I present you one of the latest story, What A Dick! A Naruto crack one-shot fanfic.

That is a joke story, I repeat, a joke story that is not meant to take seriously!

Lot of time jumps.

Most characters might be OOC and there might be some grammar errors but I'm trying my best.

Enjoy the story of What A Dick!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.


What A Dick!


After he mastered kage bunshin from the forbidden scroll, Naruto glance up to look around as no one show up and he hum to himself, maybe he should learn another jutsu? What if it boost his chance to become the next hokage in one go? "Alright, let's do it!" He scanned the list with a wide grin before he decides to do it random by jabbing his finger on a jutsu. "Let's see…"


"Ha…Ha…" Mizuki wiped some bloods off his chin with a dark smirk as he glared at Naruto up on a tree branch, "Do you think…A mere clones…Can beat me…A chunin?"

"If the clones can't defeat you then this jutsu will…" Naruto flashed through handseals before he jump down toward the traitor.

"Ha, bring it…" The traitor smirked darkly as he bring his kunai out.

"GREAT DICK NO JUTSU!" The blonde shouted.

"On…Wha?" Mizuki's mind shut down at the shouting and before he know it, the groin area of Naruto's pant suddenly stretch out to the size of average man and the clothed member clubbed the right side of the traitor's face with a bitchslap, knocking him and some teeth out in process.

"YIPPE!" Naruto pumped his fists up as his giant member smash the ground with a hard thud, "I DID IT! I TOOK HIM DOWN!"

"N-N-Naruto…" Iruka stuttered in disbelief, staring at the giant covered member in morbid. How can Naruto's pant stretch out without any single tear…And why is it still huge?!

The reason why this jutsu is forbidden is because the user can't restore their cock to normal size and some users use it to increase their size few times, depending on their chakra. As a Uzumaki and jinchuriki, his chakra is off the chart.

'If I use this jutsu more, I can beat everyone in fights and become hokage faster!' The blonde grinned widely.

Also, the more the user perform this jutsu, the bigger the dick get but Naruto don't know that because he never read the damn warning under the said jutsu!

"Iruka, did you see that?!" Naruto turned around, accidentally knock his teacher out with a slap of his dick. "Ah, Iruka!"


The students were in class, chatting and doing whatever they usually do when they wait for their teacher to show up to announce the teams until Naruto enter the class and all eyes went straight to Naruto's stretched-out pant with odd expressions.

"…Baka, are you trying to prank us?" Ino approached him with a scoff, she have been a victim of Naruto's past pranks like most of her classmates. "You're doing poor job of hiding th…" She yank his pant down to reveal… "WHAT A DICK!" She screamed out with red face and the class erupted in screams as Naruto look at them strangely.

"Morning, class…" Iruka entered the classroom with a smile before he drop it with a green face, "…And Naruto, please put your pant back on! KAMI!"


"Now, pinky, you go…" Kakashi pointed to Sakura while blocking his view of Naruto with his book.

"…I like big dick…" Sakura muttered absentmindedly, can't take her eyes off Naruto's clothed member as it lie out across the balcony and the masked shinobi pinched the bridge of his nose with closed eye, is it too late to ask for another team to fail?


"So that is the gakis that'll…" Tazuna entered the office with a swig of his sake before he spew his drink out with widened eyes as he pointed at Naruto, "WHAT THE DICK?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!"

"Don't ask." The third hokage puffed his pipe with a deadpan expression and Naruto tilt his head questioningly.


'Cool entrance, check.' Zabuza thought to himself with closed eyes as he stand on the hilt of his sword before he turn his head slightly to open his eyes, "You sho…" He suddenly got clubbed in face by…A giant dick?! "WHAT?!" The missing-nin's eyes popped out.

"Take that, no eyebrows!" Naruto grinned proudly while swinging his cock with his hands.

"HEY, HEY, STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK, YOU HENTAI!" Zabuza swatting the swinging dick away from his face…'KAMI, THAT FEEL SO WRONG!'

Meanwhile on a random branch, Haku stare at the strange sight. '…What a dick…' Haku, who is actually a girl, wonder if she can defect to this orange ninja's team and join village so she can get close to him…She will later be able to join Naruto's village after screaming to her father figure that it's the true love while Zabuza, who also defect to the village, screaming that she can't go to this no-good hoodlum who'll corrupt his little girl!


When the team seven enter the room for their first chunin exam, the genins turn to throw their killer intent at the newcomers, only to drop it in shock at the sight of Naruto's stretching-out pant. "…What a dick." A random kunoichi commented quietly.

"NARUTO-KUN, I MISS YOU!" Ino glomped Naruto…'s clothed member with a wide smile, "Did you miss me?"

"HEY, INO-PIG, GET OFF HIM!" Sakura screeched, "IT'S MINE!"

"Huh?" Naruto glanced at them strangely and everyone just stare at his large equipment in shock until Ibiki show up in puff of smoke with chunins and he was about to speak out until one of the chunin scream out.

"HOLY, LOOK AT THIS GUY IN ORANGE JUMPSUIT!"

"WHOA, WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW?!"

