*JENNIE
..
..
"Come on and just pick one already," Rosé whines through the dressing room door where Jisoo is currently trying on yet another dress.
Rosé, who's less than five weeks away from giving birth, picked out her dress after trying on a whopping two. She settled on a light blue, knee-length number that's fitted in the bust and flows out over her belly. Even at eight months pregnant she looks gorgeous in it. Even though I can tell the pregnancy is wearing on her internally, externally she looks beautiful. Pregnancy really suits her.
"This is prom. It needs to be perfect," Jisoo retorts, coming out of the dressing room wearing a floor-length red gown that does wonders for her complexion. She looks stunning. Then again, she looked stunning in the last twenty dresses she's walked out in as well.
"That one." Rosé smiles, her feet stretched out in front of her as she lounges in one of the dressing room chairs, her hands splayed across her belly.
"Yeah?" Jisoo questions, turning to look at herself in the floor-length mirror in the corner.
"Definitely," I agree, hoping maybe she'll actually take our advice this time.
I, like Rosé, picked my dress pretty quickly, only trying on a handful before settling on the perfect one. It's a strapless pink gown that hits me about mid-calf. It's simple and elegant which is completely my style. I'm not nearly as flashy as my two best friends. Then again, I never have been.
"I think you're right." Jisoo stares at herself for a long moment, nodding in approval.
"Thank god." Rosé sighs loudly. "Do you see how swollen my feet are?" She holds up a flip flop-covered foot, her ankles about twice their normal size.
"God, I'm never having kids," Jisoo says, shaking her head.
"Yeah, right," I disagree. "You say that now. Give it a few years."
Jisoo starts to object but is quickly cut off when Rosé abruptly announces, "I'm moving to California."
Not really sure where this is coming from, at first I'm not sure if I believe her. I can tell that Jisoo is right there with me.
"Shut up." Jisoo snorts.
"I'm serious. As soon as the baby is born. Honestly, I'm only staying that long because my doctor is here." She says, looking up to where the two of us are standing completely blindsided by her announcement.
"Wait, you're serious?" I question, my chest tightening.
"I am. I can't subject this child to what I grew up with. I won't. And honestly, I'm scared that if I stay here Felix will try to take the baby from me just out of spite. I think it's the right decision all around. My grandparents' have already cleared out a room for me and the baby and have talked to the local high school about me transferring for senior year."
"You're really leaving?" Jisoo blurts, still not seeming to fully process the news.
"I am." Tears swim in Rosé's eyes as she stands.
I can tell she's trying like hell to hold it together. She's cried more times since she's been pregnant than I've seen her cry during our entire friendship. I know it drives her crazy because she's never been one to show a lot of emotion.
"Trust me, the last thing I want to do is leave the two of you." She closes the distance between us, taking my hand in one of hers and Jisoo's hand in the other. "But if I'm going to give this baby the best chance at a good life, I have to get it away from my mother and Felix. My grandparents' have already agreed to watch the baby during the day so I can go to school and graduate normally. I think this is the right choice all around."
"Rosé." I fight back my own tears.
"You can't leave us," Jisoo interjects, her voice swimming with emotion as well. "It's always been the three of us."
"And it always will be," She squeezes both of our hands. "I will come back and visit from time to time, and you guys can always come to visit me in California."
"But nugget." Jisoo rests her free hand on Rosé's belly. "We won't get to see him grow up."
"Yes, you will. I will send pictures, and we will see each other as often as we can. Besides, this isn't forever. This is just until I can establish myself on my own two feet and become stable enough to provide a life for this baby."
"I don't like it." I finally find my voice again. "But I get it. And I'm proud of you." I force a smile. "You're going to be an amazing mother."
"Thank you." The tears Rosé has been holding back finally spill over and once they do, mine and Jisoo's follow.
It's so hard to imagine my life without Rosé in it. She's always been there, her and Jisoo both. Now, not only am I losing Lisa, I'm also losing one of my best friends—someone who is like a sister to me.
What started out as a fun, carefree day has morphed into an emotionally heavy and mentally exhausting one. By the time we leave the dress store just a few minutes later, all I want to do is go home and try to forget that next month is going to be one of the hardest I've ever had to face.
Unfortunately, Jisoo insists we all go out to dinner afterward, so it's well after nine o'clock in the evening by the time she drops me off outside of my house. I throw her a half wave before making my way up toward the front porch, surprised to find Lisa sitting on the steps waiting for me.
I jog toward her, knowing that after the day I've had she's the only person I want to see. That is until I spot the bottle of whiskey dangling from her fingers.
"Lisa?" I question hesitantly, knowing immediately that something isn't right. "What are you doing here?"
