Date posted: 29th June 2022
Thanks to 7th for checking for errors and being my Kargo wingman. You the best.
Chapter 13: The Corporate Ladder
"It's not just healing cuts and bruises, you know. The undead are a very real, very dangerous threat and Restoration magics can keep them at bay. Not to mention the benefits of wards! How can they continually overlook wards! It's baffling!
- Colette Marence, Skyrim
Mother always told him to not be like his father. Always staying out late at night, drinking with his friends, and coming home, pissed drunk. Well joke's on you, mom! I don't have any friends!
Norio Fujita, also known as Nezha, apprentice smith of Fort Eternal Vigilance, was currently nursing a splitting headache. The celebrations of yesternight at the fort had gone a little out of hand. He didn't even remember how he ended up a good few miles from the fort. When he woke up, he recognised the place as the Bronze Axe Inn which he sometimes went to when he wanted something to eat. He wasn't the only person there, Nezha recognised a few of members of the Guard too, similarly passed out.
"Ugh, what time is it?" he asked no one in particular.
"About an hour before noon." A glass of water slid into his hand. "Looks like you fort folks had a really wild party. That'll cost you two Col by the way," said a gruff voice.
Nezha patted himself down. "Uh, I'll open a tab."
"Sure thing, you ain't the first," said Mama Kanya as she returned to the kitchen.
The smith rubbed his eyes. He couldn't remember much of last night. He wasn't a big drinker aside from the odd corn beer here and there, this was his first proper time getting absolutely shitfaced. Well, first time's for everything.
He ordered some porridge to fill his belly, dreading the walk back to Eternal Vigilance. He tried to recall last night's events, they came at him in patches, with the wrong faces and details.
First, he and Lisbeth were invited up to the stage to show off the labour of their sweat: «Wicasa's Legacy». They worked overtime on the sword for a week, making sure every little detail was perfect. The pink haired senior was firm but fair, a far cry from his college professors who couldn't care less whether he succeeded or failed. And to his own surprise, he was fine with the overtime. It was like how Aincradian dwarves would fall into a 'fey mood', withdrawing from their family, claiming a workshop, kicking out any other dwarves that dare intrude, and demanding materials to finish their project. Yet the end product was often of high quality and could become a clan's legendary artefact.
It wasn't exactly that, but it was similar; just a few days before the party, they suspended all other projects. Fortunately for the fort, there was no high demand for everyday wares. They completed the sword just before sunset. The two smiths, drenched in sweat, only had a few precious hours of rest to get ready. But in the end, it was completely worth it.
After they descended the stage, half the fort came to congratulate them. Yeoman Dupon gave his hair a fatherly ruffle. Old Lady Ohkwáho gave him some candy. The warriors of the Watch praised his workmanship to the heavens, along with Lisbeth. Then someone handed him a mug, and here was …
Oh shit, that's right. "Hey, have you seen my friend -"
"She's passed out in my barn," said Kanya. "Bring her along with you."
After the meal and washing his face, the sun damn near blinding him when he walked out, he found Lisbeth sleeping on a dairy cow. The bovine did not seem to mind the extra warmth. "Hey, hey. Lisbeth-senpai. Wake up."
She threw a clumsy punch which he easily avoided. "Nhgh, just a few more hours, mom. The goblins … they bully me!"
It was very strange seeing the cheerful professional completely drunk like this. "C'mon, c'mon. We gotta get up. It's almost noon."
"I wangh toast. Can't go to clashh wiffout toast."
He dragged her to her feet, the smith's face as pink as her hair. "Hey, Nezha. Watchu doing here so late, we haff work to do, ya know. C'mon!"
Then, she threw up on his shoes.
Half an hour later, a hydrated and less drunk Lisbeth was on the road, apologising profusely. There were the other recruits with them. One of the newly assigned sheriffs, Hugo, if he recalled correctly, was on horseback and herding them as if they were cattle.
"It's alright, not the first time that's happened."
"College parties, huh?"
"Yeaaaah." He stopped a moment before saying, "I studied at Osaka University, Designing."
"Oooh, that explains the neat detailing on the scabbard. You're pretty good at it." Not really, he was mediocre at best but he wasn't gonna voice that.
She continued, "Me? It was Robotics, Institute of Technology."
"Whoa, senpai. You must be really smart!"
She made a face. "What? Naaaah. I got into that by complete luck. I barely survived the first semester and I'm pretty sure I'd have been kicked out at some point."
"Why weren't you?"
Lisbeth gave him a look and Nezha understood what she meant. "Ah right. Video games."
"Goddamn video games."
They spoke of other things. The upcoming tournament, the food, the prizes, the progress of the game and the like. His headache had lessened, turned into an annoying drum that he could easily ignore. The sun was bright and the sky was blue. Lisbeth was a pretty girl, but he didn't consider her in that way. He was, for the first time in a long while, happy.
"Hey, if we get outta here, we could start a shop together."
Nezha did a double take. "You really mean it?"
She shrugged. "Let's face it, we're both expelled from our unis at this point. We're basically comatosed. But just because it's a video game, doesn't mean we can't apply our skills back in the real world."
"You thought this through, huh?"
She grinned and tapped her head. "Who do you think really is the brains of the Kirito Corporation?"
"Not you. You had to pull out an abacus to count how much 60 plus 40 was."
"What did you say, newbie?"
"Uh, I mean. It's clearly you, o wise and mighty Lisbeth-sama!"
"There ya' go. But no brown nosing, nobody likes that."
They laughed. But an idea came to him, it might be his only chance. "So what do you know about our illustrious employer?"
