Chapter Eighteen: The Truth Revealed

Up at Hogwarts, the days passed by - getting warmer and warmer, and soon Sirius and James had served all their lost break times, if not all their detentions. And - although they still felt a very sad and sorry group with Remus missing - they still went outside for their first free break-time to celebrate in high spirits.

'Right - now Big Macca's off our backs a bit, we need to get some practice in,' James said to them. 'It's not over us with us and the Slytherins. It'll never be over. We need to get practising our hexes - we need to get duelling. Wands out.'

They stood in a circle - and pointed their wands at each other. Peter looked rather nervous and sweaty.

'Rictumsempra,' Sirius yelled - sparks shot from his wand and hit James right in the gut, who immediately doubled over and fell to the floor, gasping and wheezing as the tickling charm left him breathless with laughter.

'Tarantellegra' he shouted - pointing his wand at Sirius in retaliation. But his aim was off from all his laughing - and he hit Peter instead. Peter wobbled around on wildly tap dancing legs - while Sirius barked with laughter.

'Here, I'll stop it, Pete. Petrificus Totalus. ' Peter stopped dancing, went stiff as a board and keeled over.

James struggled his way back to his feet. 'Immobulus,' he hit Sirius with a freezing charm. And when Sirius unfroze he hit James back with a bat bogey hex.

As James' face flapped around with great, winged bogies, Sirius helped Peter to his feet and then immediately hit him with a jellylegs jinx. 'You need to draw your wand quicker than that,' he said to Peter - as, once more, Peter wobbled around again on uncontrollable legs.

Then the bell rang, the jinxes wore off - and they returned to the castle.

…

They did the same at break the next day - and the next. Sirius had the edge because he had read about so many jinxes while he was avoiding his family back at Christmas, but James was fast catching up.

Peter, on the other hand - was vastly out matched and outdrawn - and spent most of each break time either flat on his back or sporting some weird and wonderful deformity.

'I told you,' Sirius said to him, sticking out a hand and helping him back to his feet as he lay there gasping - little tentacles sprouting from his face, 'you need to be quicker. Here - James - stand still. Peter point your wand.'

'What? He's not hexing me!'

'Yeah, he is - he needs to learn. Stand still.'

James grumbled, but folded his arms and did as Sirius told him. Sirius adjusted the wand in Peter's grip. 'Right, now - circular motion and say "immobulus" .'

Peter flailed his wand - muttered the word … and smoke shot out of the tip and engulfed the pair of them. They choked and spluttered, while James - completely unharmed - laughed his head off.

'Shut it, four eyes,' Sirius snarled. 'Come on - Pete - go again.'

Peter tried again. There was a booming sound, like a crack of thunder… but still nothing happened. 'Oh come on,' Sirius sighed. 'We learned how to do this at the beginning of the year. How can you have forgotten?'

'It's just hard!'

'Well - try again. Until you get it.'

But then the bell rang - and Peter gratefully headed back to the castle. 'You're being very nice to Pete,' James said, as the pair of them followed on more slowly.

'Are you saying I'm not normally nice?'

'Yes.'

Sirius sighed. 'I've got a lot of making up to do for how awful I was to Remus. No one's chopped me into pieces and fed me to poisonous snakes yet … Being nice to Pete is the next closest thing.'

…

They tried the next day and the next day, Sirius biting down his impatience to try and help Peter master these basic hexes. But the smaller boy continued to struggle - and more often than not he would set fire to something or get choked by a miasma of rotten egg smelling smoke or just cause his wand to make a loud booming sound.

'Honestly - I'm just hopeless.'

'You'll get there,' Sirius said encouragingly … though James noticed his teeth were gritted when he spoke.

Finally, after Merlin only knew how many practices, Peter managed to produce the white sparks of the freezing charm … and furthermore, James was - not frozen exactly - but a little bit slow and stiff.

'Excellent, Peter!' Sirius cried. Peter grinned. 'Now - we need to work on speed - OK? So we're both going to draw on the count of three - yeah? But when I say three - you hex me as fast as you can? Got it? Before I can hex you... '

'Got it.' He looked a bit sweaty at the prospect, but he gripped his wand tightly and his eyes narrowed in concentration.

