*JENNIE
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"Jen." I hear Kai's voice before I see him, the little hairs on the back of my neck standing up the moment I register it's him.
Of course, he would choose today—the mother of bad days—to come add the big ole cherry on top of my mounting Sundae. Friday's are usually my favorite day of the week, but Friday has not been my friend today. Quite the opposite actually.
It started this morning with a group of girls who were clearly talking about me in Math class. They made a point to make sure I could hear what they were saying about how Lalisa was just with me to fuck me, and how stupid I was to think the show Lisa was putting on was actually real. One even went as far to say that Lisa had called her the previous night, and they had a good laugh at my expense.
I tried to brush it under the rug—girls being girls—but I'd be lying if I said the seed of doubt hadn't been planted and continued to sprout throughout the remainder of the day.
Sarah Jordan cornered me in the locker room after fifth-period gym and asked me if I had any idea how stupid I looked walking around on Lisa's arm like what we had going on was actually real. And then she had the audacity to laugh right in my face like I was the punch line of an extremely funny joke.
Now granted, Sarah and her group of teenage bullies aren't in the majority, but it still feels like the entire school is against me suddenly.
I take a deep breath and calmly close my locker before finally turning toward Kai, not surprised to find him leaning against the locker next to mine, arms crossed like he always used to do when he was waiting for me to get my things so he could walk with me to class.
The vision causes an odd sensation to run through me. A sense of déjà vu, if you will, and it takes me a second to snap back to present day.
"What do you want, Kai?" I ask, swinging my bag over my shoulder.
"I was hoping we could talk for a minute," he says, voice soft.
"About?" I don't buy into his nice act, tapping my foot against the floor like I couldn't be more impatient.
"I wanted to apologize for the other day." His words calm my annoyance a bit, but there's still this nagging feeling—like an involuntary tick, like I know something is coming.
"O-k-a-y," I draw out, giving him a chance to continue.
"It was wrong of me to come at you about Lisa the way I did. You didn't do anything wrong, and this isn't your fault."
"I'm sorry, what's not my fault?" I cock my head to the side, my eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
"Lisa gets off on landing girls like you. I can't fault you for falling for her act. You wouldn't be the first. I just hope you know you don't have to sleep with someone like her to get even with me. You've made your point."
"Wait, I'm confused." I hold a hand up between us.
"I know. My actions have been all over the place these last few months, but I get it now. I made a huge mistake the day I let you go," he quickly continues.
"Wait, what?" My mind can't seem to catch up to what he's actually getting to.
"I want you back, Jen. I want us back," he says, reaching out to trail his fingers lightly down my forearm. The contact causes my whole body to tense. "I fucked up and I'm really sorry, but I'm ready to move on—with you."
"With me? Kai, do you even hear yourself?" I try to control the anger that flares in my voice. "You cheated on me, remember?"
"I know, and I just apologized for it."
"You think an apology is just going to fix it? You humiliated me, Kai. Not only did you cheat on me, you made sure everyone in school knew why you were doing it."
"I made a mistake." He shrugs like it's no big deal.
"You made a mistake," I repeat his words, disbelief evident in my tone.
"Yeah, I did. I'm entitled to make a mistake, Jen. Not everyone is as perfect as you are," he grinds out.
"I'm far from perfect. The difference between you and me is that I actually care who my actions hurt, and I would never intentionally hurt or embarrass someone the way you did me. It's called common courtesy. Perhaps you should try it sometime." I turn, completely over this conversation.
"Where are you going?" Kai grabs my arm and spins me back toward him. "I'm not done."
"Well, I am." I jerk my arm out of his grasp.
"I'm trying to fucking apologize here, Jen." His voice echoes around us and I know, like the other day, we've gathered a small audience of students who haven't yet left for the day.
"Well, I don't want your apology," I say through clenched teeth.
"So what then, you're just going to walk away from everything we had for her." He points down the hall at nothing in particular.
"I'm walking away for me. Because I deserve better than you, Kai." I don't miss the way his eyes widen like I've just slapped him right across the face.
I wish I was that kind of person because slapping him is exactly what I want to do right now. Why can't he just leave me alone?
"Just wait—I give it two weeks and you'll be crawling back," he warns. "You think things are going to end differently with someone like her. Good fucking luck. When she fucks you and then dumps you, don't come crying to me. This is the only chance I'm going to give you."
"Thanks, but no thanks." I give him the biggest 'fuck you' smile I can muster before spinning on my heel and storming off down the hallway.
By the time I reach the parking lot, my hands are shaking and the adrenaline of what just happened seems to catch up to me. I'm so mad I swear fumes are going to start shooting straight out of my ears.
