Chapter 18: Meet Snuffles
It's a good thing I typed most of this up yesterday. Covid has hit our house. I, at this point in time, don't have it, but… so there is that.
Thanks for all the reviews. They are the only payment I receive.
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Deadpool walked to the Slytherin table, with the accompaniment of 'Who Let the Dogs Out?", by Baha Men, following along. The dog barked when there was barking in the song. He carried a pretty good tune, for a dog. There was even a bounce to his steps, like Deadpool, who was walking to the music.
No one knew where the music came from, but a few started bopping to the beat. When he sat the music stopped, and everyone looked at him. "What?" he asked, looking around like what had happened was completely normal. "It's after your time," he added, knowing that none of them had ever heard the song. It didn't come out for a few more years.
Everyone just shook their heads, even after only three days they were getting used to the weirdness. Many of the older students were glad of the break in monotony. Hogwarts was boring outside of classes, and inside of a few. There was no doubt that History of Magic was naptime, or homework time.
Many wondered what the masked man would do when he got to that class. So far, any class he attended ended with drama. Sure, it was only one class, but that was some drama. Professor Quirrell hadn't been seen since. Rumor was that he was still in the hospital wing.
"Wade, what's with the dog?" Harry asked, glad to see his friend there and not in jail or something. Not that he thought that any prison could hold Deadpool, but it had crossed his mind that that might be different in the magical world.
"I'll tell you later," the costumed chibi said, serving himself and the dog some hamburgers and fries. He wasn't going to call them chips. Unless they were served with fish because that was just the way it was done.
"Can you tell me his name?" Harry asked, putting his hand out for a sniffing. He was wary. Marge's dogs always bit him when he did this, but the strays around the neighborhood would let him pet them when he approached them this way.
The dog sniffed then licked his hand and wagged his tail so fast his butt followed. The dog had a large collar on it that was black with spikes, which didn't match the pink bows tied to its ears. Harry just shook his head at that. Deadpool was weird sometimes. He removed the ribbons and started petting the dog. The dog's tail wagged faster, if that were possible.
"Snuffles," Deadpool said, taking a bite of his burger and then adding some more ketchup on it. It was a bit dry. He couldn't really blame the house elves; they didn't make them on the regular. He was just glad they were helping Harry along. They must have taken him at his word to take care of the boy.
"Snuffles?! For a dog that looks like it could kill you with a look?" the flabbergasted Harry asked, still petting the dog, who was wolfing down his burgers and ignoring the fries. He added a few more patties. There was a plate of twenty or so, and he knew he could ask for more. He wondered if he should introduce pizza next.
"That is his name, here," Wade said, turning to pet the dog too. "Sit," he told Snuffles and the dog sat, though it didn't stop eating. Which was good, it looked half starved. Deadpool knew why and thanked the author for making it possible to get the man out.
"Where did you find him?" Harry said as Luna joined in on the lavishing of attention to the dog.
"On an island in the middle of the sea," was the honest answer. "I had to kill some monsters to rescue him," he added idly, like it was something he did every day, which come to think of it…
"Fine, tell me later," Harry huffed, wiped his hands on a napkin and returned to his meal, feeling as starved as the dog looked. He hoped he didn't have to eat like this the rest of his life. That would make for an outrageous grocery bill. Who knew what kind of job he'd need to satisfy such an appetite.
"Will do."
Later, after they all ate their fill, Wade took them to the Room of Requirements. He asked for a private room to talk and after the third turn the door appeared. Inside was just a simple room with four armchairs, some side tables with tea, and a coffee table with edibles. "Sit down and I'll tell you what I've been up to," Deadpool said, taking a seat and calling the dog to him.
"So, what's up?" Harry asked, taking a seat, leading Luna to the one next to him.
"That is Sirius Black," the little blonde said without fear.
"Dammit, Luna, it's my story!" Deadpool yelled at her, though he softened his voice when she started tearing up. "Just let me tell it, okay?" he said, pointing to the dog then the other chair.
Snuffles went to the chair, climbed up and changed into Sirius Black. He looked worse than the dog had. His whole body was gaunt. Like he had been dehydrated, but not rehydrated. His clothes were old-fashioned prison clothes, and they were in tatters. His hair was long and lanky. All in all, he could use a good bath, or shower, or any water really. Though he did look a bit like a drowned rat.
"Damn you look like shite. Do you need more food?" Harry asked, not the least bit scared. He knew Deadpool would have his reason. That and this was supposed to be his godfather. He didn't know what godfathers did in the wizarding world, but they were supposed to take care of you if your parents died. From the looks of this guy, that would have been impossible.
"No, my stomach already hurts from the burgers," the emaciated man said, holding his achy tummy. He had never eaten so much before. But damn if he wasn't starved.
"Like Luna said, this is your godfather Sirius Black. Do you remember a few chapters back, I said I'd free him? Well, here he is," Deadpool said, with a ta-da movement.
"Yes, but why?" Harry asked, looking at his godfather, who was staring at him.
"I'm innocent," the man said, leaning back in his chair like he was too weak to sit unaided.
"Can you prove it, or are you staying on the run?" Harry asked, this time looking at Deadpool.
"There's a rat we have to find," the costumed man said, stretching into his adult form, making Sirius do a doubletake.
"How did you do that?" he asked, a bit of awe in his voice.
