Chapter Nineteen: One Step at a Time

Remus woke up to find that Sirius was still curled up in bed beside him … and just his being there made the young werewolf feel happier than he would have believed possible. He had friends again. He wasn't alone. He could be happy - and that would make his mum happy, wherever she was now.

Not that the three boys weren't a little awkward around him. They were never quite sure what to say or do for the best - but Remus could tell they just wanted to cheer him up, and that meant everything; even if James did occasionally put his foot in his mouth, or Peter sat in silence because he was so afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Sirius was by far the best at dealing with him, and Remus supposed that was because his own home life was not happy. He just seemed to have a much better handle on when Remus needed to be made to laugh and to be brought out of himself, and when he needed to be left alone.

And he crawled into Remus's bed for a chat most nights - and some mornings as well, while the other two boys - who had nothing to trouble them - slept the sleep of the carefree and peaceful.

Much to Remus's relief, none of his friends asked about his face … and if they talked about his new scars - and how he had got them - among themselves, they were at least careful enough not to let Remus catch them doing it. The same could not be said for everyone else though. Plenty of people, older kids, complete strangers would stop in the corridor to ask him what on earth he had done to himself.

After Sirius had thumped a few of them, they stopped asking though … and in time the vivid redness of the fresh cuts began to fade … though they would always leave a mark.

School work was not getting any easier - as May trundled along to a close and the exams loomed up, teachers started throwing last minute homework at them and getting them to revise all hours of the day. 'You must pass these exams to get into second year,' McGonagall told them crisply, at the end of one lesson, 'and there are some people in this room who are on very precarious ground.' Her eyes swept across Peter, who had had no luck turning his fishbowl into a frying pan.

...

When he had been back in school for a week, and the four of them had been trapped in the common room trying to stuff Transfiguration facts into their brains and ignore the allure of the summer breeze wafting outside the window, Remus suddenly looked up into the fire … and realised he had gone a whole hour without thinking about his mum.

Immediately guilt and grief crashed in on him. He dropped his book, made his excuses and fled to the dormitory. The other boys watched him go - slightly bemused - and then James turned to Sirius, his question plain on his face.

'Just give him a minute,' Sirius advised. 'We'll go talk to him when he's had time to pretend he hasn't been crying.'

Up in the dorm, Remus let the storm of tears burst over him - and then, when the worst had passed, wiped his eyes and splashed some water on his face. His mum had told him not to feel guilty when he got on with life without her. This was what she wanted for him - to sit and laugh and revise with his friends, not to hide away by himself - blubbing over things that could not be changed. He took some deep breaths - and told himself to stop being soft.

By the time he heard Sirius's footsteps coming up the stairs, he had pulled another book out of his trunk and was lying on his bed, pretending to read it.

'Alright, Remus?'

Remus lowered his book and arranged his expression so it looked politely bewildered as to why Sirius would even be checking on him. 'Fine - you?'

'Great - listen ... me and James have had enough of revision. We were thinking of going for a walk around the lake - wanna come?'

He furrowed his brow, 'are you and James even allowed out of the common room out of school hours?'

'We are if we're with you - cheering you up.'

He smiled drily, 'oh - I'm your excuse to get you out from under house arrest, am I? You think McGonagall won't mind?'

'Nah - turns out Big Macca's a big softie - you just need to know which button to press. She will turn a complete blind eye to us being out of bounds as long as we're with you.'

'I'm your get out of jail free card.'

'What's that?'

'Nothing - just part of a muggle game I used to play with my mum … well,' he snapped his book closed. 'I suppose it would be cruel of me to refuse to come with you - you need me.'

'We do.' He grinned at him - and Remus got off the bed and followed him out of the dorm.

...

The sun was warm - as was the breeze, it tickled their faces and rustled the newly green leaves on the trees and somehow the air just felt … hopeful. Remus took a deep breath, glad they had brought him outside.

'We should have brought something for the squid to eat,' James said, as they reached the lake and started on the path around it. 'What are we going to do - just walking - no monsters...'

