Chapter thirty-five: All we ever look for


A week later,


The sound of retching from Thomas's room causes Kate to pause outside the master bedroom. "Thomas?" There's no response, only more retching. Kate inhales and pushes the door open. There's Thomas, vomiting into his washbasin. He's only dressed from his waist down, giving her a clear view of his chest. His skin has a reddish tinge to it though, almost as if he has a slight fever.

She sighs as she enters the room. "You had to give me that French kiss."

Everyone except him and her and run their course. After Polly became ill, Arthur went down along with Elton and Jodie, but she'd sent them home. Most of the staff had taken the week off, to recover. Now that Thomas had it, it was just a matter of time before she caught it. Oh well, at least she would be the last one to get it.

Kate walks over to him and places her hand on his shoulder. She frowns as she touches his shoulder, he's actually sweating. Thomas spits and reaches for his towel to wipe his mouth. "I'm fine Kate."

Thomas turns towards her as he pulls on his undershirt and her heart jumps in her chest. He looks terrible, his eyes are glassy and his skin is definitely feverish. "Clearly you're not;" she places her hand on his forehead. "you need to get to bed Thomas."

He shakes his head. "I'll be fine."

"No, you're not." He coughs and Kate frowns, his lungs sound deeply congested. "Thomas, I need you to sit on the bed."

"I don't have time for this; I've got work to do."

Kate yanks up his undershirt, stopping him in his tracks as she presses her hand against his stomach. Even though he hasn't eaten, it's firm, as if full. She then presses her ear against his lungs to listen to his lungs. Even without a stethoscope, she can hear the crackling. She takes a hold of his wrist and takes his pulse. It's fast and erratic. She glances up at him. "When did you take your last dose of opium?" He glowers at her. "I am serious Thomas. This is very important, I'm not criticizing, I need to know."

"Around 11:00 last night."

"Anything today?"

"An hour ago, but I'm feeling better."

"Opium takes away all feelings of pain, leaving you euphoric." She pulls back the covers. "You need to get into bed now, your body needs to rest."

"I am a horse," he reaches for his shirt. "all work, no rest."

Kate snatches the shirt from his hands. "Thomas, I'm going to have to insist-

"I'm alright Kate!" He shouts, causing her to raise a brow at him.

"Clearly, you're not." She states, using her nursing voice on him. "You're in no condition to be up and around."

Polly suddenly pokes her head in the room. "What's going on?" She looks a little bleary eyed. "Everything ok?"

"Polly," she says calmly. "I need you to get the children situated downstairs, and then I need you, Arthur and Elton to get back here as soon as you can."

"Ignore her Poll," he bites out at her. "it's just a quarrel."

"No, for once in your life Thomas Shelby, you're going to have to do something you don't want to do. You're very sick and no matter how much you protest, you have to stay in bed."

"I am not getting into that f**king bed!"

"Don't you swear at me!" She snaps.

"Or you'll f**king do what?" He demands. "Eh?"

Kate turns to his nightstand, yanks open the top drawer and pulls out his opium pipe and paper contain opium. That catches his attention. He turns towards her, his eyes taking on the look of a cornered animal.

"Kate," Polly warns. "I really don't think-

"Do what I asked Polly," she states as she moves out of Thomas's reach. "but please hurry back."

"Give me the pipe." He orders. "Now."

"No. Thomas, I can tell that you have the flu, but I think this opium may be laced with something else."

"I'm not f**king joking Kate!" He shouts. "Give me the pipe!" Kate's reaction is to drop it on the ground and crush it with her heel. That's the moment, the when beast behind Thomas Shelby's eyes is unleashed and he lunges for her.

"Arthur!" Kate screams as she ducks under his arms. Luckily, the fever has made him off balance, so his movements are slightly sluggish. Thomas turns towards his clothing drawer and grabs another paper packet containing opium. By sheer reflex, Kate lunges for the packet and grabs it from his hand.

"You give that back to me right now." He shouts at her. "Stop f**king around Kate."

She shakes her head and backs away from him, inching towards the water basin. "Thomas, you cannot take this stuff."

"You don't f**kin' own me!" he shouts. "Hand it over now!" Kate lunges and plunges the opium packet inside the vomit filled water basin water. Thomas unleashes a stream of obscenities as he grabs her by hair. "I'm gonna kill you."

"Arthur!" Kate screams as Thomas throws her, sending her flying across a chair and into the wall. Kate wishes she had her gun, however, she was sure pulling it would have caused Thomas to become erratic. However, when Thomas pulls his knive from his pocket and approaches her, she changes her mind.

