Week 3- Your future
"Last week you wrote about your past, this week you are writing about your future. What do you want to leave behind and who do you went to bring with you on your journeys. Where do you see yourself in 3 or 6 or 9 years? Why do you want the things that you are after? When will you think you can rightfully say that you've done enough?"
Santana replayed Holly's questions on this week's theme over and over again in her mind. What did she want to do in the future? What was her purpose in life? Heck, she couldn't tell you what she wanted for dinner most nights on a good day let alone what she wanted in 5-10 years.
Don't even get her started on the question why because if Santana could she would ban that word from all conversations. She didn't know why she had done half the things she has done and probably won't be able to tell you about the reasons behind her future actions.
This week's assignment was sending her into a downward spiral and occupied the depths of her conscious at all times. It echoed in the back of her mind and only got louder at times of unnerving silence; like when she was supposed to be sleeping but instead she lay awake with nothing but chilling thoughts of the future- her future.
With Holly's words stuck on repeat, like a broken record, constantly playing over in her head it was no wonder that she couldn't write! But she's Santana Lopez for god's sake she doesn't get writer's block. In fact, she writes best when worries like her future were stressing her.
Oh no, this was something different. This wasn't her writing brain dump poetry or journal entries for herself and herself only- no this was a letter for a mostly stranger that already knew a little too much about Santana that she was normally comfortable with.
With these delightfully dizzying thoughts buzzing around her mind she sought out advice from the only person who could help her with situations like this. Yes, this was a job for Mercedes Jones. Okay, could she go to Quinn or her mom for advice, yes, however she wasn't in the mood for Quinn's wonderfully annoying teasing or her mom's incessant prying.
So, one Mercedes Jones was the only one to not only offer her honest feedback and calm her nerves but to do so without constant questions on the identity of the girl who was sending Santana running around like a headless chicken or Quinn's kissy lips and whipping sound effects.
"Hey girl. I already order you your usual." Mercedes greeted with a hug and sat back down in her seat.
"Hi wheezy, thanks for meeting with me. I know your busy these days with music and this is you first week off in months." Santana replied as she took her seat opposite Mercedes on the booth in the corner of the café, completely ignoring the other girl's eye roll at the old high school nickname.
"Glad to see you have changed, Satan. But seriously it's fine. You know that I never pass up the opportunity to drag you out of your cave of an apartment to get some sun even if it's only to go to a café 10 minutes away."
"I would have you know that I actually do leave the apartment." They sat a couple moments in silence narrowing their eyes at one another. Finally, Santana gave in with a huff, crossing her arms across her chest and sinking down a little in the booth while muttering. "Sometimes."
"Like when?" Mercedes quizzed sceptically with a scoff and challenging eyes.
"I go to parties sometimes. Only for like an hour each time but it's still more than never. And Q and I started a new writing course that we do once a week."
Mercedes nodded in recognition. "Yeah Quinn mentioned something about a new course with Holly Holliday, the nutcase blonde."
"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Mercedes tilted her head a little in confusion and intrigue, so she continued. "I got this girl named Brittany for my pen pal and we got this week's theme but the problem is that I don't know anything about what I want for my future and even if I did I don't even know how to translate that onto paper, which is so unlike me, and if I were to write something close to the truth on how I feel why and how would I send that to a stranger so they could see my thoughts and know things I don't know about myself and scrutinize it."
Looking up from her rambling Santana realised she probably said way too much and way too quickly judging by Mercedes's Cheshire grin and the sparkle in her eyes that she tried to cover up by sipping her coffee. Following in her friends footsteps Santana lifted her now lukewarm coffee and took a drawn-out sip before placing it back on the table.
"Oh, how I miss you and that over worked mind factory." Mercedes chuckled fondly at Santana's dramatics.
"This is not a laughing situation. I am deadly serious. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and I don't trust myself to dial down the realness when writing to this girl."
