Chapter 5: One Bad Night
Severus I
Saturday, 12 June 1976
O.W.L.s were a blur. Potions, Care for Magical Creatures, Astronomy, History of Magic. Severus was in no mental state to take any of the exams or do any of the practicals, but Professor Snape's voice guided him step-by-step, writing his essays for him, dictating each practical. But fortunately, the professor didn't expect the boy to do anything other than the bare minimum, for they both knew what was wrong.
Sunday night had been a mistake.
Three days' worth of not just memories, but also emotions, had fried Severus's mind. If not for Muffliato, he suspected everyone in the girls' dormitory would have heard his screams. He had spent the entire night awake, fully conscious, while the grief of his alternate life permeated through his soul and skin, aching into his bones, strangling his throat, weighing down on his lungs.
The only reason Severus had remained sane was due to his Occlumency; he and Professor Snape had created visual representations of their collective mental protections. Due to their shared mindset, Severus had built his protections to resemble a labyrinth made of mirrors and obscured by smoke and mist, with various dead-ends and non-sequiting memories knitted together. However, there were also hidden passageways beneath the labyrinth that revealed the true flow of the memories, which helped him remember the truth and separate it from the fiction he had authored.
But the introduction of these new memories had created a problem. The tunnels beneath were now splitting and twisting, leading Severus down paths that contradicted the paths he had built. When the tunnels had forked, they somehow led to the same place, but also not the same place at the same time. It was something he couldn't comprehend, not until Professor Snape had given him an idea; built a labyrinth beneath the tunnels. Separate his alternate life from his current one, with the 4th of June acting as the fork in the road. They had spent the entire night, despite being awake, fabricating the tunnels and structuring the alternate labyrinth beneath.
Now, on account of O.W.L.s being over, and Severus having some time to himself to reflect, he decided Sundays weren't ideal for this task. Saturdays would be better, as it would give him Sundays to rest and recuperate. But there were still a few… issues….
There is a difference between three days of self-pity and a full week of O.W.L.s and post-O.W.L.s planning.
We don't have much of a choice, do we? Now that we have a strategy to deal with whatever I go through, we should have an easier time.
I believe you ignored the fact that this time, you will experience memories twice as long with exponentially more stimulus.
We have all summer long to-
All summer long to fill your head with twenty-two years worth of memories? You'll go mad! We'll go mad! We can't save Lily if you lose your mind!
We can't save Lily if I'm not prepared!
Then perhaps you should understand the gravity of the situation. You are not prepared for these memories, let alone saving Lily's life. We will need at least one full year-
You said, you told me, that she isn't safe. That she could be targeted at any point in time due to how we've altered things. I refuse to risk losing her because I wasn't equipped for it.
So you would risk your sanity for her?
I'll risk everything for her.
You're useless, mad or dead. We will do this my way, and you'll have no say in it.
Severus had finished dressing, and he inspected his eyes in the mirror. They had only just recovered from being bloodshot, and the black circles around his eyes were still noticeable. He was noticeably paler, but it was nothing to worry about.
You need rest.
The Dark Lord isn't resting. And if that's anything to go by, neither can we.
Professor Snape was silent, and Severus took the chance to continue.
You spent your whole life regretting what you did. Would you rather risk that again because you're afraid?
Afraid? I'm not afraid-
Then why try to avoid-
I'm not an idiotic Gryffindor! I don't believe in such a risk for the possibility of success!
And I'm not you! I won't wait until it's too late to do anything! That's how you killed her!
Professor Snape didn't respond, at least not for a while. … if you knew what is was like-
Show me, then. Show me what led up to it! Make me feel what you felt when we lost her! And maybe I'll understand.
You can't-
I need to. We need to. You know why we need to do this.
… very well. But only once the summer holiday starts.
Fine. Severus left the bathroom and made his way out of the common room to go to breakfast. As he walked through the corridors, he considered what Professor Snape was warning him about. Assuming the worst case would happen, it would require more extensive Occlumency and a significant amount of preparations to his mental labyrinth.
Severus arrived in the Great Hall to find that Dumbledore and Professor Slughorn were approaching the head table, sitting down at their places as they continued their conversation. Dumbledore was uncharacteristically early, while Slughorn was uncharacteristically late. In addition, it seemed almost no one else was present… except for Lily, Marlene McKinnon, and Mary MacDonald.
McKinnon gave Severus a dirty look, mouthing "Snivellus" to MacDonald. MacDonald, facing away from Severus, froze in place and didn't look over. Unfortunately, Lily did. Severus and Lily made eye contact, and the look she gave him caused something in his stomach to weigh down; even without using Legilimency, he knew she was angry. Not the passionate anger that he was used to when they would argue, no; this was a cold, resigned, disappointed anger. Like someone who regretted being right.
Severus was the first to break eye contact, and he sat down to quickly eat some eggs and sausage, this time grabbing some spinach. He quickly cleaned his plate, in record time, and he stood and briskly walked out of the Great Hall. As he walked farther down the corridor, something felt off. It reminded him of the time Potter's gang had been close, or when he had predicted MacDonald coming into the Owlery. He had no explanation for why he was feeling what he felt, other than the possibility that his connection to Professor Snape had altered him somehow. Maybe-
The feeling grew uncomfortably strong, and Severus quickly leapt into the nearest alcove, Disillusioning and Muffling himself. As he did, he heard familiar voices.
