Chapter four: Get out of my house
10 days later,
"Kate?"
She let out a gasp and spun around at the sound of Thomas's voice. "Mr. Shelby." She set down the paintbrush and climbed down the step ladder. "I didn't you were here."
He nodded as he looked around. He was dressed in a black suit and had a black band around his arm to symbolize that he was in a state of mourning. "You've done wonders with the place. Almost looks new."
"Thank you."
"Your taste in colors, leave a bit to be desired." He stated as he picked up the deep lavender paintbrush she'd been brushing on the door. He shoots her a look of disdain. "Purple?"
"Lavender, actually. It'll look lovely once it's done, I promise."
"I must owe you a fortune in what you've spent on supplies."
"Don't even think about it. I enjoy working on the cottage, it's very therapeutic for me." She bit her lip before stating. "My condolences about Lizzie." He turns towards her, his blue eyes revealing that he's tired of being given condolences for the woman he never loved. "You and your children must be devastated." He shrugged. His devil-may-care attitude didn't fool her for a second. She saw the regret in his eyes and stance, but she didn't push it. "When's the funeral?"
"I just came from there."
She bit her lip before stating. "Not to appear rude, but…why are you here?" He ignored her and began painting a spot she missed on the front door. The man was tall, so he didn't need a ladder. "Not that I don't mind your company," she hastened to add. "it's just; I feel that you should be with your family right now."
"I needed to get away for a moment." He continued painting. "They're smothering me."
She could sense the warning in his voice, but she decided to ignore it. Something was gnawing at the man's soul and he needed to talk to someone. "I'm sure they're just concerned. Everyone must be missing her, especially you."
"I don't!" He shouted at her as he dropped the brush and spun around towards her. It was then, Kate saw the issue. He was torn with multiple feelings towards his departed wife. "I'm don't know what caused her to do such a f**king stupid thing. Sure, we were both f**king miserable, but if that were all it was, I'd have killed myself years ago!" She stared at him, stunned at such a confession. "just because you're miserable, that's not a f**king reason to kill yourself! She just f**king left her child alone!" He sat down on the stairs. "The f**king, whore! Never should have f**king married her! I told John, never marry a f**king whore and that's what I did!"
She was stunned. She hoped and prayed Lizzie's suicide had nothing to do with her. she'd never forgive herself, though frankly, she could swear she'd done nothing. She'd liked Lizzie and had been social with Thomas, but, there was no impropriety towards him, even in her thoughts!
She exhaled and sat down beside him, he was breathing heavily and she could feel the anger rolling off him in waves. "No one made her marry you. You must remember that as well." He snorts in disgust. "I've been hurt, depressed and I've…I know I considered killing myself once." She shook her head. "I hadn't thought about that day in years now. But, each person is different. I don't think you'll ever know Mr. Shelby and maybe, she didn't intend for you to know."
"F**k her." He exhaled and rubbed his eyes. "Things hadn't been the same for us for a while. They'd been getting worse. That lying-
"Don't say anything more that'll give you cause to reproach yourself in the future." He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "You're angry with her, it's understandable. You're still angry about the fight and obviously something has been tormenting you two prior to me even showing up. You're upset about the state of your marriage and I know you have regrets about many things, but don't add more anger to the mess." She placed a hand on his arm, giving it a gentle, assuring squeeze. "You've got two children that you'll have to raise now and they'll be upset because they don't have a mother. You're all they have now." She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Today's her funeral. Mourn today, be angry tomorrow, but forgive in the days to come."
He's silent for a moment before stating. "You writers are a nosy lot." She smiled a faint wobbly smile. "How the f**k did you see all that?"
"I just did. Your eyes," she almost lost herself in the steeled blueness of them. "say more than you do."
He studied her for a moment before stating. "It weren't your fault." She blinked. He did see that she felt guilt for Lizzie's death. "Things had been bad between us for a long while; she'd already contacted a solicitor for a divorce. Anything little thing could have set her off."
"Allow me to feel some guilt."
He shrugs. "Time will prove it wasn't our fault. Lizzie chose to drink that stuff, not like you poured it down her throat."
