Damned Illumi, was Killua's first waking thought. He had only been out for a matter of seconds, if Kurapika's frantic panicking was any indication. The final wall in his mind was gone, and in its wake Killua was left with a set of memories and emotions newly unlocked and ready to be experienced.

But still-

"Killua!" Kurapika squeaked. "Are you alright?!"

"Yeah," he groaned. "I'm just fine. Wha-what was it you asked?"

I can't remember what it was, I'm still too mentally disoriented after all of that-

"I asked you if you liked Gon, romantically not platonically," Kurapika answered with an inquisitive look in his tawny eyes.

That's what I thought he said but there's no way I can't this can't be happening-

"What? Me? Like Gon? Of course not!" Killua laughed hysterically. "I-I'm not gay!"

Kurapika furrowed his brow. "Then why are you crying?"

"Crying?"

Killua felt at the corners of his eyes, and sure enough. Tears.

"I'm not crying."

Kurapika reached over the table and placed a comforting hand on the Valkyrie's shoulder. "Killua, what's going on? Why did you pass out just now? You cried out in pain. What happened?" Killua stared into Kurapika's tawny eyes with a frantic look in his own sapphire ones. It felt like the anxiety over people discovering his species all over again, but so much worse.

Kurapika noticed this, and moved his hand from Killua's shoulder to his wrist. "Come on, let's go sit somewhere else." The blonde led the trembling (yes, trembling, Killua was trembling, what was with this mental strain? He wanted nothing more than to cry) Valkyrie over to the white leather couch. Clouds occasionally passed over the sun, and with the living area being right beside the window-wall, the area was dappled with stray patches of sunlight and shade. The two sat down on the couch, with Killua directly facing the fireplace and Kurapika angled in his direction. "What's all this about?" he asked.

Killua glanced over at Kurapika, his mind in a scrambling disarray. This was the side effect of removing any of Illumi's mental barriers and conditioning. Once previously concealed parts of his mind were unlocked, there was an incredible shock to his psyche. Now he could go back to perceiving the world as he once had, but the stark change in that perception resulted in disorientation and a bit of an identity crisis to go along with it.

"I…" Am I really doing this? Am I really opening up to Kurapika this way?

Tender, caring eyes prodded at Killua, communicating trust and friendly concern. He was pushing the silver haired mercenary to open up, because he knew that his friend was suffering and wanted to help.

I… trust Kurapika.

This revelation dawned upon Killua, and fell over him like a warm veil.

"I grew up on Kukuroo Mountain, as you know," Killua started. Kurapika listened in earnest, giving the other male his full attention. "As the crown prince and heir to the throne, my parents always had high expectations. I was a true prodigy, and they had - and still have - real high hopes for me. However, they would always tell me that I was 'soft.' They didn't like that. They told me that I needed to be 'harder' like Illumi and Milluki, my older brothers. But I've always been rebellious and full of mischief, and would never comply with their wishes. This gave them a certain anxiety over me… which made my mother turn into a crazy hag obsessed with making me the 'perfect little boy.' They were desperate to mold me into their vision of a perfect successor, and eventually Illumi found a way to do that. I was always put through conditioning and intense mental training my whole life, and Illumi found a way to make that even stronger. It's a special ability of his, and it's when he puts the conditioning directly into my brain in the form of a cage or wall. He'd lock up parts of my mind that he didn't like, and close them off so that I didn't have those traits anymore. If my mind ever strayed in their direction, I would be assaulted with pain. However, because I'd lost all memory of what those lost traits were, I had no idea where the pain came from." Killua paused and swallowed his spit. Exposition over. "I… what happened just now was one of those walls being removed. You see, they can be torn down by force with enough mental strain placed on them by me. That was the last wall… but it's been the hardest to take down. It's been bugging me for weeks now, but I've never been able to see what's beyond it and now that it's down I know what it is and I-"

"Killua," a reassuring voice said as a hand was placed on his shoulder. "It's alright, slow down."

The Valkyrie took a shuddering breath, and regained his composure. "I know what was beyond that wall… for so long thinking of Gon has made me run straight into that wall. I was determined to break it down, because Gon's my best friend and if there's a wall preventing me from thinking of him then I don't want it there. But what was behind that wall is- is- it can't, I can't… that's wrong!" Killua gritted his teeth and ordered the tears gathering in his eyes to stop right where they were.

"So what was behind the wall," Kurapika said softly, "Was that you like Gon? As more than a friend?"