"It's one thing to go a few days without running into Snivellus," Black said. "It's another thing entirely to go a full week. Greasy git's hiding from us."
"Take out the map, Moony," Potter demanded.
"I'm not taking part in this-"
"Then give it to us," Black said. "If you're not gonna help us, you're not one of us."
Severus heard Remus sigh as the four boys stopped right in front of his hiding place. Remus cleared his throat and took out a blank parchment, pointing his wand to it as he said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Suddenly, the parchment began to bleed into some sort of map. Severus had never seen anything like it before. He watched as Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew's names appeared on the map… next to his own.
Potter and Black spun quickly in Severus's direction, but Severus had time and concealment on his side. Before they could draw their wands, Severus slipped past them and began sprinting down the corridor.
Flipendo.
Severus didn't hear the incantation, but the idea of the Knockback Jinx entered into his mind. He wasn't sure why-
"Flipendo!" Potter shouted.
Severus was suddenly knocked off his feet, sliding down the corridor as his Disillusionment and Muffled state wore off. Wand in hand, he quickly jumped back up and turned to face the four boys.
Petrificus Totalus.
Severus wasn't about to ignore that instinct twice.
"Petrificus Totalus!"
"Protego!"
Severus blocked the incoming curse, but he failed to stop Black from tripping him. He fell on his back, hitting his head against the stone. Stunned by the impact, he was helplessly lifted by Levicorpus, once again.
"Stop it, James!"
"Stay out of this, Moony!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Potter?!"
Everyone froze in place as Lily appeared. Potter looked casually at her as he said, "Feels like deja vu, eh Evans?" Severus couldn't see his face, but he sounded like he was smiling.
"We thought you were done with Snivvy," Pettigrew remarked.
"I'm a Prefect, you brown-nosing bootlicker," Lily retorted.
Pettigrew shrunk back, stepping behind Remus.
"Lupin," Lily said, turning her attention to him. "Do something, or I will."
Severus heard Lupin sigh, and the werewolf said, "James, let him go."
"You're joking!"
"Let him go."
"Bloody- fine!" Potter performed the counter-curse.
Severus barely had time to cushion his fall, and he rolled onto the ground, still dazed, as he used the wall for support. He watched as Potter, Black, and Pettigrew walked into the Great Hall, with Lily deducting 20 points each. Using this opportunity, Severus tried to sneak off.
"Snape." Lily's voice was resounding and firm.
Severus froze.
"Come here."
Severus turned and reluctantly approached Lily. He remained silent.
"Fifty points from Slytherin for being out of bed after hours on Saturday."
"Fine," Severus replied. He barely had the energy to respond to Lily's punishment. Of course he was being punished for waiting up.
It is partially her fault.
I'm aware of how blame works, Professor. But I'm not about to turn this into a shouting match.
"Fine?" Lily looked irritated.
"Yeah…. Can I go? I want to prepare my things for the summer."
"I heard you were staying at Hogwarts for the summer."
Severus froze in place, and Lupin seemed equally surprised. "... I see," Severus replied.
"Let me guess: 'personal reasons', right?"
"Right." Less words are better.
"So why are you preparing your things?"
Severus didn't know how to respond.
Just tell the truth.
"... I just said that as an excuse to leave this conversation."
"Oh?" Lily had raised her eyebrow in proper Lily fashion, and she had crossed her arms in proper Lily form. Severus was uncomfortable with how beautiful she was when she was angry. "So… I guess that means you don't want to speak with me?"
"Yeah."
Lily was silent for a moment. "Fine. Go on."
Severus quickly turned and left. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
You keep pushing her away.
I know- wait, you told me-
To tell the truth, not be an insufferable weakling.
We don't have time for this. We need to prepare.
And what good is any of this if she hates you like before?
She already hates me; nothing lost.
She'll hate you more.
Severus didn't respond.
Calm yourself. Control your emotions. You'll get nowhere if you don't.
Fine. Severus felt bitter. Fine, I will.
Lily I
"So… I guess that means you don't want to talk with me?"
"Yeah." Snape's expression was completely absent of emotion.
Lily was struggling to stay calm and collected. He was the one who wanted to speak with her, and now he didn't want to? "Fine. Go on."
Snape quickly turned tail and walked away.
Lily refocused her irritation on Remus. "Tell me: how hard is it to stop your friends from targeting people?"
"Look-"
"No," Lily said. "James and Sirius need to grow up. And you told me you were going to take your job seriously."
"It's not easy-"
"Don't give me that. Remus, I need you to take control of the situation. You can't wait for me to show up."
Remus put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet in defeat. He then returned his eyes to her, and he said, "I can't argue with what you're saying. You're right."
"So I've been told," Lily replied.
"This… it's not easy- let me finish. It's not easy, breaking my habits. Going against what I've grown accustomed to. But I am trying."
