CHAPTER 11
Our arrival in the eastern Mountain Village coincided with the end of my tale and the rushed explanation of where we came from for our passenger's benefit. Da Vinci maneuvered the Swagmobile closer, the first light of the morning appearing in the sky as we caught sight of the village for the first time. It was a bustling maze of crude houses thatched with straw and nestled on the mountains' ridges, making it an excellent natural fortress if I ever saw one. A ring of hard-faced, armed Ghazis welcomed us, no doubt their militia, and opened a circle around the Swagmobile as it landed.
One of them stepped forward. Taller than the villagers by a considerable amount, Hassan of the Cursed Arm cut a gaunt figure with his skull mask, lanky body, and pitch-black skin. The Shaitan bound in his arm revealed himself as I activated my X-Ray vision, a living, barely contained whirlwind of malice.
Cursed Arm was flanked by Arash, who was smaller but considerably stockier and had a boyish air around him, standing with his bow held lazily in one hand. Their cautiousness turned into alarm when they caught sight of Serenity, still sleeping in Sanzang's arms, and the wounded Hundred Faces. Hassan started barking orders to his people to bring them to the healers, after which he rounded on us.
They wanted to know what had happened. In detail.
I honestly didn't have the energy for that bullshit, so I tried to tell them just the bare bones as we unloaded the Swagmobile. In other words, I told them that yes, we were allies, and yes, we had helped this lot escape and fought the knights, at which point I damned their eyes for a bunch of pox-ridden English swines for good measure.
Sanzang, in a most unenlightened way, if you ask me, decided that was a good moment to explain that the fight had been only I versus all three of them knights, Agravain, Tristan, and Mordred.
This last revelation caused a lot of consternation.
Whatever. It seemed like high time to make it not my problem, so I shoved a confused Bedivere forward as my designated spokesperson and declared that I'd be delighted to show them exactly how I contested the Knights of the Round Table after a catnap. I shouted goodnight over my shoulder, quickly grabbed Gudako, Mash, Da Vinci, and Cortana, and promptly fucked off to my Pocket Apartment.
Sanzang decided to stay behind and meditate, still shaken by the death of her disciple, while Bedivere had things to talk about with Arash. Gabrielle made up for them in enthusiasm; she was beyond herself and skipping with glee at being able to visit Actually Hell.
That glee drained right away as she discovered that instead of fire and brimstone, we had a doormat (which, funnily enough, said abandon all hope, ye who enter here — and your shoes) and a small, potted sunflower. One which Cortana had brought home from somewhere and named Better James.
The joke was on her, though. Better James and I quickly became sunbros.
A thought about organizing the sleeping arrangements crossed my mind, but I decided that God — or Cortana, who was closer at hand and probably more efficient — could sort them all out, plopped on the sofa and, as Fou jumped on my chest, tried to catch a nap.
Hopefully, the world would manage well enough alone while I slept.
Something about getting superpowers most people don't think about: the collaterals. After getting mine for the first few days, I couldn't manage to catch a wink of sleep. There was something to be said about the experience of closing your eyes and accidentally looking through your eyelids and the overwhelming amount of information from my enhanced senses coming nonstop. That's something that took a lot of time learning to control.
The thing was that since I became a Kryptonian, my biology turned bloody weird. I didn't need to eat or sleep, and with Environmental Defense, I didn't even need to breathe if I didn't want to. Bloody hell, after getting Inexhaustible, I don't need to stop.
But I still liked to. You couldn't wipe years of being an average human with a finger snap.
The sight I woke up to was proof enough I was right to do that.
Cortana had, at some point during the night, managed to find a blanket and snuggle with me on the couch. Even better, at the moment, she had my pants off and was busy making waves of pleasure through me with every movement of her head, bobbing with a will under the blanket.
"Fuck, that's good," I managed to say through gritted teeth, watching through the blanket the spectacle of Cortana taking me in her mouth, her cheeks hollowed as she sucked and licked. I ran my hand through her ashen air, matted to her flushed face by sweat. Her breasts were closer to slipping from her thin nightgown with each movement, with one of the thin straps already undone. "Don't stop!"
She answered by redoubling her efforts and raking her nails on my thigh.
I closed a fist and bit on it as Cortana somehow increased her tempo, my back arching as she gave a long lick, from base to apex, and sucked, the only hand she had free — the other one making wet, squelching sounds under her pajamas shorts — caressing my balls. She must've begun a good time ago, as even being superhuman, I didn't last much longer before I came undone and climaxed in her mouth.
