*JENNIE
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"Are you really that nervous for me to meet this girl?" My mom chuckles behind where I'm pacing in the living room waiting for Lisa to knock.
Because of her suspension and the fact that her father decided to crack down on her going anywhere after the night she stayed over, we had to delay her coming over for dinner by a week. In fact, this is the first time Lisa's been here since the day after her and Kai fight.
I'm so glad to have the whole suspension incident behind us. Lisa is officially back at school, and things have since returned to normal. Well, as normal as they can be when you're dealing with someone like Lalisa. And right now, I'm wishing this was behind us as well.
Don't get me wrong. I want Lisa to meet my mom. I really do. But it just feels like such a huge step, and I'm worried my mom might scare her off. I mean, mom's amazing, of course, but she can also be very protective of me which sometimes doesn't always come across the nicest.
"No," I finally answer my mom after several seconds. "Yes." I stop pacing and turn toward her. "She's really important, Mom."
"Trust me, I know she is." She smiles when a knock sounds on the front door. "I'll play nice. I promise." She closes her hand around the knob and yanks it open before I can say anything else.
"You must be Lalisa." Her smile widens, and she steps aside to let Lisa enter. "Please, come on in. Jen is over here nervously pacing. I think she thinks I'm gonna embarrass her," she teases, closing the door behind Lisa.
Lisa steps into the foyer, looking so handsome in dark jeans and a black polo—her normally unruly hair combed back away from her face—that it takes everything in me to keep the drool from pooling out of the sides of my mouth. My god, this girl is perfect.
As if reading my mind, a slow smile plays on the corner of her lips as she takes in my reaction. Offering me nothing more than a wink, she turns her attention back to my mother, handing her a beautiful arrangement of wild flowers I hadn't even noticed she was holding until this very moment.
"These are for you. Thank you for having me over, Mrs. Kim."
I have to choke back a laugh at how formal she seems. Of course, she's probably used to having to behave a certain way around adults, considering her father hosts a lot of professional gatherings at their house that Lisa is forced to attend.
"Oh, how thoughtful. And please, call me Elizabeth." My mom takes the flowers, looking at me with wide eyes as if to say Oh my god, she's so cute—and sweet. You did good, kiddo. Even though she doesn't say a word of that, I know that if Lisa weren't here to witness it, that's exactly what she would be saying to me right now.
"I'm going to go put these in water. Lisa, please make yourself at home."
"Thank you." Lisa gives her another one of her famous smiles, waiting until mom disappears inside the kitchen before closing the distance between us. "I missed you," she says, tipping my chin up and placing a soft kiss to my lips the second she reaches me.
"I missed you more." I smile up at her, my earlier nervousness evaporating.
I should've known there was no reason to worry. Everyone who meets Lisa loves her. How can you not? She's gorgeous, smart, well spoken, and so damn charming you can't help but be mesmerized by her.
"Not possible, Jen." She winks, turning her attention back to my mom as she reenters the room.
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It's been two hours since Lisa arrived, and I swear this night could not have gone any better if I had dreamt it up. Lisa won over my mom just as she did me, with absolutely no effort.
About halfway through my mom's homemade lasagna, I had to sit back and take it all in for a moment. It was strange how natural it all felt—me, my mom, and Lisa all sitting around the kitchen table laughing and talking like we'd done it a million times before.
I knew within minutes that my mom more than approved of Lisa, and I didn't realize until that moment how badly I needed that approval. Knowing she supports our relationship makes me feel like I can be with Lisa more freely.
And that's so important because there's something else I realized today as I watched my mom and Lisa's interaction with each other. Something I think I've known for a while now and maybe just let myself admit…
I'm head over heels, undeniably consumed by everything that Lisa is. Her smile, her touch, the way she says my name. I love every single thing about her.
I've fallen in love with Lalisa Manoban.
I'm so in love with her that I'm terrified by the power of it, and yet it's all I want to feel. I want to bathe myself in the weight of that love and hold onto it for dear life because now that I've experienced it, I never want to let it go.
"You're awfully quiet tonight." Lisa knocks her shoulder with mine as we walk side by side down the sidewalk toward where Jessie the Jeep is parked on the street.
"Just thinking, I guess."
"Oh yeah, about what?" she asks.
"You," I answer truthfully.
"Tell me more." She laughs, pulling me into her chest the moment we reach the street.