"I know." Lily reached out and squeezed his arm. "Today, you did a good job. But you need to learn to do it alone. I need to know I can rely on you."
"I promise," Remus said, nodding decisively. "... that being said, thank you for showing up."
"Of course. Now, let's go and eat. And while we're at it, I'll be chewing James and Sirius out."
Lily and Remus joined the Gryffindor table, and Lily proceeded to, as promised, chew Potter and Black out. She didn't even bother with Pettigrew, as she knew he was already terrified enough. Black looked at her with a dismissive scowl, while Potter retained his infuriatingly smug attitude, even messing up his hair as she focused her anger into every word she spoke.
By the time she was red-faced, Potter and Black looked at each other, shrugged, and left the table, with Pettigrew in tow.
"You need to give up," Marlene said. "They're incorrigible."
"Coming from you, that doesn't mean much," Lily shot back. "How can you support what they're doing?!"
"I don't," Marlene replied coolly. "Unless it's a future Death Eater."
"I didn't realize you were a Seer," Lily retorted sarcastically. "Tell me, what do you see happening to me in the future?"
Marlene cleared her throat theatrically as she began: "You and James will become the Prince and Princess of-"
Bloody hell, Marlene. Lily listened as Marlene animatedly went into excruciating detail of how they would be the Prince and Princess of Gryffindor, with gallant Prince James turning a new leaf to woo the heart of the fair Princess Lily. They would then become both Head Boy and Girl and King and Queen, and they would begin courting each other, with King James proposing marriage before graduation. Lily felt ill thinking about the possibility of ever dating someone like Potter, regardless of his charm, athleticism, intellect, affluency….
"Lily." Remus nudged Lily, jolting her back into reality.
"Sorry," Lily said, recovering. "Marley almost put me to sleep."
"Har-har." Marlene shook her head. "You have to admit, James is better than bloody Snivellus."
"In what way, exactly?" Lily asked.
"Last I checked, bestiality was illegal," Marlene retorted.
"And yet you don't have a problem with trying to woo Sirius," Mary interjected.
Marlene's face reddened as Remus began howling with laughter. Lily and Mary jumped at the outburst, with Marlene glaring at the incapacitated prefect.
"She- Sirius- oh my God…. I needed that!" Remus was gasping for air, tears streaming down his pale face. He cleared his throat and said to Marlene, "Mary's right; Sirius is an absolute dog!" He stifled another laugh.
"Don't you have a buffet to gorge on?"
"Right, you're right." Remus didn't even bother with his plate; he simply lifted the entire serving plate of sausages and set them down in front of him.
"... I feel sorry for your toilet," Marlene commented.
"Oh, I'm fine," Remus replied. "I'll walk it off."
"Walk it- that's an entire pig going into your fat gut!"
"I'll have you know, my gut is as flat as Snape's new personality."
That got a giggle out of Lily, but she quickly stopped herself.
"Speaking of which," Marlene asked, "did you finally get him for the Owlery nonsense?"
"Fifty points."
"Good. That'll teach him not to chase after my Mary." Marlene wrapped her arm around the younger girl.
Mary said, "Well… actually, he didn't do anything."
Marlene unwrapped her arm. "No need to defend that greasy git."
"I'm not," Mary replied. "He was just sitting up there. He kinda looked sad."
Lily felt her heart sink into her stomach.
"I'd be sad too, if I was him." Marlene grabbed a sausage off of Remus's platter and bit into it. "If I was born as him, I wouldn't blame my parents for leaving me on someone's doorstep… or maybe in the woods for a werewolf to eat."
Everyone at the table jumped as Remus stood from his seat and left the table, the platter untouched.
Mary looked at Lily, and she said, "I don't think I've seen Remus get upset like that. Is something wrong with him?"
Lily shook her head. "I'm not sure, but he doesn't look well. I'll give him some space."
"Nah," Marlene said. "I'm going after him."
Remus I
Remus was bloody fuming. He barely had enough control to leave the table when he did, or he would've said worse. He had come this close to exposing himself as a… a monster. And he didn't need Marlene's comment, not right now. He had enough on his plate, especially considering tonight was the night.
"Lupin!" Marlene seemed to be following him, the bloody girl.
Remus let out a deep breath as he continued on his way.
"Lupin, wait! Remus!"
Reluctantly, Remus slowed down and faced the girl.
Marlene slowed to a halt. "Look, I don't know what I said-"
"You know exactly what you said," Remus spat back. "And it's bloody awful."
"Fine," Marlene replied. "I… I'll stop talking about Sniv-Snape if you want, so-"
"Snape?" Remus could feel the veins in his forehead throbbing. "You think this is about Snape? Marlene, it's not about who you were insulting; it's joking about anyone deserving infanticide for existing. Especially at the hands of…." He trailed off.
Marlene avoided eye contact, instead staring blankly at Remus's chest. "I'm… I'm sorry, alright?"
"Do you mean it?"
"Of course, I do!"
"You're not just saying it because I'm upset?"
"I…."
"I knew it." Remus let out a sigh and rubbed his face with his hand. "Why can't anyone in this bloody school have a modicum of empathy?"