"Kirito? Oh, he's a nice guy. Like super nice. You know how I joined the company?"
She told him of how she had come to Kirito to beg for food, approaching the merchant at his campfire on the roadside. Nezha could scarcely believe it. He could not even imagine the proud and competent smith, the woman who could pound an ingot into a helmet in thirty minutes flat, malnourished, dirty, and in rags. "And he just pulled out a piece of vellum from his sleeve," she snapped her fingers, "like that!"
"No way. You?"
"It's all true! The contract too, he's a drama queen like that."
He nodded. "I see. So you know him well?"
"Well, Asuna-chan has been with him the longest. Followed by Sinon-chan and Argo-chan, but the latter has known him the longest, as I understand it."
Those partners of his were scary, yet for some reason, he never saw Kirito wearing a sword. Not the fearsome Throatcutter he recalled from the beta. "So is he strong?"
"Odd question, but I guess. He's got the weight of an entire tribe on his shoulders."
"No, I meant like. Physically. Is he a good fighter?"
She laughed. "A particularly annoying rabbit once came into our camp and he climbed up a tree to get away with it."
Well that bizarre. "Kinda weird for a guy to join a game with Sword in the title and not learn at least some basic self defense." Even Nezha had a handy falchion he kept on him when traveling. Wait, did he gamble away his only weapon last night?
She thought a bit before answering. "Hmm, I don't know. You might want to talk to him about that."
"I-I … don't know, he seems kinda busy."
"What, you haven't met him?" Lisbeth looked genuinely surprised.
"N-no, I have. He gave me the sword we worked on." Wait, why was he so nervous? Kirito's just another player, not some monster.
"Then go! He should probably be in his office, just be sure to knock. Especially if the other girls are around."
"Why, what's up with the other girls?"
Lisbeth blinked. "Nevermind. Anyway, we should get back to work!"
The fort was in view now. "Okay, but you owe me a new pair of shoes first."
Thirteen weeks. They had been at Fort Eternal Vigilance for three months. Progress was explosive.
He had never accumulated as much wealth as he did before even back in the beta. Months of dev testing, fighting in dungeons, killing other players, they all paled in comparison to the amount of money that the Kirito Corporation was bringing in.
He recalled the math: according to the official dev guidelines, it was expected that a dungeon, assuming done solo, had a 1:5 ratio of wealth expenditure:wealth gained. As an example, if the loot inside a dungeon is worth 500 Col, you were expected to spend 100 Col worth of supplies (medicine, food) to get that 500 col.
A prime example of this were the many undead tombs around Aincrad. One may wonder, why the tombs in the castle were filled with undead wielding masterfully made bronze weapons and armour?
According to the dogma of the Thekos Deka, the Holy Ten: Lord Aincradius, the man turned deity, the Great Unifier, took a grievous wound during a battle against (the texts aren't clear on this). He was entombed at (a civil war broke out and all references to his resting place are lost) to heal, but one day, he will return during the Eternal Chaos, and the faithful shall rise from their tomb-barracks to join the God of War against the (the Aincradian Schism happened and burned down the only library containing his last will). The warlord was Alexander the Great, King Arthur, Jesus Christ and the Mahdi rolled into one extremely violent man.
That was besides the point. Anyway, a small village tomb may have someone's great-great-grandpa. They would commission the local smith to create bronze gear for the deceased because unlike iron or steel, bronze does not rust and stays sharp for thousands of years. Then some wily necromancer, a goth kid who was probably also a theater kid, would sneak in the tomb, practice their unholy magicks, and revive old great-great-grandpa. The family, unwilling or unable to put down grandpa, would contact their local temple, and the temple would hire a sellsword to put him down. Usually, the contract states that sellswords may not loot a tomb. Not a single player has followed this contract to the latter, as Kirito understood it. You know how much money a bronze cuirass sells for? A lot.
A single player was usually sufficient to dispatch this, assuming he was the appropriate level. The game dev would create the tomb, assign a mob to it, and fill it with the appropriate amount of loot, using the 1:5 ratio to ensure that the player will, assumingly, be victorious.
But that's not how it often works out. An adventurer may run out of food or water on the way. They may break their ankle traversing the hostile terrain, or be grievously wounded in the dungeon. The adventurer will require medicine to heal. And even in the event that a player succeeds with no harm done to them, their gear needs to be patched. Nicks in the blade, broken arrows, sundered mail, split shields, the works. The 1:5 ratio may seem generous, but it wasn't - it was just enough.
Kirito would know - he helped design the ratio after all.
But the trading? He doubted anyone at Argus, not the lead director Kayaba, nor the guys behind the game's economy, could fathom how much money player merchants would rake in. Once upon a time, all potions tended to be contained in glass bottles. Until one day, a certain player had the bright idea of making a hardy canteen inlaid with glass to contain the vital medicine. He had the invention patented at numerous courts, and now every single adventurer carried one.
And that player would go on to create the Aincradian Players Mercantile Guild.
His mind drifted back to the meeting with Miyuki 'Marco' Kutaragi, guildmaster of the Merchant's Guilds, on his Mankhlar trip with Argo. The merchant was still at Betty's Bistro, just like the last time they met. He arrived there first.
"Hello, Kirito-san. No angry letters written in chicken blood again, hmm?"
Marco was a handsome man, neatly groomed, and tall. He wore simple peasant's clothes, neither too cheap nor too expensive, and gold rim glasses. A cup of tea was set before him and he was writing something in his little black journal, which Kirito actually noticed was a bible. That alone must have cost a fortune; it meant that there was at least one player that had memorised the entire text, or it was assembled by a group of pious Christians. He could not begin to imagine how that book came to be, which spoke of how wealthy Marco was.
