I had explained to Wyatt that we could talk after I got back, deciding that I had skipped training enough during the weekends and had hit a point where I needed to stop finding excuses to avoid what were supposed to be my priorities.

Still, he insisted on packing me a lunch, which I had to pretend wasn't embarrassing, and walked me off school grounds. I'm not sure what it was, but something within him had changed suddenly. I'm not sure if it was due to my own deep look into my disassociation, which I had told him was off limits to ask questions about for the time being, or if it was that he had noticed my attempts to be the kind of boyfriend he actually wanted me to be.

I wasn't sure if I was succeeding, but I was trying, and he seemed to understand that I wasn't in the type of place where I could handle the two main parts of my life coming together, meaning that I had not invited him along. Even my teammates clearly understood my current boundaries, avoiding bringing up rumors or questioning me.

That is except one.

"It's nice to finally see you back in the game." Rei had said casually, sitting next to me outside as I picked at the contents of a bento box. "You've seemed like you've had a lot on your plate lately."

He wasn't wrong, my game had been off for awhile and I was just starting to gain back my confidence, finally able to give everything I had in my training and focus only on my goals for the latest tournament instead of becoming lost in the labyrinth inside my own head.

"I've always been home schooled until this year." I shrugged, hoping he couldn't see through my excuses. "Being at a private school has taken some getting used to, I've never really needed to study or do work assignments before."

"I'm sure it's been an experience." He smirked at me slyly.

Why was he looking at me like that? Rei didn't even know how to turn on a computer let alone go on the internet, he was like a sixteen year old elderly man in that way, set in the old school ways of his village. I wasn't even sure if he even had indoor plumbing where he had grown up.

"What are you getting at?" I asked. I didn't like it when people spoke to me like I should be in on some sort of joke, especially when they looked at me as though I was the punchline.

"Nothing." He said, eyes now on the clouds above us. "You've grown up a lot in the past year is all. It's nice to see you not so closed off behind some wall you made for yourself. This time last year I'm not sure I had heard more than a dozen words out of you."

I didn't say anything, my cheeks now tinted a slight pink.

"I don't warm up to people easily." I said.

"Is that your way of admitting you like us?"

"You're my friends. I don't deny that."

"So would you say that school is to blame for your sudden improvement in socializing?" He asked. "Or is there more to it than that?"

I wasn't sure what he was hinting at. It was true that my social skills had improved, but at the end of the day I was still me. I was shy, awkward and didn't really understand people.

"Meaning?" I asked, putting away the rest of my lunch and wondering if he would lecture me if I lit a cigarette.

"Well you came over with a homemade lunch, you keep checking your phone, and according to Max and Tyson whenever you come here to train it's only ever for an hour or two before you sneak off somewhere."

"I'm on my own now. I need to learn how to take care of myself."

"You're already fully capable of taking care of yourself." He smirked, "I'm more curious about who else is taking care of you."

I glared at him.

"What, you think I suddenly need extra help?"

"Need is a strong word. It's okay to have someone special who cares for you, though."

I didn't look at him or speak, a lump now forming in the pit of my stomach, I knew I was blushing. Was that what this whole thing was? He was confronting me because he knew?

"My personal life isn't any of your business." I said, allowing my defensive barrier out to protect me somewhat harshly.

He didn't respond right away, instead just smiling.

"So there is someone?"

I was trapped. Saying there was no one would be lying about our relationship, and although I didn't talk about Wyatt I also tried hard to not allow myself to deny that he existed at all. That wouldn't be fair to him, and besides, I wasn't embarrassed by him. Shy, maybe… but not embarrassed.

"It's complicated… I mean, it's a private matter."

Why was I stuttering like this? Just say yes, there's someone in your life now. Rei was actually in a relationship, he should understand some of the things I'm feelings more than anyone.

"How did you meet?" He asked. He had found a loophole to get the answers that he wanted. Just pretend I had already answered yes to the original conversation and keep going from there.

