Broken
'You broke it, you bought it' : words to chill Harry Potters soul. Which is once again intact, just a little tattered.
Before second Hogsmeade weekend Harry got a letter from Mister Lupin, he wanted Harry checked by an independent healer.
Harry flooed taken to Grimmauld place by Professor… Mister Lupin from the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade, and Harry found the floo network utterly awful.
It was a lot cleaner at Grimmauld place, thought Harry as he coughed soot over the kitchen floor.
Professor- Mister Lupin explained again that he was going to be checked over by an independent healer.
Which meant putting on a cloak over his clothes and flooing to St Mungos.
They waited in what was clearly a hospital, if a bit weird, with people with odd ailments, like the witch coughing up flower petals, the wizard having a tentacle instead of a hand, that sort of thing, and finally Harry was taken by Mr Lupin to see a healer. Who wore green robes, and frowned at Harry.
"So this is Harry Potter" they asked.
"Yes" said Harry.
"Well, let's see how you are then" they said, and started casting charms. They cast charms for a while, then rattled gourds over a seated Harry and filled in parchment.
"Well, you're fairly well, a little overtired. You do have some dark energies. Dark curse scars."
Harry explained about the basilisk.
"Quite" said the Healer and Harry grudgingly took off his shirt and showed the healer.
They got a bit excited and wrote a lot down, and did some more tests.
"Phoenix tears, eh" they said "Well, that's amazing but impractical" they sighed.
The tests continued, and Harry was humiliatingly asked to show the scattered dots of scarring on his bits.
"That's a lot of scarring" said the healer blandly, "cover yourself" they added.
Harry pulled his pants and trousers back on.
"Now, this is a very personal question, but do you experience normal erections?" asked the healer.
"Um … I suppose so." said Harry.
They took a blue vial out of a drawer and put it on the desk in from of them "This is a calming draught" they said "Would you take it?"
Harry opened the vial and sniffed it. Smelt like calming draught, so he guzzled it.
The healer did a quick charm.
"You're a bit tolerant of calming draught?" asked the healer.
"Harry admitted that he'd been given vials and vials before. From various things including nearly dying from the snake.
The healer got out a second vial and Harry took that eagerly.
After three vials, they said bluntly "Mister Potter, you have an acquired tolerance to calming draught. Just how much have you been using?"
"I um … normally make my own" admitted Harry. "It's stressful. I never know when something will try to kill me, or the seventh year girls will hex me across the room and Greengrass hexes my bits. I've got enough scars to play join the dots."
The healer wrote something down with a frown and looked up at Harry.
"Hmm, we'll have to do a test" said the healer "Fortunately, having taken calming draught the test should be easy."
They got out a pile of glossy magazines and handed them to Harry "Now sort thought this lot and find something that ah, tickles your fancy, we've got a bathroom down the hall for you, and – " they conjured a small glass jar "– just leave a sample in this."
"A sample" said Harry nervously, realising the top magazine depicted a witch in a pointy hat, and a robe open to her waist and a grin. She winked.
"A semen sample" said the healer "We need to ensure that your plumbing's working, after all these detachments and re-growths."
"Sample" said Harry, swallowing awkwardly.
"Well, there are different magazines" said the healer and Harry looked at the second one, which had a male quidditch player shirtless, flexing his muscles. Harry turned both over, and the next magazine had a woman in her knickers. And was a muggle one. 'Mayfair.'
Harry slipped the other two onto the healer's desk, face down.
"Right, well I'll give you twenty minutes" said the healer with a wry smile "you come back with… oh the muggle one" they said.
"Witches scare me" admitted Harry and the healer made a note of that.
Harry er, did what he had to, and blushing, took the jar back to the healer with the magazine, rolled up to hide the cover.
The healer put the magazine back in the pile when Harry handed it over, and asked "Place the jar on my desk please" they asked. "On the disposable blotter." they added pointedly.
Harry did and the Healer cast a charm on the jar, which suddenly had a rainbow of colour radiated from it.
"Well, that's healthy enough" said the healer. "You're physically fine. Or good enough to conceive if you find the right person" they added.
Harry wasn't sure that was particularly important.
The healer vanished Harry's jar of gunk.
"There is one concerning thing" said the healer "You're scared of witches." they said, "While heterosexual. Tell me... they asked, rearranging the magazines, and opening up one and finding a page that displayed a witch in her knickers prancing around a four-poster bed and pouting at the camera. She still had her pointy hat on.
"Is this image at all sexually appealing?" asked the Healer.
Harry looked at the picture of the blonde witch, and his testicles tried to retract into his body. "Erm... no" he said.
"Tell me Mr Potter, why given that the young witch in question is very nearly naked and flirtatious , why isn't that interesting?"
"She's a witch." said Harry "She'll hex me in the bits."
"Right" said the healer, and with curt "Pack" and a wave of their wand, the magazines went away into a desk drawer.
They wrote on the parchment. "We'll send out your report to your next of kin… ah… your steward."
"Am I okay?" asked Harry.
"No, you're traumatized" said the healer "You're unable to feel attracted to witches. It might be possible to cure, but basically, you've been assaulted too many times. You indicated that this was mostly one specific witch?"
"Um yes" said Harry.
"Well I can see your family's lawyers having a field day with that" said the Healer, in a quite sarcastic tone.
Harry went back downstairs, feeling confused, and found Mr Lupin, waiting in the waiting room ,and they flooed 'home' to Grimmauld place.
"How are you feeling?" asked Mr Lupin,
"I'm physically fine" said Harry.