He ignored the jab. "Let me buy you lunch."
They ordered two plates of pasta. It was common etiquette that the inviter paid for the invitee. It also showed that he was a man of wealth and taste.
"I like your silver embroidery, Kirito-san. Your tailor must be exquisite. You must recommend them to me."
I sewed this robe myself, is what he wanted to say. But rich folks don't make their own clothes, they have others make clothes for them. "I'll be sure to tell them that."
Meals finished, a fresh pot of tea brewed, they got down to business.
"A tournament! Fascinating. I've been to a few, but I've never run one myself."
"Indeed. And I even did the math." He showed the guildmaster his calculations, carefully prepared on good vellum. Kirito tapped his fingers nervously. This felt, strangely enough, like an interview. He had done many of them in the past few years, more than any teenager needed, but someone had to keep the lights on.
Marco hmmm'd and aaah'd, raised his eyebrow a couple of times and sipped his tea. This feeling … it was comparable to a dungeon dive jitters: the silence before the ambush, the slow sneak up on a monster, and the rappel down a deep dark hole. When he died in the beta, he just came back to life. But a failure like this? It could mean not enough money for the fort. A large number of people were counting on him to make this deal work.
"The numbers … they're not right."
A cold shiver ran down his spine. "W-what do you mean they're not right?"
Marco tapped on the parchment. "Kirito, there's an error here. Your grain supply is five times the amount needed. Jesus Christ, man."
They went over the calculations, and they concluded that Kirito had added an extra zero where it wasn't needed. Meaning that, "Kirito, how do you have so much grain?"
Kirito told him. Marco's eyes bulged. "You have how many acres of land?!"
"Shhhh!" Kirito looked left and right. "Don't shout like that!"
He explained further: the Three Sisters method of growing corn, bean and squash, the fish from the river, the meat from cattle and bison hunting, all amounted to a large amount of food. "We haven't harvested them yet, but those are our estimates." As long as the Watch can keep eyes on necromancers and horse raiders, anyway.
Marco shook his head. "And pray tell, why do you need the Merchant's Guild backing you up for this?"
"... because I need the money for te tournament?"
"Kirito, you have more grain surplus than the average town. Not only could you feed twice the amount of tournament attendees three meals a day, you could do that, and have enough food to last you through winter and spring!"
The merchant blinked. "Oh."
"With the right customers, like those on the upper floors in the desert region, or hell, even just selling them to the Clearers, you'd probably make more money than the loan you're asking for."
He held up a hand. "Hold on, why are you telling me this? Wouldn't this mean you're losing out on a profit with the interest rate?"
Marco tapped his bible. "Look, I know we're all stuck in a Death Game, and the world sucks and we don't have the Internet, but I was raised believing in the Good Word. It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God," he quoted.
"Why would a camel want to go through the eye of a needle?" asked Kirito.
"It's just saying. Secondly, I want us to get out of here. But I want to do that fairly. We live in a fantastical medieval world with fantastical medieval morals, not a socialist utopia. I am making money to help my fellow man. Why do you think I give so much charity to the orphanage back on the first floor?"
"That line must be really popular with the chicks, huh?"
"Shush, I'm making a point here." He finished his tea before continuing. "What I'm saying is, you don't need the guild's money. You're a better merchant than you give yourself credit for."
He felt himself blushing at that. "I mean, I'm okay I guess."
"No, you aren't okay. You are good. In fact, you're one of the best damn merchants in the entire guild. You have no idea how many players come to my office, ask for a loan, only to not be able to pay back. The other month, a group of friends asked for a loan. They're sick of fighting, they want to contribute to Clearing by way of being merchants. So I gave them a small loan. They completely failed at raking in any profits. And now, they're working as caravan guards."
"Well at least you didn't whack them," he joked.
"I'm a merchant, not Yakuza."
"What's the difference?"
They both laughed, then looked around just in case.
Marco stood up. "Tell you what, I'm gonna give you a small loan so you can pretty up your fort that you play warlord in. But instead of interest, I'll ask for a favour instead."
Kirito narrowed his eyes. "What favour?"
"I haven't decided yet. Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Fair?"
"Yeah, that sounds fair." Kirito had it all wrong, Marco wasn't that bad of a guy. They shook on it.
It was not until he was halfway back, on the road, did he realise what Marco was quoting. "Shit!"
"What?" asked Argo, awakened from her sleep.
"Nothing, just go back to sleep."
"Well you woke me up, seems like I need help going back to sleep. Maybe a warm body, eh? Eh?"
Kirito flicked her on the nose and she stumbled back into her rat hole/tent.
So now here he was, looking at his accounts for the hundredth time. No matter how hard he looked, high and low, he could see no error. It was completely perfect, and everything was going according to plan.
Tupi, who had watched him scrambled at his accounts for the entire morning, finally asked, "If everything's perfect, then what's wrong?"
"That's the thing, Toops. Nothing's wrong. That's the problem."
Kirito found himself walking the ramparts. It was a windy sunny day and the fort and its surrounding was abuzz with activity. The announcement of yesternight had given the entire fort a surge in energy, as if someone casted Haste on the population.
To the south was the main road, recently cleared and filled with gravel, patrolled by soldiers of the Watch. Wagons were coming in, merchants from Fort Arrowhead, the iron from the mines, and other settlements as well.
To the west were the new homes, recently finished, constructed with virgin timber. Yeoman Dupont's childrens were working or playing with their Orage neighbours, fathers were at work with carpentry and the women were cooking together. A set of temporary homes were constructed to house the influx of attendees.