She shoved her head forward until her nose touched my pelvis and kept milking me for all its worth.
"Fuck!" I hissed, my hips buckling until I finally spent myself.
Cortana gave my shaft a final lick and came up slowly, her hand worming under my shirt, and as she got eye-level with me, the smell of sweat and sex came with her. Her eyes were glowing, and her pale skin was red down to her enticing cleavage as she wiped the corner of her mouth with a dainty finger and sucked on it.
"You wanna kill me, woman?" I asked and started to trace a line down her spine.
Cortana smiled. "I thought my conquering hero deserved a reward," she said, the contralto of her voice husky with emotion, and gave me a deep kiss — the fact I could taste myself on her only spurring me further. I pulled the hem and put my hands under her nightgown, up from her waist, until I caressed the underside of her breasts with featherlight touches. Cortana repositioned herself, one of my legs between hers, grinding on me and making me feel her wetness. She wasn't wearing panties.
Bloody hell, that's enough of an invitation, I thought as Cortana abandoned my mouth and trailed a line of kisses on my jawline until reaching my ear and whispered, "Off with the shirt."
I grabbed hold of my collar and ripped the shirt off. Because, well, duh.
Cortana shivered as I trailed my nails lightly on the sides of her breasts for a moment and grabbed them fully, their perkiness betraying how soft they were. Cortana bit her lower lip, closing her eyes for a second as I pinched her nipples and kissed her neck, down to where I caught the sole remaining strap holding her nightgown with my teeth.
Cortana gave a breathy moan and helped me, shrugging the strap off. She leaned back and took the nightgown off above her head. I trailed my hands down to her ribs and took a second to admire her magnificent breasts, heaving most enticingly as she shook her head to free her hair. Pale and capped with already hardened, soft pink nipples that seemed to beg for more of my attention.
My mouth salivated, and I went to put action to the feeling —
"Satan, we need to contact Chaldea right now!" Gabrielle yelled and slammed the door to her room open, standing with a hand on her waist and one of my shirts, which showed her long legs. Her eyes bulged at the sight that welcomed her, and her jaw went slack. For a second, we stood silently, which lasted until Mash followed Gabrielle out of the room.
"Eep!" Mash, back into her Servant outfit and clearly ready to go out and about, let out a squeak, blushing to an alarming degree and almost teleporting back to her room.
Gabrielle, showing a remarkable presence of spirit, didn't follow.
"I understand why people get into satanic cults now," Gabrielle said slowly.
I started to answer as Mash appeared again, still doing her best impression of a tomato with her eyes screwed shut, and pulled Gabrielle by the arm back to their room before she could protest.
"Wait, I want to keep—"
The door closed with a snap after them.
I exchanged a bewildered look with Cortana.
"Should we continue?" I chanced, pulling Cortana tighter against me as she squirmed.
"Please do," Da Vinci answered. "It was illuminating."
"Thanks, Da Vinci-chan, I meant — hey!"
Da Vinci was sitting at the kitchen table and sipping from a steaming teacup, with her legs crossed and eyeglasses on, looking pretty pleased with herself. In my defense, she was a Servant, and astralization was a thing. I also was a bit busy, and when you have super senses, you need to be able to block things out.
"Since when were you there?" Cortana asked.
"A fair bit," Da Vinci admitted. "Why, I was even thinking about taking a closer look. Just for science, you understand~"
"Really?!" I blurted out as Cortana slammed her head against my chest and a part of my anatomy twitched. Cortana made a muffled noise, busy hiding from the world under the blanket, although I noticed that it wasn't a noise of protest. "I mean, well, that's nice to know, next time feel free to science away; or well," I motioned to myself and Cortana. "Research anatomy, maybe? Wink wink, nudge nudge?"
"That seems to be a most promising avenue of research indeed and I'll be sure to consider it with utmost care," Da Vinci said, finishing her coffee, slowly as you please, and went to her bedroom with a distinct sway on her hips. She paused at the doorway and looked at us over her shoulder. "And Master?"
"Yes?"
She gave me a saucy wink. "Just so you know, the other class I can be summoned in is Rider~"
Da Vinci then closed the door behind herself, leaving me gaping gormlessly.
I nudged Cortana. "I'm on drugs or did that really happen?"