Marlene was quiet. "Shouldn't it count that I'm worried about you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Remus… are you alright?"
Remus didn't know how to respond.
"One minute, you're crying your eyes out from laughter, and the next, you're storming off from a joke-"
"Harming children is a joke to you?!"
"Not a joke, then. Remus, you don't look well."
"I'm fine," Remus lied flatly. He didn't like where this conversation was going. If she even came close to suspecting….
"Don't shut us out," Marlene said. She reached up and gently rested her hand on Remus's arm.
Remus softened a bit, and he began to let go of his anger. "Look… you and Lily and Mary. You're my escape from James and Sirius. I just… I want a break from their nonsense. And when you make jokes in the same poor taste as they do, I feel trapped."
Marlene squeezed Remus's arm as she said, "I didn't know."
"I haven't told anyone about it. I'm wrong to take it out on you-"
"Then don't hold it in," Marlene said quickly. "If you need a break from them, as you say, you always have us. Alright?"
Remus nodded. "I… I won't explode like that again."
"No," Marlene said. "Don't hold yourself back. It's good to let things out. Otherwise, it'll ruin you. Don't do this alone."
"Alright…. Okay, I'll… I'll do that."
"Good." Marlene smiled. She tugged his arm. "Come on. You've got a pig with your name on it."
"You can have one sausage."
"I've already had one."
"You can have one additional sausage."
Severus II
We will need to align the labyrinths, using this week's O.W.L.s as anchoring points. Those periods of time had the least number of deviations.
Right, and I assume the forking tunnels should match as well?
Obviously.
Severus visualized the labyrinth, with Professor Snape's assistance. The O.W.L.s were the easiest portion to deal with; they weren't identical for obvious reasons, but they were identical enough. He was grateful that the professor was using shadows of his memories to help with the basic shaping process, as he couldn't possibly imagine doing it from scratch.
Is this really something worth Occluding?
No, but it serves as a test, to help you hone your Occlumency for when the time comes. You will find that even something seemingly insignificant may serve as a gateway into the mind. It is your task to make everything fit together in your image.
Can I ask you something?
I'm not in a position to avoid the question, so yes.
Do you think I can do this?
Occluding? No, you've never done it before in your life, especially not in the last few days.
I mean… the memories. Do you think I can handle them?
Cold feet?
No… I'm not afraid of the process…. I'm afraid of the end result.
Fear will kill your Occlumency. Empty yourself of it.
It keeps coming back.
Then bottle it up. Put a stopper in it.
Severus paused. A flask…. He thought about one of the private labs in the dungeon, the way the tables and ingredients were set out. It appeared before him, albeit bare of any tools.
I see…. Not exactly what I had in mind, but I suppose this might work.
Severus focused more, this time allowing a large flask to appear on the table. He watched as it began rapidly filling with a green liquid. It'll overflow!
Think like a wizard, Mr. Snape.
Severus paused…. How would a wizard deal with an overflowing flask…? Ah. Right.
Yes?
Extension Charm.
Ten points to Slytherin.
But I don't know how to perform a-
This is your mind. Our mind. An Extension Charm will work here as long as you believe it will.
Severus focused. The Mind Arts were about the strength of one's will, the clarity of one's mind. He visualized the flask, imagining it to defy its internal dimensions….
The green liquid halted, and then began receding to a certain point.
Good. You're learning quickly.
Severus inspected the flask, before looking at the empty space in the middle of the table. A cauldron appeared before him, as he wished, and he looked down into it. If he had done it correctly… yes, he could see the labyrinths deep, deep down, beneath the water. His mind was now a potions lab, his own element. This will do nicely.
Storing the memories and emotions separately…. Good.
Severus watched as three other flasks appeared. Two of the flasks filled respectively with blue and red liquids, while the third barely had any yellow.
… concerning, but appropriate.
What do you mean?
Yellow is associated with happiness.
I… oh. Right, that makes sense.
Indeed. Now, shall we begin this ludicrous strategy you've decided on, or should we eat first?
If I eat first, I might vomit when we start.
True. Very well, no food. Shall we begin?
Lily II
Lily was dressed for the End-of-the-Year Slug Club Dinner Party, a name which had taken literal hours to finalize. She looked in the mirror, inspecting herself as Marlene stood behind her, looking her up and down.
"Hmm," Marlene commented. "Clashes with your hair, doesn't it?"
"By all means," Lily replied, "Dress me yourself."
"How about… do you like black?"
"No."
"Brown?"
"Are those my only two options?"
"What about beige?"
"Fine, beige." Lily flourished her wand, and her yellow dress turned a beige color. "How about this?" She wasn't particularly happy with what she saw in the mirror.
"Not fond of floral patterns, but good enough," Marlene answered.
"You're impossible to please."
"Don't let Sirius hear that," Mary commented as she walked in. "If word gets out Marlene McKinnon's impossible to please, he'll take it as a challenge."
Marlene, seemingly realizing the connotations, reddened and threw a pillow at Mary. "Where in Godric's name do you hear these things, Mary?!"
Mary dodged and grinned. "I'll never tell."