To the east was the Magula river, far off into the distance, and branching off it, bordering the fort's land, was Second Sister. A fleet of logs floated down, hauled by burly men by the docks. The excess would be sold to other tribes and settlements, another form of revenue.
To the north overlooked the training field. Soldiers of the Watch were training, sparring, shooting and wrestling. They looked not so different from the armies of Clearers - the bowmen of Titan's Guild, the heavy infantry of the Sons of Mars, or the spearmen of the ALF. More than once, Kirito had found himself acting not too dissimilar from the likes of Thinker or Ridwan. He just happened to be pretty hands off with the whole training thing.
His mind wandered back to his harem - no! Business partners. This was not a shitty fanfic of a harem anime. Asuna, Sinon and Argo were just friends! That's right, close female friends. Who just happens to have an intense desire to lay with him.
A walk and fresh air, that's what he needed, yes.
He was on the training field, watching the troops go at it. Sergeant Hamid, one of the Nadyah officers, was currently teaching some of Free Tribes the way of the fist, throwing a much larger man to the dirt. According to what Kirito had heard and the Nadyah merchants he met, the Kingdom of Rivers was a tropical jungle filled with swarthy folks and every one of them was an adept sailor. Part of him immediately thought of building a navy and just as quickly abandoned it. Merchant Captain Kirito - a preposterous idea.
Hamid noticed him. "Commander in presence!" he barked and snapped a salute. Everyone turned around and did the same.
"At ease. How's training going, sergeant?"
The ex-merc nodded. "None of these idiots can throw a punch, much less use a dagger. When the lines meet and your spear is too long for you, you need to learn how to wrestle your way out of problems. But don't worry lord, I'll beat these sorry excuses for recruits into shape."
"I'm going to join the tournament!" said one of them, a girl with thick farmer arms. "Win myself that gorgeous sword!"
Hamid smacked her in the back of the head. "You don't even know how to stand in a line and you think yourself a Granum ksatria?!"
Kirito merely smiled. "I wish you all the best."
Next was the archery butts. According to what Tupi said, due to the threat being inward rather than outward, it was safer and easier to use crossbows than bows. Sinon was the instructor, acting her role not too different from her time back training the goblin militia.
Sinon nodded at him. "Kirito."
"How goes the training?"
The recruits practised using wooden bolts, with targets at 100, 200, and 300 yards. Most were using the stirrup method of reloading, but a few were using goat foot's levers and windlass. "They're fine. Perisno Sharpshooters they're not, but I'm not asking for headshots, just they don't miss."
One of the shooters let loose at one of the hundred yard targets, missing completely. "Trooper Hensel, get down and give me fifty!" she barked.
"Sir, yes, sir!" said Hansel, dropping to the ground in his full mail. At that, everyone took their time taking aim.
"Impressive as always, Sinon-chan."
"I can show you more impressive things later tonight," she said quietly, a callused finger from a thousand bow shots brushing the back of his hand. He didn't pull back. "Besides, the Rat already had her way with you last night. It's not fair, is what I'm saying."
"Never gonna give up, huh?"
"I'm a hunter. I've tracked beasts for days or weeks at a time."
"So am I a beast?"
She flashed teeth. "Depends how big you are. Argo tells me that you've quite the package."
He blushed madly. Argo was easy to tease, he knew all her weaknesses. Sinon was the opposite despite the two being very similar in their forwardness. "Did she now?"
"Where is that minx anyway? I haven't seen her."
"When Asuna and you barged in and left, she was so mad you ruined the mood, she stormed off. I haven't seen her since." And he had the worst case of blue balls in years.
"Well, if you can't find her, you know when to find me, handsome," she husked and winked. When he turned to leave he felt just the slightest brush of her fingers on his ass. "I liked your shorts, it really shows off your assets. Wear them for me tonight, would you?"
He left without looking back, Sinon laughing. Damn that woman, he thought. He really needed to get rid of it.
Well, it was comfy. Maybe he'd keep it around.
He found Asuna and Robert in one corner of the field. Strangely, they weren't drilling in the usual line infantry but group sparring. No, wait, it was a complete free for all - every single Watchman fighting each other with no sense of camaraderie or cohesion. They were using their real weapons, but seeing as the entire area was tagged as a Safe Zone, no one was in any real danger of dying.
As he thought this, Corporal Hwiatha slammed his tomahawk into someone's back. Said someone was the Wall, who was an entire mine's worth of metal, and he struck back with the rim of his massive aspis shield.
"What's going on here?"
The ex-bandit turned to him. "Ah, milord. Ever since you announced the tournament, the men instead wanted to train how to fight in groups or by themselves. So instead of the usual drill, we're fighting in mass melee."
"Well, I suppose there is some tactical benefit to that." Kirito felt like a hypocrite saying that; he himself used to do a lot of it.
He continued to watch the melee with the master-at-arms. He didn't enjoy watching people spar, it made him want to go at it. Oh, long gone were those days. To get into a fight was to put himself in danger and he wasn't going to risk that. Cowardly? Absolutely. But someone had to come home to Sugu.
As Robert shouted orders and tips, not unlike someone watching a soccer match, Kirito focused on one particular person. His eyes were on her.
Asuna was a whirlwind of melee. Separ shield on her left arm, shamshir in her right fist, she parried and struck and blocked all who opposed her. Clad in a gambeson of white and red; a shining breastplate; and her skull was encased in a steely bascinet, beaked like a great bird of prey and decorated with white and red feathers. It was a far cry to the green and white surcoats of the Eternal Watch. She was drop of red in a forest of green.