"I swear, I'm gonna f**king cut you."

Kate ducks as Thomas throws his knife at her; he curses at her. She grabs the knife from the wall, pointing it at him. Arthur, Elton and Polly come running into the room. Arthur and Elton instantly head to Thomas and restrain him. Polly goes to her and pulls her up. "What happened?"

"Thomas tried to stab me." Kate explained calmly as she turned to Arthur and Elton. "He's got the flu; you're going to have to restrain him."

"Get your f**king hands off me!" Thomas orders. "Nobody touches me!"

"Wait a minute!" Polly shouts. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I also suspect he's ingested some tainted opium. That's why he's behaving erratically."

"The f**king woman destroyed 100 pounds worth of opium."

Thomas thrashed against Arthur and Elton's grip, his face red with anger. "Kate,"
Arthur suggests. "maybe just a little bit to settle him down."

"No," Polly instantly puts it together. "if it's tainted, he can't have any of it." Polly turns to Kate. "Could the tainted opium kill him?"

"Yes, it could. Just look at him now!" She points out. "He's sweating like crazy and no matter how upset he's been, has he ever been out of control like this?" Polly shakes her head. "His heart rate is skyrocketing and we've got to get him to calm down."

"You don't know it was the opium!" Thomas shouts. "You don't get to treat me like this just because you have issues with me using it!"

Polly is silent for a long moment before stating. "You're the nurse. What do we need to do?"

"First, we've got to restrain him." Thomas lunges for her, nearly dragging Elton and Arthur along with him. Kate takes a step back. "I'm going to call my doctor, who's had experience with this and ask him what I need to do."

"Have you done anything like this before?" Arthur asks.

"I've worked on men with opium withdrawals, so yes. I don't know what to do for contaminated opium and we need to know right away." Arthur and Elton drag Thomas towards his bed. Kate yanks open Thomas's clothing drawer and pulls out several belts. "Arthur, once he's secure, stay with him and try to get him to calm down. I'm going to make the call from the library, so I can hear. Polly, I'd like you to come with me. I'm also going to call Ada and see if she can take Charlie and Ruby for a bit."

"Is that necessary?" Polly asks.

Kate nods. "Unfortunately. This is going to be really hard on Thomas. Elton, you know the drill for the flu."

He nods. "Yes, lots of liquids, fresh cloths and sheets."

Kate nods. "Ask Jodie to run into town and get me some fresh lemon balm, chamomile and lavender. All three are natural herbs to help him relax."


An hour later,


"Well?" Thomas demands as he strains to get up from the bed. Arthur holds a hand on his shoulder, keeping him flat on his back. Elton is holding a bloody cloth to his nose. "What did the idiot doctor say?"

"That Kate was right." Polly states. "Someone tried to poison Thomas."

"Elton, I'll look at your nose in a moment." He waves her aside as Kate approaches Thomas's bedside with a small vial. "Thomas, I need you to drink this. It's ipecac syrup."

"You're f**king insane Kate." He snarls. "There is nothing wrong with me!"

Polly groans and takes the vial from her. "God, it's like he's six again." she looks to Arthur. "Hold him tight." She then pinches his nose shut, causing him to thrash. "I've done this to you before. Open your mouth!" he resists and Polly turns to her. "He'll need air in a moment, how much?"

"Whole vial." Polly's brow rises. "It's the correct dosage for an adult male. I'm not going to poison him."

"No fear of that." Thomas gasps for air and Polly pours the brown syrup down his throat. He lets out a strangling noise and Polly puts a hand over his mouth, forcing him to swallow the liquid. "How long should it take?"

"Normally, 10-20 minutes and he should vomit it up. But he hasn't eaten, so, it could be less, when it happens, Arthur, release one of his hands."

Polly studies his face carefully. "He's really agitated; I haven't seen him this way before." She then removes her hand from his mouth. "You, stay quiet." Thomas shoots her a disgusted glower, but does as Polly orders.

Kate sits next to him, wanting to take his hand, but needing to keep him calm was more important. She exhales. "Now, Polly and I have all the doctor's instructions. It's nothing we as a family can't handle."

"There is nothing to f**king," Polly holds her hand by his head, preparing to smack him. Thomas hesitates for a moment. "handle."

Kate glowers at him. "Is that why your stomach is as hard as a lump of coal?"

"I already vomited."