"That's not what I asked, Harry" said Mr Lupin "How do you feel. Especially about the tests today. Tests can be painful."
"More humiliating than painful" said Harry.
"And?" asked Mr Lupin politely but firmly.
"I'm traumatised apparently, because I didn't think witches in their knickers are sexy" admitted Harry.
"Oh" said Mr Lupin. "So wizards then?"
"I like girls. I'm just... a bit averse to witches" said Harry. "The healer thinks that's a big deal, apparently."
"For the heir of the house of Black to not like witches is a bit of an issue, yes" admitted Mr Lupin "You don't inherit the entail till you marry a witch."
"I don't want a tail" said Harry.
"The entailed property of the family is the manor, lots of the paintings, jewellery and the main Black vault balance" said Remus. Harry felt a bit stupid at that point.
"Oh" said Harry. "I have to marry a witch?"
"Sirius didn't" explained Remus "It's just that the family would be able to use the entailed things and funds in the main vault. If you didn't, your heirs can… in due course."
"Does it have to be a pure-blood or anything?" asked Harry.
"No" said Remus "Sirius's family would apparently have wanted a pure-blood, Sirius wouldn't have cared."
"Right" said Harry. "Not necessarily a pure-blood. But if not a witch… the treasure's locked in the vault."
"Well yes" said Remus. "That summary would get you an Acceptable."
Well I don't see the problem" said Harry "I'll meet some woman I like one day. And not a witch."
Mr Lupin shut the door with a flick of his wand.
"Harry, if you marry a muggle, you can't tell her till you're married. And… they don't live as long, and age faster. And… there are things you can do with a witch… you can't do with a muggle girl."
"Like what?" asked Harry.
"Engorgement charms for starters" said Remus bluntly "Witches can um… change size and shape for the night. And muggles are pretty fragile. They get hurt just falling one story. They can't fly brooms. There are apparently, Sirius used to go on about it, spells for lovemaking, that let you really feel the other person."
"Apparently?" asked Harry.
"I'm a werewolf Harry. My dating options are a bit non-existent." said Remus.
"Oh… it's quite a terrible curse, isn't it" said Harry thoughtfully.
"Well. At least I never had my bits hexed" said Remus. "Slytherin girls seem quite unreasonable."
Harry haltingly explained about his bad luck apropos his 'medical consulting business.'
Remus coughed and tried not to look amused.
"You poor little bugger" said Remus. "You had no idea."
Remus looked thoughtful "Harry, did you do some Slytherin trade for the tip-off you have the Greengrass sisters, that cured her sister?"
"Slytherin trade-off?" asked Harry.
"You know, the thing where everything in Slytherin is a deal, and nobody's anyone's' friends.?" said Remus.
Harry scratched the back of his head "Well, I don't have any good friends in Slytherin, sure. But most people have friends and stuff." said Harry "Why would nobody have friends in Slytherin?"
"Because you're all ambitions back-stabbers" said Remus simply.
"What house were you in. Remus?" asked Harry.
"Gryffindor like most people I know" said Remus.
"I thought you'd be a Ravenclaw" countered Harry.
"So you never got like, chocolates, a solid gold watch or anything?" asked Remus.
"What? Gratitude from Greengrass. Not bloody likely" said Harry. "We have had one conversation that wasn't on the edge of violence, when I asked what happened to me on the train."
"When you asked?" asked Remus.
"I've got some memory loss" admitted Harry. "Nothing important, and apparently all I was doing was screaming in agony. I'm happy to have forgotten that."
"And the conversation ended well then?" asked Remus, looking pale and a bit wet around the eyes.
"She left, and stopped and said over her shoulder not to wink at her" said Harry.
"Wink at her?" asked Remus "Harry, do you fancy her, even though she's hexed your bits?"
"I um… no" said Harry, remembering her surprisingly improved arse.
"Harry?" asked Remus "Do you actually fancy the Greengrass girl?"
Harry blushed faintly and replied quickly "No, she's a pain in the arse."
Remus nodded "Take after your mum then." he said, mysteriously and opened the door.
The floo back to the Three Broomsticks was just as awful.
Harry sat in the carriage riding back to Hogwarts feeling annoyingly weak and pathetic. He'd survived years of Hogwarts, had run-ins with Voldemort even, and apparently now had a dangerous tolerance to calming draughts, and erm… the thing about witches.
Harry wondered what the hell Professor – Mister Lupin had meant when he had said 'take after your mother then.' His mother, he knew, had married a wizard, his father and they'd had a child, and he was it. Harry briefly wondered what it would have been like if he'd had an actual sibling, not Dudley. Doubtless they'd either have been older and dobbed Harry in, or younger and snooped and needed looking after. He was, Harry thought to himself probably better off being an only child and orphan. Just look at all the worry Greengrass got into because of her little sister. Did professor Lupin think he was gay then? Fancying wizards, because Harry was pretty sure, based on the magazine he'd just used that the female form held his attention, not the male.
Greengrass was in the common room with Lily and Sally-Anne as Harry walked across it to the boys dorm corridor. She gave Harry a glare.
Harry sighed, and did something extremely reckless, and talked to her.
"Greengrass?" he asked.
"Potter" she snapped.
"Do you have some new imaginary reason to want to attack me?" asked Harry, the meeting with the Healer at St Mungos playing on his mind. "I wasn't here, and I wasn't at Hogsmeade, so it wasn't me. I was off on family business."
Greengrass crossed her arms and said "Go away Potter."
Greengrass, Harry mused as his back itched as he entered the corridor, was a moody cow. He definitely had done Nothing. Well that she could remember.