Her sword whipped at her opponents like a snake and she was never still, always on the move. In the short time he was watching her, she had downed another recruit.
Corporal Git Guld came at her, katana swinging. He was fast but Asuna caught the katana with the edge of her shield, another came at her - Gretel had her spear in both hands aiming right at her spine. Kirito's mouth opened to shout -
There was no need. Asuna whirled around, knocked the offending spear thrust with her shield and with a rapier-esque lunge, struck Gretel right in her noggin. She turned just as quickly to face Guld again. She sidestepped his overhead swing and savagely kicked at his knee and cut him in his exposed back - two opponents down in ten seconds.
And for the briefest moment, their eyes met - hazel and brown. There was fury and passion that burned even in the dim of her casque, and he couldn't help but smile.
He couldn't see her face, but her eyes smiled back.
It was the momentary distraction the rest needed. "Everyone, swarm the warchief!" Hiawatha shouted.
In an instant, the melee shared a single vision, and Asuna wasn't part of it. Brave Asuna fended a few off but the numbers were too great. Someone tackled her to the ground and everyone started hitting her with tomahawks, warclubs and threw in the odd kick. Kirito flinched, oof, that did not look good.
Robert roared, "Alright, everyone get off the captain and back to actual fighting!"
The 'dead' came back to the sidelines, Gretel and another recruit dragging the poor knight to the sidelines and plopping her on a bench.
Asuna tried to open her visor; it was knocked off its hinges and was hanging at an odd angle, effectively blinding her. Then she tried taking off her helmet, but that didn't seem to work either. "Uh, somebody help?"
Kirito sighed. "Anyone have pliers? Ah, thank you Robert."
It took him a while to finally get the visor off. It took the effort of both Kirito and Robert to pry the helmet off. Asuna sucked in breath like a drowning woman. Gretel handed her a waterskin. "Thank you."
He sat beside her. She smelled of dirt and sweat, her hair matted from the coif she was wearing. "You okay?"
"I'm going to stab Corporal Hiawatha in the face."
"Yep, you're okay."
They continued to watch the fight in relative silence. The awkwardness was clawing at him. "So, um … are you angry about …"
"Kirito, we're not dating."
"Well, yes. But I mean -"
"You owe me no loyalty and I'm fine with that."
Kirito mentally screamed. This was harder than he expected so he changed the subject. "So uh, you joining the tournament?"
"Someone has to represent the Watch. Besides, the judges will be from out of town, so there'd be no nepotism here."
An idea came to him. "I'll be your squire."
"Huh?''
"You're gonna be jousting right? You need a squire to care for your horse -"
"-Kumo-chan."
"Yeah. Someone needs to shine your armour, oil your mail and all that. And just as it happens, I'm the guy for the job."
She gave him a look. "You don't know anything about soldiering."
"I know more than you think. Besides, it'd be pretty embarrassing if the Captain of the Eternal Watch lost to her own men."
She mused on this for a bit. "Wouldn't you be busy with the tournament?"
"Dear Asuna, you know I'm great at managing my time. Besides, Tupi can handle it."
Asuna turned back to the melee. "I mean, I don't know …"
He was failing his Speech checks. Time to apply buff. "Please, Asu-chan! I'll be a good little squire."
She turned again to see Kirito at his most powerful: big brown eyes, hands clasped, and a pout with his pink lips. He activated just the tiniest bit of tears to glisten his eyes. Asuna frowned. "That's not fair!"
He turned his voice up an octave. "Oh fair Asuna, brave Asuna, strong Asuna. Let me serve you, my lady - my knight in shining armour ..."
Something within her broke. "Oh, fine! Just stop looking at me like that with your big baby eyes."
"So you're not mad at me anymore?"
She covered her mouth in a futile attempt to cover up her blush. "Just … just go away before I kick your ass."
Kirito did a mental fist pump. He stood up and patted her on the shoulder. "See you later. I love you."
"Love you too."
It took both of them a good two minutes to fathom what they had just said and by that time they were a fair distance away from each other. Asuna drenched herself with her canteen and Kirito went behind a bush and screamed into his hands.
When Kirito returned to his office, Brother Rays stopped him. "Ah, Lord Kirito, I have been looking for you. You seem to be red, are you ill?"
"It's nothing!" he shouted, before lowering his volume. "Don't worry about it. What's up?"
Without missing a beat, the paladin said, "The beautiful rays of the sun, like a magnificent father." He looked wistfully to the sky. "If only I could be so grossly incandescent."
"Other than that."
"Ah, yes. About the cursed tomes that Captain Asuna and Slayer Sinon retrieved a while ago, there's good news."
"Not sure how cursed tomes relate to good news but go on."
"The sorcerers that use them have left coded notes in them. I believe they correspond with one another as the book is shared around. I also believe that between these two books, there is a magical formula of a ritual that would break the Prisoner out of his dunjon. I am close to cracking the cypher."
"Seems like a bad idea to doodle in an evil book but okay."
"It is actually a common practice amongst mages and nobility, it is not new." He shrugged. "I will keep you up to date."
Ah, good news. "Thank you, Rays. I appreciate it."
"Oh, and there's the meeting with the mages from Medina An-Nur, don't forget that."
"Wait, what?"
"It's today, do you not recall? They should be here in a couple hours."
"But my timetable says they will be arriving after the tournament."
Rays stroke his chin. "After our last correspondence, they insisted on coming here sooner. I actually only received the letter this morning and was looking to tell you about it. Best be prepared."