"I didn't have anywhere else to go. I just couldn't stay there. I couldn't stay there another second," she mutters more to herself than to me, taking a long drag from the bottle.
"Hey." I take a seat next to her on the steps, angling my body to face her. "What's going on? Talk to me." I slide my hand across her shoulders.
"I can't do this. I can't fucking be who everyone thinks I should be. I'm going insane." She pounds on the side of her head with a closed fist, the abruptness of her actions cause me to jump slightly.
"Lisa. You're drunk. Why don't you come inside and we can talk?" I suggest, not realizing how inebriated she is until this very moment.
"I don't want to fucking talk!" Her voice echoes around us, her menacing gaze finding mine.
I can honestly say that I've never been afraid of Lisa, but there's something scary about the way she's looking at me right now—her eyes full of rage and unpredictability.
"Okay, then tell me what I can do?" I try another angle, not really knowing how to approach her in this mind state. I've never seen her anywhere close to this drunk before, and it's clear something happened to make her want to drown herself in a bottle of whiskey.
"Unless you can somehow magically grant me new parents, there's nothing you can do," she bites, taking another long drink.
"What happened, Lisa? Did your father do something?" I ask, knowing things haven't been easy for her on the home front recently.
Things have gotten much worse between her and her father since her parents learned that she had accepted the offer from LSU. Lisa knew that losing the control over her future was going to be a tough pill for her father to swallow, but I don't think even she expected the backlash she's gotten because of it.
"Define do something?" she says flatly, staring straight ahead.
"Please talk to me?" I plead, wrapping my hand around her bicep in an effort to get her to look at me.
"What do you want me to say, Jen? That I'm the biggest disappointment in the world? How having me was the biggest mistake of my father's life? That he wishes I had never been born?"
I open my mouth to say something but can't find any words. I knew Jonathan Manoban was a piece of work, but this is a new low even for him. The anger I feel boiling in my chest only increases the pain I feel for Lisa. How any father could say those things to his daughter is beyond me.
"Fuck. He's right, isn't he? I am a fucking disappointment," she adds bitterly.
"No, you're not. Don't say that." I quickly reposition myself in front of her, taking her face in my hands as I force her to meet my gaze. "You are not a disappointment, Lisa, not to me. You are the most driven, talented person I've ever met, and I am in awe of you every single day. You make me want to be more like you. You make me want to fight for the things I want and believe that I can do anything. You did that, Lisa."
"Did I?" Her voice softens. "Because from where I'm sitting you're just another person in a long line of people I've let down."
"How did you let me down?" I argue, not letting her look away when she tries.
"I chose college over you?" She phrases it like a question.
"No, you chose to better our future by doing what's right for you right now. You're right to follow your dreams. You're not choosing anything over me, you're choosing it for me."
"If you believe that then you're even more delusional than I thought." Her words are like a slap across the face, and I immediately let my hands fall away. "I chose it for me. Because that's what I do, I make everything about me."
"You're the least selfish person I know," I insist, not letting her attempt to hurt me get in the way of talking her off the ledge. She's trying to push me away, and I won't let her self-implode because of some bullshit her dad said to her.
"No, I'm not, Jen." She stands abruptly causing me to stumble backward a couple of steps. "I shouldn't have come here." She takes off through the yard toward her Jeep which I just now notice is parked across the street from my neighbor's house.
"Lisa," I holler after her, following close behind. "Lisa," I try again when she crosses the street and throws open the driver's side door. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I make a grab at the nearly empty whiskey bottle, managing to catch her off guard enough to yank it free.
"What the fuck, Jen," she roars, grabbing for the bottle but missing it by a centimeter.
Launching the bottle as hard as I can, it hits the curb on the other side of the street and shatters into a million pieces.
Lisa just stares at me wide-eyed for what feels like an eternity before the realization of what I just did seems to catch up to her, by which time I'm already trying to wrangle the keys from her hand.
"What the fuck, Jen," she repeats again as she rips her hand out of my grasp.
"Give me the keys, Lisa," I seethe, doing everything in my power to pull her arm down so I can reach her hand.
"Get the hell off me," she growls, attempting to climb into the Jeep.
"You are not going anywhere right now." I practically crawl into her lap, still fighting to get the keys away from her.
"The fuck if I'm not." She lets out a roar before she's lifting me in the air and depositing me on the street in one swift movement.
I don't even know how she manages it. One minute I'm halfway inside the Jeep, the next I'm far enough away that she's able to swing the door shut without hitting me with it. I immediately make a move to open it again, but Lisa quickly locks it seconds before the engine purrs to life.