"I wonder how big it is when it's hard…"

'…I better get a raise after this exam…' Ibiki's eyebrow twitched and it twitch faster when Naruto sit next to Hinata, his clothed member lean onto her head as the hyuga's nose bleed violently. The reason why Hinata holding it up is because she offer to after the guy in front of Naruto crying about the member pushing him down on his back.


Orochimaru smirk at Naruto's voice behind him after the greatest traitor bit Sasuke and he turn around, just in time to hear Naruto's shout. "GREAT DICK NO JUTSU!"

"…Huh?" Orochimaru uttered before Naruto's member spear through his face, launching him far away deep into the forest.

"WHOA!" Naruto hoist his half mile-size member up with a grin, "I'm gonna call it Orange Rocket!"

"…What a dick." Anko muttered in background, even Tenten uttered near the tip of Naruto's cock when it suddenly pop out from the bush.

'…I should have gone for this fox brat instead of the last Uchiha…' The snake sennin thought to himself on ground, it's a shame that it's too late for him to snatch this genin up.


"I'M FREE!" Shukaku cheered loudly until he hear a shout…Something about dick and jutsu. Before he know it, a tall orange tower five time his size spurt up from nowhere and the one-tailed beast slowly look up with widened eyes as it slowly tip toward the creature. "…Wait…Is…Is…IS THAT A DICK?!" The giant member come downward to him while bursting in fire and the creature scream in horror before it smash him flat, waking Gaara up in process. The redhead just scream his head off while Naruto give him a speech and everyone just stare up at the tower-size dick in mixed of awe and shock.

"…I fucking quit." The third hokage take his hat off then hand it over to Jiraiya, "Go find Tsunade and tell her she's the hokage now…And take Naruto with you."

"…Do I have to…?" Jiraiya whined, he feel too small around Naruto.

"Do it." The elder said flatly.


"Say, can I cut…" Kisame smirked to Itachi as he knock the door before the morning wood break through it, striking the swordman's face and sending him flying through several walls. While it all went down, everything was in slow motion as Itachi turn his head with a 'Whaaaaaaaaaa' cry and widening eyes.

"Mm?" Naruto scratched his head with sleepy blinks before he look at his morning wood, "…Why is it hard? Maybe I'll ask Tsunade-baa-chan or Shizune about that?" It's strange that Naruto and ero-sage find the women in short time for some reasons.


"Sasuke, why are you betraying our village?!" Naruto shouted to the said genin.

"…Because…" Sasuke turn to face him with deadly glare, "I HAVE A MIRCOPENIS!" He yanked his pant down to reveal…A cent-size dick, "THAT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Wha?!"

"I SNEAK IN AND LEARN A JUTSU FROM THIS FORBIDDEN JUTSU AND USE IT, ONLY TO HAVE IT GET THIS SMALL! IT'S STILL SHRINKING! AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, I BURN THIS SCROLL SO THERE'S NO WAY FOR ME TO UNDO IT! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, I'LL KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

Inside the mindscape of Naruto, Kurama witness everything. "…Ha, what a dick."


Several years later, Pain have invaded the village…Only to have all his bodies take out…By some orange blur…That turn out to be a two-time larger than tower dick…All Konan can say is what a dick over and over when Naruto save the village.


"Daaaaaaaamn!" Killer Bee flashed double gun gesture to Naruto, "That's one huge dick you get there, putting Kumo to shame! Nice, Nine-o!"

"Um, thank?" Naruto tilted his head and Killer Bee took him to the waterfall of truth.


"Naruto…" Kushina smiled to her son before her eyes pop out at the sight, "NARUTO, YOUR DICK! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HUGE?! IS IT BECAUSE OF UZUMAKI GENE OR THIS FOX?!" He don't get that from his father for sure, she know that since Minato have four inches but of course she won't tell her son that.


"Hehe, I have…" Madara have a big evil smirk on his face before it slowly disappear when he catch the sight of Naruto's clothed member…As it come downward to him. "…Since when is it possible for someone to have a dick this si…" The dick smashed him flat.


Kaguya slowly open her eyes as she stand before her two enemies, only to jerk her head to stare at Naruto's colossal member. "…On second thought, I'd rather not fight and give myself to this one." She pointed to Naruto, "For the sake of peace."

'…Just like that?!' Several shinobi thought at once, even the sage of six paths just blink dumbfounded.


"Hey, where's Naruto and all girls at?" Kiba asked Shikamaru while looking around, it's strange that there are no women in sight and it's a international festival at a one.

"Taking Naruto out to celebrate for his nineteenth birthday." Shikamaru muttered before they feel some strange rumble, following by a shadow and the lazy genius glance up to see a giant white tsunami. "Huh, so that is how we all go out?" Shikamaru drawled before the world get washed away in white fluids and Naruto look around confusingly as he float through on his giant dick with all women on top of it while some poor lucky bystanders floating on debris.

"Damn, what a dick." Sakura moaned, "I can't believe it can fit inside all of us."

Yup, what a dick.


And that end the story of WAD!

Wow, that's a dick move there. Thank you, thank you all, I'll let myself out. Bye!

Again, it's just a crack/joke story and not meant to be taken serious. Just a joke.

Anyway, I think that's all I can say for now. Thank you for your time to read it.

Please leave reviews and feedback here. The flames will be smashed flat by Naruto's dick.