Shit. "You didn't happen to see Argo, did you?"
Kirito had a difficult time finding the Rat. Usually, it was not hard to spot the loud blonde girl, who often than not was either eating, sparring, or exercising. Some even wondered if she did anything around the fort but Argo's huge network of contacts was what made meetings possible and her silver tongue charmed a certain subset of the population.
He asked around and one of the settlers said they saw her heading into the forest. His long robes were not made for this sort of trekking.
Kirito realised halfway through the trek that he had no weapon but he was too far in. Some fifteen minutes later, he heard the tell-tale sign of wood being chopped and followed it, realising just then how he didn't know much about the areas surrounding his fort. He had a map from the Watch's library, but it was outdated and the updated info had yet to be copied to a new parchment.
He was mistaken. It wasn't axes hacking at trees but a barrage of strikes from a drenched Argo, wearing nothing but sarashi and loincloth. She delivered punch after punch at a poor log. It was in danger of tipping over; as if being embedded a foot into the earth was an insufficient anchor to the Rat's strength.
"Hey."
She didn't answer him, too focused on her workout. Back in school, Argo had joined almost every martial arts club the school had to offer: taekwondo, boxing, muay thai and karate. Her papa was himself a boxing champion back in the day and his passion passed down to his daughter. Such an intense training regimen meant that Argo was for the most part a loner, that weirdo who talks about video games and martial art flicks and nothing else. How she had the time working the school newspaper was a mystery.
The wood cracked as Argo delivered fist after fist at the log. He took the time to examine her. She had an athletic body in real life, toned for someone her age but the levelling up system had transformed her physique to something more fantastic. Despite media popularising the image of the Frazetta Man being a mighty warrior, that wasn't necessarily true. Soldiers prioritise physical and mental endurance over strength. Martial artists were almost always wiry, with coiled and compact muscles.
But this was a video game, so that biological rule did not apply. The bigger the muscles, the stronger they were, simple as. It was an easy design decision, ensuring that the player could prioritise which orc was the biggest threat.
And Argo had a lot of muscles.
She was in the zone and Kirito realised it was useless to break her out of it so he found himself a stone to sit on.
Argo's back was drenched; she must have been going at it since last night. She dodged an imaginary attack and switched to kicking instead. Being a small girl, she compensated for her height with power. Argo kicked high, thick calves and powerful thighs did work on the top of the log where the head would be. With every strike, she put her all into it, body twisting, abs flexing. The Rat was a well oiled fighting machine.
He inwardly cursed Asuna for barging in. No, that's not right. He didn't lock the door, that was his fault.
He remembered meeting her for the first time. Back then, Kirito was relatively new to the kendo club despite his young age and he was cleaning up the dojo (Ah, to be the newbie and janitor of the club). As Kirito was putting away the shinai -
"I can see you, you know."
No reply.
He sighed. "You're in the third window by the left. I saw you watching us training."
Slowly, a … figure popped into view. He (she?) climbed through the window. Wearing the world's baggiest hoodie over their school uniform. They stood silent, hands barely visible as they twiddled their fingers.
"Can I help you?"
"Ah …"
"Yes, speak up. I'm just finishing up."
"Your … your footwork needs work."
Excuse him?
"You put too much pressure on your front leg, so when your opponent tries to hit you, you're too slow to retreat. That's why you got that nasty hit on your shoulder."
The pain of the captain's hit flared up, and with it, his anger. Everyone's a critic. "Oh, like you know better?!"
She squeaked, or something to that effect. "It … it's true … I can show you how to do it."
He scoffed. "By all means."
She (and it was definitely a she), showed him. He noticed two things, one, the stranger was small. Like five feet tops. Two, she had insane calves.
The more she spoke, the more she made sense. She went into great detail about his mistake and while she was completely wrong in using the technical terms for kendo, she was generally in the right.
"See, if you loosen up a bit, like this," she stepped back quickly, with the grace of a dancer. "You wouldn't have gotten hit!"
Shit, she was right. "Who are you, anyway?"
"M-me? M-my name is Akiko. I'm in Class 5A."
"Akiko, were you stalking me?"
Akiko squeaked again and now he felt bad and tried to change the subject. "Where did you learn this, anyway?"
"My old man taught me," she answered, a hint of pride in her voice. "He was a boxing champ! He taught me everything." Then without any input from him, did a three combo strike so fast Kirito felt like he imagined it.
"Whoa, you're fast!"
"Um, thank you?" she said. "M-m-maybe I can give you a few pointers?"
Kirito scrunched his nose. A random girl comes out of nowhere, tells you your footwork was shit, and then offers you how to do better, nevermind the fact their martial arts was as different as night and day.
But for whatever reason, the tiny girl made an impression on him. "Yeah, sure. Wanna go have some lunch? My treat."
"Y-yes!" she said a little too loudly. "Yes, that'd be great, Kazuto-san."
"I never told you my name."
"Uh, your friends said it a lot of times …"
He closed the distance quickly and tugged the hood off: a chubby-faced girl with a shock of blonde hair and baby blue eyes met his gaze. God, they were pretty.
"Wow, you're cute!"
She gaped like a fish before finally saying. "Um, thanks. I think I'm cute too. I mean, I think you're cute. I mean, I mean …"
Kazuto laughed his ass off and her face went red. He offered his hand. "Kazuto Kirigaya."
Gingerly, she took his. Strong grip, he thought. "Akiko Kanna. By the way, do you like Bruce Lee?"
And that's how their friendship began -
"What the hell you smiling about?"