"Mum! Mary's teasing me with dirty thoughts!"
"Now now, girls," Lily chided. "Mum has to go out."
"Speaking of which, who're you bringing as your date?"
Lily paused. "I wasn't really thinking of bringing anyone."
"No?" Marlene looked disappointed. "Fine. Go alone, you old crone."
Lily stuck her tongue out at the two of them. "Night, girls."
"Night, Mum," the two said in unison.
Lily left Gryffindor Tower and made her way to the open courtyard where the party was being held. Slughorn, along with a few other members of the Slug Club, had set up a massive tent that covered the entire courtyard, supported by the exterior corridors that boxed the courtyard in. The fresh June air soothed Lily as she took a deep breath and prepared for the festivities.
"Evans!" Lily turned to see Dirk Cresswell approaching. He was one year below her, a Ravenclaw with considerable skill in potioneering. If not for Lily and Snape… if not for Lily, Cresswell might have been the best Potions student currently attending Hogwarts. Much of it had to do with Damocles Belby acting as his immediate mentor outside of classes, but that wasn't to say Cresswell didn't have the predisposition. Cresswell stopped in front of her, and he said, "Belby's here!"
"Is he?!" Lily grinned. "Get Adrian; we need to take a picture together!"
Cresswell nodded and ran off, just as Belby approached. He was looking rather dapper, now that he had made a name for himself in the field of potioneering, and especially from his current financial backing from the Ministry. "Evans! Good to see you!"
"Belby!" Lily hugged her upperclassman. "You're looking well."
"I feel it," Belby remarked. "I admit, I was in a bit of a slump lately, but receiving that invitation put a skip in my step. How's the old Slug treating you?"
"According to him, I'm one of his favorites," Lily replied smugly.
"Funny," Cresswell said as he arrived with Adrian Creevey. "He says the same thing about me."
"Ah!" Belby walked over and slapped Creevey on the back. "Good to see you, Creevey!"
"Hello, Belby," Creevey said awkwardly. Despite his discomfort, he looked happy enough. "So, how about that picture?"
"Of course!" Belby wrapped his arms around Lily and Cresswell. "Smile for the camera, children!"
A flash of light near-blinded Lily as Creevey's camera came to life. She blinked a few times as Creevey groaned. "He's here again."
"Who?" Belby asked.
"Lockhart."
Lily and Cresswell turned around. Gilderoy Lockhart was, in fact, present. A first-year Ravenclaw, Lockhart had arrived at Hogwarts with an air of unearned confidence, and his ego matched Potter's, only without the proper prowess to back it up. Then again, comparing a first-year to a fifth-year, Lily wasn't quite sure who was worse.
Lockhart was currently in an intense discussion with Professor Slughorn, who seemed to be eating up whatever nonsense the boy was spewing. It might have been because of the boy's elegant lilac dress robes, or it could have been because of his unfettered ambitions. Slughorn had always had a soft spot for the ambitious, assuming they followed through with their plans.
"Anyway," Belby said, "I was wondering where Snape was."
Lily sighed internally. There's no escape from Snape. "He's not attending tonight's party."
"Ah, I see." Belby looked disappointed. "That's a shame. I was meaning to ask him about a project I was working on."
"Perhaps one of us could offer answers instead," Cresswell suggested.
"No," Belby said, shaking his head dejectedly. "No, I needed to ask Snape specifically. That boy knows his potions."
"So do we," Creevey remarked.
"Never mind," Belby said dismissively. "I'll see if I can write him a letter. Wokekirk, correct?"
"Cokeworth," Lily corrected. "I've never heard of Wokekirk."
"... bugger, is that why he didn't respond last summer?" Belby groaned. "Damn you, Lucius."
"Damn me, will you?" Everyone suddenly turned to see Lucius Malfoy and Regulus Black approach their circle. "Now now, Damocles. One must have restraint."
"Apologies," Belby said, smiling. "Good to see you."
"Likewise," Malfoy drawled. He turned to the other members of the circle, eyeing Lily with an… unusual look. "Ah…. Miss Evans, yes?"
"I'm glad you remember me," Lily replied coolly.
"Yes, Mr. Snape spoke highly of you… for a time anyway. Muggle-born, correct?"
Lily raised an eyebrow. "I hope that won't be a problem."
"Ah, I seem to have offended you," Malfoy said calmly. "I am in the habit of such things. No one's perfect." He turned back to Belby and asked, "How is your project coming along?"
"Excellently," Belby answered. "Although, there's a slight setback. I'm in the process of reviewing my ingredients and seeing if I can find alternatives."
"I see." Malfoy's stoic face made it impossible to see what he was thinking. "No matter. I'm sure, with time and resources, you will prevail."
"Are you enjoying yourselves?" Lily asked, eyeing Malfoy and Black.
"I believe so," Malfoy replied. "Regulus, do you agree?"
"Yes," Black answered in the same comical demeanor as Malfoy. "My compliments to whoever was in charge of tonight's menu."
"Thank you," Lily said. She wasn't used to bottling up her frustrations, but she couldn't afford to ruin the party with an outburst.