"My mom loves you." I look up into those incredible hazel eyes and wonder how on earth I ever got so lucky.
Another whoosh of uncertainty sweeps through me. The kind of uncertainty I feel anytime I let myself think too long on how or why Lisa chose me. I push it down, refusing to let my own insecurities ruin this perfect night.
"She's amazing." She grins down at me, rubbing the pad of her thumb across my bottom lip. "She's everything I wish my own mother was."
"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say.
I am sorry. Sorry that she doesn't know the true love of a parent. Sorry that she was born to people who don't deserve a daughter like her. Sorry that she's missed out on the kind of love my mother shows me every single day.
"Don't be. I'll just borrow your mom." She kisses me gently, her touch like fire to my chilled skin.
"I think I'd be willing to share, under one condition of course," I tease, pulling back to look up at her.
"Name it."
"You have to promise not to break my heart."
I don't mean to say it. The words sort of just tumble out, my heart speaking rather than my mind. I try to formulate words to cover my blunder, but my brain can't seem to conjure anything up quickly enough.
"That's one promise I'm confident I can keep." She grins, her reaction calm and understanding. "I'm all the way in with you, Jen. A hundred percent. You're all I care about, you have to know that. I would never—I will never, intentionally hurt you, ever."
"I'm all the way in with you too, you know?" The look she gives me has my knees feeling like they might give out under my weight.
"Jen," she breathes, dropping her forehead to mine, her hands resting on each side of my neck. "Fuck, I love you."
My entire body freezes at her words.
How is it possible that she just expressed the exact emotion I had settled on just earlier this evening? Certain I heard her wrong, I stare blankly into her eyes waiting for some indication that I'm not hearing things.
"Did you hear me, Jen?" She pulls back, her hands sliding up to cup my cheeks. "I'm in love with you."
Tears instantly fill my eyes, and I struggle to form words. This moment couldn't be more beautiful, and here I go ruining it because I can't seem to get my brain to work.
"You do?" It takes me a second to realize it's my voice that extends between us.
"I do." She smiles, her gaze holding mine intently.
Closing my eyes, I take a moment to compose myself before opening them again. Her bright hazels are still locked on mine, something in them I'm convinced I've never seen before.
"I love you too, Lalisa," I finally manage to push out, not missing the relief that floods her face when I do.
It didn't dawn on me that she'd been waiting for a response.
Seconds later her mouth is closing down on mine, and it's not lost on me that this kiss feels different—more passionate, more intimate—than any kiss we've shared up until this moment.
It's like she's trying to prove to me with her kiss that her love is real, and I'm reassuring her with mine that I already know. I know she loves me. In some weird way, I think I've known it for quite some time. The way she looks at me is unlike any other person has ever looked at me before—like I'm her world.
It's both incredible and overwhelming, but it's something I wouldn't give back for anything in the entire world.
I love this girl, and she loves me.
I can't imagine life gets any better than this.
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"Wait, so tell me again how she said it." Jisoo's sitting on top of my bed, legs crossed in front of herself while Rosé lounges next her.
"I've already told you like five times." I plop down on the foot of my bed and let out an audible sigh.
"I know, but I want to hear it again." She smiles dreamily at me. "It's not every day that the school's hottest girl confesses her love to one of my best friends. I need to bottle this shit up so I can revisit it for years to come. It's like a fucking fairy-tale."
I laugh. Only Jisoo would pair the word fucking and fairy-tale together in the same sentence.
"It kind of was like a fairy-tale," I admit, pulling my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.
"Oh my god, look at that smile." Jisoo nudges Rosé who seems a bit off tonight. "I give it another week and our girl will finally join the land of non-virginity." She bounces excitedly, shaking the entire bed.
"One step at a time." I laugh, not bothering to tell them that it's been on my mind a lot here recently—especially after the things Lisa said to me this past Monday.
"I don't know what you're waiting for," Rosé finally chimes in, seeming to snap out of her fog a bit. "It's just sex."
"Not everyone is quite as casual about it, though," I remind her, knowing Rosé and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to anything sex related.
While she uses sex as a way to feel connected to another person, I'd rather share a deeper connection than physical before giving that part of myself. Call me old fashioned, but I think you should love the person you're sleeping with.
I know a lot of it has to do with Rosé's past. She was sexually abused at a very young age, and I know that will stay with her for the rest of her life. I just wish there was a way to show her that she's worth more.