Kirito snapped out of his remembrance. Standing before her was a most sweaty Argo. In the afternoon sun, she was less a woman and more a goddess.
"Remember when we first met?"
"Ugh, don't remind me." She sat beside him and retrieved a canteen from within the log. "Remember when I wore that huge ass hoodie?"
"I remember you wearing it, and taking it off only you weren't wearing anything underneath."
She laughed. It was the most delightful sound in the world. "Yeah. Too bad I've taken a vow of celibacy."
"What?"
She rested a muscular arm on a knee and leaned her chin into it, like that one bronze statue. "I have decided that the ways of sex is a stupid, stupid thing. I will not dedicate my life in the pursuit of physique."
Argo popped a bicep, a very impressive sixteen inches. "You see Kii-boy …"
"Please don't call me that." The nickname was foreign and alien to him.
"My body is a temple. This fort business and my info broking network? A pain in the ass. I've decided to become a hermit, living in the woods, hunting for my food -"
"You don't even know how to clean an animal."
"And as I do this, I will devote myself to the Roman Goddess Athena -"
"She's Greek."
"And build a shrine for her, dispensing wisdom to passing travelers in return for food."
He rolled his eyes. "Alright, clean up. We've got a meeting with those mages Rays was writing to. They're coming early."
She stood up, revealing her well toned ass to him. "Sorry, Kii-bou. Say goodbye to everyone. I start my hermit life now."
"I'll lick the sweat off your abs if you come back now."
He felt thick fingers dig into his skull and suddenly found himself face to face with Argo's tummy. "Get to work, lover boy."
4. MEETING
An hour later, a freshen up Kirito and a beaming Argo had come to the Steward's Solar; the same solar where Tupi had spoken of the fort's plight to the Kirito Corporation and where they had hosted Ser Reginald.
"Ah, so the company lord has arrived," said Brother Rays. He too was dressed similar to Kirito with the flowing robes of the desert but the hem was decorated with colourful dyed quillwork. He was beginning to look less like his desert-wandering mother and more like his Orage father. The steward himself was dressed in the clothes of his office, feathered headdress included.
Two people stood up from the couch: an old serious looking man, in a green kaftan and a scarf decorated with golden inlaid stars. He wore a green turban and snuggled neatly within it was, of all things, a small silver mirror. The old man had the bearing of a teacher but the slim mace tucked in his girdle spoke of a more violent past.
Next to him was a young woman in a rich green dress and head veil. Her dark brown eyes were captivating through her brass rimmed round spectacles. In her hand was a small leather bound tome and Kirito had fought enough wizards in his past life to tell it was her spell book. His hand reached for a sword that wasn't there. The merchant smothered his anti-mage bias quickly.
He and Argo bowed respectfully. "The Watch and the Corporation are honoured to have such prestigious mages from the City of Light."
They bowed back. Brother Rays said, "Let me introduce you to my good friend, Professor Ramza, head of the Department of Wards and Curses, and his apprentice in training, Ava."
"Apprentice in training, huh?" said Argo.
Ava smiled as she adjusted her glasses. "I'm writing my thesis on the relationship between curses and the undead. Did you know that the way someone dies dictates what kind of undead they return as? For example, if someone dies in a cesspit, their spirit returns as a poop ghost!"
Argo gave the mage a forced smile. "Fascinating."
"We sent you the letter three weeks ago, and now you're here early. Why?" asked Tupi.
"A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to," the professor said mysteriously. "For now, we must examine the Prisoner. Lead the way."
It had been ages since they returned under the tomb. The presence of the Prisoner (even muttering Conotocaurius was considered an ill-omen at the best of times) did not affect Kirito as it did the others. He recalled how the girls and Tupi sweated even in the cold of the dungeon but he had no fear here. If anything, he felt somewhat bored.
Ancient wizard, warlord, or dragon, it didn't matter. Conotocaurius was just a program like any other.
"Curious," said the professor. "There are hallways branching off, where do they lead to?"
"Nothing," said Tupi. "They're just empty hallways."
"No collapsed rubble or anything like that?"
"Not that we know of," said Kirito. His mind drifted back to what Sinon had said before, something about not enough room for the amount of men the fort had in the past?
They stood before the gates once again. As Argo went to light the braziers, the professor muttered something under his breath and it came to life.
"Coulda told me, I didn't have to bring all this wood," she complained.
The two mages examined the chains and the gates not with the tension of warriors preparing to fight but like scientists looking at a particularly interesting specimen. They took measurements, examined the chains and jotted down notes. Once, Ava had to heat her frozen bottle of ink with a flame spell hovering above her thumb. They spoke to each other in hushed voices and in a different language, acting as if the rest of them didn't even exist.
"Hey, Kii-bou … did ya' hear that?" whispered Argo. She was hugging herself, no doubt very much regretting going sleeveless.
"Hmm? Hear what?"
"Not here, not around them." They walked into a corner, far enough away from the NPCs.
"I hear …" she began, "I hear a voice. It says … it demands me to do horrible things. It's filling my images of violence …"
"Psychic attack," said Kirito, for the first time, a chill running down his spine. "I've heard of this. It's an attack that Argus wanted to do with certain mobs but the board of directors vetoed the idea and there was huge resistance to it from the dev staff. I see Kayaba doesn't have to worry about that anymore."
She clutched her head, making a mess out of her already messy hair. "Kii-bou … it … I see … visions of you! Beaten and broken! My fists bloodied! Make it stop!"
Why wasn't he affected? "Just think of happy thoughts, Akiko! Remember your old man, and your favourite movies!" He glanced at the mages. "I should call the -"
"I need -"
"Yes?"