"Unfortunately," Malfoy said, "Regulus and I will be departing tonight. We have guests arriving tomorrow at the manor. Belby. Evans. Others." Malfoy and Black gave curt nods before turning on their heels and departing, their ponytails swishing behind them as they walked.
As they disappeared, Cresswell commented, "Right posers, they are."
Lily snorted.
"I wish I could say the same," Belby said, "but the Malfoys are one of my sponsors. The Blacks, too."
"What are you working on?" Creevey asked.
"Now now, I'm not one to reveal my secrets." Belby patted Cresswell and Creevey on the shoulders. "Now then, I should go mingle with the rest of the crowd. Evans, give my regards to Snape, yes?"
"I will," Lily said, forcing a smile.
Belby returned with a genuine smile and trotted off.
"You don't think you should've told him about the incident?" Cresswell asked.
"I'm not keen on talking about it in general," Lily replied.
"Right, sorry." Cresswell gave a sheepish grin. "Well, I'm off to stuff my mouth with tongue toast."
"Only tongue you'll be getting anytime soon," Creevey mused.
"Shut it," Cresswell laughed. The two boys walked off, leaving Lily to her thoughts.
Lily took a small plate and took a few deviled eggs and vegetables, munching on a carrot as she approached Slughorn; fortunately, Lockhart had been escorted away from the party.
"Evening, Professor!"
"Ah, there you are, Lily!" Slughorn was beaming. "I hope you're enjoying the company so far."
"Of course, sir," Lily replied, pushing Malfoy and Black out of her head. "It's good to see Mr. Belby again."
"Isn't it? I suspect he'll be on the front-page soon. It's a pity his brother doesn't have the same passion for potioneering. Such a shame."
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"Forgive me if I'm overstepping-"
"Not at all, my dear!"
"... did Snape give a reason for not coming?"
Slughorn choked on his drink, but he quickly recovered. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm just curious. You never really gave a reason before-"
"Yes, well, I believe Mr. Snape wouldn't want me divulging such a conversation."
Lily nodded. This was going nowhere. "I see."
"I'm sorry that I can't answer."
"Don't worry, it's fine. I'll see if I can ask him later on."
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Lily?"
Something about that question didn't sit right with her. "... what do you mean?"
"Well, I thought that, considering the recent incident- sorry, I shouldn't bring that up."
Lily wasn't sure how, but something clicked. "Horace… it was Snape's idea not to attend, right?"
"Well… yes, it was."
I knew it. "I see. Well, it's his decision. His loss."
"Right," Slughorn nodded, taking another sip. "Well, I should go organize the dinner tables." With that, he waddled off.
Lily's appetite was gone, but she forced herself to clean her plate. She regretted asking Slughorn about- no, no. She was going to enjoy the last dinner party of the school year. She wasn't about to let anything distract her. She helped put the party together, and she was determined to see it through.
Severus III
Severus was lying in bed, curtains drawn and Muffled. The preparations were in place; the blueprint in his mind needed to contain the memories Professor Snape would bestow upon him. A perpetual chill of nervousness emanated from his spine, coursing through his extremities. He had controlled his breathing to calm himself, to prepare for the ordeal.
You've been stalling…. Are you ready now?
"Ready," Severus said aloud.
If you would prefer to do this day-by-day to acclimate-
"We don't have time," Severus cut in. "If I don't push myself now, I won't be prepared for the summer."
I understand why you want to do this, but I will continue to advise against it.
"If there's another way," Severus said, "another way to prepare ourselves for what comes, tell me."
Any suggestion I give would take longer, and I suspect you would take issue with it.
"Correct." Severus took a slow, deep breath.
You're afraid.
"It'll be worse if I wait longer."
Very well. Let me prepare myself. There was a pause. Now?
"Now."
Legilimens.
Severus's mind fluttered with images that moved too fast, his mind processing them too quickly. The emotions he would have felt those days returned in full. The flasks containing the blue and green liquids cracked. And he screamed.
Regulus I
Sunday, 13 June 1976
It was mid-morning when Lucius and Regulus Apparated to the filthy Muggle town of Cokeworth, arriving in a secluded grove of trees by the filthy Muggle-ruined river. The idea that a witch or wizard could even consider living in such refuse was a testament to how much magical society had decayed, and how much Muggledom had overgrown. To destroy the beauty of the natural world, only to replace it with greying, soul-crushing death, was disgusting.
"Come now, Regulus," Lucius said. "Remember not to use magic. I will perform the Disillusionment." Lucius, true to his word, Disillusioned the two of them effortlessly. "Now then, I trust you know where we must go?"
"Spinner's End. I believe it to be close by, assuming the Muggle map is correct."
"One can hope," Lucius said, disgust creeping into his voice with each passing second. "Let us be off. I would rather return home soon."
The two wizards made their way from the riverbank to the filthy Muggle streets, past the lifeless, identical Muggle homes. Lucius made several audible remarks of disdain for the architecture, the brickwork. Regulus held his hand over his nose and mouth to breathe in as little of the filthy Muggle air as possible.