'We could go pond dipping,' Peter said, 'there's other stuff in the lake than the squid, we could catch something.'

'What, like a mermaid?' Sirius sounded scornful.

'Well I was thinking more like a Grindylow or a toad or something.'

'What would we do with a toad?'

'I don't know - we'd just … have it!'

Remus let Sirius and Peter's bickering wash over him - and tuned them out. He was far too used to it to be interested in what they were actually arguing about. They were always just arguing for the sake of arguing. He bent down, picked up a smooth pebble, rubbed it between his fingers and then - with a flick of his wrist - skimmed it across the lake. It bounced five times and passed the centre before it sank beneath the surface.

He became aware of the others staring at him. 'What?'

'What did you just do?' James asked him.

'Er - I skimmed a stone.'

'But it … it … bounced! It was like … magic!'

'Well - it wasn't.'

'How did you do it?'

He looked around at their suddenly impressed and eager faces, and shook his head. Purebloods! Honestly. He picked up another pebble and felt its smoothness. 'You've got to pick the right stone,' he said, 'and then you just…' he flicked his wrist again, the pebble shot off bouncing away across the water.

'Cool!' James' face was shining. 'Here - let me try.' He picked a stone up - held it out for Remus to inspect and, once Remus had agreed it was a good skimmer, he threw it as hard as he could.

Splash! It plummeted beneath the surface and sank like a ... stone. 'What did I do wrong?'

'Everything. Here. Watch.' He selected himself another stone that looked good for skimming and held it gripped in his thumb and middle finger - and showed them. Then he stood sidewards on, flicked his wrist, released the stone and watched it skip across the surface of the lake. 'It's all in the wrist action.'

The other three boys all picked up their own stones - dutifully copied what he had done … and had no success.

Remus rolled his eyes, 'here - come here.' He stood behind Sirius, put his hand around the other boy's wrist and then dragged his arm back and told him when to let go. It skipped a couple of times before sinking.

'I think I've got it now.'

Remus moved on to James. Sirius proved the easiest to teach. He had just stood there and let Remus manipulate him, while James was all enthusiasm and elbows and Peter lacked strength and self confidence… But after about half an hour he had them all able to skim a stone at least a couple of times.

'Where did you learn this?' James asked - his face glowing as he skipped the rock his furthest yet.

'From my mum.'

Sirius snorted. 'The only thing my mum ever tried to teach me was French. She doesn't even speak French! Still walloped me with a broom when I couldn't count to ten though.'

'I didn't know you could count to ten in English,' Remus said mildly. Sirius barged him with his shoulder, the pebble slipped from Remus's hand and - for once - it failed to dance on the water.

'Alright - time for a competition,' James announced. 'Gentlemen, choose your stones.' They all picked one up, arranged themselves on the path and then - on the count of three - released them. Of course Remus's outstripped the rest by about 6 skips.

James watched his own sink, looking gloomy, then he looked up - his face lit up again. 'Best of three.'

They all rolled their eyes at that, but did as they were told … Remus won again. 'Do we have to keep going?' he asked.

'I'll beat you one day,' James told him.

'No you won't.'

'We'll see ...come on let's go do another competition.'

'What are we gonna do?' Sirius asked.

'Well we haven't…' his eyes flicked meaningfully down towards all their flies, 'in a long time. Just everyone keep your eyes peeled for Big Macca.' And they all hurried off to a secluded wall of the castle and - on the count of three - had a competition to see who could aim the highest … Remus won again - by about six inches.

…

He lay in his bed, that night, staring up at his canopy. It had been a good day and, despite tempting fate, they had not got caught with their todgers out. And he had been … happy. As happy as he could be with the aching void in his chest. But more than once he had forgotten the void was there, and just had fun. Now he was alone, though, the void was back in full force. His heart was hurting and empty and he was once again trying not to cry.

And then he heard the familiar pitter patter of feet on stone floors, and he smiled to himself and shifted over - knowing he was about to experience another invasion from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

Sure enough, Sirius appeared through the curtains and scrambled under the covers. 'I knew you weren't sleeping,' he said without any preamble.

