Career Change

Death appeared before Bureaucracy in all of her terrible splendour. A cloak as red as blood billowed around her, and a scythe blacker than the dead of night rested upon her shoulder. Within her hood, twin pinpoints of silver light gleamed with all the radiance of every star in Creation.

"Weiss," Ruby whined. "I think I need a career change."

Weiss blinked and looked up from the application in front of her. Apparently, the dinosaurs on planet Earth had found out about the whole 'asteroid from space plan' and were lobbying hard to get an extension, moving their eventual extinction from the end of the Jurassic to the end of the Cretaceous. Assuming Weiss approved the move, they would undoubtedly file another application as the Cretaceous drew to a close.

Oh well. She didn't see the harm in approving the application and revisiting the issue again in a hundred million years or so. They must have managed to contact one of the other dimensions in which the dinosaurs had survived. Those velociraptor wizards of theirs were surprisingly good at dimensional magic.

"What do you mean a career change?" Weiss asked.

"I don't know if I want to be Death anymore," Ruby said. "Everybody is scared of me, and I have to keep reaping people's souls." She huffed. "I had to reap a puppy's soul today, Weiss. Do you know how bad it feels to explain to a puppy that, no, there won't be any more walks or belly rubs because they got hit by a car?"

Weiss sighed. "It must be awful, Ruby, but somebody has to be Death. Remember what happened when you went on holiday and we forgot to have someone fill in for you?"

Ruby huffed and nodded. "I guess that was pretty bad..."

It had been an absolute catastrophe. There were people wandering around without their heads, zombies wondering if their jobs as the go-to undead minions were safe, and that wasn't even touching on the whole 'people for whom death would have been a mercy' thing.

Yeah.

There was a reason the other gods had asked Ruby to create the Grim Reaper Corps. The GRC had done a wonderful job on the few holidays Ruby had taken since then, but the fact was that they simply couldn't replace her full-time. Ruby wasn't a god who handled death. She was Death. With a Capital D. In fact, that's what her subordinates called her, Capital D. Well, some of them wanted to call her Big D, but that just sounded weird.

"Look," Weiss said. "I can't approve any change of career for you, but how about expanding your career? You're certainly powerful enough to expand your portfolio. Look at Nora. She was originally goddess of storms and natural disasters, and only a few aeons ago, I approved her application to be made goddess of hammers too."

"I guess she didn't like it when someone asked her if she was the goddess of hammers because of how much she liked her hammer," Ruby said. "Although I get why she likes her hammer. It is a pretty great hammer. Perfect for smiting people." She patted her scythe. "But not as good as my scythe."

"So..." Weiss said. "If you were to expand your portfolio what were you thinking? I could make you the goddess of healers and apothecaries. They pray to you more than almost anyone else. Or how about the goddess of vultures? People associate them with you all the time."

Ruby made a face. "I was thinking of something a little bit different..."

"Oh?" Weiss leaned forward. "What did you have in mind?"

X X X

The baker clasped his hands together in prayer. Today, he was attempting to bake the ultimate cookie, a cookie so awesome he had only ever dreamed of it. If he succeeded, he would be the talk of bakers for centuries to come. He would go straight into the bakery hall of fame with other immortals like the woman who'd invented scones and the guy who'd invented sliced bread.

Yet as he prayed with all his might, he felt a change in the air. Yes! His prayers had been answered. The blessings of the god of bakers were upon him! True, he didn't know that there was a god of bakers, but the feeling inside his soul was too strong to be denied. Someone had heard his prayers.

He opened his eyes and then reeled back.

"Ah!" he screamed, raising his hands in a plea for mercy. "Please, don't reap my soul!"

Death stood before him in all her solemn glory. She gazed down at him with those inscrutable, indescribable eyes of hers and then took a step forward. "Why would I reap your soul?"

"Because you're Death!" the baker wailed. "That's what you do!"

"What? Oh." Death laughed. Her cloak and scythe vanished, and she was instead dressed in a simple set of clothes that included a hooded apron that somehow managed to conceal everything except for the fact that she had dark hair and silver eyes. "That's better."

"Huh?"

"Well," Death said. "I decided it was time to expand my horizons. As of this morning, I officially became the god of bakers too!"

"Right..." The baker blinked. "So... you're not here to take my soul?"

"Nope. I'm here to lend you my support as you make the most awesome cookies ever!"

The baker slowly got to his feet. "I see. In that case, I'd best get to work."

X X X

Author's Notes

Since the last one was so short, here's another to help tide you over until the next time.

Death!Ruby is always up for expanding her horizons, and what better way to do that than by becoming god of bakers too? Sure, it's not as prestigious a title as Death, but it does come with more cookies. Also, will the dinosaurs manage to get an extension at the end of the Cretaceous, or are they destined to be wiped out by an asteroid? Find out in the next thrilling episode of Bureaucracy: Weiss vs Dinosaurs!