After some time, Regulus spotted the street sign. Spinner's End. He quietly said, "Here. Let me find the number." He and Lucius carefully scanned each of the dilapidated houses, until finally, they found it. The home of one Severus Snape.
"Back alley," Lucius commanded, and Regulus obeyed. They hurried behind the house, into the alleyway, and Lucius asked, "Now then, how much do you know of the Snapes?"
"Nothing," Regulus admitted. "I don't even know their full names."
"Is that so? Odd. How did you discover the address?"
"Rosier."
"Indeed. So… you know of the address… but not the family?"
"Aside from knowing Mrs. Snape is dead, no."
"Very well. Let us observe Mr. Snape."
"Of course." Regulus peeked in through the window, and he quickly turned his eyes away with nauseating disgust. "It's foul!" The house had not seen a bit of cleaning for Merlin knows how long. There was an unconscious, filthy man, snoring in his own wretchedness. Had Regulus opened the door, he would have suspected to be struck by the scent of smoke and alcohol.
"Naturally," Lucius ground out, peering inside. "Unacceptable living conditions for Mr. Snape. How a wizard could raise his son like this is beyond me."
"What should we do?"
"Let us wait until we see this man's daily routine. Perhaps, an opportunity may arise for us to… fix things. For Snape's sake, you understand?"
"Of course." Regulus felt an uncomfortable knot form in his stomach.
The two wizards watched as Mr. Snape awoke with a start, lifting himself off the couch and staggering to the kitchen sink. He turned the handle, but no water came out. He growled before staggering over to the filthy Muggle ice box, and Regulus almost gagged at how much rotten food there was. Why had the man not used a Stasis Charm to keep the food fresh? Before Regulus could rationalize the thought, the man slammed the ice box shut and went back to the couch, pulling on some filthy pants. With his trousers secured by a weathered belt, the man went to the front door and left the house.
"Now, we investigate," Lucius said.
"The house?"
"The man. Clearly a poor excuse for a wizard, wouldn't you say?"
"I would," Regulus nodded. "Shall we?"
"We shall."
Regulus and Lucius followed Mr. Snape down the street, keeping their distance, and Regulus swore he heard Lucius gag; granted, the man had many reasons to react in such a manner. The man they followed reeked of the foulest odors any witch or wizard could possibly imagine, and if there was a potion that had the opposite scent as Amortentia, this man had bathed in it. A simple charm could have dealt with the odor and the foul stains on his clothes, and yet, for some reason, he had gone out of his way to be as horrible as humanly possible.
Regulus and Lucius eventually followed Mr. Snape into a thicket of trees near a playground, with the two wizards keeping some distance as they watched the wretched man slink behind one of the larger trees, his back turned to them and his eyes on the Muggle children. Regulus wasn't sure what to expect; had they really just followed someone to watch Muggle children play? This sounded like something Mulciber would do…. Regulus felt sick, but not from nausea. He steadied himself on a nearby tree.
"He has yet to Disillusion himself," Lucius spoke softly.
"Yes." Regulus struggled to reply. "Should we take his wand?"
"I think so," Lucius agreed. "Best if we do so with little resistance, yes?" He raised his wand, and softly said, "Accio wand."
Nothing happened.
Regulus was stunned. "What… I don't understand."
"Ah. A Muggle… meaning…."
"... Snape's a half-blood?"
"So it would seem. Well… no one's perfect."
"What should we do?"
"Perhaps…." Lucius's voice was filled with an excited venom. "... yes, I have an idea." He softly cleared his throat. "Imperio."
Mr. Snape suddenly went limp, his body relaxed as it rested against the tree he was hiding behind.
Lucius raised the tip of the wand to his lips, and he said, "Do what you will. Without reservation."
Mr. Snape suddenly came to life, leaving his hiding spot as he approached the playground.
Lucius grabbed Regulus by the shoulder, and he said, "Well… that was simple."
The last thing Regulus heard before Disapparating was screaming.
Severus IV
Severus was lying on his bed, shaking profusely. He had worn a cold sweat since the ordeal had started, and he couldn't remember if he'd fallen asleep or not. Half of him thought he had cried himself to sleep, while the other half thought he'd spent the entire night staring a hole into the ceiling. Both were true, and he had no way of reconciling the paradox. Occlumency had only gotten him so far before Professor Snape had decided to rework the design of the labyrinth, tweaking certain portions to better align their dual memories. He sat up, barely managing to draw the covers off of himself as he stepped onto the floor. He quickly grabbed his clothes and walked to the bathroom, where he set his clothes down and started his shower.
Lily had hated him. Hated him. She had cast him spiteful glances while laughing with her friends; she had watched as Potter and his friends had continued their torment. She openly discouraged their actions, but Severus could almost feel the satisfaction she emanated when she looked down on him. Was it his imagination, or was it the professor's memories? He knew their falling out had been bad, based on what little was shared with him, but he couldn't imagine Lily being so spiteful. And the memories of her spitefulness seemed to come from a third source, not Professor Snape… but there was no third Snape. Just the two of them.
The cold water helped numb Severus's body, and the cold sweat was washed away as he shivered. He had persevered, he had made it through the night, albeit roughly. Fortunately, no one had heard him; otherwise, he was sure his condition would gain everyone's attention. The last thing he needed was unwanted attention.