'How?'

'You weren't snoring.'

'I don't snore.'

'Remus, you always snore.'

'I resent that.' They giggled and shoulder barged each other.

'So … how are you doing?' Sirius asked after a moment. His voice had become tentative.

Remus sighed. 'I'm alright … I'll be alright.'

'I know you will. It will get easier.'

'Yeah - it's just …'

'What?'

'I'm not sure I want it to,' he admitted. 'I know it sounds stupid. I hate feeling this way but … if I start to feel better, If I go back to normal … then I'm moving on without her. Leaving her behind. And I'm not ready.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Thanks.'

'Do you think they'll make allowances for you in your exams?'

'They better bloody had! I've missed loads of school.'

'Yeah - you know James used to think…' he blushed and shook his head, 'nah - doesn't matter. You'll be fine in the tests. It's Pete I'm worried about … or, you know, not that worried about - but not convinced he'll get through.'

'He'll be fine. We'll get him through. Anyway - I heard it turns out he has quite the knack for making things explode. That must take some power … he just lacks confidence.'

Sirius snorted. 'Stupid git. Basic freezing charm and he blows a dirty, great crater in the middle of the lawn and nearly gets me expelled in the process.'

Remus bit back a laugh. 'I once nearly set fire to the whole lawn,' he remembered. 'In our first week. I thought I was gonna burn down the whole forest - I thought they'd have chucked me out before I'd even had a Monday in school. I got it under control though.'

'Well - Peter had better get himself under control, if he doesn't want to end up blowing himself up for real one day. Hey - wouldn't it be amazing if the Slytherins all failed their exams and got the boot?'

'It seems unlikely.'

'Imagine - a Slytherin free school!'

'You'd hate it - you'd have no one to fight.'

'I'd fight Peter.'

'Oh that would just be one sided and cruel. Snape's a much better target. He can take care of himself.'

'Slimy, foul git.'

'That about sums him up, yes,' Remus agreed, nodding his head. 'Er - Sirius…' his voice had become a little timid. 'What are you going to do about Regulus's Hogwarts letter?'

'Oh … nothing.'

'But - '

'I told you. Reg is a wizard - no doubt about it. And my family, they're not like your nice, quiet family living quietly in the Welsh countryside with no power and influence. They're the biggest bastards on the block. My mum will drag Dumbledore into our house by his beard and force him to accept Reg … which to be fair, he will - because Reg is a wizard. It'll be … a minor inconvenience. Nothing more. But it'll give me some amusement over the summer.'

'So … you're not going to tell what you did?'

'What - so Reg can get accepted and I can get chucked out? Don't be soft! I don't want to stop Reg coming to school but - if it's a choice between me and him…'

Remus stared at him in amusement. 'You're a bad person, Sirius Black.'

But Sirius only grinned. 'That's how you love me.'

'Get out - I'm off to sleep now.' And, grinning, he shoved the other boy from his bed and settled back down.

…

The next day, they came down into the common room to discover that the exam timetable had been pinned to the noticeboard - and everyone was clustered around it, writing down the dates for their own exams.

'I don't get it,' Remus heard Tobias Winchester - from third year - complain. 'How come the first years don't start theirs' until two days later than everyone else? We didn't get two days extra when it was our first time…'

Sure enough - when the boys shoved their way to the front, it was to find that - while the rest of the school were starting their exams on Monday the 29th of May - the first years didn't start until the Wednesday.

'Why do you think that is?' Sirius asked.

But James only shrugged, 'don't look a gift hippocampus in the mouth, mate.'

Remus said nothing … but he felt a stab of gratitude towards Professor McGonagall for drawing the timetable up this way. Sunday the 28th would be the full moon - and he was sure she had delayed the start of his whole years' exams just to give him time to recover.

That full moon would also mark a month exactly since his mum had died … all alone - because his dad was too busy checking on the monster in the basement … on him - to be with her at the end. The feeling of gratitude died, to be replaced by one of overwhelming grief and guilt - and he slunk off quietly to be by himself.

