Chapter Five: Lady Susan
Alexander hired Miss Bates to be Leo's governess, and things had gone well over the past two weeks. She had moved to Bentley House, and Leo seemed quite taken with her. Miss Bates would go with them when they returned to Heyrick Park.
Mrs. Markham was holding a dinner party tonight to introduce Augusta to some of her friends. Alexander would, of course, be Augusta's escort.
Samuel was attending the dinner tonight as well. He was a handsome and successful barrister and yet unmarried at thirty years old. Mrs. Markham had taken it upon herself to see that his days as a bachelor were numbered.
Augusta had blossomed under her aunt's care, and when she came down the stairs in her new gown, Alexander was a proud uncle. She was the picture of loveliness.
Mrs. Markham lived on Harley Street in a fashionable townhouse. She was known for her parties, and she had taken great care with her guest list. She had invited her dear friend Lady Susan Worcester, Lord and Lady Babington, as well as Lord and Lady Smithson and their son, Edward and their daughter, Caroline. General Shaw and his wife, Mrs. Shaw, were neighbors and close friends. Mr. Henry Adams, a member of Parliament and her close confidant, would be attending as well.
Mrs. Markham has asked Alexander to escort Lady Susan to the dining room. They were dinner companions for the evening, and Alexander had met her many years ago when he lived in London. She was not much older than he was and was a very influential member of the ton.
She turned to him after the first course was served and said, "I understand that you live in Sanditon, Mr. Colbourne. When we last saw each other almost a decade ago, you were living in London."
He said, "Yes, I returned to Heyrick Park in Sanditon nine years ago when I inherited my father's estate."
Lady Susan said, "Over a year ago, I met a remarkable young woman from Willingden who was a guest of the Parker family in Sanditon. In fact, I visited Sanditon just because of her, and we had a grand time on the day of the Sanditon Regatta."
Alexander only knew one person from Willingden, and that person was Miss Heywood.
He asked, "Would that young woman be Miss Charlotte Heywood?"
Lady Susan said, "Yes, it is. Do you know her well?"
She saw pain in his face before he quickly masked it, and said, "She came to work for me as a governess for my niece and my daughter."
This was most unwelcome information to Lady Susan.
She said, "I cannot imagine a woman as young and as beautiful as Miss Heywood becoming a governess. She did tell me that she was going to forge a new path for herself after all that had happened with the fire in Sanditon."
Lady Susan said, "If she had written to me and asked for my advice, I would have advised against it. Is she here in London with your family now?"
He said, "No, she is back in Willingden with her family, and she is no longer our governess. She was wonderful with the girls, but it was not the best thing for her. As you say, she is not destined for the life of spinster."
"Well, I shall write to her tonight and ask her to come to London as my guest. I have plenty of young men I could introduce her to."
Alexander closed his eyes for a moment to hide his pain. He could not bear to think of Charlotte with someone else.
Lady Susan missed nothing, and thought to herself, there was much more to this story than she could find out right now.
Alexander asked, "How did you meet Miss Heywood, Lady Susan?"
She replied, "I met her at a ball that she attended with Mr. Sidney Parker, Mr. Tom Parker, and Lord Babington."
"Such tragic news that Mr. Sidney Parker perished from yellow fever in Antigua."
Alexander said, 'Yes, it is."
They turned their attention to the conversation at the table, but both were thinking of Charlotte and all she had been through.
Later that evening, as Lady Susan was leaving, she handed Alexander her card and said, "Please come to tea tomorrow morning. I would like to have a private conversation with you."
Alexander was puzzled by her request but agreed to it.
On the carriage ride home, Augusta and Samuel talked about the evening and both had a wonderful time. Alexander hoped for both of them to find the one person in the world they were meant to love.
After checking on Leo when they got home, Samuel and Alexander spent some time together in the study.
Alexander said, "Samuel, why haven't you married? You have long been successful and would be considered a suitable husband for the ladies in society."
Samuel replied, 'I have not met a woman who has inspired me to change my status as a bachelor and until I do, I will not marry."
Xander said, "When you meet her, you will know, or at least I did with Miss Heywood."
Samuel said, "Brother, I hope things work out in the end for the two of you."
Alexander said, "Thank you, but we have to find a way to communicate with her, and I have not found a solution to that yet."
Samuel said, "Where there is a will, there is a way, so I am sure you will figure something out."
The brothers said goodnight, and Alexander made his way to his room.
Tonight, he did not write in his journal. Instead, Alexander crawled into bed and let his memories of her lull him to sleep. His beautiful and extraordinary, Charlotte.
The next morning, Alexander dropped Augusta off at Mrs. Markham's and then went to see Lady Susan.
A servant showed him to the drawing room where Lady Susan was waiting for him.
"Mr. Colbourne, I am so glad you came."
She rang for tea, and it appeared almost immediately. After handing him a steaming cup and making one for herself, she asked, "How did you meet Miss Heywood, Mr. Colbourne?"
Alexander said, "My girls had gone into town one day for a parade, and my daughter injured her knee, so Miss Heywood escorted them home. My housekeeper, Mrs. Wheatley, told Miss Heywood that I needed a governess, so the next day, she applied for the job. She came for an interview, and I hired her."
"You said at dinner that she was wonderful with the girls, yet she returned home to Willingden."
"And before you decide that I am the most impertinent woman you have ever met, let me assure you that I can be an ally if the match is right. Charlotte and I are particular friends, Mr. Colbourne."
Alexander did find her impertinent, but he needed her help, so he told her what had happened.
"Lady Susan, I had been a recluse for almost a decade before meeting Miss Heywood. I had determined to never marry again, and I shut myself away from the world. The circumstances of my wife's death after giving birth to my daughter, Leonora, were such that I live with guilt and regret that I was not compassionate with my wife."