'One,' Sirius called. 'Two …'

…

Professor McGonagall had just left the castle by the front door. It was such a nice day - with the fluffy clouds in the blue sky and the promise of a summer, yet to come, in the air - that she thought she would take a turn about the lake before the next lesson. She could see Black and Potter and Pettigrew messing around beneath the beech tree - at least they weren't by the Whomping Willow - and she did her best to ignore them. She didn't want their rule breaking ruining her walk. What she didn't see - she couldn't punish ...

…

'Three' Sirius yelled - he drew his wand and flourished it… though he went a little slower on casting his hex than was necessary - trying to give Peter a chance to think he had beaten him.

Peter gave a panicked squeak, waved his wand around desperately and …

Kaboom!

There was a huge explosion; thick, black smoke billowed up like a mushroom cloud - and Peter was lost somewhere inside.

…

McGonagall stared in horror as, right before her eyes, Black blew up Pettigrew. Literally blew him up. One minute he was standing there and the next … Merlin knew if the boy was still living. She began to run towards them.

…

Sirius and James choked and spluttered and used their hands to try and waft away the worst of the smoke. 'Pete - Pete are you alive in there?'

Eventually they had cleared enough to be able to stumble forward and peer through the sooty gloom. And there they found Peter, standing in the middle of a wide crater, clutching his wand, covered in grime and looking utterly shell shocked. 'Pete?'

'Sirius Black!'

The boy stumbled backwards as he heard his name being shouted by a very angry Big Macca.

'Professor!'

'I have never - in all my days as a teacher seen …' She clutched her chest and took in a great lungful of air. 'You could have killed him.' She was pale - though she looked relieved when she caught sight of Peter standing there, still breathing.

'I never -'

'Not another word. Up to my office now! The two of you as well,' she glared at James, and he meekly helped Peter out of his crater and led him back up to the castle.

Sirius's expression was a mixture of mutinous and terrified. He had done nothing wrong but … it seemed like this was the end of the line. He was about to be expelled for sure.

McGonagall followed them into the office, and she was still breathing like a winded rhinoceros as she settled herself behind her desk.

Sirius felt his legs tremble beneath him - and fought with himself not to show any fear. 'Professor I -'

'Not a word!' she snapped. 'I have never, ever seen anything so dangerous. I have never seen a student show such callous disregard for a peer - a friend's - life. Not only did you endanger , but you have caused severe damage to the grounds. That alone is worth being expelled for. You will be helping Hagrid fill in that crater before you leave this school, Mr. Black.'

'I-'

'I warned you. I said take another step out of line and you would be expelled. Well, this is it. Merlin, knows I do not enjoy this, the last thing I want is to lose a Gryffindor. But you are crossing too many lines. You show no respect for the rules, no respect for authority and no respect for the school. You have no place here if you cannot at least learn to temper your behaviour. You have been given chance after chance - and now you have run out of them. Do you have anything to say for yourself?'

She glared at him. He glared back - defiantly, saying nothing …. Because he was afraid he might start to cry if he tried to speak.

'Very well then, Mr. Black. Hand over your wand - the Ministry will destroy it at their own convenience.'

He was really struggling not to cry now. He was really struggling to make his arm move as well - to reach out and put his wand on the desk. McGonagall kept on glaring at him - looking like she was about to breathe fire.

He had been so proud when that wand had chosen him. Fir and dragon heartstring. Twelve and ¾ inches. Good for defensive spells.

Slowly slowly, inch by inch - he reached out - his fingers rebelling and gripping the wood all the tighter, even as he was supposed to relinquish it.

'Peter!' James suddenly cried out. Sirius stopped and looked at him. McGonagall did likewise. James however, was only looking at Peter - and his face was both anxious and incredulous. 'Tell her - she's going to chuck him out. It was only an accident. Tell her - or I will.'

'Tell me what?' Her lips went thin.

James stared at Peter - who quivered … but under his friend's angry glare he could not stay silent. 'It was - it was me…' he squeaked. 'I blew the hole in the ground.'

'I saw Black do it.'

Peter squeaked.

James shook his head. 'No, Professor. Sirius drew his wand - we're practicing duelling, you see. But he's been trying to help Peter get better at it. He held back - to let Peter cast first, to give him some confidence … but Peter, well, he's been blowing things up a lot recently. Nothing like that - but … things do tend to explode when Peter casts a hex. Sirius didn't do anything. Peter's wand backfired and blew him up - but it was all an accident - honest - we were just practising the freezing charm.'

'Pettigrew?' She looked at him.

He squeaked and nodded his head.

'Black?'

'That's how it really happened, Professor - I swear.'