She stands and walks inside to the mantelpiece, to pick up her wrapped packages. He's still sitting on the porch step when she comes back out. "I bought these for the children we." He looks surprised. "They're picture frames. I thought maybe they'd like to have a picture of her by their dresser?"
"That's…kind of you." He stands up. "I'll walk you to the house and you can give it to them."
She bit her lip. "I don't think I should. I'm a stranger and people will talk."
"And what's there to talk about?" He states. "You're a writer who rents my cottage and you're here paying your condolences. Nothing else to talk about. Besides, you bought the gifts for them; you should give it to them."
"I'm not dressed properly."
"I'll wait." He sits back down on the stairs.
She bites her lip again before nodding. He wasn't going to take no for an answer. She figured he'd be the kind of man to sit stubbornly on the stairs until she did as he asked. "I'll be ready in a minute."
Fifteen minutes later,
Katherine could feel the eyes on her the moment she crossed the threshold of of the house. Everyone was trying to figure out who she was. She kept her head held high, though she really wished the floor would swallow her whole. The eyes of people on her were cold and unfriendly.
"You're fine, Kate." Thomas said out of the corner of his mouth.
She hisses. "I feel like a whore in church." He chuckles as he glances at her in surprise. "Sorry. Inappropriate for such a setting."
"Tommy," they both turned towards the sound of the authoritative female voice. At the sight of the woman, Kate automatically straightened her posture. She could tell that this woman was the head of the household and she scanned Kate with a disapproving eye. "who is this?"
Thomas exhaled. "Kate, this is my Aunt Polly. Poll, this Kate, she's renting the cottage."
Kate extended her hand. "I'm Katherine Carter."
Polly didn't take her hand right away. "The writer?" She glances at Thomas for confirmation. "The American writer."
"Yes." He says with a nod. "Lizzie actually arranged for her to rent the cottage."
"I see." Polly finally takes her hand and shakes it. "Do you go by Katherine or Kate?"
"Katherine. I don't really care for the name Kate."
She glances at Thomas. "He calls you Kate." She frowns, not sure when he started calling her Kate. "Do you two know each other?"
"Not in that way, Poll." Thomas answers for her. "We met through Lizzie."
Kate cleared her throat and holds up her packages. "I brought a memento for the children. They must miss her so much."
Polly nods in affirmation. "Yes. Kind of you to think of them."
"Where are they?" Thomas inquires. "She can't stay long."
"In the nursery."
"Excuse us." He takes a hold of her elbow and guides her to the nursery. "Relax Kate."
"Why are you calling me Kate?" She inquires. "It really isn't proper, even your aunt noticed and it's adding more speculation to what people are thinking."
"I'll refer to you as Miss Carter in public from now on, if that's what you prefer." She nods. "But Katherine, doesn't suit you any better than Carter does." Well, she hadn't cared for her surname, that's why she legally had it changed to Carter many years ago.
"How old are your children?" She asks. "Lizzie mentioned that you had two children, but, didn't mention their ages."
"Ruby will be five soon and Charlie is seven." She nods. "Charlie is mine from another marriage." He stops by the staircase and he gestures towards a picture of a beautiful woman on the wall. She was beautiful, piercing blue eyes and blonde hair. "That's my Grace."
Now everything made sense to her. Thomas still loved Grace, why he'd married Lizzie, she didn't know. But a glance at his face made it clear that this man was still deeply and desperately in love with Grace. Like that man in her novel, there was no room in his heart for another woman. He'd married Lizzie, probably to give the children a mother, but she never stood a chance. Not while he was still deeply in love with a ghost of his past. No matter whom they met later on in life, they would always be in love with someone they could never have. No wonder they both had this bizarre connection to each other.
"Poor Charlie," she said gently. "it must be hard on him, having to lose a parent twice. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. You're a widower for a second time with your life."
He said nothing as he turned and pushed the nursery door open. Charlie was playing with his trains; Ruby was sitting on the couch, silently crying.
"Charlie. Ruby." Both their heads jerked up. "You two have a visitor." Kate stepped around behind him. "This is Kate."
