"Jinny!"
There was a hand wrapped firmly around his wrist. Gently tugging him along. His eyes were focused on the ground, on his stumbling feet that were struggling to keep up on the hardwood floor.
"Oh," the voice sounded exasperated, but also excited. His feet left the ground as whoever was dragging him along slid their hands under his armpits," come on!"
There was something in the man's voice that made him smile. Something about the voice made him feel safe.
Wrapping his arms around the man's neck and his legs around his torso, a tiny giggle escaped him, excitement bubbling in his chest to the point where it was almost overflowing.
The man's chest vibrated against his own as a deep chuckle made it rumble," shhhh." That only made him giggle a little bit more," Your mom is gonna hear us. Don't you want to scare her?"
He immediately suppressed his giggles, his hand over his face as the man looked down at him.
He had a wide smile on his face, his grayish hair tousled from sleep. A trail of dried drool went down his chin.
Despite the difference, people told him all the time that he was almost identical to his father. He himself knew it. They had the same hair color and haircut after all.
His father gave him a goofy smile before he turned him around. They were hiding around the corner to the kitchen, he was hanging from his father's hands as he held him by his armpits to face straight ahead.
He had to slap his palms over his mouth again to stay quiet when he heard his mother's footsteps approaching the corner. The soft padding of her feet against the floor.
It sounded like she was shushing Dayeon as well.
His father moved first, letting out a loud RAHHH! That had him copying his father after a second delay.
At the same time, his mother, a beautiful woman who looked just as unkempt from sleep as they did, leaped around the corner. She and Dayeon screamed as both children were lifted to emphasize the scare factor.
A grin nearly split his face in half at the sight of his baby sister.
"Dayni!"
He jerked awake, his heart beating loudly in his ears as he stared up at the ceiling. For a few seconds, the only thing he could do was blink, thinking about the dream he just had.
Was…
Was that his parents?
They looked exactly like the people in the photos Dayeon and grandfather had shown him. And there was something that seemed nostalgic about their voices.
He let out a shaky breath, still processing what just happened.
That had to be the first time he had ever recovered a memory of his parents.
There was a knocking on his door," Ijin, you're going to be late."
Shit.
He forced himself to push the thought out of his head.
He was off for the entire day.
His mind kept on drifting off to the memory he recovered.
He may have received it in a dream, but he knew damn well that it was not a dream. It was far too livid for it to be a simple dream. While he has heard detail ls about his parents, he's never heard their voices, just pictures. He knew it was the latter. It wasn't a dream.
His chest felt tight throughout the day, his nerves wound up as he tried to function after having a night like that. Even the usual music session he had with Jaehyung during lunch did nothing to make him relax, or get a grip on his emotions.
He knew that he was worrying his friends, he could see their exchanges of concerned glances with each other out of the corner of his eye.
But at the moment, it was taking almost everything he had to stay together. All he wanted was to go somewhere safe and private. Where he could allow himself to express his emotions where no one could see him.
It had been a very long time since he felt like that, he had long learned that it wasn't safe to express his raw emotions in front of others. He had his handlers and Mad Dog to thank for that. Him suppressing his emotions like that had made him prefer to keep his deepest and rawest emotions to himself and himself alone. Even he had to admit that it had been a surprise when he had let the Major into his thoughts one night.
He went through the rest of the day in something of a daze, occasionally bringing himself back to reality just long enough to do whatever was asked of him before his thoughts buried him again. His friends kept on trying to strike up a conversation with him, but Ijin found himself answering in monosyllable answers in an effort to keep some type of control.
"Oiii Ijin!"
He came out of his head again to realize that it was the Major standing by the school entrance, waving at him with a bright smile. Han-Gyeol and Gwangsik were right next to him, Han-Gyeol waving while Gwangsik was motioning for him to come over.
Their smiles were so bright.
His chest tightened.
He found himself in front of the Major, wrapping his arms around the older man before he could stop himself.
The Major stiffened up and just as Ijin was about to pull away-he clearly crossed a line- the Major was holding him back, squeezing him in a way that no one had done before," What's wrong?" His voice was gentle, just as gentle as the time the Major was comforting him after a particularly bad night back on the base.
He shook his head, burying his face into the Major's shoulder as he struggled to keep his emotions contained just so he could get home for some privacy.
But the longer he held onto the Major, the more he realized what a mistake it was to hold the man. The longer he held on, the more the Major started to comfort him, tapping a slow beat into his back with his fingertips. He felt the iron grip he had on his emotions start to weaken.
He needed to go.
He pulled away, fully intending to give the man a brief thank you before going off for some privacy.
The Major grabbed onto him before he could even say anything," Hey," his eyes were furrowed again," Ijin you're shaking. What happened?"
He was?
The firm hands on his shoulders made him realize that he was shaking. Shaking as if he was cold on one of the hottest days yet.
He stubbornly shook his head.
He was going to be fine.
He just needed to get to somewhere safe. Somewhere where it was safe for him to let out the emotions he had been bottling up for the entire day.
The muttering of his friends did not go unnoticed, and for a second, the only thing he could feel was the hot shame burning deep inside him when he realized that they had seen his moment of vulnerability.
He was truly ashamed of himself that he had let others, his friends nonetheless, see him show a moment of weakness.