Alexander looked directly at Lady Susan and said, "At one point, I told Miss Heywood what happened, and she implored me to forgive myself, and for a brief moment, I allowed my emotions to overcome my logic."
"Please understand that I do have deep feelings for Miss Heywood, but my self-doubt took control of my thoughts, and I sent her away to protect her, and if I am to be completely honest, to protect myself from experiencing more pain."
Lady Susan had been watching his face as he spoke, and she could see that he indeed did care deeply for Charlotte.
She said, "Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I do not want to bring up any unpleasant memories, but I have been dear friends with Mrs. Markham for many years, and I do remember the gossip from that time. Affairs are destructive business to everyone involved."
Alexander just nodded his hand in agreement, and Lady Susan felt compassion for him. She had remembered Lucy as a spirited girl and one who was quite taken with Captain Lennox before she met and married Alexander Colbourne. The scandal was kept as quiet as could be managed at the time, and thankfully, had long been forgotten. Except for Alexander.
Lady Susan asked, "May I be candid?"
"He said with a smile, "Yes, and you remind me of Miss Heywood. She is observant and likes to speak frankly as well. I can see why you would be drawn to each other."
Lady Susan said, "I will take that as the compliment you meant it to be, I am sure."
Alexander said, 'It is most certainly a compliment. Miss Heywood is the most extraordinary woman I have ever known."
Lady Susan said, "Yes, she is, so let us talk about the situation you find yourself in now. Do you regret sending Miss Heywood away, Mr. Colbourne?"
He replied without hesitation, "Yes, I do, and I want to make things right with her."
Lady Susan said, "Well, Mr. Colbourne, what are you planning to do about it?"
Alexander said, 'I must find a way to see her. Propriety will not allow me to write to her, and she is no longer in Sanditon."
Lady Susan said, 'Tonight, when I write to Charlotte, I will ask her feelings on the matter, and then we can meet again to discuss it. You may have lost your opportunity with her, Mr. Colbourne, due to circumstances, but if she is receptive, then there is still hope."
She continued, "Are you aware of all that happened with Charlotte and Mr. Sidney Parker?"
He replied, "I know only that they were in love, but circumstances conspired against them to keep them from marriage. She felt betrayed and hurt by what happened."
Lady Susan said, "He was in an exceedingly difficult situation, and he did what he had to do, at great personal cost to him. From everything I observed, He did love her deeply."
She continued, "Mr. Parker told her that he planned to propose to her, but due to Tom Parker's circumstances, he had to marry Eliza Campion, the wealthy widow he had once been involved with. She is a very unpleasant woman. Just as I attended the Sanditon Regatta, so did she. She belittled Charlotte and was unkind to say the least. She knew Charlotte was a threat to her."
"At the end of the regatta, Sidney sent Mrs. Campion back to London because he made a decision between the two women, and his choice was Charlotte."
"Something you and Mr. Parker have in common is that both of you spent almost a decade shutting yourself away from the world because you were both hurt by someone else. You both fell in love with Charlotte, but when it came down to it, that love did not result in happiness for her."
"Charlotte had her heart broken by all that happened with Sidney Parker, and brave girl that she is, she entrusted it a second time, this time to you, and we both know that it did not end well."
Alexander winced, and Lady Susan knew she had made her point.
Lady Susan, "All the love in the world is not enough for a happy relationship without trust. If you are going to win both her love and her trust back, you are going to need to be confident in yourself enough to withstand some resistance to your efforts. Charlotte will not be easily won over this time, Mr. Colbourne, nor should she be."
"You must be sure you can be patient and diligent, or you will hurt her again with your withdrawal."
Alexander knew she was right, and said, "Thank you, Lady Susan, and you have my word on it."
She stood up and said, "I am holding you to it."
He bowed, and when he got outside, he dismissed his carriage and walked back to Bentley House. As he walked through the streets, he gave all Lady Susan said a great deal of thought.
He also thought about what she had said about affairs being destructive business for everyone involved. It was true, and he had allowed it to destroy his life for long enough. He had to let go of it all. All the guilt and pain of the last ten years had not only served no purpose, but it had also caused him to destroy things with Charlotte.
He stopped walking and moved away from the center of the sidewalk. He turned and found himself facing a display in a shop window and something in particular caught his eye. He stood outside the shop for only a moment before going on. He left only a brief time later with his purchase safely tucked in his coat pocket.
He had given too much already for the past, from this day forth, he was looking to the future.
Later that night, Alexander wrote in his journal.
Today, I met with Lady Susan, a particular friend of Miss Heywood. Our conversation was enlightening, and I understand Charlotte better now.
She was brave to give her heart to me, but I was not brave enough to put my fear of hurting her and of being hurt again to ask for her hand.
I regret how I let the past thwart my future, just as Charlotte told me it would if I could not forgive myself for how I spoke to Lucy about her betrayal.
I am hoping to regain the opportunity to have a future with Miss Heywood. I saw a beautiful diamond ring in a display window, and I was compelled to buy it. I hope that someday, I will be able to place it on her finger as an engagement ring.
Each day that passes, I realize the magnitude of my mistake even more. I feel an almost desperate need to see her and to try to make things right. Lady Susan said that I must be prepared for Charlotte to resist my efforts, and I realize that winning her back is going to take an earnest effort, but she is worth it. We are worth it. I know we could be happy together and with the girls, we could be a family.
I must find a way to make things right between us.
I must, for both our sakes…
Alexander closed his journal and got into bed. A sense of peace came over him. He was ready to move forward with his life. He had hoped that someday in the near future, he would be able to place that ring on Charlotte's hand. If she could forgive him.