Severus sat at his kitchen table, head in his hands, processing recent events. Hedwig was perched on a chair next to him.
The more he thought about it, the more sure he was - Potter had intentionally drunk the whole thing, wanting to snuff himself out of existence. And had nearly succeeded. Severus kicked himself for not having seen it coming. Of course a boy who had lost all will to live would take the chance at a quick, easy death. He must have planned it ever since Severus had offered to brew the potion. Yet again, fool that he was, he had nearly caused the boy's demise.
It had happened so fast. Severus had barely time to react, let alone think through his options. But there had really only been one course of action: to send Potter to the only place he could go to grow and develop all over again. Back to the womb. And Severus' had been the only one available.
So now what was he going to do? This hadn't exactly been the plan. For now, it was straightforward enough: carry Potter until he was full term and give birth to him next year. He had nine to ten months to figure out where Potter should go after he was born. Lots of time to think it through and make the right decision.
He dropped his hands and looked at Hedwig, who was staring at him. "Well then. That only leaves finding you a new home."
She screeched, ruffling her feathers indignantly.
"Don't pitch a fit. Your wizard won't be coming back for a long time, and it will be years before he would require your services again. May as well move on with someone new."
Hedwig flapped onto the table in front of him and blinked up at him.
"I don't send or receive letters. There would be nothing for you to do."
Hedwig pecked at his fingers. Severus could only guess what was going through the bird's mind, but he figured it was probably close enough to the truth.
"Your loyalty is commendable, but you must realize it won't be the same. Just because I'm... carrying your wizard. I will do my best to take proper care of him, I assure you."
Hedwig walked over and rubbed against his arm. He sighed in defeat.
"Fine. You may remain for the time being. After I give birth to him, however, both of you are going to new homes."
Hedwig ignored him, still rubbing his arm.
Severus knew mentally that he was pregnant, but it took a while to fully sink in. He didn't feel any different. He didn't look any different. Sometimes it seemed like Potter's few days there had only been a bizarre dream.
But his owl was still there, always nearby. She liked to perch atop his wardrobe in his room, or on the back of the sofa, or on the back of a kitchen chair, or on a table in his lab, wherever he happened to be. If he moved to another room or went outside, she flew after him. He let her out every night to hunt, and every morning she returned, tapping on the kitchen window with her beak. Once inside, she resumed keeping him close.
"Do not follow me," he hissed as she tried to fly into the bathroom with him. "I do not require constant supervision!"
Come to think of it, he was visiting the bathroom more often these days. Over time he began to notice other little things that were off as well. Even his unhurried lifestyle was making him tired, and he started needing naps to get through the day, which was unusual for him. Certain foods were now quite unappealing, and he passed them by in his greenhouse. Sometimes he was a little nauseous, but thankfully it was managed by nibbling throughout the day.
He took it in stride, not panicked by the changes occurring. Growing up knowing he was a male bearer meant he'd had plenty of time to accept the idea and do research on the subject. There wasn't anything to be found about wizard pregnancies specifically, but the process worked mostly the same, and Severus was the type who preferred to be prepared however he could.
Not that he had been hopeful of ever needing this information. Even now, he couldn't say he was having a child of his own. That would never come to pass. He was only minding Potter until next year when he could be adopted by a deserving family. Somewhere with a nice mother and father and maybe siblings to give him the loving home life he'd missed out on before. Not a lonely existence with a hermit of a wizard who knew nothing about raising children.
This was the best he could do for the boy, and he hoped it would be enough.
"When did that happen?"
Severus had removed his nightshirt in the bathroom and found that his stomach was distended. It seemed to have popped overnight - he was fairly sure it hadn't looked that way yesterday.
He let himself run his fingers over the slight curve. It had been bound to happen sooner or later, and he was already two months along.
"Just how fat am I going to get with you, Potter?"
No sense waiting to find out until after he couldn't fit into his clothes anymore. It wasn't an issue now, but seeing his stomach begin to grow was a reminder that he had better not wait to prepare for that inevitability.
Hedwig was perched on his wardrobe when he came in to get dressed. She had relaxed a bit about needing to be in the same room as Severus all the time, but she still liked to know where he was.
"I am heading out. I may be hours."
Hedwig hooted.
"I will be cautious. I have no wish to jeopardize the safety of your little wizard. But I must see to clothes before he gets much bigger."
The white owl was satisfied, and tucked her head under her wing.
Once dressed, and after another trip to the bathroom, Severus transfigured his features to lessen the risk of being recognized, a precaution he always took whenever he ventured forth from his cozy residence. He left the house and Apparated to a town he visited on rare occasions when he required something he couldn't find or make from nature.
He strolled through the streets, the natives milling about on their own business, until he came to a little tailor shop he knew to be a wizard establishment. There were mostly Muggles in this town, but there was enough of a magical population for some of the businesses to have a secret side to them.