"Hello." She stepped towards them.
"You're the whore mommy spoke of." Ruby declared, tears streaking down her cheeks. Kate was stunned and shocked that Ruby knew such a word. "You killed mommy!"
"Ruby!" Thomas shouted at her, causing the girl to grow pale by the second. "Leave the room!"
"Wait a minute." She said, placing a hand on his arm. "She's just upset. It's alright Thomas." She assured him. "I'm sure you're mistaken Ruby. My name's Katherine, not Kate."
The blood drained out of Ruby's face. "Daddy calls you Kate." She stammered, her face growing more and more pale as she realized that she was wrong. And her father was going to punish her and the child probably already knew that she was the unwanted child to the unwanted woman her father had married.
"It's a nickname. I barely know your father, but I did like your mother. She was a very kind and pretty lady. I had just signed a lot of books for her." She handed Ruby the small package. "I bought this for you. It's a picture frame. Maybe your daddy has a picture of your mother that you can put in it." Now, Ruby's expression tattled that she finally felt guilty about the whole scene she just caused. "That way, she's the first thing you see when you wake up."
Ruby said nothing. She just started crying and ran out of the room. It was apparent to them both that Lizzie had said some horrible things about her in front of the children. Thomas exhaled. "I am sorry about that."
"It's alright." She straightened up and turned to him. "She's missing her mother. And I know that she's hurting."
"She has no right to speak to a guest that way in my house." Thomas was seething. "Even in death, that woman can still-
"Thomas," this was the first time she'd addressed him by his Christian name and it made him pause. "let it go. She's hurting, you're upset and it's alright."
"She shouldn't have-
"It's forgotten." She assured him. "Please, let it go."
"What did you bring me?" Charlie asks, his voice bringing them out of their musings.
She heads towards him. "I got you the same thing as I got Ruby." He takes the package from her. "You both must be missing your mother."
"She weren't my mother." Charlie mused.
"I'm sure she loved you." she affirmed.
"She loved Ruby more." She had no words for Charlie. This family was a mess of bitter words and withheld feelings.
"Lizzie loved you, Charlie." Tommy stated as he stepped towards his son. "Thank Miss Carter and then go check on your sister."
"Thank you Miss Carter."
"You're welcome Charles." Charles walked out of the room and she turned towards him. "Don't punish Ruby on my account, please. She's going through enough right now." She cleared her throat. "I'm assuming that, given the implication of Ruby's outburst, that you didn't get a chance to talk to Lizzie?"
"I told the stupid woman everything you informed me. She refused to believe me." She shot him a disapproving look, but he held her gaze. "She said that your Emmett was dead." Katherine's heart paused in her chest. "Was that true?"
She inhaled before nodding. "He was murdered." He blinked. "He may be gone but… I haven't let go of him. He's still a part of my life, if you can understand that."
He's silent for a moment before nodding in agreement. "I can."
She bites her lip before stating quietly. "Your Grace is like my Emmett. There is no reason for anyone else because, no one is going to take their place." She exhaled deeply. "This is an…unusual family Mr. Shelby. Everyone is so controlled, as if it… letting their emotions out would be hazardous for them. and then when the emotions do come out….it's like an ugly, infected wound that just bursts."
"Normally, we Shelby's are a quiet bunch…there's just…something about you that makes people talk."
"You as well. You've gotten more from me this month than my own father has in a year." He just stares blankly at her. She clears her throat and smooths her skirt. "I need to go." He shakes his head. "I'm not family and even though you and I are acquaintances…it's clear that I shouldn't be here."
"I don't care what my family has to say." He said as he exits the nursery. "But as I know your reputation is important to you, I'll walk you to the door. I do wish to add that you're always welcome in my house Miss Carter."
She smiled. "Thank you very much Mr. Shelby."
They said nothing more as they walked down the stairs together. As he walked her to the entrance of the house, she could feel the eyes of his family on her. Their gazes were deep and disapproving. This whole family had an aura of darkness over them and she hoped that they wouldn't drag her into their darkness.