"I need!"
"What? Tell me?"
"For you to strip!"
Kirito blinked. "What?"
"Y-you know, to distract the images of violence? Cleanse it from my skull." She knocked her own a couple of times. "And well, a very naked pretty boy would do just that."
"Akiko, that's not funny."
"You know what's not funny? Me not getting laid in six months. No, that tongue session didn't count."
"I'm going now."
"Wait, can I at least see your dic- ow!" He flicked his fingers at her forehead, making an audible thwap! and returned to the mages.
"Hey Toops, you hear anything? Any ominous messages asking you to kill someone?"
The steward raised a brow. "No, why?"
"Okay, just making sure."
After a good half hour of boring waiting, Professor Ramza clasped his hands so suddenly it made them jump. "I've the test results."
"And?" Kirito asked.
"We need money."
"How much money?" Tupi asked.
Ramza tugged at his beard, which in the cold, was already forming icicles and told them.
In one moment, Kirito was standing and in the next, he had face planted on the cold stone floor. He could hear Argo shout his name. She and Tupi held him up.
"I-I'm sorry? Did you say a million Col?"
Ramza looked at him with a pained expression. "I'm sorry, son."
"What on earth do you need the money for? We've already agreed to pay your fees!" the merchant said, with just barely contained anger in his voice.
"It's not money that's required," said Ava. "It's the gold."
"So, let me get this straight," said Asuna. "You guys need a million Col to perform their ritual?"
Professor Ramza was writing on a piece of parchment. "No, not Col. We need five thousand kilograms of gold. A single Col coin weighs 5 grams. A million grams times five is five thousand kilograms."
Sinon whistled. "Good thing we're all paid in gold coins. It'd be a pain if everyone had different currencies."
The steward spoke up, "Actually, there are many kingdoms that use different -"
"Tupi please, I'm not interested in economics right now."
Ava began to explain, "Gold has many magical properties, but most importantly, it is a great conduct of energy. We cannot replicate the wards of Wicasa the Wise, his mastery is something that no mage in this age even comes close. Therefore, the best thing we could do is plate the chains and parts of the wall. That would be sufficient to halt the Prisoner for a thousand more years at best."
"I've never plated anything in gold before, but I'll try!" said Lisbeth confidently.
"I'll inlay as many wards as I can into the cell, but there's only so much we can do," said Ramza.
"Pardon milord," said Robert, "But I've ill news from our sheriffs. They've heard rumours about the Cult grouping together. I am afraid that they will be attacking soon."
"Can't you and Rays track them down and kill them?" said Kirito, irate.
"It's harder than you think. They've gone underground. Quite literally in this case. We're trying to find them as quickly as we can, but it seems they've gone to the higher Floors.."
"There's also the tournament in a couple of weeks," said Kirito, face on the desk. He took a deep breath and blew. "I'll … figure something out."
"I'll make haste back to the An-Nur, first thing in the morning, and confer with my colleagues" said the professor. "In the meanwhile, Ava will stay here to monitor the situation."
"I'll do my best, sir," said the apprentice.
"Brother Rays, you said something about a couple cursed tomes in your letters?" asked Ramza.
"Yes, I've them locked in the library."
"Maybe there's a book on how to gold plate in the library," Lisbeth said absentmindedly.
Kirito let out a long sigh. "Everyone, dismiss. We'll figure something out in the morning. Tupi, please show where our guests can stay for the night."
As everyone trailed out of the door, Argo, Sinon and Asuna remained. "What part of dismiss do you three not get?"
Sinon was the first to speak. "I just want to say I appreciate you."
"Huh?"
The slayer shrugged. "It's a lot of work, running this fort. I can see it's getting to you."
"Nothing's getting to me," he said, then unclenched his jaw. Marco was wrong about him. The loan won't be enough. "I can make this work. Do you think Ridwan and friends left some of that dragon's treasure for us?"
Asuna folded her arms. "You know we're your partners, right? We can plan stuff too!"
"Looks like we could use another staff meeting," said Argo. "Kii-bou, you helped fund a rebellion, and you're running the tightest ship this side of Aincrad. You're taking care of hundreds of people. People like you, this is just another bump on the road. You got this. We got this."
Slowly, he let out a breath and slumped into his chair. "Thanks, girls. I appreciate it."
Sinon placed both hands on his desk, leaning over. Kirito gulped as he looked down her tunic, a cleavage most visible and very inviting. "I can think of a way you can show me your appreciation."
"Sinon, can you not?" asked Asuna.
"Asu-chan's right, you really need to chill with your advances," said Argo.
Asuna made a face. "Is this gonna be a thing where you disagree with Sinon and then be even hornier -"
Argo slammed her fist on the desk, raising it slightly on one side. "These two idiots got in the way last night. I demand we finish the job right now!"
Kirito frowned. "But I already kissed your abs today …"
Sinon gasped. "That's not fair, I want to be kissed too!"
"You already manhandled him in this office, get back in the line, sister."
"I'm gonna throw you two out of this tower," said Asuna.
As the three dissolved into arguing and jeering, the merchant rubbed his temples. "I need a drink. This night cannot end worse."
Rays barged into the room, the professor in tow. The office went silent. The paladin had a face of utter fury on his face.
"The tomes … they're gone."
I gotta stop using Skyrim quotes, I've used up three already. Anyone have a funny quote, leave them in a review. Does anyone think the writing's been hornier as of late, or is it just me?
Anyway, the tournament is near! But foul magicks afoot! What will our heroes do? Which of the girl will win Kirito's heart? Tune in next time for the next episode of Merchant Prince!