"Crapbaskets," Cortana said, raising herself on her elbows and looking as shocked as I was. Cortana's cheeks were red, but she had a gleam in her eyes and bit her lower lip as she looked to where Da Vinci went. "That was damn hot."
"Took the words right off my mouth, Cortana dear," I said and decided to focus on better pursuits as I started kissing her neck again. "You know what they say; third time's the charm."
It wasn't to be. Cortana extricated herself from me even as I tried to tease her into more. She explained she didn't feel comfortable going at it right here, where Mash, sweet innocent Mash, could hear — no mention of Da Vinci or even Gabrielle. Even telling her that, as I understood it, Gabrielle had what remained of Mash's innocence well in hand (and probably mouth) didn't bore fruit.
Them the rocks, I thought, and went to hopefully drown myself in the shower.
A cold one.
All in all, it took some fifteen minutes for everyone to gather together around Mash's shield as a bunch of thieves. Mash blushed every time she looked at Cortana or me through the corner of her eyes, while Da Vinci seemed to find it all incredibly funny. Cortana, apparently taking the executive decision of acting like the last hour hadn't happened at all, was busying herself by making coffee for us.
I coughed. "So, Gabrielle, weren't you going to contact Chaldea?"
"Sure thing," Gabrielle said in a monotone, still staring at me unblinkingly. "I'm going to get right at it, very soon. Very, very, soon, why, I'm positively giddy about it."
Mash elbowed her on the side. "Senpai…"
"Don't do that," Gabrielle jolted away. "Bad eggplant! You have bony elbows!"
"Senpai."
"Fine, don't let me have any fun, would you?" Gabrielle sighed and then touched the shield. "Weird enough, we generally need a Ley Line to establish the connection, but this place seems to be enough."
Da Vinci beamed. "Of course it is, it's a demiplane connected to what's basically an endless source of energy! Oh, what marvels will I create when I finally have time to study it in detail, my mind's already bursting with excitement —"
I interrupted her, not wanting to hear anyone talking about excitement after getting blue balled so rudely. "Let's say we have a Jimmy Squiggle here and be done with it, 'kay?"
Da Vinci sniffed haughtily, but Cortana heroically defused the oncoming rant by trusting a cup of coffee to her, which Da Vinci cradled like a newborn. "Be this way then. Killjoy."
Mash, showing rare common sense and deciding that enough was enough, activated the shield without saying anything more — the connection snapped in place within me. The apartment wobbled, allowing us to taste the number eighteen for a second before it went back to normal, and a hologram popped above the shield.
"Is this on?" Doctor Romani yelled, looking like the devil's own workaholic. "Hello?!"
"Hey Romani!" Gabrielle said with a wave.
"Gabrielle, Mash!" Romani said, falling back to his chair and sagging with relief. "Goodness, last night all of your readings just up and disappeared from our scanners and — wait," he leaned forward, obviously reading something we couldn't see as his eyebrows climbed to his hairline. "It can't be right. MNEMOSYNE says that you aren't even in the Singularity anymore!"
"Of course not. We are in hell!" Gabrielle said.
"Senpai, repeat with me again: James is not the devil." Mash said slowly, letting out a long-suffering sigh and glanced at me. "In fact, James feels a great deal like dad, but more, how do I explain it…"
"Manly? Less French?" I asked.
"Sunnier," Mash completed, making me deflate at my lack of badassness.
"James? Who's James?" Romani said and looked around. He finally noticed he had an audience and zeroed on me, just as Cortana leaned on my chair. "Incredible, those readings don't make sense. They say you're simultaneously Lancelot, an unknown Servant, and something more, while the young woman near you isn't human either. Then there's…" He trailed off as he caught sight of Da Vinci.
She slammed the butt of her scepter on the ground. "Me! The Multiversal, Multitalented, Omnipotent —"
Roman got shoved away from the hologram to make way, and the same voice continued flawlessly. "Genius Servant with the eternal smile of Mona Lisa, Da Vinci-chan!"
There was a beat of silence while the two mirror images looked at each other, one with us in the apartment and the other as a diffuse blue hologram from Chaldea. Gabrielle giggled at once, muttering something about an overflowing of ara-ara energy.
"My, I'm truly perfection incarnate, am I not?" our Da Vinci said, flicking her hair over her shoulder — the light caught on it, making red highlights appear between its mahogany color.
"Of course. As artists, we'd accept nothing less." Chaldean Da Vinci — fuck it, Caster, agreed.
"How?" Romani said, shouldering his way back into focus. "Seriously. How?"
