welled up in Olivia's eyes as she held out her hand to squeeze Kathy's hand.

"Thank you," she whispered, and Kathy smiled at her a little sadly, but Olivia could see that she really meant her words. "That means a lot."

For a moment they watched Elliot sleeping quietly until Kathy said: "And Violet… Have you seen that girl? She's like a genetic lottery win."

Olivia looked at her in amazement, but then a laugh escaped her lips. "Well, thank you." But then she got serious. "She must have spent all her luck on it, given everything that has happened to her in a year."

"Yeah…" Kathy replied, and was silent for a moment before continuing: "And you know… I know it is not her fault that Elliot is her father. I just… She just painfully reminds me of what happened."

"I know, and I understand," Olivia answered. She didn't have words to say more, so she sighed deeply, and at the same time, Elliot sighed as well. Kathy grinned.

"See? You and him, always so in sync."

And Olivia couldn't stop the little smile from spreading across her face.