'I see.' She breathed very heavily again - and then she looked at Peter, seeming more angry than ever. 'And you were going to let me expel Black, were you? Rather than admit the truth. All over a simple accident?'

Peter had hunched his shoulders and was trying to make himself look as small as possible.

'Well - I am very disappointed in you. You are quick enough to tell me about other people's wrong doing. You should be equally quick to admit to your own. Detention - for sheer cowardice. You can help Hagrid with filling that hole. Now get out of my sight. Potter too - Black stay here.'

Peter scuttled away. James left - throwing a look of commiseration over his shoulder at Sirius as he went. And then Sirius stood alone in the middle of the office - wondering what he was about to get balled out for now.

Instead, McGonagall reached for a tin, took the lid off and held it out. 'Have a biscuit, Black.'

He stared at her - thinking he must have misheard or misunderstood.

'Go on - take one, and take a seat.'

More than a little baffled, he took a ginger newt and sat down. She stared at him like a hawk. 'It was very noble of you not to rat out your friend, even when facing expulsion, Mr. Black.'

'Er -' he didn't know what to say, so he bit into his biscuit instead.

'Noble - but foolish. Utterly pointless. You hear? If other people get into trouble, you do not have to take the blame for them. You do not have to accept punishment that is not due to you. Now you have a stubborn streak - and it turns out a noble one too. But listen to me when I tell you you must not develop a martyr complex. It will do you no good in the end. Let people take what is coming to them. Own up to your own mistakes and wrongdoings, of course - I would expect nothing less of you, but do not shoulder other people's, you hear?'

'Yes, Professor McGonagall.'

'Have another biscuit.'

'No thanks.'

'Don't be ridiculous.'

He took another one. 'What did you mean?' he asked, 'when you said to Pete that he was quick at telling you about other people breaking the rules?'

She frowned at him. 'It was Pettigrew who informed me you would be at the Whomping Willow that night. That was how I knew where to find you.'

'What?'

'I thought you knew.'

'No,' his ears were ringing. 'I - I thought ...Remus…'

'Mr. Lupin? No - he never said a word.'

'But - I saw him leaving your office - that day.'

She frowned even deeper. 'I was speaking to Mr. Lupin about his mother - preparing him for what was to come.'

And on hearing that, Sirius wasn't sure if it was more to his horror - or McGonagall's - that he burst into tears.

...

The portrait swung open - and Peter looked up just in time to receive the full force of Sirius's school bag swung into his face. 'You little rat!' Sirius snarled, dropping his bag and launching himself on the smaller boy.

Peter squealed - tumbled over - and began to crawl away - but Sirius hauled him back and started swinging his fists as fast and as furiously as he could. The whole common room had gone still - and then people got to their feet, a crowd gathered and a chant of 'fight fight fight' started up. Sirius kept on punching. Peter kept on wriggling - trying to get away.

'Sirius! Sirius - what?' James had hurled himself forward and grabbed Sirius around the chest and was trying to haul him off Peter. But Sirius was taller and stronger, and James couldn't manage. 'Help. Me!' he grunted at the assembled, cheering crowd … and, reluctant and grinning, Alex Wood and Henry Bell stepped forward and hoiked Sirius off Peter.

They held him about a foot off the ground, while he still fought and struggled and swung hits that didn't land beneath their grip. 'Gonna kill 'im - let me at him -'m gonna kill him.'

'Sirius - what's got into you?' James yelled at him.

'That little rat,' he swung another punch - but the Quidditch players still held him tight. His legs flailed in the air - and he aimed a kick that didn't reach. 'He's the one who told on us - not Remus.'

James gaped - and then turned to stare at Peter - who turned the grey colour of old porridge and then turned and fled up the stairs.

'Lemme go!' Sirius managed to drop free of his captors - and he and James thundered up the staircase to their dormitory - to find Peter had barricaded the door.

'Let us in, Peter!' They banged and thumped and pounded - and when all else failed, took out their wands and blasted their way through.

Peter screamed and scuttled through the dorm and ducked down behind his bed to hide. 'Why did you let us blame Remus?' James demanded.

'I - I - you weren't talking to him. You were so angry - I didn't want you to blame me! I was afraid!'

'His mum was dying - you foul git! His mum was dying and I was treating him like dirt - and you were letting me. I'll give you something to be afraid of,' and Sirius brandished his wand…

Peter screamed and ducked for cover.

