Chapter Eight
Decisions, Decisions

WEEK 6
JULY 10TH, 2001

1130 EST
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

Harm was sitting at his desk doing paperwork when he felt a presence. A sleek, attractive, Marine Lt. Colonel who happened to be carrying his child was standing in his doorway.

Things had been...cordial between them over the past week, to say the least. Harm was worried she was drifting away from him, but he lacked the courage to bring it up to her. While he wanted to make sure Mac was alright, he knew it would probably be best to give her space. She was the one who was pregnant, not him.

He offered to start staying over at her place but she declined, saying she didn't want to rush into things. Harm thought that stance was ironic, considering how they went straight from casually seeing each other to being expectant parents, but he'd kept his mouth shut, opting to be understanding. After all, he wasn't the one who was pregnant.

Mac knocked on the doorframe. "Can I come in?"

Harm looked up and smiled. "Sure, what's up?"

She walked in, presenting him with a piece of paper. It was folded in half to hide what was on it. "Here's some information for the, uh, case you wanted."

'The case' is the moniker they'd given Mac's pregnancy in order to avoid suspicion at work. So far, no one suspected anything. However, people were beginning to notice Mac was more on edge than usual and that her and Harm were having more closed-door conversations. Other than that, everything was normal from an outsider's perspective.

"I didn't think the results would come in this fast," Harm said as he unfolded the paper. On it, it confirmed what they both believed. Mac was pregnant.

"Well, I went and got blood drawn yesterday and they faxed me the results just now," she said. Harm looked up at her and saw that she had a pensive look on her face, a look she'd been wearing a lot lately. A look that made him worry about her even more.

Harm sat the piece of paper down and walked over to the door. After he closed it, he asked. "So, it's official then?"

"Yep," Mac nodded. There was a little shakiness to her voice. "I'm pregnant."

They both already figured as much, but getting the blood test results suddenly made it a lot more real. After getting the first positive test on July 4th, she'd taken several others after that. She took another that night after Harm dropped her off. The rest she took each morning after, waiting for the results while she brushed her teeth. Each time, the second line got darker, until there were two pink columns on each test, clearly stating Mac's fate. Mac knew she was pregnant before she got the blood test done, but she still found herself surprised by the results.

"And how are we supposed to feel about this?" Harm asked as he sat back down. "Asking for a friend."

Mac smirked. "I don't know," she said. "I always knew I wanted kids. I just didn't think it would happen…"

"So unexpectedly," Harm finished for her.

"Yeah," Mac agreed slowly. "It seems so real now that it's on paper."

She thought back to the day before. She'd taken the morning off to go get her blood taken.

"You know, if you are pregnant, you're lucky," one nurse had told her. "Most women don't find out this early."

"Well, I'm never late for anything," Mac had replied.

Making the appointment and asking the Admiral for the morning off had added another layer of stress for Mac when it came to keeping her pregnancy a secret. Coming up with excuses for the appointments she'd be going to would be tricky, especially if Harm wanted to come along. That would make it almost impossible to cover things up, but Harm was entitled to be involved. Mac certainly wasn't going to stop him. She had no clue what she was doing, and she needed all the support she could get.

"Mac, do you wanna talk about this?"

"Hmm?" she snapped out of her anxiety-inducing daydream.

"I said, do you wanna talk about this?"

"Harm, we've been talking about this," Mac found it hard to keep from growing impatient. She knew this was hard for him to process too, but she wasn't exactly able to 'talk about this' when she couldn't accurately articulate her feelings.

"I mean, somewhere other than my office."

"Like a date?" she asked. Despite the fact that her and Harm were still together, the thought of doing normal couple-y things right now was unthinkable. At least for the time being, until they got everything sorted out.

"No, not like a date," Harm said. Mac could tell by his tone that he was getting equally exasperated. God, she thought, we're already tearing each other apart. Maybe we shouldn't be parents. "I just think we need a better place to discuss your pregnancy than my office," he continued. "Can we at least agree to that?"

Mac nodded. "Alright. Is tonight good?"

Both of Harm's eyebrows shot up.

"What?" Mac asked. "Don't tell me you have plans."

Harm shook his head. "No, tonight's fine. I just have to go out and buy some meat for you to eat."

Mac smiled faintly at the joke. "Good. I know it seems like I'm rushing things but I wanna make a decision soon in case…" her voice trailed off. She hoped Harm would be able to infer the rest. She didn't want to discuss all the possible options for handling her unplanned pregnancy at work.

Harm looked at her strangely for a moment, then it clicked. "You're not sure you want to keep it?" There was so strong emotion evident in his voice and somehow that put Mac more ill-at-ease than a visible reaction would have. Her and Harm had known each other for years, and knew each other's views on things. But most of the time they were discussing the ins and outs of naval law; not Roe v. Wade.