I paused, debating whether I should leave him hanging by just avoiding the question or grunting. He would get the hint eventually.

"School..." I answered instead. I hadn't yet actually needed to come out to anyone, it was possible that Rei wouldn't be the exception. He might already know…

"I'm just saying, we won't bite if you open up a little bit more. I think we would all like to meet the girl who managed to melt your icy heart."

And there is was. After so many people saying to my face (a little too merrily if I do say so myself) that you could tell which team I played on, Rei was nevertheless dense about all answers that weren't black and white. Every other time someone found out about Wyatt they had come to me either in hate or in support, meaning I had never actually had to explain to anyone that he was a boy… and that I thought I might be falling in love with him…

"It's complicated..." I said quietly.

"How so?"

I could do this, Rei was my friend and if I just told him the truth he wouldn't think any differently of me. All I had to do was say those two words.

"Rei… I'm..." I paused. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. "Never mind." I sighed, putting the remainder of my things away and getting up. I was such a coward. "Can you tell everyone that I went home? I have some things that I need to do."

Standing up, I swung my rucksack over my shoulder while hoping this might end up being another moment that I forget.

"Yeah, that's fine." He smirked. "You might want to adjust your shirt collar, though. It'll hide the hickey better."

I blushed, cupping my hand to where Wyatt had been kissing my neck the night before, after I had calmed down. Rei was trying to stifle his giggles, clearly enjoying the obvious embarrassment on my face. I wanted to tell him to shut up, instead avoiding eye contact as best I could and trying to walk away without drawing any attention on myself. If anyone else had noticed the swollen blood vessels in my neck they hadn't said anything to me about it. That or they had assumed it was a part of the other injuries to my face, which I had brushed off as training injuries. Tyson had joked that I had probably fallen down a flight of stairs and was too proud to admit it, which wasn't completely inaccurate, as I had fallen before Haru had gone after me and I think that was what the cut on my forehead was from.

Leaving without bothering to wave him off one last time, I walked back to school in order to change into something more subtle before making my way back to where I would catch the next bus going downtown.

There were more than a few eyes on me when I walked inside, either from the bruise that filled the underside of my eye or the bruise that I was now trying to make sure was covered successfully that took up a small portion of my neck. I had also developed a habit of taking the stairway as my own personal way to say fuck the patriarchy, causing whispers around me that I had learned to ignore.

Stopping to unlock the door, I noticed the graffiti had been added to recently, a nice little doodle of a penis now taking place next to it. How mature.

I opened my door, grabbing a change of clothing before heading out toward the bus stop.

Hands shoved into the pockets of baggy black jeans, I hid under an oversize hoodie with my head down in shame. I had promised Wyatt I would attend a session with my shrink and I knew that he would figure it out if I lied about it.

I would probably get drunk and tell him…

Apparently that's what I do…

"It's nice to see you here, Kai." My psychiatrist smiled, gesturing for me to sit. "I had been hoping that you might eventually feel comfortable enough to talk."

"It's not like I had a choice." I said, rolling my eyes in annoyance. "I'm here to fulfill a promise, not because I wanted to."

"And what promise would that be?"

"I told Wyatt that I would come."

She nodded, clicking the pen that she held in her hand and writing something down.

"Do you resent him for that?"

"I understand it. I'm not the easiest person to figure out, I can see why he would be worried about me. He doesn't need to, though."

"He seems to care for you very much," She continued. "I can imagine it's helped ground you in some ways to have someone like him in your life."

I couldn't quite tell what she meant by that. Did she know that we were together or was she just happy to see me with friends who cared about me?

"I just want you to tell everyone that I'm alright and to get them off my back."

"Do you not believe that therapy works?"

"I believe that a bunch of rich assholes who's pockets are lined with the money being made off of the over-subscription of medications want me to think that it works."

"Interesting." She nodded, showing no more emotion than I currently did. "Well, if you wouldn't mind answering some questions for me so that I can check off a few boxes I can send you on your way if that's what you'd be most comfortable with."