But James grabbed his wand arm and stayed him with a look. 'You've already avoided getting expelled once today. Don't push your luck. Not over Peter. Pete,' he turned to the other boy, 'why did you tell on us?'

Peter was still crouched behind his bed, wringing his hands. 'McGonagall said anyone who knew and didn't tell would get expelled as well. I couldn't get expelled, I didn't want to get into trouble for something I wasn't a part of.'

'No one would have got in trouble at all if you hadn't told, you little snot. No one was in any danger of getting expelled until you started flapping your great, fat gob. You're the reason we got caught,' Sirius growled.

'But I didn't know! I didn't know what would happen. My family isn't rich and important like both of yours. I can't afford to be expelled. Don't you see? I had to tell.'

'But you let us think it was Remus.'

'I didn't tell you that - you came up with that yourself. I just ... Didn't correct you. I didn't want you to know what I had done.' He had started to cry now - he was rocking back and forth.

Sirius spat in disgust. 'I don't know what you're doing in Gryffindor. You're as spineless as a jellyfish. You don't belong with us - you're not brave. And I'm not talking to you - ever again.'

'Sirius,' James said, his face had been flushed but it was now returning to its normal colour. His breathing was more even and he sounded like he was trying to mollify his best friend. 'Pete's sorry. He's learned his lesson; haven't you, Peter?'

Peter spluttered and nodded.

'See - and we weren't expelled so … no harm done. Now Remus will be back in a few days - and it's our job to cheer him up. We can't be fighting amongst ourselves. We have to put everything right between us for Remus's sake, alright?'

But Sirius flung himself down on his bed and covered his face with hands. 'How am I ever going to make what I did right to Remus?' he groaned.

…

Remus begged his father not to make him go back to school. He didn't tell his dad the truth - he still hadn't adjusted to his mum not being there and he was keeping the fact he had lost all his friends a secret from her to stop her worrying. If his dad knew - then his mum would find out … And he couldn't let her know, even now she was gone, much as he knew that didn't make sense. But he still couldn't face the thought of going back to school. Couldn't face the thought of being alone and hated.

'Nonsense,' Lyall told him briskly. 'It will do you good to get out of the house - to get away and think of other things. To have fun. It's what your mum would want. She wouldn't want you missing any more of your education than you had to.'

'But -'

'No buts. No ifs. I've written to Professor McGonagall - it is time for you to go back.' He pulled him into a hug. 'I know it will be hard,' he said, thickly. 'But we have to … we have to keep going. Get on with things. You belong at Hogwarts - and that is where you must be.'

'What will you do? All alone?'

'Don't worry about me - I dare say I shall find some way to keep myself busy.'

'I don't want to leave you … I don't want to leave here.'

'It will be the holidays before you know it. But getting away from this house of grief will do you the world of good. Blow away the cobwebs - help you get used to things and start getting your own life back. You promised your mum you would be happy - so go - be happy.'

And though he could not think of anywhere in the world where he would be more miserable, Remus had no answer to that and so - with a heavy heart, he took the pinch of floo powder his father offered him, and travelled back through the fire places to Professor McGonagall's office.

She was waiting for him with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits. 'We're glad to have you back, Lupin,' she told him - and he registered that she was back to using his last name ...She must have decided he needed normality not coddling. He wondered if she had discussed it with his father. 'We are - of course - all heart broken for your loss. To lose a parent at such a young age … One is never old enough to lose a parent, Lupin, no matter how grown up you think you have become, but to lose one so very young, your mother … My heart goes out to you.'

Remus took a sip of his tea, blinked back his tears and mumbled, 'thank you.'

'Now - you have returned to continue with your education and - as such - you should try to complete your homework on time, the same as your classmates, and you will of course be taking your end of year exams … However, we will make allowances.'

'That won't be necessary.'

'We shall see. I do believe throwing yourself into your work and play will be the best thing for you but ...grief affects everyone differently, Lupin. I know your mother would wish you to be happy. I wish you to be happy - and if there is anything you need, or you ever need to talk to someone, my door is always open. You do not have to suffer alone.'

'Thank you,' he mumbled again. He finished his tea, put his cup down and looked about himself awkwardly.

Professor McGonagall smiled at him sympathetically. 'It is late, your friends will be in bed - I can escort you to Gryffindor tower…'

'It's alright - I can go myself.'

'Well - in that case … try not to bump into Mr. Filch. The last thing I want is to find out you spent the night clapped in irons and dangling from your ankles.'