"Not entirely," she said quietly, then finally forced herself to meet his eyes. There was no discernible change in his expression, but she could see the wheels turning behind his blue eyes. "But we can talk about all that tonight."

Mac ducked out of Harm's office before he could reply, making a beeline for the coffee machine. She knew excess caffeine was a no-go for pregnancy, but one cup couldn't hurt. She'd always struggled with insomnia, but she'd broken a personal record with the lack of sleep she'd gotten in the fast few days. Mac needed all the extra energy she could get.

At the coffee machine, she ran into Imes. Or, rather, Imes scared her half to death. "Hey Mac."

Mac jumped and choked on the coffee she just took a sip of. Carolyn looked at her like she had three heads. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Oh, no Carolyn you're fine it's just-" Mac paused. "I've been a little jumpy lately, that's all."

"That's all, huh?" Carolyn eyed her coyly as she sipped her own coffee. "Nothing to do with Commander Rabb?"

It took every fiber of Mac's being not to fix Carolyn with her Marine death-stare and say: Yes Carolyn, it has everything to do with Commander Rabb. I'm pregnant. He's the father. Is there anything else you'd like to know over coffee? But she refrained, taking a breath and smiling.

"No, it's just a...case I'm working on. It's kind of...tricky." she explained.

"Hmm...are you sure?" Carolyn asked.

"Yep," Mac nodded, trying to ignore the blush rising to her cheeks. "It's just a case, Carolyn."

Mac headed back to her office without even saying goodbye. Carolyn watched her go with a confused look on her face. Mac was acting awfully strange, and Carolyn would be lying if she didn't have some hunches about what could be the cause. And she knew the perfect person to discuss hunches with, especially ones concerning Rabb and Mackenzie.

"Hey, Harriet," Carolyn greeted cooly, sipping at her coffee as she eyed the closed doors of Harm's and Mac's office.

Harriet was in the middle of eating a breakfast muffin. "Hey Carolyn." she looked up and saw a particular glint in Carolyn's eyes and immediately abandoned her muffin.

Carolyn and Harriet had been discussing the prospects of Harm and Mac getting together for years, even when both of them were in relationships with other people. Ever since Harm and Renee broke up and Mac's engagement to Mic ended, their speculations had reached fever pitch. They had no concrete evidence, but they both had a feeling something was going to happen soon.

"Have you noticed anything...strange going on with Harm and Mac?" Carolyn asked as Harriet brushed muffin crumbs off her skirt.

"Why? Have you collected any new evidence?" she asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Carolyn whispered. "They've spent more time talking in Harm's office in the past week than they have in the past six months."

Harriet leaned in close. "Well, now that you mention it," she lowered her voice. "Bud swears he saw them kiss at the party last week."

"What?" Carolyn gasped. "Really?"

Harriet nodded. "I thought he was just seeing things-you know, because it was so dark and you know how Bud is sometimes-but now with the way they've been acting ever since, I think it's finally happening."

"Took them long enough."

"I know, right?"

1930 EST
APARTMENT OF HARMON RABB
WASHINGTON DC.

Harm and Mac managed to put off discussing 'the case' until after dinner, which consisted of a mediterranean salad and spaghetti, and now they were sitting together on Harm's sofa. The food had been delicious-per the usual with Harm's cooking-but Mac found herself unable to eat as much as she normally could. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy, the stress she was under, or a combination of the two, but her usual hearty appetite was nowhere to be seen.

"Remember what happened the last time we were on my sofa?" Harm teased as he sat down beside Mac.

"How could I forget?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "Now look at us."

Harm smirked, stretching out and draping one arm on the back of the sofa, behind Mac. He decided to take on a little sense of humor about the situation, if for no other reason than to try and lift Mac's spirits. He could tell how much everything was weighing on her.

When Harm put his arm around Mac, she didn't respond the way she normally would have, by snuggling up against him and resting her head on his chest. Harm realized that they weren't going to be able to relax until they got this...case settled.

"What do you wanna do?" he asked, watching her intently.

Mac looked up at him, bewildered. "You mean, what do we wanna do, right?"

Harm shook his head. "I'm not the one pregnant here, Mac."

She looked at him incredulously. "You want kids, don't you?"

"Yes, but if you don't want this kid I'm not gonna stop you," Harm said, placing a hand on Mac's shoulder. "Whatever you decide Mac, I'm gonna support you."

"But, how you reacted this morning-"

"I'm just worried about you, Mac," he said. "I don't want you to start shutting me out, regardless of what happens. I hate seeing you upset like this."

Mac sighed, rubbing her eyes. She would be lying to herself and to Harm if she said she hadn't considered abortion. If this had happened ten, or maybe even five years ago, abortion would've the only choice in her mind. Back then, she was moving around so much with work that there was no way she could've been a mother. A quick glance around at everything she did with the Marines and at JAG made her incredibly glad she hadn't settled down sooner.