The tailor was surprised at Severus' request.
"Looser, you say?" The little old wizard looked his slender frame up and down in disbelief. Severus wasn't skin and bones anymore - outdoor living had added some lean muscle and replaced his pallor with healthy color - but he wasn't brawny at all, and the tailor expressed his doubts. "Any looser and they'd be falling off you."
"Never mind that. Just show me what you have, please. And make sure it is black."
Skeptical, the tailor fetched what he had.
Minutes later, Severus had on black robes that were indeed far too big for him. He had the sleeves and hem adjusted, but left it hanging loose around his middle. Only a matter of time before Potter filled up the space.
"This is sufficient. I'll take two."
The tailor shook his head in confusion, but complied with his customer.
Severus left with his new robes, satisfied. These should be enough to get him through his one and only pregnancy. No point overspending on a whole paternity wardrobe. Thank Merlin he hadn't been asked any more questions about his strange request, or had been showing enough to give it away. He didn't want to advertise the fact that he was a male bearer with a child on the way.
He realized he was clutching his stomach, and let go.
As people went by, he subtly watched them, looking for friendly faces. He never made any effort to get to know anyone, showing his face as little as possible. How was he going to know for sure who would be good parents for Potter? They were all strangers, and he still had no plans to become very social. But he needed a way to quantify who would make a fitting family for the boy, and he needed to figure it out by next year.
Once home, he set to washing his new robes. They wouldn't be needed for a while yet, but he wanted them clean and ready.
Hedwig flew in and watched him work up the suds.
"Mission accomplished. I can get as fat as necessary in these."
She hooted.
"Just wait. You'll see what I mean."
Severus woke up from a nap. Who knew tending to the greenhouse would be so exhausting? He yawned and scratched his stomach. Almost three months along, and it was further distended, starting to push against his shirt and trousers. He wasn't big enough to switch to his loose robes yet, but he knew it wouldn't be long.
Hedwig saw he was awake and flapped down to the bed, standing in front of him as he lay on his side. She nipped at his fingers until he started stroking her feathers.
"You're a nuisance, you know that?"
She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand.
"Potter must have spoiled you. No wonder you miss him."
He was certain by now the white bird was waiting for her wizard to come back. Sometimes he caught her staring at him with those wide, amber eyes. No telling how much she understood, but she must have known Severus had something to do with it. Yet she didn't seem to blame him - she simply kept an eye on him while apparently warming up to his company.
Severus hadn't ever had an owl of his own; he'd grown up knowing how to use magical owls, but hadn't gotten his own before he'd run away, and out here there wasn't any point since he never sent or received correspondence. There was nothing for Hedwig to do, as he'd tried to tell her before, but she showed no signs of wanting to leave. Every morning after her nightly hunts, she was back, tapping on the kitchen window, and Severus would let her in. It was no trouble having an owl around, really. What wizard would object to keeping an owl? It only seemed silly since he had no jobs for her to do. But she seemed content for now to be a pet.
He didn't know how long he'd been petting the bird before he sat up. "Alright, let me up. I've things to do."
Hedwig flapped onto the bedpost, and Severus put his shoes on and left his room. Before he could step outside, Hedwig flew up to join him.
October brought drying plants and dropping temperatures. Severus had his cloak on, though loosely, while Hedwig flew on ahead, enjoying the chance to stretch her wings. Severus had his basket on his arm as he strolled to where he knew he could find certain potion ingredients. He liked to stock up while he could before winter hit. The walk in cold weather helped wake him up after his nap - he didn't like sleeping even part of the day away, even though he knew rest was necessary while pregnant. He took his time as he searched for ingredients, stooping down when he found certain plants he could dry up for later, putting them in the basket.
When the sun was setting, Severus made his way back to the house, bunches of herbs in his basket. Hedwig flew ahead aways, waited on a branch for him to catch up, then flew ahead a short distance, keeping him in sight.
"Don't worry about me, I know my way back. I've lived here far longer than you have."
Hedwig ignored this, not flying too far away.
A sound made Severus pause, but only briefly. A coyote was howling in the distance. He hastened his pace a little. It was a rule of his to keep a respectful distance from the carnivorous wildlife, for everyone's benefit. Hedwig caught on, flying a little faster.
They hastened into the house, still hearing the howling behind them. Severus stood in the kitchen, realizing his heart was beating rather quickly. Then he noticed one hand was gripping his stomach. He dropped it, then took the basket to his lab. Processing his new ingredients would help him calm down.
It had been a normal response, he decided. A bit of adrenalin to keep him alert wasn't a bad thing. After all, he had Potter to think of for the next several months. It was his responsibility to keep him safe. He liked to think it was safer out here away from humanity, but there were always wild animals around, who didn't share human moral codes. Best to stay cautious.
Hedwig flew onto his shoulder and hooted in his ear.
"I'm alright. Both of us are alright."