"Just think of my chibi form as my Animagus form," Wade offered as an explanation.
"I guess," the wary man said, never having heard of that before.
"That actually makes sense," Luna said, tapping her finger to her chin in thought.
"So, how did you spring him?" Harry asked Deadpool, wanting the full story.
"I got bored, so I swam to the island, Azkaban, which is the prison for this part of the wizarding world. And let me tell you, that water was fucking cold. I got there and no one noticed me. I wandered around and talked to a few of the inmates, until I was directed to Sirius. There were these weird ghost-like things that were creeping around, making everyone sad. So, I killed a few until they backed the fuck off. When I saw Sirius in his dog form, I had him come through the bars and took him back to the mainland," the masked man explained simply enough.
"That makes sense that is not," Harry said, wondering if there was anything that Deadpool couldn't do.
"How so?" Wade inquired, leaning back and crossing his legs.
"You swam out into the sea?"
"Yes."
"And you swam back, dragging a dog with you?"
"No, Snuffles did most of his own swimming. I just made sure he made it," was the answer.
"How are you going to find a rat? There are thousands, if not millions of them on this island alone," Luna asked, thinking on the logistics of it.
"Snuffles will sniff him out. We're pretty sure he's still lurking around," Deadpool said, Sirius nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, that rat bastard is a coward. He wouldn't go far," Sirius said, pounding one withered hand into the other. "We just have to start here and move on."
"Why here?" Luna asked, leaning forward a bit and touching the skinny man on the arm for comfort. She withdrew her hand, and it came back dirty.
"He'll want news, what better place than Hogwarts?" the dogman said, stretching up and yawning.
"The Ministry would be better," Harry pointed out, thinking that is where he'd go.
"He'd be too afraid of getting caught," was the answer to that with another huge yawn.
"Come on, let's go to the common room. He can sleep in front of the fire," Luna said, getting up and heading for the door.
"Sounds like a plan. Sirius, be Snuffles," Wade said in a tone of an owner to his dog.
"Fine," the tired man grumbled, and he transformed. The dog was more awake than the man had been, though he still lagged behind. They had already decided that Padfoot was too well known, so Snuffles it was.
"We'll get to know you better tonight. If we can ditch Snape that is," Harry said, making Snuffles perk up and change back into a man.
"Snape?!" he yelled, backing into the room again. "What the hell is Snape doing here?"
"He's the potions professor and the Head of our House," Harry said, giving the man an inquiring look.
"He's a Death Eater," Sirius all but bellowed, stomping around the room, and throwing up his arms in frustration.
"What is a Death Eater?" both Harry and Deadpool asked, taking their seats again.
"Followers of You-Know-Who," Luna said, and at their confused faces added, "Voldyshorts."
"Ah, well that makes no sense. Why would a Death Eater be teaching here?" Harry asked, looking to Deadpool, who was silent and still. Not a good thing.
"Dumbledore," Luna suggested, thinking hard on what she knew about Snape, which admittedly was not much.
"Yes, Dumbledore," growled Sirius as he flopped back into his chair.
"You don't like Dumbledore?" Deadpool asked, turning to face the man.
"He left me there. I was an Auror, and I fought in his little band of merry men. Still, he left me there. I even heard that he said that I was the Secret Keeper for the Potters," Sirius said, a deep depression settling in.
"Don't get depressed, get even," Deadpool said, standing and going to the man. "You're mad, good, you need to be to do what needs to be done," he said, looking at the man, and then pulling up his mask. "I got even," he said firmly. He then tucked the mask back on. It was much better now that Tilly had upgraded it.
"Damn," was all Sirius said, not sure who had it worse, him or Deadpool.
"We are not killing Dumbledore," Luna and Harry said, one firmly, the other not so sure.
"Why? He's an asshole. Look at what he did to this guy," Wade said, pointing to Sirius.
"We can't kill someone because they are assholes," Harry said, waving towards Deadpool. "Otherwise, you'd be dead a hundred times over," he added with a smirk.
"One way or another, Snape is a dead man. The only reason he still lives is because Luna hasn't seen the library yet," Deadpool said, walking back to the door.
"Snape is not Dumbledore," Luna pointed out, not seeing the comparison.
"Dumbledore can have a chance to defend himself, but there is no excuse for terrorist," Wade said, going to the door. He hated terrorist; they were the ones that did this to him. "Let's go," he said, shrinking down to his chibi size.
"He'd really kill Snape?" Sirius asked, getting up and ready to change himself back to a dog.
"Only if the author lets him," Luna said, which only confused the man. She too left the room, skipping.
"Don't pay attention to that. They are always going on about this author, but I've never heard or seen her," Harry said, clapping Sirius on the back. "Come on, you'll need a nap for tonight," he said, making his way out of the room.
"What's happening tonight?" the dogman asked, but everyone had left the room. "I only hope it means that bastard dies. The sooner the better." Yeah, he was still bitter over their school years, but he had to relive them for the last ten years. He saw that Snape instigated just as much as they had. That and the man was a Death Eater. That should hold the death penalty as far as Sirius was concerned.
He turned into a dog and ran after the kids. He thought they were going to Gryffindor, but they headed to the dungeons. Damn he should have paid closer attention to where they had eaten, and the color of their robes. What other House would Snape be in charge of? He needed some sleep.