"I don't have anything to hide." I shrugged.

"The last time we spoke you had taken to pills and alcohol in order to sleep at night. How are you currently sleeping?"

Fidgeting with my hands, I leaned forward in order to focus on the ground near my feet.

"I'm doing better." I lied. "Wyatt lets me crash with him if I'm having trouble."

"And the distancing from those around you, has there been a change in that at all?"

"I'm introverted, it's in my nature." I shouldn't be getting scolded due to my dislike of other people, there was nothing wrong with that part of me. "I have friends, though. We're there for each other."

"It must be nice having so many people who care about you. You're very lucky. What about your training and your teammates? Have you been working together again?"

"When I can. School is taking up more time than I expected it to and at the end of the day my priority should be in my studies, right? Besides, I don't need them around in order to train."

She wrote something down again, causing me to backtrack.

"Don't get me wrong, it's nice having them here. I like seeing them and being around them, they're my friends too."

"Completely understandable. You've been through a lot together." She paused. "It does interest me that you separate them from your friends at school when talking about them, is there a reason for that?"

"Friends is a relative term, I have Wyatt, but Avery and the others are more his friends than mine. If anything I'm probably closer to my team."

"You view Wyatt as your best friend, though?"

"I view him as my boyfriend."

I was hoping for that shock factor to put her in her place again, to call her out for knowing nothing about me. It didn't seem to work as she had absolutely no reaction to what I said.

"That must mean you have a lot of trust in him, then." She continued. "Would you say you trust the rest of your friends?"

"I've confided in Tyson about him, so he knows."

"About your relationship?"

"Yeah."

"What about the rest of your team?"

"I've never been one to discuss my private life. They know Wyatt is my friend, they've met him, I mean most of them have. Rei hasn't met him but he doesn't come to Japan very often."

"What about your father?"

I sulked slightly. I didn't want to talk about my father.

"He knows I have a boyfriend, but he's never met him. I don't want him to meet him."

"Are all of the people you've confided in accepting of your coming out?"

That stupid term was back. Why did I have to come out at all? What was it about my preference in men that suddenly meant the entire world was entitled to sit back and hear me shout to the heavens that said preference existed in the first place?

"They know I'm a guy and they know I'm in a relationship with one. I don't really go into any more explanation than that."

"That's perfectly acceptable. Are you currently taking any drugs or using alcohol?"

I was relieved that the topic changed.

"I'm not getting drunk like that anymore."

"Would you be willing to take a drug test?"

"I mean… I just started calming down with all that stuff. I'm not sure I would have a completely clean system yet. I do smoke pot sometimes but I don't overdo any of that, it's just relaxing. Tyson and Kenny have been trying to get me to quit smoking and I kind of agree with them. I think it would make me feel better to stop."

"What about the matter regarding your mother and sisters remains being found?"

"I'm still grieving..."

"Take all the time you'd like."

"Can I go now?" I asked in annoyance.

"Soon, I only have one more question. Have you been engaging in any other dangerous or destructive behavior such as self harm or unsafe diets?"

I pulled my knees into myself uncomfortably.

"All of my scars are from when I was a kid." I said. "They were done to me, I'm not responsible for any of them. The marks on my face are just from falling, my own fault really, I was running down the stairs."

"I see. And regarding your childhood scars, I assume your time in The Abbey is what you mean?"

"You already know I was abused, do you really need more details?"

"Not if you aren't comfortable talking about it."

She closed her notepad, looking over my shoulder at the clock and back to me smiling. Today had been awkward, but I had gotten through it. I could at least get Wyatt off my back temporarily.

"So that's it?" I asked. "I can leave?"

"You can. Would you like to make another appointment for next week?"

"A week isn't much time. I have a lot going on right now."

"Would once a month work?"

I nodded in agreement, she wasn't making me talk about the things I didn't want to and she wasn't trying to prescribe me anything.

It was a start.