"That's something I'd also want to know," Mash said, still gaping at the twins.
Caster put her hands on her waist. "Well, it seems like I must tell my riveting tale again! As I explained to you, after dying to that horrible blonde, I couldn't go back to Chaldea and languished in the void. Which, I'll have you know, isn't a place for one such as I," she shook her head. "However, someone intervened. They offered to let me go back to Chaldea and get help for you two, but in exchange…" Caster let out a dramatic breath and gestured to her body. "I had to offer my gorgeous, perfect body in what was a textbook deal with the devil."
"Actually Satan, if you please," I added helpfully, and Caster stared at me. Then down at my bare chest, because I decided that going half-naked from the shower would land me the most amusement, and at my face again.
Caster turned to Da Vinci. "That's the one?"
Da Vinci nodded, looking very smug. "That's my master alright~"
"You lucky —" Caster closed her mouth with a snap and looked skyward. Her smile looked strained as she continued, "Okay, let me continue, some incarnations of mine being ridiculously, absurdly lucky notwithstanding, I basically signed over the rights to summon new versions of myself to them. In exchange for the hunk — I mean, James, help and to be sent back to Chaldea."
"Which is where I enter the picture," Da Vinci continued. "As you must have already understood, I'm not the Da Vinci you know from Chaldea; her memories are here, some of them, but muted. Faded. It feels like I am watching a movie instead of living it. I know of all of you, but… well. I'm only me," she shrugged and returned to her normal behavior. "The best thing to be."
I grabbed her hand under the desk, giving her a comforting squeeze as Cortana left my side to be with her.
"Let's get back to the point. Please, before I have a heart attack," Romani said, looking done. "So, James, Satan, whoever you are, could you tell us about yourself and what are you doing here? Or, you know, anything to make sense of why my computers are telling me you're a walking nuclear reactor in human form and Sir Lancelot at the same time?!"
Ignoring how his words turned into a strangled groan by the end, I decided to be direct.
"That's obvious: I'm an alien."
Romani pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course you are. I mean, why not? Da Vinci apparently can multiply by mitosis now." He sighed as Caster patted his shoulder. "I miss our usual brand of crazy, I really do."
"If you are an alien, what about your aura?" Mash asked me.
"Basically, I'm an alien and got empowered by some mumbo jumbo that took the basis from Lancelot's Saint Graph, giving me some abilities like his and, apparently, a similar aura. Maybe the right to get alimony with it." I smiled and patted her on the head. "So you can call me onii-sama, alright?"
Mash blushed scarlet and hid her face behind her hands.
"The bible lied to us," Gabrielle muttered, looking singularly lost. "All my dreams, gone, like tears in the rain."
"But lemme tell you, wincest is still the best," I said offhandedly, making Gabrielle perk up and Mash gape until I picked one carton of Wincesties from my pocket and waved it at them. "This brand, I mean. It's called Wincesties." I gave Gabrielle an amused look. "What did you think I was talking about?"
I had to bite my lower lip to not snicker at Gabrielle, who seemed fit to spit fire at me.
"Anyway." Cortana decided to take the command of the meeting, speaking in tones that broke no complaint, "My name is Cortana, and we three make a team that's sent into situations like those, which are capable of threatening the multiverse at large, so we can straighten them up."
"Why haven't you interfered in the other Singularities then?" Romani asked.
"Because they didn't threaten the multiverse," I said. "The Lion King's plan is to archive a number of humans inside her lance, Rhongomyniad — which, by the way, is also the entirety of what you think of as Camelot. Architecture these days, eh?" I shook my head. "But all in all, you lot would be capable of solving this alone well enough, but this specific version of the Lion King defeated Morgan and made her part of Rhongo Bongo. Morgan is ridiculously powerful, has deep ties with Avalon, and her speciality in magecraft is Transferring power. Hence…"
"If she manages it, everything ends. This Singularity is already escaping from Proper Human History, but if the Lion King will be able to use the lance to punch a hole into reality and reach another…" Caster elaborated as Roman looked as if he had seen a ghost. "That'll be it."
Understandably so, because while he had his ace in the hole against Goetia, he didn't have one against this clusterfuck.
Da Vinci added as her grip on my hand became tighter, "That's the best of cases; it may explode or do something unspeakable. You understand? It's not just the Singularity and us; if she does it, we all lose."
