Title: The Road to Unicorn

Official fic trailer: Go to youtube, then add this to end of address bar: /watch?v=LQKC8W8yRlU

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Rating: M for later chapters.

Spoilers: Starts pre-Glee and follows closely through S1. Has some of S2 and ignores S3 altogether, considering S2 to be senior year.

A/N: Okay, first, thanks for clicking on my story!

I guess I have kind of a different motivation for writing this than most people.

A lot of people write to escape, but I'm writing this (anonymously) to come to terms with my real life relationship with "Santana."

When the creator of Glee, Ryan Murphy was asked if he based the show on his own experiences, he said that it wasn't exactly the same, but it had the 'same feel'.
I think that's sort of like having a different palette of colors but painting the same picture in the end.

This is going to be a blurry picture of me and "Santana". I'll change situations to fit with the glee world, matching up our timeline with the Glee-verse Brittana as best I can, while keeping the emotions or 'the feel' intact from my own life.

When I watched the show, I realized how similar the characters already were to her and me, but also how much background was left unexplained.

In my world, it was being deprived of things she really should have always had, and being forced into other things she shouldn't have had to do that made "Santana" so defensive.
For me, it was Asperger's Syndrome that was the main factor in what made me "Brittany."

I'm pretty sure that the 'Brittany-has-Asperger's' thing has probably been done, but it probably hasn't been done by someone who actually has it in real life.

This is going to be really personal and you might wonder why I'd want to share this.

I guess the main reason is, "Santana" and I happened mostly behind closed doors. We never told anyone how beautiful our relationship truly was and others like "Quinn" and "Artie" only saw glimpses of it. "Puck" and "Kurt" knew the most. But really, I felt like I needed to share it somehow as a tribute to her.

Yeah, it is my life so I already know this story, but when I come to the ending I'm gonna end things any way I want which might not be how it really happened for me, I haven't decided yet.

This whole story writing thing is kind of a stretch for me so leave me a review if you think I'm doing okay and want me to continue. :) Also, if you want to leave advice about stuff the characters do that would be really cool. I'm hoping to learn something from doing this and I could always use some good advice :)


Asperger's Syndrome - a rare and relatively mild autistic disorder characterized by awkwardness in social interaction, pedantry in speech and proccupation with very narrow interests.


Unicorn - a state of being, characterized by independence, confidence, and total acceptance of your own individuality.


Chapter 1 – Blue Rose

She called me her blue rose ever since we learned about them in science class one day when we were just freshmen in high school. Don't get me wrong, I spent most of those classes passing her notes or letting her play with my hair, but this one time I really listened up. Blue was always Santana's favorite color and the second the teacher let us out of class I turned to her and told her that I was going to find her one, even though the teacher said that they're not a natural flower – they are bred by special genetic engineering or whatever and its all about flower genes and turning different pigments off and on.

She gave me the sweetest of smile and told me that she didn't need a blue rose because she already had me. Then she explained why, even though she wasn't good with all that sappy feeling stuff. She pointed out that the same thing happened in my brain to make me different too. Doctors don't know exactly how it happened and it's is certainly not explained by pigments, but it's the honest truth that I'm not like other people. Just like a blue rose, different from all the other roses in the world that come in standard colors like orange, pink, yellow, white or red like Santana says she would probably be if she were a rose herself.

She left out some details because at that point in my life, Asperger's Syndrome was practically a dirty word to me. I didn't want to think about the fact that I was different to other people, let alone the reason why. Scratch that, the real reason was that I didn't want to think about being different to her.

In my world there was only her and I, nobody else really existed. I've never had much of a sense of myself to know who I am, the only thing that's real to me that I understood perfectly was her. I looked up to her, so I guess I tried to be like her in a way. I figured out way too late that she never wanted me to be a red rose like her, she only wanted me to be blue.

I painted some roses blue and made them glittery and totally gave them to her. For moments she seemed so touched, but then her face hardened and her walls came up and she told me that girls don't give other girls roses, blue or otherwise. I didn't know why. I must have looked like I was about to cry because she accepted them anyway, her expression flickering between pleasure and a deep sorrow. She turned away and kept muttering something about how Puck only gave her roses when he had completely screwed up or was trying to score points and get into her pants. My intentions were more innocent, I just wanted her to have something pretty that would make her happy. It wasn't just the fact that we're both girls that scared her. As sad as it is, it was easier for her to accept flowers as a game, rather than as a gesture of love.

The phrase blue rose is kind of like a contradiction, especially since the word 'rose' itself suggests kind of a pinky color Rachel Berry has obnoxiously informed me that it is actually called an 'oxymoron' but I thought that was what you called cleaning products that flunk out of stain remover school so I'm sticking with contradiction.

I understand that my life is a series of these. Santana says my world is kind of like organized chaos, with the important things organized but the rest chaotic. Like how I know every inch of Santana's body but I can't remember where I stashed my textbooks. They called me an idiot savant because I'm really good at certain subjects. I'm interested in like cat diseases but I find the alphabet too hard. Santana calls a lot of the things I say random logic because they all make sense, but my facts are kind of all twisted and brought together in funny ways. She said that I'm old but young in such a way that I live in a child's world of rainbow's and unicorns, but in some ways she thinks I'm older and wiser than her. She also said that I surprise her every day but these surprises are expected.

Our relationship has been bittersweet, laced with the purest forms of pleasure and the deepest forms of pain. And yeah, I feel like the most genuine imitation of a human being ever. I'm so honest, like honesty just tumbles out of my mouth before I can even try to stop, yet I play a part every day. I try so hard to be normal and fit in, because I know most people live in a different kind of world to me and I have to fit in with them and try to understand them and get them to understand me.

You could say that Santana and I were both in hiding. I was trying to hide Asperger's and she was trying to hide her sexuality. Except it didn't happen like that, because what actually ended up being hidden away was the real Brittany and Santana. When you hide what you think is a small, unimportant part of you, it's often a lot bigger than you think because hiding one part of yourself automatically hides a lot of other parts too. Santana and I were in hiding together, but most of the time not from each other, which is what made those years we spent together so special.

Oh right. I forgot to introduce myself, I always forget stuff like that.

I'm Brittany S. Pierce. Here's what a photo of me will tell you. I look really young for my age. I'm tall with long dancer's legs. My hair is straight and blonde. My legs are strong and muscly from dancing. Santana says I'm really pretty but I'm not sure. Um, here's what a photo doesn't tell you. I can never sit still. I bounce a lot and fidget in my seat and I think too much.

I'm going to tell you our story now. I'm not going to say it's a coming of age story about us growing up and finding ourselves because I know Santana would just roll her eyes say how wanky that sounds. But I will say three things. One is that I've loved her since I was seven years old, and sometimes I still don't even know where she begins and I end. Two is that as hard as things have been, I would never change her. I would not even change myself now, even if I knew a cure for autism, but I haven't always been able to say that. Three is simply that things can and do change all on their own, sometimes when you least expect it.