"First, you need to be less hard on yourself because whether you have your whole life planned out or not you're doing amazing things now which can only help you have a successful future." Santana tried to interrupt her, but Mercedes only held up her hand to shut her friend up. "Secondly, if you can feel this amount of trust with a person just from a couple letters than she must be worth the slight risk. Lastly, your future plans don't have to be super elaborate you are just thinking too much into it like always."
With all this new and comforting advice Santana took a moment to process what was just said to her. After a few sips of coffee from each girl Santana spoke up. "Thanks, Cedes."
"Your welcome Tana."
Santana and Mercedes finished their drinks and caught up on recent events then spent the rest of the day shopping and Quinn joined the two for dinner and dessert. Immediately after getting home Santana said goodnight to Quinn and went straight to her desk.
Dear Brittany,
This week's theme has proven to be quite difficult for me, which I'm not really used to since I normally can't do anything but write when I'm so conflicted. I've always had my life planned out for me by others: whether it was my parents or my teachers or strangers who knew nothing about me. So, when I came out, got kicked off the cheerleading team and got knocked down a little in the popularity rank my whole life just seemed to collapse around me. Everything was spiralling out of my control and all my plans for the future either fell throw or were thrown up in the air around me. Luckily, I was able to get back on my cheer squad and once again regain my position as head bitch. Ever since then I have kind of been stuck in the limbo where I still want to live up to what is excepted of me but knowing that I can't at the expense of my happiness; I want to make my parents proud of me while also fulfilling my dreams. One thing I've always known I want for my future is to have a job as a writer. I want to write things that can resonate with others and make them feel seen and accepted even if the real world might make them feel the exact opposite. I want to create a world within my writing were everyone can freely be themselves and not have to hold back because they're afraid of the consequences unlike the cruelness of this life. Fear has stopped me from doing so things in the past that I can't help but want my future to be free of the shackles of restrainment that I've tangled myself in. I want to leave behind a story of suffer and hope and ultimately succession. I hope to bring my friends along with me since they've made it this far and have somehow survived. I think that I will know when I've done enough when I can look at all my achievements and confidently say that I really and truly am proud of myself; when I can live without feeling trapped or restricted or in constant search for myself and purpose. Truthfully, I don't know where I'll be in 3 or 6 or 9 years and the mere thought of it gives me a migraine however I can say that I hope I am surer of myself than I am now and I pray that I've found my way in life. Finally, my favourite dessert is red velvet cake, my favourite book is The little prince and if I could go anywhere in the world I would go to The Greek Island of Lesbos or Hawaii:) Now for my questions to you- Who is your dance role model? How the hell did you become friends with loud mouth Berry and Kurt? What would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?
, Definitely your friend Santana
Dear Santana,
I often find myself thinking of the future. I like to think of what I'll look like, what I'll be doing and who I'll be doing this with. I will admit that it can be a little overwhelming when I think hard enough but I have faith in the future. I hope to have my own Dance studio for kids in about 6-9 years. I really want to have gradated college in 3 years and moving on to bigger things like maybe being on Broadway along side Rachel and Klaine, Kurt and Blaine's ship name, or dancing backup to Beyoncé.When I die I hope to leave behind a little of my magic dust for the next person to have; wether that person is my future child/children or the kids that I teach. I want to leave behind some of my happiness and freedom to prove that life really is the most serious game you'll ever play and that even if you have a little fun along the way you can still win. I want these things in order to inspire other underestimated kids like me and show them that what everyone says about them isn't true. I feel that I have truly won when I can leave this world with the spark that I came into this world with.My questions to you: When was your first kiss? What is your favourite rumour you've ever heard of yourself? Why would you ever have a fear of camping? My answers to you- If I could be any person I would be Britney Spears. We already have the same name why not be the her;)I would definitely have teleportation. Imagine the places I could go and how much I could get done without being stuck in New York traffic! I chose to come to NYAC since nothing sounded greater than going college with three of my besties. I also really love New York with all the lights and opportunities for adventure and fun.
,Definitely your friend Britt