The nerve of him—does he really know so little about me that he thought he could intimidate me into getting back together with him?
I want to scream so bad that it feels like my chest is going to explode.
"Jen." I vaguely hear my name, but I'm too far gone to care. "Jen." I hear again but I keep walking, my face straight ahead just needing to get the hell away from everything and everyone before I lose it.
Don't do it, Jen.
Don't you dare cry.
Even as I think it the tears are already forming and spilling down my cheeks within seconds. I veer left, leaving the school parking lot on foot with every intention of walking home, but then I hear her voice again—Lisa—seconds before her hand closes down on my shoulder and eases me to a stop.
"Jen." She hesitantly steps around me, tipping my face upward when I refuse to look at her. "Jen. What the hell is going on?" she questions, her voice full of concern.
"I just need you to leave me alone, Lisa." I refuse to meet her gaze.
"What happened?" she repeats, this time her voice taking on a hard edge.
"You happened," I snap, directing my anger at the completely wrong person. "You, and your bullshit happened. It's been a week and already I've been talked about, laughed at, and ridiculed more than I ever have in my entire life." I throw my hands up, spinning in the opposite direction.
Lisa is back in front of me within seconds, her forehead drawn together in concern.
"What you mean? You haven't said anything." She once again tips my chin up when I try not to look at her.
If I'm being honest, it's because I'm ashamed. She's the last person who deserves my anger and yet here I am, placing all the blame on her when in reality she's one of the best things in my life right now.
"Because I don't like playing these stupid games." I swipe angrily at my tears. "Are you aware that I've been told at least ten times since Monday that you're only hanging out with me because I'm a challenge? That once you sleep with me you'll never speak to me again."
"Who's saying that?"
"Everyone's saying it." I cross my arms defensively in front of myself.
"Have I given you any reason to believe that's what my intentions are?" she asks, her voice so soft it makes it hard to not break into another fit of tears.
"No, then again, you really haven't said anything to me at all," I argue for no reason other than just to argue.
"Have my actions said to you that's what I'm after—to get you into my bed?" She reaches out, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Because if that's the case, tell me now. I never want you to feel like I expect something from you, Jen. I don't. I just like being around you. People talk, who gives a shit. At the end of the day, it doesn't change anything between us." Her hand lingers on my jaw. "You can't control everything and everyone around you. You have to learn to let go a little."
"That's easy for you to say." I push past the rush of heat her touch causes. "Not everything is so easy, Lisa. Maybe it is for you, but it's not for me. You've probably never had to work for anything a day in your life. Some of us don't have the luxury of just going with the flow."
"What are you saying, Jen?" she questions. "That you don't want to hang out with me because it's too hard?"
"Look, this was fun, but I need to refocus. I can't afford this distraction. I can't be listening to people snicker behind me because they don't think I'm good enough for you when I should be paying attention to the teacher. I can't afford to be late for class because I'm hiding in the bathroom stall waiting for the girls who are talking about me to leave. And I can't continue to have my ex-boyfriend causing scenes in the middle of the hallway because he's now convinced himself we should get back together. I just—it's too much, Lalisa."
"Wait, causing scenes how?" She ignores everything else I said and hones in on the Kai thing.
"It's—it's nothing." I sigh. "Just forget about it."
"It's not nothing. If Kai is giving you shit, I need to know about it."
"Why? What are you going to do?" I question, throwing my hands up in defeat.
"I'm going to teach him what happens when he messes with something that's mine." The possessiveness in her voice has my body reacting in ways I never expected.
"Yours?" I manage to push the word out. "You hardly know me."
"I know enough to know I don't want anyone else to have you."
"What are you saying, Lisa?" The clear shake in my voice gives away how much her words affect me.
"I'm in, Jen." She takes my face in her hands. "Look at me, I'm in. What more do I have to do to show you that I like you—I mean, I really fucking like you, Jen. You're not like any other girl in this school. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you walked out onto that balcony. You want to shut them all up, be my girlfriend."
"Lisa," I start, but she cuts me off.
"I'm not asking for them, I'm asking for me. Showing them all they're wrong is just an added bonus." A small smile spreads across her mouth. "What do you say, Jen? Will you be my girlfriend?"
Everything about the moment is so sickeningly sweet that it almost doesn't feel real. The way her gaze is locked on mine, her hands holding my face, her words dancing around me. I wish I could say I stand even a chance against her, but it should be pretty obvious by this point that I don't.
"I thought you didn't do relationships?" I see the humor flash across her face the moment the words leave my mouth.
"Correction—I didn't do relationships. It would appear as though that is no longer the case."
"You're serious?" I ask, surprised to find my own smile making an appearance.