He managed a watery smile. 'I'll be careful. Night, Professor. Thanks for the tea.' He left the office and - as the door swung shut behind him - he heard Professor McGonagall give a deep sigh.

He made his way slowly back to the common room, dragging his feet as he trod the familiar paths. He knew the prof had said it was late - but he wanted to make doubly sure everyone would be in bed before he got there … he couldn't face talking to anyone. Not tonight.

He couldn't face his former friends. Couldn't face their coldness and their hatred, couldn't face their disappointment that he had come back - not now.

He gave the password to the Fat Lady and went common room was mercifully empty, everyone had gone to bed. The exams were soon - maybe people were making sure they were getting enough sleep.

He tiptoed his way up the stairs, eased open the door to his dorm and slipped inside. He was met instantly by the sound of Peter's deep breathing and James' loud snores and, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders at knowing he didn't have to face them all yet, he scurried to his bed and got undressed in the dark, stripping off his robes and changing into his pajamas.

Then he got into bed and pulled the curtains around him, lay down … and stared up at the canopy.

The weight had very much come back. Not just the grief and misery which made his whole chest feel like it was made of lead - though that was unbearable … but the fear of what the morning would bring. What the others would say, how they would treat him, whether or not he would be able to hide how much he was hurting …

He stared up into the dark - worrying and fretting and feeling more and more anxious … until he heard the sound of bare feet hitting the cold floor, and then them pitter pattering across the room. And then Sirius's handsome head poked in through the curtains. 'Hi, Remus, can I come in?'

Remus nodded - and Sirius crawled onto the bed, and under the covers. They looked at each other for a moment - staring - not knowing what to say … and then Sirius just wrapped his arms tight around him … and Remus felt something break inside of him, like a dam bursting, and his whole body seemed to crumple up and he just cried and cried, while Sirius held him tightly - and Peter and James slept on, oblivious.

…

He didn't know how long he cried for, with Sirius holding him and making soothing noises every now again but not saying anything. But eventually, he had cried himself dry, and he pulled away - a little embarrassed now. 'Sorry.'

'Don't be sorry.'

'I didn't mean to - I mean, I shouldn't have … I didn't mean to cry.' And he felt himself wrapped up in a hug again.

'Your mum just died Remus, you're allowed to cry… I'm sorry … about your mum.'

'Thanks.'

'It's not fair.'

'No.'

'Your lovely mum … and yet my hideous old hag lives on.'

Despite himself, Remus bit his lip and laughed. 'You shouldn't say that. You would be sad if anything happened to her really - and I wouldn't wish this on you. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.'

Sirius stiffened beside him. He let go of Remus and rubbed his neck awkwardly. 'Er- yeah - listen, Remus, I'm sorry about the way I was behaving before.'

'It doesn't matter.'

'Yes - it does. I made you miserable. Your mum was dying - and I made you miserable because I thought you'd told McGonagall about us going to that stupid tree. I blamed you for me nearly getting expelled.'

Remus's eyes grew wide. 'I didn't tell on you, Sirius!'

'Well I know that now . It seems so stupid - with your mum and everything and I was hung up on who had told on me. Like it wasn't me breaking the rules in the first place. But I made things worse for you - when you needed me.' He gave him a rueful look, 'do you think you can ever forgive me? I understand if you can't,' he added quickly.

'Of course I forgive you … Does this mean we're... friends again?' And he suddenly felt lighter and happier than he would have believed possible just half an hour ago.

'Of course we're friends - we'll always be friends - just as long as you can put up with me being a total idiot.'

'It's alright, I'm used to that,' and he gently shoulder barged Sirius, who grinned and shoulder barged him back. 'So - how did you get caught?' he asked.

Sirius snorted in disgust. 'It was Peter who told on me! Little rat! But James says I'm not allowed to kill him. Can you believe it? - He told on me - and then he let me blame you, and let me not talk to you and didn't tell me the truth.'

'How did you find out then?'

'Big Macca told me. You should have seen him when I confronted him: weeping and cringing and wringing his hands… cowardly little git.' He snorted again. 'When I saw … it was so obvious. I can't believe I ever thought it was you, I can't believe I blamed you over Peter, when it was staring me in the face what a worthless, faithless, little slime he is. Still -' he wrapped his arms around Remus one more time and gave him a squeeze. 'Now I know - and I'll never make that same mistake again.'