He must have shown something on his face because, with a turning of his head and a few simple words, Han-Gyeol and Gwangsik started to usher his friends away. The Major pulled him further down the street for some semblance of privacy.
He was being tugged around the corner, the Major's hand resting on the back of his shoulder until he was being pushed into a bench.
The Major sat down next to him with a quiet sigh, sitting close enough where Ijin was able to lean on him without any trouble.
A hand was resting on his head again, pushing it down just a little bit," Don't do this to yourself Ijin," Kang's voice was gentle," You can talk to me."
He knew that.
He knew that.
The Major was someone that Ijin has trusted, again and again, never being disappointed by the man's actions.
He just wasn't used to letting someone in on such an emotional aspect of himself. He wasn't used to anyone seeing him in such a vulnerable state. Even though they had done this before, Ijin was still hesitant to let the Major see such an exposed version of himself.
He nodded his head, pressing his hands against his face as he let out deep, heavy breaths to try and recenter himself.
There was another huff next to him.
"Come on," His shoulder was tapped twice," There's a gym we can borrow nearby."
What?
Ijin looked at him with a confused look, his head tilting to the side as he tried to understand what the man was trying to say.
Kang huffed, his heart going out to the teenager as he pulled Ijin to his feet.
He knew that eight months wasn't going to be enough for Ijin to take down all of the walls that he had built up around his heart.
But sometimes he wished that it was.
"We're going to spar."
God knows it would do the boy some good.
His back burned with stares as he and Ijin sparred.
No doubt, the sight of watching a soldier and a teenager spar was catching the attention of most of the gym.
No doubt, the sight of him, slamming the teenager to the floor in a hold that should have been impossible for the average man to escape, only for Ijin to escape it within seconds, was drawing eyes.
He knew that whatever had happened.
Really threw the kid off.
It was the second time he had managed to pin Ijin against the mats in the last 30 minutes.
Usually, even though Ijin was difficult to pin or defeat, yet there he was, pinning Ijin to the mat until the kid ceded to him. They were around the same skill level, meaning that it was hard for either one of them to win, but Kang just knew for a fact that Ijin was not okay.
He had yet to say a single word, becoming that silent teenager from eight months ago who would rather stare and communicate silently than say any words.
He called off the spar and dragged the still concerningly pale teenager off to the side to take a break.
Ijin robotically held the water bottle to his lips to take a drink, a faint tremor in his hands that even sparring hadn't managed to soothe.
Han-Gyeol and Gwangsik were on the other side of the gym, sending looks their way as if to silently ask if it was okay for them to come over.
A pointed look kept them over there.
Ijin finally showed some sign of functionality when he sighed the heaviest, soul-weary sigh Kang had ever heard from the kid. His forehead being supported by his arm that was resting on his knee while his other hand rested on Kang's forearm as if he had to remind himself that he was with the Major and that the man was going to stay.
Knowing that it was the closest Ijin was going to get to being affectionate at the moment, he laid his hand over Ijin's hand. Squeezing it ever so slightly made Ijin return the action.
"Feeling better?"
There was a pause, and then the tiniest nod.
He could tell that Ijin's heart wasn't in it completely. Kang took it as Ijin feeling better, but not 100 %
"Do you want to talk about it?"
That was a firm shake.
Okay. That was a hard no.
Kang wasn't surprised, but he was somewhat disheartened by the teenager's continued reluctance to let people into his inner thoughts.
His hand left Ijin's hand to rest on the kid's nape, his thumb rubbing over his skin as he quietly said," I know you have a hard time trusting people with your thoughts Ijin," God knows how many times they have been used against him," But that's fine. You're just a private person like that," Though it was heartbreaking to see a teenager keep his rawest form so closed off to the world. To see a teenager damaged from the world as some of the oldest generals Kang knew," Just know that you can always trust me. And the others. We all care for you. There's almost nothing we wouldn't do for you."
He got another nod, this time, it was firmer.
Well, at least he knew that Ijin trusted them.
He dropped his voice a tone as he leaned closer, absentmindedly taking note of the way Ijin leaned against him in response," Just…just promise me you won't let everything get to you, you hear me? Don't do anything… drastic."
The hand that was resting on his forearm pinched him," I won't do anything like that…"Ijin finally said, his voice low and tired as he muttered out his words," I won't leave my family like that. I barely got them back."
Well, that was a relief.
But still, he was going to keep an eye on the kid.
Even if nothing happened, it would be good to be available to help the kid learn how to open up at the very least.
He hummed, slightly appeased by the fact that Ijin was responding verbally again as he moved his hand from his neck to Ijin's shoulder to pull him into a side hug," Long day?"
Ijin sighed a sigh that was far too heavy for a boy his age," yeah."
It was clear that the kid was not going to elaborate further.
"Let's go and get a bite to eat?"
"Ok."
He knew that it was going to be a long journey before Ijin started to let people in on his inner thoughts. Or at the very least, realized that it was not bad to be vulnerable every now and then.
Ijin practically melted into Gwansik's hug, the soldier's paternal instinct coming out as he muttered something into Ijin's temple, something that made Ijin nod, before placing a kiss on the crown of the teenager's head. Ijin accepted the hug from Han-Gyeol just as he did to Gwangsik, leaning into the man when Han-Gyeol's bear hands ruffled his silver hair.
Kang smiled.
It was going to be a long journey.
But it was going to be so worth it.