Deeks woke up with his face smushed against an unfamiliar pillow. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he could tell he'd been out for a while. He felt more rested than he had since before everything. Was it actually due to the sleep or because he'd spent the day purging out all the stuff that had been eating him up inside? Either way, he felt better. Not back to before everything happened, but he could feel that something had shifted. Maybe Nate knew what he was talking about.

He lifted his head, trying to get his bearings. He was still on Kensi's couch, but he couldn't tell what time it was by the light filtering in through the window. A part of him didn't really care about the details though. There was a certain pressure gone that he'd been carrying around. Deeks didn't have to be scared of the truth coming out anymore. It was out and Kensi was still there. In fact, she hadn't gone far at all.

"Kensi?" Deeks murmured, smiling softly at the sight of her sitting on the floor against the couch. She was asleep with her cheek resting on top of her knee. Normally he wouldn't disturb her, but the position didn't look particularly comfortable. "Kens."

"What!" Kensi exclaimed, jerking up and reaching behind her back for the gun Deeks hoped wasn't actually there. She flashed him a sheepish smile when she realized it was only the two of them in the room. "Hey."

"Always ready," Deeks chuckled, rolling onto his back so he could sit up. His stomach only twinged a little, which was a relief. He was sick of having to sleep carefully in one spot all night, whenever he actually got some sleep.

"It's kind of my default," Kensi shrugged, moving up onto the couch beside him.

"What were you doing down there?"

"I guess I just fell asleep. This floor is actually deceptively comfortable." Deeks gave her a pointed look, making it clear he didn't buy her story. She sighed, drumming her fingers against her leg. "I didn't want to leave you alone, but I didn't want to crowd you either. And then I really did just fall asleep."

"Thank you," Deeks said sincerely. "Thank you for listening to me and just being there. I know I haven't made it easy."

"I'm sorry that I've never shown you that you can count on me. It's one thing to know we'll have each other's backs in the field, but another in our personal lives."

"You're not entirely to blame for that. I've made a lot of mistakes too."

"So where do we go from here?" Kensi asked.

"I don't know. Every part of me wishes I had a time machine to take me back to before all this happened, but I don't want us to go back to the way we were either," Deeks admitted. Being honest had worked well for him earlier, so why stop? "I'm so tired, Kensi. Feeling like I don't have a place where I belong. And then all this happened and it's like the shaky ground I was on before just crumbled to dust."

"We should've been better. I should've been better."

"We gotta stop thinking about what we should've done and focus on what we can do now, right? Or something along those lines."

"As long as we don't repeat our mistakes. If we try-"

"I think you should call Sam and Callen over," Deeks blurted out.

"What?" Kensi asked in confusion. Deeks wasn't even sure where that came from either. "Are you sure?"

"No, but- I don't know," Deeks mumbled, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. "It's the day for difficult conversations, right?"

"I don't want to tell you what you can and can't do, but are you sure you want to keep pushing? You can give yourself time."

"I've had nothing but time sitting in my apartment. And the longer I wait, the bigger this gets," Deeks sighed. "Is it- do you think I shouldn't? That they won't be open to talking things out?"

"I'm not saying that. They really do feel bad about how things have been."

"Then this needs to happen. Even if you and I are good, I still need to make things right with them. I can't move forward without putting all of our cards on the table."

"Do you mean this talk is going to determine whether or not you come back to work?" Kensi asked hesitantly. Deeks wanted to assure her that he'd already made up his mind and that he was going to stay, but he couldn't lie to her. He still didn't know and wasn't sure when he would, but that was something that he was going to need to deal with on his own.

"This talk may influence some things, but that decision will be mine alone. I'm not making any more life altering decisions today though. Maybe tomorrow."

"I'll text them, I guess," Kensi sighed, pulling out her phone and sending off a short message. Deeks had immediate regret, but there was no turning back now. They'd tried this the day before, but Deeks hadn't been open to it. Maybe this time it would be different, since he was the one initiating. He had to put his hurt feelings aside and really listen if he wanted a chance for things to go better. "They'll be here in twenty."