"I've never been more serious," she says, leaning in closer. "So, Jennie Kim, is that a yes?" she whispers against my lips, waiting until I nod before closing the remaining distance between us.
She kisses me softly, and yet there's a sense of urgency as her lips work against mine. By the time we part several moments later we're both a little breathless, and my mind is once again complete mush.
"Come on." Lisa turns, dropping an arm over my shoulder. "I gotta drive my girlfriend home." She smirks, leading me back toward the school parking lot.
"I think that sounds good," I say, snuggling into her side.
"Which part?" she asks, looking down at me with a wide smile.
"The girlfriend part."
I hate how incredibly giddy I probably seem, but I can't help it. Lisa just pulls so many emotions from me all at once that I have a hard time keeping them all under wraps.
"Well good, because I intend to keep calling you that." She winks, pulling open the Jeep door for me the moment we reach it.
Instead of closing the door like I expect her to, she leans in through the doorframe and kisses me again, snapping my seatbelt in the process.
"Now that I'm your girlfriend, you feel the need to buckle me in?" I giggle against her mouth.
"Gotta make sure my girl is safe," she teases, kissing me again.
"You do this for all your girlfriends?" I ask, brushing my lips against hers.
"Well, considering you're the first." She pulls back and winks before giving me the cutest smile.
I don't say anything. I can't. Instead, I watch her step back, shut the door, and cross in front of the Jeep before climbing into the driver's seat. As soon as she's buckled she reaches for my hand, lifting it to her mouth where she places a gentle kiss on the back before resting them in her lap, forcing me to lean slightly into her—which I think is the point.
I can't help the small laugh that escapes my lips as she starts the Jeep and slowly pulls out of her parking spot.
"Something funny?" she questions, her voice playful.
"You're not at all what I expected you to be." I find the words leaving my mouth without actually meaning to say them.
"How so?"
"I don't know, I just always thought you were some conceited asshole," I admit on a shrug. "I never expected you to be so—nice," I admit, a little embarrassed.
"So you've thought about me before last weekend?" she questions, throwing a knowing glance my way.
"I didn't say that," I object, laughter in my voice.
"Oh, but you did. When you said you expected me to be a certain way- which means you've at least thought about what I'd be like. So tell me, Jen, how long has this obsession of yours been going on?" She chuckles, tightening her grip on my hand.
"Obsession?" I blurt. "Can I take back that thing I said about you not being conceded?"
"Nope." She shakes her head. "No take backs."
"And to answer your question, since freshman year," I admit, loving the way her eyes widen at my statement. "Well, your sophomore year," I correct.
"So you…" She lets the beginning of the question hang there.
"Have had a huge crush on you since the first time I saw you two years ago," I admit, looking out the window instead of at her.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asks like it should be that simple.
"Um, because you're Lalisa Manoban," I retort.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that I didn't believe I had a snail's chance in hell with you," I say dryly, surprised when Lisa laughs, the action vibrating from deep within her chest.
"Why are you laughing at me?" I ask dramatically, pretending to be offended.
"A snail's chance in hell?" She gives me a sideways glance, fighting off her laughter.
"What?"
"Who says shit like that?" she tries to hide her amusement, but it's written all over her face.
"Well, I do apparently," I huff, crinkling my nose at her as she pulls into the spot in front of my house, managing to put the Jeep into park without letting go of my hand.
She shifts toward me, her demeanor changing so rapidly it takes me a moment to catch up.
"God, you're so damn beautiful," she breathes, the dynamic between us shifting so dramatically I feel like I'm suffering from a case of whiplash.
Heat creeps up my neck and into my cheeks.
There's no way this is real. It's all I can think as those gorgeous hazel eyes hold my gaze. I'm transfixed, mesmerized, and for the life of me, I can't look away.
I find myself uttering my next words without a second thought.
"Do you want to come inside?"
The look that flashes across her face is like a kid on Christmas morning, her smile stretching from ear to ear.
"Okay, but only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself," she warns.
"Why?" I ask innocently, loving this little game we suddenly seem to be playing.
"Because I can't be held responsible for my actions if you touch me, Jen," she says, her voice almost strained.
"I promise to be gentle." I wink, quickly exiting the Jeep before she can even get a response out.
I have no idea where any of that came from, and a nervous knot instantly forms in the pit of my stomach. A part of me is very aware that I'm playing with fire, and yet the other part of me wants to test out the heat—see how close I can get without getting burned. Or maybe I want to just give up and let the flames engulf me altogether.
Lord knows when Lisa steps up next to me on the porch and looks at me like she's seconds away from devouring me right here on the spot, that's exactly what I want to do. Hell, I'm already holding the match in my hand, ready to set us ablaze.
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