Though he didn't have much time to be alone and brood. The bell rang, the day's lessons began - and ground on and on - and the work came flying at them thick and fast.

It was sweltering in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, where they spent the lesson going over their old notes and practising the few defensive charms they had learned (though a close eye was kept of Peter when he attempted to freeze something.) The heat of their day made them all feel slow and stupid and more than a little sweaty.

Even Professor Tenebris was looking wistfully out of the window. 'Two more years,' she murmured to herself.

'What's that, Professor Tenebris?' Lily asked her.

The old teacher smiled, her face wrinkling into cobwebs. 'I always said I'd retire at 95 - and that's two years away. I'm starting to count the days.'

'You're 93 , Professor?' James sounded shocked.

She laughed. 'Hard to tell just by looking at me, I know - you're too kind, Potter.' She winked at him. 'But - it's true - this youthful visage is a mere facade. I'm nearing a hundred, and it's time to slow down. But not quite yet… I'll have been here 27 years in September … it's time to be moving on.'

'Why did you start here, then - Professor?'

'The old teacher retired - they needed someone new. And I was 65 ... Vampire hunting is a young woman's game and I didn't want to get stuck behind a desk filing reports on what the active field wizards were up to. It was time for a change … soon it will be time for another. A change is as good as a rest, as they say - and retirement will be both.'

'Won't you be bored?' Sirius asked.

She gave him a stern look. 'Young man, only boring people get bored.'

Remus smiled to himself - and leaned over to whisper to Sirius: 'that's what my mum always said!'

'And it's still the stupidest thing I ever heard! I'm always bored.'

'Well, what does that tell you?'

'That you pay too much attention to women who say stupid things.'

Remus kicked him under the desk.

'Ow!'

…

Professor McGonagall gave them no time to look out of the window. She spent the lesson going over previous years' exam papers and firing questions at anyone who looked like they were not paying enough attention. Points were removed from Gryffindor for every wrong answer.

'I swear, she wants us to finish last in the cup,' James moaned at the back, as she took five points from Peter - for not being able to remember the correct wand movement for a simple Switching Spell.

McGonagall heard him (of course she did). 'I will remind you, Potter,' she said sharply, 'that it was not me who lost 200 points for Gryffindor in one night - and that when we do inevitably finish bottom in the cup, the whole house will know exactly which two knuckleheads to blame it on.'

Both James and Sirius glowered mutinously. They were all grateful to escape when the bell rang.

…

The girls were all giggly again when they lined up outside Charms, and James rolled his eyes. 'Alright what lame thing are they planning to do now?' he asked.

They found out when they went inside, and Flitwick squeaked at them to take their seats. He climbed up onto his pile of books so he could see over his desk and - just as he opened his mouth to speak - a large, pink, opaque bubble - the size of his head - floated down in front of him and hovered right in front of his face, blocking him from view.

He popped it with his wand … started to speak again - and the same thing happened. He popped it again.

'As I was saying…' another bubble drifted down and hung in the air so he could no longer see the class - and the class could no longer see him. 'Oh now, really,' he sounded irritated - and popped it again.

It happened one more time … and looking quite cross, he jabbed at the bubble very hard with the tip of his wand - exploding it with a bang.

The next bubble drifted from the ceiling - this time blocking James from view. 'Hey!' he peered around it, 'Sir!'

'Just pop it, Potter.'

The next one blocked out Remus. And then Petra, and then Lily, and then Sirius … until all the children had had their lesson disturbed and were getting giggly - as Flitwick got more and more annoyed. And then the bubbles went back to blocking the teacher.

'Enough!' he cried, popping the final bubble angrily. 'If I find out who is doing this…' another bubble drifted down. 'One more and I will put the whole class in detention!' They all sniggered, but the bubbles came to a stop … although the bell rang not ten minutes later.