But now, things were different. Mac was comfortable; with her career and her life. A baby very well could dislodge that comfort, but maybe she was ready for some dislodging in her life.

Am I really ready for this? She wondered.

Not to mention, she was also older. Mac would turn thirty-five next May, and while that wasn't old, it was kind of old for getting pregnant. Two years ago when Little AJ was born, she told Harm her biological clock was going off and she kept hitting the snooze button. Now all the bells and whistles were going off and the snooze button had stopped working.

This is crazy, Mac told herself, I can't have a baby right now. I'm not ready, am I?

Something, Mac had no idea what, told her that she was. Mac wasn't entirely sure whether or not to believe that little voice in the back of her head, but listening to that voice was a lot better than indecisiveness. Mac hated being indecisive.

"Mac, are you alright?" Harm asked. She unburied her face from her hands.

"Do you think this is a sign?" she asked him.

Harm blinked a few times. "A...sign? Of what?"

"Maybe this is my one chance to have a baby," Mac stood up, grabbing a throw pillow and clutching it to her chest. It was for moral support while she pitched her reasoning to Harm.

"Mac…" Harm watched her, beginning to feel a little concerned. "That shouldn't be your reason for having this kid if you don't want to. Plus, you're gonna have a baby in three years anyway, if we hold up our deal." The last thing Harm wanted was for Mac to feel pressured to have a baby just because she thought he wanted one.

Mac began to pace. "I know," she said. "But how do we know where we're even gonna be in three years? And we were planning on having a kid in three years so I don't really see how this is any different. Granted, like you said, it is three years early but-"

Harm sat up. "Take a few breaths, Marine," he told her. "This isn't a courtroom."

Mac paused and sighed, dropping the throw pillow to ground. "I just…."

"You just what?"

"I can't help thinking that this baby was meant to be, you know?" Mac explained. "I know, that sounds crazy coming from me, doesn't it?"

Harm nodded, smiling. "Just a little."

"I want this baby, Harm."

Both of Harm's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oh…"

"Look, I know this is all unexpected, we're not prepared at all. I just ended an engagement a month ago, and this will upend both of our lives, but I can't shake the feeling that I want this baby" Mac finished and looked at Harm, waiting for his answer.

"I want this baby, too."

"Okay."

"Alright."

After thinking for a few moments, Harm finally asked. "Does this mean you're getting rid of your Corvette?"

Mac laughed and Harm took her by the hand, pulling her onto his lap.

"No thank you," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "We can put the car seat in your Lexus."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

They kissed, and they both felt each other relax for the first time in too long. "What does this mean, for us?" Harm asked once they broke apart.

Mac furrowed her brows, creasing them in a way that Harm always found cute but never got the chance to tell her. He would have to tell her sometime. "What do you mean? We're having a baby together."

"Well yeah, but what does this mean for us, Mac? You and me?"

"Oh," Mac slid off Harm's lap, back on to the sofa. "I don't wanna get married, if that's what you're wondering."

Harm's eyes widened. "Marriage? I didn't say anything about marriage-"

"I know you didn't. All I'm saying is I don't want us to be one of those couples that gets married for the sake of the kid and then end up hating each other for it," she explained. "Not saying that would happen to us," she added hastily when she saw Harm's alarmed expression.

"Oh. You still want to give 'us' a try?".

"Of course," Mac said. "There's no rule saying a pregnant lady can't date, especially if she's dating the father of her child."

"And after the baby gets here…?"

"It's the 21-century," Mac answered. "We can raise a kid without being married."

They certainly could. Harm pulled Mac into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "You know, the office is gonna have a field day when they find out about all this."

"Yeah," Mac agreed. "Harriet and Carolyn are circling me like sharks. They're gonna find out sooner or later."

"Really? You think?"

"Harm, the whole office gossips about us."

Harm frowned. "No way."

Mac laughed. "Yep. They've all been speculating on when we'll finally pull our heads out of our sixes and get together."

"They don't need to speculate anymore," Harm said, brushing Mac's hair away from her face. She smiled at him.

"When do you wanna tell everyone?" he asked her. "How long should we wait?"

"We should probably wait until the end of the first trimester. Just to be on the safe side."

"So we have about six weeks?"

"Uh-huh."

"You've been doing your research," Harm observed, and Mac suddenly looked sheepish.

"Don't tell the Admiral, but I spent two hours looking up pregnancy info today instead of researching the McDaniels case."

Harm's face suddenly paled. "The Admiral."

"What about him?" Mac asked. "Harm, I promise he won't find out I-"

"No, how are we gonna tell him?" he asked, his eyes wide.

Mac pursed her lips. "I've been trying not to think about it. Luckily, we have some time, right?"

"Yeah," Harm said, swallowing. Wondering how the Admiral would react to his Chief of Staff and 'Harmful' Rabb having a baby together was definitely going to keep him up at night.