"There's still something inside you. Whatever it is, you didn't get it out."

"Tommy," Polly states as she gets off the bed. "having had Kate with me through the influenza, you know that she knows what she's talking about. I have to trust her judgment on this one."

"There is nothing…wrong with-

Thomas begins gagging. Kate grabs the empty basin by her elbow and thrusts it under Thomas's mouth as he strains to sit upright. Arthur releases his one hand and Thomas bolts upright and leans over the basin. Instantly, streams of orange liquid with small, round black dots come spewing out of his mouth.

Kate grips his bound hand tightly. "Tell me that when you're not vomiting."

Arthur groans in disgust. "What's the black?"

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it was expanding in his stomach. It was going to cause his stomach to burst and I don't think he would have survived the trip to the hospital." She rubs his back as he continues vomiting. Several streams come shooting out of his nose as well. "The good news is there's no blood in the vomit so he's not bleeding internally. Once he gets it all out, he should be fine somewhat." Thomas exhales raggedly, as he takes a few deep breaths before falling back on the bed. Kate takes her damp cloth and wipes his face and mouth. "You'll be better soon. I promise." He closes his eyes and she takes his pulse. Everyone hold his or her breath as she takes his pulse. She smiles faintly. "It's slowing, he needs to get some rest." Everyone relaxes and she moves to leave his side, but he catches a hold of her hand. "I'm going to stay here with him."

"So, we're out of danger?" Polly asks.

"Yes. Look at his skin color; it's lost that reddish burn. We'll have to investigate where that opium came from."

"Chang." Arthur curses. "Can't trust the f**king Chinese."

"Ada mentioned that Thomas bought a large shipment of opium. That would be a good place to start." She cleared her throat and ushered them to a corner of the room. "While Thomas is unconscious, there's something I'd like to discuss with all of you, as we're family. While he has influenza, he cannot take the opium. It'll cause him to hallucinate and make him worse."

"How long does he need to stay off it?" Polly asks. "To get out him of this?"

"Four days at least, but…I'd like to go for a week."

"Why?" Arthur demands. "He's my brother; I won't stand by and watch him suffer."

"And he's my husband." She states. "I'm doing this for his sake. You all know that the opium is clearly causing problems in his life. A week is how long it takes to get the opium withdrawal symptoms under control. We could get Thomas off the drugs, while he's under the flu."

"Kate, are you sure-

"Yes. He is weak, but he'll at least be delirious and won't suffer as much as he would be going through withdrawal fully conscious. It's killing me to even suggest this. I know that you've all expressed concerns for his addiction, and he needs help. He's quit it once before, he can do it again."

"He needs to want it though."

"His health is at risk now because of it."

"The man he is right now is his father." Polly states. "He hated that man. If Thomas was in his right mind, which he isn't, he'd agree to this."

"What can we expect?" Arthur asks. "With this..withdrawal?"

"It's noon now, he's taken opium almost 2 hours ago. He should be calm and peaceful until 2 tomorrow." she states. "That's when the withdrawal the symptoms are going start, it'll be consistent with the influenza fever. He's never had it before, according to his medical records, so, expect a bumpy night." Polly shakes her head. "In another 50 hours, they're going to peak and get worse. He'll experience nausea, vomiting, cramps, depression, hallucinations and more cravings. Because of Thomas's experience in the war, he'll be violent at times. If we're going to do this, I'm going to need everyone's help in this. If it gets too much for anyone, leave the room right away."

Polly nods. "You've got my support. He needs to get off that stuff and I'm upset to admit that we've allowed it for years."

"It's a sickness Polly, he can't help it. Opium is addicting." Kate exhales. "I'm not going to lie. It's going to be hard and it's going to be hell."

"Being off the opium, will it help the nightmares?" Arthur asks.

Kate's silent for a moment. "I'll help him take care of the nightmares once he's off the opium."

"How?"

Kate's silent for a long time before admitting. "He needs someone to be there for him and he needs to talk about the nightmares."

Arthur snorts. "Fat chance."

"I'm still going to try."

"You don't know what it was like."

"I don't?" She placed a hand on her hip. "You men…you think being strong is staying silent, it's not. The ghosts are there because they need to be listened to. Once you listen to them…they go away."

"I'm with Kate on this." Polly states. "We've know for a long time that the drugs have been having an impact on Thomas. If ever there's a time to act, now's the time. Besides," Polly holds her gaze. "she's a nurse. If there's anyone to get to Thomas Shelby, it's her."