CW: Wounds from child abuse. Talk of abuse and homophobia

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I… what happened… that night at Knockturn alley… your… your parents hurt you, didn't they?"

Sirius closed his eyes for a second. It was the morning of boxing day, and we were in the bathroom alone, brushing our teeth.

"Yes." He spoke shortly and put his toothbrush back in his mouth.

"Was it because… was it because of the money you took?" I asked, placing my hand on the sink.

Sirius spat his toothpaste out and took in a deep shaky breath. "No." He didn't look me in the eye like he usually did.

"Really?"

"It was worth it, Moony," he said, still looking down at the sink. "I would go through that again if it helped you."

"Sirius, you shouldn't have taken the money," I said.

"I should have," said Sirius. "Did you expect me to let them just take you away and put you down like you're some sort of… sort of… I don't know… but I would never let that happen."

"You knew," I breathed. "You knew, didn't you? What was going to happen if you took that money…"

"I knew, but it doesn't matter. I'd rather go through that the rest of my life being tortured than have not gotten that money and ended up dead!"

I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. It was my fault. It was all my fault.

"It's over, anyway," said Sirius, responding to my silence.

"Sirius, you were screaming for days, it's left something, you're remembering… it was really bad, right…?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter."

"It doesn't anymore, I don't intend on going back there, so it won't happen anymore. And if I'm still the heir, I'll get my key to the vault when I turn seventeen."

"It does matter, and no way you're going back, and I'm so… so… so, so, so, so, so, so, so, soooo sorry," I said, putting down my toothbrush and wrapping my arms around him.

"Please don't feel bad, Moony," said Sirius. "It is not your fault. But um… there is one really big problem…"

He pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, and the first thing I saw were deep wounds.

"Sirius, did they…"

"Diffindo," he said, "but that's not the big problem… this is."

He pulled the sleeve up further and I saw a tattoo. It was a tattoo of a skull with a snake sort of thing coming out of it, and I recognised it from somewhere.

"Is that real?" I asked.

"It's the dark mark," Sirius said, his voice faint. "They forced me… I didn't want to… they… the dark lord was there, and… and my mother and father held me down, my father held my body so I couldn't move, and my mother held my arm, and… and he… the dark lord… made the tattoo, and if I tried to move my arm my mother would do diffindo on my arm, but anyway… now I have the dark mark and I don't know if I can get rid of it, but I need to get rid of it…"

"Well… muggles can get tattoos removed, and I get this one's different, but it's worth a try?" I suggested, "And oh my god Sirius, I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine," said Sirius. "And yeah, that sounds like a good idea… where's the closest tattoo removal place?"

"Well, there's a muggle town just up the road…"

"OK, OK, can we go there, please? Right now?"

"OK, do you want James to come, or…?"

"I… I don't really want anyone else to know about the dark mark…" said Sirius.

"Alright, that's fine," I said, and the two of us walked out of the bathroom, then left James's house and started walking to the muggle town together. I quickly found my way to the one house I'd never forget the way to and knocked on the door.

"Um, hi?" Scott looked confused as he opened the door, and it was somewhat painful that he didn't remember me.

"Hi," I said. "I was wondering if you know if there was a place to get tattoos removed close by? We don't live around here."

"Er, there's a tattoo parlour behind the grocer's," said Scott, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "They probably do removals there."

"OK, thank you!" I said, and Sirius and I walked back into the main town.

"What's a grocer's?" Sirius asked.

"Food place," I responded. "They sell food. Groceries."

"Oh, OK," said Sirius, putting his hands in his pockets.

We walked into the Grocer's once we found it, then went out the back door to find the tattoo parlour. We walked in and the young worker stared at us.

"I'm sorry, but no one under the age of eighteen may get a permanent tattoo anywhere on their body, and therefore you two must leave," she said, playing with her fingernails.

"I… I need to get a tattoo removed," said Sirius. "Someone gave me one… illegally, so I came here to get it removed…"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Alright, sit down and I'll let you through in a minute."

Sirius and I sat down in two spare chairs in the waiting room, and I clutched his hand between our legs.

"It'll be OK," I said, and he nodded, looking at his shoes.

"Thanks, Moony," said Sirius.

He didn't really have anything to thank me for, given the fact that it was my fault we had to be here in the first place, but I didn't say that.

"Alright, you two underage illegal tattoo people can go through," said the worker at the front, and Sirius and I were led into a room by another worker.

"So… you 'ave a tattoo as a minor 'cause someone illegally tattooed ya?" the worker asked, and Sirius nodded. "A'right, lemme see…"

Sirius took in a deep, shaky breath and pulled up his sleeve. The worker raised his eyebrows at the wounds but didn't say anything until he saw the Dark Mark.

"Damn, that's a cool tattoo… an' this wasn'a professional tattoo ar'ist who gave it to ya illegally, obviously?" he asked, and Sirius nodded. "A'right, I'll grab ya the laser…"

He left to go to his storeroom and Sirius let out a long breath.

"You alright?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. "I'm glad. Really, really glad, it's just… erm, I just realised, we're going to have to pay muggle money for this, and well, we don't really have that…"

"Oh, you're right," I said. "D'you reckon I could run back to the Potters and go to Gringotts and exchange some money before you're finished?"