"That's fast," Deeks huffed, rubbing his sweaty hands against his pants.

"I can cancel. Come up with an excuse and say it's my fault," Kensi offered.

"Thanks, but no. Better to get it over with instead of putting it off." He hated how nervous he felt. Any other time, he would be ready to say exactly how he felt. Well, maybe not exactly, but he was good at airing his grievances in the form of a joke. It didn't change much, but it got the words out there in some way. This time had to be different. If he wanted to be taken seriously and heard, he had to be open and honest. And if they still couldn't accept him, he had his answer.

"Okay."

"Don't say anything about what I told you today, okay? I'm not ready for anyone else to know and I'm not sure I ever will be. But if the time comes, I need it to be my decision."

"Of course. I would never break your confidence like that," Kensi insisted. Deeks believed her. Even though she would tease him about other things in the past to get a rise out of him, he trusted that she respected this information on a different level. This would never be used against him because that would spell the absolute end of their relationship.

Deeks got up and went to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and bolster himself for the upcoming conversation. Nothing could be harder than the talk he just had with Kensi or even Nate, so this should be easy. But it wasn't. This was going to be the first time he said something real to them, and not in anger. And he could say that it didn't matter what they thought, but it did. Even after everything, he respected them and wanted nothing more than to be respected in return.

"They're here," Kensi announced through the door, knocking softly. Deeks stared at himself in the mirror for a few more seconds, giving himself a silent pep talk. He looked like trash and felt completely out of sorts, but he could do this. He was going to do this.

Deeks walked back to the living room, trying to keep his back straight and his stride confident. It was like going into a meeting while undercover. You had to live your persona, instead of pretending that's who you were. And Deeks was one of the best.

The three of them were sitting in silence on Kensi's couch, all in a row. Their heads snapped up when they heard him come in. And for some reason, the sight of them broke something in Deeks. He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to suppress the little strangled noise that threatened to burst out. Kensi jumped up in panic, ready to do whatever she could to help, but Deeks held her back with a wave.

"You guys- you guys look like you're waiting outside the principal's office," Deeks snorted as soon as he wasn't about to dissolve into a fit of laughter. Sam rolled his eyes and Callen leaned more casually against the arm of the couch. There was still obvious tension, but it wasn't as stifling as Deeks had been expecting. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought. "Or maybe Hetty's office."

"We'd have more weapons if that was the case," Callen smirked.

"Usually a safe bet," Deeks agreed, sitting down on one of Kensi's chairs. He wasn't going to get stuck on the couch again. Kensi sat back down in between Callen and Sam. They were all looking around, trying to decide how to start everything. Since he was the one who called them over, it should probably be him to kick things off. "I'm sorry."

"What on earth do you have to be sorry about?" Kensi asked in confusion.

"A lot of things, but I'm mostly talking about yesterday. I shouldn't have went off on you all and kicked you out. You guys have been so great these last few weeks and that was uncalled for."

"We deserved it. You didn't exactly say anything that wasn't true," Sam admitted.

"I don't regret what I said, just how I said it. That's the problem with us, isn't it? We don't know how to talk to each other."

"We never really gave it a chance," Kensi agreed regretfully.

"And while I hate for what happened to me to be the catalyst for this long overdue conversation, my hangup shouldn't prevent what needs to happen," Deeks sighed, putting aside his feelings of bitterness for now. That was his own issue to deal with and he couldn't lash out if he wanted anything to get better. This problem had started long before everything with Russ and Carly and they needed to deal with that first. "Let's talk."

Author's Note: Sorry again for the long wait and short chapter. I'm back on my bullshit of neglecting ongoing stories to start new ones. But I will be finishing this. We are getting near the end, with basically only one more "event" after the full talk with the team. Thanks to everyone who stuck around.