Gabrielle surprised me. Instead of getting shaken or fearful, she set her jaw tight and straightened her posture, looking every inch like the Last Master of Chaldea. "This is bigger than everything before. Bigger than a Singularity and bigger than Solomon," she said, letting Mash hold her as a lifeline, and looked right at my eyes — her own blazing with determination. "Fuck that noise. How do we win?"
Suddenly, it was all too easy to see why so many heroes decided to follow her into battle.
"We have a plan," Cortana said, crossing her arms under her bust. "First, we'll need to talk with Bedivere, Sanzang, and the Hassans. Oh, and find a way to contact Lancelot." She turned to me, and her smile was all teeth. "Then you'll need to take a loan."
We said our goodbyes to Caster and Romani, who were already planning how to better use Chaldea's resources to help us, and hurried off from the Pocket Apartment. The folks milling around the village were shocked by seeing us stepping from a glowing portal, but we paid them no heed.
"It'd be a problem if we go see Rushd first?" Mash said, hand in hand with Gabrielle. "We wanted to see if he was okay, if it's no inconvenience…?"
I waved airily. "Nah, off you go, and bring Cortana and Da Vinci with you too."
There was no need to explain to Cortana and Da Vinci that I wanted them to take a look around the village and gauge the morale around there; Cortana knew me enough to understand the meaning, and Da Vinci was smart enough to cotton on. A telepathic explanation also didn't hurt.
After stopping to look at the spectacle they made going away, I took a deep breath and let my senses expand fully — taking stock of the village and much more. Heartbeats like drums and the rush of blood through uncountable veins, people talking about every subject under the sun, and a man sharpening his scimitar, particles of steel floating up in the air after each run of his whetstone.
The village was bigger than I thought, full of people and feeling alive. The sound of chickens and camels and ants, their little feet sounding like the thumping of hammers, interspersed with kids laughing while terrorizing the animals, doing a merry riot around the streets. Two men were training together, one of them with a half-healed fracture on his left femur, which sounded like rusty hinges as he moved.
There was all that and more. Infrared radiation danced before my eyes while heat rose from the ground in shimmering waves, and the residual cosmic radiation bathed the world. Minuscule, twinkling stars of unnamed hues streaking down from the cosmos in a dance as old as time. I had senses I couldn't even name: particles that superpositioned themselves and a faint glow around people, which I thought as life itself, and it was so beautiful —
If one doesn't learn how to ignore, filter, and control it, they'll go mad quickly.
Finding Sanzang and Bedivere after this was a piece of cake. In fact, I didn't notice I was going to them until I was there, a Wincesties cigarette lit between my lips. I found both of them talking with Arash, sitting on an outcrop and displaying an easy camaraderie that spoke of people that just clicked.
"Hullo, all," I called, and they turned to me.
"Sir James, a pleasure to see you again," Bedivere greeted me while Sanzang and Arash waved. "We were exchanging stories together."
"It's fascinating! Sanzang was just talking about her voyages around the world." Arash laughed, and his joyful nature made his laughter infectious. I'd bet he was capable of turning any somber mood a great deal lighter just by his presence. "Those were fun!"
I raised an eyebrow. "Did she, now?"
"Yes! I was just telling them about when Sun seduced the goddess of the Fire Mountain and then called her a hussy while running away," Sanzang said, shaking her head with exasperation."You can bet I gave him a good whack or two for being discourteous!"
I laughed and gave her a genuine smile. "I'm glad to see you're better now, Sanzang."
Sanzang didn't answer at once, closing her eyes for a moment as a wistful smile appeared on her face. "I needed time to come to terms with what happened — monk or not, I'm still human inside, and…" She shrugged. "Anyway, I just needed time. I'm all better now, though!"
"I don't doubt that," I said, letting out a plume of smoke. "While you controlled yourself last night masterfully, I knew at once you weren't well; your heartbeat never missed a beat, but I could smell how strained your mood was."
"Smell?" Sanzang exclaimed and rounded on our companions. "Arash! Bedivere! Do I smell?!"
Arash showed a great understanding of the situation by positioning Bedivere between him and Sanzang, who grabbed Bedivere by his cloak and took a sniff from her own armpits. Poor Bedivere looked right mortified, and his gaze darted to me.
I decided to save the poor fellow and raised my hands in surrender to Sanzang. "Don't take it the wrong way; I have enhanced senses — I can hear your heartbeats, and I know Arash sometimes indulges in pipe-smoking, for example, maybe two days ago?"
Arash let out a whistle. "Impressive. You must be damned good at the cards."