"Lisa." I beat on the driver's side window. "Please don't do this. Please," I plead, knowing half the neighborhood can probably hear me right now.
Running to the other side of the car, I manage to get the passenger side door open just as she pops the Jeep into drive. Realizing her mistake of not locking all the doors, she slams the vehicle back into park and turns her blazing glare on me.
"Get the fuck out of the car, Jen," she practically screams in my face.
I'm a little taken aback by the way she comes at me but quickly retaliate.
"NO!" I yell back twice as loud. "I'm not going to let you do this. I'm not going to let you push me away because of some fight you had with your father. Newsflash—I AM NOT YOUR FATHER. I don't give a shit what he says about you, Lisa. None of it is true. Do you hear me? None of it."
"Please, Jen. Just get out of the car. You don't know what you're talking about."
"Then tell me, Lisa. Just talk to me."
"I can't!" Her temper starts to slip. "Don't you see that! You would never understand."
"Why? Because I don't have a father," I bite, knowing full well that's not what she meant but letting my emotions get the better of me.
"Exactly, Jen." She throws her hands up in exasperation. "Because you don't have a father." Her tone drips with sarcasm. "Just get the fuck out of the car so I can leave before I say something I can't take back."
"What? Say it. Say what it is you want to say, Lalisa," I press on, knowing I shouldn't, but I'm unable to stop myself.
This situation is spiraling out of control, and honestly, I have no explanation for why it even started to begin with. We've argued before, of course, but we've never fought like this. Nowhere even close to it. In fact, until tonight, I can't remember a time when Lisa has even raised her voice at me, let alone yelled right in my face.
A part of me knows it's the alcohol talking, but it's impossible not to take every single word and action as a slice to my heart. This is not my Lisa. This is not the girl who just yesterday looked at me like I was the only thing in the world she could see.
I have no idea who this person is, and that thought scares me more than anything else.
"Get out of the car, Jen," she demands again.
"I am not letting you drive like this. If I have to sit in this car all night I will, but I refuse to let you risk your life or someone else's because you insist on behaving like a lunatic. Grow up, Lalisa!"
"Jen," she warns, her voice low, "so help me if you don't get the fuck out of this car right now…"
"What, Lisa?" I cut her off. "What could you possibly do to me that's worse than what you're doing right now? Do you even hear yourself?"
"Get. Out. Of. The. Fucking. Car. Jen." She punctuates each word.
"No," I repeat in the same tone.
"Then you leave me no fucking choice." With that, she pops the Jeep into drive and takes off like a bat out of hell.
I scramble to get my seat belt on, not for even one second considering that she would drive away with me still in the car. It just goes to show she's way beyond the point of talking down. It's clear she's not in her right mind, not even a little bit. I know deep down Lisa would never put me in danger, but the fact that she's now speeding through town so drunk she can't keep the Jeep in her own lane tells me I made a huge mistake in thinking I could control this Lisa.
"Please pull over, Lisa. Please!" I plead, hanging on to the door when she takes a corner too fast and nearly flips us. I can feel the passenger side wheels come up off the ground seconds before they slam back down, causing the vehicle to bounce.
"Lisa!" I scream, panic starting to set in.
This is it. It's all I can think. This is how I'm going to die. I can see it so perfectly. And yet, I wouldn't go back and change my decision to get into this car. If it means there's even a chance I can stop this insanity then it was worth the risk.
"Lisa." I soften my approach, reaching out to touch her arm.
She jumps at the contact, flipping her gaze to mine. As if the reality of what is happening hits her like a ton of bricks, I can see the panic flash across her face seconds before the Jeep is screeching to a halt just on the outskirts of town.
I don't have time to think about myself or the fact that my heart feels like it's going to explode inside my chest from how quickly it's beating. All that matters is Lisa. The way she crumbles in her seat, a sob tearing from her throat.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" she screams into her hands.
I don't know what to do.
Do I comfort her?
Do I let her get it out?
How do I fix this?
I don't even have time to answer my own question before I see the red and blue lights behind us. Lisa seems to notice them the same time I do and when her gaze finally meets mine, I swear I can physically feel my heart splitting inside my chest.
"I'm so sorry, Jen. I'm so fucking sorry." It's all she has time to say before she's being removed from the vehicle.
Minutes later she's placed in handcuffs and shoved into the backseat of the police car while I'm forced to stand here and watch helplessly, knowing there's not one thing I can do to help her.
I don't think I've ever been more scared for someone in my entire life. But it's not only Lisa that I'm scared for, I'm scared for me as well. I'm scared what this means for her. But more than anything I'm scared what this means for us.
..
..
..