Killua's face flushed, and he was assaulted with a combination of shame and a rebellious reaction to that shame. "Yeah… but not just that, my whole life I've always liked… men instead of women. That's what Illumi was removing from me… that's what was so wrong with me that he had to make this wall. It was the strongest wall of all of them, so strong that I wasn't able to break it down myself without you leading me to the correct thought to shatter it." Killua gritted his teeth, his face was on fire and shame was roiling through him. He twisted his tail tightly around his waist, using the pain both to punish himself as well as ground himself. "Isn't that… so very fucked up. I've never liked girls doting over me… and now with this wall gone I know why. What the hell… why am I so… wrong."

Kurapika suddenly gripped Killua's shoulders tightly, he forcefully turned the Valkyrie to face him fully. Kurapika's eyes were intense, and burning with emotion. He was frowning at Killua, and clearly ready for a fight. "Killua. Do you truly think that you are wrong for feeling attraction to men instead of women?"

Killua choked on a sob, his mind screaming at him that it was wrong… but in Silva's voice. Flashes of that night, of being beaten to a bloody pulp as his father raged at him about how fucked in the head he pulsed through his mind like a steady heartbeat. "I- I, yes."

Kurapika glared at him. "There is nothing wrong with being gay. Killua, nothing is wrong with you.

"How can you say that? This isn't how guys are supposed to be! I'm supposed to like women, not men! That's just how it works!"

"Why do you think that?" Kurapika said, his words burning with fury. Fury not directed at Killua, but at whoever had made him think this way. "Based on what you just told me and the fact that I know you, you've never listened to your parents about anything before. So why are you listening to them now?"

That was so painfully straight forward-

"Because this is just wrong!" Killua yelled, trying to squirm out of Kurapika's grip but failing. "Yes, it's wrong. You are wrong. You are broken, we can't have that, can we Kill?" Kikyo's voice reverberated through Killua's mind. I- they've always destroyed my true personality, and it's always made me so incredibly angry. I've broken down each of these walls with fervor in my heart. I want to ignore they're opinions of me on this subject, but I just can't get that night out of my head. Father beat into me that this is wrong, and for the death of me I can't get past that. And I hate that I can't get past it and that's why I'm crying.

"You don't really think that," Kurapika said. He stated it as if it was fact, and it was. Killua snapped his gaze to Kurapika's. Those intense eyes borrowed into his own, and spiraling threads of scarlet laced their way through Kurapika's twany depths.

Killua swallowed, his mouth painfully dry. "No, I don't think that, not really, but I can't get them out of my head! This isn't- this just isn't how people are supposed to be!"

Kurapika sighed, not letting go of Killua's shoulders. "Killua, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' for how people are supposed to be. Especially not for who you love and who you choose as your partner. Your parents made you believe that you are wrong for being homosexual, and that is one of the most evil deeds a person could ever commit. Let me assure you that you are not the only man who feels attraction towards other men. There are all kinds of people out there in the world who are just like you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If it really were an evil occurrence, and something unnatural and not meant to happen, then the Gods would not have made it so."

"I'm not religious," Killua choked out.

Kurapika glared at him sternly. "That is irrelevant. It doesn't matter if you are religious or not, people are people and that is all that matters. Are Elves wrong for being Elves instead of Valkyries?"

"No, that's just who they are-"

"-Exactly. If there's anything we've learned in this fantastical world of unique species and dazzling cultures, it's that the traits of a person's appearance do not matter. The only truth about the human condition is that people are different, and that is just a fact. If a humanoid is a hybrid, then that is just who they are and there is nothing wrong with that. If a humanoid is missing sight or hearing then that is who they are and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't matter what gender a humanoid is drawn towards, because that is who they are and there is nothing wrong with that. Do you understand me, Killua? Racism is wrong, that much you know and clearly agree with. You stand up against those who would shame Gon for his blood on a daily basis. Do you know what it is called when people refuse to accept that a humanoid is attracted to someone of the same gender? That person is homophobic, and that is wrong. Discrimination is discrimination, and when it comes down to it, it is no one's business who you are or where your interests lie, you are a person, and there is no right or wrong way to who you are."

Killua blinked at Kurapika, the tears evaporating. "That was, quite the speech."

Kurapika slapped Killua upside the head. "You little jerk, what do you say to me now?"

"You're right," Killua said. "There is nothing wrong with being gay. I know that my parents are cruel and evil, and I do not listen to them about anything, especially not this." Now that I think of it… it's just like you said, Alluka. Gender doesn't matter. You are who you are, and I am who I am… Wow, there you go freeing me from mom and dad even now.

Kurapika smiled at the Valkyrie, a far cry from how he had just slapped the other. "Good. You've always been assertive of your personality, you have an incredible self confidence. You don't come across the type to shame yourself for your sexuality."

Killua hid his eyes behind his bangs. "Uh, thanks Kurapika. For talking me through the wall breaking down. You helped me get my mind back."