Righteous he could be, but that didn't mean dull, as Arash showed he was already planning to put me into play against his fellows. I decided right there I liked him, and the intelligence behind his eyes told me to be hella sure to settle my cut of the profits beforehand.
"Is that just you being weird then? Excellent!" Sanzang let Bedivere go and pumped her fist.
"Anyway, Cortana asked me to find you lot," I told them. "Some team planning or whatever."
"Actually, if it isn't urgent, Cursed Arm asked me to bring you to him when I caught sight of you," Arash said, a ghost of a smile still on his face. I weighed the pros and cons for a second and shrugged. "Awesome, let me show you the village while we find your companions."
"Lead the way then," I said, taking a drag from the cigarette, and followed him deeper inside the village. Arash turned out to be an excellent guide, showing us where the men liked to play games, train, and the places to avoid if you don't want to have that old harpy Simah haranguing you about your clothes.
We found the rest of the group while he showed us where the children liked to play; they crowded around a little kid who kept talking endlessly — the Rushd boy, probably. The world had done him a wrong turn, and I felt for him, but I saw something in his eyes when he hugged Da Vinci, snuggling his face deep within her bosom.
That's one to watch, I thought. Rushd had a bit of the same attitude I had as a kid in him, which was alarming by itself. I didn't doubt that if given a chance, in the future, he'd turn into a lunatic or a pimp of rare quality, so I gave him a look to show I was onto him.
He just smiled and ran away to the other kids. The group rounded up, went to meet Hassan of the Cursed Arm and, on the way, I gave a telepathic nudge to Da Vinci to pull Bedivere and Sanzang to the side and explain what I told Chaldea so they'd know the stakes here.
Arash brought us to one of the bigger houses, with a verandah where some women huddled together, mending torn clothes and talking animatedly. The inside had sparse furniture, dominated by a circular bench and tables around an unlit fire pit, full of ashes and from where wafted the scent of burned fat — it seemed this was the communal house, where they gathered together for warmth on the chillier nights to eat together.
Cursed Arm was there, flanked by Hundred Faces that didn't have a sign of her wounds anymore. There was a spread of food and water on the table before him, with bread, salt, a smattering of vegetables, eggs, and milk. He said to us as we entered, "It's no feast, I understand, but that's all we could get together for now. Sit and eat."
We did as he asked, and I understood that he made it clear that no harm would come to us there by offering bread and salt. I just took a nibble to show I was willing, but Gabrielle went at it with a will, with Mash following behind with as much gusto if more manners.
"We have access to some food," Cortana said, taking a dainty bite of bread. "We'd be more than glad to share with you."
Cursed Arm looked happy for the first time since I first saw him and bowed his head to Cortana, while Arash laughed and shouted, "Bravo! We couldn't ask for more, my friends."
"That's no problem," I said and turned to Cursed Arm. "Arash said you wanted to see us?"
Cursed Arm nodded and started to pace around. "Last night, while the return of Serenity intact brought us much joy, she told a distressing tale — that the knight Agravain managed to extract information about this village from her, in her passed out state. Until now, the Lion King let us be, but I fear it's time long past," he said, his gaze falling on me. "While I don't doubt your valor, James huzoor, you became something of a thorn on her side, one with ties to our village she'll certainly want to see wiped from the map."
"What are you saying?" Gabrielle said, getting to her feet. "If not for Satan —"
"It gets a great bit worse," I interrupted her and motioned to my team. "We came from a place similar to Chaldea and we have some foreknowledge about what will happen. Even without us interfering, there'll be a siege here in a few days."
"It can't be, they're no fools," Hundred Faces interjected, shaking her head. "Sure, they have the superiority in arms and numbers, but they must know this mountain is ours! They'd harass us, for sure, but we would prevail enough to save the people and link with my village."
"Not if they destroy yours too," Da Vinci added.
"In my understanding, if the Lion King moves such an army to be capable of going against two villages simultaneously, it'd be an invitation for the Sun King, her utmost enemy," Bedivere said, narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Counting with me, we have eight warriors there capable of taking on Servants, even ones with the powers of my fallen brothers in arms. Eight, and one," he turned to me, "who seems to have no difficulty with much more."
I felt flattered but had to destroy his hopes. "The Lion King doesn't need to; she can just project her spear down from the sky and be done with it. The only thing stopping her was the reaction from the masses, which doesn't matter much now her work is almost concluded," I raised my finger and brought it down on the table, the thump sounding louder in the silence. "Just like this. Kaboom. That's what she'll do against the western village."