"Whatever, I'm with Rosé," Jisoo interjects, and the two high-five. "You just need to do it already."
"I will—eventually. I'm not in any rush and neither is Lisa."
"Look, I'm sure she's telling you that, but do you really think that's the hundred percent truth?"
"Well considering if it wasn't for her we would've already had sex, I'd say yes, she's a hundred percent," I blurt, wishing I could take it back the moment it leaves my lips.
"Wait, what?" Jisoo's smile spreads. "You mean to tell me you've been willing to and she wouldn't?"
"That's exactly what I'm telling you," I huff. "I got a little carried away the night, well, you know…"
"When she flipped your bean." Rosé's choice of words makes my stomach coil a little.
"Yes, that." I clear my throat. "Well, I might have asked for it—a few times—but she insisted I wasn't ready and has since refused to take the next step until she believes I am."
"Wow." Jisoo sits back against the headboard, arms crossing over her chest as she considers my statement.
"Wow, what?" I ask after several seconds.
"Just wow." She continues to smile at me. "You've got that girl wrapped around your little finger, Jen. I'm not gonna lie, I thought her whole love confession might have something to do with wanting to get you into bed sooner, but learning you were already willing and she's making you wait." She shakes her head. "I'm kind of impressed."
"Um, okay." I chuckle, not really sure how to respond to that.
"I mean, Jack has talked about Lisa's ways, and I gotta say the girl he described is nothing like the person she seems to be when she's with you. Kinda makes me jealous. I wish Jackson loved me enough to change for me."
"Y'all have made it official. That's something," I offer, ignoring my need to ask what kind of things Jack has said about Lisa.
I think it's better that I don't open that can of worms. I trust Lisa, and I trust what we share. I don't need to make something out of nothing.
"Yeah, I guess." She shrugs, picking at a string on her pants.
"What about you and Felix?" I turn my attention to Rosé who seems to have retreated into wherever she's been most of the evening.
I don't miss the brief look of something dark that crosses her face before her easy smile falls back into place.
"We're good." She doesn't offer anything else.
"Just good, huh?" Jisoo snorts. "Considering he never lets you out of his sight, I'd say he's either really into you or really possessive. My vote is for the latter. If you ask me, I think he's kind of scary."
"He has a temper, and he's kind of an ass." Rosé brushes off Jisoo's comment. "But he's only like that around other people. When it's just us, he's good."
"Okay…" I can tell Jisoo wants to say more, but she refrains. The whole situation makes me feel uneasy, and yet I can't seem to put my finger on why.
I agree, Felix seems a bit controlling, but what Jisoo seems to be suggesting runs deeper than that. I can tell by the way she's looking at Rosé. I can also tell that Rosé has no desire to discuss it any further with Jisoo, so I quickly intervene.
"Okay, I've had enough talk. What do you say we go rent the new Timothée Chalamet movie?" I suggest, laughing when Jisoo's eyes go wide and she grins at me knowingly.
"Girl, you know I can't resist my Timothée." She giggles, flinging her legs over the side of the bed.
"I'm in." Rosé follows suit, climbing off the bed seconds after Jisoo does. "But first we need to order pizza. If I don't get some greasy food into my body, it's likely going to go into shock."
"Pineapple and Ham?" I ask, making my way into the kitchen to get the phone number to Angelo's from a magnet hanging on the fridge.
"You know it." Rosé follows me in, grabbing a soda from the fridge.
"Don't get me that nasty shit." Jisoo stops in the doorway leaning against the frame, her nose crinkling in disgust.
"Yes, I know—meat lovers for you," I call over my shoulder.
"Because we all know how much Jisoo loves the meat." Rosé snorts, leaning up against the counter.
I look from Jisoo to Rosé and then back to Jisoo before all three of us burst into a fit of laughter. Once it starts, it's nearly impossible to stop. As soon as it passes and my laughter starts to die off, Jisoo or Rosé will start laughing again and pull me right back under.
This is exactly what I needed, a night with my girls. Some time for us to catch up, laugh, binge eat greasy pizza, and watch sexy men on television. It's something we don't get to do nearly enough anymore. We are all so busy with our own lives.
While I love my time with Lisa, our quickly growing relationship feels almost too heavy at times. I mean, it's incredible, but it's nice to just let go of all of that for a while and enjoy a night with my two best friends.
With only a year and a half left before graduation, I'm not sure how many more of these nights we'll get.
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