The blonde hummed and patted Killua's shoulder. "Of course. Now, I know that coming out both to yourself and to others is a difficult feat. I'll have you know that I am also gay."

Killua snapped his head up so fast he almost broke his neck. "What?! Really?!"

Kurapika chuckled, "Yes. So you see, you are not alone."

"Uh, wow. Thanks for telling me… it's hard to explain but for some reason I feel so relieved right now."

"I understand, it is one of the greatest feelings in the world to find a queer companion." With one final pat to Killua's shoulders, he released the silver haired boy from his hold and relaxed back into the couch. "Now then, you like Gon?"

Killua gasped, and his face flushed like a bitch. "What! No! Of course not, no where did you get that idea!"

Kurapika chuckled again, "You just told me."

"Oh… that's right."

"Well, I apologize for asking such a personal question," the Elf said. "I just had a feeling that you liked Gon, and wanted to confirm my suspicions."

Killua glared over at the blonde, hating how awkward this conversation was.

I can't believe that all these wacky feelings have been me liking Gon-

"How did you… know?" Killua asked, dreading the answer.

The Elf gave a smile that could be called mischievous. "I've always had a knack for these things. My whole life I've been able to read people, and I can't help but notice when people around me start to fall for each other."

Killua glared at his friend. "Why'd you have to word it like that? I'm not 'falling for' anyone! And what are you, some sort of teen girl who gets a kick out of her friends hooking up?"

Kurapika laughed out loud, "I will admit that I am a romantic… So, when did your feelings for Gon develop from friendship into something more?"

"Stop it! I don't like Gon- no, I refuse to accept this!"

The blonde gave Killua a knowing look. "Embarrassed, are we?"

Killua growled, face flaming. "Shut up, jackass. It's just… weird to think about. This whole time I've been feeling strangely, and every time I've run straight into the wall and not known what it was that I was feeling. Now I know what that feeling was, but I haven't actually experienced it for real, if that makes sense. Apparently I like Gon… but I've never actively had those feelings cause of the wall… I really hope that I don't like him that way because that would make my life so much harder…"

Kurapika nodded. "That makes sense. I'm sure it will be a shocking experience, suddenly having all of your feelings of attraction suddenly available for your perception. Such a cruel thing to do to a child… Now that I'm thinking of it, you traversed all of your preteens without ever coming down with a crush on anyone at all. You skipped the gender-crisis phase of your life. Based on how Illumi's ability seems to work, you have always had these thoughts, but were just unaware of them. A gay awakening if I've ever heard of one," he finished with a chuckle.

Killua fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, all of Kurapika's speculations hitting far too close to home. All of a sudden memories from every corner of his life held new meaning. He remembered Skylar… and all of the strange feelings he'd felt around Gon suddenly had a label. But still… "Kurapika. What's it… like being gay? How's it work?"

Kurapika turned serious once again, and he glanced upwards to the ceiling in thought. "Hm. How do I explain this… I'm sure you know what romantic feelings are?"

"Yeah," Killua mumbled, embarrassed as ever.

"And you do know what sex is, right?"

Killua choked on air, "Wha- yes! Yes I know what, damn it! Of course I know that!"

Kurapika gave a spout of laughter, "Just making sure! I needed to check and see if we needed to have a talk."

"Shut. up."

"Well then. Holding gay feelings towards a man is just like how someone would be attracted to a woman. It's all the same. I'm sure you've read romance novels at least once in your life?"

Killua glared. "Yes." I have Palm to blame for that…

"Well the easiest way to describe it is that you just find other men attractive. Both a physical and emotional attraction."

"How do you… er, what is the attraction?"

"You find them beautiful or handsome. Their personality draws your interest. You're a teenage boy, I'm sure you know what I mean."

Killua glared at the blonde for the hundredth time.

"So, to give an example, what is it that you find attractive about Gon?"

Killua choked on his own spit. "I- I can't think about that! It makes me all weird!"

Kurapika grinned like a cat before a plate of cream. "So you are embarrassed! I must say, this is incredibly adorable. The two of you would look so good together!"

"Stop shipping your friends! What are you, my mother?"

"Your mother?" Kurapika asked, a mixture of confusion and amusement on his face.

"It's like some middle aged lady setting up her four year old with the girl he plays with down the street."

Kurapika scoffed, "What? It's nothing like that!"

"It is too, and you know it," Killua declared.

The blonde shook his head in exasperation and checked the time. "Goodness! It's already 1:24! We need to hurry downstairs if we want good seats."

Killua smirked. "'Goodness?' You really are a middle aged lady, aren't you?"

"I'm nothing of the sort, now hurry and put on your shoes so we can make it on time."

"Yes, mother," Killua quipped.

Kurapika gave the Valkyrie a glance of exasperation.