"Yeah, this might take a while," said Sirius, and I nodded, then ran out of the tattoo parlour.

I was a slow runner, but now I was running for Sirius, I ran so fast that I could feel the wind rushing against my face. As I was running, I came up with a better idea than going all the way to Gringotts.

I got down to Godric's Hollow, then, panting, ran into the Potter's house.

"Money," I breathed to a puzzled-looking James, who was placing the school photos album down. "I need money. I'll pay you back. Please, it's for Sirius."

"How much?" James asked.

"Just one galleon," I said, breathless.

"OK," said James. "Mum? Can I please have a galleon?"

"There's one on the kitchen bench!"

"Thanks, mum," said James, and he ran out to the kitchen and came back holding a single galleon.

"Thank you," I said.

"Are you going to explain what this is about?" James asked, handing me the galleon.

"Ask Sirius!" I cried, running out of the Potters' home and back towards the muggle town.

I ran back into the tattoo parlour and into the room where Sirius and the worker were in.

"It worked," said Sirius with a wide smile on his face. "It's gone."

I felt my face split into a wide, uncontrolled smile at the sight of Sirius so happy.

"Right," said the worker, "young lad 'ere told me ya'd gone to grab a coupla pounds for me?"

"Yeah, well… I have this gold piece," I said, holding up the galleon I'd gotten from James. "It's worth over a thousand pounds… but if you save it, it'll become worth more and more…"

"Lemme see that…" the worker took the galleon from my hand and studied it. "Looks legitimate to me… but why you givin' this to me?"

"Because you did such a great job getting rid of my friend's dar- tattoo," I said.

"That works for me," said the worker, shrugging. "'Ave a nice day."

Sirius and I left the tattoo parlour and burst out laughing once we were back in the Grocers.

"I can't believe muggles are that thick!" he snorted. "And god, you're a genius, Moony!"

I laughed. "Thanks."

"You're saying thanks? You're the brilliant one who saved me from becoming a Death Eater!" Sirius cried.

"Oh… thanks," I said again.

"Oh my god, Remus, can I go to a bathroom and snog you, please?" Sirius pleaded, taking my arm. "You're too good for me."

I grinned. "We really need to find somewhere better than the bathroom…"

We found a bathroom in the Grocer's, but our lips had barely even met when we heard something really loud. It was similar to a fart, but even louder, and was followed by the sound of water splashing and the worst smell ever.

"Oh my god…" I said, trying not to puke, and opening the cubicle door. "Holy mother of god, let's go…"

"That is not the mood," said Sirius, gratefully breathing in the fresh air as we left the bathroom. "Was that a fart that turned into a shit?"

"A shart."

"A what?"

"Half shit, half fart. I dunno, just sounded cool," I laughed.

"OK, then," said Sirius. "D'you wanna just go back to the Potters'?"

I nodded and we walked together back to Godric's Hollow, laughing and chatting about the shart.

"Remus… I know we're both happy right now, but I've been meaning to tell you something, that'll probably ruin it."

Sirius and I were alone for once. It had been a few days since he'd gotten the dark mark removed, and the day of a full moon, and the two of us were on the couch alone, because my parents and James's parents had gone out, and James had locked himself in his bedroom to do his Transfiguration essay.

"Yeah, what's that?" I asked, nervously.

"There's another really huge problem… something that happened that night at Knockturn Alley… I've been really scared to tell you, though, but I think you should know…"

"Why have you been scared to tell me?" I asked, looking at him.

"You'll be upset, or mad, I don't know… I don't think you'll like it," said Sirius. "It's just… after my mother found out I'd taken the money, she tried to get me to tell her where the money was and why I'd taken it by… y'know…"

"Cruciatus?"

"Yeah… and I wouldn't tell her for hours so she gave up on that and she… she used legilimency, and she basically looked everywhere in my brain and she found out… about what I did with the money, and… and about you. About the way I feel about you…"

"And… and what did she say about that?" I asked, feeling my entire body clench.

"Well… she tortured me again, and started calling me a bunch of slurs, and… and said some things about you… I don't want to tell you what she said, but I got so angry at her for saying those things about you, and I began screaming at her for it, and she said it was time I started to act right, and she called on the dark lord and he gave me the dark mark, and all that happened, and then they did the cruciatus again for a bit, then left me there, and um… I heard my mother telling my father it was to leave me there to die… but anyway, in conclusion, now my mother knows about us. And I just needed to warn you, because I'm worried that they'll… they'll try and hurt you…"

"Sirius, I'm… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry I caused all that, and you had to go through that… you deserve so much better than them," I said taking his hand. "If you'd rather… if I'm going to cause too much trouble… if you'd rather me to just stop… y'know… whatever this is, kissing each other and liking each other…"

"What!? No!" Sirius cried. "Unless you want to stop… I really don't want to, I really like you… and it's not your fault, anyway. You can't control my feelings!"

"Yeah…" I said, but I felt awful. He'd been tortured for hours because of me. He'd gotten the dark mark because of me. His own parents had left him out in the cold to die because of me.

Even as he began to kiss me soon after, I still couldn't keep the guilt out of me. It was so agonising I thought my skull was shattering and I wanted to be sick.