You need time to rest. After last night, I can tell your mind cannot handle the amount of information-
It was one bad night. I can adjust.
Not without proper rest. With enough stress, you may suffer a breakdown. And if that happens, they may take you off to St. Mungo's, where you will be of no help to anyone.
Would Dumbledore allow that?
Professor Snape didn't answer immediately. There's the possibility he would keep you at Hogwarts, concealing your condition. If our check-up from Madam Pomfrey is anything to go by, our condition isn't easily detectable. Even the healers wouldn't be able to identify it.
Because-
-because technically, there's nothing wrong with us. We are the same soul, bound together, and our memories are slowly being knit. Or at least, it would be slow if you were smart enough to pace yourself. Because of this, they can't identify the problem, because they're using the wrong method.
I would've thought they would have the means to detect something like that.
If Dark Magic was involved. But I'm not sure if our situation qualifies. In any event, rest yourself.
Fine. Severus stepped out of the shower and began drying himself off. And… I'm sorry for how I've been acting.
Save your apologies for Lily.
No, this isn't for Lily. You've been advising me, and I've been acting against your advice. Against my own wellbeing.
And I suspect this will continue. So don't apologize until the end of this. However, please refrain from foolishness, as much as you can muster.
I will. Severus finished dressing. I will…. We should go to Dumbledore, right?
I thought we had agreed on resting?
We have, but I think he should know about the results. Severus went to leave the bathroom, but he felt his body grow light… and heavy. He staggered forward, barely catching himself on a counter. What… what was that?
You are in no condition to leave this room.
Give me a moment. Severus closed his eyes and controlled his breathing, steadily and carefully standing himself back to full height. He opened his eyes and took his hand from the counter, taking a cautious step forward. Nothing odd happened. I think I'm alright now.
Take your time. At least return to your bed before anything else.
Right. Severus did as instructed, carefully making his way back to his bed, with nothing happening. It's passed. I'm fine.
Very well. In that case, should we eat first?
No. No, perhaps we can eat in Dumbledore's office like last time? The less we move around, the better, and going to the Great Hall would make things riskier.
I see…. Well thought.
Severus was almost taken aback by his older self's approval, but he nodded. He made his way out of the dorm, out of the common room, and began his walk to Dumbledore's office. He tucked his hand in his pocket to feel the coin Dumbledore had given them. Do you think he can hear us?
Let me see…. Yes, he can. The password is 'Sugar Quill'.
'Quill' or 'Quills'?
… 'Quills'.
Damn pedantry.
You have no idea.
Severus reached the gargoyle and said, "Sugar Quills." The gargoyle stepped aside, and he made his way up the steps and knocked on the door. The door opened on its own, and Severus stepped in to find Dumbledore sitting at his desk with two cups of tea.
"Ah, good morning, Severus." Dumbledore gestured to the chair, and Severus sat down. "I have some tea, and perhaps some biscuits?"
"I'm not fond of sweets," Severus replied. He took one of the cups and sipped.
"No matter," Dumbledore said. "Tea for now, then. How was your evening?"
"Not pleasant."
He didn't sleep at all. The memories of last week were overwhelming, even with the overlapping events.
"I see." Dumbledore let a pause fill the air. "Perhaps, you should adjust your plans. I don't believe you would be of any use, were you to go mad."
I've told him.
"I…." Severus paused. "I think you're both right. I'll take a break from it."
"Very well," Dumbledore said, nodding. "That would be wise."
"But what am I to do aside from-"
There was a sharp snap.
Severus cried out, grasping the back of his head as he leaned forward.
"Severus!" Dumbledore had stood and walked to Severus's side of the table. "Are you alright?"
"Something's wrong-"
Snap.
Severus shut his eyes, the pain forming a lingering nausea in the back of his throat. "What's happening?!"
I don't know; I'm not doing anything!
"Try!"
I-
Snap.
Snap.
Snap.
Snap.
"Severus, stay with me." Dumbledore's hands were resting on Severus's shoulders. "Try to empty your mind."
It's all coming in, Albus!
"What is?"
Suddenly, a storm of snapping and tearing and weaving flooded Severus's mind, and he struck his head against the table to dull the pain. An inhuman scream left him, spawning from the back of his throat, as he collapsed on the floor, curling into a ball and digging his fingers into his hair, his nails in turn digging into his scalp to rip the pain out.
The last thing he remembered was everything.
Author's Notes
Dirk Cresswell (Ravenclaw)
-Date of Birth: 1 September 1960 - 31 August 1961
-Hogwarts Years: 1972 - 1979
-Wand:
Adrian Creevey (Hufflepuff): Muggle-born uncle of Colin and Dennis Creevey
-Date of Birth: 1 September 1959 - 31 August 1960
-Hogwarts Years: 1971 - 1978
-Wand:
Damocles Belby (Ravenclaw): member of the Slug Club to establish a precedent for his future success
-Date of Birth: 1 September 1956 - 31 August 1957
-Hogwarts Years: 1967 - 1974
-Wand: