Author's Note: I posted the first chapter to this story about a year ago, which is crazy! I'm sure no one out there is really reading it, but it's still fun for me to write and take my mind off things. For anyone who is reading this, I hope you enjoy it and I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. The month after I posted the first chapter, several things happened in my personal life all at once and it took a long time to recover from, but I'm back! I'm not sure how quickly I'll be updating, but I'm enjoying writing and kind of making it up as I go, but I have some major plot points ready to go in my mind. A lot of major KH news has come out since I last posted. We got the trailer for KH4 and new interviews with the legend himself, Tetsuya Nomura. A lot of the ideas I have contradict with the new info we have about the upcoming KH game, but I've decided I am still going to go with the story I've had in mind. Happy 20th anniversary to KH!

Chapter Two: Memories Both Good and Bad

Two Months Later (Kairi)

The sand was warm and soft against my bare feet as I trekked across the shore. In the distance, across the calm waters, I could see the island that held so many of my life's memories. That very island carried me through the whole spectrum of emotions. Although my happiest days had happened there, so had some of my saddest, and even some of the most terrifying. These days, that place was mostly vacant. I rarely visited myself; the others that we grew up with had outgrown it and moved on to new things. Sometimes Selphie accompanied me, although I could always tell she wasn't very interested, but she still did it for my sake. Still, the majority of the time, when I did go there, it was alone. I sometimes liked to visit late at night; it was peaceful, with no chance of visitors or interruption. I would lay atop the paopu tree, listening to the waves crashing and basking in the moonlight. I would watch the stars twinkling radiantly, knowing that I was actually looking at the many worlds out there, so many of which he had saved and restored.

There were occasions that the island did see visitors, though, albeit rare. Sometimes, the local children would pay the place a visit. They would spend the evenings after school ended there, just like I used to every day with the two boys that became my very best friends. Those days, I decided not to visit myself. Instead, I watched from across the ocean water as the innocent and naive souls enjoyed the land just as much as I had when I was their age. Yet still, I would all too often find myself feeling betrayed by the island. The thought was ridiculous, but I would ask myself…did it forget about me? About Riku? About Sora? What if this place now viewed me as the visitor? Surely that couldn't be the case, right? My childhood…our childhood…is etched onto its walls in an entire shrine of doodles and memories in that hidden cave by the waterfall. Seeing new groups of kids playing alongside the shore was disheartening for me, but at least the island still harboured a warm and happy atmosphere.

This was exactly the case on this particular day. When school had let out, I intended to board my old wooden boat and travel the small distance to the island. When we were young, that very trip used to feel like a magnificent voyage to another world, an adventure riddled with pure exhilaration and anticipation for what we would do when we made it there. When I arrived at the shore and was met with the same boat I had used since childhood, it was the first time that I truly noticed the beating it had taken over the years. It was full of chips and scratches all over, but each one only gave it character and came with a story. There was a small crack along the side of the boat that caught my eye; I could remember the exact moment that it had happened.

The three of us were around 10 years old at the time. The last class before summer vacation had just ended and we couldn't be bothered to stop at home before going to the island together. Back then, summer break seemed to last forever and yet that still wasn't long enough. I remember thinking that I could have spent every moment on that island for the rest of my life if I had my best friends there to share it with me. That day, when summer vacation had just begun, we all rushed to our respective boats to make the expedition to the place we all loved. Sora and Riku were always teasing each other and up to some sort of shenanigans, so they both arrived, running with their legs perfectly in sync toward me, goofy smiles plastered onto their faces. I was waving for them to hurry and come get on their boats. When it came to visiting the island, patience became nonexistent. That day, one of our three boats had gone missing.

"Hey!" Sora exclaimed, hands on his knees from running out of breath. "Where's my boat?" We knew specifically which one was his. He had carved the image of a crown into the side of it, matching the necklace he always wore. He loved that boat, always expressing his aspirations of becoming a pirate when he grew up.

Riku gasped, a grin spreading across his face from ear to ear. "There!" He pointed into the distance, chuckling.

Sora turned to look in the direction Riku was pointing, only to see that his boat was in fact swimming away into the distance all on its own. I looked down at the dock and saw that the rope he had used to tie it to the platform had torn apart, likely from the wear on it from the sun and the intensity that could come from the ocean waves sometimes. Sora's eyes doubled in size at the horrific sight, the blue colour of the sky and sea alike illuminating the natural ultramarine tinge of his eyes.

Riku continued to cackle, tears welling up in his eyes as he held onto his stomach. "Looks like Captain Sora's boat has a mind of its own!"

Sora crossed his arms in response, huffing and puffing. "It's not funny, Riku!" He pointed at Riku, stamping his foot against the sand. "You have to take me on your boat so I can catch up to mine!"

"You wish!" Riku countered. "Maybe Kairi will take you." He giggled.

Sora was quiet, itching the back of his head and laughing nervously. I felt my cheeks get hot and I looked down at the ground.

"Come on, don't tell me you two don't want some alone time," Riku went on.

I looked at Sora, trying to read his reaction. I'd always felt really close to him, but lately I had started to become nervous around him whenever it was just the two of us and I was wondering if he felt the same way. He didn't look up at me, but stared at the ground as Riku continued to laugh at the situation.

"Er…" Sora sighed, the slightest hint of a smile brushing across his face.

Riku stepped right behind Sora, placing a hand on his back. "Off you go!"

"Hey! Wha-" Sora was cut off by Riku shoving him into the water and in the direction of my boat. I imagined that Riku's intent was to push Sora into my boat, but that was not quite what happened...Sora momentarily landed inside of it, but the force of the collision flipped the boat over with Sora inside of it.

Riku and I exchanged glances. His face was still covered in a mischievous grin. After a moment, my boat flopped back over as Sora emerged from the water, a look of displeasure written all over his face. The rope that held my boat against the dock was holding strong and didn't allow it to move very far during the impact, but when Sora swam away from it, I noticed the crack on the side.

"Hey! You broke my boat!" I exclaimed, hands on my hips. I knew that the damage was insignificant, but teasing Sora always made me laugh.

Sora turned around, noticing what I was talking about and stepped back, a small gasp escaping his lips. "Uh...ah...I'm sorry!" Then, his face shifted from concern to frustration when he suddenly turned toward Riku. "Look what you made me do!"

"Oh no...did I embarrass you in front of Kairi?" Riku teased.

I noticed that Sora's face became flushed, which brought an involuntary smile to my face. "Come on, Sora!" I declared. "Me and you can race Riku to the island in my boat. Then when we win, he has to swim to get your boat himself."

Riku smirked. "And if I win?"

"You won't!" I cried out, dignified. I grabbed Sora's wrist, pulling him toward my boat, which I quickly untied from the dock. Sora stared back at me with wide eyes, sitting inside of my boat and not saying a word. "Sora!"

He snapped out of it. "R-right! See you at the island, Riku!"

At that point, Sora and I faced toward each other in the tight quarters of my boat, a closeness I was not used to, but one that I found comfort in. While Sora was facing the opposite direction of Riku, I was looking directly at him. Before we began paddling, I took one last look at Riku, wondering why he wasn't rushing to his boat. He was always so competitive, especially when it came to Sora, so why wasn't he scurrying to his boat to catch up to us? I looked at him with a puzzled expression and in response, he simply gave me a thumbs up and winked an eye at me. It was then that I realized what he was doing; he was purposely leaving us to be alone together as we paddled our way to the island. I stared back at him like a deer in headlights, but he just gave me a toothy grin in response.

"Uh...you okay?" Sora asked. He must have noticed the look on my face.

I shifted my gaze from Riku to Sora. By that time, the shore where Riku stood was distant enough that I could no longer see him standing there and the sounds of the town were too far off to hear anymore. Now, it truly was just Sora and I and the only sound was the soft crashing of the waves around us, followed by the occasional song of birds in flight somewhere off in the distance. It was evening, so the sun was setting, and when I looked at Sora, the orange hue of the sky was reflecting onto his blue eyes, creating a colour that had no name, but one that I could never forget. I must have been staring just a little too long, because he tilted his head slightly, displaying a perplexed and flustered expression.

I finally answered. "I'm great." I smiled at him, taking in the moment.

He returned my smile with one of his own. He didn't say anything, but continued to help me row the boat toward the island. That was the first memory I had of him where I felt a deep connection between us, a feeling that hadn't left since.

Just like that day, the end of classes today marked the start of another summer break. But this time, I was the only one who would make it to the island. I watched as the sun was steadily falling from the sky, emitting vibrant orange and pink colours across the land. The Destiny Islands had a sunset, every single day, that couldn't be matched, not even by the likes of Twilight Town. Maybe this came from pure bias, since I grew up here and associated that very sunset with naive happiness and peace. That blissful feeling that came only when I was young, oblivious, and hadn't had the experiences I carry with me now. I was grateful for the things I had seen and done; I had learned not just the darkness and evil that existed out there, but the purity and light that existed all around us. But still, sometimes I wished I could turn back the clock and relish in those days of ignorant bliss. The times where I never imagined I would lose my friends. I had to face it; I had basically lost Riku, too.

My last conversation with him had become something that crossed my mind more than I cared for. The words he last spoke to me were some of the most hurtful and painful I had ever heard in my life. I was well aware that it hadn't been his intent. It was a moment of weakness for him, one where he slipped up and told me thoughts of his that he would never otherwise share. I think that the reason what he said cut so deep wasn't just because it was callous, but because I knew deep down that everyone else felt the same. No one looked at me quite the way that they had before. I couldn't have been the only one to notice it, but no one dared to say anything about it. Still, that day repeated in my head all too often.

I stared at Riku in the distance, rainfall pouring all around us and making my line of sight limited. This place was where I had come from, but not one that had ever felt like a home. My true home was back at the islands with my best friends and the boy that I loved, the one I was fighting so hard to bring back. Since his disappearance, we had all spent so much time here in Radiant Garden. Sometimes, Ansem would ask me if I could remember certain details about this place, if any of it gave me some sort of nostalgia. Oftentimes, I just nodded and smiled to appease him. He felt guilty about what had happened to me as a child, so I let him believe that I still held good memories here. The truth, though, was that everywhere I stepped in this place, all I could see was somewhere that he once stood. Sora knew this place better than I ever could. He'd explored parts of it I could never dream of and made so many friends here. He helped to restore it into what it is today. I was nothing more than a visitor in this place. Sora was the one who had made a home and a family here. That's why so many of its residents were so invested in the search to find him.

I charged forward after Riku, my footsteps splashing water every which way and making enough noise to announce my presence. It was rare that Radiant Garden would see rain, let alone a storm like this one. As pathetic as it sounds, it felt like the town was crying over its loss. But I knew that I was just projecting my own grief onto everything around me.

"Riku, wait!" I exclaimed, catching my breath as I reached him.

He turned around and faced me. "What are you doing out here? Go stay dry."

I brushed my wet hair back out of my eyes. "Stop doing that. Stop treating me like I'm fragile. You really think I can't handle getting wet?"

He sighed and half smiled at me. "It's not that…" He paused, shaking his head. "You should just get back inside. I have to get going."

"But you're leaving in the middle of the night again so I don't find out," I huffed. "You're going to another world to try to find him. I know it. Let me come with you!"

He grunted. "I have to do this alone, Kairi. You should just stay home and continue training with Aqua. I don't think you're ready…"

I stamped my foot in frustration, fighting every urge inside of me to scream at the top of my lungs. "I am so tired of everyone telling me that! I have been training for long enough! For what, though? All of you treat me like all of that means nothing, like I'm weak. I need to do everything in my power to bring him back. Just like he did for me."

Riku threw his arms up in the air and snapped. "That's just it! Don't you get it?!"

I stepped back a bit, jolted by his volume and tone.

He continued. "He did everything in his power to bring you back! Over and over again! That day wasn't the first that he saved your life. So I will be damned if I let something happen to you. Because then everything he did was for nothing. I can't accept that I lost my best friend for no reason."

I stepped forward toward him, clenching my fists by my sides. "But that's exactly the point, Riku! He saved me and if I sit on the sidelines and do nothing with my life, then everything he did will be for nothing. It'll be a waste. I have to fight this fight now."

"No…" His voice trailed off, before rising again after a brief pause. "This isn't about you. This is about him."

"...What's that supposed to mean, Riku?"

"Nothing." He looked down at the ground as he said it and I could tell that there was absolutely more that he had to say, but he didn't.

I reached out toward him, closing the distance between us. "Stop fighting me on this! I AM going with you!" I shouted.

He immediately stepped back from me. "You have done enough!" He hollered. "YOU are the reason that he's gone! I need to do this alone and don't need you in my way! How do you not see it? It's always been about you. Everything he did was to save you again and again. For once, it's not about you. All that matters right now is him. So can you JUST this one time, stop making everything revolve around you?" He paused, letting out a faint gasp.

I think he was even shocked at his own words; it was so out of character, which tore me apart even more. Everything was falling apart, but I hadn't realised the severity of it. The relationships between everyone weren't the same. We didn't have Sora to help us keep it together anymore. Who knew it would make such a significant difference? It made me question my friendships in the first place.

His voice made me snap out of my trail of thoughts. "Kairi, I…" His voice faded, likely because he did not know what to say, nor did I. "I didn't mean…"

I stopped him. "But you did."

He looked back at me, his eyes expressing nothing but dullness. He appeared lifeless, like someone I didn't know anymore. Then, he didn't even try to deny it or say anything else. He simply turned around and walked away, his figure eventually fading away into the night.

On days like this, I took comfort in long walks alongside the shore. I'd put in my headphones and shift my reality into what felt like another world, letting the music envelope me and run through my body. The type of music that I listened to always varied; my taste was diverse and I always let my mood guide my choice. Some days, I felt overwhelmed with optimism and high spirits. I liked to imagine that it was him sending a warm blanket of comfort my way. Other days could be quite the opposite. Those days, I was overcome by heartache and hopelessness. Then, there would be days that were somewhere in the middle...days where I felt dull, detached, and almost indifferent to everything happening around me.

Today was unique; I felt relaxed and almost impassive. It wasn't the emotionlessness I felt from time to time, though, but something a bit different. I knew that I was hurting; I knew that there was a constant nagging pain inside of me, but in this moment, although I felt its existence, I could stand it and tolerate it. Unlike the days that I either blocked it out or completely succumbed to it, I acknowledged and felt it within me, but I could breathe and handle it.

I sat down in the sand; it was slightly wet. I was just shy of touching the water. The dampness showed where the waves must have been reaching earlier in the day. I leaned back onto my arms, closing my eyes, and focusing on the feeling of the salty ocean mist gently brushing against my skin. I had the song I was listening to playing just quiet enough that I'd be able to hear the sound of the waves rushing onto the shore...again and again. It was a repetition that soothed me. I was listening to Landslide, a song by Fleetwood Mac. She sang about the fear of change, which was a concept that resonated with me. I feared that the ultimate change in my life, his absence, was something I would have to accept as permanent. Her voice was all around me as she sang as I took in everything she said.

I've built my life around you, but time makes you bolder.

And maybe that's exactly what I needed...to be bold, to attain the strength to appreciate my memories with him, while simultaneously moving forward and accepting that those memories would be all I'd have left of him.

More so than normal, that night with Riku wouldn't get out of my mind, replaying in my head like a broken record. I hadn't been able to forget a single word he spoke to me that day. It was a memory that always sat in the back of my mind, plaguing me with dreariness and sorrow. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if everyone else felt the same way that Riku did. Surely they had to and I felt ignorant that it'd taken me so long to see it. It had been months since it happened and it ripped me to pieces that we still hadn't seen or heard from each other since. I'd abandoned my training with Aqua, too ashamed to face anyone. Nowadays, it was just me and the islands; I was otherwise alone. In the ongoing search for Sora, I felt useless. Moreso, I felt pathetic that I'd spent all these months sitting here wallowing in self pity while everyone else was hard at work.

As I continued to look off into the sunset toward the islands, I began to make out the scene of two little boys playing amongst themselves on the shoreline. They were engaged in a playful duel against each other, both wielding measly little twigs they probably found tucked away amongst the many trees. As I peered at them, their figures morphed in my mind. In my eyes, they turned into my two best friends from so many years before. I could envision the long silver hair on the older looking of the two and the spiky brunette hair on the other; I pictured their lackluster sticks as the handcrafted wooden swords Sora and Riku used to flaunt in their many battles to try and best each other. I saw these two unfamiliar little boys and reimagined them as my oldest friends, back in the days when those wooden sword face-offs seemed to be the most challenging fight either of them would ever see. All of that had changed so quickly, it seemed, with no option of ever turning back.

I was jolted out of my trance when I felt movement close to me. I opened my eyes to see a familiar face now sitting beside me. I quickly removed my headphones, giving my attention to the person now sitting beside me.

"Lea."

He chuckled. "Still a bit odd to me…" He trailed off. "I prefer Axel. I feel like it suits me more."

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so. I feel like Axel is a thing of the past. Your history with the organisation…what happened between us…that's not the person I know, Lea."

He sighed. I tried not to bring up the past events that occurred between him and I all those years ago at the Castle That Never Was. I knew how guilty it made him feel and that was never my goal. I didn't fear him or blame him anymore; all was forgiven and none of that meant anything to me anymore. After all, Sora wouldn't have survived without him back when Xehanort tried to possess him. Lea saved Sora and my gratitude for that surpassed any negative feelings I could ever have toward him. Really, there was no one I could have ill will toward more than myself. Sure, Lea helped Riku to save Sora, but he'd slipped away again. Sora being gone was my fault and everyone else seemed to see it just the same, despite being too afraid to confess it.

He spoke once more. "Maybe…" He stopped, appearing to be deep in thought, a look he often had when we were training together before. "But the way I see it, Axel is the guy who met Roxas and Xion, my best friends. The guy who would spend his days eating sea salt ice cream at the clock tower with them after long days of meaningless work. Those are my happiest memories, you know. My happiest moments are with Axel."

I nodded, unsure of a proper response to his sentiment. I could honestly understand the exact feeling he was referring to, one of overwhelming nostalgia, the kind that ate away at you. Sure, he had Roxas and Xion again, but nothing was the same. Everyone was separated on their own missions, despite sharing the same goal. Each person had chosen their own path in finding him, some disagreeing on the best route to take, some isolating themselves completely. As far as I was aware, that might've been Riku. I wasn't sure of his whereabouts or what he had been doing, but I chose to believe that he had leads and was closer and closer each day to finding him. The unknowing was difficult, but also peaceful in the sense that it allowed for me to have just a bit of hope. I'd often hold my gummiphone in my hand, typing out a message to Riku, but never having the courage to send it. As much as I wanted to feel dignified, I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him. He had spoken the words that I felt toward myself all this time. I know it killed him to do it.

"So," I began. "What brought you here? You give up like everyone thinks I did?"

"What?" He exclaimed. "No! I wouldn't. Besides…why would you say that everyone thinks you gave up?"

I looked down, shaking my head. "Because I've been absent. Everyone, as far as I know, is still hard at work. Yet I'm over here like some sort of recluse doing nothing and out of touch with everyone. I know I'm not wanted. So…it's not that I gave up. I wish everyone knew that. It's just…being the burden, the constant elephant in the room, it hurts me."

"Not true…"

I exhaled. "Why are you here, Axel?"

"Well…" He looked straight ahead into the sunset. As we had been conversing, the sun had lowered significantly and nightfall was approaching rapidly. "We wanted to check on you, you know?"

"We?" I turned to face him, but he did not reciprocate or look toward me.

"Well…yeah. Riku mostly."

"Riku? Really? You're working with Riku?" I was flooded with a surge of emotions and thoughts. If they were in touch, that had to mean that they were still working together, right? Meaning there was still hope of finding him. Or…if they were still working on it…maybe they had made no progress at all. Either way, he and Riku didn't have much of a reason to be getting so close otherwise, so it must mean they hadn't given up regardless. Most of all, I was shocked that Riku cared to know about me.

"Jeez, don't act so surprised," he retorted.

I was silent.

"Look, he told me what happened between you two back at Radiant Garden, the night you disappeared. He feels bad about it…" He paused again. "Anyways…I just came to see how you're holding up. If you need anything."

What I really wanted was an update on the whole situation, but, at the same time, I was horrified of receiving bad news, so I held off on asking. "Well…I'm sad. But I'm here. I'm here because of Sora and I'm grateful for that. But between you and me, I feel guilty. Not just because he's gone. I feel guilty because sometimes, I feel resentful that he saved me. Nothing's the same without him. He may have saved me, but he left me here, and sometimes I wish I was just gone. And I'm awful for that." It was the first time I had admitted this out loud, or even to myself really.

"No…I don't think you're awful. Don't beat yourself up over it. No point in dwelling, though, right? Gotta make the most of being here…just like he'd want. Not for you to disappear."

"I think, as it stands…if I disappeared tomorrow, no one would miss me."

He finally turned to face me. "That's not true…I would."