"I think it fits," Sanzang added from where she was crouched down, scratching Fou behind his ears. "I was there in Camelot for a bit; they're ruthless, and the Lion King's inscrutable, but we all saw the devastation her last true attack left behind."
"I must go and evacuate then!" Hundred Faces exclaimed, ready to bolt.
"Wait." Arash raised a hand to stop her and asked me, "You said she'll do it to the western village, but how can we know she won't do that to ours too?"
"Because James is here," Cortana said and got to her feet, her expression calculating. "He beat three of her knights together and can fly. Rhongomyniad is useless when he can just go away as he pleases, which is why I presume she'll try to put her strong players here, bolstered with an army to try and make him stay for us and fight."
"And will he?" Hassan asked, staring at me. I grinned.
Gabrielle seemed fit to explode, but Bedivere was the one that took a step forward. "Sir James has already fought valiantly for us against overwhelming odds, and those didn't bother him. I agree there are many men who would turn craven, but in my honor, I say he is not one of them."
Man, I really needed to do something nice for him. Hassan studied the faces of my companions, and gave his assent. "I didn't mean it as an accusation, but I needed to know."
"No problem," I said, scratching my cheek.
Da Vinci rested her head on her hand. "Elaborating further, the Lion King wouldn't dare to take Gawain from his post, Agravain lost an arm, and my dearest Master apparently decided us ladies weren't enough for him and went to grab the late Tristan's heart. By logic, this army will follow..."
"Mordred," Cortana said, giving Da Vinci a tight smile, and turned to Mash. "Can you tell us how things went when you met Lancelot?"
Mash tilted her head to the side. "It wasn't nice at first. We met in Ozymandias' place and there was something inside me that made me want to fight him…well, now we know what. The king made going against him a test for us, so we did." She shrugged. "He didn't want to fight me, so we talked afterward and Bedivere told us I'm Galahad's Demi-Servant." She gave a warm smile. "It went well after that, I think he isn't so bad for a philanderer."
"He told us about why he decided to leg it from Camelot — something horrible, about the Lion King killing her own sister — and stayed behind as we went to see the place, trying to find some help for us," Gabrielle said. "The golden bastard was too lazy to help us anyway, but Lance said he'd find some support, plus his own soldiers."
"Yes, but do you have a way to contact him?" Cortana prodded.
Gabrielle and Mash exchanged a look, and Gabrielle slumped. "Not really? Sorry?"
"In this, we could help." Arash made himself known. "Lancelot of the Lake has been a friend of the villages. Even without the orders to the Sun King, he sends food and tries to help us however he can. If we put a fast runner on it, we could reach him quickly."
"Excellent," Cortana clapped and gave a resolute nod. "We need to tell him to hurry up here, so he can hit the Lion King's army from the back during their siege. If he does that —"
"No offense, but why should we do as you say?" Hundred Faces interrupted, still tapping her foot impatiently. "We're Hassans, you know?! We know our way around a battlefield, and I never even heard of you before. Why should we be lectured like children?!"
There was a beat of silence as Cortana stiffened. She slowly drew herself to her full height, and her voice was cold and measured as she spoke, "That's correct. You're an assassin, and I don't doubt you're one with superlative ability, but this? This is war, and war is different. See, I was created for it, made to wage war across the stars against creatures and evils you can't even imagine. I've seen the death of planets, weapons capable of ripping reality apart and navies so vast they blotted the stars. Wonders made by races so advanced they were seen as objects of worship," Cortana said and took a step forward, her eyes hard chips of ice. "I saw this and more; I coordinated fights against entire planets, and guess what? We won. You asked why should you listen to me? You'll listen because killing is your business, but make no mistake, war is mine."
She hadn't raised her voice at all, but her words resonated with finality nonetheless. Hundred Faces stared at her and spoke no more. Gabrielle had an expression of wonder, mirrored by Mash, while Da Vinci smiled fondly at the spectacle.
I felt a burst of affection for her. That's my girl.
Cursed Arm let out a tired sigh. "Be that as it may, it'll be a massacre. While Hundred Faces village is situated near caves fit for evacuation, this one here? It's too big and the caves too shallow. Even if James huzoor could fly them away one by one and Lancelot huzoor appears, what then? There would still be an army. Then the trek through the desert, which is a cruel mistress. Children, the infirm, all of them would die."
"They won't," Da Vinci said. "James has access to a small dimension linked to himself, where we went last night. It's cramped, but with the right way, it could be expanded — we'll be taking care of it. In the meanwhile, I will also direct my peerless genius at enhancing your soldiers' weapons and the village itself."
"Wait, he has a whole realm in himself? His realm?!" Sanzang said and looked at me like a snake seeing a juicy rat. "You! You who created a seventh realm without even as by your leave! We'll talk, and after it, you'll be my new disciple and like it."
I shrugged. Honestly, I'd be a fair sight more devout as a teen if the preachers around the street had her assets, so no skin off my teeth.
"While I shall instruct your soldiers in some finer points about warfare," Cortana said. This time, no one complained, and only I knew her enough to see the giddiness hiding behind her words. I felt almost bad for those poor devils who would find that our lovely Cortana had a mean streak a mile wide. "Oh, you can bet on it; I'll have them all in parade soon enough..."
Honestly, I pity them with Drill Sergeant Cortana in their case.
"Seems like we're done," Gabrielle said, stretching like a cat, and caught my eye. "Let's go do something fun, Satan —"
Cursed Arm raised a hand to interrupt her. "A moment, Chaldeans. There's still the matter of Rhongomyniad being brought down on us, what then?"
Da Vinci got to her feet, with her hands on her waist and smiling widely. "Leave it to me! No lance is opponent enough when I, the magnificent Da Vinci-chan, am on the case. My dearest Master shall also help, and between us, that's no problem!"
"Much of his plan hinges on James being able to do many difficult things." Cursed Arm studied me carefully, probably considering if he could trust me to not leg it during the fight. "What shall happen, then, if you falter?"
"Then we all die, damning their eyes all the way out," I answered cheerfully.
"I see," Cursed Arm said, keeping his silence for a second or two, and suddenly exploded with laughter. "Shabash! What a way to go, to meet Shaitan with a snarl on our lips and the blood of our enemies on our blades! Still, I want to see the mettle of the man who took on three knights alone by myself; so let's go outside, if you will?"
Now that was more like it. I grinned at Cursed Arm. "No killing?"
He made a so-so gesture. "A little maiming, maybe. I'm an assassin after all."
"I like how you think," I told Cursed Arm and followed him out. "Let's do it."
We drew a fair amount of people to see our little fight as we went, for entertainment was probably scarce. Cortana was busy speaking with Da Vinci, but every other member of our motley crew was watching closely between the other folk. Hundred Faces wasn't there, as she had returned to her village post-haste, but Sanzang was staring at me alarmingly while Bedivere looked expectantly at me.
Arash, the nice chap he was, couldn't refuse me as I put him up as a bookie. Indeed, he seemed to have found his vocation, for he was shouting like a lunatic and taking bets of alcohol, favors, and the devil knew what more, money being somewhat scarce around here. Even Da Vinci paused her conversation with Cortana to ring him up and bet her chastity, giving me a saucy wink. And damned good luck to whoever managed to find it, probably lying forgotten somewhere around future Italy, if I was any judge.
The armed Ghazis and the folk cheered and made noise to wake up the earth itself as Cursed Arm, and I squared up, but I didn't think it'd be all that much of a fight. Cursed Arm did his best, laying on me like fury and hopping around like a kangaroo on meth. I understood him, there, as a dangerous man that would cut someone in twain with the ease of buttering bread.
It didn't do much against me. Cursed Arm's knives, undoubtedly sharp enough to shave with, plinked against my skin, and it was evident in no time that I was his superior in physical matters. His only recourse would be to release his Shaitan, but that wouldn't do during a friendly spar. All in all, we fought good-naturedly, and I pulled my punches for a while.
The end was a foregone conclusion, though, as I rattled him something fierce around the head.
He fell between shouts of dismay and joy, and I was poised to strike again, and that was it. Although he looked disappointed with the result, Cursed Arm was a good sport about his loss. After getting to his feet, he accepted my extended hand, raised it high, and announced to whoever wanted to listen that I was the devil of a foreign maniac, which I took as a compliment.
The crowd advanced on us, and Arash was the loudest of all. From his mouth came a mixture of profanities, laughter, and cajoling, the man already looking like a born and raised loan shark in the process of fleecing everyone around him, but I had to stop watching him as someone suddenly thrust a clucking chicken on my hands.
I smiled, petting my new chicken. It'd be easy to learn to like it there.