Flitwick gave them extra homework to make up for the amount of time they had wasted, telling them they would be revising conjuring flames the next lesson and they must come prepared. James swore under his breath. 'Stupid girls!' he hissed. 'They're lousy at pranks! And they got us more work!'

'It was clever of them to make sure they got affected too, though,' said Remus. 'That's where you went wrong with the whole pumpkin head fiasco - made it obvious who was behind it.'

'Huh - well - I'll show them how to prank!'

'Not again,' Sirius groaned, putting his head in his hands.

…

But James was determined … and the night before their next Charms lesson, he disappeared somewhere by himself under his invisibility cloak - his box of Dr. Filibuster's Indoor Fireworks under his arm.

'He's going to get himself expelled, isn't he?' Remus said.

'Yep.' Sirius looked gloomy. 'Just as long as he doesn't take me down with him.'

The next day, they all took their seats in Charms class and took out their wands. 'What's this on the desk?' Lily asked, frowning, as she dipped her fingers in some kind of black powder. 'It's on yours too - Petra.'

Up at the front, Flitwick was also frowning as he touched whatever the soot was that coated his desk and examined his fingers. Then he shrugged and said, 'alright everybody - point wands and - on the count of three …'

They all cried 'incendio'. Flames shot out of their wands … and Lily's and Petra's and Flitwick's desks exploded in a conflagration of red hot fire. The flames leapt two feet into the air … Flitwick toppled off his books. Petra and Lily both pushed their chair's back as far as they could … but it was too late - their eyebrows were gone.

'Aguamenti,' Flitwick cried out, using the water summoning charm to douse the flames. He was breathing very heavily when he was finished.

…

Well - it was obvious from James' face that he was to blame!

Remus wrote to his dad that night, in the owlery.

He just looked guilty … and Lily looked so strange with no eyebrows that he couldn't stop laughing at her. Her and Petra had to go to the hospital wing to get Madam Pomfrey to grow them back. James got a week's worth of detention - no more than he deserves! And I expect the whole lot of us will be back in coventry. Though Sirius, Pete and I had nothing to do with it - he used the powder from his fireworks set and put it right where they would conjure the flames. We didn't know what he was planning.

I wish I could tell mum all this. The girls get their ideas for pranks from the books she used to read as a girl and I think she'd like to hear that boarding school is everything she hoped it would be when she was little. Hogwarts is everything I hoped it would be!

I'm having fun, dad - you were right to make me come back. The exams will be soon - and it's good to keep busy and have other things to think about, and the boys make me laugh. But I don't like the thought of you being home alone, and I don't like the thought of coming home for the summer and mum not being there.

I still miss her so much.

But I'm trying to be happy - just like she told me to. I am. We have to do her proud - you said - and that's what I'm trying to do.

It's the full moon at the weekend - and I'm all achy … but Professor McGonagall has delayed the start of our exams (though no one else knows why) so I should have fully recovered before I have to sit them.

I'll write next week and let you know how they're going!

Lots of Love, Remus

…

He returned to the common room to find that Lily was taking advantage of having her eyebrows grown back by using them to pull the most alarming faces as she screamed at James.

'You absolute idiot! It could have been so much worse! Oh - I don't understand why they don't just kick you out - you're nothing but a nuisance.'

'It was a laugh!' James yelled back.

'Oh yeah - it's always a laugh when it's not you getting hurt. You dole it out - but you can't take it.'

'That's not true!'

'Yes it is - you're a foul, little bully - who hurts people and then cries to mummy when they retaliate.'

'You're one to talk - I'm not the one yelling my head off just because my eyebrows got singed!'

'You could have really hurt me and Petra!'

'But I didn't - and I got detention. You got away with your prank … again. Rampant favouritism.'

' You don't get it do you? My pranks don't hurt anybody - you leave victims behind.'

'Oh come off it - victims - you're just sore because I'm better at pranking than you. You're absolutely rubbish at it.'

She pulled herself up to her full height. 'Is that what you think?' she asked, her tone was dangerous. 'Well - we'll see about that.' She stormed away … And with that, The Great Pranking War of 1972 had begun.